In catching up I had to create a list of the Blazing Items. I had to get a few extra done so this will show on the top of page 5 for easy reference. :)
I dinnae add monsters, organizations or anything else.
Page 1
Shackles of Toil*
Devil Bone Rosary*
Dawncatcher’s Glove*
Helm of Phantom Armor Hubris*
Dawncatcher’s Crown rewrite*
Smoldering Sack*
Page 2
Devil Bone Rosary rewrite
Shackles of Toil rewrite
Hell Pyre shield
Leviathan Gloves *
Battledancing Slippers*
Interceptor’s Lure
Annalist Bindings
Page 3
Whalebone Cape
Indelible Bindings rewrite
Bloodshield Amulet
Nested Dolls of Bullied Vengeance
Whispering Pike
Hellknight’s Pyre rewrite
Page 4
Ascension Rods
Sewing Box Marvels Entry: Binding Buttons
Dimensional Skipping Stone
Threadbeard
Spellcracker's Tools
*items I have reviewed. :)
Sorry I've been MIA these past few weeks: it's crunch time at grad school and I need to get my thesis and other work in before the deadlines. Here's an item I knocked around with Mikko and Nick for a bit, but decided not to use for RPGSS. Let me know what you think!
Carafe of Cascading Ice
Aura moderate evocation and transmutation; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 25,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
Description
This long-necked decanter is cut out of frosted glass. Small icicles hang from its rim, and a haze of frigid mist continuously billows from its mouth.
Once per day, a carafe of cascading ice is magically filled with freezing water. This water can be thrown as a standard action, dousing a 30-foot cone-shaped area. Any creature within the area automatically takes 5d6 points of cold damage, and must make a DC 19 Reflex save or be entangled for 11 rounds by the water freezing over its limbs. The entangle effect can be removed by dealing 10 points of fire damage to an affected creature.
If the carafe is used against any Large or smaller creature of the water subtype, the creature must make a DC 19 Fortitude save or transform into an ice elemental of the same size, serving the user for 11 rounds before melting (which kills the creature). The carafe can transform a maximum of 1 Large, 2 Medium, or 4 Small water creatures in this way. Creatures closest to the user are affected first. Water creatures that resist this effect still suffer the carafe’s normal effects.
This item cannot be used while underwater.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, elemental body III, ice storm; Cost 12,500 gp
Name makes me think it's going to be some sort of decanter of endless water, but with ice. So let's see what we've got.
I like the visuals a lot in the lede, though not the use of "is" as your first verb. I'd probably go with A haze of frigid mist continuously billows from the mouth of this long-necked decanter cut out of frosted glass while small hang from its rim.
First power seems fine -- not really breaking any new ground -- though my first thought is the damage output is a little high. But then I get to the second power. Wow! This is really powerful. It's basically save or die, with the added bonus of you actually help your enemy for 11 rounds first. I think PCs would throw a fit if you threw something like this at them. I know I'd be pretty unhappy.
I do wonder what happens if the magic is dispelled before the 11 rounds? Does the creature return to normal without chance of dying?
As a player I'd probably start collecting these items in bulk, so I had a few to use each day. They seem that good to me.
I think I'd vote these down a lot, unfortunately; even though the format is perfect from what I can see and it's more innovative than a skill bonus item, it just feels really overpowered to me.
Just wanted to share this with everyone. I saw it and had a character I thought was perfect to enter. Your character concept and writing will be in front of a panel of Paizo judges AND your character could become an official part of the Pathfinder universe.
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Now, Carafe of Cascading Ice
I also thought immediately of the decanter of endless water when reading the name. Not necessarily good.
I started thinking of dry ice with the mist continually pouring out. Good description though to get me thinking of something that specific.
A long-necked decanter, throwing water for 30 feet? I just felt that this doesn't jibe. The mouth likely isn't very wide and trying to "throw" water 30 feet out of a long-necked anything is pretty hard (yes I've done something somewhat similar...ahhh college).
My first reaction to automatic damage is NO. At least there's a reflex save, but I would still make this a ranged touch attack. The reflex save is also ONLY for the entangled condition. Hrmph...this is feeling a little powerful already. 11 rounds of entanglement on top of 5-30 damage will spell death.
I actually like the secondary power, as it is a less than common enemy subtype. The transformation makes sense and fits with what the carafe presents itself as. If they don't make the Fort save, nothing happens besides the damage? Ah now I see it, tucked away at the end instead of after the Fort save where I'd expect to see it.
I am not sure at all that I like the melting/death aspect. I'd almost like to see this be a reverts back to water and is unconscious for X time type of mechanic. Would be great for a possible recurring villain that way.
Overall, I would likely downvote this, but I like the potential in it. I think if you steered away from save or die or save or suck mechanics that would do this better justice. Maybe even scrap the first power...the second power is WAAAAAAY more interesting and has possibility to leave story hooks if the affected creature doesn't die.
Just wanted to share this with everyone. I saw it and had a character I thought was perfect to enter. Your character concept and writing will be in front of a panel of Paizo judges AND your character could become an official part of the Pathfinder universe.
Very cool; thanks. I had an immediate thought of a character I could submit, but then realized I might want to use him elsewhere. There're a couple months to think of one, and since I've got about 12 hours of driving and 15 hours of flying coming up, I guess I know what I can be doing. :)
And I've suddenly realized I have absolutely no idea how to price an item that doesn't nicely fit on the SiaC flowchart from the CRB. Oh well - here's my contribution to Golarion's most wondrous sewing kit.
Sewing Box Marvels Entry
Eyelapse Stitch
Aura faint illusion (glamer) [mind-effecting]; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 1,000 gp; Weight —
Description
This small, ragged patch comes in dull, drab colors and is almost entirely nondescript. When held near a piece of fabric, it changes hue to match, though remaining faded and lusterless.
When pressed against a piece of clothing as a standard action, the eyelapse stitch binds itself to it, its dull colors spreading across the garment. Anyone wearing such a garment becomes unnaturally mundane in appearance, making them difficult to discern from other individuals and therefore harder to spot. This grants the wearer a +4 circumstance bonus on Stealth checks, but only in crowded or populated areas.
Should the wearer become actively observed (by, for instance, failing an opposed Perception check), any observer must make a DC 14 Will save or fail to actually notice the wearer of the eyelapse stitch, seeing instead only an average member of the crowd. This effect can only occur once per observer.
The stitch lasts for thirty minutes, or until removed, and then becomes an inert and nonmagical patch. Acting in any way clearly opposed to the group (such as drawing a weapon in an unarmed crowd) immediately ends its effect.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, blend, memory lapse; Cost 500 gp
Eyelapse Stitch
Interesting name, curious to see where it goes.
Having just gone through this myself, I'm curious to see if this will be another weird issue where illusion (glamer) doesn't really fit but that's what the spell is.
Nondescript items are generally bad. It's really hard to make something that's whole physical description as bland be anything but.
I like the chameleon-esque quality of it.
I like where this is going but I think this is still running into an issue of taking something that makes other things bland and making it not weird. For example, you say "nyone wearing such a garment becomes unnaturally mundane in appearance, making them difficult to discern from other individuals and therefore harder to spot." But if they are indeed unnaturally mundane then they would be easier to spot because Hey, That Person Is So Mundane They Don't Fit In.
But I like the idea you are going for.
An interjection in a parenthetical...odd. I would just say "such as" instead of "by, for instance,". This sentence also starts a focus on the wearer but switches the focus of the sentence to any observer. It could probably be worded to start with the focus as the observer. Something like "Any observer actively observing the wearer, such as succeeding at an opposed Perception check, must make a DC 14 Will save...."
I like the seeing only an average member of the crowd thing. And cool that it only works once per observance. This reminds me a little of the Douglas Adams' Somebody Else's Problem field.
30 minutes or removed, cool. 1 time use, cool. Acting in any way clearly opposed to the group...wait.
How does the patch know what is opposed to the group. Which group? The crowd you are standing in or the group of PC's? I would cut that sentence.
Overall, it's a nifty little guy that I like. Great book of magic items item. Not quite superstar, mainly because of the whole nondescript, unnaturally mundane issues as well as the last sentence. Not quite sure that I wouldn't just make the whole power the DC 14 Will save and cut the +4 bonus, that could allow you to price this even more aggressively. Good work though!
Whalebone Cape
The brain is needing a little caffeine right now, but here goes.
*In terms of function, the gloves make more sense with the capsize ability, but the cloak overall makes sense. Maybe some fine tuning in the abilities is needed.**the 'enlarged chest cavity' isn't needed. It has no ties to the capsize nor the cloak & brings up unrelated questions (does it make the wearer larger?, does the wearer float easier, is he susceptable to puncture wounds?) Just give the universal monster ability and call it good (let magic be magic).
***MiC though I still like the idea of being able to capsize ships. I would focus on this. Or better yet, think of a handful of things that look or work like capsizing & put those abilities in.
Bloodshield Amulet
I love the name. Evocative imagery and gives a good impression of what to expect. The protection part of shield is DR not armor, but I dinnae think that matters to the average voter.
*DR & resistance is a bit much. DR 10 is huge on its own. Any critters at CR 7 (item's caster level) will only get through the DR 15-20% of the time. I have not read the DR rules in a while, but I dinnae think the following ever came up for me before. Does the +1 of a magic weapon bypass DR/bludgeoning or DR/piercing? If so the DR is useless against NPCs of appropriate level (they'll always have magic weapons). If not this will reduce many monsters from ever getting through.**Agreed on the complicated issue. To start I would choose DR or ER, not both. Simple rewrite could take care of many of the issues from what I can tell.
***"...deal more damage than in the previous round..." is going to be difficult to abjudicate. Since most bonuses are static rolling maximum on a damage dice, or hitting twice against a flat footed opponent which you would otherwise miss means the protection starts dropping almost immediately. I like the ablative nature this is trying to accomplish, I just think it could be done a little more cleanly . Another option would be to have the blood part of its title come into play (trading CON for DR might be too straitfoward..., then again maybe not. :)
mostly upvote.
My opinions of page 3's items:
First Impression – Interesting name and description. I'm not sure if the word cryogenic exists in a fantasy world, but I don't see any reason why it can't. Definitely makes me wonder what the item will do.
Overall, I like it. It's unique and distinctive, and has a lot of potential for story hooks, BBEG comebacks, and all sorts of neat things like that. But as others have said (yourself included), it just doesn't really work for a PC item. I would see something like this being a magical item included in the appendix of an adventure that uses it, but probably not for something like RPGSS. It's still very cool (pun intended?), and it fits in a fantasy world in a unique and interesting way.
First Impression – The description is awesome, and the name is very cool. I was concerned that there wasn't any actual whalebone in the item... then I looked up baleen, and said concern was forgotten. It might be a problem for people who don't like looking up words, though.
The effect of this seems really, really cool. The idea of knocking a ship over with the might of a whale is a really awesome image. But... I confess I can't really speak for the power of the item, as my games tend to keep away from aquatic adventures. It sounds powerful, but might be appropriate for the price? Capsizing a ship sounds a lot like a save-or-die, but on a much, much bigger scale. Having one of those every day could be a real problem for a campaign like Skull and Shackles. That being said, it's also extremely distinctive and flavorful, and that earns it a lot of points in my book.
First Impression – I like the name, though they give little indication of what function they might have. I'm not a big fan of the description. I had to read it twice to figure out what was talking about what and how with the what where.
I like the idea of these. Finding the truth behind the 'truth' could have some very cool story applications, and the added legal issue surrounding the item makes it perfect for all kinds of plot hooks. Unfortunately, I think that also makes it a little troublesome as a PC item. There are also some grammatical issues that can be fixed (pages' instead of pages) and other clunkiness in language makes it a difficult read. I had to reread the third paragraph a few times to understand its function, and that's a major turn-off for anything.
Overall, I like the idea. There's a very cool concept here, but I feel like it's more useful as a plot tool than something a PC would pick out in Ye Olde Shoppe of Wonder. Of course, your connection to the organization and illegality means that most PCs wouldn't be picking it out in a magic shop, and it likely could often serve as a GM's tool. In this case, I think the item would be best served with cleaner language for flavor and function. This would feel at home in an adventure's appendix of magic items or (as you intended, I think?) a sidebar for an organization.
First Impression – Bloodword Itemtype! Not the most inspiring name, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy a bloodword itemtype every so often. The game just wouldn't be the same without them.
I think I agree with the other assessments that it's a bit complex for its effects. I like the idea of a 'bloodword' item actually requiring you to get hurt before it does something, but this is a little complicated and I could easily see it being a hassle in a combat situation (Did I do enough damage to keep it going? How many HD does that thing have?). I also agree that having it activate as an immediate action seems more appropriate. All that being said, though, it's solid. It's cool, it fits the name, it's something active and interesting to use, and it's something that I wouldn't be terribly upset to stumble upon in a horde of treasure.
First Impression – Clunky name. I won't repeat what everyone else has said, but simply nod in agreement. I'm not sure I like suggesting what the dolls look like, bordering a little bit on the “favored by...” territory. I think simply saying what sizes they represent might be enough.
The intent of these seems solid, but I'm not sure I like the flavor effect that these are “favored by” small races, to the extent that only one of them can make it. I think I'd like it better if it functioned as some kind of general size equalizer, rather than a “get back at the tall guys” kind of thing. Perhaps something that moved everyone one step closer to Medium size? I realize this wasn't your intent, but just throwing it out there.
I really like the effect. It's a cool battlefield effect, and its charges mean you can't just use it mindlessly in every battle, or even just that one daily battle. The intimidate effect seems tacked on, and I'm not sure it's needed. The duration is also very odd. I'd just say forget the CL and what the logical duration for the effects should be and give it something simpler.
First Impression – It's a cool name, but it makes me think of a certain magical item from Jade Regent. Probably because I ran it not so long ago with a new group. Of course, that doesn't stop this from being a good name. There should be a division between the flavor text and the item's description, I think? I'm not sure if things work a little differently for specific magical weapons than for wondrous items, and a quick glance at the prd didn't really help.
I like the imagery of the weapon a lot. Its effects against charging make the title of 'pike' fitting, and I'd much rather carry a halberd than a pike as a player... pikes look boring, but halberds have a certain element of cool. Its effects are really unique as well – I feel like there's plenty of charging based toys, but very little on the other side of things.
The price seems a little high to me. Three ready-vs-charge-as-immediate-action and a relatively weak suggestion DC are valued at around 6k gp here. I imagine that a lot of enemies someone with a CL 7 / +3(ish) weapon would have little trouble making a DC 14/16 save against the charge command. The only other issue is that the flavor seems to imply it is for fighting monsters and other forest-dwelling baddies, but then it whispers with their voices. This might work for humanoid things such as goblins and the like, but I imagine a lot of the other threats would be horrible creatures or aberrations that might not have a voice to whisper with.
First Impression – It makes me think of some kind of bonfire, and it isn't immediately obvious that this is some kind of armor. That's not a huge issue, obviously.
Some grammar things could be fixed. Missing some commas, could clear up some sentences. (Moral bonus to saves, can also be active as a standard action, etc.) I'd also move up the activation to the first paragraph. My first thought was that 'active' for a shield meant 'donned and readied', and that's obviously not the case. Is there a per day limit on this? Or can it just be re-lit every five rounds?
I like the idea of this, but it seems like it's too eclectic for its own good. It's a bashing shield that catches fire and smashes things, but it's also particularly good against supernatural powers certain classes have, and also benefits smite evil, and also you can use it to burn witches at the stake! It's a bit much, even though the price has gone up to compensate. I just feel like they're a little bit too disparate, even considering the flavor intended behind this.
Similarly, I just can't see many people using this for the price because it's so many different little things. If you have a shield-bashing guy who isn't a paladin, he'll just toss it out and buy a different thing. A non-bashing paladin would be wasting half of this thing's power. And it's such a cool power, you'd want to use it if you had it – but would it be worth it?
Lots of stuff!
The SEP field may or may not have been in the back of my mind for these. Something between that and Doctor Who's Silence, I think.
I suppose in hindsight making a wondrous item that's whole purpose is to be as bland as possible to avoid notice would be a poor choice if one was trying to make an item that stood out. And I need to keep my prose language out of my rules language.
Yeah... that last sentence is poorly worded. Something like "If the wearer calls direct attention to himself (such as drawing a weapon..." would make a lot more sense. Does the pricing seem right? Should it be cheaper, more expensive, more powerful? I'm really terrible at guesstimating the values of these things.
I would be willing to pay 1,000 gp for it, it would probably be better off at 2,500 gp for all it does. As long as you are in the ballpark then you are fine.
But like I said at the end, if you knocked off the +4 bonus I could see this being reasonably priced at 500 gp which would be great.
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Eyelapse Stitch
Theheadkase's review is pretty good and I mostly agree. A few additional notes:
* I've mentioned it on an occasion or two here in the RPGSS boards that "nondescript" items are a pet peeve of mine. Because magic items are supposed to look and feel magical, different. However, a rare exception are items that are designed to fool other people somehow and looking obviously magical would not make sense. That said, even though it makes sense in this particular item, you'll have to make its non-descriptness seem somehow wonderful and extraordinary. :D It may not be easy, but I'm sure it's possible...
* While most (medieval) crowds are probably gray and dull in appearance, a crowd of bards or aristocrats or colorful merchants, or monks in orange robes is not going to look gray. So, as theheadkase mentioned, looking too gray makes you stand out.
* Which sort of gives me an idea for solving my point #1: The patch, when not attached to a garment, could have an ever-shifting appearance, changing its colors and patterns from colorful to dull, from coarse hemp to finest silk, etc. And when you use it, your clothes change to match the average person in that community / crowd / etc., but in such a subtle way that no-one ever actually sees the change except the user.
Overall, I think it's a pretty neat concept. It is mechanically a bit too sparse to be Superstar in my opinion, but I really like the item. To level up, so to say, you have to break the rules a bit more. A clever twist or something...
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I would be willing to pay 1,000 gp for it, it would probably be better off at 2,500 gp for all it does. As long as you are in the ballpark then you are fine.
But like I said at the end, if you knocked off the +4 bonus I could see this being reasonably priced at 500 gp which would be great.
I have to disagree... it's just a one-shot item. I'd never pay 2,500 gp for 30 minutes of +4 Stealth and kind-of sort-of invisibility or auto-disguise. In most adventures, a 6-pack of potions of invisibility would be more useful. I'd make it a 1/day item and maybe bump up the price a bit, but not by much.
Thanks Mikko, and congrats to you other 3 as well!
Thanks Mikko! Congrats all around, I can't wait to see everyone's submissions in the final product!
Wish I'd known about that contest. But, congrats guys. Looking forward to see the encounters.
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Yea, can't wait to see the encounters!
Anyways, Nickolas, let's hope they'll arrange another contest. I considered entering, but just had too much work at the time, so maybe next time.
Hey folks! I finally finished my string of huge exams, so I'm back to the Pathfinder drawing board (at least for now, since I have more exams in a few weeks so I'll probably be back to the grindstone pretty soon).
Thanks to Mikko, theheadkase, Chris, and Nickolas for the support! Hats off to all the entrants, and I'm super excited to see the final submissions. And a special thanks to Curaigh for the top-of-page summary of the Blazing 9 submissions so far - it was a huge help for me to go back an look at all the entries I missed while studying.
Since the thread is moving so fast it seems as though all my compliments and concerns were already voiced, so I'll just say good show so far. It's really neat seeing how everyone is progressing just over the course of revising their material here.
I'm overdue for my next contribution, so I drafted this up about an hour ago. I decided to explore some new territory and experiment with the magical tattoos ruleset from Pathfinder Campaign Setting: Inner Sea Magic. BEHOLD:
Woundstitching Tattoo
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 12,000 gp (lesser), 24,000 gp (normal), 36,000 gp (greater); Weight –
Description
This intricately woven, knot-pattern tattoo remains intact even when its underlying skin is cut, scraped, or burned. Once per day as a standard action, the bearer may activate the tattoo to reform damaged flesh between the markings. An activated tattoo grants fast healing 1 (lesser), 2 (normal), or 3 (greater) until the bearer returns to full health or the tattoo heals 20 (lesser), 40 (normal), or 60 (greater) hp, whichever comes first. Once used, the tattoo fades to resemble a scar; its color returns to normal when its power regenerates the next day.
Construction
Requirements Inscribe Magical Tattoo, symbol of healing; Cost 6,000 gp (lesser), 12,000 gp (normal), 18,000 gp (greater)
And let's not forget Anthony's challenge, either!
Sewing Box Marvels Entry
Steelstitching Needle
Aura faint transmutation; CL 1st
Slot none; Price 200 gp; Weight –
Description
Any string threaded through the eye of this thick iron needle takes on the consistency of wire. A steelstitching needle allows the wielder to use Craft (clothing) in place of Craft (armor) for the purpose of repairing or resizing armor, regardless of material.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, mending; Cost 100 gp
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Nick, here's a very very short review on your latest two items. I think they both have really well-written flavor text, and really tight mechanics. Not one word was used wastefully. It's a very useful skill, particularly when writing magic items or other entries with limited word counts.
Some more detailed comments:
Item #1
* Hmm 20 points of healing /day for 12,000 gp, without checking the table in the CRB, I think that sounds just about right for a slotless item.
* "Full health" is a bit inaccurate; if you mean hp, write hp. Someone at full hp with 10 points of Con damage, for example, isn't at full health.
Item #2
* Few, very few PCs ever take ranks in Craft (clothing), so the only function the item has is unlikely to be used, ever. (The same criticism could of course be applied to my spellcracker's tools that used Craft (traps) and Craft (locks), both of which are "NPC skills" more than PC skills. In my defense, I chose two skills instead of just one on purpose, so that the chance of a PC actually having the right skill would be a bit higher.)
* While I very much like substituting X for Y as a game mechanic, here the substitution feels quite mundane. Any character that has one of these Craft skills as a class skill also has the other, so a PC using this item is not really "breaking rules in a limited way", which is what wondrous items should do (particularly Superstar ones).
Lastly, if they were RPG Superstar entries:
* Fast healing or a mundane skill substitution would be way, way, way too tame for RPG Superstar.
The tattoo would make a good magic item book entry, though. The needle would not be seeing any use in most campaigns.
Item #1
* "Full health" is a bit inaccurate; if you mean hp, write hp. Someone at full hp with 10 points of Con damage, for example, isn't at full health.
Item #2
* Few, very few PCs ever take ranks in Craft (clothing), so the only function the item has is unlikely to be used, ever. (The same criticism could of course be applied to my spellcracker's tools that used Craft (traps) and Craft (locks), both of which are "NPC skills" more than PC skills. In my defense, I chose two skills instead of just one on purpose, so that the chance of a PC actually having the right skill would be a bit higher.)
* While I very much like substituting X for Y as a game mechanic, here the substitution feels quite mundane. Any character that has one of these Craft skills as a class skill also has the other, so a PC using this item is not really "breaking rules in a limited way", which is what wondrous items should do (particularly Superstar ones).Lastly, if they were RPG Superstar entries:
* Fast healing or a mundane skill substitution would be way, way, way too tame for RPG Superstar.
Thank you for the critique, Mikko. Everything you said is very true; I didn't really break any new ground here, and the needle is really more of a novelty piece for players that really want their PCs to be able to sew. I don't see much more coming out of the tattoo (looking back I think "magic item book entry" is probably the best it can achieve without mutilating its theme), but I'll see if I can come up with a more interesting or useful mechanic for a revision of the needle.
Good catch on the "full health" terminology, I didn't even consider ability damage.
As a side note, I just realized both items are [noun]stitching [item type]. I guess that's what I get for writing them both at midnight. :P
Woundstitching Tattoo
Interesting...a tattoo that binds together flesh.
Does it remain intact if you're burned, cut, or scraped down to the bone?
I have an issue with this sentence: "Once per day as a standard action, the bearer may activate the tattoo to reform damaged flesh between the markings." How big is the tattoo? Does it truly only heal damage on the area it is tattooed on as the flavor text would suggest? Do I have have to be tattooed from the top of my head to the soles of my feet for this to really work? I think I would change the "between the markings" part to something that is more suggestive of healing whatever is wrong with the body and not with the potentially small parts between the tattoo.
Other than that, I like this. Quite a bit.
Steelstitching Needle
My only complaint of this otherwise fun and flavorful item is the "regardless of material" portion. What if it's an +5 adamantine full plate suit? So the thread becomes that for purposes of repairing? Can I start sewing to give the thread those properties, then stop and now I have +5 adamantine thread?
But, other than that I really like this item as well! Hooray Craft skills!
Does it remain intact if you're burned, cut, or scraped down to the bone?
Does it truly only heal damage on the area it is tattooed on as the flavor text would suggest? [...] I think I would change the "between the markings" part to something that is more suggestive of healing whatever is wrong with the body and not with the potentially small parts between the tattoo.
Good questions. For the first part, I had only intended for the tattoo to remain in spite of superficial abrasions. Inner Sea Magic offers rules for how to destroy a magic tattoo, so deep enough damage would likely be permanent. I'll tighten that up in a rewrite.
The second question brings up an excellent point. The magic tattoo rules state that a creature can have one tattoo on each of the usual body slots (except armor, eye, headband, and shield), but they don't interfere with other items on those slots. If one was playing with additional rules for damaging body parts I could see this only healing the tattooed area, but that was not my original intent. I'll work on the language and clarify that it heal wounds anywhere on the body, even though the tattoo is limited to one slot.
My only complaint of this otherwise fun and flavorful item is the "regardless of material" portion. What if it's an +5 adamantine full plate suit? So the thread becomes that for purposes of repairing? Can I start sewing to give the thread those properties, then stop and now I have +5 adamantine thread?
Good catch, I hadn't considered this as a potential source for unlimited adamantine. I have word count to spare, so I can clarify that the thread changes to match the woven material, but reverts to normal if removed.
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As a side note, I just realized both items are [noun]stitching [item type]. I guess that's what I get for writing them both at midnight. :P
I noticed it too, and thought it was intentional. :P
Wow! Congratulations on Raging Swan everyone. I am happy to say I know more than half of the winners, mostly because you post here :)
Ok, yes, this is me being a terrible person.
However, I know how generally wonderful everyone is over in this corner of the boards, so I admit I am trying to get more than just an item. I know, I know, I'm terrible, please feel free to ignore this if you feel like it.
Now on to my unreasonable request.
I have a class I have created and have had no luck in getting any feedback on it, with the exception of one amazing person, who I don't want to bother again.
I would love some feedback if anyone is interested.
If not my apologies and yet again my thanks.
Had to join in, sorry for my disappearing act, been a very very crazy year.
Glad to see you all.
The theme of this has been kicking around in my head for awhile.
Well I will comment more later. Please enjoy the item.
Summer Wind
Aura moderate abjuration; CL 7th
Slot none; Price 12,000 gp; Weight —
Description
Surrounding its bearer in an irregular globe of warmth and comfort, a summer wind flits playfully through the air and is visible only as a slight heat shimmer.
While englobed by a summer wind the bearer is protected, in part, from the malice of endarkened winter. The bearer may once per day lay on hands as a seventh level paladin. The two mercies conferred by this use of lay on hands are decided at the time the summer wind is crafted.
Further the bearer gains a +2 sacred bonus on saves against effects with the cold, fear, darkness, or evil descriptor, or against saving throws due to inclement environmental conditions.
The bearer of a summer wind may as a standard action touch any willing living target and transfer the summer wind to the target.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, blessing of courage and life, healing warmth; Cost 6,000 gp
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A few comments:
Summer Wind
* I'm torn about this item - I do like it that it's not a pair of gloves or boots. It's something I haven't seen before. At the same time, I cringe at the thought or crafting or carrying a "wind". It's not really an item. I'd probably recommend including some kind of a container for the wind. A wondrous item should be something tangible.
* Nice flavor text, I like the description about the wind flitting playfully, visible as a heat shimmer!
* Borrowing class features is one of SKR's auto-rejects, so at least in RPGSS I'd recommend using a more unique effect.
* Again, +2 on a number of saves would be a bit tame if this was an RPGSS item. I also have to say that as a player I don't appreciate a long list of things that the save bonus applies to... I'll never remember to add the bonus.
* Thematically, it's a solid item, all parts fit together nicely.
* Some unnecessary repetition of the item's name, and inconsistent italics when using the name.
* I kind of like the transfer mechanicsm, but otoh, it reinforces the idea that this is not an item but an effect.
I hope that helps!
A few comments:
Summer Wind
* I'm torn about this item - I do like it that it's not a pair of gloves or boots. It's something I haven't seen before. At the same time, I cringe at the thought or crafting or carrying a "wind". It's not really an item. I'd probably recommend including some kind of a container for the wind. A wondrous item should be something tangible.
* Nice flavor text, I like the description about the wind flitting playfully, visible as a heat shimmer!
* Borrowing class features is one of SKR's auto-rejects, so at least in RPGSS I'd recommend using a more unique effect.
* Again, +2 on a number of saves would be a bit tame if this was an RPGSS item. I also have to say that as a player I don't appreciate a long list of things that the save bonus applies to... I'll never remember to add the bonus.
* Thematically, it's a solid item, all parts fit together nicely.
* Some unnecessary repetition of the item's name, and inconsistent italics when using the name.
* I kind of like the transfer mechanicsm, but otoh, it reinforces the idea that this is not an item but an effect.I hope that helps!
I can see what you mean about this item being more of an effect. Funnily enough it was originally a cloak, inspired by the book "The Wise Man's Fear."
I agree about the class feature borrowing, I don't really like it either.
The save list did get long.
*shrug* Well I am glad I got the theme across. This just says to me that I should spend more than 20 minutes on something before submitting it for review.
I very much appreciate the feedback and will rewrite and hopefully come back with something much more solid.
My thanks
*Bow*
Summer Wind
I agree with Mikko, the cool factor of it being an ambient aura doesn't offset the problems that arise from this item not being, well, an item. I think your initial idea of making this a cloak was spot on.
Mikko already mentioned the class-feature-copy auto-reject. I don't have a problem with using the lay on hands ability as a springboard, but the item has to stand out as something beyond a few levels in paladin. Perhaps it could add additional abilities to a paladin's mercy, such as resistance to cold climates?
The theme is consistent, but I feel like it has potential for more. I really like the idea of giving a paladin a summer theme when facing evil winter forces (could work well in the Reign of Winter APs). Reworking this to cater to paladins instead of mimicking them might be a way to tighten it up.
Keep up the good work!
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I'd like to get some feedback on a design article I wrote recently: Designing scary, creepy monsters. (Actually, feel free to comment on anything in the blog.)
I realize this isn't technically what Nine Blazing Months is intended for, but it's close enough and it's been a bit quiet here recently. :P I hope my design articles become something that future contestants in RPGSS can use for advice, but I'm no SKR or Daigle, so feedback is appreciated. :)
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I'll take a look when I get some spare moments, things are hectic here at the moment, so I'm a tad snowed under :)
Here's one I thought up while on vacation. I think it's actually a decent item that I debated holding on to, but while I like its function, I think the form feels a little silly (it works with my old fetching stick and fetching ball from a couple 9 Blazing Month threads ago).
Plus I wanted to participate in this year's thread...
Chewing bone
Aura faint enchantment; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 2,000 gp; Weight 1/2 lb.
Description
A meaty odor lingers around this thigh bone, etched with a single arcane rune that glows faintly red.
When thrown at a creature with a natural bite attack, a chewing bone compels the creature to chew on it until it's destroyed. The bone's user must succeed at a ranged touch attack, causing the target — which must not have anything in its mouth (such as a grabbed foe) — to catch it. The target makes a bite attack on the bone each round until the chewing bone is destroyed or taken away but may otherwise act normally. The bone has hardness 5, 5 hp and a range increment of 10 feet.
Anyone can take the bone from a target as a standard action. Doing so provokes a bite attack of opportunity even if the creature would not normally have any attacks of opportunity available. The bone's target may attempt a DC 17 Will save to resist the urge to bite the creature taking the bone. If the target has a bond with the creature trying to take it, such as a ranger's animal companion or cavalier's mount, it gets an +4 morale bonus to its Will save.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, suggestion; Cost 1,000 gp
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Chewing bone
* "Chewing bone" should be "Chewing Bone".
* The name is a bit mundane, sounds like a toy you give to a dog not a magic item.
* Really nice thematical and mechanical connection. I very much like it that it only targets creatures with a bite attack.
* Using an odor as part of the description is clever; a lot of people only use visuals.
* I'd remove the comma in the first sentence because now it seems as though the odor is etched with a rune. :P
* Anything that compels you to do something should probably require a Will save.
* Actually, compel hostility might be a better match as a spell.
* The hp/hardness is quite low. A lot of opponents can destroy it in one round, which is not nice considering it costs 2,000 gp. Maybe it should regenerate at dawn or midnight to make it effectively a 1/day item?
* Taking the bone should probably be a disarm or grapple maneuver unless the bone stays on the ground, not in the mouth.
Overall, I think it shows a lot of mojo but still needs some tweaking.
By the way, do you own a dog, Jacob? :) Items like this always make me wonder under what circumstances the idea came up.
Thanks, Mikko. I do in fact have a dog, who's responsible for much of my gaming output (if only for the fact that I do a lot of brainstorming while out walking her). She gets a marrow bone every day, though never tries to bite me should I take it away from her. :) She inspired a couple other practice items in the 9 Blazing Months thread two years ago too.
Not surprisingly, these are all good criticisms. That's what I get for getting up still a little too early thanks to jetlag and doing my usual write-and-post-ASAP routine (I think I'd have caught most of those with the additional reads I do for non-practice items). I was even thinking there was a better spell out there, but didn't have the energy yet to go look for it.
The name does in fact sound like a dog toy, but as that was the genesis of the idea and I'd already decided it was a bit too silly to actually publish I figured it worked well enough for practice.
I did struggle a bit with deciding on hp/hardness. I didn't want it so hard that a regular dog couldn't eventually destroy this thing while it also shouldn't be something that gives a dragon more than a moment's pause. Also a good reason to actually playtest items, as I think that's something I could have worked on/figured out that way if I were submitting this for a contest/publication. The idea of regenerating is a good one -- I think I get too excited about making consumables, which is ironic since I don't like playing with them (I tend to hoard my resources as a player).
As for the save, I think items typically don't require saves if they require attack rolls. I suppose I could just have it be able to target any creature within 30 feet or something and then allow the creature a save... I thought about requiring a disarm or similar maneuver for reclaiming the bone but I felt like that just added a bit too much complexity to it. I like the idea that it provokes that AoO and want to keep that (and the Will save to avoid that with the neat bonus for companion animals) so adding in another roll means it could be a three-roll sequence to reclaim the bone (disarm attempt, Will save, attack of opportunity)...
Hmm, I wonder if you need to consider size at all - what is a meaty boney snack / chew toy for say an alligator might be swallowed whole by something in the next category up.
Yeah, I thought about that too, but I think that's one of those little details you can get bogged down in too easily. It's magic. If the creature has a big mouth, I figure it just chews at it like when you get a piece of popcorn shell caught in your gum or something and have to work it free.
Yeah, I thought about that too, but I think that's one of those little details you can get bogged down in too easily. It's magic. If the creature has a big mouth, I figure it just chews at it like when you get a piece of popcorn shell caught in your gum or something and have to work it free.
Shell of Popping Duly noted for a full write-up later. :)
just finished a pitch, & I have to add an item, & then work on the heroes of Magnimar, but will be back to critiquing soon :)
Chewing bone
I don't have a problem with suggestion as the base spell. Personally I always try to use core spells as crafting requirements, since all supplementary spells are essentially derived from them and using core material makes it more universally accessible.
I kinda like the name, but I agree it could sound more wondrous. Maybe "Savory Bone" or something?
The rune strikes me as out of place with the rest of the description. Is there another way to relay its magical nature without defaulting to script? Maybe a visible aura of meaty smell (like in the cartoons), or the fact that the meat is always slightly undercooked no matter how long it's been out in the sun, or something?
The hardness/hp seem on point for a dog-sized target, like a wolf or a krenshar. Maybe you can make bigger, hardier, more expensive versions for other creatures like gray renders? Perhaps you could include an Intelligence score limit on creatures susceptible to its effect, so an intelligent dragon doesn't go ga-ga for the juicy bone (unless that's what you're looking for)?
I agree with Mikko about this needing a Will save. Also about the regenerating idea.
This definitely has flavor (pun intended). Not bad at all for a rapid-fire submission.
Here's an item I just cooked up, a-la Jacob's rapid-fire write-&-post method. Thoughts?
Stonescaling Grasps
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot hands; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
These gloves have a rough, stony appearance, but feel cushioned and comfortably snug when worn. The fingers are tipped with curved hooks made of rugged granite.
Wearing these gloves causes touched stone to mold into convenient grips and handholds, reducing the Climb DC of any stone surface by 5. On any round when she uses both hands for climbing a stone surface (i.e. does not attack, cast spells with somatic components, or otherwise use her hands for something other than climbing), the wearer does not lose her Dexterity bonus to AC. As a full-round action, the wearer may climb up to one-quarter her normal speed while leaving behind magically-formed handholds, reducing the Climb DC of the traversed area by 5 for all creatures. These handholds persist for 1 hour before fading back into the rock.
At will, the wearer can use a standard action to pull fistfulls of stone out the surface she is climbing, dropping them onto creatures below. All creatures directly below the wearer take 1d6 points of bludgeoning damage from the falling rocks (Reflex DC 14 negates). This ability fills a cylindrical area, using the wearer’s space as the point of origin and extending downward to the next horizontal surface. The wearer can use this ability without losing her Dexterity bonus to AC while climbing a stone surface.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, stone shape; Cost 2,500 gp
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Stonescaling Grasps
Christopher, of your recent items, I think I like this one the best. Fairly simple yet very cool idea. Two effects, one theme.
* The name is ok. Not great, not particularly bad either.
* The first part of the description gives me a good idea of what these gloves are about, though I'd personally prefer a bit more pizazz and magic. Maybe whenever they're even just near any stone, the stone takes on a more liquid, rippling appearance? I'd probably lose the hooks because you don't actually rely on hooks to climb.
* I like it very much that the gloves also make it easier for other creatures to climb. Of course, you can change a Climb DC simply by using a rope or pitons, but of course using the gloves is much quicker.
* "On any round she uses..." Who? :) Remember the refer to the user as "the user" at least once before using the pronoun..
* The list of things you cannot do is a bit redundant, I guess it'd be easier to just mention the only type of action you are allowed to do with your hands if you don't want to lose Dex to AC. (By the way, not all attacks require the use of hands.. a lot of PCs have bite attacks, for example.)
* Some very nice visuals "...mold into convenient grips and handholds..." and "..fading back into the rock.." and "..pull fistfuls of stone..". Very easy to imagine what it looks like when someone is using the gloves.
* While I don't like weapon-like abilities in wondrous items very much, this one's actually very thematically appropriate! It's very easy to figure out who's directly below you, and no wonky mechanics. Very situational, though, not sure how often these situations come up.
* While the damage may seem very low, the gloves remain useful because any amount of damage while climbing forces a Climb check.
Overall, it's a very cool item. This one might well have made my personal top 32, had it been an actual RPGSS entry. I do think the writing could be tightened up a bit, and the physical description could be more interesting.
Chewing Bone
I agree with pretty much everything Mikko and Chris said. If you want to accommodate the Will save, perhaps you could make the bone have a small area of effect instead of an attack roll. That way, the user would only have to attack a square (much easier than a monster) and nearby targets would be drawn to attack the bone. You could even have it influence multiple targets - perhaps the first creature to act gets the bone, and every other valid target in the area must make one bite attack against the creature that got the bone before acting normally (creating the image of throwing a steak into a pack of hungry hounds, causing them to fight over it).
I really like Chris' idea about the Int limit; this seems like an item that should be used on more savage beasts, not intelligent monsters.
Stonescaling Grasps
Mikko touched on all the points that initially struck me. A couple more questions:
Does it work for both worked stone and natural stone? I know some spells and effects make a distinction between natural rock formations and masonry.
If the wearer drops stones while climbing an angled surface (as opposed to perfectly vertical), do the stones "bounce" downhill to hit targets behind her, or do they get reabsorbed into the stone directly below her?
Overall I think this item is pretty rock solid (pun intended), and I'd like to use it in one of my games.
Thanks, Mikko and Nick. Guess I should have held onto this one for January. *snap* Go figure that the item I came up with and statted in a half hour would be the one that was a hit, huh? Although admittedly it was the same story with the bodhrán.
I like your ideas for the description, Mikko, and good catch with the hooks. I know basically nothing about rock climbing, so I'm happy to get that feedback from an actual climber!
Yeah, the "the user" error was a victim of hasty revision. I had it, then deleted it when reformatting, and forgot to put it back in. Oops :) I'll go fix that now.
Looks like I fell into my usual trap of trying to be overly clear, resulting in redundancy and actually less clarity. I'll go clean that up too, thanks for the feedback!
Good point about the worked/unworked stone distinction, Nick. My intent was mainly unworked stone, but I see where confusion would arise. I'll have to look back and make a final judgment call.
I debated the slanted surface question when writing this, and ultimately decided that it should really only be effective when traversing vertical surfaces. Otherwise the physics just become too much of a headache. Plus this is a wondrous item, not a weapon, like Mikko said; its combat utility should be limited.
Summer Wind
I'm a little torn about the name and how it's used. On the one hand, I'm a sucker for things that have multiple uses, and using the summer wind as both the item and a separate noun in the initial description gets me. But I know lots don't like that kind of thing.
Wait...it ALWAYS surrounds the user? So it's kind of like an ioun stone?
Endarkened winter...not a game term so I'll go along for the ride but I'm a little unsure what to make of this at this point.
Whoaaaaaaa...it's strictly a 7th level paladin LOH? Now I'm weirded out that these aren't gloves...although I can see why you wouldn't go that obvious...it still fits almost too well. Or maybe if the summer wind coalesced around the hands to LOH.
That's a lot of +2 in the saves for a 12,000gp item. This is a pretty good deal just for that, not to mention getting access to a 7th level class ability for the low low price of....you get what I mean.
And it's transferable...which is cool.
I would recommend that the construction requirements need the LOH ability listed as well. But I still am not a huge fan of the item. It's got cool function but it smells a little like cheese and it's got a lot for a low price and I just don't like giving away class abilities (especially signature ones) in Wondrous items. But...I'd buy it just because of the saves!
Chewing Bone
I'm a dog (4) owner so I'm already with this :)
Is the meaty odor fresh or rotten...because animals typically like bad smells.
Hmm...an etched red rune. Ok...not sure yet about that. For some reason I immediately think of summoners.
HAH! I love the function! And it fits so perfectly...I've not seen something like it before...Seriously love this even though it's a teensy bit silly.
But why not a Will save for the creature to resist going after it instead of a ranged touch attack. In fact...why couldn't the power have made a group of creatures with a natural bite attack succeed a Will save or be compelled to go after the bone?
I also really like how you implemented taking the bone away. Fits perfectly how a lot of animals react.
Overall, I really like this but I wish it would have been a Will save instead of a ranged touch attack (because that just kind of makes it seem like you clonk a dog in the head with it then it starts chewing on it) and that it would be effective within a radius against a group of creatures with natural bite attacks. I'm going to steal this though.
Stonescaling Grasps
Cool name. Even though one of the judges last RPGSS was very vocal about hating NounVerb names (which I disagree with).
Granite hooks on the fingers? Cool first line.
Oh now this is seriously cool. My only gripe (and it's a small one) is that only reducing the climb dc by 5 seems a bit low. I mean, going hand over hand on a stone ceiling should be much easier with these magically formed handholds. Seriously love this item.
Cool secondary power that fits perfectly and I like how you explain targeting. Why not using falling object rules instead of a flat 1d6 though?
Overall, these are seriously cool and I would definitely upvote it most if not all the time. Well done.
Thanks, theheadkase! Man, I should have saved these gloves for 2015, I didn't expect them to resonate so positively. C'est la vie.