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Been having this idea of monsters getting into a civilized material plane environment and taking up professions that allow them to coexist with the civilization, which would be unusual for them, but still thematically related. I couldn't find a thread on this, so I'm starting this one. Here are my two initial ideas to get things going:
Kyton acupuncturist
Erodaemon proprietor of the Heartbreak Hotel
Have at it, folks!
Oh, and by the way, terrible puns are welcome.
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^Nice -- although not economical (usually the junk yard wants to sell scrap metal), in fact
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Bullette Miners using natural abilities to outperform rival companies.
Blink Dog Travel Agents able to provide real-time info from anywhere you want to go.
Pugwampi Casino Workers making a killing.
Goblin Pet Shop Owner won't sell dogs, but will sell goblin dogs, lucky toads, horsemeat, and pigs.
Grippli Bounty Hunter
Kobold Accountant trying to get her dragon hoarde
Gelatinous Cube Janitor
...wait, scratch that last one, Gelatinous Cube President.
......wait, why Gelatinous Cube Janitor who is also President?
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Mite exterminator.
Otyugh streetsweeper.
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Rust Monster airport security.
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Vampire Fashion Store Owner.
Dopplganger Mime.
Edit: Earth Elemental miners.
Hellhound P.I. to go with the Invisible Stalker.
Half-Dragon Basilisk Prison Warden.
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Umber Hulk door-to-door salesman.
Because who wouldn't want to see an umber Hulk in a suit and tie with a little hat and suitcase?
On a more "realistic" note, umber hulk coal miner.
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AWAKENED DODO BIG GAME HUNTER
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Gallows Tree Executioner. Easy killing of condemned criminals, no mortal guilt from having to pull the lever and easy corpse removal. Zombies can be it's attendants, read the condemned their last rights, ect.
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Aboleth swim team coach.
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Rakshasa jeweler. They love their gaudy jewelry after all.
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Cthulhu President
Yithian Psychologist/Psychiatrist
Migo Surgeon
Flying Polyp Meteorogist
Colour out of Space modern artist
Doppleganger Bartender operating out of a Mimic
Elemental minesweeper (water or earth)
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Cthulhu President
Compromise.
Gelatinous Cube Janitor running against Cthulhu.
But the cubes winning.
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{. . .}
Colour out of Space modern artist
{. . .}
That explains a LOT about modern art . . . .
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Bullette Miners using natural abilities to outperform rival companies.
Blink Dog Travel Agents able to provide real-time info from anywhere you want to go.
Pugwampi Casino Workers making a killing.
Goblin Pet Shop Owner won't sell dogs, but will sell goblin dogs, lucky toads, horsemeat, and pigs.
Grippli Bounty Hunter
Kobold Accountant trying to get her dragon hoarde
Gelatinous Cube Janitor
...wait, scratch that last one, Gelatinous Cube President.
......wait, why Gelatinous Cube Janitor who is also President?
Wouldn't that be gelatinous cube janitor who also ate the president?
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What
are you telling me that's not a viable way to become president
stop oppressing our culture you ethnocentric—
I forgot that the glass ceiling can't be dissolved by acid apparently.
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Goblin pyrotechnician. You gotta enjoy your job ...
Ghost ghostbuster! 'We're ready to magic jar YOU!'
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Awakened hawk ninja
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Awakened hawk ninja
Anthropomorphic awakened turtle ninja
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Description description noun animal of any kind would fit here Darigaaz.
He's making a reference.
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Succubus Soccer Mom.
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Efreet smith or an azer smith
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The octopoid bartender, able to serve multiple drinks at once. Was a real thing in a game I still miss after all these years.
The vampire fashionista is brilliant, he never interferes with your view in the mirror.
The reply to the TMNT reference was a bit over obscure if I caught it right, Kahel. Funny yes, to all 5 of us in the continental US who might still remember them.
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For those who haven't realized it (it was an obscure reference)... I was making a Macho Women With Guns reference. One of the enemies in that hilariously irrelevant system is "The three adjectives and an animal". Such as the Beautiful Bouncing Bombastic Blowfish, Tiny Trippin tourist Terrapin, or other such nonsense. Or yes, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Which the game makes fun of via that enemy type.
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Minotaur parking valets. They can ALWAYS find your car, no matter how complex the garage.
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Medusa hairdresser. If she can get her snakes to cooperate every morning, she should have no problem with whatever you're dealing with.
Kobold exterminator. The rat trap game is strong.
Vampire doctor. Run a free clinic, discreetly feed off of blood samples. Consider it the "humane" way to feed. Heck, I actually played this in a WoD game and it was great.
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SOILED-N-GREEN IS NOT PEOPLE! SOILED-N-GREEN IS NOT PEOPLE!
Troll: "Ugh. Look, guys, we just want to do our jobs like everyone else."
SOILED-N-GREEN IS NOT PEOPLE!
Troll: "Please stop protesting outside the HQ, okay? We shouldn't have to deal with this kind of bigotry."
STOP STEALING HUMAN JOBS!
Troll: *Closes window*
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Great big no-prize for anyone who got my latest reference. Granted, it's not quite as obscure. But I doubt any teenagers would get it.*teenager who gets it*
Then you are unusual. The movie isn't really part of the current generation's culture. It was for mine, but it's starting to become obscure.
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Amusingly, I get the reference despite never having seen the movie.
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I've never seen it either, but enough cartoons and scifi specials lampooned it that I know about it.
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I hate to say it, but I'm pretty sure the quote is more a part of the culture now than the movie has ever been. :P
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it's not a great movie. But it is a good movie. Probably too slow paced for kids today though. And just knowing the quote, well the quote alone doesn't hold the sheer horror it does when it's uttered in the movie. Without the background knowledge from the movie, it just lacks the impact.
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Awakened Sloth DMV worker
Awakened Fox Con Artist
Goblin Dan's BBQ
Minotaur Tar Tar sauce producer (careful though, he's allergic to his product)
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it's not a great movie. But it is a good movie. Probably too slow paced for kids today though. And just knowing the quote, well the quote alone doesn't hold the sheer horror it does when it's uttered in the movie. Without the background knowledge from the movie, it just lacks the impact.
Sad to say, I feel the line within the movie's context will lose its impact to the macro-culture precisely because it's so well-known. It is, in many ways, the ultimate spoiler.
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Otyugh garbage disposal. Oh wait, Paizo already ran with that one!
Dragon (non chaotic) working for the bank of Abadar, guarding the treasure horde of hundreds of bank clients, noble families, other churches, trading houses, moneylenders and mercantile consortiums, etc. Intellectually, he knows that all the treasure he sits on isn't *his*, particularly since clerics come in and make withdrawals and deposits all the time, but he is happy just getting to sit on a pile of gold ten times larger than anything he could have amassed on his own. He also knows that any dragon hunter who comes after him and 'his' gold has to storm a fortified bank, and fight their way through dozens of mid to high level clerics of Abadar!
Doppleganger advisor / herald to the ruler, reminds him of everyone's names (and reads the minds of everyone coming before the throne).
Hm. Less humorous, and more terrifying, I created a micro setting where bugbear shade-ghosts ran a city with exquisite protection and wise governance. They were chaotic evil, but the perks and limitless fear to feast off of the current "ruling" body chosen as the "servants" of the bugbears meant free fear to feast from and people they could arbitrarily kill - all for the greater good of the citizens.
But, uh, that's kind of a mood-killer, sooooooo...
Awakened giant ants: they do construction, haul heavy things, and have max ranks knowledge (engineering)? Sorry. Not very punny...