Have a Hello Kitty/My Little Pony crossover mystery about who stole the cupcakes.I would totally play in this campaign.
So would I!!
tend to find that most of the time doing a one on one game for new players tends to be both a good and bad thing. It does give them a small sample of how it works, but at the same time it gives them, in a lot of ways, the wrong sample of how the game plays, teaching them that the DM will go easy on them from the start
Yeah well... I was teaching a friend to play D&D back in the 3.0 days and ran a game for him one on one. He was dead within a couple hours of starting.
How was I supposed to know he would roll amazing on his Survival check at level 1 multiple times in a row to be able to track some gnolls all the way back to their mountain cave den.
And he would roll really well on stealth. Well enough to get him all the way to the den entrance without anything noticing him.
Then he would want explore into the cave.
And he would continue to roll well on stealth to get him all the way in the tunnels up to the point where his low-light vision finally would stop working and he couldn't see any deeper in.
And then he wanted to light a torch.
Alone. At level 1.
In the middle of the gnoll den.
Sigh...
I always have a little combat "simulation" with new players before starting any sort of story to teach them the basic mechanics of rounds and actions. When to roll which dice etc. Just the other day i quickly threw together a few encounters of varying difficulty and spread them through the beginner box dungeon. That also helps teaching them the "groove" of beginning and ending combat.
|
Have a Hello Kitty/My Little Pony crossover mystery about who stole the cupcakes.
What you need is PONYFINDER !!!
Read it (links through the Xs) and weep (or smile, or laugh, or rage, anything remotely emotional applies).
| 8 people marked this as a favorite. |
Late to this because I was at a con, but
This includes
LET HER PICK HER OWN CLASS.
Character creation is a GREAT way to learn a system, for anyone. It is a way of focusing learning the rules you need to learn first for playing your character. While a GM can sit with a new player and guide them through the process, the player absolutely positively needs to be person in the driver's seat, with the pencil and paper, and making the choices.
If you want to get gender specifics into it, understanding the caveat that individual preferences vary widely, women psychologically typically are more "character oriented" in the stories they enjoy--they find a character they relate to, and then get into it that way. If you take away the agency to create the character, you're also in fact taking away the exact, best gateway to get a (typical) woman (and most people) interested in the system.
She should read through the core rulebook on her own, focusing on the races and class section, and then come to you with what she wants to play. If she's not sure, ask her some guiding questions about the kind of character she'd be interested in playing, have her write down some notes about her ideal character concept, and then pick out a race, class, fighting style, etc. from there.
If she is an ordinary, intelligent, creative adult, she should not need a lot of hand holding. And she should be treated as an ordinary, intelligent, creative adult, and like any other player, should be fully holding the reins of her PC from creation to gameplay.
Now, if she picks some really insanely complicated character concept, then you can say, "Do you understand this is an insanely complicated character concept?" But it should still be up to her to decide to go toward it or not.
I also agree with the advice that running a combat simulation one on one is a good idea (good idea for any new player), but also that she (like any new player) should be dropped into a full on campaign (even a brief one) with other players after the basic, brief tutorial.
When I have seen the gamer-boyfriend-tries-to-teach-non-gamer-girlfriend-RPGs scenario before, AND it is where the gamer boyfriend tries to control what character she creates (or creates the character entirely for her) and just does things one on one and she is told every step of the way what she SHOULD do rather than what she WANTS to do, one of two things happens: 1) Girl becomes disinterested because she is not allowed to do anything she wants and is put off by being treated like a child, and decides gaming and gamers are a terrible thing, or 2) Girl enjoys the handholding and special snowflake treatment--but as an opportunity to explore relationship with guy and NOT to engage in the hobby--and as soon as is brought into a campaign with other players, becomes the hated "GM's girlfriend" stereotype who expects her character to be given special treatment and doesn't have interest in playing with anyone else, just thinks of the RPG as part of their "relationship time."
I realize OP may not be doing everything I describe, and probably is not doing everything I describe, but I've seen this kind of discussion often enough that I want to post a general friendly warning.
| 3 people marked this as a favorite. |
Girlfriendly? Seriously?
Just do a regular game, stop thinking of her as someone different or too dumb or sensible or whatever to enjoy regular story.
I play with Girls All the time (including my wife), I even DMed an ALL girls game once, being the only guy and DMing them.
I never, ever made the story different for them and they always enjoyed it a lot.
That's a seriously embarassing question.
If your question was: Game for a beginner, then fine, but girlfriendly? That's just dumb to ask.
|
Just as a joke. I think gamers would find more synergy with a cross over of my little pony with Bella Sarah.
For any new player:
I agree that showing a picture of each iconic and giving a little info on each class would be very good for beginners. I would say skip deciding on ability sores and race until after choosing class. Explain the class is what most determines what a character is good and poor at. Thus picking it first is best, then suggest several races and ability scores that would compliment that class. Make sure a new player knows they are the final authority on how it us chosen and they can still try an unorthodox approach if they want.
I think the toughness and combat ability of a full bab martial gives players a better chance at both survival and effectiveness at low levels ans thus can better hook new players compared to the 3/4 bab classes more prone to fail an attack action or contribute negligent damage. The 1/2 bab classes require tough resource management or the feeling of being a one trickpony. Share this advice but make sure they know they still have final authority to choos
You might want to blatantly tell, players need to check their ego at the door. The game has so much to learn, even exp players learn new stuff on a regular basis. I find too many people cannot accept being corrected in front of other people on a regular basis. I wish I had more. players who are not afraid to ask questions and accept corrections.
Inform them it is a game where how much time and effort you put into it outside the mutual group time can lead to substantial character disparity. They may have to choose between: keeping up; asking for and considering advice , or accepting some players/characters might shine brighter than others.
When I see a new player using his psp/gameboy/IOS game, I tell them, if you don't want to pay attention to the table top, to observe, analyse, and learn from exp, you may want to reconsider taking a spot at our table. Exceptions for stuff like when the characters are split for stuff like faction missions/personal quests, and try to get the exp players to set a good example and not play those games at that time either.
This includes
LET HER PICK HER OWN CLASS.
This is kind of important, yeah. My first game, the GM shoehorned me into a half-orc barbarian because he saw it as the simplest race/class to start with (he taught me how to rage, showed me how to calculate my power attack and roll to hit and damage with my greataxe, and that was about it). I had REALLY wanted to make a druid, but wasn't allowed to (whereas the three new male players were allowed to make the sorcerer, rogue, and paladin they'd wanted), and while I did enjoy my barbarian (and I was the only one who got out alive, so ha!), the fact that I was forced to play her still sits sourly on my memory of that game.
I try to discourage wizards with new players regardless of who the player is, and I say no to things like the gunslinger to everyone in games with newbies to make it fair to the newbie. Other than that, pretty much whatever they want is fine.
...And generally, I find the average newbie who I leave free to make whatever they want tends to go core with both races and classes for their first time anyways. The most recent one-shot I ran had three out of four being new players; they decided themselves on an elven ranger, dwarven fighter, and dwarven sorcerer with no prodding necessary (which were then rounded out by an aasimar cleric from my experienced player).
Discourage NOTHING!
The choices they make are their choices. RESPECT THEM!
The job of the GM is to insure informed choice and an even playing field.
Allow them to release the awesum in there own way :)
Tell her that when she wears full plate, she gets a full suit of plated armor, not just a single g-string.
That usually appeases them.
Removed a post. Let's try and keep the blatant stereotyping/sexism out of it, please.I don't know what you removed (nor do I wish to discuss the reasons for it) but I wanted to say one thing on the subject of male/female role playing game contributes: if there were an equal number of female players to male players there would be NO gender discussions
Actually, that's far too optimistic. Gender roles are unfortunately trained into us by society as a whole, with differing levels of intensity based on your upbringing (religion, region, family background, etc.). Until society backs off on the whole gender role enforcement, we'll always see these kinds of discussions, regardless of whether there are equal numbers of any given group.
My overall suggestion is to focus on the individuals as much as possible instead of any generalizations. Start by asking each person what kinds of things they like and steer them to appropriate resources. Never assume anything.
If you do need to look at generalizations (for example, planning large events tailored to different audiences), generalize by experience and choices: how much someone has played the game is far more relevant than their gender, race, creed, etc. For example, "How do we include people who enjoy romance fiction" is a question that can be answered much more easily than "How do we include more females", and you have the added benefit of not pissing off those females who happen to loathe romance fiction for whatever reason.
The only useful discussion about stereotyping that I've seen is "What harmful or exclusionary stereotypes are promoted by society currently, and what can we do to avoid falling into those traps?" If you can't think of any harmful stereotypes about any particular group, you're probably better off sitting back and listening to the rest of the conversation.
That's my 2 cents based on a lifetime of listening to this exact conversation, from multiple sides.
Discourage NOTHING!
The choices they make are their choices. RESPECT THEM!
The job of the GM is to insure informed choice and an even playing field.
Allow them to release the awesum in there own way :)
When I say 'discourage' I don't mean disallow. ;)
I discourage wizards because I tend to start newbies at low levels, and I tend to see wizards that are (on average) tough to have fun with at low levels unless built by someone who really knows how to handle a wizard.
If someone new really wants to play a wizard, then by all means they're allowed. I may not think it's a good idea, but it's certainly not my place to tell them "no you can't play this because you're new". If that's the route they go then while it may be harder for me, I do my best to ensure they have fun.
|
Discourage NOTHING!
The choices they make are their choices. RESPECT THEM!
The job of the GM is to insure informed choice and an even playing field.
Allow them to release the awesum in there own way :)When I say 'discourage' I don't mean disallow. ;)
I discourage wizards because I tend to start newbies at low levels, and I tend to see wizards that are (on average) tough to have fun with at low levels unless built by someone who really knows how to handle a wizard.
If someone new really wants to play a wizard, then by all means they're allowed. I may not think it's a good idea, but it's certainly not my place to tell them "no you can't play this because you're new". If that's the route they go then while it may be harder for me, I do my best to ensure they have fun.
I have taught many players how to play the game. I never let beginners, male or female, play prepared casters for their first character. Like your first GM, I would not have allowed you to play a Druid. I would have helped you to reskin a sorcerer to be more druidic, but I would not have allowed an animal companion.
It boils down to a question of complexity. I encourage first-time players to play mechanically simple characters, so they can focus more on learning the general rules and enjoying the non-mechanical aspects of the game.
After a couple game sessions, I give the players (even experienced players) the option to change their characters as much or as little as they want, a la PFS. At this point, the beginners can play prepared casters if they want, though I still encourage spontaneous casters for their ease of play.
I also explain to first-time players that the first character they make is only meant to be used to teach them the game, and that they will be able to play other classes as they gain proficiency with the rules.
|
Have a Hello Kitty/My Little Pony crossover mystery about who stole the cupcakes.
Or just don't treat your girlfriend any differently than you would any OTHER new player just trying to get into RPGs.
Steer her into one of the classes that doesn't require a lot of system mastery to be good.
Bards, Rangers, Fighters, Barbarians, Heal/Buff Clerics, etc. Keep her away from Rogues (it won't be her fault when she sucks with one) and Wizards (they're a bit complex for a complete newbie).
Have some other fairly new players around.
When a new player expresses the desire to be a spell caster, I always push them in the direction of Sorcerer/Oracle. Just by restricting the spell list to a limited subset they don't get bogged down in the need to pick the right spell for the day, or the right mix. They learn and master their spells known, and once a level have to delve into the horror of the 3 billion spells from which choose a new one.
Also to reiterate the key message, a new player is a new player, treat them in a gender agnostic way. As with any new player, trying to sculpt the experience to engage the individual can be beneficial (so long as it isn't to the detriment of the party.) i.e. making said persons character a demigod and the focus of the story detracts from everyone else.
More often then not PFS modules are a great place to start, when my wife first started playing, what she primarily lacked was the background knowledge in the campaign setting, so following the convoluted threads that we had built and the in jokes we had was off putting. The PFS modules are by design intended to indoctrinate people (in a good way) into Pathfinder. The importance of the meta plots and campaign background always take a backseat to the mission, and the mission and its objectives are rarely ambiguous.
I guess a final thought, something I've picked up from running games at cons, as it hasn't been an issue at home games, is as a GM you have a limited amount of authority of the decorum and behaviour of the table, and so you should do what you can to make the space safe from harassing or sexist speech or action. That doesn't mean the game content can't be about mature subjects, just that they should be approached in a mature way.
|
|
Discourage NOTHING!
The choices they make are their choices. RESPECT THEM!
The job of the GM is to insure informed choice and an even playing field.
Allow them to release the awesum in there own way :)
I'd actually disagree, as the impediment of system complexity and mastery prevents more awesome from being released then lack of choice. Still it is about assisting them in making a good choice, then not giving them the choice. So with a new player the conversation usually goes like this:
GM: "What kind of character do you want to play?"
Player: "Mmmm I was thinking something like Gandolf, or maybe Tim the Enchanter, I really would like to blow stuff up"
GM: "Sounds like you might want to play a class who is an arcane spell caster. Arcane spells are the ones that you more traditionally associate with famous wizards in fiction. Since it sounds like that is the primary focus of your character, I'd recommend a sorcerer, as a sorcerer you get to pick where your magic comes from, I'd recommend you look at (2-3 different blood lines and either open the book to the first one, or email a couple URLs to the PRD with explanations like) the Elemental Fire bloodline where the power of fire burns in your soul and flies from your fingers to smite your foes."
...
So instead of dropping the core rule book in their lap and saying "go to" I work with them through a character concept and try to find rules that. If there is more then one way it could go: Player: "I'd like to play a pirate." Then I would maybe suggested "A fighter, or a rogue" and point them at several key feat trees.
The key being that while choice is integral to the game, for many new players drowning them in the choice the first time the play isn't going to help them learn, and it isn't going to help them with rule 0.
|
|
| 2 people marked this as a favorite. |
Unless you are dating a 12 year old, you've already started off wrong with asking for "Girl" friendly.
And unless the internet knows the person you are dating better than you, you've also come to the wrong place for advice. And if the internet does know her better...
How about you write something the person you are apparently dating would like to play, because...you know...she is a person and not a stereotype.
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
I see a lot of suggestions here that geared toward 12 year old girls.
The 12 year old girls I know play Minecraft and Call of Duty, they cheer when Legolas cuts loose on Orcs and make comments like "I used to be an Orc warrior, till I took an arrow IN THE FACE" when he does so. They play Skyrim and bust heads.
Tweenage girls aren't Strawberry Shortcake!
|
|
I've introduced many players (male and female) to Pathfinder over the years. System mastery is entirely dependent on player interest, but here's my basic rundown.
For a first taste I run a beginner box style game (even if you don't have a beginner box, a simple dungeon with 6 rooms (4 combat, 1 role-play and 1 puzzle) with a bunch of pregens to choose from. This is just a first taste game to familiarize the player with the concepts. I have best success with a group that's half new players and half experienced players so they can help each other out/congratulate each other on jobs well done.
After that if players are interested in a campaign, the next thing to do is to decide on the campaign. The following I've found to be very new player friendly:
Rise of the Runelords (Low on Subsystems, great story)
Jade Regent (Remove caravan subsystem and you have a great story based game)
Shattered Star (No subsystems, and very simple in terms of choices)
Let them read through the player's guide and then have the group work together on their characters and their interconnections. That way you START with a cohesive group with connected backstories and it makes sense that they'd adventure together.
Then walk the players through character creation step-by-step: Race and Class, Ability Scores, BaB, Saves and Skills, Feats and Features. Then let the magic go from there.
Looks good DMAKADM
So, I just had my GF play her first game, ever.
We decided to treat her as a new player, and not a new girl player.
It worked well.
We decided to go beginner box, and that worked well too.
She decided to go with Amiri, and smash enemies.
A lotta women will surprise you...barbarian seems to be a popular class, out of the girl gamers I've known...and they tend to play pretty hardcore, too!
My brother's wife's first character I remember was a Bbn...pretty wicked...and had the hobby of knitting. (yeah...well, hey. *shrug*)
My girlfriend's actually playing a barbarian in a game I am DMing at the moment. Before that she's played a rogue and a paladin.
She liked smashing/beheading things XD
On the flipside, my last GM's girlfriend situation the girlfriend always played support. Clerics of Shelyn and ditzy rogues and oracles. The one before that was given a barbarian, and her sister also played a barbarian for simplicity.
Personally, I date witches and wizards. The thing is that everyone plays their own thing, but something are harder for beginners. Some people are up for the challenge because that's what they have fun with.
any advice on introducing a player (who happens to be my girlfriend), who doesn't feel secure about being ABLE to play the game? She plays stuff like Skyrim nearly excessively, and has a much better memory than she admits to. She has considered a solo campaign with me (non-negotiable, she's too embarrassed to play in front of other people yet), but needs a push. If you guys could give me sound advice on how to run it, I think I could talk her into it.
|
|
| 1 person marked this as a favorite. |
Don't think Girly. There is no such thing.
You have to tailor the game to the group...in this case solo. So what you need to think about is what she likes. Weave adventures around what she likes and what she is playing.
That's it.
Let her make a character. it will definitely help her get excited about it.
Start low level. 2nd level is good for a solo game. never higher than 4th since so many extra abilities are tacked on.
As for running the game...
Give hints in the form of "make a wisdom roll, great, you remember that barkskin will make you tougher, or you remember that the healing potion will help before you attack that ogre". I just accept that new people will not get all the bits and pieces right out the gate so give hints. killing your girl's character right off is definitely a bad idea. if it goes completely bad when she goes below 0 HP just have her black out and wake up in the enemies camp. usually i give new players a few sessions to get their feet wet before putting them in situations that will lead to immediate death.
I've run hundreds of solo games and they can be just as fun if you make them that way. Just means adding a NPC to make it interesting. Either as the tank to help out or comic relief. Just make sure they don't overshadow the player. Making the NPC both tends to do that.
any advice on introducing a player (who happens to be my girlfriend), who doesn't feel secure about being ABLE to play the game? She plays stuff like Skyrim nearly excessively, and has a much better memory than she admits to. She has considered a solo campaign with me (non-negotiable, she's too embarrassed to play in front of other people yet), but needs a push. If you guys could give me sound advice on how to run it, I think I could talk her into it.
Run a tabletop version of Skyrim using something based on its game mechanics. That might be a bit much for you though if you aren't good with coming up with a system.
But really... okay, what are her specific concerns about being able to play the system? What is making her feel daunted when she can eat (often actually more complicated) video game mechanics right up? Really try to draw out the specifics -- is it adding modifiers? Is it keeping track of which die does what? Is it tracking uses of abilities per day without the computer doing it for you? What? Really try to get at the core of it, then show her ways around---if she really is interest in otherwise learning the game--the issues.
The other thing would be to consider finding some very rules-light systems and run those first, then transfer to a more complex game like Pathfinder. Frex, Cubicle 7's Doctor Who RPG has a lovely simple system -- all d6s, add attribute + skill, very roleplaying oriented.
And back to the first suggestion--maybe you can't make a Skyrim RPG, but do incorporate stuff from games she enjoys and is familiar with into your game. It might make her realize she's been, essentially, been playing RPGs all along (after all, she has), just without the cooperative being with real people elements. And then talk about why the latter makes things even better. "But in this game, you could talk the guard into adventuring again in spite of his knee injury!"
I'd say start with asking her what sort of game she'd like to play - i.e. classic fantasy, something oriental or arabian nights-ish, more combat vs more social interaction and so on. Then ask her what sort of character she'd like to play, and build on that.
IMO there's not really "not able to play the game". I've run an adventure with people who didn't get in the mood much and weren't very clear on how the rules worked for their own abilities, never mind anything else. That was my job. In the end, we had fun, so it worked. Let her calm down and look for hints what sort of game she wants it to be, and have it be that sort of game. Well, okay, have the kid's gloves at first, but you can probably structure the beginning as a sort of tutorial - a "growing of age" quest, an initiation ceremony, or something like that. Have her make (simple) ability or skill checks for various hints she could use.
So, tell us how it went and stuff.
Some of the conventions of fantasy RPGs have been around so long, that experienced players have stopped thinking about them. Some of these can not just be confusing, but seem insulting to new players not used to them.
Consider the cliché adventure plot of rescuing the princess. If the players were rushing off to rescue a prince before he is forced to marry the evil wizard, would it feel a little silly?
Generally, women in the real-life Middle Ages were treated horribly. Some players and GMs, whether they are aware of it or not, continue to do so in the name of pursuing realism. But realism does not always mean the same thing as fun. Keep in mind there is a reason such attitudes belong in the past. If your plot involves orcs raping women in the village they attacked as a matter of course, it would seem callous to be more concerned with recovering a stolen artifact than punishing or preventing such a heinous crime.
|
Late to this because I was at a con, but
This includes
LET HER PICK HER OWN CLASS.
Character creation is a GREAT way to learn a system, for anyone. It is a way of focusing learning the rules you need to learn first for playing your character. While a GM can sit with a new player and guide them through the process, the player absolutely positively needs to be person in the driver's seat, with the pencil and paper, and making the choices.
If you want to get gender specifics into it, understanding the caveat that individual preferences vary widely, women psychologically typically are more "character oriented" in the stories they enjoy--they find a character they relate to, and then get into it that way. If you take away the agency to create the character, you're also in fact taking away the exact, best gateway to get a (typical) woman (and most people) interested in the system.
She should read through the core rulebook on her own, focusing on the races and class section, and then come to you with what she wants to play. If she's not sure, ask her some guiding questions about the kind of character she'd be interested in playing, have her write down some notes about her ideal character concept, and then pick out a race, class, fighting style, etc. from there.
If she is an ordinary, intelligent, creative adult, she should not need a lot of hand holding. And she should be treated as an ordinary, intelligent, creative adult, and like any other player, should be fully holding the reins of her PC from creation to gameplay.
Now, if she picks some really insanely complicated character concept, then you can say, "Do you understand this is an insanely complicated character concept?" But it should still be up to her to decide to go toward it or not.
I also agree with the advice that running a combat simulation one on one is a good idea (good idea for any new player), but also that she (like any...
Oh, Deatquaker, how right you are!
I happen to be a woman who loves role play...but happens to love tactics more. I am super combat oriented, both as a player and GM. I'm trying to spend as much time on my role play this time around as I do on combat prepping to GM this week. Hopefully it'll be fun! :)
One suggestion I would offer would be to get somebody else to DM if at all possible. Being the DM's girlfriend could make the game more awkward for her than it has to be. If you are a fellow player rather than the DM, that hurdle at least is eliminated.
|
I can't believe what I'm hearing about a newbie wanting to play a spellcaster but being pushed toward Sorcerer/Oracle, or being discouraged altogether.
When I first started, the GM I was with told me the differences between Sorcerer and Wizard, and let me choose. I felt informed and never struggled after I made my choice - of Wizard. Getting used to only a few spells per day forced me to be creative, and that's what got me started loving the game.
Don't discourage anything. Just explain how it works.
This is how I introduced my girl to Pathfinder. She doesn't like it because she isn't the gaming type, but she doesn't hate it.
First of all. Ask her what she wants to be. she wants spell-cast? Give her options of sorcerer, oracle, wizard, witch. Let her know what she is looking at and let her choose.
Second, keep the stats brief. Less numbers and words are better. So let her know briefly what the stats means, tell her what stats would work better for her on her character's class. But don't stop her if she wants STR for her sorcerer, her can have what she wants.
After you got all the paper work done. Introduce her to something new, fresh and nice. Don't start off in a bloody battle field and she was the only one left. No... Not the good old tavern neither. It's always good to start off as a goal her character wants to reach, and the city she starts in is the beginning of her reaching that goal. Let her start off in a street and have NPC selling their goods to her that she might need because she wouldn't know that she can shop.
Then introduce her to few more skill checks before getting into combat. Give her a funny easy one, a bar fight is always good because you can always have someone stop the fight when things got ugly.
When she doesn't know what to do, give her a int roll or some sort to think of ideas. Don't let her get stuck, and don't let her get bored. Make her see she can do anything she likes if that's what her character like to do. Once she got comfortable, then you can throw the dangerous things at her.
The fact that this thread exists makes me kind of lose hope in humanity...
The many good answers made me regain it.
As others have said, stating her gender says nothing about her likes or dislikes in terms of adventure and/or characters.
What IS different though, is that she (if she reads as female) probably have experience of a lot of sexism. Make sure to keep those things away from the table, and be very careful about representations of gendered violence such as sexual assaults etc.
Of course, that should be the standard when it comes to ANY game group (and any social convention at all) whether there are women around or not, but seeing as how some roleplaying groups are very dude-ish it was worth pointing out.
Males experience sexism as well.
Depending on definitions that can be very true, but gaming groups don't usually have much problems with that (well, if all men are cis, hetero, and masculine that is). The sexism that men can experience are usually accepted and encouraged by a male gaming group (such as enforcing masculine traits etc), which of course is a problem by itself but isn't affected remarably by someone who reads as female joining.
We've had larger issues with sexist behaviour against a male player excactly once in our group, with another male player shaming him for being feminine. The situation wasn't solvable by less than refusing to play with that player. Unfortunate, but we value a safe environment.
OK, this is a solid, relevant point that I'm sad I didn't think of myself. The GM's role (providing challenges) is often adversarial, and there's a possibility that the partner in a relationship will accidentally read some real-life subtext into that. This potential exists regardless of the genders involved; you have to take into account both your own psychology and your GF's to decide if you're both able to keep game events strictly segregated from your actual relationship. If there's any doubt, play it safe and be a fellow-player instead. However remote the risk, it would be foolish to let some hobgoblin's critical hit lead to a relationship problem.One suggestion I would offer would be to get somebody else to DM if at all possible. Being the DM's girlfriend could make the game more awkward for her than it has to be. If you are a fellow player rather than the DM, that hurdle at least is eliminated.
On the other hand don't be like my last GM and give your girlfriend infinite rerolls. Communication is important in any relationship, girlfriend or no. Taking things out at the table never ends well.
Most people have said most of the things I wanted to say, so I'll stick to these things:
Be especially careful not to treat your girlfriend differently than the others. As a DM this is really hard, because, as people mentioned, there's sort of an antagonistic relationship between player and GM. But understand this much: If you treat your gf differently in game, the other players may notice, and even if they do it without at all meaning to, there's a chance they'll respond with some antagonism as well. Your girlfriend will quite possibly want to play the game as a group experience as well as a girlfriend/boyfriend experience, and if she doesn't have fun with the entire group it will be a miserable experience.
Two solutions I can think of (which you can consider and ignore, really): Don't GM. Theme your character with hers. Consider avoiding your real life dynamic. I'm in 2 campaigns with my girlfriend now. In one of them, we both play halflings. I'm a paladin and she's an evil ranger who takes advantage of my trusting nature to sell my things. (DM agreed to not take my powers for this). It's been loads of fun.
The other solution is just to be sort of light on everyone as DM. This is my "solution" to the other game, where I DM (honestly, it just happens to be my style all the time). I'm running Serpent's Skull (maybe a bad idea) with 4 beginners (more beginners is also a good idea for running a new player), and sort of being a forgiving DM in general has really helped me not have to be antagonistic and let the character aspect really shine through.
What people aren't really talking about: Because this is a girlfriend/boyfriend, this IS a different sort of game. You want it to work well because you really want that person to be happy. A regular new player not want to play the game? Whatever, you know? But a significant other will bring all sorts of pressures because you really, really want them to have fun.
The real trick is not to let that influence your style. Play how you would anything, hope for the best!
|
|
Males experience sexism as well.Depending on definitions that can be very true, but gaming groups don't usually have much problems with that (well, if all men are cis, hetero, and masculine that is). The sexism that men can experience are usually accepted and encouraged by a male gaming group (such as enforcing masculine traits etc), which of course is a problem by itself but isn't affected remarably by someone who reads as female joining.
We've had larger issues with sexist behaviour against a male player excactly once in our group, with another male player shaming him for being feminine. The situation wasn't solvable by less than refusing to play with that player. Unfortunate, but we value a safe environment.
I don't think we have had similar experiences.
Most of my groups are very full of players from many walks of life.Different colors, preferences, wealth, and sexes.
We occasionally get a player who pulls out something bigoted, but it's usually quite rare, and dealt with quickly. I have noticed that many don't have a clue they are being that way, or doing anything wrong, until pointed out. This seems more common when it comes from a female.
As a society, we seem to almost expect bigotry to come from the male, especially the Caucasian male, so when it comes from someone else, we have hard time accepting that it even happened. We treat it different, even if deny it, or try not to.
My point is: some see sexism as a male vs female only thing.
This is not true.
|
|
OK, this is a solid, relevant point that I'm sad I didn't think of myself. The GM's role (providing challenges) is often adversarial, and there's a possibility that the partner in a relationship will accidentally read some real-life subtext into that. This potential exists regardless of the genders involved; you have to take into account both your own psychology and your GF's to decide if you're both able to keep game events strictly segregated from your actual relationship. If there's any doubt, play it safe and be a fellow-player instead. However remote the risk, it would be foolish to let some hobgoblin's critical hit lead to a relationship problem.One suggestion I would offer would be to get somebody else to DM if at all possible. Being the DM's girlfriend could make the game more awkward for her than it has to be. If you are a fellow player rather than the DM, that hurdle at least is eliminated.
I have two friends who are married. One GMs the other and really there is no bad blood. But... it depends on your GMing style and how she responds to the adventure. I never felt when playing with them that she had an unfair advantage. Hell if she did we'd just put her in front so we all benefit. Honestly I would just run it like any other solo game I ever ran. As she is your girlfriend you have a distinct advantage in that you'll know what she likes and can weave it into the game. The rest can be adjusted as you go, but that is the same with any group
BTW, it looks like we've lost the OP. His posting history shows he's still here on the boards, but I don't think he's checking this thread any more.
I am not saying that a married couple can't work as DM and player -- but it is tough if neither one is experienced with the game. One of my best DMs invited me into a game where one of the other players was his wife -- and I saw no signs of any of the common problems in that situation. Her only advantage was a marginally greater familiarity with the rules (no surprise, since the DM was the author of the game).
I haven't read through the entire thread, but...
A) Do some one-on-one with her in private before the main game starts with other people. This will let her stop the game, ask questions, clarify things in her head, and get an idea for how the game works. It also takes the pressure off her to not 'hold up' the game, since it's only her. This is something to do for new players regardless of gender.
B) I suggest a Reincarnating druid as a class, and start at level 5. This is a spellcaster, so a bit more complicated than most, but, she has to worry about death a lot less. Just help her build a character that doesn't depend on it's racial physical stats (since they'll change, so no combat reflexes unless she can handle a -4 to dex due to racial changes).
