Corrupt the Wish


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Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Maps, Rulebook, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Granted. Now they hide and wait for you to accidentally approach them. then they strike.

I wish I was married to a hot super model.


Wish granted. You are married to a supermodel who is always on fire.

I wish that I owned a cool mansion.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Maps, Rulebook, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Granted. Your mansion resides at the South pole and does not have a heater.

I wish I had a cutting edge computer.
\


Granted! Your computer now has razor sharp Damascus edges. You cut yourself every time you are near it. And, unfortunately, it's not any faster.

I wish that when I spoke a different language, I'd also be able to use the accent that goes with that language.


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Granted. Languages have many regional and cultural accents, however, so the wish defaults to giving you the most riduculously exaggerated version of the poor urban speakers of that language.

Oh, and since English originated in England, your native language now sounds like Bert from Mary Poppins.

"Oi'd bettah put a liddle moah thot inta me wishes frum now on, roight, Merry Pawpins?"

I wish that I had background music appropriate to the situation play wherever I go.


Granted! I think this will work for you whether it's grocery shopping, yoga class, family bbq, or any other just around-town type of excursion.

I wish dogs really did play poker so I could cheat them out of their hard-earned money.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Maps, Rulebook, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Granted. But they easily catch you cheating and bite you.

I wish I lived in the City of Heroes Universe.


Granted. Given that the servers all shut down years ago, you are wrapped in the cool, loving embrace of oblivion: all your cares dissipating into soothing nothingness.

I wish I knew why.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Maps, Rulebook, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Granted. But Why turns out to be an a#!%$#++.

I wish that we had honest reporters.


Granted! But without sensationalism people stop watching, and instead give rise to even more "real" - "reality shows". Get ready for The Real World Grandfathers of Connecticut.

Actually, we all know what Connecticut's for! ;)

I wish I was my own thesaurus instead of having to use an electronic one. How neat cool copacetic b##*#in that would be!

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Maps, Rulebook, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Granted. But now you are never able to form a coherent sentence because you never can decide which word you want to use.

I wiah everyone a Merry Christmas


Granted. Everyone instantly becomes utterly drunk the moment Christmas Day hits and stays that way for twenty-four hours.

I with everyone a Happy New Year!

Sovereign Court

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Pathfinder Maps, Rulebook, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

"with"? I think you have been in the eggnog a bit much. :)

Granted. At Midnight everyone is joyously happy. When they wake up the next morning, then reality hits.

I wish all politicians were under the same curse as was used in "Liar, Liar".


Granted. Sadly it's on their day off.
(On the up side, now wars were started)

I wish i didn't have a christmas carol stuck in my head


Granted! Now you have The Polar Express song stuck in your head now.

I wish I wasn't allergic to so many things.


Granted! You aren't allergic to anything. However...everything is now allergic to you.

I wish I could withstand the cold while neked.


Granted! Now, if you are in any temperature above freezing, you catch fire.

I wish I could wish for a wish that would cancel a wish for a wish.


Granted. Said wish has been canceled.

I wish I could find the Spirit of the Holidays inside myself.

For the purposes of... gratification.


Granted. The Spirit of the Holidays bursts out of you, Alien chestburster-style, and promptly goes on a killing and gift-giving rampage.

I wish the Spirit of the Holidays would stop killing people.


Granted. Krampus has gone home to plot next years rampage.

I wish my dead friend, William Stone, a quick passage to heaven.


Grated! Quick.

I wish burnt offerings were really a secret code for bacon. I require burnt offerings!


Granted. It's burnt to the point it's effectively strips of charcoal.

I wish JTDV would eat that bacon anyway.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Maps, Rulebook, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Granted. But as he is secretly a dragon, it just stokes his flame and makes it burn hotter.

I wish I could live in outer space.


Granted! But no one lets you in their spacecraft, and you have to watch through the portholes as they go about their daily lives.

I wish my car had infinite reliability!


Granted! It's reliable to always break down at exactly the worst possible moment!

I wish I had a car that never broke down.


Granted. It breaks up, breaks apart, and falls to pieces. But it never breaks down.

This unit wishes people didn't take well-engineered infrastructure for granted.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Maps, Rulebook, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Granted. If they ever find any they will now praise it.

I wish for immorality.


Uh, granted! You are now subject to immorality. Bad things happen to you. Very bad things. And no justice anywhere in the land!

I wish that I lived in a world of floating land masses with rope bridges and slides connecting them and such.


Granted. The Goblin Monkeys live there. You are one of the monsters down on the surface that eat any that fall to Earth.

I wish my boss was not so mean to me.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Maps, Rulebook, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Granted. He hands you a pink slip. He is still mean to you, but is no longer your boss.

I wish it was above freezing.


Granted! Freezing is now moved to be thirty degrees colder, and it's now one degree above freezing.

I wish for a tandem-riding dwarf who throws space rocks to visit this thread.

Sovereign Court

Pathfinder Maps, Rulebook, Starfinder Maps, Starfinder Roleplaying Game Subscriber

Granted. But after proper medication the hallucination fades.

I wish that every day was Friday.


Granted, but it is always Friday between paychecks.

I wish this forum to be active again.

Scarab Sages

Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Maps, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Granted, but you forfeited your soul to the evil forum gods.

I wish for an extra 8 hours of sleep a night.


Granted. You no sleep sixteen hours a day, but the extra eight are filled with soul wrenching nightmares, and you attain no rest from them. Your eight waking hours are filled with the dread of what is to come when sleep takes you.

I wish for something interesting to do.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Now that you've done it to yourself, you are no longer interested in it. You might say you wish you didn't wish it.

I wish for more Starfinder players to live near me.

Scarab Sages

Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Maps, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Granted, but they don't like your body odor.

I wish I had time to take a vacation.


Granted! You now have as much time as you need take. Unfortunately, the only vacation destination that will be available to you from now until you die is your nearest funeral home. Lovely flowers, though.

I wish we could drive bumper-cars to work.

Scarab Sages

Pathfinder Battles Case Subscriber; Pathfinder Maps, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Superscriber

Granted, but you don't pass the height requirement.

I wish I was home in bed.

The Concordance

Granted, but you are now unable to leave it, and will starve.

I wish more flavors of ice cream came in pint-sized containers rather than the super large-sizes.

Sovereign Court

No problem!

You can now order a full pint of ice cream on tap, at your local pub. It just won't be cold though.

I wish to receive dangerous and painful dental surgery!

Dark Archive

Pathfinder Adventure Path, Lost Omens Subscriber

Granted! The laughing gas they gave you during the procedure made you so relaxed that you didn't notice the tusks they replaced your teeth with until you were walking out.

I wish for the ability to teleport anywhere I want.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

Taking the drunken dare, you find yourself in the only place where your power can't save you - Doctor Entropy's Want-Removing Torture Chamber Featuring Ugly Succubi Desire Killers. You'll never be the same.

I wish for world peace.


The human race was destroyed and peace finally came.

I want one piece of cheesecake.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

The cheese for this last cake in existence comes from fiendish calves, kept in shrunken pens, milked by annis hags who impart their own special additions to it, the ingredients unknown to most, unimaginable by others and undoubtedly infernally corrupted in their own right. Enjoy!

I wish for knowing why the existence of God is unprovable.

Silver Crusade

Pathfinder Lost Omens, Rulebook Subscriber

Granted. It's unprovable because its a major spoiler for the final epoch.

I wish for a candy bar.


It is delicious, but collapses under it's own weight, killing all inside.

I wish something delightfully unpleasant would happen.

Sovereign Court

Granted! You are no longer the being of great depravity that you once were.

It's an unpleasant experience for you, which delights the rest of us!

Now, I wish for the most dangerous robot in existence and that it's loyal only to me!

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Adventure, Rulebook, Starfinder Adventure Path, Starfinder Roleplaying Game, Starfinder Society Subscriber

It's actually only loyal to the English language, and particularly to apostrophes. It has come from the future to strike your post down, and thus correct the future course of this thread.

I wish for a dessert so good, the pleasure center of my brain will go on overload.

Sovereign Court

*Uses a teleportation device on Sliska Zafir.*

Behold! A desert so good, your brain is overloaded (or is that just the heat?).

I wish to dream of genie!

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