Order 66


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Scarab Sages

*points straight up* LOOK OUT! It's the Red Baron!

*Grandpa Wonderbra looks up so quickly and directly that his neck snaps*

Dark Archive

I bite Hiding, turning him into a werewolf, then chop off his head with a +3 mithril shapechanger bane vorpal katana


I zoom down from between the clouds, backed by the setting sun, in a red-painted triplane, goggles against the wind, neckerchief whipping in the wind behind me, and blast Zelda Marie Lupescu into bloody gobbets with my machine gun, before adding another stamp on the side of my cockpit, making a loop and flying back the way I came.

Scarab Sages

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I reach out from Sissyl's glove compartment and switch the dice governing Sissyl's piloting rolls with the dice my GM used in our TORG game that caused two enemy planes that had been chasing our Storm Knights to crash into each other in mid-air, and hang them from her rear-view mirror.

"Those magnificent men in their dying machines, bumbumbumbumbumbumbum-dutdutdutdutdutdutdut...."


I start burning the closet on SIssyl's place down with the Death Lazer™.


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

I slay every last one of Goddity's worshippers and wipe out all records of his existence. Without followers Goddity simply fades away into nothingness.


I Resurrect the chicken that Uncle Teddy killed to obtain the wings on his helmet inside the headgear he's wearing, give it an adamantine beak and make it peck his brains out.

Scarab Sages

I Panini-press Pulg's head.


I hypnotize IHIYC to swallow a pocket watch.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

I scare Sissyl to death by haunting her with the sound of the ticking pocket watch following her...always following her...


Uncle Teddy wrote:
I slay every last one of Goddity's worshippers and wipe out all records of his existence. Without followers Goddity simply fades away into nothingness.

Are you completely insane? I have no followers, and my thing as a unique god is that I do not exist, until you can prove 1=0 without going insane.

I steal the pocket watch and leave it for repairs and then burn down the store.


Pathfinder Adventure Path Subscriber

As Goddity surveys the fire, basking in his triumph, the flames make their way through a conduit to the underground tank of alchemist's fire...directly beneath his feet.


Was that mithrel alchemists fire? I do have DR you know. No? Then I am alive and free to torture you. With the most terrifying thing you can do to a pocket watch. I give you to James Bond, after putting explosives into you. Because James has to use every single gadget during a mission, you will eventually die.


*detonates a huge quantity of mithral alchemist's fire over Goddity, all of it enspelled with dimensional lock*

*waits until the screaming dies down, then after a while only the mask remains, and she takes a single step on the mask, thereby disjunctioning it and turning it to subatomic particles*

Seems 1 != 0 after all.


MATT DAMON!!!

*kicks Sissyl's foot*

Scarab Sages

I jam Matt Damon Puppet's head into a pencil sharpener.


*gets sharpened*

From the remains of the puppet, a large, colourful black worm-like being with dots in various happy colours and a clown face with a wonky nose approaches IHIYC.

It opens its mouth revealing tons of sharp teeth.

It bites the head off the clown.

Dark Archive

tye up I'm hiding In your closet in a closet with no wator but food when is a dryed up husk show online with before and after pitures with the words he was a closet case.

Scarab Sages

As both lord of rabbits and the genuinely creepy worm-thing are ganging up on me, I cleverly etherealize out of the way at just the right moment, causing them to kill each other instead!


I cleverly reveal that I never had DR mythril, but my real DR is listed in my profile and none of you checked. Then I cleverly de etherealize IHIYC and he can be slaughtered as well. Then I toss Sissyl to you guys for wrecking my favourite mask.


*shoots Goddity with a hideously overpumped Quantum Physics gun*

Scarab Sages

Heya, folks! We've secretly taken Sissyl's regular morning cup of coffee, and replaced it with A Bucket of Boiling Tar(TM)! Let's see if she notices..!

...

...Nope, doesn't look like she did.

At least not in time.


Hi folks! In this episode of killing killers, we are dumping a bunch of Sharks and Snakes™ on IHIYC while he celebrates.


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

Like the mythical phoenix I rise from the ashes. As I do so my flames reduce Goddity to nothing but ash, which I then scatter in the wind.


Seriously, clown... do you know WHY I didn't notice you switched my morning coffee cup with bubbling tar? Because that is what I always drink! I hadn't gotten to the broken glass sandwich yet.

Oooookay, rising from ashes? Sounds like...

*trips Uncle Teddy into a vat of concrete that then hardens, leaving him a sculpture of the world's pain and unfairness and moderately bad stock market tidings, which is the deposited in central London*

... should solve the issue.


Good afternoon, children! Today's guest on Live Underwater Electrified Steamroller Wrestling is Sissyl, from Sweden! Yaaaaaayy!!


Today Sissyl, the three time world champion, is up against Pulg in todays match of

Live Underwater Electrified Steamroller Wrestling™!

Pulg is our usual narrator, but he will be too busy dying to bother narrating after we start so I am taking over.


Shhh... it's will be over soon. Just lie down and let the poison work. Also hold this chunk of Tarrasque flesh.

Dark Archive

rise from the dead with a army of zombie rabbits nibble the Ninja D to death or carets witch ever we see first.


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

I use my spear and magic helmet. No more rabbit problem.


I use dispel magic on your gear and watch you try to fight the inventible bunny apocalypse.

Dark Archive

I am revived by the abbis to serve them for all of there rabbits based need but first to kill that teddy.


Bunny taste good when roasted, Poog skewer bunny and roast over bonfire. Mmmmmm


Recipe:
1 "THE" Poog of Zarongel
2 cups of oil
1 lb af mixed vegetables
spices

Take the Poog and slice off the head, take out the innards and remove the skin and bones. Cut into small chunks.

Heat oil in large skilled. Fry Poog meat until brown. Add vegetables. Fry while stirring for 20 minutes.

Add spices to taste. Add lots of spices to taste.

Enjoy.

Scarab Sages

1 person marked this as a favorite.

1. Extract lady from Sissyl using nutcracker and winch.
2. Toss Sissyl in pot of boiling water, boil until she turns bright red.
3. Serve Sissyl with lemon and melted butter.
4. Gain Paladin level for rescuing damsel in distress and cooking her dinner.


First, catch your jester.

Purge in castor oil for three days until free from chuckles

Remove baggy trousers and hilarious nose from a safe distance with fire tongs

Marinade in Nutella, soy sauce, Napoleon Brandy, Napoleon Dynamite and Febreze

Belabour until tender

Feed to an otyugh

Give the otyugh to GoatToucher.


*runs and hides, grabbing Pulg and Pulg's offering as snacks for the road*


Bleached Otyugh, meet my baby brother, the Grim Reaper.

Scarab Sages

I trick Grandpa Wonderbra into drinking the Waters of Youth; he becomes young again, and consequently dies of an overwhelming identity crisis.


I however, trick IHIYC into drinking from the wrong grail, causing him to rapidly wither and die.

Scarab Sages

I simultaneously trick The Fiend Fantastic into drinking from the correct Grail. Him being a devil, that goes over...poorly.


I tell IHIYC he should sacrifice himself for the greater good - and he does! AHAHAHAHAHA!!! HE FELL FOR IT!!

Scarab Sages

That's because I've cleverly extracted my soul and hidden it someplace safe: within the eye of a needle, within an egg, within a duck, within a hare...within Pulg. Sure, I sacrifice myself, but then it's Pulg who suffers "my" gruesome death.


I reveal to IHIYC the true horrors of old age. His mind cannot take it and he simply shuts down.


I reveal to Gramps the secrets of what lies in a black hole and outside the universe. Your mortal minds are so frail.


Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

I feed Goddity food, lots and lots of food. I mean lots and lots of food to the point where they swell to the point of bursting. Finally, I present one thin mint. Goddity, unable to resist, eats the thin mint and explodes.


I EATS LEFTOVERS OF GODDITY AND UNCLE TEDDY WHO DIED IN EXPLOSION. GLOFFY GLOFFY!


I tell Bleached Otyugh a long, rambling story about when I was young, involving walking uphill both ways to the grocery store to buy a new hat in the snow during a volcanic eruption, fighting dinosaurs all the way, among other such nonsense.

The story is so beyond confusing that Bleached Otyugh eats its own brain to escape.


I unveil an uncensored version of the Fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies to Grandpa Wonderbra, causing his dicky tickére to burst into a thousand tiny pieces.

Scarab Sages

I present Pulg with a really fancy and expensive suit. I don't mention the internal iron maiden lining.

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