Give me cool things for my paladin to say!

[Doomed Hero]

"LEEEEEEEEEROY....."

[Charrend]

"Brace yourself, villain. You face a Knight of Righteousness. I am the hand of <your deity>, the vengeance of the innocent, the defender of the weak! I am the Blade that Cleaves Darkness! Let show you why your kind fear the Light!" Proceed to ass kicking.

[phantom1592]

I've had a couple fun ones in kingmaker... I think my favorite after finally confronting the BBEG who sent 3 failed assassination attempts.

"Ok. You wanted my attention, you got it."

[Snorri Nosebiter]

go lie down there and bleed. I'll be with you in a second.

Quick! hide my blade! the guards are comming!

followed by:

awww... the pommel doesn't fit...

[Wrong John Silver]

If you didn't want to meet me, you shouldn't have sinned.

[Type2Demon]

"All right evildoers! Knock off all that evil!"

"Did you think you could hide your villainy from ME?"

"There can be no darkness within the light!"

"My god has a strict policy against evil...I AM THAT POLICY!"

[Ulfen Death Squad]

My GOD sends me upon those who require judgement

You request mercy ?!? Maybe your god in he'll may show you some for I will not.

Pride goes before the fall... of your dead body

Evil is what evil does. And I kill that which is evil.

Which of these weapons would you like to go with the channel smite you will be receiving today? :D

[Malachi Silverclaw]

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

(limited use, I admit)

I want my father back, you son of a b###&!

[Arctic Sphinx]

kyrt-ryder wrote:

Repent mother- f!&&er!

(Bonus points if you know where the phrase comes from)

It's from Panty & Stocking with Garter Belt, right?

One liner: God's lessons...ARE SO BEAUTIFUL!!!

[kyrt-ryder]

Well done Sphinx.

If I ever manage to fall into a Pathfinder campaign with Advanced Firearms I would so love to try my hand at a Paladin/Gunslinger:Mysterious Stranger (or Gestault, if I could possibly get so lucky >_<) of Calistra inspired by Panty.

[Kryzbyn]

SPOOOOON!

[Lord Foul II]

"You see, this is why I hate plans, plans are for villains, to be mucked up."

"The uncontrollable brute whom I want to put out of the way is not to be punished for his misdeeds, nor used as an example or a warning; he is to be killed for the protection of others..."

"We all go home, or nobody goes home!"

I am a sexy shoeless god of war

I'll just leave this here

[DM Under The Bridge]

I will slay thee, and then check my paladin code and alignment threads to make sure I didn't do anything wrong.

Also...

Now it is you who will fall!

[DM Under The Bridge]

phantom1592 wrote:

I've had a couple fun ones in kingmaker... I think my favorite after finally confronting the BBEG who sent 3 failed assassination attempts.

"Ok. You wanted my attention, you got it."

Rumours of my demise have been greatly exaggerated.

[Sissyl]

Halcamora: A single rotten grape will spoil the wine. You will spoil no more.

Irez: Your end is written.

Kelinahat: Your crimes are known. They end here.

Lymnieris: You threw your life away. I will merely end it.

Lythertida: It is your time to die now.

Soralyon: The stars know of your death today.

[Jaelithe]

"My spelled blade ... your spilled blood."

"You will find it difficult to change your heart without your head."

"I shall split your skull that it may match your forked tongue."

[DM_aka_Dudemeister]

The Voice of Adam West
"You sick... Twisted... Fiend!"
/The Voice of Adam West

Otherwise Minsc can work:

"BUTT KICKING! FOR JUSTICE!"

"Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, watch it! I'm huge."

"Then say it louder! We must inspire fear in evil! Quiet tales of hamsters are foolish, but a man and his hamster that tear evil limb from limb? That's scary!"

[Kryzbyn]

Squeaky wheel gets the kick! (just before he beat the Noober to death with his bare hands)

[Helikon]

Depending on the deity..
Iomedea is the the goodess of Justice, I am her humble servent.
By Saranraes cleaning lie, be cleansed.
(Shelyn) You shall not destroy art. I will make your death my masterpeice.
Abador. You think you should hide from the law? I will give you justice.
Torag You.Will.Die.And.If.It.is.the.LAST.I.DO.
Erastil. I am the Shepard of my flock. No one shall hurt it.

[idilippy]

"Your time has come! Face judgment almighty!" Has a good ring to it.

[FuelDrop]

"Surrender and you won't be harmed."
"You really think YOU will be the one to take me down? Good luck with that."
"Violence is the resort of the violent. That's why they hired me."

[Malachi Silverclaw]

I despise violence. But I am really, really good at it.

[Wrong John Silver]

Rejoice! The eve of your suffering is at hand!

[Jiggy]

David M Mallon wrote:

Ellis Mirari wrote:

THE SPATULA OF JUSTICE WILL SCRAMBLE THE EGGS OF YOUR MALFEASANCE

The creamer of light will dull the bitterness of your evil unholy coffee taste!

I will spread the butter of justice across the toast of your iniquity!

[Malachi Silverclaw]

I invite you to surrender....but I hope you don't.

[phantom1592]

After being told to pray to his god for aid.

"You still don't get it... Paladin's don't get aid from their god... OTHERS pray for aid, and Paladins are sent.

"I AM Divine Intervention!'

[Mystic_Snowfang]

*grumpy sigh*
I'm getting too old for this

[Doomed Hero]

This one actually happened last night in our Wrath of the Righteous game-

Galabrezu disguised as a human wizard. Catches the whole party with Reverse Gravity. We're all paladins on horseback. We are basically stuck floating about 20 feet off the ground, surprised, and the "wizard" starts talking.

"Wizard": "Oh, it is my lucky day…"

Me (using Detect evil): "You have never in your life been more wrong. Have you met Kreig?"

Krieg (our heavy hitter) spends a Mythic for an extra standard action, downs a potion of Fly, then comes out of the air like the literal wrath of an angry god. Mythic Vital Strike, a critical hit and the Foebiter ability add up to one seriously dead Galabrezu.

Kreig: "Nice to meet you."

[Ulfen Death Squad]

This wanted poster offers a reward for the return of your head. The rest is up to you.

[captain yesterday]

Hey, you f@%#face a!&#~++ piece of s%*~! or is that too in your face for a paladin;)

[Lloyd Jackson]

Swords, not words!

Full plate, and packing steel!

Let's see what yer guts be lookin' like!

[DM Under The Bridge]

Korgan was not a paladin Lloyd!

[voodoo chili]

Malachi Silverclaw wrote:

'Repent, mother- f@&!er' comes from Ezekiel 25:17???

Wait, it doesn't?! Coulda sworn...

How about singing:

"Have gun will travel reads the card of a man
A knight without armor in a savage land
His fast gun for hire heeds the calling wind
A soldier of fortune is a man called Paladin
Paladin Paladin where do you roam Paladin Paladin far far from home..."

[Ed Girallon Poe]

toxicpie wrote:

In my GM's game, Draconic is pretty much dead though it was once used as a powerful tongue for spellcasting.

However, I talked to my GM and said it would be cool for my character to say some phrases in Draconic in the midst of battle, to inspire himself and the party with the might of wyrmkind. So yeah, I'm inventing a language with a weird grammar system and a vocabulary partially based off Gaelic, so please give me phrases to roar!
So far I've translated "Death before dishonour" and "Honour in all things".

114 Witty Paladin Sayings

1. And now, judgement!
2. The day your sins rise against you is at hand!
3. EVERY day is judgement day!
4. (to the tune of the Ride of the Valkyrie)
fight for justice, Kill For Truth, SLAY ALL EVIL, ta t-t-taaaa
5. The cherry blossom falls upon the soil; the sword falls upon the foe.
6. Come out and fight foul spawn of the underworld.
7. I challenge you in the name of Tyr, God of Justice!
8. Die creature of darkness!
9. I am ___, champion of justice! In the name of ___ I
will right wrongs and triumph over evil; and that means you!
10. Die, head-in-the-clouds!"
11. Come eat cold steel, things of the underworld!
12. Throw down your swords and prepare to be judged!
13. Drain this, fang-boy!
14. You! Yes, you! The boney thing! Die!
15. Yo, she-b+#!@! (Unsheaths sword) Let's go!
16. Nighty-night, zombies!
17. Hey, ugly, green, and terminally unwashed! Come here
and fight like a man!
18. SPOON! - Not in the face! Not in the face!
19. Ad majorem dei gloriam. - For the greater glory of god
20. Go bleech your roots, creep!
21. Allright boys, let's dance!
22. It's a great day to be a Paladin.
23. Get some!
24. Punish or be punished.
25. Squeal like a pig!
26. Start prayin' boy, and you better pray real good.
27. Hey, foul villains! Knock off all that evil!!
28. The first step in making friends is *not to eat people*.
29. Evildoers! Eat my Justice!
30. Let's hang ten for Justice!
31. Avaunt foul feindish thingy!!!
32. Un-tentacle that fair ingenou!
33. Eat my shorts, dark spawn of fat women!!!
34. I`ll slay the evil fiend, and smile, because I smile a lot and have a lot of teeth.
35. You had better watch your manners demon or I`ll give one hell of a wedgie!!!!
36. Your shoes are untied!
37. Evil doers beware!
38. I've come to demand the surrender of Hell!
39. There can't be more than 50 of them, I won't be hurt!
40. To have the courage for fighting means to have the courage for victory!"
41. Within our quest we are invincible.
42. Prepare to meet thy highest judge.
43. Thy soul be blessed and thy sins forgiven.
44. You ____ ! -infidel
-heretic
-mongrel
-cur
-cad
-villain
-slime
45. I'M GOING TO CUT YOUR HEART OUT WITH A
SPOON!!!!
46. I'm going to cut your heart out with a kender!
47. WHAT.... is the capitol of Assyria?
48. WHAT.... is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
49. Prepare to feel the Wrath of all that is good, Hell Spawn!
50. Evil always turns in on itself - Justice shall prevail!
51. For God and country!
52. All that is good and holy, aid me now as I confront this vile evil!
53. Prepare to atone for your sins!
54. Renounce your foul deeds now and I shall spare you.
55. I claim this land for all that is good, leave now and I shall not destroy you.
56. Repent now or spend your after life in eternal damnation.
57. With Justice <insert favorite deity> judges and makes war upon the foul and unrighteous!
58. <insert favorite deity> has deemed you unworthy - I am
his/her sword hand, prepare to meet damnation.
59. When Evil walks abroad, I must confront it.
60. May my sword do my God's will!
61. Prepare to make your maker!
62. I am prepared to meet my maker, are you?
63. With my dying breath I shall continue to remove the tarnish of your shadow from this world!
64. Summon your faith! It shall make us strong in the face of this obscene evil!
65. The courage of one can change the destiny of many.
66. Prepare to feel the iron gauntlet of Tyr the Evenhanded!
67. Surrender, cowardly followers of evil!
68. I'm gonna KICK your sorry ass!
69. SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAMMITY SPAM,
SPAMMITY SPAM!
70. DOOM!
71. I am Ergol the magnificent: small in stature, large
in power, narrow of purpose, and wide of vision. I
have the power to make your piss turn blue!"
while unsheathing sword: Let me introduce you to a
friend of mine...
72. (with a look of boredom and frustration) More <enemy type>!! Gods, and I just finished cleaning up from the last bunch!!"
73. Can you, like, surrender NOW or something?
74. Uhhhh...I'm like, gonna kick your ass. Uh huh huh, huh huh.
75. while charging: YAAAaaaaawwwwnnnn...mhhm...mhhm...mm.
76. DDIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!
77. DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!DIE!
78. Don't MAKE me come over there after you!
79. Surrender now or face me!..no, no... Give up now and I mean it!...no....You still have a chance to surr(finishes his charge and attacks), oh, never mind.
80. (If fighting some beautiful enemy)Back foul temptress! Even though thine image dost set my loins afire, I shall not be deterred from my task!
81. while attacking: "OUCH! Now that's GOTTA hurt!"
82. So, come here often?"
83. OH YEAH, want some more, do ya'. Come and get it, and get it.YEAH! Hey, I got some for you too! Here ya' go. Feels good, don't it!?!
84. Just a flesh wound.
85. I see that your schwartz is as BIG as mine! Now, let's see how well you handle it!
86. Fight, fight, fight. That's all I do around here. Day-in, day-out.
87. Bash this, slice that, castrate whatever. How come I don't get to do any of the fun stuff?"
88. after battle: "That's it?"
89. Has anyone seen my sword?(amidst piles of bodies)
90. Whoa, lookit the gash on that one!
91. Well, I don't know about ya'all, but I could use a drink.
92. If you kill me, I will only become more powerful!
93. I am not a coward, but it is not fitting for me to get my suit of armor dirty, I gotta be an example to the kids!
94. WHAT.... is the average rainfall of the amazon baisin?
95. After defeating but not dispatching..."Remember, no matter where you go, or how powerful you become, there will always be someone out there mightier than you. And that someone is me."
96. Let me convince you of the error of your ways.
97. Tell me if this hurts.
98. This is your ticket to the afterlife.
99. (talking to his sword) "Here's the goblin I promised you.
100. It wouldn't be proper for me to put this back without killing SOMETHING!
101. Try not to bleed all over my boots.
102. You demons are all alike... blah, blah, blah."
103. Why am I not worried?
104. To the undead..."You won't be so lucky this time."
105. Save your diseases for the less righteous."
106. Looks like you've lost a few fights in your day."
107. God befriend us, as our cause is just!"
108. Doomsday is near; die all, die merrily"
109. Say thy prayers, and farewell.
110. ...and you shall know that I am the Lord when I strike upon thee with great vengence...
111. Holy Avenger Batman!
112. (after a brawl to opponent) Here are your teeth...
113. Ahhh c'mon its not so bad... Its just the Abyss
114. (to a demon) You are one ugly m~!%!#!*@*$!.

[Jaelithe]

Even better:

"I know in my soul what you expect of me,
And all that and more I shall be.

"A knight ... should be invincible,
Succeed where a less fantastic man would fail.
Climb a wall no one else can climb,
Cleave a dragon in record time,
Swim a moat in a coat of heavy iron mail.
No matter the pain, he ought to be unwinceable,
Impossible deeds should be his daily fare.
But where in the world
Is there in the world
A man so *extraordinaire*?

"C'est moi! C'est moi, I'm forced to admit.
'Tis I, I humbly reply.
That mortal who
These marvels can do,
C'est moi, c'est moi, 'tis I.
I've never lost
In battle or game;
I'm simply the best by far.
When swords are crossed
'Tis always the same:
One blow and au revoir!
C'est moi! C'est moi! So adm'rably fit!
A French Prometheus unbound.
And here I stand, with valour untold,
Exeption'ly brave, amazingly bold,
To serve at the Table Round!

"The soul of a knight should be a thing remarkable,
His heart and his mind as pure as morning dew.
With a will and a self-restraint
That's the envy of ev'ry saint
He could easily work a miracle or two.
To love and desire he ought to be unsparkable,
The ways of the flesh should offer no allure.
But where in the world
Is there in the world
A man so untouched and pure?
(C'est moi!)

"C'est moi! C'est moi, I blush to disclose.
I'm far too noble to lie.
That man in whom
These qualities bloom,
C'est moi, c'est moi, 'tis I.
I've never strayed
From all I believe;
I'm blessed with an iron will.
Had I been made
The partner of Eve,
We'd be in Eden still.
C'est moi! C'est moi! The angels have chose
To fight their battles below,
And here I stand, as pure as a pray'r,
Incredibly clean, with virtue to spare,
The godliest man I know!
C'est moi!"

[The 8th Dwarf]

"We're on a mission from God". Elwood Blues.

[Coriat]

"I'm gonna make you into the next Paladin Alignment thread!"

[Sissyl]

"Oh yeah? Well, your momma!"

[DM Under The Bridge]

"Only on the battlefield *draws weapon* can we show our true selves."

Then proceed to rip s+@~ up like you are a berserker pretending to be a paladin off the field of battle.

[EldonG]

A recent quote from my Stonelord: "Apologies to yer children!"

Something he almost said: "I grieve fer yer widda!"

...hey...he's a dwarf.

[Matsu Miyuki]

Throw down your weapons, kneel down, cross your hands, Tentakles, whatever behind your back and you will find me in my good mood.
If not you ask. Well then you will meet me in my divine justice mood.

[Matsu Miyuki]

Best i ever had. Succubus to paladin Charm person. Paladin bows here over, casts holy weapon on his "SWORD" and yells with every trust lifts her dress "HOLY, HOLY, HOLY!"

[Mikaze]

"Please, don't do this."

"I didn't think you were the sort to beg for your life."

"I'm not pleading for my life. I'm pleading for yours."

or some variation of

[Voltron64]

"I'm not afraid of you, and really, I think you're the one who's afraid right now."

"People who say honor is for fools probably haven't looked in a mirror lately."

[Jaelithe]

Sissyl wrote:

"Oh yeah? Well, your momma!"

New meaning to the word "paladinhood."

[Sissyl]

It IS functionally equivalent to all the other suggestions here. =)

[Jaelithe]

Sissyl wrote:

It IS functionally equivalent to all the other suggestions here. =)

If you have a low opinion of paladins, sure. :)

[DM Under The Bridge]

Matsu Miyuki wrote:

Best i ever had. Succubus to paladin Charm person. Paladin bows here over, casts holy weapon on his "SWORD" and yells with every trust lifts her dress "HOLY, HOLY, HOLY!"

Oh my!

[yellowdingo]

Steps on end of holy avenger blade spinning it into air for the awesome catch...
One liner: the inquisition is in.

[Malachi Silverclaw]

You've made many mistakes in your life. Facing me will be your last.