Bro-hugs and my absolute best wishes for the rage and frustration to calm quickly Cal. You're a rock for a lot of us buddy; if there's anything we can do in return just name it.
I appreciate it, Mark! I learned a few minutes ago that the guy who invented the cashew chicken we love in Chinese restaurants lived in Springfield, MO, and died today. He was 99. So to honor his memory, I drove to my favorite takeout place (which is thankfully very close to my house) and picked up some. My panic attack was starting to ramp up again pretty badly by the time I got back home but now I've got cashews, chicken, egg rolls, and too much soy sauce to be healthy for anyone. I think the world will be safe for one more night!
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I love that!
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Thanks! My wife had some scrap 1/8 in. plywood and I had some time on my hands... and I’m sure that strange yellow graffiti I keep dreaming about had nothing to do with it...
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Woot! I made a 'Best Of' list!
Monkey Santa is going to be hella jealous...
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Woot! I made a 'Best Of' list!
Monkey Santa is going to be hella jealous...
Kirkus Reviews, eh? That's pretty awesome.
Yeah, I’m uberstoked.
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That's really great!!!!
Oh, it's on...
I'd keep an eye on that simian.
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Too late! He's already signed with a big agency, sold the book, sold the movie rights, dated Taylor Swift, broke up with Taylor Swift, had Taylor Swift write a concept album about him, and squandered his fortune on an enormous mansion and enough Red Bull to necessitate a visit from paramedics and a 28-day stint in a Malibu rehab facility, from which he escaped on days 3, 4, 6, and for good on day 12. Monkey Santa moves fast.
A little bit like the Warren Zevon song...
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Too late! He's already signed with a big agency, sold the book, sold the movie rights, dated Taylor Swift, broke up with Taylor Swift, had Taylor Swift write a concept album about him, and squandered his fortune on an enormous mansion and enough Red Bull to necessitate a visit from paramedics and a 28-day stint in a Malibu rehab facility, from which he escaped on days 3, 4, 6, and for good on day 12. Monkey Santa moves fast.
A little bit like the Warren Zevon song...
I am now imagining a buddy road trip movie like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas except with Monkey Santa and Bojack Horseman (in his prime) as the protagonists.
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Too late! He's already signed with a big agency, sold the book, sold the movie rights, dated Taylor Swift, broke up with Taylor Swift, had Taylor Swift write a concept album about him, and squandered his fortune on an enormous mansion and enough Red Bull to necessitate a visit from paramedics and a 28-day stint in a Malibu rehab facility, from which he escaped on days 3, 4, 6, and for good on day 12. Monkey Santa moves fast.
A little bit like the Warren Zevon song...
Warren Zevon was a ***DAMNED VISIONARY.
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Fantasy Monster: Savoir-Fiend Devil.
Heh, I think I went to college with this guy.
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I'm just gonna sit here and collect all the devilish themed monsters and NPCs from Drejk for my Shackled Council of the Crimson Throne game.
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I will have bought a new (well, somewhat used) computer around Tuesday from a friend.
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Future perfect feels clunk-ish.
By Tuesday, I will have a new computer that I'm buying from a friend.
I am buying a new computer from a friend and it will be delivered Tuesday.
On Tuesday, a new computer that I just bought from a friend will be delivered.
I just bought a new computer from a friend and they are bringing it over on Tuesday.
Hmm.
I think I'd say, "I just bought a friend's old computer and he's bringing it over on Tuesday"
Past tense for the buying part and future tense for the delivery part. Two independent clauses, active voice.
Spoilsport.
HRRRRGHHH!
*slices and dices*
Spoilsport.
Oh, didn't mean to spoil your performance.
It's an amazing display of your facility with the English language. I'm beyond impressed.
But it's a *grammar puzzle*. I'm always captivated by grammar puzzles. And this one has so many pieces: active voice, passive voice. Past tense, future tense, future perfect. And it's trying to capture an idea that is moving through time even as we examine it.
It's a very peculiar communication problem and it's fun to use a scalpel to delicately tease it apart.
By Tuesday, I will have a new computer that I'm buying from a friend.
I am buying a new computer from a friend and it will be delivered Tuesday.
On Tuesday, a new computer that I just bought from a friend will be delivered.
I just bought a new computer from a friend and they are bringing it over on Tuesday.Hmm.
I think I'd say, "I just bought a friend's old computer and he's bringing it over on Tuesday"Past tense for the buying part and future tense for the delivery part. Two independent clauses, active voice.
I would do #4 but with a relative clause. That seems like the clearest and most compact way of conveying all the information.
"I just bought a new computer from a friend, who's bringing it over on Tuesday."
I honestly don't remember any of this stuff from high school or college English classes. Nothing mentioned in the above posts make any sense at all to me now. I just hope I'm being coherent when I write things. I guess it's like driving a Formula One racer without knowing how to drive and just getting lucky all the time.
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I guess it's like driving a Formula One racer without knowing how to drive and just getting lucky all the time.
Wait, that's an option?!
WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
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What the--?
Where's my car?
NOOOOO!!!!!
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I guess it's like driving a Formula One racer without knowing how to drive and just getting lucky all the time.Wait, that's an option?!
WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
STOP! You violated the law!
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STOP! You violated the law!I guess it's like driving a Formula One racer without knowing how to drive and just getting lucky all the time.Wait, that's an option?!
WOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
That might not be all that Monkey Santa is or is going to be violating...
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He's a Highway Staaaaarrrr!
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Monkey Miscreant.
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Oh, it's on...
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Oh, it's on...
{slaps pipe in hand, glares menacingly at non-monkeys and non-Monkees}
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Oh, it's on...{slaps pipe in hand, glares menacingly at non-monkeys and non-Monkees}
The Trunk Monkey might be my all-time favorite series of commercials. It's up there with the old commercials for Outpost.com.
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Oh, it's on...{slaps pipe in hand, glares menacingly at non-monkeys and non-Monkees}
{sinister synth pads; occasional chromatic tweezles and stabs}
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Sorry, what's everyone up to? Been on my summer fishing trip.
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I hear certain families of catfish can eat primates.
Let's watch.
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WHAT WAS THAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE AC GETTING CRANKED TO 50 DEGREES!
The A/C in my little car is just pretty inadequate for Arkansas summer. Not long after I was gifted with it I noticed it was often quite warm and even downright uncomfortable, even with the A/C full blast, which, let's face it, if it's not cranked to the maximum what's the use in having one, anyway? I took it to an shop and it was a tad low on freon, so they replaced what was missing and found nothing else wrong. It didn't really make a difference. So I have just resigned myself that I'll be ridin' cranky until Autumn.
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Ugh. That is unpleasant. My ancient Camry had a similar problem--and I'd have to turn off the AC when merging onto the freeway, otherwise it didn't have enough juice to get up to speed in time.
Then there was my first car. I preface this by saying I was ignorant of all things automotive.
So I'm driving it around Los Angeles all summer long. Sweating from every pore, no matter how high I cranked the AC. The air that blew out was cold, but damned if I wasn't sweltering in that car.
Until the day my girlfriend got in and asked: "Why is your seat warmer on full?"
"I have a seat warmer?!"
*face palm*
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Just give me a nod in the album credits...LOL
I have to turn off mine if I want to accelerate quickly, too. I just say in my best Sir Patrick Stewart voice to "Divert all power to impulse engines!" then hit the button. I may or may not be a complete nerd.
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HA!
I used to yell "PUNCH IT!" and then when it womp-womped, I'd say: "They told me they fixed it!"
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Hey all! I'm doing a Goodreads give away for my book. So if you haven't got a copy, if you only have a digital copy and want a physical one, or if you HAVE got a physical copy but want another free one to throw at small holiday-themed simian intruders, now is the time.
Also, feel free to share this information with anyone.
EDIT: Also, for some reason Goodreads is only allowing me to do US and Canada. However, if you're located internationally,and want to enter, if you're selected by their randomizer, I'll figure out a way to get you the book. Probably via holiday-themed simian intruder...
Kind of a slow week around my place, unless you count my son not speaking to me because he owes me money and I'm trying to collect it from him. So there's that. What's happening where you are?
It's not something I'm really used to. I've always been pretty happy that my family is low drama. But suddenly that's all changed and I honestly don't know where this attitude is coming from. It's not like he's a surly teenager. He's 26, for Pete's sake.
sigh...a drink on the deck sounds great right now.
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It's been a long, hot week here. Tropical Storm Isaias didn't do too much in my immediate vicinity. It woke me up at about 2:00 when the winds peaked. Loud, loud winds. But surprisingly, few trees came down and we didn't lose power. To the east it was worse. (Hard to believe that was *this* week!)
The exciting news is the dog and I have been interviewing a candidate for the position of co-dog! We're in the final phases, making an offer tonight. She's a year and a half Aussie (exactly like what I have, except a smidge smaller and blue merle instead of brown). She's deaf, which presents some challenges. But one of our old girls went deaf years before she passed. It just takes getting used to and (I'm not great at this) remembering not to bother to call for her if she can't see me...
Oh, and I may have jury duty in federal court sometime between next Monday and the 21st. I get to call them every evening to find out what my future holds.
I hope I get to yell: "NO! You're of order! The whole SYSTEM is out of order!"
Burly bailiffs everywhere, take heed.
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Oh, the other funny thing that happened this week...
So my sister-in-law's kid turned 5. They decided to have a Zoom party. (This isn't the funny part. The only thing less compelling than a 5-year-old's birthday party is a 5-year-old's birthday party being streamed on video.)
My brother-in-law brings out the cake. It's shaped like Batman. Everyone across the cyberverse oos and aahs.
I press Mute. I turn to my wife and say: "I thought Batman cakes were only for orphans."
It took her a moment, but gratifyingly, she was off mute when the joke landed and she busted up laughing.