What is the worst roleplaying / backstory you have ever seen?


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"I've been mostly dead all day"


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Just recalled one I've seen.

"A witch turned me into a newt... I got better! Now I want revenge!" and that was that.


Ow. My brain hurts now.


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Zhangar wrote:
Liranys wrote:
KenderKin wrote:
Liranys wrote:
A rogue. Wielding a Greatsword. This does not compute. Yeah, I'd say that beats the rogue-trying-to-be-a-fighter hands down.
Greataxe wielding rogue has been a tradition since 1st edition!
Because it's so very easy to be sneaky while wielding a freaking great big ax?
Jason Voorhees can do it. So can half-orc rogues =P

Now I want to include a Randy Teenager Bane Machete in a random loot pile sometime...


The tavern I was in got attacked by orcs. I challenged them to a drinking contest, drunk myself into a stupor, and ended up here.


Worst I had was by a loved one. I still cringe.

It was a bastions of "and then" s with things like being the master swordmaster of a country, world renowned, adopted into nobility and was the bestest best at everything.

Then got amnesia and forgot it all.

/facepalm

As an aside-it's not the worst character story I've heard...but the worst wasn't for a game.

It was a "short story" I was asked to look at and review, possibly offer editing help.

It was seven pages long.

The intro involved a guy sitting on a hill as a hermit who punches god, the runs down a mountain to a stable, where they breed monster horses. The guys sleeps with the girl who maintains the stable and then punches the horses when they try to bite him, and tucks one under either arm and runs into a city, where he beats up the big evil and marries the princess.

That's it.

He did not like my review.


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dkonen wrote:

Worst I had was by a loved one. I still cringe.

It was a bastions of "and then" s with things like being the master swordmaster of a country, world renowned, adopted into nobility and was the bestest best at everything.

Then got amnesia and forgot it all.

/facepalm

As an aside-it's not the worst character story I've heard...but the worst wasn't for a game.

It was a "short story" I was asked to look at and review, possibly offer editing help.

It was seven pages long.

The intro involved a guy sitting on a hill as a hermit who punches god, the runs down a mountain to a stable, where they breed monster horses. The guys sleeps with the girl who maintains the stable and then punches the horses when they try to bite him, and tucks one under either arm and runs into a city, where he beats up the big evil and marries the princess.

That's it.

He did not like my review.

So... you review anime scripts then?


FuelDrop wrote:
dkonen wrote:

Worst I had was by a loved one. I still cringe.

It was a bastions of "and then" s with things like being the master swordmaster of a country, world renowned, adopted into nobility and was the bestest best at everything.

Then got amnesia and forgot it all.

/facepalm

As an aside-it's not the worst character story I've heard...but the worst wasn't for a game.

It was a "short story" I was asked to look at and review, possibly offer editing help.

It was seven pages long.

The intro involved a guy sitting on a hill as a hermit who punches god, the runs down a mountain to a stable, where they breed monster horses. The guys sleeps with the girl who maintains the stable and then punches the horses when they try to bite him, and tucks one under either arm and runs into a city, where he beats up the big evil and marries the princess.

That's it.

He did not like my review.

So... you review anime scripts then?

Wow attacking anime?! Shame on you!

Anime is a form of media nothing more. It has stories both good and bad just like any other media. And to be honest that wouldn't have been published by anyone for any media.


Aranna wrote:

Wow attacking anime?! Shame on you!

*Shrug* It was an easy target, and one with an overabundance of best swordsmasters in the world and other super-characters in several of the better-known works.

Though that said, I could just as well have gone with a "so the character was Drizzt Do'urden with amnesia then?" joke as well. I'm an equal opportunity offender.


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Artemis Moonstar wrote:

Just recalled one I've seen.

"A witch turned me into a newt... I got better! Now I want revenge!" and that was that.

I did that to a player once when I was running. The baddie of the session was a mad druid, and when the polymorph landed I stood up, pointed at the player, and started in the bad English accent.

"I turned you into a neewwt!"

She immediately asked if she would get better.


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FuelDrop wrote:
. . . I'm an equal opportunity offender.

Ah. An enlightened criminal. I approve. :)


Te'Shen wrote:
FuelDrop wrote:
. . . I'm an equal opportunity offender.
Ah. An enlightened criminal. I approve. :)

It does make the world a target rich environment. :)

Shadow Lodge

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FuelDrop wrote:
Aranna wrote:

Wow attacking anime?! Shame on you!

*Shrug* It was an easy target, and one with an overabundance of best swordsmasters in the world and other super-characters in several of the better-known works.

One of my former players - and one of the few I have no interest in inviting back to my table - was heavily hyper-into Anime. Most other media didn't interest him: he didn't read books, he didn't read non-manga comics, he didn't care for most movies, and the only video games he cared for were console JRPGs (which, I must confess, are also my favorite kind of video game, but otherwise my own entertainment sources are a bit more varied).

Every character he ever made was some anime-ized self-insert. It got pretty annoying fairly quickly for the rest of us, after the third round of "world's greatest warrior" monks or hadoken-throwing sorcerers, and he tended to get annoyed when the game mechanics didn't allow him to pull off the anime's stunts. I dreaded but thankfully never experienced the day where he ended up in a party of otherwise-female PCs, because I know he would have tried to treat it like he was the main character of a harem anime and then gotten irked when things didn't play out as expected.


Orthos wrote:
FuelDrop wrote:
Aranna wrote:

Wow attacking anime?! Shame on you!

*Shrug* It was an easy target, and one with an overabundance of best swordsmasters in the world and other super-characters in several of the better-known works.

One of my former players - and one of the few I have no interest in inviting back to my table - was heavily hyper-into Anime. Most other media didn't interest him: he didn't read books, he didn't read non-manga comics, he didn't care for most movies, and the only video games he cared for were console JRPGs (which, I must confess, are also my favorite kind of video game, but otherwise my own entertainment sources are a bit more varied).

Every character he ever made was some anime-ized self-insert. It got pretty annoying fairly quickly for the rest of us, after the third round of "world's greatest warrior" monks or hadoken-throwing sorcerers, and he tended to get annoyed when the game mechanics didn't allow him to pull off the anime's stunts. I dreaded but thankfully never experienced the day where he ended up in a party of otherwise-female PCs, because I know he would have tried to treat it like he was the main character of a harem anime and then gotten irked when things didn't play out as expected.

Super-rabid fans can be the worst.


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Rabid fans OR rabid haters are indeed annoying.

edit: Nothing wrong at all with anime inspired characters... so long as you realize you are in the game world not the anime, so you can probably do far less (or far more in the case of many high school drama based characters) than you are expecting from the anime.


Aranna wrote:

Rabid fans OR rabid haters are indeed annoying.

edit: Nothing wrong at all with anime inspired characters... so long as you realize you are in the game world not the anime, so you can probably do far less (or far more in the case of many high school drama based characters) than you are expecting from the anime.

That too.


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Just popping in to say that the above poster is a gentleman and scholar with excellent taste in books.

As for the topic. The worst background I've seen was, "Well... really I just wanted to maximize the potential of a bomb throwing alchemist. No, don't really have any goals for him or anything, just wanted to see how the numbers turned out. What, oh yeah. It's a guy I guess. I play guy characters. I should probably put the name and gender stuff down shouldn't I?

Scarab Sages

Are the Lensman books that good? I never had much of an opportunity to read E. E. Doc Smith.


Belabras wrote:
Are the Lensman books that good? I never had much of an opportunity to read E. E. Doc Smith.

I read one. Triplanetary. I liked it. I meant to read others, as I have a friend of a friend that I respect who liked the series, but I just never got around to it.

It is, however, very dated sci-fi, and the language is probably a little more... educated than we typically use today, if my experience with Triplanetary is any indication. (...or maybe I am just dumber than I thought... :\ )


Belabras wrote:
Are the Lensman books that good? I never had much of an opportunity to read E. E. Doc Smith.

They can be a bit dated, it's obviously from the 50's in a lot of ways. But yes, they are pretty good. I have the whole series myself.

It's also one of the major inspirations for the current Green Lantern series. The whole 'galactic peacekeepers working for enigmatic elder race' is lifted from there wholesale. Plus they actually named one of the Green Lanterns after said race from the Lensman series.


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FuelDrop wrote:
dkonen wrote:

Worst I had was by a loved one. I still cringe.

It was a bastions of "and then" s with things like being the master swordmaster of a country, world renowned, adopted into nobility and was the bestest best at everything.

Then got amnesia and forgot it all.

/facepalm

As an aside-it's not the worst character story I've heard...but the worst wasn't for a game.

It was a "short story" I was asked to look at and review, possibly offer editing help.

It was seven pages long.

The intro involved a guy sitting on a hill as a hermit who punches god, the runs down a mountain to a stable, where they breed monster horses. The guys sleeps with the girl who maintains the stable and then punches the horses when they try to bite him, and tucks one under either arm and runs into a city, where he beats up the big evil and marries the princess.

That's it.

He did not like my review.

So... you review anime scripts then?

Sounds more like a Shonen script, which is wish fulfillment genre tailored to boys aged 10-14. while there are some unique Shonens, most of them use the same stock. Generally Shonens are known to have high powered protagonists because the whole point of a Shonen, is the fantasy of empowerment through watching the overpowered characters. in fact most of them aren't too different from reading north american superhero comics,

but there are also a variety of other anime i find more interesting, like the magical girl genre, which is about empowerment of the meek and helpless young girl as she becomes a dangerous badass engine of destruction aimed at the primary villains. while having characterization and feelings you don't see in a Shonen

in a Shonen, 90 percent of it is travel, beat up the monster of the weak, get free compensated place to rest and patch up, even though you destroyed half the city

in a typical magical girl series, you have friendships the protagonist seeks to protect, the magical girl typically has to conceal her identity from the public, typically has to worry about bullies abusing her meek and timid human self, has a minor crush she has to resolve, and has to find a muse for her ultimate upgrade. but there are generally more variety of magical girls than there are shonen characters.


Auren "Rin" Cloudstrider wrote:

like the magical girl genre, which is about empowerment of the meek and helpless young girl as she becomes a dangerous badass engine of destruction aimed at the primary villains.

Man, I don't know what you've been reading but send me a list. Most of the ones I've read none of them were anything that could be considered "badass engine of destruction"


Grey Lensman wrote:


They can be a bit dated, it's obviously from the 50's in a lot of ways.

50s? They're from the 1930s-1940s, golden age of Sci-fi!


Lloyd Jackson wrote:
Grey Lensman wrote:


They can be a bit dated, it's obviously from the 50's in a lot of ways.
50s? They're from the 1930s-1940s, golden age of Sci-fi!

I forget that the first books in the series are prequels, and as such have a later publishing date. First Lensman, the second book in the series, was first published in 1950.


You're totally right. The stories were first published in serial form in the 30s and 40s, but weren't printed as books until the 50s. Lensmen is what led me to Amazing Stories and the pulp magazines. Wonderful stuff.


Interestingly enough, I was led to the series by a loosely based upon the books anime (and I mean very loosely, but still good).


Really? What's it called?


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Either Galactic Patrol Lensman or Lensman: Secret of the Lens. Originally brought over by Harmony Gold (now consisting of a guy in an office whose sole purpose is to ensure no one can do anything with Macross without giving them all the profits) but currently unavailable according to Wikipedia. Apparently they took so many liberties the Smith estate has since refused any other adaptations. The big ones I remember are the lens becoming some kind of uber-cannon, and Helmuth was leaving a trail of dead underlings that Darth Vader would have balked at.


The Indescribable wrote:
Auren "Rin" Cloudstrider wrote:

like the magical girl genre, which is about empowerment of the meek and helpless young girl as she becomes a dangerous badass engine of destruction aimed at the primary villains.

Man, I don't know what you've been reading but send me a list. Most of the ones I've read none of them were anything that could be considered "badass engine of destruction"

Nanoha Takamachi is a badass engine of destruction

so is Meruru from Stardust Witch Meruru

most magical girls have high power levels that aren't as obvious of their shonen counterparts, but generally cause a different kind of overpowered shenaigans, meaning magical girls aren't weaklings

Homura Akemi has power over time and space

Kinomoto Sakura uses cards that could individually theoretically destroy cities in a matter of hours if she had less self control

i can find a few more later


Grey Lensman wrote:
Either Galactic Patrol Lensman or Lensman: Secret of the Lens. Originally brought over by Harmony Gold (now consisting of a guy in an office whose sole purpose is to ensure no one can do anything with Macross without giving them all the profits) but currently unavailable according to Wikipedia. Apparently they took so many liberties the Smith estate has since refused any other adaptations. The big ones I remember are the lens becoming some kind of uber-cannon, and Helmuth was leaving a trail of dead underlings that Darth Vader would have balked at.

Don't forget the Brittania's super cannon and the Boscone being refugees from the monster-sewer sequence of Vampire Hunter D.


Auren "Rin" Cloudstrider wrote:
The Indescribable wrote:
Auren "Rin" Cloudstrider wrote:

like the magical girl genre, which is about empowerment of the meek and helpless young girl as she becomes a dangerous badass engine of destruction aimed at the primary villains.

Man, I don't know what you've been reading but send me a list. Most of the ones I've read none of them were anything that could be considered "badass engine of destruction"

Nanoha Takamachi is a badass engine of destruction

so is Meruru from Stardust Witch Meruru

most magical girls have high power levels that aren't as obvious of their shonen counterparts, but generally cause a different kind of overpowered shenaigans, meaning magical girls aren't weaklings

Homura Akemi has power over time and space

Kinomoto Sakura uses cards that could individually theoretically destroy cities in a matter of hours if she had less self control

i can find a few more later

Most of these I don't know, but I am well aware of what Sakura could do. But I think we should define what badass engine of destruction means, badass, she's not even near this. Powerful yes, badass no, engine of destruction, perfectly capable of it, but seeing as how she really hasn't had an enemy to unleash it on, again, kinda have to say, not one. Now, if we want to be specific to anime vs manga, *because I haven't read the sailor moon manga, then usagi blew beryl away with what was basically a super charged hand held cannon. That I would give you badass engine of destruction. Even if those moments are rare. (And I haven't seen later seasons)

Who's nanoha?


Nanoha Takamachi is the Protagonist of Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha, basically, she is an elementary school student who happens to wield DBZ-esque destructive powers and the only reason she hasn't been executed by the guild, is because she always brings someone who can generate a bounded field to cut off space from her destruction, enemy mages have hyper inflated health pools if they bear any relevance to the plot and if it weren't for the bounded field, Nanoha would have been executed long before she gained officer status at 15, hell, she would have been executed before she even entered middle school.

Stardust Witch Meruru is a sub series that started as a series loved by the Protagonist of an H-Incest Manga called Oreimo and became it's own PG-7 Spinoff manga where Meruru wears frilly dresses, blows stuff up in a DBZ esque faction and has a Reskin of Nanoha's Starlight Breaker called Meteor impact, both of which are nukes that could wipe out a small city, white Starlight breaker is a high powered being, Meteor Impact involves Meru building momentum by flying up into space and suplexing her foe with the momentum of Atmospheric Re-Entry. it is a rather obscure 9 Volume manga that is out in Either Japanese or Castillian, you can't get it in any other language. i read the Castillian Version

Homura Akemi is one of the main magical girls of Puella Magi Madoka Magica, she kills grief stricking soul eating demons buy stopping time, traveling to Russia, Robbing and Armory. resting, traveling back, setting off a lot of heat, getting out of the fire and unstopping time for what basically amounts of to a nuclear level cocktail of chain reactive explosions.


Auren "Rin" Cloudstrider wrote:

Nanoha Takamachi ...

Stardust Witch Meruru ...

Homura Akemi ...

*mouth hanging open* Yeah, not arguing these characters, not even gonna try.

Stand by my argument on Sakura though. f%~&ing cardcaptors made me mispronounce that for years.

Also, they did a horrible job of editing out the same sex stuff in the americanized versions, at 14 I could tell tomoyo was in love with her.


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Aranna wrote:

Rabid fans OR rabid haters are indeed annoying.

They sure are!


Grey Lensman wrote:
Belabras wrote:
Are the Lensman books that good? I never had much of an opportunity to read E. E. Doc Smith.

They can be a bit dated, it's obviously from the 50's in a lot of ways. But yes, they are pretty good. I have the whole series myself.

It's also one of the major inspirations for the current Green Lantern series. The whole 'galactic peacekeepers working for enigmatic elder race' is lifted from there wholesale. Plus they actually named one of the Green Lanterns after said race from the Lensman series.

I had forgotten about them until mentioned here. I read several of them back in high school. As I recall, I thought they were pretty good but slow to build. If I recall correctly, at the time I knew some of the science stuff was off but I can't remember what.

Some friends tried a couple. They seemed to be polarizing. They either liked it or hated it. I don't think anyone said "eh not too bad" when they read some of it.

I was never able to find the whole set of them.


It took me a couple of years to get my (mismatched but complete) set of the novels. We used to have a very good used bookstore where I live, and they kept up a network with other used bookstores in the region. The bookstore is still open, but now is much more about the bottom line than about the books.


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I second the ee doc smith lensman series!

Green lantern was a cheap copy of the lensmen series!


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Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

I was particularly blessed to have Triplanetary through Children of the Lens in the family Sci-Fi collection. And had read them by age eleven, which made the science teachers... really happy. (Not.)

The worst roleplay/backstory I think I've come up with was for Milla Genwin Drappht, a half-elven druid who was ALL about the brew. And the making of the brew. And the GM didn't know how to handle a druid whose sole motivation for fighting stuff was to make enough money to produce an all-organic brewery and market the stuff. (It SHOULD be noted that this was the *early* '90's, before all-organic stuff became a thing.))

His family was a prestigious line of elven vintners and he hated wine because it always gave him a headache. Then he discovered dwarven ale, but wanted to make elven ale...

Every time we ran into what would be respectable loot, the question would be 'So, are there any preserved hops in the hoard? Do we find a nice wheat? Could the chests be used as pressure drums?'


Wei Ji the Learner wrote:


Every time we ran into what would be respectable loot, the question would be 'So, are there any preserved hops in the hoard? Do we find a nice wheat? Could the chests be used as pressure drums?'

That is hilarious.


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Wei Ji the Learner wrote:


The worst roleplay/backstory I think I've come up with was for Milla Genwin Drappht, a half-elven druid who was ALL about the brew. And the making of the brew. And the GM didn't know how to handle a druid whose sole motivation for fighting stuff was to make enough money to produce an all-organic brewery and market the stuff. (It SHOULD be noted that this was the *early* '90's, before all-organic stuff became a thing.))

His family was a prestigious line of elven vintners and he hated wine because it always gave him a headache. Then he discovered dwarven ale, but wanted to make elven ale...

Every time we ran into what would be respectable loot, the question would be 'So, are there any preserved hops in the hoard? Do we find a nice wheat? Could the chests be used as pressure drums?'

Sounds like the roleplay was annoying but the backstory is pretty good. More original than a lot of what you hear.

Dark Archive

Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

On a related note, I now have a new personality trait for my inquisitor of Cayden Cailean.


Wei Ji the Learner wrote:

I was particularly blessed to have Triplanetary through Children of the Lens in the family Sci-Fi collection. And had read them by age eleven, which made the science teachers... really happy. (Not.)

The worst roleplay/backstory I think I've come up with was for Milla Genwin Drappht, a half-elven druid who was ALL about the brew. And the making of the brew. And the GM didn't know how to handle a druid whose sole motivation for fighting stuff was to make enough money to produce an all-organic brewery and market the stuff. (It SHOULD be noted that this was the *early* '90's, before all-organic stuff became a thing.))

His family was a prestigious line of elven vintners and he hated wine because it always gave him a headache. Then he discovered dwarven ale, but wanted to make elven ale...

Every time we ran into what would be respectable loot, the question would be 'So, are there any preserved hops in the hoard? Do we find a nice wheat? Could the chests be used as pressure drums?'

You have perfectly described the back story for every "failed jedi" that ever played in a star wars game....."Cooomehere kids, hic, let me tell you about the force...hic."


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Pathfinder Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber
KenderKin wrote:


You have perfectly described the back story for every "failed jedi" that ever played in a star wars game....."Cooomehere kids, hic, let me tell you about the force...hic."

Except for one horrible one. *Name redacted as they are a current player in a campaign* is a womanizer of the nth degree. So much so that he has compromised at least four missions in the 'search for booty'. When confronted on this, his response was(paraphrased)... "Well, when sentients get together and get it on, that's the Force, baby!"


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Wei Ji the Learner wrote:
"Well, when sentients get together and get it on, that's the Force, baby!"

That sounds like the most amazing Jedi ever.


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Wei Ji the Learner wrote:
KenderKin wrote:


You have perfectly described the back story for every "failed jedi" that ever played in a star wars game....."Cooomehere kids, hic, let me tell you about the force...hic."

Except for one horrible one. *Name redacted as they are a current player in a campaign* is a womanizer of the nth degree. So much so that he has compromised at least four missions in the 'search for booty'. When confronted on this, his response was(paraphrased)... "Well, when sentients get together and get it on, that's the Force, baby!"

Terrible Jedi, Hilarious Line.


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"Hello my name is......sorry I have amnesia."


Hello, I am Generic Cleave Path Fighter #17.

Because putting Mr Welch in a powergaming hack-and-slash dungeon-crawler is a bad idea.


Wei Ji the Learner wrote:

The worst roleplay/backstory I think I've come up with was for Milla Genwin Drappht, a half-elven druid who was ALL about the brew. And the making of the brew. And the GM didn't know how to handle a druid whose sole motivation for fighting stuff was to make enough money to produce an all-organic brewery and market the stuff. (It SHOULD be noted that this was the *early* '90's, before all-organic stuff became a thing.))

His family was a prestigious line of elven vintners and he hated wine because it always gave him a headache. Then he discovered dwarven ale, but wanted to make elven ale...

Every time we ran into what would be respectable loot, the question would be 'So, are there any preserved hops in the hoard? Do we find a nice wheat? Could the chests be used as pressure drums?'

I've run across this player, except for this particular guy it was about pot. He was a madman about developing new spells and ideas to use pot to do everything. He also wanted to know if he ate mushroom people what the effect would be.

That was a very strange summer.


Essentially, the Main Difference Between Meruru and Nanoha is that Nanoha likes superheated energy based projectiles like homing lasers and starlight breakers while Meruru comes crashing down at people like she were a sentient meteor and mixing in more melee. not that Meruru doesn't throw miniature conjured physical comets the size of basketballs at people, but Nanoha clearly uses plasma damage while Meruru uses high impact bludgeoning damage. though both of their fighting styles have wide radiuses, Nanoha's plasma blasts and Meruru's meteor based fighting style. well, Meruru is a tank too.


From what I remember Nanoha, Fate & Hayate are in the 'Orbital bombardment' class of Magical girls.

Plus Hayate has her Wolkenritter to add to the fun.

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