This keeps coming up in my groups for some reason! Complete the sentence!
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He's an idiot.
I'm a melee character, why do I need a ranged weapon?
Yes, really had a player tell me that shortly after he had to sit out a fight due to lack of his fighter refusing, refusing mind you to use a bow to attack the flying creatures attacking the party. And they had plenty of bows, they were hauling the loot from a bandit camp they wiped out back to town. Had 9 or 10 bows and a good 500 arrows.
I really, really had no idea what to say to the guy.
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has at will cantrips.
Because I'm told it's a sewer crawl, and so three chakram are close enough?
Because I'm a blind oracle with a 30' magic ray?
...that's all the good ones I can think of. After that, I get into this kind of territory:
Because if I roll well with my Improved Initiative, I can charge in among the enemy before the spellbunnies get their AoE on, and then complain about a lack of support? Besides, who wants to do another 5 or 6 points of damage, anyway, when I could be doing 2d6+9 with an earthbreaker? And I don't care if they only have 5 HP, I love my hammer! Stop trying to play MY character!
...and...
But, I am a dashing swordsman, and your bow is a peasant weapon. I have never touched one. Yes, I am proficient in it, and yes, we are under archer assault from that pursuing ship, and yes, that fallen crewman has provided a bow I could use, but, but, IDIOM! Why do you hate fighters? OK, Fencers! Why do you hate fencers?!
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My GM has not truly made me suffer for my errors.
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I be a Str 5 and a wand of scorching rays.
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He IS a ranged weapon!! ;)
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They are too puny!
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As a Half-orc Monk of the Empty Hand I've found I do more damage if I just throw the party's Dwarves at the problem?
...he has javelins?
... I can pick up that elephant-sized boulder and throw it.
Because I have eldritch blast at will.
My GM has not truly made me suffer for my errors.
This is my answer, although I'd reword it slightly: "My DM is as bad at playing the game as I am".
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... because it's too freaking heavy! Why would I put myself at medium load, thus reducing my speed and my max Dex bonus to AC, when I can already throw weightless bombs at my opponents?
An Alchemist
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Because I am Muscle Wizard and I always cast FIST!
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... I AM the ranged weapon
... the barbarian can always fastball special the animal companion
...if it aint within 600 feet for the fireball you ain't hittin it with the bow
... arrows are tickly
... iii believe i can fly... i believe i can touch the sky...
... the dm has a small table and we're never more than 30 feet away from our foes on the battlemat.
I have 3 characters currently.
One is an uber archer, so...he's out.
Another can fly whenever he wants yet he still carries a crossbow...
3rd is a high level wizard. She carries no weapons at all other than a club (which is technically a ranged weapon, man I'm bad at this) because she can fly all day AND has freakin' arcane spellcasting. And the only reason she has the club is to give allies flanking if something actually reaches melee with her.
So, yeah. I'm gonna go with the "...I'm an idiot" answer.
... the dm has a small table and we're never more than 30 feet away from our foes on the battlemat.
Oh nice one!
You could also add:
... the dm is running an AP (APs are not ranged friendly).
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I have servants to do it for me.
Aw, the joys of teaching your players how to play the game...
I'm not yet accustomed to being out of the mines of my forefathers. there I never needed a ranged weapon. (Stonelord Paladin)
If I sometime run out of spells and my hexes are not enough to win a puny ranged weapon will not save me. (Scarred witchdoctor)
...ranged weapons killed my parents.
Hey! You stole my answer, you pointy horned, bard thing!
You say I need a ranged weapon because flying monsters will pulverize me from afar? Children's Tales.... /&#SMASH!@*!CRUNCH!#*$)
You say I need a ranged weapon because multi-headed abominations will pulverize me from near? Children's Tales... /&#SMASH!@*!CRUNCH!#*$)
...I heard you can get this disease from Ranged Weapons...
As a Sorc/DD I acid breathe their puny bums out of the sky, while using my metamagic rod to quickcast... Dragon Breath (spell)
I don't get kissed as much as I would like though...
...Because my venerable archivist bard gnome literally can't carry a weapon due to being tiny and frail. (Never attacking once, ever, in a dungeon delve, and this was still my favorite character and the party's only complain was he talked all the time, about everything he saw.)
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Halfling Barbarian: USE a Ranged Weapon?!? I *AM* a RANGED WEAPON!!!!!
...the GM will make my paladin fall if he ever uses such "cowardly" tactics.
This has actually come up on the boards.
I think it was part of the Cavalier/Paladin code in 2nd ed or earlier that they couldn't use ranged weapons.
Ones I have used:
...my character is near sighted. (perk/flaw system game)
...I have spells that do more than a ranged weapon can in my untrained hands. (playing a caster)
...I can't carry that blasted thing, it's like trying to haul an anchor around with me. (I had used Str as a dump stat)
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He said a ranged weapon, not a bow. Why doesn't your character carry a ranged weapon?
Because I'm a worshiper of Malar (FR deity) and his dogma says kills should be up-close and personal.
(Are there any Golarion deities that prefer melee kills? I can't think of any.)
...like casters, ranged weapon users are boring.
...like casters, ranged weapon users are boring.
Most players that don't think to carry ranged weapons (just in case) also don't think to find cover either...
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MY CHARACTER DOESN'T CARRY A RANGED WEAPON BECAUSE.....
The guy wielding a bow isn't carrying a melee weapon.
A caster who has at will offensive cantrips and a variety of magical spells at my disposal.
Ranged weapons are for those who want easy wins.
This. Or, to reword, it doesn't really count as a 'kill' unless you're up close and personal.
My character doesn't carry a ranged weapon because I can throw my sword easily enough!