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Not forgetting this week!
*channels positive feelings and offers hugs to anyone and everyone that wants or needs some*
Also I've been watching this channel a lot recently, really soothing. And yummy. Also kitties!
They do have a couple of vegetarian videos as well.
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An odd discussion in the PF2 board last week led me over here and I thought I’d just say hello! I hope everyone is doing well.
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An odd discussion in the PF2 board last week led me over here and I thought I’d just say hello! I hope everyone is doing well.
You'll find some pretty odd discussions here, as well. And odd discussers.
Welcome
Thank you
*waves hello*
Hi! :)
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Welcome.
May your path ahead involved with this thread bring you wisdom and courage to apply said wisdom.
Ambrosia, thank you for the comic link. It has some resonant themes to it.
To everyone on the thread, may your day be full of fun growth and joy.
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Okay so before I get into this I apologize for the WoT. I’m just going to try and get everything from the conversation that got modded out + some ramblings out.
So the conversation that got me here was of all things about cisgender. Because I’m well behind the curve on such things I hadn’t heard the term. I looked it up and the definition I found was a bit confusing (I was told that the definition I had found wasn’t a good one) so I asked for some clarification and as I had assumed I am but it then lead me down a path I’d been down a few times which is if there is a term for what I am so I described myself in some limited detail and I will give the answer, as it were, further down this post.
To my current knowledge the best description of what I am, using sociological terms as that is my specialty, is a heterosexual male that dominantly follows reverse gender roles. In the past I’ve been called a Beta B**** which, while very insulting, is somewhat true and then in the thread in question I was told that I was an egg. I had not heard of it before but after further discussion both on the thread and with others offline that know better than I, I don’t think that one fits either as I have no ignorance of nor am I questioning my identity. (If myself and the others I’ve talked to are wrong about this term any input is welcome) I am a heterosexual male and I identify as such. I just solidly lack and in many cases outright despise accepted male gender roles and gravitate towards female roles without even thinking about it. I also don’t feel that there is a biological element in my case. (though I suppose I could be wrong, how could I really know) I feel that my case is nurture over nature. Looking back I can see events in my life going back to my earliest memories that could easily have started this and then reinforced it.
I was raised by a single mother and I had 2 younger siblings. I was my mother’s closest confidant, she never held back her thoughts and emotions with me and I also often cared for my siblings while she was out. At school the boys always treated me like crap so I wasn’t interested in following their example. I didn’t have a strong male role model to speak of until my teens when my stepfather entered the picture but by then it was to late and his toxic masculinity just pushed me further away. In my adult life I’ve had 4 relationships, 2 were short and uneventful, 1 that was short but the end really stuck with me. She left because she couldn’t handle the fact that I was as emotional as she was. Then there’s my ex wife... She was pretty androgynous as things go which I think helped on the emotional side of things early on but she was able to read me like a book and as soon as the ring slipped onto her finger things got bad. I quickly became the breadwinner, housekeeper and then primary caregiver for our daughter after she was born. Now that I know the signs it was textbook codependent psychological abuse but I stayed way longer than I should have because she knew just the right strings to pull and because of our child. When I did finally get the courage, if I’m going to be honest anger might be more accurate, to leave I somewhat surprisingly got full custody of our daughter and became a single father for 3 years before my epilepsy forced me to give my daughter over to better off relatives. It still haunts me as my biggest failure, even though I’ve been told that it was out of my hands.
Where was I? So I know what I am and despite the many problems it has caused me I accept it and wouldn’t change it. Its just weird feeling that I don’t really fit into the straight world but at the same time, and I want to be very clear that this is just my experience, not fitting in with the LGBTQ community either. I do hope and have gotten the general impression that the LGBTQ community as a whole is better than the one in my community. Though I admit that I live in the liberal stronghold of what is largely a conservative state so I have trouble faulting them for being tribal and militant.
A funny, at least to me, story. I joined the drag community years ago and I loved the dress up and shows. It made me feel “hot” in a way that I think most men will never experience. But sadly I had to quit after a few months because I apparently offended the other queens. I didn’t take it seriously enough, I was just a lowly transvestite, not a true queen. I also heard from others later that they didn’t appreciate that I was heterosexual and that I wouldn’t do various drugs with them. I do however realize that the drag community is a small subculture that doesn’t represent the majority.
So yeah. That’s the long of it. I just thought I’d throw it out there. I sincerely hope that I didn’t offend anyone. My knowledge of the ins and outs of this subject matter is limited. If anyone has input I’m all ears. And thank you all for your time.
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That's a lot of s##! to be carrying by yourself.
I'm so sorry so many people in your life have failed you and caused you so much pain. We can only do so much here, on Paizo's boards, but know that whatever we can offer, we will.
Keep an eye on your DMs here. Not everything needs to be (or should be) said in public. And feel free to send DMs to me if you have questions you'd like to ask. I don't speak for other people, but I'm sure you'll hear from more folks than just me.
Thank you. “Hug”
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Raylyeh,
The hardest insight and advice is the easiest to give.
Just be You.
The problem, as always, is finding out who You are.
I'm still figuring myself out, but I figure that's part of my path to Wisdom.
I've learned gender is a spectrum, not a fixed point, based on personal experience.
Also, it is hard not to conflate fetishism with either gender or sexuality, because societal standards in the past were somewhat ignorant of the very important divides between them, and it can be very damaging to the development of You.
May everyone have an awesome and enlightening day.
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I get it and I agree. I would like to reiterate that for all intents and purposes that I do know who I am and that when you get right down to it labels don’t matter a whole lot to me. It’s just that it would be convenient if there was one for what I am so that I don’t have to give that speech every time I want to describe myself to others. I also find it somewhat humorous that in an age where everything has a label there apparently still isn’t one for me.
I think the important part of that post for me is the feeling of being stuck between 2 worlds. Seeing both but not really belonging in either. It’s pretty depressing at times.
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You aren't the only one.
I wish the science, technology, and chemistry was better/easier, and the weight behind the terms not so heavy.
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I get it and I agree. I would like to reiterate that for all intents and purposes that I do know who I am and that when you get right down to it labels don’t matter a whole lot to me. It’s just that it would be convenient if there was one for what I am so that I don’t have to give that speech every time I want to describe myself to others. I also find it somewhat humorous that in an age where everything has a label there apparently still isn’t one for me.
I think the important part of that post for me is the feeling of being stuck between 2 worlds. Seeing both but not really belonging in either. It’s pretty depressing at times.
That is the thing with labels...none of them are 100% accurate (no matter how much certain aspects of our society want them too). Labels exist to give us verbal/mental shortcuts. And as with most shortcuts they leave a lot out.
For instance I am transgender woman...but there is a large variety to what that means.
Just be you...in the end that is all you can do. Don't try to label yourself. Or create your own label...nothing says you can't do that.
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Sad face:
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Sad face:
That's rather stupid. So she's a cis woman who has too much testosterone? What about the men who have lower than average testosterone? Do they have to raise theirs to be able to compete with the men?
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Cindy!
Hugs, hugs, hugs
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I'm looking forward to her cramming that stupid decision down their throats when she continues to annihilate the competition. This is moronic.
May everyone have Wisdom, Insight, and Patience on this day as they desire it (or not).
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Currently on an out-of-town work placement this month.
I just got to feed some deer. It was awesome. :)
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If anybody's wanting to watch something gay on Netflix, I recommend the show Special. It's about a guy who's gay and has cerebral palsy.
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More hugs for the stalwart Rysky.
And for everyone else who wants to top up their hug quota for the day.
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So good news by next Friday the wig my friend got me from Amazon will arrive...
With the raise I just at work and the retroactive check that goes with that I think I will finally have what I need to present as a woman by mid Summer.
I am very excited.
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Woo-Hoo! ٩(♡◡♡ )۶
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Chelsea Manning released (again) from prison
Former US intelligence analyst Chelsea Manning has been released from prison, despite refusing to testify before an investigation into Wikileaks.
Manning, 31, was held for 62 days after a Virginia judge ordered her taken into custody in March.
<snip>
"Today marked the expiration of the term of the grand jury, and so, after 62 days of confinement, Chelsea was released from the Alexandria Detention Center earlier today," her lawyers said in a statement.
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So good news by next Friday the wig my friend got me from Amazon will arrive...
With the raise I just at work and the retroactive check that goes with that I think I will finally have what I need to present as a woman by mid Summer.
I am very excited.
FORWARD TO GLORY MADAM WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
May everyone have Wisdom, Insight, and Patience on this day as they desire it (or not). Stay warm out there, folks!
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Was in Chicago on Tuesday, meeting up with a native Southern Californian.
She looked at the weather report: Mild weather: rainy and high 40s.
She took offense at the use of the word "mild".
Hugs all around if you accept them; otherwise a friendly nod and smile.
Pounces on Rysky 'cause I know I can.
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Today was a huge milestone success story for me. I spent all day at the VA going to appointments while presenting as myself. I was there from 830 to 4. That's a long time to be interacting with a wide variety of people.
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Congrats Cindy. You are so brave!
So I kinda need help with something...there is a step I have been avoiding for reasons I won't get to here...but I need to find a trans friendly therapist. So what are some the ways to look?
Also I need to make more LGBT+ friends...I have a loose plan of maybe organizing a LGBT+ game night. I have a friend than provide the space...but where would be the best place to get the word out? I live in North NJ if that helps...
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CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY
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So I kinda need help with something...there is a step I have been avoiding for reasons I won't get to here...but I need to find a trans friendly therapist. So what are some the ways to look?
Also I need to make more LGBT+ friends...I have a loose plan of maybe organizing a LGBT+ game night. I have a friend than provide the space...but where would be the best place to get the word out? I live in North NJ if that helps...
will PM.