Director of Game Design
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Jason kindly told me it made the top 30, which ain't a bad shot, I hope, after an absence of 11 years...Hey! Did other people get any kind of indication that they made the top 30 list?!?
I wish that we (as individuals, not a public announcement) could find that out.
I wish I could tell everyone who made it to that level, but all of the rejections had been piled up by this afternoon. I only remembered Willie because of his long list of credentials that I printed out when we were looking through the final batch.
My apologies, but I am afraid that is just about all the confirmation I can give at this point.
Jason Bulmahn
GameMastery Brand Manager
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If you can't summarize the backstory (for the purposes of an 800-word proposal) in one paragraph, you're being too verbose. We want to see 650 words of what the PCs will do and face. We trust you to make it make sense in the outline portion. We had a lot of neat ideas for short stories come our way, but just not a lot of adventure proposals.
I printed this comment and tacked it to my cork board. I need to memorize it; it should be my new writer's mantra.
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Here's mine...caveat: after reading through what everyone else has posted, mine is not really very good; reader beware.
During the reign of the Runelords, Father Asaedas, a monk of the Holy Order of the Red Raven, came out of a twenty-year sabbatical. Descending from the frigid heights of the Fog Peak Mountains and the cloister of the Sacred Temple of the Red Raven, Asaedas traveled to the sleepy township of Azurestone, founding the Azurestone Enclave, an order dedicated to the preservation of balance and natural harmony.
Soon, the monastery attracted hundreds and grew in size from a collection of thatch huts to a many-cloistered facility, transforming Azurestone into a vibrant and bustling trading hub.
The minions of the Runelords swept across Thassilon, finally making their way with the goblin armies to Azurestone. Asaedas rallied his adepts and battled for many long weeks. Finally, exhausted and nearly beaten, Asaedas seemingly fled to the Fog Peak temple. Ten days later, weary and worn, the remaining monks and townspeople were near surrender, when Asaedas abruptly returned.
Following a brief entreaty with the enemy commander, Asaedas stormed through the monastery gates. Without a word to his followers, he took up his staff and struck the ground three mighty blows. Asaedas vanished, and the staff sprung roots and quickly grew into a great willow tree whose boughs spread across the monastery and over the walls of the town, rebuffing all attacks for more than a month. Intrigued, the Runelord of Gluttony himself came to Azurestone. Calling upon his sorceries, he eventually breached the hanging branches but upon entering the boughs, the tree gave a great shudder and the surrounding space folded in upon itself. The tree, the army, and the Runelord were consumed in the moment of entropy. All that was left of the staff-turned-willow was a tiny sapling.
Trapped in the core of the sapling lived the raging spirit of the Runelord. The hatred and malice of the Runelord’s soul stunted the tree, and it never grew beyond a seedling, but the strength of its divine nature built a symbiosis with the land, irreconcilably linking the tree with the Azurestone region.
The monks of the monastery made it their eternal duty to guard and care for the sapling, ensuring the continued prosperity of their homeland and people, and the imprisonment of the Runelord.
Recently, the sapling was stolen by a crazed Brother who fled on the back of a dire raven toward the Fog Peaks. Few other details are known, but now the monks fear the tree will perish without proper care, and release the spirit of the Runelord. When the PCs arrive the lands around Azurestone are wilting and rife with an unnatural pollution.
WHAT ARE TWO OBSTACLES THE PCs MUST OVERCOME WHILE CHASING DOWN THE CULPRIT?
1. Two monks have volunteered to lead the PCs to a temple in the Fog Peaks, where they believe Brother Torius has absconded with the sapling. What the PCs don’t know is that one of the monks is actually a demon who deceived Torius into stealing the tree. Unknown to the PCs, Torius is dead, sacrificed in a ritual designed to accelerate the tree’s demise and release the Runelord of Gluttony. The demon plans to sacrifice the PCs and will do everything in his power to weaken them before they reach the temple.
2. The other supposed monk is a female intelligence officer of the King of Korvosa. She has hidden her sex from the Order for nearly a year. Originally sent by Queen Ileosa, Lt. Birna is on a covert mission to discover the secret of the sapling and whether it can be used to prolong the ailing King’s life. Lt. Birna will stop at nothing to procure the sapling and return with it to her court.
WHAT WILL THE FINAL SHOWDOWN WITH THE CULPRIT LOOK LIKE?
Since Torius, the original thief, is dead, the real culprit is the demon (who’s demonic form is the dire raven Torius flew out on). The PCs will engage in a battle to banish him. If they succeed, the demon’s material death will act as the sacrificial catalyst to destroy the sapling and release the Runelord. However, since the demon was a creature of evil (a poor sacrifice, in other words), the Runelord is released with little power, and with no ability to engage the PCs, he immediately flees. The PCs are unable to follow. The sapling, though utterly withered, drops a single flower, which the PCs may return to the monastery. The monks are able to seed the flower and there is enough of the original divine power to return the immediate area to normal, though some fallow earth remains.
NEW MONSTER
1. Kahgahgee-jee, a Yeil’corvus demon
2. Shade of the Runelord of Gluttony
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I'm with Andrew (and many others) with way too much backstory. I have to remember that "one paragraph summary" guideline for the next opportunity :) (I think all of my submissions have always suffered from that flaw)
Only a few days after the locket’s disappearance, several townsfolk are missing, unexplained accidents are occurring in both the mines and the town’s main avenue, and a pall of dread looms over Azurestone.
2a. As the party pursues the culprit into the rugged cliffs of the Fog Peak Mountains, they must contend with a Giant Snowy Eagle, which has been convinced to aid the culprit’s escape and seeks to drive the party from the mountainside with swooping attacks. It does not seek to kill, but it will use deadly force if pressed.
2b. Upon catching up to the culprit at their home (a nomadic community of halfling herdsmen), the party must contend with the fact that the heirloom is no longer in his possession, but has been “returned” to what the culprit calls its “rightful owner.” The halflings are not violent, but are more trusting of the new “owner” of the heirloom, “Mother Mauder,” than of the intruding PCs. The party must use diplomacy, impressive deeds, and/or uncover the manipulations of “Mother Mauder” to win the tribesmen’s’ trust and discover the location of her cave.
3. Amongst the valleys of the Fog Peak Mountains, a small tribe of halfling sheep herders eke out a trying, but rewarding, lifestyle. Maintaining this traditional way of life for centuries, they are familiar with hardship and death, but the unexpected and debilitating illness of the shaman’s daughter has wracked the close-knit tribe with grief and shock.
Desperate to find his sister a cure, the shaman’s son, Red Raven, a talented hunter, herdsman, and sorcerer, sought out the assistance of a dark witch, Mother Mauder, whom lurked in the crevices of the Fog Peaks. Finding her, the halfling requested the boon of his sister’s life, offering to obtain a treasure of equal value, as is his tribe’s custom.
Mother Mauder, a devious and wicked tiefling adept, recognized the symptoms of a rare but easily curable disease in the young halfling girl, but boasted to Red Raven of the grave nature of the illness and warned that without her protection, the entire tribe might be struck down by this “wrath of the mountain spirits.” Terrified by her warning and desperate to please her, Red Raven promised to travel anywhere and acquire any item to satisfy the witch’s double boon of a cure for his sibling and protection for his tribe.
Allied to bloodthirsty mountain fey, Mother Mauder knew of the century-old ward that shrouded the distant Azurestone and the necessity of the ward to protect its founders from the marauding nature spirits that prowled that region. She ordered the brave halfling to locate the “oldest treasure” of Azuretown, cautioning that the humans would likely not trade for such a keepsake.
Made bold with concern for his sister, Red Raven trekked down from the Fog Peaks, across the foothills and scrubland, to the town of Azurestone. Made bold by his concern for his kin, Red Raven endeavored to acquire sufficient goods to equal the “oldest treasure’s” value, hoping that to balance his theft with the replacement of equal-value treasures. In time, his efforts won him the location of the mayor’s treasured heirloom and sufficient wealth for an equivalent “trade.” He now rushes back to the Fog Peaks, unaware of the dire trouble he has brought upon the town.
• Although the PCs can confront Red Raven within his home village, the true culprit remains the treacherous Mother Mauder, hidden within her isolated cave. Guarded by her slagstalker allies, several well-fed dire weasels, and the harsh clime of the Fog Peaks, Mother Mauder will be a difficult enemy to reach, let alone defeat in mortal combat. Retreating as her guardians fall or flee, the tiefling will likely ascend to the harsh cliff that overlooks her lair, her fiendish heritage shielding her from the battering wind and cold that ravage this locale. On this ice-slicked precipice, the party must contend with witch and weather alike.
• The slagstalker, a murderous stone-melding fey with a penchant for ambushes and a talent for causing “accidents” in mines and other rock-filled locations.
I might also suggest Sherov's and Mike's earlier posts should be the guideline by which critiques are measured.See also Jeremy's post today to the Paizo blog.
Can we expect this kind of feedback for reasons why Round 2 was rejected as well? Could be mighty helpful : )
Contributor
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If you can't summarize the backstory (for the purposes of an 800-word proposal) in one paragraph, you're being too verbose. We want to see 650 words of what the PCs will do and face. We trust you to make it make sense in the outline portion. We had a lot of neat ideas for short stories come our way, but just not a lot of adventure proposals.I printed this comment and tacked it to my cork board. I need to memorize it; it should be my new writer's mantra.
^_^
I definitely ran afoul of #4 and #5, so mine was likely quickly rejected.
Me too. I also think that my plot was a little too straightforward, though creative.
Ah well.
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Here's my not-selected-for-round-2 entry. May it aid in the effort of determining what Paizo wants by filling in the space of things they don't!
WHAT IS THE VANISHED OBJECT?
The PCs meet actors traveling to Azurestone to present “Twelve Hours of the Night” during the two weeks before Countsday, a local holiday said to be the birthday of the elven vampire Count Zarlov. In the play, Zarlov is a tragic figure driven by pride in the ice castle he built for his daughters; to defend it against orcish invaders, he embraces undeath.
After opening night, Demoiselle Thesla Feyrut seeks the PCs’ aid.
“During Zarlov’s midnight toast my precious heirloom dropped off its chain, down my shirt, and into the hand of a little man under my seat! It seems the chain is attracted to the medallion it once held.”
When dangled, the silver strand swings toward the winter storms brewing over Fog Peak.
What did the medallion look like?
“A fist-sized stone chip inscribed with an archaic rune. I’m told it meant ‘gluttony’.”
Why is it important to retrieve it?
“Before she died Mother said I must always wear it, especially on Countsday.”
WHO TOOK IT?
Witnesses saw four oddly-dressed gnomes using a familiar counting-rhyme to decide who would enter the theater:
“Flight of the red raven,
With all the seven sins,
Red flies out when you’re dead,
What time when he wins?
One-two-three and you are it!”
Four small creatures wearing mountain boots left tracks heading north in the recently fallen snow.
WHY?
Badger Wilkitook leads the gnomish adventurers called Badger’s Berserks. A crow brought them instructions leading to some gems, with the promise of more upon delivery of a runic medallion taken from a living grand-daughter of Zarlov Feyrut.
WHAT ARE TWO OF THE OBSTACLES THE PCs MUST OVERCOME?
Hot Pursuit
Setting traps, creating illusions, starting avalanches, and riling up monsters buys enough time for Badger’s Berserks to reach their destination moments ahead of the PCs. Instead of the promised gems, they find the lair of Belok. The troll decapitates their cleric; his corpse sweats blood and then rises, head replaced and limbs re-animated by surges of gore. To the Berserks’ dismay, when they fell this monstrosity it reforms as a great crimson bird and flies uphill with the medallion.
When the PCs burst into the ruined menhir circle, the gnomes are caught between a rock and a hard place and propose joining forces against the troll. Badger sincerely intends a lasting alliance, believing that joining the PCs’ pursuit of the medallion will lead to vengeance against his treacherous employer, but his companions seek to escape while their pursuers battle one another.
Race Against Time
Either from Badger or his journal, the PCs discover that Count Zarlov’s ice castle stood atop Fog Peak. Bugbears now occupy its outbuildings, and Grava Agul is their adept. She knows that whenever one of her tribe dies, their blood may form an angel. Sometimes it aids them in battle. Sometimes it leaves gory instructions for Grava, first to recruit Badger’s Berserks and now to delay intruders.
When PCs learn that killing bugbears invites attack from the bloody “angel”, Grava Agul sacrifices captive orcs to summon her ghastly ally.
WHAT IS THE NEW MONSTER?
Centuries ago, Count Zarlov sacrificed his soul to defend his home. Binding himself with the seven sins, he became an undead horror the elves call shashar’alak, or “blood phoenix.” Zarlov is trapped inside his corpse, but like a phoenix he can rise again.
His crudest blood manifestation is limited by distance. When a humanoid within ten miles is killed Zarlov can send his mind into their blood, animating their corpse until it is destroyed and briefly assuming a winged form afterwards.
Shashar’alak prefer manifesting through a subtler blood connection, limited by time. On his birthday Count Zarlov can slay one of his descendants and abandon his corpse for theirs. He was content when he believed his daughters died defending his castle. Having recently learned that they hid behind amulets chipped from his menhirs in a selfish attempt to preserve both their homestead and their lives, he is willing to sacrifice their descendants and transfer to a more populous hunting ground.
WHAT WILL THE SHOWDOWN LOOK LIKE?
Zarlov’s corpse lies inside a ring of menhirs inscribed with runes of the seven sins. Along an outer ring, twelve numbered dioramas from Zarlov’s life are numbered and arranged as a clock face. Enormous gears allow this ring to turn and cause the stars and planets projected on the ceiling to move through the seasons. Using knowledge obtained throughout the adventure, the PCs may seek to solve the puzzle using mechanical skill, symbolic correspondences, or brute force, while under attack by a potent shashar’alak in a dynamically rotating battlefield.
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Contributor
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Alright, I'll put mine up too...
Gurvek Terrami is the half-brother of famous Hanrik Terrami, legendary farmer and savior of Azurestone during the harsh cold winter months. Often shunned and abused because of his orcish ancestry, Gurvek had lurked on the outskirts of town, rarely mingling with the local populace. Starting in his early teens, he would take longer and longer excursions into the wilderness, often disappearing for days or weeks at a time. Several years ago, Gurvek disappeared entirely.
As winter approaches tragedy strikes Azurestone as Gurvek returns, killing his brother and stealing a ruby statuette known as the Red Raven. This artifact is a Terrami family heirloom and jealously guarded secret of the family’s farming fortune. The artifact was built ages ago by a druidic sect that once lived in the site now occupied by Azurestone. It was used to produce a temperate climate within a moderate area of the artifact which allowed crops to grow, even in the dead of winter. The figure is an imitation of the Phoenix rising in flame from the ashes. The Terrami family is descended from this ancient group of druids. Though the true origins of the figure are lost to time, the Terrami family has passed the statue and the secret of its operation from generation to generation. As such, the Phoenix statuette has simply grown to be called the Red Raven. The Druidic icon allows the Terrami farms to produce food year round, allowing the town to survive all kinds of harsh weather with no need to worry about food stores.
Gurvek himself is now a powerful half-orc druid and has found allies in the form of a tribe of Troglodytes and a nest of creatures known as Snapdragons. Even immature, these creatures are about 5 feet tall at the shoulder and 15 feet long from snout to tip of the tail. The bodies of these creatures resemble large geckos with three sets of legs. Like many smaller reptiles, they cling to trees and walls with ease. In place of the usual head sprouts a long, serpentine neck ending in the head of a viper. The necks of these creatures can whip about at great speeds, allowing them to snap at their prey. They also produce a paralyzing poison, usually delivered in their bite, however they are capable of spitting it short distances. Snapdragons can grow to full maturity (and size Huge) within a relatively short period of time (about a year or two), but usually slumber away the winter, stretching the growth cycle into almost a decade. Gurvek hopes that by using the power of the Red Raven he can have a few of the dangerous beasts at full size much sooner so that he can wreak his revenge on the town that spurned him.
The PCs are hired by Hanrik’s son Endrik to find his father’s killer and return the Red Raven before winter strikes the small community, killing his crops and causing starvation. The PCs will have to race against time, tracking the Troglodytes across the wild country that lies between Azurestone and the Fog Peak Mountains. The terrain of the route itself is primarily coniferous forest, crisscrossed with small streams and the occasional swamp. The trees thin out as the party travels deeper into the foothills of the Fog Peak Mountains themselves.
Along the way the PCs contend with numerous wilderness encounters, including a Huge spider’s nest, traps laid by the Troglodytes and a natural chasm. Eventually they will have to fight their way through the Troglodytes themselves in a series of underground caverns before finally confronting Gurvek and his Snapdragons.
This climatic battle will take place in a fairly large cavern, complicated by the Snapdragons using their wall-climbing ability and reach to attack the PCs from the relative safety of the walls, spitting poison if necessary. Meanwhile, Gurvek rains spells down upon them and finally closes for melee. The fate of Azurestone rests in the hands of the PCs- can they recover the Red Raven in time, or will Azurestone suffer its worst winter in centuries…
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Contributor
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I'm definitely feeling like I put too much into the background info in the initial query. Ah well. I figured fleshing out Azurestone and the Red Raven would have helped.
I definitely didn't put enough thought into the bulk of my adventure. I figured that the main details of the encounters could be dealt with later. I imagine that's going to prove to be my fatal mistake.
I've been reading through the rest of the thread (I love Sundays...). There's some really neat stuff here, but too many people fell for the same trap as me- too much story, not enough adventure. I'm (obviously, to me) not a pro, but it definitely feels like they were seeking more thorough encounters than I gave. At least now I know.
Well, maybe they'll love the monster...
Hey my adventure submission is on page 1 can someone critique it and I in turn will critique yours, thanks.
Larcifer.
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Here is mine, though it's so short that it probably doesn't need to be in a spoiler. Congrats and good luck to everybody who made it through. To you Paizo guys, thanks for the feed back about the submissions.
The PCs must deal with an ambush of centaurs set up by the kidnappers, and various other denizens of the wilderness between Azurestone and the Fog Peak Mountains. Once they reach the mountains, the PCs spot the kidnappers high up the slopes. The kidnappers start an avalanche, trapping the PCs in a cave system. They must fight their way through the monster infested tunnels to find another exit and resume their chase.
After catching up to the kidnappers, the PCs find that the girl is not a prisoner, but seems to be cooperating with them. After the PCs fight the kidnappers, the girl reveals herself to be the Red Raven, a powerful celestial being, who has been imprisoned in the form of a human girl. She explains that the “kidnappers” are followers of Cayden Cailean, the god of freedom, who abhors slavery, and that the priest has been using a magical item to siphon off her power.
Once the PCs learn the truth, the priest, who has followed them up the mountain, uses the item to completely absorb Red Ravens power. The PCs must now face the full power of the Red Raven/priest in a cliff side final battle.
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Larcifer, I'd be happy to offer my critique. Bear in mind: if I knew what makes a good module under these conditions, I wouldn't have posted my entry. (grin)
You have a great sense of color and drama. I get a pretty good image of what the scenes look like. You've gone to some trouble to add color and flavor.
But if I were the Paizo people, I'd be looking for some more crunch. For example, you explain that "Grandfather" took the infant, but not what Grandfather is. ( A 7th level druid village elder? The child's actual grandfather, an elderly commoner? The name the local tribe has for the elven 15th level monk who's been mysteriously guiding the tribe for the last 100 years?) That decision really matters for the adventure.
You were asked to provide two obstacles, and you provided two scenes, each of which made short reference to several obstacles. For example, puzzling out the book is an obstacle, but you didn't say how difficult it would be.
Fighting the cultists is an obstacle. How many? What level? And why are they following Grandfather?
Who's the Red Raven?
And some little things that stuck out at me, because I've been a professional editor. I think you want to say that the process will extend the Grandfather's lifespan, not his mortality.
Don't assume that players will make, or fail, reasonable skill rolls. If nobody in the party ends up making the harrowing climb rolls, what happens?
Plot holes: if the midwife is missing/dead, and the mother is dead, but could be resting, who's around to call the attention of the party?
The idea of the birthing golem is very evocative, and lets the PC's know that the villain is really ucky, but who has time/gold/experience to create a golem under tose circumstances? It sounds better to me as an undead or an ooze, rather than a construct.
Anyways, those would be my thoughts. Thank you for inviting the analysis.
Hey man thanks for the reply! It really helps! would you like me to take a look at your submission?
Someone said Paizo got a great many short stories, which is of course what I am used to writing and the trap I fell into. Perhaps the Planet Stories will run an open call for short stories some day and publish a compilation like the WotF. Since novels worked for FR and DL they could work for Golarion as well. So my short story (critiques welcome):
In Azurestone’s Woodcarver’s Guildhall stands a pedestal carved with the label ‘Flight of Ravens, 972’. The pedestal itself is a work of art; four feet of chip-carved redwood with inlays of basswood, gingko, and Fog Peak ash. Intricately carved, the pedestal details the story of Ban Finnegan’s discovery and creation of the sculpture The Flight of Ravens.
The pedestal stands empty.
The red sculpture is missing and the only clue is a set of star-shaped tracks. The tracks lead toward the Fog Peak mountains, an area of strange omens and bad magic. Some blame the gnome priest who claimed visions of a red raven brought him to Azurestone. The cleric wandered into those mountains months ago following his visions to the area dubbed Raven’s Vale. The place Finnegan found the Flight of Ravens.
During a wood collecting excursion, Mastercarver Finnegan found a piece of deep red-colored wood shaped like a capless acorn. It was nearly as big as his chest and enormously heavy. Finnegan roughed out a shape, to reduce the weight and found inspiration. He worked late into the night carving a majestic elk. The next morning he discovered the elk was gone.
The acorn shape was whole again.
The woodcarver wondered if he had dreamt his night’s work, until he realized the shavings were still on the ground. Lying amid the shavings and grass were several acorn-shaped pieces of the redwood. Finnegan spent the next few days carving exotic shapes: a beautiful pegasus, a massive sea turtle, three wolves, a rampant lammasu. Each morning he found his work undone. Finally Finnegan spent the night carving a flight of ravens. Twenty-one individual birds formed a graceful spiral flying up to the heavens. It was a masterpiece even in rough shape. When he awoke the next morning to see the flight of ravens still in the redwood Finnegan knew he was done. He packed his things, including several pounds of the smaller acorn-shapes, and returned to Azurestone.
Finnegan found the redwood held certain magic quite well, in particular mending, woodshape spells. Further, wooden objects with inlays of this wood became self-repairing. Finally, the sculpture could repair itself. An accidental break re-grew the broken piece and severed fragment became the now familiar acorn-shape. Over the last 200 years, the Flight of Ravens created an industry of unique items.
Following the star-shaped prints into the Fog Peak Mountains means conquering the dangers the name evokes. Threats of ogres, centaurs, red wolves, and other wild animals as well as gorges, cliffs, and snowstorms are dealt with in the usual manner. But even skilled trekkers are easily lost in these mountains, confounded by areas of mind fog, enthrall, or confusion magic. Many simply find themselves unable to leave. This fogging of people’s minds is what earned these peaks their name.
A new danger is present as well: the divine-created Embla.
Glingiling, the [Obad-Hai] priest who passed through Azurestone, is connected to the missing sculpture, though he hardly knows it. He connected his visions of a red raven through some unusual sightings. On sailing ship Glingiling saw an ancient sea-turtle exhibiting a unique coral-colored shell. An elk with a brilliant coppery coat is mounted in a highland tavern. The chestnut-colored quill wielded by a traveling playwright came from a pegasus. The priest followed his vision until reaching Raven’s Vale where a sense of divine peace filled him.
Glingiling is not surprised when a creature approaches him to speak with a voice that sounds like leaves rustling in the wind. The creature appears to be carved from redwood. Its head is shaped like a raven’s and its toes radiate out like roots leaving a star shape print. It says they themselves Embla. They believe they were given shape from the One Tree and that [Obad-Hai] breathed life into them to be its protectors. Upon meeting Glingiling the Embla learn of the Flight of Ravens and it fractures their society. Some believe the One Tree is a symbol. Another branch believes it is the One Tree trapped as a seed and it is their responsibility to punish Azurestone for taking it.
This branch is responsible for the empty pedestal in the woodcarver’s guild.
This branch must also be defeated in the final confrontation. The Embla have created a wooden labyrinth. Originally the concentric circles represented the rings of the One Tree, but now the maze is filled with deadfalls, logrolls, water hazards, and spiked pits. These Embla place the Flight of Ravens here and will use their wood shaping ability to control the terrain and destroy those who would destroy the One Tree. They have added Glingiling to this list and he must be rescued as the one person who can strike a balance with the Embla.
I'm pretty confident at this point that the main reasons I was rejected were the 80%/20% problem (too much back story, not enough adventure detail), and thus not providing enough information on encouters, challenges, and rewards. I know I followed directions properly, proofread it enough to eliminate spelling and grammar errors, and mostly stayed out of the passive voice, as well as hitting pretty close (without going over) to the 800 word mark (I have a feeling submissions that fell far short of the 800 word count were rejected for fear of the writer not being able to hit the word count). I may have run afoul of the IP problem, because I tried to include a reinvented wendigo as a new monster, but I'm still a little unclear as to how much that affected it. Knowing that my main problem was lack of detail (and their lack of time and inclination to provide mass feedback), I'm sure none of the guys can comment on how much my wendigo idea affected my submission.
Next time I'm definitely focussing more on PC perspective detail of the adventure idea.
Here is mine, though it's so short that it probably doesn't need to be in a spoiler. Congrats and good luck to everybody who made it through. To you Paizo guys, thanks for the feed back about the submissions.
** spoiler omitted **
Vissigoth, your submission is very good on adventure detail, I think, but I'm sure the brevity was a problem. My understanding of publishing (and I'm pretty sure this holds true for Paizo as well) is that when a publisher gives you a word count, they want you to get as close to that word count as possible. Falling far short of a word count is as much a problem as going over. I think if you nail the word count exactly, you get a smiley-face sticker.
Obviously for an initial submission, the worry is not about filling up space, but I can see where they would be concerned that, if you can't fill 800 words up request, can they be sure you can fill 22,000 by the deadline? Especially in this case, as they freely admitted that Flight of the Red Raven was on an agressive schedule.
Here is mine, though it's so short that it probably doesn't need to be in a spoiler. Congrats and good luck to everybody who made it through. To you Paizo guys, thanks for the feed back about the submissions.
** spoiler omitted **
critique: I liked the avalanche driving them inside, it provides a handful of encounters. I found 'the item' to be too vague and a trapped celestial as probably overpowered for 4th level. I think the brevity might have meant some questions not answered or at least not enough, but I think it helped in that the overall work is succinct and to the point. None of that historical/technological/philosophical dumping that can bog a reader down.
Hey chris I will look at it before sunday I have a midterm on friday and a wedding on Saturday. I have read it and jotted down some notes I will post on the weekend, sorry for the delay!
Sorry this took a while Chris
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RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Thanks, Larcifer. Those were very helpful insights.
You may be right, when you suggest that ioun stones, intermittently flying wagons, and extradimensional wizard lairs might have been too high on the magic curve for 4th Level characters.
But I suspect that comes from my personal DM style: I go out of my way to put "cool magic" effects in adventures, perhaps earlier and at lower-power than most people.
Okay, for your reading pleasure, or displeasure, my take on W3 - Flight of the Red Raven.
Enjoy, comments are appreciated, too.
Robert N. Emerson
Grand Master Delver CuDraoi at Delver's Square
Magister of Glen Ravin
The Emerson PapersEx Ignorantia Ad Sapientiam; E Luce Ad Tenebras
W3 - Flight of the Red Raven
Spoiler:The Red Raven is a detailed life-sized statue of a raven crafted out of a veined crystal of a red hue that lends color to its name. The statue is a minor magic item that the villagers use to scout the wilds surrounding the village during the harsh winter months. When the name Uodan is called, while holding the statue in the dawn’s cresting light, the Red Raven turns into a large corvid that launches into the sky, searching as commanded, before returning to impart the information gathered to the one called its name.With the Red Raven, the village has survived each winter with minor loss of life and strife, but it is still a struggle for the stout, hard-working folk. Without the Red Raven, the village will have a difficult time finding game or lost friends and family in wilderness frontier around their village.
Although the village has always used the magical sculpture for the good of the community, such as searching for game or lost villagers, there are no restrictions on what it can be commanded to scout, save for distance and visibility. It cannot be sent to find a subterranean lair or horde, unless it is already underground, nor sent to another plane without first being there.
Not only must the heroes race against the coming snow and dangers of terrain, but also local predators looking to complete their winter fattening before the season settles its glacial clutch upon the wilds. There are several humanoid tribes, too, that might interfere with the party, either because they are opportunistic or loosely allied with Eoln.Also, their...
critique:
Here's my never-submitted take on the adventure. It's remarkably similar to Mr. Emerson's ideas.
What is the object that vanished and why is it important to retrieve it?
The “Red Raven” is a statuette, depicting a raven perched on a rocky pinnacle. The statuette is carved from a single ruby. Its value is considerable and vital to the wellbeing of the community of Azurestone, where the statuette was recently uncovered during the digging of a new town well. Azurestone is a farming community that is in dire straights after a summer of unusual weather wiped out the crops and dried up the old well. The sale of the statuette will provide much needed cash to purchase food for the residents for the coming winter.
What are two of the obstacles that the PCs must overcome while chasing down the object?
Wilderness obstacles include weather, terrain, wild animals, and intelligent inhabitants. Here are two:
1. A climatic switch from a late-autumn heat wave to an approaching cold snap with blizzard conditions. The PCs’ pursuit begins in the heat but ends in the cold. Heat wave thunderstorms in the mountains have swollen a major river and washed out the only bridge. In the foothills, the storms have set a large forest fire burning. The PCs must deal with the fire and, once the blizzard hits, cold and snow. It is possible that elements of both fire and snow will apply until the blizzard drowns out the fire.
2. A family of starving werebears is trying to prepare for winter “hibernation”. Hunting and gathering has been poor because of the unusual weather this summer. The PCs might have to fight to avoid becoming a tasty addition to the bears’ larder or might negotiate their way past the dangerous predators.
Who took the object and why?
The Red Raven was taken by a clan of dwarves living in the Fog Peak Mountains. The raven has been the clan standard for centuries and the Red Raven statuette was the cultural symbol of the Red Raven clan and “hearthstone” of the clan’s hold. The Raven was carved by a talented Red Raven clan craftsman, who was also their greatest king. When the Raven was looted after the conquest of the hold by a lowland warlord 150 years ago, the clan and the hold both went into decline and barely survive today. When the clan heard about the finding of the Raven in Azurestone, they felt their very survival depended upon returning it to its original home. A recovery team was sent to retrieve it at any cost. The team managed to acquire the Raven without any bloodshed or major property damage and is now fleeing home.
What will the final showdown with the culprit look like?
The PCs will catch the dwarves at the entrance to the mountain pass leading to their hold. The forest fire closes in on the trail through the foothills behind them while the first onset of winter roars towards them over the frontal slope of the mountains. The PCs must settle matters with the dwarves, by force, diplomacy, or theft, all while a forest fire and blizzard simultaneously close in. Obviously the PCs face the additional challenge of a moral dilemma in dealing with the arguably rightful owners of the statue—not to mention the tempting value of the Raven itself.
What new monster do you plan to include in this adventure?
Nanda:
The dwarves have domesticated a breed of snow leopard, known as the Nanda or Cloud Cat. The cats act as hunting companions, guard animals, and beasts of burden. They are similar to leopards but have concealment on snow or if it is lightly snowing and have invisibility in heavy snow conditions. Their adaptation to cold climates makes them vulnerable to heat and fire. Depending upon when the PCs encounter the dwarves, the Cats can be dangerous or a nuisance.
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** spoiler omitted **
First off, thanks for the comments and advice, it is greatly appreciated.
I was really hoping to make a Raven that was useful, but not epic in scope or idea and I'm glad it came across.
It's an odd thing, but I have a weird habit of omitting thats from time to time, so much so that I sometimes nail them in editing, too.
I think my inner child hates them, or something, which I wish he wouldn't, but we're working on it. *grins*
It wouldn't surprise me, nor would I blame the reviewers, if that was a stopping point, as it could easily fall under badly written when they've got so much to review.
Hoepfully, though, they made it farther than that and it failed for other reasons.
Eoln was introduced so oddly because I kept adding and shifting stuff, but I meant to have him introduced as he was identified as the thief, obviously I missed that.
It was suppose to be something like: So and so, a such and such who had this and that happen, took the thing from the place and fled toward the higher place where it is cold. He is allies with them and them, with an animal friend that is a this and leads those.
But, you get the idea of how things were suppose to fit, yet I mismashed it.
Anyhow, thanks for looking at my piece, I agree with a lot of what you said and hoepfully it'll help keep me on track next time. *grins*
Thanks!
Robert N. Emerson
Grand Master Delver CuDraoi at Delver's Square
Magister of Glen Ravin
The Emerson Papers
Ex Ignorantia Ad Sapientiam; E Luce Ad Tenebras
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Here's my never-submitted take on the adventure. It's remarkably similar to Mr. Emerson's ideas.
Well, Professor, I gotta admit that that is a bit eerie, but cool.
I like your idea, a lot, it's kind of neat how two similar, yet different ideas form from just a brief outline.
Robert N. Emerson
Grand Master Delver CuDraoi at Delver's Square
Magister of Glen Ravin
The Emerson Papers
Ex Ignorantia Ad Sapientiam; E Luce Ad Tenebras
Well, I lost. I just got the e-mail. I will post my proposal soon. Good luck to the winner!
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Well, I lost. I just got the e-mail. I will post my proposal soon. Good luck to the winner!
Hey Rogue, you didn't lose, I think we all did really well to get selected to the top 12.
When I saw your post I checked my email, and I wasn't selected either. Oh well, I had a lot of fun with the process, and I think even without going further this has taught me a bit about the process. Thanks to the Gamesmastery guys for their time and feedback, and for Paizo for running this.
I'm really looking forward to seeing the final product (and I have my fingers crossed that it might be one of the other board regulars who gets selected - but good luck to the winner either way).
I'm happy to post my original submission here too, assuming that is ok with the Paizo guys?
Well, I lost. I just got the e-mail. I will post my proposal soon. Good luck to the winner!Hey Rogue, you didn't lose, I think we all did really well to get selected to the top 12.
When I saw your post I checked my email, and I wasn't selected either. Oh well, I had a lot of fun with the process, and I think even without going further this has taught me a bit about the process. Thanks to the Gamesmastery guys for their time and feedback, and for Paizo for running this.
I'm really looking forward to seeing the final product (and I have my fingers crossed that it might be one of the other board regulars who gets selected - but good luck to the winner either way).
I'm happy to post my original submission here too, assuming that is ok with the Paizo guys?
Good point, Mothman. I agree that the experience in and of itself was a lot of fun and also very informative.
I also was not selected. The name of the winner may have been slipped in the paizo chat, but Vic was not absolutely sure other than that he suspected the winner would be named in tonight's Blog.
- Ashavan
It turns out that Hill Giant is the winner. Gratz to Hill Giant and all the people who had this chance to enter! Lucky Devils! I wish I was as creative as you all are! ~grins and fades out to RT to do some work~
Good job Mr. Schwartz. Are you the same David Schwartz who did the Mesopotamian pantheon article in . . . Dragon 329? I really dug that article.
Good job Mr. Schwartz. Are you the same David Schwartz who did the Mesopotamian pantheon article in . . . Dragon 329? I really dug that article.
I think he is. But I will let him verify that.
I too must place myself on this noble board of hopefuls.
Agin gongrats to Hill Giant, and many thanks to Paizo for this fine opportunity. I have learned much, and will be posting my failing article when okayed.
This was a while back, but I just wanted to clarify something:
If you want to talk about unfair encounters, let me tell you about the half-orc raiders I was going to put in.
By the DMG p49, you can have up to 9 CL1s in an EL6 encounter.
2nd level half-orc fighters are an EL1.
2nd level half-orc fighters are EL2, not 1. 2nd level half-orc *warriors* are EL1. And for good reason, they wouldn't have the two bonus feats needed to pull off the rest of the post.
[/ancient nitpicking]