The Official JMD031 Rant Thread


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gran rey de los mono wrote:

Ok, how's this for a rant. Today I was supposed to have a Pathfinder game. This group meets every other week, and I had to miss the last 4 sessions due to various family commitments, so I was really [expletive deleted]ing looking forward to this. Late last night, I get a text from my assistant manager telling me that I had to come in four hours early! [Expletive deleted]! Even without the added BS of having to miss the game, having to show up 4 [expletive deleted]ing hours early--with no explanation--[expletive deleted]ing sucks! So I let the GM know I can't make it to the game, and completely rearrange my schedule so that I can get to work early. So tonight I woke up, did the 3 s's, and was just about to head out the door when guess what happens? Yep. I get a [expletive deleted]ing text from my [expletive deleted]ing ass-istant manager telling me not to show up until my normal time. [Expletive deleted]ing [expletive deleted] me in the [expletive deleted]ing [expletive deleted] hole. So now, I got shorted on sleep, missed the [expletive deleted]ing game, and for NOTHING!!!! [Expletive deleted]!! What the [expletive deleted] is up with that? I just wish this was the first time she's done that kind of carp to me. I better stop before I work myself up so much that I do something stupid like quit.

[Expletive deleted].

Excellent Rant. +2 Rant points. But then -2 for suggesting that you can take other's Rant points because that just goes against the spirit of ranting...and causes an entire amount of bookkeeping I'm not willing to deal with.


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Gark the Goblin wrote:
I have like -2 so I slowly draw on everyone else's . . .

I thought you have positive rant points...

*checks spreadsheet*

hmm...it would appear that I am not keeping track of the rant points I'm giving out.


Mythic JMD031 wrote:
Gark the Goblin wrote:
I have like -2 so I slowly draw on everyone else's . . .

I thought you have positive rant points...

*checks spreadsheet*

hmm...it would appear that I am not keeping track of the rant points I'm giving out.

I would call you the "Clive Anderson of Rant Point-Keeping" or the "Drew Carey of Rant Point-Keeping", but clearly the "Aisha Tyler of Rant Point-Keeping" is the best answer.


Mythic JMD031 wrote:
Limeylongears wrote:

OK. A certain amount of priming with Russian Imperial (spit) Stout was required, but here goes:

** spoiler omitted **...

I have no idea what is going on here....but I feel that because it is a rant I should give rant points. +1 rant point.

That was a Public Safety Rant, showing the Dreadful Consequences of drinking and posting.

gran rey de los mono wrote:
Soooo...What exactly are the rules regarding raiding other ranters for their rant points. I'm seeing a few people besides myself with some, and I think I want all of them. Is this allowed, or this thread non-PVP?

All I can say is, find Lucky7's phylactery and destroy it, thus ending his reign of undead terror once and for all, and his entire hoard of rant points will be yours by right of conquest.


Lucky7 is the only person I know to have negative Rant points.


Yes, but he's undead, so of course he gets negative rant points. He's healed, revitalised and empowered by them. THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'RE DOING!!


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So, I wanted to talk about my recent posts about "dropping 40 feet and being crippled for life" and couldn't find a better place for it. So here goes.

One time my friends and I were playing in a Mutants and Masterminds game that I was running (gasp! I know). This inevitably lead to an underground superhero fight club that was more WWE than MMA. I let the players pick their roles of either face or heel and then they would get matched up against random NPC. Regardless of whether they won or not they got paid. My brother was playing a character that was very much like Sylar. Anyways, he had telekinesis, won his battle and proceeded to fling this person up in the air. I responded with "that's like 40 feet". He said, "so?" and then I responded "she'll be crippled for life". He then responded "So?". It became a thing from then on. Anytime anyone falls down a pit or a large distance, the first question is how far are they falling. It has been determined that 39 feet is OK but 40 feet and above is crippling. So now you know the rest of the story.


Funny thing is, that was actually the subject of the Mythbusters episode that was on while I was cooking dinner.

Apparently it's far more damaging to the body to drop onto a mattress floating in the water than to just drop into the water directly. The latter, from a 50-foot fall, ended with a broken pelvis and paralysis from broken lower spine; the former, from the same distance, shattered the pelvis, busted up the arms and legs, and broke the spine in multiple places.

Silver Crusade

What's your favorite dinosaur?

Liberty's Edge

Orthos wrote:

Funny thing is, that was actually the subject of the Mythbusters episode that was on while I was cooking dinner.

Apparently it's far more damaging to the body to drop onto a mattress floating in the water than to just drop into the water directly. The latter, from a 50-foot fall, ended with a broken pelvis and paralysis from broken lower spine; the former, from the same distance, shattered the pelvis, busted up the arms and legs, and broke the spine in multiple places.

Whoa, who'd they get to test THAT?


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Gark the Goblin wrote:
Orthos wrote:

Funny thing is, that was actually the subject of the Mythbusters episode that was on while I was cooking dinner.

Apparently it's far more damaging to the body to drop onto a mattress floating in the water than to just drop into the water directly. The latter, from a 50-foot fall, ended with a broken pelvis and paralysis from broken lower spine; the former, from the same distance, shattered the pelvis, busted up the arms and legs, and broke the spine in multiple places.

Whoa, who'd they get to test THAT?

They put an ad on Craigslist.

Liberty's Edge

That reminds me . . .

I'm kind of new to Craigslist - I've heard plenty about in popular culture, but I've only browsed it a few times. My computer's headphone jack and onboard speakers are rapidly deteriorating, though, so just this last Friday I decided to buy a real music player. An iPod. This may sound strange, but I've never owned anything more complex than a flip phone or a laptop, so I spent a half-hour or so scrolling through Craigslist ads for iPods in my area and researching each one. Someone had a pic of a 6th generation nano with its charger cable, for only $40. That particular device has good audio quality and volume, and doesn't look like it'd snap comedically as soon as I paid for it. So I sent the advertiser an email. It went something like "Hey, I can come pick it up and pay you at these and these times on Saturday and Monday, if you don't get any better offers." Seemed like all I needed to say. But what I'm "ranting" about now is that I haven't gotten a peep out of the seller. They have neither taken down the advertisement nor responded to my email, and I'm moving twenty miles away after such and such times on Monday, so it'd be really convenient if they could just give me an indication that they've sold it or not. I guess they might be waiting for more offers but it's been four days since they posted, and they could at least communicate that somehow.

Damn this was kind of a s!!$ty rant. No gratuitous expletive deletions! F$~+


Mythic JMD031 wrote:
Excellent Rant. +2 Rant points. But then -2 for suggesting that you can take other's Rant points because that just goes against the spirit of ranting...and causes an entire amount of bookkeeping I'm not willing to deal with.

To be fair, I wasn't suggesting that I could take other people's rant points. I was just curious as to how it would happen, if it were possible.


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Alrighty, time for another rant. This one is on...Rant Points! [Expletive deleted]ing Rant Points! What are they, exactly? Where do they come from? Is there a store of them somewhere, and if so where is it so I can plan a trip to see the Great Rant Point Depository! I imagine it is something like Fort Knox, only with fewer armed guards and more overweight, sweaty, angry guys furiously venting their nerd rage all over the internet. Or maybe JMD031 just pulls them out of [expletive deleted]ing thin air. In which case, what's the [expletive deleted]ing point of them? Does that make them worthless? Or are they the most [expletive deleted]ing valuable thing in the universe? Are they both at the same time? Maybe that's the answer. Maybe Rant Points are quantum phenomena that, if science would only pay attention, would explain all the mysteries of Life, the Universe, and Everything! Do I become all-powerful if I get 42 of them? Or would I just be an overweight, sweaty, angry guy furiously venting my Rant Point rage all over the internet? I don't know! All I know is that I want the Rant Points, and I want them all! So, [expletive deleted], hand them over! Give them to me! NOW!!!!

Or not. Whatever.

But seriously, give them to me.

Please.


gran rey de los mono wrote:
Gark the Goblin wrote:
Orthos wrote:

Funny thing is, that was actually the subject of the Mythbusters episode that was on while I was cooking dinner.

Apparently it's far more damaging to the body to drop onto a mattress floating in the water than to just drop into the water directly. The latter, from a 50-foot fall, ended with a broken pelvis and paralysis from broken lower spine; the former, from the same distance, shattered the pelvis, busted up the arms and legs, and broke the spine in multiple places.

Whoa, who'd they get to test THAT?
They put an ad on Craigslist.

*SNERK*

In seriousness they replaced their normal test dummy with an anatomically-accurate one used by student surgeons.


One thing that puzzles me about many male garments for the lower half is the superfluity of pockets. I thought this had gone out with the decline of Nu-Metal, remembering what were called either combat pants (which you had to wrestle into submission every morning before putting them on) or cargo pants (imported from Polynesia, where the natives enact colourful rituals resembling WWII combat operations in order to persuade the magic trousers to come down from the sky and return to them) with a shudder, but apparently not. It's hot, so I'm wearing shorts. How many pockets do I need in my shorts? Two? Three? Four, at a pinch? Apparently not - the manufacturers, helpfully warding off a potential attack of Pocket Envy, have supplied me with at least 15. What would happen if I filled all these pockets? They'd be pooled around my ankles and I'd be in prison or very badly beaten, that's what. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT, YOU BEASTS? Maybe this is an attempt to make me feel less like an underfed nerd and more like a rugged champion of the untamed wilderness - if so, it doesn't bloody well work and nobody is going to mistake me for this month's Combat and Survival centrefold or Ted Nugent no matter how many zips I have on my thighs. Grunters.


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lucky7 wrote:
What's your favorite dinosaur?

-2 rant points. Stegosaurus.


Gark the Goblin wrote:

That reminds me . . .

I'm kind of new to Craigslist - I've heard plenty about in popular culture, but I've only browsed it a few times. My computer's headphone jack and onboard speakers are rapidly deteriorating, though, so just this last Friday I decided to buy a real music player. An iPod. This may sound strange, but I've never owned anything more complex than a flip phone or a laptop, so I spent a half-hour or so scrolling through Craigslist ads for iPods in my area and researching each one. Someone had a pic of a 6th generation nano with its charger cable, for only $40. That particular device has good audio quality and volume, and doesn't look like it'd snap comedically as soon as I paid for it. So I sent the advertiser an email. It went something like "Hey, I can come pick it up and pay you at these and these times on Saturday and Monday, if you don't get any better offers." Seemed like all I needed to say. But what I'm "ranting" about now is that I haven't gotten a peep out of the seller. They have neither taken down the advertisement nor responded to my email, and I'm moving twenty miles away after such and such times on Monday, so it'd be really convenient if they could just give me an indication that they've sold it or not. I guess they might be waiting for more offers but it's been four days since they posted, and they could at least communicate that somehow.

Damn this was kind of a s#@!ty rant. No gratuitous expletive deletions! F@&#

+2 rant points. Not all rants require expletives deleted.


gran rey de los mono wrote:

Alrighty, time for another rant. This one is on...Rant Points! [Expletive deleted]ing Rant Points! What are they, exactly? Where do they come from? Is there a store of them somewhere, and if so where is it so I can plan a trip to see the Great Rant Point Depository! I imagine it is something like Fort Knox, only with fewer armed guards and more overweight, sweaty, angry guys furiously venting their nerd rage all over the internet. Or maybe JMD031 just pulls them out of [expletive deleted]ing thin air. In which case, what's the [expletive deleted]ing point of them? Does that make them worthless? Or are they the most [expletive deleted]ing valuable thing in the universe? Are they both at the same time? Maybe that's the answer. Maybe Rant Points are quantum phenomena that, if science would only pay attention, would explain all the mysteries of Life, the Universe, and Everything! Do I become all-powerful if I get 42 of them? Or would I just be an overweight, sweaty, angry guy furiously venting my Rant Point rage all over the internet? I don't know! All I know is that I want the Rant Points, and I want them all! So, [expletive deleted], hand them over! Give them to me! NOW!!!!

Or not. Whatever.

But seriously, give them to me.

Please.

+2 Rant points. To answer your question, the secret to Rant points is


Limeylongears wrote:
One thing that puzzles me about many male garments for the lower half is the superfluity of pockets. I thought this had gone out with the decline of Nu-Metal, remembering what were called either combat pants (which you had to wrestle into submission every morning before putting them on) or cargo pants (imported from Polynesia, where the natives enact colourful rituals resembling WWII combat operations in order to persuade the magic trousers to come down from the sky and return to them) with a shudder, but apparently not. It's hot, so I'm wearing shorts. How many pockets do I need in my shorts? Two? Three? Four, at a pinch? Apparently not - the manufacturers, helpfully warding off a potential attack of Pocket Envy, have supplied me with at least 15. What would happen if I filled all these pockets? They'd be pooled around my ankles and I'd be in prison or very badly beaten, that's what. IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT, YOU BEASTS? Maybe this is an attempt to make me feel less like an underfed nerd and more like a rugged champion of the untamed wilderness - if so, it doesn't bloody well work and nobody is going to mistake me for this month's Combat and Survival centrefold or Ted Nugent no matter how many zips I have on my thighs. Grunters.

+2 Rant points. Seriously, I have this issue with unused pockets.


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Mythic JMD031 wrote:
Limeylongears wrote:
One thing that puzzles me about many male garments for the lower half is the superfluity of pockets.... <rant snipped>
+2 Rant points. Seriously, I have this issue with unused pockets.

You should set up a charity to donate unneeded pockets to women. Pockets on women's clothing are exceptionally rare, and even then, it's usually a fake pocket or it only has enough room to hold a stick of trident gum and maybe a microSD card. 'Cause, FASHION!

Every pocket you donate to women kills a fanny pack.


Actually, we kind of already do donate our pockets. See, since pockets on women's clothing is rare (because, as said, fashion), we guys are stuck carrying all your stuff. Thus, our clothes get tons of extra pockets that we don't really need.


The naive assumption is that either you're carrying everything you need around in the Tardis-like interior of your handbag/purse or Space-Colonel Pickering is teaching you to be a lidy and hence you have a robot butler to port things around for you. Still, contributing to the death of what I can't call fanny packs in public because that'd mean something diiiferent...


YEEEHAW!!!


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Thankyou, Randy.

Is a worthwhile goal. I'd like to donate 5 shillings to it right now, as well as advancing the slogan SMASH PATRIARCHY THROUGH RESOLUTE BLOWS WITH CONVENIENT FOLDED GUSSETS FOR PURPOSE OF CARRYING LOOSE OBJECTS!


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Today's rant is about [expletive deleted]ing coworkers who don't do their [expletive deleted]ing jobs, and instead leave it for me to do. What the [expletive deleted] is up with that? It's your [expletive deleted]ing responsibility, you know that it is your [expletive deleted]ing responsibility, and you know how to [expletive deleted]ing do it, so why the [expletive deleted] don't you do it!! Huh? Why? I get that you don't want to do it. Nobody wants to do some of the [expletive deleted] we do around here, but guess what [expletive deleted]er? you're being paid to do it, so [expletive deleted]ing do it. And some of this [expletive deleted] isn't that hard to do. Like putting away the [expletive deleted]ing cookie oven. You put it back on the cart and roll it to the break room. And it isn't even out of your way, because the time clock is in the break room and you're headed there to [expletive deleted]ing clock out anyways. So why aren't you taking the [expletive deleted]ing cookie oven with you?! Or how about the pool towels? Let's consider them for a moment, shall we? You go into the pool room. You pick up the towels. You put them in the bin. And then you leave them there. Why? You're supposed to put them in the laundry room (the door to which is right next to the counter you're going to stand behind), and yet you leave them in the pool room. And if I don't go in there and get them, then they don't get washed. And guess who gets in trouble then. Me. I get in trouble because you didn't do your job. [Expletive deleted] that, and [expletive deleted] you. And then there's things like what happened tonight. I walk up to start my shift, and you tell me "You only got one check-in left, but there's no room for them". Did you try to find them a room at another hotel? No. Did you call the manager and ask what you should do about it? No. Did you have a plan other than pray they don't show up until after you are gone? [Expletive deleted] no. So, instead of doing your job and [expletive deleted]ing fixing this earlier in the night, when other nearby hotels still had rooms available and it would have been [expletive deleted]ing simple to take care of, I have to scramble around calling one place after another, and then wake the manager up at midnight to get his authorization for all this [expletive deleted]ing [expletive deleted]. So, once again, even though none of this [expletive deleted] was my fault, since I'm the one who had to wake the manager up, I'm the one who gets yelled at over the phone, and is asked a bunch of [expletive deleted]ing questions I don't have answers for, AND have to deal with the guest who shows up, [expletive deleted]ing tired and ready to go to bed, and tell them that they have to go somewhere else for the night. Sure, I've made a reservation for them, and since it's our fault (not mine, but someone here [expletive deleted]ed up) we are paying for their room at the other place, but they don't care. They're tired, and I'm the one who gets cursed at for "running a [expletive deleted]ty [expletive deleted]ing [expletive deleted]-hole".

So, thank you, coworker who doesn't do their job. Thank you so [expletive deleted]ing much. Don't be surprised if the next time you ask me to switch shifts so you can go do something I tell you to go [expletive deleted] yourself.


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Wow...all I can say is +5 Rant points.


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Moment of silence for Robin Williams.
.
.
.
.
.

Thank you.


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I am going to work on a Rant this weekend. Also, I can't believe this thread almost made it to the next page.

For shame Mythic JMD031, for shame!

Liberty's Edge

Cross-post:

Quote:

[. . .] holly is stranded halfway across the country and is running out of money on her phone and cannot call the airport hotel she has a voucher for. she’s been standing in lines for hours, can’t sleep on planes (and therefore has not slept in about 46 hours), and is probably about to be told that no, we can’t call the hotel for you. she may not have her luggage. she may not have any american coins for a pay phone, and shops are probably closed now. hell there might not even be pay phones in airports any more. so she’s probably going to spend the night in the airport, but at this point she’s so tired that she could easily sleep through whatever next flight they have people scheduled for. she’s very tired and likely confused and upset and hungry and no one is helping her

and it’s all because some chucklef@&#s forgot to refuel the plane


*attempts to write rant, ends up just typing "Sqvarkingfunginxarkilpitz" 37 times*


I am unsure if either of those qualify for rants. But regardless RANT INCOMING!!!


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Welcome back rant fans! This rant is about….well that’s the thing. I mean I have stuff on the list but that stuff (expletive deleted) is nothing to rant about. So, I’ve made the decision that this rant is about rants. That’s (expletive deleted) right! We are about to go meta on this (expletive deleted). I knew that one day this day would come, when I would come to the point where I would rant about rants. Mainly because (expletive deleted) inevitability. I could have ranted about a variety of things before getting to this but I feel the time is right mainly because it has been several months since I last posted a rant and I feel that this is as good as time as any. If you don’t agree with me, go (expletive deleted) yourself…with some (expletive deleted) thing that you would insert into your (expletive deleted). Sorry, I’m trying to fill a quota here. One of the things I think about when I do these rants is am I saying expletive deleted enough or too much. But alas, I’m getting ahead of myself. I don’t know what everyone else’s process is for writing rants is, but mine usually involves staring at an open word document for several minutes to hours trying to figure out what the (expletive deleted) I’m going to say about whatever topic I will be pigeonholed into this time. These used to be a lot easier when there wasn’t as many and my method for tone and everything wasn’t established but then they became a (expletive deleted) nightmare. I would sit here and tell myself “Crap, I need to make a rant…”. See in real life, I don’t curse nearly as much, which is why I enjoy doing these rants as it gives me a creative outlet for cursing. Anyways, as time continued on I began to feel more and more pressure about these (expletive deleted) rants because I had deluded myself into believing that I had “an audience” to think about. To be honest I should have paid attention to that one guy who made the comment that I was “wasting my time” but instead that only (expletive deleted) fueled me to create more just to spite him. But (expletive deleted) that guy, I have a rant to continue. Another thing that made the rants cumbersome was the untimeliness of them. What I mean by that was that as more time passed there were items on the list that didn’t make sense to discuss. I mean I did 3 rants about (expletive deleted) Leafer the Lost and he stopped posting long after I did those rants. About this time I’m becoming increasingly aware that some of you might comment how this rant is like the last rant I did. Well to you I say, “NO! That rant was about Athlete’s Foot! (Expletive Deleted) You!”. Still filling that quota. Which brings me to discuss that. I often think as I’m writing these “Am I cursing enough? Too much? What is the right amount of cursing? Do people even understand what I’m trying to say when I type (expletive deleted)? Isn’t that the whole point?” and on and on, etc. Basically, I overthink it like most things. But fortunately, it works out because I’m certain that people don’t even pay attention to that. And it’s not like I’m obsessive about it or anything, like I don’t count how many times I’ve used the words expletive deleted. I just try to ensure that I use them about every 2 to 3 sentences so that it really seems like a good (expletive deleted) rant. We all know that rants are better when they are filled with curse words or in this case pseudo curse words. So then after I sit and stare at the screen for the amount of time that I do, I just start typing the first (expletive deleted) things to come to my mind stream of consciousness style. It’s worked so far but after a certain point I ran out of steam. Like every time I would think to myself “I should sit down and do a rant” the very idea made me shudder with fear because then I would have to like put effort into something that has little to no meaning. “So, why do you still do them?”, asked no one in particular. I do not know. Habit? Compulsiveness? Hubris? Well whatever the reason, I will continue to do these as long as I feel the need to do them. Or until somebody tells me to stop. Wow, I just had a weird moment which means it’s time to end this long (expletive deleted) rant.

Tune in next time where I will possibly, most likely, just maybe rant about Tootsie roll pops or perhaps something that isn’t as (expletive deleted) stupid


Mini rant after the rant - It's like a two-for-one deal!

So, as many of you have noticed, I haven't been posting a lot of rants. I'm beginning to question my desire to do these and I have even thought about discontinuing them all together. If I decide to do this, I want to encourage others to continue ranting here as it a great thread to do that in. I've made a lot of comments about why I haven't been posting rants but the reason that I feel is the most true is that I just don't feel like doing them any more. They were fun when I started, they were challenging for a while, but now they are just kind of boring to me. I have no real understanding why this is except that perhaps the novelty has finally worn off. Nothing is set in stone yet but I expect that my ranting days are numbered. I'm currently trying to keep it to at the minimum one rant per page but even that's becoming harder to do as every time this thread hits a new page my first thought is "Darn, I have to do a new rant". Ok, enough feeding my ego. Mini-rant over.

Rant List:
How many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop?
James Bond movies


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(Expletive deleted) you, pun thread, (Expletive deleted) you.


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I take full responsibility for pointing Scint to that thread.


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Orthos wrote:
I take full responsibility for pointing Scint to that thread.

Do you want rants? Because that's how you get rants. [/Mallory Archer]

{remembers what thread I'm in} Oops, never mind. [/Emily Litella]


Ambrosia Slaad wrote:
Orthos wrote:
I take full responsibility for pointing Scint to that thread.

Do you want rants? Because that's how you get rants. [/Mallory Archer]

{remembers what thread I'm in} Oops, never mind. [/Emily Litella]

This is your one warning.


Orthos wrote:
I take full responsibility for pointing Scint to that thread.

You make it sound like I'm the worst offender in that thread.


Scintillae wrote:
Orthos wrote:
I take full responsibility for pointing Scint to that thread.
You make it sound like I'm the worst offender in that thread.

No, just the only one I can claim responsibility for =)


I wish my name wasn't on it.


Yeah, well if wishes were horses we'd all be eating steak.


And if wishes were fishes we'd all be drowning in carp.

If wishes were bacon, I'd be a very happy boy indeed.


How dare you defile this thread with puns! -100 Rant points.


Well, that escalated quickly.

Sovereign Court

You don't like the pun thread I set up in your honor? Don't make be break out a punrant. ;)


*leans forward in anticipation*


Wall of text, spoilered for length.

Spoiler:
Today I shall rant about a specific person with whom I am, unfortunately, acquainted. For the sake of this rant, let's call her P. I [expletive deleted]ing hate P. She is a member of my primary gaming group, although God only knows why. She shouldn't be. She was never invited to join, and yet, somehow, she's [expletive deleted]ing there. What happened is this. Two other members of the group, let's call them J and C, are members of a Star Trek fan club (a whole separate rant option there), as is P. So, they had only been part of the group for 6 weeks or so, having joined at the invitation of another member with the GM's approval (doubly important since we were playing at his house), when they went to their fan club meeting. There, they proceeded to talk to another attendee about how much fun they were having at the game, and P overheard them. She asked a few questions, like when and where they played, and then wandered off. The next week, just as J and C are about to head out to come to the game, there was a knock on their door. Who was it? [Expletive deleted]ing P. She stands there and says "So, how do we get to the game?" Now, if it was me, I would have told the [expletive deleted]er that it wasn't important because she wasn't coming, but J and C are more polite than I, and they said "Follow us, it isn't far". The three of them show up, which pisses off the GM because he wasn't expecting another person and there was already barely enough room at the table as it was. Having never played Pathfinder before, she of course has no character, and being new to the game she has no idea what the [expletive deleted] is going on, but neither of these facts stop her from being very disruptive by offering "advice" and saying how she'll be a great benefit to the party. Again, if it was up to me, I would have told her that she wouldn't be any benefit to the party because she wasn't going to be [expletive deleted]ing playing, but it wasn't my call. So she comes back the next week with her character and proceeds to do nothing. Nothing at all. She has a 13th level Rogue, and refuses to do a single [expletive deleted]ing thing because her character is "just a 14 year old girl". B$!~%@$*. Even pointing out the rules don't allow for such a young character doesn't matter. Try telling her that, and she just looks away and ignores you. Ask her to search a chest for traps and "No way! If there is a trap, she could get hurt!" Pick a lock? Nope! "There could be a monster behind the door just waiting for the lock to open." Combat starts? HA!! The little [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] runs and hides because "those monsters are big and scary!" But she damned sure wants her "fair share" of the XP and treasure. And this goes on, week after week. No matter how much we hint, imply, or even outright [expletive deleted]ing say she could do something useful, she does abso-[expletive deleted]ing-lutely nothing. Then, one night, we think she might be about to try and contribute. There is a staircase that she thinks would be a good place for a trap. Why? [Expletive deleted] if I know! So we set up to guard her while she searches for the trap, and she does nothing but say "Yep, this looks like a prime spot for a trap". "Sure looks like a trap to me." "I wouldn't want to get hit with whatever trap that thing has on it." We wait almost 5 minutes for her to stop talking about how obvious the [expletive deleted]ing trap is and search for it, but she doesn't do it. We finally said "If you think it's a trap, then go search it." Her response: "Hell no! If I step near that thing I'll die!" That's when one of the others got fed up and said [expletive deleted] it, I'm going up the stairs. They weren't trapped. We've tried so many things to get her to contribute, and she does [expletive deleted] all. The GM has told her, outright, that she is being nothing but a drag on the party, and she ignored him. All of us in the group have, at one time or another, said that she is being useless, and she doesn't care. J even spent 4 rounds in one combat taking hit after hit while moving into position so she could step out of her hidey-hole and sneak attack a guy, and she just said "I'm not stepping out of here, look how much damage he did to J's character! He'll kill me!" And it isn't just in Pathfinder that she's useless. Occasionally, we'll play other games, and she still does nothing. Last week we playtested a game the GM has been working on. It's a modification of the Game of Thrones boardgame set in the Warhammer Fantasy universe. None of us, other than the GM had ever played the original game, so we were all learning from scratch. Except for her. At one point I wanted to slap her because she complained that there was nothing for her to do, nowhere for her armies to move, and yet there was a entire section of the board that was wide open and no-one else could reach unless they went through her. But those dozen or so territories don't count. The GM looked he was about the slap her when she revealed her order tokens for the turn and none of them made sense. He asked why she placed those orders and she said "I just closed my eyes, picked ones at random, and set them out". And then, at the end of the night when the GM asked for feedback, she had the gall to say the game was boring and that he really needed to rethink the rules. What a c@##. No one in the group wants her around anymore, but no one wants to be the one to tell her to stop coming. Except for me. I would love to tell her, but I'm not the GM and we aren't playing in my house, so I can't just boot her without the rest of the group being in on it, and the others keep saying "Oh, maybe she'll come around. Maybe she'll start helping out." It's been 4 [expletive deleted]ing months. If she was going to do something, she should have started a long time ago. She's just wasting our time and lowering everyone else's enjoyment of the game. Hell, every week we gather around the table and say "Maybe she won't come this week. Hopefully she caught on to the fact that no-one wants her her, and she won't come back at all."

[Expletive deleted], I gotta stop now. I suppose this was less a rant and more a vent, but damn it feels good to say something.


Damn.


2 people marked this as a favorite.

My suggestion is to kick this person into the nearest pit trap unless you happen to have alignment restrictions to your class. Essentially,
"accidentally" nudge her into all sorts of problems.

Also, +2 Rant points.

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