*hoping very hard my spring allergies stop trying to MURDER me before finals so I can study*
I don't think sneezing is supposed to hurt. :(
So it is Bar-B-Que season so I have been going to lots of large gatherings of people(there has been two and more on the way...my Satsuma are going to be busy)...most who don't know I am trans...so there large feelings of gender dysphoria and frustration...but the last time I had a friend introduce me as Selene...it got people looking away and than pretty much ignoring me for the rest of the day.
In good news there is a poly group that my friend connections runs with somebody who wanted more of a spectrum of lgbt+ folk so I started going to these meeting. Most only know me as Selene and it is friendly group of people.
Just a little update...I have been lurking mostly because I just generally feel frustrated and lonely.
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PaizoCon Update in brief:
Lots of neat and interesting stuff happened.
Lost voice GMing.
Trying to recover.
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* joins in the hugging of Selene *
Sorry, folks - life's been being a royal pain in the backside of late but nothing I can't handle. (mumbles something about work and incompetence and lack of planning on the parts of others)
Took some time off from life and caught both Deadpool 2 and Solo this weekend. Solo was meh. Deadpool 2 was awesome - actually saw it twice and I thought it was funnier the second time around. I just loved Wade's and Yukio's interaction. And yes, Rysky, I agree - Negasonic and Yukio need more screen-time being adorable together.
* sends out the skittermanders to spread the hugs and love *
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So it is Bar-B-Que season so I have been going to lots of large gatherings of people(there has been two and more on the way...my Satsuma are going to be busy)...most who don't know I am trans...so there large feelings of gender dysphoria and frustration...but the last time I had a friend introduce me as Selene...it got people looking away and than pretty much ignoring me for the rest of the day.
In good news there is a poly group that my friend connections runs with somebody who wanted more of a spectrum of lgbt+ folk so I started going to these meeting. Most only know me as Selene and it is friendly group of people.
Just a little update...I have been lurking mostly because I just generally feel frustrated and lonely.
Something that I have been doing is going by a nickname that works no matter how I am presenting. I go by CJ when I want to be Cindy, but I'm presenting as Bob or if it may be uncomfortable for me to be called Cindy for whatever reason. Maybe a nickname might help. It's also less formal so people may be more receptive.
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Another milestone met today. Not only did I try things on in the store, but I did it when there were other people in the store. Someone was using the fitting rooms. The sales associate immediately used female pronouns the second my friend mentioned them as just a normal part of the conversation. I tried on a bunch of things.
I'm super stoked! I'm also seriously thinking about dying my hair. I may want to slow down a little bit, but I'm really feeling like I'm making a lot of progress and I don't want to break that momentum until I feel like I need to.
Tell Ursula to give me my voice back, dangit! :>
I did not get to go to paizocon but went to a local con instead. The con attendees were great. Now if only there was better parking. Unfortanetly my dad also died what is two weeks ago now.
I'm so sorry to see that Dr Wu. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
Doctor,
Glad to hear the con went well, sorry to hear about the loss.
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Another milestone met today. Not only did I try things on in the store, but I did it when there were other people in the store. Someone was using the fitting rooms. The sales associate immediately used female pronouns the second my friend mentioned them as just a normal part of the conversation. I tried on a bunch of things.
I'm super stoked! I'm also seriously thinking about dying my hair. I may want to slow down a little bit, but I'm really feeling like I'm making a lot of progress and I don't want to break that momentum until I feel like I need to.
CONTINUE TO KICK DOORS DOWN WITH YOUR FEET OF JUSTICE!
I did not get to go to paizocon but went to a local con instead. The con attendees were great. Now if only there was better parking. Unfortanetly my dad also died what is two weeks ago now.
may he rest peacefully, dr. Wu.
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Went to queens pride today for work. Easy, awesome shift. Loved it. Look forward to brooklyn pride on Saturday.
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I am disgusted by the supreme courts decisiom today.
In the words of my dead grandmother, "Well @#$%*
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I sent this email to my parents yesterday. I don't know if or when they will respond.
"
There's something that has been on my mind for a very long time. I have known for most of my life that I'm not like everyone else in the family. I have wanted to say something, but I had no idea what was different. The last few years I've been spending my time trying to understand more of who I am and what it is that makes me different from the rest of the family. I still don't know everything about who I am. I do know that I am transgender. That doesn't mean that I think I am a woman. It just means that I know that I am not male on the inside. I really don't understand it much more than that. I'm currently in therapy to help understand this more. It's going to take me a long time to understand it and even accept myself.
Almost every time we've talked about things and there was a long silence I debated if I should say anything. I always chose not to. I can't say the words out loud. I was and still am afraid that it would be the last time we get to speak or see each other. I may be in my 40s, but I still feel like I want the love and acceptance of my parents. I have come to terms with not really being a part of the family and there are a lot of reasons for that with no blame to be thrown around.
If you do still love me and want me as part of the family, please do me one favor and don't discuss this with anyone else. Clay is the only one who knows and he doesn't know very much. Right now I have no intention or desire to visit anyone appearing as someone you aren't familiar with.
If you have any questions about what this means I will do my best to answer them. Know that I really don't understand it all myself yet.
Love"
I really would love for them to say something soon. I don't know when I'll get a good night's sleep if they take too long.
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Hugs for Cindy.
You just did a brave, hard thing.
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Hugs for Cindy.
I guess I understand Kagan's logic, but I strongly disagree with it. A cake isn't part of a religious ceremony.
I am disgusted by the supreme courts decisiom today.
what did you expect of the Roberts court? the conservatives have been stocking the SCOTUS with their men since the shrub era, and Obie could not do the same, and all the great liberal justices are either dead or retired... seriously, today's decision was foredone.
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and major hugging to Cindy... it seems needed
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Hugs to Cindy, and I'm not much of a hugger!
Based on the quick read, it could be an argued victory for everyone, even those who are gay and refuse business to alt-conservative trolls.
It's not a 'good' victory, but it's not as huge a defeat as some folks might think.
Disgusting? Yes. I'm trying to salvage a bright silver lining here.
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CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY CINDY
*Accepts hugs* Because I got dumped yesterday.
Oh, that hurts!
We still love you, even though that's not going to fill the hole in your life.
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Thanks guys.
It was actually pretty much mutual. We've just realized that we have different needs; I need togetherness, he needs space. Logically, I know it was for the best. But letting go is never easy, I suppose. I'll be OK, it's just that the hurt is still pretty fresh.
Im sorry, terminalartiste.