That wonder being whose thigh has the most stitches!
I scoop dope rhymes off of the kitchen floor!
But your face makes me vomit if I don't have some brandy.
Listen up ladies, I'm just SO strong.
Dawg, you're an eldritch horror, you can't even feel.
I make builds that can kill a god.
Or you would if your eyes worked and you actually see!
I eat rhymes for breakfast and MCs for lunch!
And I'll choppo you uppo like a piece of fruit-o!
They call me Pulg, the Prize Plantain...
You are smoking too much of the greenery!
I come from humble beginnings.
And yet I'm the one who now has your winnings!
My dope rhymes caused the devil to be lit aflame!
You're like an Ice Gnome made out of modelling clay!
I'm the pride and joy of my father, Ymir!
THAT AM MEANING FRIEND WHO SUCK MORE THAN KIRBY.
BARBARIAN, MEANWHILE, AM ALWAYS WINNER.
I'll slay you and feed you to the wolves for dinner!
I am the almighty goblin slayer.
A step up from "the mighty tax payer"
People pay me tribute in piles of gold and silver!
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I'd like you to me meet my unrhymable friend: His name is Milver.
Using anti-rhyming tricks makes my head turn purple!
But your static drying tips don't include a whirlpool!
I'm built like a fireman the chiseled-est of the bunch!
Yet I could knock you out in one small punch!
I may be small but I am invincible to your slander.
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Pardon my candor,
but I refuse to pander,
when you start to speak, my attention starts to wander,
your mother likes to natter and I can't understand her,
and your father smells of coriander,
and the canyon between them could scarcely be grander,
while you're so ugly that when you try to philander,
even Baba Yaga says "sorry, I've got standards,"
you've got the voice of an old, sickly gander,
your ribs protrude from your sides like a salamander,
your eyes are as vacant as Derek Zoolander's,
you couldn't even get compassion out of Senator Sanders,
so why don't you just end it all and stick your head in a tandoor?!?
I'm so high and holy, the Pope's my chauffeur!
You windbag, stay in your Winnebago and avoid the saboteur!
My rhymes are like limes, delicious to some.
The only way I can listen to your rhymes is if I chase them with rum!
I see the point you make though, I just do it better.
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But your baby's in love with Eddie Vedder!
I'm the reason the air smells like warm root beer in Albuquerque!
But Your baby's in love with Eddie Vedder
Nothing wrong with that, he is an icon!
You have less guts than the Thanksgiving turkey!
My fans are obsessed when I take the stage.
What you know could fit in a kitchen appliance!
I’m the Hiphopopotamus, my lyrics are bottomless!
You're like the funny brown rind inside of a rotten truss!
I air through your flies with the greatest of ease...
When I hear you start to rap, I need a painkiller prescription.
I'm the best there is, and I'm second to none!
Indeed, in making people laugh you're number one.
I am the leader and magnificent ombudsman!
Your rhymes are ancient, get with the times.
You're out and I'm in, how's that for creation.
If that's rhetorical, I'm writing you a citation.
I'm the cream of the crop, you harvest what I'm sayin'?
You're awesome at acknowledging your momma is a [REDACTED]
I got a Mighty Meat Stick that intimidates the posers.
More like comic sadness, you fake-rhyming rep!
My rhymes bowl you over like a steam locomotive!
Your lines are duller than unusable borers.
My rhymes are so fresh, I sell 'em at a supermarket.
You sound like an old car, just pull over and park it.
I'm tripping on tryptophan and rapping while I sleep.
You think you’re good at rapping? That’s a logical leap!
I’m tarter than cranberries and tough as bone!
But your raps are like, "Your car, can I borrow?"
I'm the MC you love, suck it up and deal!