[Humor] Pathfinder Lexicon / Dictionary

[Lincoln Hills]

Real Time: Sequential progression of the players' and GM's existence. Perception of real time is accelerated when at the game. It is horribly extended when at work, studying, or enduring a character story. The fundamental unit of empirical real time is the second.

Game Time: Sequential progression of the characters' existence. Perception of game time is accelerated when traveling, creating magic items, or sleeping. It is painstaking extended when engaged in combat or enduring other situations that might result in damage or losing items. The fundamental unit of empirical real time is the initiative count.

Losing Items: Strangely, in a game where a character can be mangled in a hundred different ways, petrified, cursed, transformed into a koala, or imprisoned eternally without even death as a means of escape, the fate PCs dread more than any other is petty theft. The loss of a single magic item is enough to cause ragequit and/or a Holocaust-level degree of collateral damage: even if these do not result, a PC will still engage in a manhunt for eternity to catch somebody who stole a magic item that has never been anything but encumbrance to its deprived owner.

[Malachi Silverclaw]

Bastard Sword: Unlike the usual weapons whose capabilities depend on the skill of the wielding character, the capabilities of this weapon vary with the differing beliefs of the player.

[Deadmoon]

Lincoln Hills wrote:

Sorcerer: 1. A magician; a person capable of invoking the supernatural. 2. An arcane class that gets loot and XP by casting the same few spells over and over; contrast wizard. Sorcerer players are consumed with buying splatbooks in hopes of finding an obscure spell that will combine those two functions, such as flesh to negotiable currency.

Blood Money: the Flesh to Negotiable Currency spell

[Lincoln Hills]

Well, it's a start. Now if only it were a burst effect rather than 'self only'. And the blood turned to nice, easy-to-exchange gold nuggets rather than hard-to-sell spell components. Also, it would be nice if enemies that the spell killed burst into a cloud of pine-fresh scent and 10-gp gems. Oh, speaking of which:

Gem: A small crystalline mineral cut and shaped for maximum aesthetic beauty. Non-magical loot that is preferable to gold, albeit more difficult to buy ale with: useful for bypassing the encumbrance problems that other forms of loot may unexpectedly provide if the GM ever notices that you're carrying enough gold to plate a small moon.

[Petty Alchemy]

Favored Enemy: (In Game) A mechanic which represents a hatred and specialized training to hunt and kill a specific race or subset of creatures. This ability belongs to the Ranger, which is often one of The Good Guys.

Favored Enemy: (Out of Game) Although the game is typically a gathering of friends, it has the remarkable ability to spark enmity, which leads the offended party into making a topic on the forums looking for the sympathy of internet strangers. Common Favored Enemy choices Out of Game are DM, and/or Player.

[Celestial Pegasus]

Wanted to offer up an alternate definition for a term (Nothing wrong with the current one, I just have a different spin).

Adventure Path: The most clever business move ever done by Paizo Publishing, monetizing the GM who wants to run a full-length campaign but doesn't have the time to create a whole setting and/or storyline on their own. The ongoing healthy sales of the Adventure Path line prove this is a viable product that has been very helpful for sustaining the hobby.

There are two problems, however.

The first is that AP books provide just enough detail to give you the story's framework, but cannot cover every contingency. This will lead to Players asking incessant questions about every NPC's motives and interests on topics the book does not cover. Thus, any time the GM saved on world-prep by running an Adventure Path is lost when they have to develop absurdly detailed personalities for every single creature in the AP... up to and including random dogs on the street. At least, this is the case if your players are roleplaying; if they tend to create parties of murderhobos then you need not worry about that issue.

Second, some smartass player is going to inevitably comment: "So, wait... you paid money for some books to help you railroad us? Couldn't you have just done that for free?" Expect ensuing chairs thrown at them to be protested with "I'm just sayin'!"

[Jacob Saltband]

...

[Lincoln Hills]

Are you a good ... or a bad ...?

Kobold: 1. Any of a variety of legendary gen. subterranean fairies in European folklore. 2. A race of weak, cunning, semi-reptilian humanoids noted for having very little loot and being worth very few XP, thus enabling their survival in the game world under the "Not Worth The Wear And Tear On Gear" clause. When seen in the open, a kobold is either about to be mugged by commoners for its lunch money... or it is the bait to a diabolical trap.

[Fromper]

Lincoln Hills wrote:

Are you a good ... or a bad ...?

Ok, this made me think of the line from the Wizard of Oz, and the definition just jumped out at me.

Are you a good witch or a bad witch? 1. What the munchkins wondered about Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. 2. What munchkins wonder about PC witches in Pathfinder, usually treating those witches with the slumber hex as good, and others as badwrongfun.

[Malachi Silverclaw]

BadWrongFun: A metagame term applicable to any way of playing the game differently to your way ('your way' being, by definition, the 'correct' way).

[Lincoln Hills]

Badwrongfun: (2) A philosophical position summarized by the famous Twitter philosopher Anonymous in his (or her?) immortal tweet: "OMG h8 yr face u r doin it rong u suk!"

[Calybos1]

A few more definitions that may prove useful....

Armor: Protective cloth, leather, or metal worn as clothing in the vain hope that it will stop acid, tentacles, or blasts of magic.

Buff: A bonus to one’s combat ability that lasts almost long enough to justify the actions/resources spent on acquiring it, as compared to just hitting something a second time. Also offers in-game variety and entertainment in the form of RULES DEBATES.

Character Sheet: A collection of outdated, misremembered, and made-up information about a CHARACTER in print form. Usually maintained in at least two versions—one for the player’s private reference, and one to show the GM (compare to “double bookkeeping” in accounting). Canny GMs can spot the most accurate version by the number of Coke and Cheeto stains on the paper. However, modern technology has now given players the option to conceal their character sheet in electronic format so that the GM can never verify its information at all; the best solution is to add more MONSTERS to the ENCOUNTER.

Chosen One: A type of CHARACTER BACKGROUND that sounds great in theory and works well in books and movies, but can never succeed in a game. A very popular type of background for new PLAYERS or those still committed to ROLEPLAYING, despite its obvious drawbacks (http://bit.ly/dpZHzA).

Cover: A special type of armor that is available only to hostile NPCs and monsters, regardless of level and wealth. Divided into two types—“hard” (i.e., architecture) and “soft” (i.e., your allies).

Debuff: The penalty for attempting to put a BUFF on an ally, usually measured in attacks of opportunity.

Dice: The Wrath of God made manifest in tiny plastic form.

Dip: Casual insult for anyone who multiclasses.

Encounter: Euphemism for “combat.” In some instances, combat consists of one or two initial rounds of ROLEPLAY whose only effect is to ruin the surprise advantage.

Face: The party role assigned to convince hostile guards that the misfit mob of bloodthirsty strangers now approaching them, bristling with weapons and crackling with magic, is actually an innocuous cleaning crew. So named because it is the first body part chewed off by said guards.

Friendly Fire: The inevitable result of the immediate charge attack made by whoever rolled the highest initiative, thus ruining everyone else’s plans in the very first round of combat.

Rage Powers: An array of keen tactical advantages and cunning combat maneuvers available only to those warriors who are prone to running around naked, screaming, and trying to bite people. To reflect their strategic use, most rage powers involve excessive drinking.

Snowflake Syndrome: The desperate and eternally unmet desire to make your Drizzt clone stand out from all the other Drizzt clones by calling him “Drazzt” and giving him a pet leopard instead of a panther.

Wisdom: The ability to use good judgment, and thus considered a dump stat by all players regardless of character class.

[Lincoln Hills]

Orc: The most standard of all monsters. The orc is so generic, yet universally applicable, that it has gone on to produce innumerable spin-offs - urds, norkers, scro, kender, xvarts, etc. The orc's principle function in life is to stand in a dungeon staring blankly at the walls until adventurers come along, and - with any luck, and a good initiative check - get a chance to run at them screaming; then die. Although it might seem that natural selection would have done away with them by now, orcs prosper due to their ability to perform great deeds of savagery, plunder and conquest as long as they only fight NPCs.

[Lincoln Hills]

Potion: A performance-enhancing drug with no long-term side effects. Unsurprisingly, quite popular. Just Say No!

Victory: 1. Still having a few hit points left when the other side runs out. 2. Achieving freedom, revenge, fabulous wealth, sovereignty, and/or godhood and then electing to retire before your PC dies in some stupid, anticlimactic way. 3. Discovering proof that your position in a rules dispute was correct and forcing the person who held the opposite position (see straw man argument) to admit that he or she was wrong in front of the whole group; this is the gamer equivalent of an Oscar.

[Calybos1]

And let's not forget the various schools of magic:

Abjuration: A plea for mercy and protection from harm, offered as either a type of magic SPELL or GM BRIBE.

Conjuration: Using magic to create your own personal meat shield(s).

Divination: Cheating, as far as the GM is concerned.

Enchantment: Category of magic that offers ready-made excuses for misbehavior up to and including outright betrayal (see CHARM, DOMINATED). Its admissibility as a defense in LEGAL ISSUES is unclear.

Evocation: The “nuke” school of magical arts.

Illusion: Underlying explanation for anything that, at first, seems to work in the party’s favor—including the party’s own SPELLS.

Necromancy: The magical ability to bring something long dead and buried back to a horrific semblance of life to wreak terrible vengeance upon the living; this applies equally to corpses and forum topics.

Transmutation: The grab-bag category of magic SPELLS, enabling the caster to change the target’s size, shape, color, composition, attributes,combat abilities, and mode of travel. Unfortunately it has no effect on DICE.

[Vod Canockers]

BOLD: 1. Fearless and daring; courageous. 2. Something done to random words in this thread.

Soap: 1. Something often written down on characters sheets but never used. 2. A substance provided by hotels, but rarely used by gaming convention attendees.

Lysol: An air freshener used much by those that run gaming conventions.

Schools of Magic: A set of labels that spells are randomly assigned to.

ChFeats*: A group of abilities for characters invented in a vain attempt to make characters different. Much studied by min/maxers to make their murderhobo the most murderhoboous.

*The strike through is not an option on this board.

[Atarlost]

Longsword: 1) A one or two handed sword with a 100-120 cm blade that deals 1d8 damage.

Bastard Sword: A one or two handed sword intermediate in length between a longsword and shortsword that deals 1d10 damage.

Greatsword: A two handed sword with a 90-120 cm blade that deals 2d6 damage.

Shortsword: A sword shorter than a longsword that inexplicably lacks an edge.

Falchion: 1) A one handed cutting sword with the weight distributed towards the tip. 2) A two handed cutting sword that did not exist historically but deals 2d4 damage and crits a lot.

Morningstar: 1) A spiked mace. 2) A holy water sprinkler. 3) Venus. 4) Sirius. 5) Satan.

Godentag:: A weapon almost, but not quite, completely unlike a morningstar which once shared its stats but no longer exists.

Fauchard: A kind of polearm that fighters cannot train in.

Sickle: An agricultural tool costing 6 gold and weighing 2 pounds that deals 1d6 slashing damage and can be used to trip as a simple weapon. Druids can use this weapon, but monks cannot. See kama

Kama: A Japanese sickle that costs 33% as much as a normal sickle, but is otherwise identical. Monks can use this weapon, but druids cannot.

[Lincoln Hills]

(I don't see why so many people are unfamiliar with the 'bolded' appearance of fake hotlinks. It's a rare page I can print off the Internet that doesn't have a bolded phrase indicating a link.)

[Lincoln Hills]

Level: The most overused word in Pathfinder, thanks to the fact that thirty-five years ago, Gary Gygax was using his thesaurus to prop up the short leg of his couch. "Level" can - among other things - reflect the precise degree to which a particular spell will ruin the plot, the power and XP which an adventurer has accrued, the amount to which said adventurer has mastered the skills of a particular class, the relative scarcity or prevalence of magic items in a gameworld, the actual distance above or below the ground in a dungeon, the 'average party level' showing what sort of monsters the party should be able to overcome, the 'effective party level' showing what sort of (more powerful) monsters the party has actually been overcoming, and so on and so forth. In short, anything that's not measured in "points" or gold ends up measured in levels.

[Fromper]

Lincoln Hills wrote:

Level: The most overused word in Pathfinder, thanks to the fact that thirty-five years ago, Gary Gygax was using his thesaurus to prop up the short leg of his couch. "Level" can - among other things - reflect the precise degree to which a particular spell will ruin the plot, the power and XP which an adventurer has accrued, the amount to which said adventurer has mastered the skills of a particular class, the relative scarcity or prevalence of magic items in a gameworld, the actual distance above or below the ground in a dungeon, the 'average party level' showing what sort of monsters the party should be able to overcome, the 'effective party level' showing what sort of (more powerful) monsters the party has actually been overcoming, and so on and so forth. In short, anything that's not measured in "points" or gold ends up measured in levels.

http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0012.html

[Vod Canockers]

Lincoln Hills wrote:

Level: The most overused word in Pathfinder, thanks to the fact that thirty-five years ago, Gary Gygax was using his thesaurus to prop up the short leg of his couch. "Level" can - among other things - reflect the precise degree to which a particular spell will ruin the plot, the power and XP which an adventurer has accrued, the amount to which said adventurer has mastered the skills of a particular class, the relative scarcity or prevalence of magic items in a gameworld, the actual distance above or below the ground in a dungeon, the 'average party level' showing what sort of monsters the party should be able to overcome, the 'effective party level' showing what sort of (more powerful) monsters the party has actually been overcoming, and so on and so forth. In short, anything that's not measured in "points" or gold ends up measured in levels.

Level

[Sloanzilla]

Shield: A large metal or wooden object which presumably provides the wielder with a significant amount of protection from people trying to hit him or her with sharp objects in real life. Shields are universally ignored by murderhobos, who greatly prefer using two hands to try to kill things to one.

Half-Elf: A attractive if ineffective race typically ignored by the male regulars at the table, but very frequently selected by wives or girlfriends who are talked into gaming for an evening. See also: Druid, Bard.

[Lincoln Hills]

Combat Maneuver Defense: Your degree of defense against Three Stooges-style physical comedy. Surprisingly, but fittingly given how high Curly and Larry's CMD was, Wisdom and Intelligence have no effect on your CMD.

[Atarlost]

Monk: A class notable for being able to add their Wisdom to their Combat Maneuver Defense. They are, however, generally foolish enough to bring their bare fists to sword fights.

[PathlessBeth]

Lincoln Hills wrote:

Level: The most overused word in Pathfinder, thanks to the fact that thirty-five years ago, Gary Gygax was using his thesaurus to prop up the short leg of his couch. "Level" can - among other things - reflect the precise degree to which a particular spell will ruin the plot, the power and XP which an adventurer has accrued, the amount to which said adventurer has mastered the skills of a particular class, the relative scarcity or prevalence of magic items in a gameworld, the actual distance above or below the ground in a dungeon, the 'average party level' showing what sort of monsters the party should be able to overcome, the 'effective party level' showing what sort of (more powerful) monsters the party has actually been overcoming, and so on and so forth. In short, anything that's not measured in "points" or gold ends up measured in levels.

not sarcastic:

The funniest part is that there was an explanation in one of the AD&D books where Gygax explained that all of the uses of "level" had originally been other (non-identical) words in parts of the development process. Eventually, he took a bunch of game mechanics with different names and renamed them all "level".

Ability Score: A measure of one aspect of the natural power of a creature. Unlike Ability Modifiers, ability scores are actually meaningless and never consulted except to the extent that they help determine ability modifiers.

[Shifty]

Do we have these all compiled in any format yet? :p

[PathlessBeth]

Shifty wrote:

Do we have these all compiled in any format yet? :p

Compiled:

1. A way for publishers to sell additional sourcebooks, by collecting all previously-published rules of a certain type into one sourcebook and selling all the old stuff as if it was new. Such Compilations become obsolete within months as new sourcebooks with new rules are released.

2. Something old programmers had to do to their code before it would work. New programmers laugh in the faces of old programmers who still use languages which require compiling. Old programmers claim that the new programmers are, in fact, not actually Real Programmers.

[Shifty]

Format:

A way of publishers to repackage and sell old rope by simply rescaling fonts and swapping out artwork and calling it a new edition.

New Edition:

New dog, same fleas. Also, fodder for Edition wars and the Fanbois who fight them.

[Vod Canockers]

New Edition:

New Edition is an R&B group formed in Boston in 1978. The group reached its height of popularity during the 1980s

[Calybos1]

Shifty wrote:

Do we have these all compiled in any format yet? :p

We do now.

Google PDF

[Captain K.]

Oracle: A Murderhobo whose Superpowers come from severe and debilitating mental illness.

Barbarian: See Oracle.

[Ciaran Barnes]

Atarlost wrote:

Bastard Sword: A one or two handed sword intermediate in length between a longsword and shortsword that deals 1d10 damage.

I have always understood it's length to be between the longsword and greatsword - in gaming anyhow.

[Degoon Squad]

D4: A dice that when rolls off the table is lost until wife walk barefooted into Kitchen next morning.

[Fromper]

Degoon Squad wrote:

D4: A dice that when rolls off the table is lost until wife walk barefooted into Kitchen next morning.

See also: Caltrops

[Lincoln Hills]

Quest: A plot hook phrased in terms blatant enough that even PCs won't miss it. Often associated with a MacGuffin. The majority of quests turn out to be the lead-in for double-crosses, ambushes, and other tired old twists, which only increases the players' inclination to give up questing in favor of good old-fashioned murderhobo behavior.

[jasonfahy]

Vod Canockers wrote:

Lincoln Hills wrote:

Level: The most overused word in Pathfinder, thanks to the fact that thirty-five years ago, Gary Gygax was using his thesaurus to prop up the short leg of his couch. "Level" can - among other things - reflect the precise degree to which a particular spell will ruin the plot, the power and XP which an adventurer has accrued, the amount to which said adventurer has mastered the skills of a particular class, the relative scarcity or prevalence of magic items in a gameworld, the actual distance above or below the ground in a dungeon, the 'average party level' showing what sort of monsters the party should be able to overcome, the 'effective party level' showing what sort of (more powerful) monsters the party has actually been overcoming, and so on and so forth. In short, anything that's not measured in "points" or gold ends up measured in levels.

Level

There was a bit in the 1st Ed DMG about this - Gygax said that for a while they were using 'rank' for character level, 'order' for the levels of monsters and 'power' for the level of spells, reserving 'level' for how deep you were into a dungeon. They eventually decided that it sounded artificial, and lapsed back into using 'level' for everything.

[HaraldKlak]

Power Word Kill: 1) The pinnacle of magic, able to kill anyone, who die of the next full attack. 2) The longest word in the world, requiring nine pages of a spell book, yet is easily pronounced in 6 seconds.

Time Stop: 1) A spell you want to try, but never get to use. 2) A spell frequently used to stop the flow of the game, and remove the false illusion that our RPG is a cooporative event.

Circular Argument: A valid argument. Often used in internet discussion, making your statements true, since it is a Circular Argument.

[Backfromthedeadguy]

GM Controlled Character: A demigod sent down to adventure with lowly mortals (whether they want them there or not)whose sole purpose is to steal glory, and demonstrate the superiority of their sovereign lord-the GM. Angering the GM Controlled Character invites bad luck or even possible banishment from that plane of existence.

[Backfromthedeadguy]

Cataclysm-whenever a new edition comes along and a good excuse for the total revamping of how magic works is needed.

[Lincoln Hills]

d3: A virtual die that exists as a social contract. It is important to make clear to the GM whether you are of the 'One and Two are Ones' or 'One and Four are Ones' school of thought before your first d3 roll.

Haste: A mysterious spell, nearly universal to all wizards and sorcerors, that has dwindled greatly in power while remaining the same level.

Realism: A word which bears the same resemblance to 'reality' that the Colbertism 'truthiness' does to the concept of 'truth'. Usually referred to by a player who discovers that the RaW are preventing him/her from using his imagination.

[Tacticslion]

Dot. You guys can have that one for free.

[Petty Alchemy]

Calybos1 wrote:

Necromancy: The magical ability to bring something long dead and buried back to a horrific semblance of life to wreak terrible vengeance upon the living; this applies equally to corpses and forum topics.

[Captain K.]

Did you wait four months just to make that gag?

Bravo.

[Lincoln Hills]

Leader: 1. A person selected to synergize the efforts of his or her team, provide direction and create a sense of teamwork. 2. The loudest player. 3. The first character in line (not counting the rogue.) 4. The one to blame.

Nonlethal: A subset of damage with specialized rules. Often used to justify Good characters doing unbelievably callous, brutal, and/or hilarious things to NPCs. Oddly enough, in sufficient quantities, it is lethal.

Use Magic Device: 1. A trick that leads low-level characters to waste valuable skill points in order to waste valuable actions by wasting valuable charges. 2. A trick that allows high-level characters to use abilities ordinarily forbidden to their class in exchange for a modest fee.

Trap: 1. A dungeon feature, usually immobile and inanimate, that is either a minor annoyance or a sudden and anticlimactic form of death. 2. A class feature or feat that looked good on paper but turns out to be about as useful as your ranks in Profession (submariner).

[Murderhobo 2.0]

Pageant of the Peacock:Proof that in Golarion, skating through life on good looks and charm will bring you more Knowledge then spending years and years Unlocking unlimited Arcane power.

Knowledge:A skill check used so that a player doesn't feel like he or she is Metagaming even if they fail.

Unlocking:A tedious mechanic covered by the Disable Device rules, that applies to locks and traps, and supposedly is the justification for the Rogue. Best done by a Barbarian's Greataxe.

Arcane:A way to keep Squishies and Tanks separated from each other in terms of AC, a type of Magic, and a way to differentiate between the Cleric and the Wizard.

Tank:A term for the character with the most hit points, who is supposed to feel like an incredibly bad@$$ warrior because the BBEG can't hit you while in reality, is merely a way to keep the BBEG from killing the Squishy until the Squishy kills the BBEG.

Squishy:A term for the character who has low HP, low AC, and ultimately the best defense in the game, along with the ability to rip apart reality by saying "Garsablestren" and waving his hands around.

AC:A defense mechanism that makes someone with a high AC feel like he has the best defenses, whilst also proving said person has the worst defenses.

BBEG:The boss at the End of the Campaign that is supposed to make sure the PC's Min-Maxed their characters as much as possible, and still kill them so the GM can have fun too.

End of the Campaign:When the GM is tired of GMing the game, and springs the BBEG on them about 8 or 8 levels too soon.

Min-Maxed:An internet term, which actually means a PC who is mechanically optimal, but is used to imply the person making the PC is a Powergaming Munchkin who can't Roleplay.

Necromancy:What I just did to this thread.

4E Fallacy:The theory that any and all results to Balance the game or reduce the Martial-Caster Disparity will result in creating a game that many will not want to play.

Note:

This is, for those who don't know what this thread is for, largely sarcasm based off of observations on these forums and in-game.

[Mechagamera]

Nuanced: a PC that is Neutral Evil, but whose player doesn't want to admit it.

[Azraiel]

Status Effect: The method by which a spellcaster slightly increases the amount of enjoyment they are experiencing at the expense of all of the victim's enjoyment. See also: Funpire, Nap Time, Smoko, and Strategic Fun Redistribution (SFD).

True Neutral: An individual prone to perching upon fences, also known to engage in erratic and irrational behaviour because they are "above your petty morality", see also: Neutral Evil.

Cohort: See Slave.

Paladin: A noble champion of justice and the common good, imbued with the power to oppose evil. Powers may be instantly revoked without appeal if the Paladin succumbs to evil, neutrality, nonlawful goodness, or any action that offends the political philosophy of the GM.

Munchkin: An individual who, as an equal partner in the adventuring party, constantly strives to be the most equal of the group.

Scrub: An experienced gamer who plays at a beginner level as a matter of choice/pride, as higher levels of skill are Dishonorable.

Powergamer: Anyone better at playing the game according to the Rules As Written than a scrub.

Dragon, True: See Gigantic Sentient Flying Lizard Wizards.

Greatsword: The only melee weapon known to exist. See Two-Handed Power Attack.

Charisma: An attribute that, if high, is used to remind the DM that people are supposed to be positively predisposed towards your character. No matter how high, the Charisma attribute will not make your character any more liked by NPC's than the worst member of your adventuring party.

[Braingamer]

Two-Handed Power Attack: A melee-ranged, AC-targeting cantrip, requiring a greatsword as a focus component, that may be cast only by barbarians (and lesser barbarians, cf. fighter). Martials claim the sole purpose of casters is to increase the amount and effectiveness of these. Primarily used to kill everything after the casters have won the fight (see conditions).