The Official JMD031 Rant Thread


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MagusJanus wrote:
Methinks I better not add a rant. I have a tendency go on forever >.>

Have you read any of my rants...

Do EET!


So, I'm guessing the interest in rants has diminished?


Reading them, not at all.

Haven't had much time for writing one, nor inspiration for one.


Yeah, I feel the same. My fire isn't as hot recently.

Dark Archive

I want to write a rant ... but no time lately sorry.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

I hate snow. I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate HATE SNOW.

I hate how the instant it starts falling people turn into utter idiots in their cars. About double the stupidity compared to the normal increase due to rain.

I hate how a steady morning of it turns a 20-minute drive home into a 3.5-hour slog of <10 MPH.

I hate how it starts out looking like this pretty picture out of a Christmas card but within 30 minutes of exposure to any human passage is this muddy, semi-liquid swamp of crunchy brown ooze.

I hate how I can't dress properly for the day because anything warm enough to wear outside becomes swelteringly hot inside with all the office heaters on, but anything cool enough to wear inside comfortably leaves me freezing outside. And yes, this is already including wearing/removing the big heavy coat.

In other words, I have yet to see snow do absolutely anything beneficial for the world outside of making pretty photographs. I would be most obliged to never encounter it again, but I know my luck is not near that good and nobody on a cosmic scale owes me any favors lately.

End rant. Apologies for lack of [redacted].


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Orthos gets +2 Rant points plus +3 bonus Rant Points due to how much I hate this weather. +5 Rant points to you good sir.


Bravo! Best rants in the last 40 days.


GOOD NEWS EVERYONE (not).

Weather prediction has a chance of snow this coming weekend, perhaps as much as 8 inches.

Last week's slog of 3.5 hours on a normally-20-minute-drive was caused by 1.5 INCHES.

This weekend is going to SUCK. Hopefully I won't have to work. Either way, chances are I'll have a rant for when it's all done.


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8 inches??? Poor dears. Greetings from Sweden. =)


There's a reason I don't live further north. I'd move much further south if I could.


Orthos, I am sorry for all of the snow you received.


*shakes fist at life*

Curse you life and making me busy to not make new rants.


Here, have a crossposted rant.

WARNING: WRATH SPOILERS


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+2 Rant Points for stating you were almost in "table flip" mode.


People complaining about snow? That's a shame. Aint quite winter without it.


You can have it. We don't want your frozen sky water. I really miss Arizona weather.


Orthos wrote:
You can have it. We don't want your frozen sky water. I really miss Arizona weather.

GREAT! We will use all that snow to start a new ice age. The glaciers will be as far as Arizona in about a month, so get ready.


Welp guess I should go write my will


Gah! My computer is breaking. Must save the rants!


OHNOZ


Rants are officially backed up. Now to get computer fixed.


Huzzah!


My anger in the length of time it is taking this part to my laptop is infuriating. If only my computer was working so I could use this frustration towards making a rant.


Part for my computer came in. Going to have it fixed this weekend.


COMPUTER IS OFFICIALLY FIXED!!! I'll try to bust out a rant tomorrow. You have been officially warned.


HUZZAH!!


So yeah...I was so busy enjoying the use of my laptop I didn't make a rant. I'm opening up the Word document right now. Yes, right this second. Well, not this second because by the time you read this I'll have opened up the document and will be perusing it. Is perusing the right word in this instance? Who the (expletive deleted) knows? I'm sure some grammar nazi will come out of the woodwork and correct me and then we will all know. Alright enough rambling, off to start a rant.


Wow...turns out I just needed to open the document to get the creative juices flowing. I also realized that it has been over a month since I last made a rant...for shame JMD031, for shame.

Rant incoming!


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Welcome back…Rant Fans! Wow, it’s been so long since I have done a rant I forgot my opening line. *shakes head in shame* Moving on. This rant is about Stupid Bloodsucking Critters and oh how I hate them. These include everything from Mosquitos to the recent scourge of the Midwest (and other places I’m sure) the Bed Bug. Let me start off by saying (expletive deleted) these (expletive deleted) pieces of (expletive deleted). Hmm, I suppose by not using expletive deleted to cover up the words “pieces of” you kind of actually know what I’m saying…(expletive deleted) it. I can’t think of one person who actually likes Mosquitoes…except Ned (expletive deleted) Flanders…or wait was that one of the things he didn’t like when he was all (SPOILER ALERT) nutty and drove himself to the mental institute and Homer is trying to make him angry (SPOILER ALERT). Wow, did that really call for that? I mean the (expletive deleted) Simpsons are so old that it is impossible for most people to not have seen most of these episodes or actually give a flying (expletive deleted). That was weird, because that last expletive deleted covered the entire phrase instead of just part of it. I’m really tangential today. Yes, I said the word tangential. LOOK IT UP! I’ll wait……….are you back yet? Seriously? Good lord you are taking (expletive deleted) forever. Alright, let’s move on shall we? I hate (expletive deleted) Mosquitos but not nearly as much as I hate Bed Bugs. Mosquitoes suck (I SWEAR, IF ONE OF YOU POINTS THIS OUT AS A PUN AND I WILL COME TO YOUR (EXPLETIVE DELETED) HOUSE AND (EXPLETIVE DELETED) YOUR (EXPLETIVE DELETED) UNTIL YOUR (EXPLETIVE DELETED) BURSTS!) but they are easily taken care of by swatting them. Bed Bugs on the other hand are nasty little critters where the only safe way to get rid of them is fire and lots of it. As a matter of fact, I may soon adopt that as a standard recommendation for lots of things that are unpleasant to include ants, rats, lawyers, telemarketers, and of course the dreaded internet troll. Sadly, using fire in this manner is likely to get you placed in a 10x10 cell with a guy named Bubba who wants to “cuddle”. If you want to get that image out of your head I recommend fire and lots of it. *rimshot* *drops mike* And on that note, rant over.

Tune in next time when I rant about…Athlete’s foot. *facepalm* (Expletive deleted), are you (expletive deleted) kidding me? Are we this low on rantable topics that I have find a way to rant about (expletive deleted) Athlete’s foot??!!! I mean seriously…


Rant List:
Athlete's foot
How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?
James Bond movies

Room for 2 more.


Bbbbbzzzzzzzzzzz....


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*rolls up newspaper*

*swats Blood_Sample*

TAKE THAT!


He's back BACK BACK!

Was thinking of requesting a link on clerics... or bards... but I might keep that one for my own use.


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HEY ITS TIME FOR A #RANT! this #rant will be about things that bug me on teh interwebs. Things like [expletive deleted] l33t sp3ak. WTF is up with that? Y is it kewl to right lik th1s? I don't [expletive deleted]ing know!! I can hear you know. "OMGWTFBBQ! ZOMG, how can you not like that? It's so other people don't think you're a n00b." Well, maybe I'm a n00b, and maybe I ain't, but you don't make any [expletive deleted]ing sense! And #hashtags! I [expletive deleted]ing hate those [expletive deleted]ers! I can't #read your #post because every other #[expletive deleted]ing word #has #a #[expletive deleted]ing #hashtag! Don't even get me started on YOLO. I will punch you in the [expletive deleted]ing [expletive deleted]. And who the [expletive deleted] came up with the word "selfie"? I hate that word almost as much as all the pictures of people taking pictures of themselves. And duckface? Is that supposed to be attractive? Because it kind of looks like you have a condition and should seek immediate treatment from a medical professional. Also, I don't want to see pictures of everything you eat. You keep sending me pictures of your meals, and I'm going to start sending you pictures of my bowel movements. And I'll be sure to use plenty of hashtags, just for you. Like #whendidieatcorn, #whyisitgreen, #ithinkiseeyourface, and #thisiswhatithinkofyour[expletivedeleted]ingsalad.

That's it. I'm done for now. [expletive deleted] off.

P.S. If this #rant gets over 1,000,000 favorites I will post another one.

Liberty's Edge

Sissyl wrote:
Greetings from Sweden. =)

Hm I was going to post a rant about airplane seats but let me instead second this remark!


gran rey de los mono gets +5 rant points for his very topical and hilarious rant then gets -2 rant points for covering a topic that I've already discussed (and to be honest because his was funnier...) for a total of +3 rant points.


I approve of the volume of fire recommended in this thread.


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Now you've done it. I've got my hatred of YOLO stuck in my brain and I can't get rid of it. That means you to hear about it. Yolo. Mother [expletive deleted]ing YOLO. I don't care what they tell you, it isn't short for "You Only Live Once". No. It's short for "I'm an attention whore! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Are you looking? Look at me! Look at me! Don't look at them! Look at me! I need all eyes on me! I can't handle not being the center of attention! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! LOOK AT ME!!!!!!!!" Just shut up and go away jerkface. [expletive deleted]. When it comes to being [expletive deleted]ing needy, YOLO ranks above the guy who strips naked, paints himself neon purple with day-glo orange polka dots, and dances the macarena in the middle of the busiest intersection in town with a feather duster shoved up his wazoo. The only people more in need of attention than a YOLOer are reality TV "celebrities". And I refuse to think about how sad those [expletive deleted]ers are.


gran rey de los mono gets his +2 rant points back plus an extra +2 rant points for making such a funny rant in such a short amount of time.

For those of you keeping score at home, gran rey de los mono is "winning".


If I could, I would change the title of this thread to <<Ask JMD031 to rant about all of your topics>> or whatever the format for those threads are.

Liberty's Edge

request: a rant about whatever the format for those threads is?


Request approved.

Apparently the arrows point the other way like so >>Ask JMD031...etc<<. Which irritate me because I can't go back and edit my original post.


Hmm I'm debating whether or not to promise to promise to make a rant sometime in the possible future.


I am glad I did not make a promise...


There's still more future to go, you're fine for now.

Silver Crusade

Even though it would be really nice if the end was nigh. Just sayin'.


Why haven't there been any new rants you ask? That's a good question. Short answer is Life. Basically, I've had a lot of things pop up over the course of the past few months that have really eaten into my free time to make rants.

And now you know...the rest of the story.


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[expletive deleted]ing spammers. [expletive deleted]. [expletive deleted]. [expletive deleted]! I'm about ready to [expletive deleted]ing track them down and kick them in the [expletive deleted]. Twice. I'll baba their [expletive deleted]ing ji. I'll hire a vashikaran cleric to cast black magic on them, curse their love and marriage problems, cause job-education-court case-business profit/loss-problems. [expletive deleted]. Castration via a blunted plastic spork is too good for them.


gran rey de los mono gets +2 rant points.

Daenor gets -2 rant points for his "paladin thread" rant.

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