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Aranna hit on something that is frequently on my mind and that's the social stigma of playing tabletop RPGs.
Lamontia and I both played RPGs in our youth but didn't return to the hobby until just a little under a year ago.
We dabbled...and found we greatly enjoyed it.
As we realized we were becoming more and more enthusiastic about our shared hobby, we decided that in no way, shape or form were we going to hide it or be evasive to our non-rpg friends about what we do.
It's been a bit strange at times because, with the exception of Lamontia's brother who plays in our home game with us, virtually none of our pre-RPG friends and family are gamers.
That being said, I GM'd a game by request for Lamontia's sister, my brother-in-law, mother-in-law, my niece and my nephew. They all had a blast, but that has certainly been the exception when it comes to our non-rpg friends/family, not the rule.
Now, I'll admit, Lamontia and I are very happily married, live in a great place, have successful careers and lead active lifestyles. Our friends/family are great and we have gotten very few negative reactions from any of them when the subject of our hobby has come up.
Still, I'm very aware and focused on the issue. I very much enjoy representing my hobby to those who are unfamiliar with it. But the joy of growing the hobby is sometimes tempered by the trepidation of getting a negative reaction.
Apologies for getting a bit off-topic, but I think that the idea of social stigma is just as applicable to men as it is to women.
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- I have heard several females say “I don’t know the rules well enough yet to be GM.” But from what I have seen, they know the rules at least as well as many guys who will say, “I have it down good enough to give it a try.” Not sure if you would call this confidence or arrogance, but guys tend to have it more than gals.
I was absolutely one of those players. I can recall telling my husband, about a year ago that I would never GM, but that he totally should think about it.
From my graduate work, I have found that women tend to self-assess at a lower level than men. For example, if you ask a girl what percentage score she would need to receive in a math class to consider herself "Good at math," she would say that she would need an 89% or higher. Present that same question to a boy and he will tell you 79%.
I think it is more of a confidence thing....for the most part. ;)
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I recently Gmed my first PFS game and it was awesome (with total backing from my awesome husband)! I had a great time, and I can say confidently that the players did as well.Hooray!
I am also happy to report that of the three new players (new to our PFS group), that I GMed for, all three of them were back this week! :D
It was also kind of amazing to overhear one of my players from last session telling the current GM how great my game was. I felt like I had been welcomed into this super exclusive club!
Also, got to meet our local venture captain, and I signed up to GM a couple of sessions at an upcoming con here in LA. If anyone is going to Gamex, the upcoming Stretegicon, look me and Lamontius up!
I'm a female and have been gaming since 1977, running since 1978. I have had no issues at all, but have primarily GM'd long-term games for friends both at the table and online.
People are generally so desperate for somebody else to GM that it doesn't matter if they're male, female, or giant squid - they're welcomed with a blare of trumpets.
And as for learning rules, there's no better way to learn them than by prepping and running games.
Cheers!
Also DeathQuaker,
What is a PBP? Thanks! :)
There are also venues at Obsidian Portal and Mythweavers that enable such games.
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Female dm's aren't real. They're mythical creatures like unicorns or the Dutch. :-)
I don't think I've ever had a female GM in PFS. I remember having a few in LG. My personal experience is that they've been better than males, but I doubt that has any generally applicable meaning.
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First PF game which I played at PFS was with female GM and she was still best GM in our PFS community to my knowledge, but maybe I'll reach her level someday, who knows. She was however over 30+ so she has some level of experience.
I have no doubts that woman can perform in same way as male GM, it's just that women are less interested in PF. Usually it's the boys who like games.
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Female dm's aren't real. They're mythical creatures like unicorns or the Dutch. :-)
Am I more like a unicorn or more like the Dutch?
Lamontia, glad your next session was successful!
Am I more like a unicorn or more like the Dutch?
You're like a dutch unicorn. :)
First, I have to say it's refreshing to see one of these threads crop up and after four pages it's still full of good-nature commentary and civilized conversation. So kudos to everyone in the thread for that.
Second, to Lamontius and Lamontia: you two have one of the THE MOST frighteningly healthy relationships I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Truly remarkable. Open dialogue is the key and you guys seem to have it in spades. So good on ya for that.
To the topic at hand:
I've now been with the same group of gamers for just over a decade now and we have one female player in the group. She's fantastic; as is everyone else in the group. I'm the primary GM (and a dude) and well aware that I'm one of the lucky few who has an entire group of gamers who are not only talented roleplayers but also considerate and accepting. So she is a delight to GM for but so is the rest of the group.
What it comes down is that gender doesn't make a difference. People are people. Some people suck (either at gaming or as humans). Some are awesome. Most are in-between.
As for getting her to GM - we've tried encouraging her for some time to give it a whirl but she hasn't yet. Though I think she's working her way up to it and I wouldn't be surprised to see her finally give it a shot sometime this year. Everyone in my group is looking forward to it.
The one gender point brought up on this thread that I have seen in play is the issue of being talked over. Now, my group is 95% of the time really good at handling discussion in a calm and orderly manner, but there are times where players get excited and everyone is trying to get a word in. I noticed a while back (years ago) that when my players got excited and all started chattering away, the female player in our group would get left behind as she would politely step back and be talked over. Now, she's not normally a soft-spoken person but she would become one in these circumstances.
I didn't want to call too much attention to it and put her on the spot, nor did I want to make it look like she couldn't look out for herself by telling the guys to tone it back. So when this happened I would just wait till everyone stopped trying to out-talk each other and then give her a chance to speak for herself. And, really, since I wasn't paying attention to everyone while they were all trying to talk at once anyway, it worked to her advantage because she would basically get to talk first every time. After a while, the guys got the hint and started making an effort to avoid trying to talk over her. Now, it's no longer an issue.
...After a while, the guys got the hint and started making an effort to avoid trying to talk over her. ...
The guys in my group do not get hints. I often have to yell at them to shut the heck up.
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Female dm's aren't real. They're mythical creatures like unicorns or the Dutch. :-)Am I more like a unicorn or more like the Dutch?
I'm 1/4 Dutch, what do I win?
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x2 multiplier!You're like a dutch unicorn. :)
Am I more like a unicorn or more like the Dutch?
Triple word score!!!
This reminds me I hadn't have female GM for a bit over a year now. Time to pester one of friends for a session!
I seem to only be having Female GMs for any Non-PbP Games.
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SSSSStylish!
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Second, to Lamontius and Lamontia: you two have one of the THE MOST frighteningly healthy relationships I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing. Truly remarkable. Open dialogue is the key and you guys seem to have it in spades. So good on ya for that.
Haha. Why, thank you! :) You should have heard us last night, we basically sat around talking about modules we're running, APs I'm thinking about, and exactly how I am going to get my GUN MONKEY!!
It's looking like it might be a Mad Dog Barbarian with a chimpanzee, in case anyone was wondering! ;)
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Yes, she is nursing me back to health from a nasty bout of the flu with rum, antibiotics and Wondercon module planning.
Take one step up from the chimp with a gun. Get an ape with a blunderbuss.
I have a Huge Ape-Shaped Eidolon wielding a Blunderbuss... King Kong+Boom Stick=Devastation.
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Just to update you all, I have been GMing PFS consistently since my last post (5 sessions so far), and I have been having an amazing time. I put a significant amount of time into prep, building the scene,developing RP characters and combat. My table fills, with multiple people hoping to join it.
The coolest thing to me is that I am new,and I will only get better!
I Tried to GM at the local con over Memorial Day....but schedule made it impossible.
Labor Day it is on!
I can tell you, as much as I love GMing, I've thought about running a PBP here, but I do truly fear harassment here because I am a woman and that in part has kept me from doing it. While the vast majority of people in this community are lovely welcoming folk, there are a few rotten apples that can spoil the group, and yes, I actually am afraid of them and their trying to ruin things for me. Though I might be flattering myself by thinking they'd pay any attention to me at all, so to speak.If you decide to run a PbP here, please shoot me a message!
On these forums the player to gm ratio is so out of balance that just about any GM who opens a game will have dozens of players competing for a spot. They aren't going to let a small thing like gender get in there way of getting into a game.
Cool, the more confident you feel the more relaxed you are and players pick up on and reflect that.
I am glad you are having an excellent experience.
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I started out gaming back when I was 9 .. (which is and seems like a very long time ago). I remember my first ever DM was a female... I remember she was Blonde and that I think the game was Talislanta or Rolemaster.
Ive been quite fortunate to have had many gms over the years with Im guessing a 2/3 male 1/3 ratio. Whilst I cannot remember all their names, I do remember one in particular. It was an all female gaming group and whilst i cant remember the game, I do remember one of the players had the atypical paladin.. and Im pretty sure she was a power gamer (back in the days Im thinking though of the gender discriminatory percentile strength ). The GM in that game was particuarly good at plot. I remember loving that game but I dont think it lasted long.
Since then however I have moved to different gaming groups and due to my involvement with Living style games have experience a lot of different gms. One in particular was the wife of another gm (which I didnt know at the time) , she has now I believe moved on to Tasmania. Her eloquence of speech and descriptive ability was just incredibly good.
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Overall, it's been good!
My second session, I had another GM greet me by saying "I hope you're prepared" in a droll voice....then turn to my husband and say " hey, Lamontius, how ya doin'? Haven't seen you in a while!" I'm not entirely sure where the hostility, or negativity came from....or how he dropped it so quickly when addressing someone else.
I think he figured out I was prepared when I pulled out my multilevel terrain, and role played all of my NPCs.
It certainly made me feel that I had something to prove though.
I put a lot into it, because frankly, I want to be good! I also think, that as a woman, you almost have to be better than most, to be respected. So I strive to seriously be better.
So far, I think it's working out.
While I am sure a female DM can be just as capable as a male counterpart, I will say that I have seen some differences. Albeit, I have played D&D since 1980 and I never even played with a woman at the table until the mid-90's and those were mostly wives who were slightly interested in this odd past-time of ours and it usually did not last long.
I have played in a campaign ran by a female DM once and she was like many of the female players that I have since played alongside as she was way more into the role-play than the mechanics. I know that sounds very stereotypical of me to say, but I have often heard women describe what they want to do and look to the DM to tell them how they can do it. While most of the men that I have played with say what they are doing in terms of just game mechanics and die rolls.
So, this female DM was very good at the story-telling. She ran the Red Hand of Doom module and we all enjoyed it. We did have to help her out with rules from time to time, but we had all agreed to be nice and not argue the point like we normally would. It was one of the more civil games that I have played and the rules-lawyering was at a minimum.
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While I am sure a female DM can be just as capable as a male counterpart, I will say that I have seen some differences. Albeit, I have played D&D since 1980 and I never even played with a woman at the table until the mid-90's and those were mostly wives who were slightly interested in this odd past-time of ours and it usually did not last long.
I have played in a campaign ran by a female DM once and she was like many of the female players that I have since played alongside as she was way more into the role-play than the mechanics. I know that sounds very stereotypical of me to say, but I have often heard women describe what they want to do and look to the DM to tell them how they can do it. While most of the men that I have played with say what they are doing in terms of just game mechanics and die rolls.
So, this female DM was very good at the story-telling. She ran the Red Hand of Doom module and we all enjoyed it. We did have to help her out with rules from time to time, but we had all agreed to be nice and not argue the point like we normally would. It was one of the more civil games that I have played and the rules-lawyering was at a minimum.
I'm super combat oriented. Frankly, my husband is a much better role player than I am. I try to get a good balance going... But I would say, my challenging combat is what tends to be the hook in my sessions. I think it's pretty individual in that regard.
:)
I (finally) got to play in Lamontia's last GM'd PFS session and she nearly murdered two of our group with her tactics during a couple of the fights.
Well played, wife, well played.
I'm terrible at GM tactics--decent as a player, blah as a GM. Any tips, Lamontia?
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Half of the six players in the group I run are women, and one of them is the most enthusiastic gamer of all of them.
I would love for her or one of the others to try out GMing sometime. The trouble we have is that the girls are generally much busier with other things than the guys are. My wife is in grad school, and is also planning to write a novel. The other two women are a sign language interpreter and a waitress, respectively.
Right now, I'm pretty much the only one of us with a basic 8-5 weekday schedule, and enough free time to prepare games. So that makes me the GM!
I am not Lamontia but I can give advice from the 10 Female GMs I know.
@DeathQuaker: Think like a Player with many PCs. Think of what you would like to play in and run that.
Other than that can you provide more details on the problems?
@Trinite: Maybe try getting in on another System that they could GM with less Prep? I can say the Song of Ice & Fire RPG is perfect for that.
Some NPCs require 30 Minutes of work max, Most are 5 Minutes or less. I can generate some in 30 Seconds. The key there is the fact that the system is built around Player/Narrator(GM) co-operation.
I don't think I have ever even seen a female GM, much less played with one.
Which is unfortunate, as I've seen great female players and IMHO, some of them would be great GMs as well.
I'm not sure why that's the case. Lamontia makes a good point, though.
From my graduate work, I have found that women tend to self-assess at a lower level than men. For example, if you ask a girl what percentage score she would need to receive in a math class to consider herself "Good at math," she would say that she would need an 89% or higher. Present that same question to a boy and he will tell you 79%.
I think it is more of a confidence thing....for the most part. ;)
That and the fact that players willing to GM are a minority, and, sadly, so are female gamers. So I guess female GMs are a minority inside a minority.
I'm terrible at GM tactics--decent as a player, blah as a GM. Any tips, Lamontia?
Not sure if this is what you are getting at, but if it is...
.. Tactically I was having problems properly challenging my group. In fact I posted asking for help (didn't get any responses but whatever). In the end it came down to taking the kid gloves off.
This came down to two changes to my mindset. One was CR levels. I had been going by the book, setting up encounters of equal APL for "normal" fights and using APL+1 or +2 for "big" fights. Problem was the APL fights were DBT (Dull, Boring and Tedious) from a mechanical point of view and the APL+1 or 2 fights were only a bit better. I say mechanical because while I could describe the scene amply, when they are slaughtering the mooks wholesale, the description, no matter how vivid, begins to lose some of its impact. So I started bumping the CR up of the critters they faced.
The other aspect was just a matter of playing things up to potential. I custom built some creatures tailor made for my group and the fights were far more engaging, by their own admission. More to the point, again in keeping with taking off the kid gloves, I went after them. I worked on going after the squishies in the back waving their hands and making with the magic. I worked on delaying or somehow impairing the big guys in front to work around them. I used hit and run tactics. I played the creatures to their fullest (or fuller anyway) potential than I had previously.
Why wasn't I doing all of this from the get go? Simple.. I wasn't convinced they could handle it. As it happens though in our group there are three of us that GM and two of us play in each other's game. One session he put us in a dungeon with critters that were routinely APL+2 or higher. It hurt, we were close to dying a lot, but we survived. We found ways around the challenges. And that's when it hit me that as long as I'm not being unreasonable, as long as the challenge is surmountable, it isn't my job to overcome the challenge. It is their job to do that. My job, insofar as challenges are concerned, is just to make sure there is a reasonable method of getting around it.
Anyhow, hopefully that is helpful input. If that wasn't the question you were looking to answer then.. um...
LOOK! OVER THERE!! A MONK OVERHAUL!! FROM PAIZO!! *ducks and runs*
First, congrats on becoming a DM. It can really be a ton of fun.
As a player, what are your thoughts on female GMs? Have you had one? Ho was it?
Female GMs are fine. I've had a few over the years, and the females didn't seem to be qualitatively different than the males.
Why do you think there are so few?
The hobby is male-dominated one. In part there are fewer female GMs because there are fewer female players.
My sister's DMed roughly four campaigns now and I really don't see her gender impacting her ability to GM in any way. She's not the best GM I have had, but she's certainly better than most.
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I'm terrible at GM tactics--decent as a player, blah as a GM. Any tips, Lamontia?
Copious notes, DQ!
I seriously sit down and try to learn each of the NPC/monster's tactics like I would my own character. I research any spells/spell-like abilities and special attacks they have, and write out the details in the margin of the scenario, bestiary page, etc. I include the DC, if applicable, the condition it causes, the stat changes for that condition....pretty much everything! I then write out what I foresee each of them doing in the first couple rounds of combat.
So, for example, I was running 2 druids and their animal companions, the first druid remained in cover and cast Shillelagh, while the other stepped out and cast Entangle the first round. The second round, the other druid cast Entangle. It was the first encounter of the session, so they got smoked, but with two Entangle spells, it took the PCs quite a long time to deal with them! The encounter Lamontius is referring to where I almost killed some people, I was playing a Ghast, with three natural attacks...with that it's just full round attacking whenever possible, and not forgetting about the the amazing abilities it has like Aura of Stench, Paralysis, and Disease. So. Fun. :)
I also prepare all of my maps, in advance. So for a scenario that has three main maps, I will have the least exciting one drawn out on my wet erase mat, then the other two are either a flip mat or some 3-D terrain built with Terra-Clips. That way, I'm not drawing or building and all I have to focus on is running the encounters.
I find that the less I have to look up at the table, or even think about, the more I am able to just get down to it and start kicking some PC butt! Also, I am a pretty competitive person, and while I am absolutely rooting for the PCs, I kinda want to see them struggle a little bit. ;)
All I can say is good for you just keep up the good work.