FuelDrop's page

If I were capable of ripping reality a new one with powerful magic gained through decades/centuries of study, I'm probably not going to feel inclined to use that power to make life easier for some merchants. I have unraveled the mysteries of the cosmos, why should I listen to some petty king and his self-serving commands?

On top of this, remember that a lot of the really powerful spellcasters are going to be former adventurers. Former adventurers who might be sorcerers, and thus not have a vast array of civilian utility spells at their disposals.

And now for something completely different - attack someone with the banana.

Hang on, are you supposed to have the banana or are they?

@Icyshadow: I smell a story...

"I'm Batman.": Become Batman. (Not sure how, but I am fairly sure someone's done it at some point.)

By the power vested in me by this giant bald bird, the president shall not be the the shiniest of two turds!

I forgot.:
within at most one hour after a magical effect that increases your knowledge checks expires, fail a knowledge check that would have succeeded if the magic was still active. Intelligence boosting magic is acceptable.

"I'm A Changed Man" (don a girdle of gender)

Alternative: Not the man I used to be.

33. Who dressed you? You're obviously not smart enough to do it yourself.

34. Last time I met someone as ugly as you, they were a zombie.

Look at it this way: what is the worst way that Yellowdingo could possibly screw up with this as his acceptance speech?

All In The Beard: Seduce a dwarf maiden.

Grab some poison and label it Potion of Cure X Wounds? Oh right, Chaotic Good. At least it covers the chaotic part.

Any mislabeled potion would do, but I think the best you could get would be a customized Bestow Curse labeled as a Potion of Invisibility. (It's not a particularly malign curse ofcourse, just something that would make it obvious he did it. Work with your GM here.) Make sure he can get to it, but make it look like he's the greatest thief in the world. Don't use Mage Lock, you have to make sure he can get to the potion.
Alternatively, bribe the guards to keep an eye out on your house or not-Drizz't.

Bestow curse: Theme music plays whenever he sneaks.

Freehold DM wrote:

That's quite a claim...

The ten year old me who wanted to marry princess leia just screamed 'Noooo!' it needed to be her in the carbonite. She could have been young forever.

That ten year old you is a little bit creepy...

You know, thinking about it... the cast of characters was perfect. I was overjoyed when each and every one of them died due to their own stupidity and hubris.

Needed some Oompa-loompas to sing them out though. That would have improved the movie tremendously.

Wasn't The Phantom Menace supposed to be the best thing ever? Just saying.

We had one last night.

The character was a cthulhu worshiping nutjob. The player nailed it and was a very good sport when we handed him in for the bounty and asked him to tinker with his concept a bit to make the PC play better with others. Still, the session was fantastic and everyone had a bunch of laughs.

Of course as a player character, he in fact has a chance. But how would the city know that exactly?

Guards get a special sense that allows them to detect main character status. It's how they know who they need to attack in single file rather than mob en mass.

I'm 24. More patient than when I was 16... which is good, because I now have access to chainsaws and hockey masks, a combination that does not go well with a quick temper and violent urges.

"Devil's Advocate" wrote:

The last survivors think they know the true Engineer's homeworld and make their way back to the ship and fly away.

This is exactly why I am excited to see the next movie. Love this set-up.

Going to the Engineers homeworld, after they've already demonstrated that they are willing to put considerable resources into wiping out humanity and the only reason they haven't is that something went wrong and they haven't realized they failed yet, rather than going home and warning earth so it isn't completely undefended when they do rock up to finish the job?

I see no problems with this plan at all.

What was that other idea? Oh yeah, a jet engine made with a magically heated ring and a decanter of endless water.

Have some other pirates in a jet powered pirate ship pull up beside them and challenge them to a race.

This classic and much mocked article is a source of much katana hate.

I shoulda joined the army...

"Join the army" they said.

If he really wants to play a Drizzt clone then possibly point out that his idol would not approve of his actions.
At all. Having read most of the books (I stopped about the time that the series continuing became editorial mandate rather than the author having new stories to tell) I can promise that the original Drizzt was not a thief, and was in fact largely unconcerned with material wealth. I mean, having him write angst-filled monologues might be annoying but at least it will distract him from his antics.

The "Roleplayer"

This guy believes that whatever he does in character, no matter how detrimental to the party, is alright because he's "Roleplaying". This is contrasted by the actual roleplayers of the group, who know that everyone is here for a good time and having one person be a dick to everyone isn't conductive to that.

Also, the rest of us can roleplay too f***nuts and we're saying our characters aren't putting up with this any more. Roll something that can work in a team or GTFO.

Why play first world summoner? Because I feel like it.

The black goo seems to be a pretty lousy bio weapon in my book. It's far too potent to handle safely, seems completely none-selective in its targets, and lingers for centuries.

This means that it renders whatever world you shoot it at lifeless and uninhabitable into the foreseeable future, which is fine if that's what you're trying to do but is in and of itself a dumb strategy when not part of a scorched earth campaign.

Using a weapon like that to force a surrender from an interstellar empire in the same way that WW2 ended is one thing, but you wouldn't break out nuclear weapons to take down some tribesmen who've just learned to make boats. It's overkill, prevents you from profiting from the situation, and is dumb in other ways.

It'd make more sense if they were planning on using earth for test firing before actually using it in a war, just to get the kinks out, but that leads in to point 2: Use robots to handle your bioweapon.

If you have something that you know is so insanely dangerous that you're expecting it to take down an entire planet, and you know that it only works against living things, then send it on an automated ship and use it remotely. If necessary, tail along behind in a separate ship to observe, but do not hang out on the same ship as the bioweapon. Seriously, it cannot end well. If for whatever reason you must be on the same ship as the bioweapon, have an option to jettison the entire section it's in into space for later retrieval. Have a self destruct method on hand that can stop the problem the moment things get out of control. At least show some respect and care when handling your planet-killing weapon!

Of course, the true strength of an all bard party is that you get to go around introducing yourself as a band.

All Dwarf Bard Party: Rock/Metal band. 'Cause all Dwarfs care about is Rock, Metal, and Axes.

All Elf Bard Party: Boy Band. Complete with lip synching to ghost sound.

Anyone got any other good speciesist jokes for the bands?

Ooh. All hunters group = ALL OF THE TEAMWORK FEATS!

Stealth Synergy + 4 hunters + 4 animal companions = roll 8 dice and pick the highest for stealth! ouch!

Outflank? You have all of the outflank. The enemy is so badly flanked that they think their back is their front!

You know, if you choose to play a Goblin Alchemist then you should probably expect to get killed.

I mean you're a Goblin! of course you're going to die.

An adventurer is you!: Create a Pathfinder character.

One shot, one kill: Kill an enemy at least 2 range increments away with a critical hit from a two-handed firearm.

Master Sniper: Kill an enemy at 10 range increments with a critical hit from a two-handed firearm.

If you want to max Bluff even more you can dip a level of Rakshasa bloodline sorcerer for an extra +5 bonus a few times each day.

Just grab that with eldritch heritage.

I think the first problem here was sending SWAT, the guys who're trained in taking down terrorists, armed robbers, arms dealers, and other people who're likely to shoot back, to help this guy.
SWAT are badass men and women of action, not field psychologists. It's Special Weapons And Tactics, not Suicide Watch And Talkers. (sorry for awful acronym)

I didn't enjoy Prometheus. I didn't have any problem following the main plot, even if I thought most of the characters were morons and it felt contrived in the extreme in places, but I could follow it fairly easily. I just didn't like it.

Worst I had was by a loved one. I still cringe.

It was a bastions of "and then" s with things like being the master swordmaster of a country, world renowned, adopted into nobility and was the bestest best at everything.

Then got amnesia and forgot it all.

/facepalm

As an aside-it's not the worst character story I've heard...but the worst wasn't for a game.

It was a "short story" I was asked to look at and review, possibly offer editing help.

It was seven pages long.

The intro involved a guy sitting on a hill as a hermit who punches god, the runs down a mountain to a stable, where they breed monster horses. The guys sleeps with the girl who maintains the stable and then punches the horses when they try to bite him, and tucks one under either arm and runs into a city, where he beats up the big evil and marries the princess.

That's it.

He did not like my review.

So... you review anime scripts then?

Personally, if your character is either likable or useful enough to excuse their faults then things are fine. Every character has positives and negatives, and sometimes the tradeoff for having a badass fighter watching your back is that he starts fights.

HOWEVER, if your character is an a!@&&+! and a liability, the only reason we have you along is because EVERYONE ELSE is willing to break character enough to not kick you out on your ass. If we have to act out of character to accommodate your dumb ass, you can act out of character to avoid screwing things up for us.

Played in a dungeon once where the key to escaping from the room we were in was hidden inside a stuffed toy teddy bear. The trouble was there were dozens of them, each one treated as an Exploding Runes spell when cut open. We went through every healing potion and spell before finding the key, then opened the door into something worse.

And you didn't just put all the exploding teddies against the door as an improvised breaching charge because?

Have you considered seeing a cleric about this? It sounds like it could use the attention of a medical professional.

Players who stubbornly refuse to learn how to play the game in general and their character in particular.
"What do I need to roll for attack?" gets old after the 20th time in a row, let alone the 200th time.

Players who's sole idea of roleplaying is to instigate in-party conflict. Seriously guys, the GM is already trying to kill us, we don't need to be watching our backs for daggers in co-operative games (Games like Paranoia, games about court intrigue, ect where PvP on some level is expected, that's fine. Your rogue backstabbing you the moment the dragon dies so he gets a bigger share of the loot? That's not fine. If I am forced to be OoC by having my character adventure with your sorry ass, the least you can do is break character enough to be trustworthy to your fellow PCs.)

Congratulations.

One of the worst "back stories" I've ever seen was in shadowrun:

"My character was a pineapple farmer who's parents were killed by a megacorp so he became a ninja and fights crime."

Note that the character is a member of a group of professional criminals, and was hanging out with a completely amoral mercenary who'd had all her limbs replaced by cybernetics due to having grown up in Chicago (which in shadowrun was nuked and is now basically Mad Max type society. Sorry, I just can't get beyond thunderdome.) and thus having cancer riddling most of her body, another professional hitman, a psychotic rigger, and a VR WOW addict who's brain had been burned so badly he believed he was his rogue, and went around speaking l33t and trying to backstab people.

Naturally, this didn't end well. Becoming pineapple Batman in a game built around being criminals generally doesn't.

I admit, back in the day my back-stories were all ripoffs of whatever I'd read that week.

i was like 13. so sue me!

Metagaming?

That knowledge is beyond your clearance! Report to the nearest termination booth immediately, you commie mutant traitor!

Congratulations.

1) Find Girdle of opposite gender.
2a) Wear it yourself to fit into the group dynamic
2b) Give to someone else to increase Male-Female ratio
3) Steal underpants.
4) ???
5) Profit.

Kill em all, let Pharasma sort em out.

Though it might be hard to sail the boat alone...

(Note: I would give exactly the same advice if the situation was gender flipped. I just like killing.)

Hastur, Hastur, Hastur.

GM says: (in shorter terms) The huge man has such muscles even the str 20 paladin seems weak. His helm has 4 great horns, he carries a big battleaxe and he arm-wrestles cyclopses for fun. He came ALONE.

GM means: attacking this man is pretty much suicide, he'll hand your ass to you for breakfast.

And...yes....3 of the party attacked him, 2 turns of each 1-hit dropping a character.

I'm actually running a game ATM with a character who is impossible for the PCs to beat until they depower him. I've come right out and said that they cannot win against him (with a conditional clause that if they come up with something insanely innovative I'll let them get away with it). Everyone seems to be okay with this.

Player says: Hi.

Player means: Greetings, fool. There is no turning back now, no escape from this rabbit hole of horror and dread, ending only in the doom of the game and fallout so bad that you'll never want to see your friends again. Then, when you are completely and utterly broken I will feast on your agonized tears.

Alternatively...

Player means: Hello.

I hand Wile E Coyote, Super Genius an acme product and watch nature take its course...

MrSin wrote:

Goats? Why goats? Why not Cows? Do I want to know?

Because goats go to hell.

We make our own hell.

Re: Surrender.
Paladins should accept surrender when practical, but this is a provisional thing.

If accepting a surrender will significantly hinder an important mission, then refusing to accept the surrender is perfectly valid.

EG: The group is trying to stop a doomsday cult from summoning a Balor in the middle of a city. Fighting through the outer defenders of the cult, one of them surrenders.
In this instance sparing the time to restrain the man could mean being too late to stop the plan, and letting him go to gather allies behind the group or alert the rest of the defenders makes him likewise a liability. In this instance the Paladin is entirely justified in killing him (or preferably knocking him out to deal with later) simply because there's too much at stake to stop and deal with it properly.

If the surrendering individual has a history of surrendering then backstabbing whoever takes him prisoner, the paladin is under no obligation to honour his surrender as there is solid evidence that it is not given in good faith.

There are other circumstances where accepting a surrender is not required of a paladin, but these are some good examples.

If you want to play a healer, then power to you.

However, I might suggest looking at some of the alternative channeling powers available. Buffing and healing at the same time is hardly something to sniff at, after all!