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A toast, we say?
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Hello Everyone *hugs*
Last night I had fun I hanged with my Trans male friend. He treats me like a woman which is awesome...now if I only can get my other friends to realize...that I want to treated differently. I am sure they will come around.
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Well today's date was great. Went to breakfast. Came back to my place to watch a movie and cuddle. Maybe we did a little extra, but a girl won't kiss and tell. Ok, we did kiss. It was my first kiss like this.
I know that it really doesn't seem like it should be a big deal, but it really is for me. This whole exploration of who I am is going to be stressful. I hope that it is also a lot of fun. So far? Yup. It's been fun.
I also came out to one of the members of our gaming group yesterday (through FB messenger). It was a great conversation. He stayed himself the whole time: bad and inappropriate jokes. At one point he just stopped and said, "holy ****! Have I offended you at all during this? I didn't mean to if I did." He didn't. The fact that he considered how I might be reacting to him without me having to say anything (I'm not easily offended) shows me how great a guy he really is.
I'm still not going to come out to the rest of the group for some very real problems that will happen (non group related, but it will happen).
Friday is Ladies Game night again. I don't know if I'm going this time. I know that they want me there. I am concerned that many of the people who are showing up also go to the same game store that I frequent. I don't want to be part of a rumor mill. I need to think about how I want to handle things.
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@Cindy Robertson: *hugs* Great News! I can not wait for my first date...(no prospects yet) at all...never really dated as a guy. I think I just was not sure about myself. Now I just need alot of stuff...but atleast now I know myself and what I am looking for.
Also yes carefully consider things...but also be prepared to be pleasantly surprised also...like I was when I came out to my Mom.
*Bright and warm, making for a good place for hugs, smiles, companionship, conversation and tea*
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* lets out a roar to scare away all the negative stuff *
Hello everyone.
* grabs everyone in a big fluffy bear hug *
Way to go, Cindy!
* tosses a few logs onto Campfire Elemental *
I know it's been said before but I'll say it again - everyone, stay awesome. You make this world a better place.
Hello Everyone *hugs*
I have been frustrated and depressed today. It is just the expense and delays starting to get to me. The stuff I need to get...the wig, clothes, shoes, etc. Are just going to be slow going on getting the money together and even learning what I need to know.
The delays...the LGBT support group meeting being canceled means I have to wait a month. My one girl friend can't get together due our mutual schedules for atleast anot her week or two. The lack of a safe and private space.
Sigh.
I want to run with this but I am forced to crawl.
I know no one here can help me...I just needed a shoulder to cry on. I am still overjoyed by it all...I just want to move...quicker.
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Aw, sorry to hear that Selene
We're here to lean on.
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That's rough, Selene. But unfortunately how things go sometimes. :( *hugs*
Especially to start out, when you're trying to get a solid set of the basics, I'd suggest shopping clearance racks, or even second-hand if you're cool with it. You'll get the simple pieces for a ton cheaper. (And I mean a ton cheaper.) A lot of people are squicked out about second-hand shoes (and not without reason), but I've bought several pairs before and haven't had an issue. As long as they aren't athletic shoes, chances are you'll be ok.
Second-hand actually comes with an advantage - you might have more luck finding things that will fit well and suit you, since you'll have all sorts of brands and styles at hand instead of being limited to a store's narrow band of normal/"this season" offerings. I'm weird-proportioned in a few ways, and I tend to get along way better in my second-hand store than I do shopping new. You do for sure have to do more sorting through, but that's part of having more choices.
You'll also probably find that second-hand stores are less likely to have gender-specific dressing rooms. I don't know if that's been an issue for you, but it's worth mentioning just in case. If you do plan to try clothes on, make sure you're wearing the underwear you plan on wearing with it fairly regularly - it's no fun to find an awesome dress only to discover when you get it home that you don't own a single bra that won't peek out constantly.
As far as what pieces to go for first, dresses are going to be the most bang for your buck in terms of immediately communicating that you're dressed as a woman. I'd also consider looking at accessories like scarves and jewelry - if you do have to continue mixing in your old pieces for a while, accessories will help to set them off and make them look less masculine. (This I actually know from experience. My work uniform in college was men's clothing and I was too overworked/burnt-out/depressed to create more laundry by changing every time I went somewhere before or after work, or indeed to most of my classes. So I'd just throw a sweater or blouse over my uniform, and generally no one was the wiser.)
And lastly, what is perhaps the most out-of-nowhere piece of strangely-relevant information I've ever had in my head. If you knit/crochet or know someone who does, there are patterns out there for knit and crochet breast prosthetics. The organization at that link provides them for mastectomy patients, but they'd totally work for trans ladies as well. They're designed to be comfortable enough to wear even right after a mastectomy, and they'll hold shape far better than improvised solutions will. I don't know if you're worrying about false breasts (I know not every trans woman does), but they might be a solution.
Well today's date was great. Went to breakfast. Came back to my place to watch a movie and cuddle. Maybe we did a little extra, but a girl won't kiss and tell. Ok, we did kiss. It was my first kiss like this
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I'm sorry Selene....
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* grabs everyone in a big fluffy bear hug *
Good Morning, all you wonderful people.
* gives Selene an extra-special bear hug *
I've got two big shoulders perfect for crying on.
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Hello Everyone *hugs*
I have been frustrated and depressed today. It is just the expense and delays starting to get to me. The stuff I need to get...the wig, clothes, shoes, etc. Are just going to be slow going on getting the money together and even learning what I need to know.
The delays...the LGBT support group meeting being canceled means I have to wait a month. My one girl friend can't get together due our mutual schedules for atleast anot her week or two. The lack of a safe and private space.
Sigh.
I want to run with this but I am forced to crawl.
I know no one here can help me...I just needed a shoulder to cry on. I am still overjoyed by it all...I just want to move...quicker.
Some of the stuff can be gotten rather inexpensively. I am on a page called Buy Nothing on Facebook. You can get all kinds of stuff there for free. I give away and get lots of clothing (and other things not related to this at all).
You can get clothes from second hand stores.
I also know that this may feel awkward at first, but talk to your friends and family about this. Maybe someone can help you out a little. I have a few friends who look forward to shopping with me and they have fun buying me things once in a while. From clothes to makeup to jewelry they try to get something that they can afford.
Developer
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Hello Everyone *hugs*
I have been frustrated and depressed today. It is just the expense and delays starting to get to me. The stuff I need to get...the wig, clothes, shoes, etc. Are just going to be slow going on getting the money together and even learning what I need to know.
The delays...the LGBT support group meeting being canceled means I have to wait a month. My one girl friend can't get together due our mutual schedules for atleast anot her week or two. The lack of a safe and private space.
Sigh.
I want to run with this but I am forced to crawl.
I know no one here can help me...I just needed a shoulder to cry on. I am still overjoyed by it all...I just want to move...quicker.
This is why a lot of trans girls get into video games: it makes the waiting easier.
Most of the progress you'll have is gradual, or comes in fits and spurts with long lulls in between. It can be really frustrating when you know what you need and you just want to get it, but it does mean some fo the more stressful things, like spending money and coming out, tend to be spread out over long, easily-tackled runs.
Is there anything we can do to help out? Help you find information or a local doctor? Chat? Trade pickle recipes?
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Another way to spread your clothing budget and shopping around is to have a party. Everyone brings things they don't wear any more (shoes, scarves, skirts, etc) and piles them in the center of the room.
You spend the evening trying on clothes and laughing.
Anything that doesn't find a new home by the end of the evening is donated to the nearest resale shop. (Unless, of course, the person who brought it doesn't want to do that).
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They pulled the health care bill.
The ACA is still in effect!
How long till they manage to pull a text that gets enough support? they won't stop till all that's left of the Obama administration is the library and the death of Bin Laden.
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Another way to spread your clothing budget and shopping around is to have a party. Everyone brings things they don't wear any more (shoes, scarves, skirts, etc) and piles them in the center of the room.
You spend the evening trying on clothes and laughing.
Anything that doesn't find a new home by the end of the evening is donated to the nearest resale shop. (Unless, of course, the person who brought it doesn't want to do that).
A lot of my early wardrobe was donations from friends and Goodwill finds
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@Rennaivx: Thank you...that is great advice. I will definitely use it in the future. The problem though is the idea of going shopping for this stuff as a guy...makes really nervous.
Are there stores that cater to Trans Women?
@Bob_Loblaw: I don't do facebook...but I have been thinking of it as late. Are there similar sites without Facebook?
@Crystal Frasier: What I need now is to make more money. In that Avenue I am going for a promotion at work...looking at a second job on the weekends...I am even thinking about a blog.
But just coming here to chat helps alot.
@CrystalSeas: That sounds like a great idea...though unfortunately I don't have alot of women friends...I hope to start making some more soon. But that sounds like alot of fun...maybe that can be a thing with my coming out party. If not clothes directly maybe gift cards.
@Rysky, Freehold DM, and The Bear: *hugs* Thanks.
Oh what are people experiences with Corsets?
The QSA here on campus said they were going to hold a trans clothing drive. I got all set and talking to several orgs I am a part of.. LGBT, conservative, whatever... they never followed through with telling me where all the clothing needed to be dropped off.
Sucks. Probably could have helped someone in the same situation... considering this state is not exactly the most trans friendly in the first place.
Anyway, good luck!
My experience with corsets would be inappropriate here.lol
Because amazingly enough, the Party of No really is incompetent at this whole actually having to govern thing.
Apparently they are because the people they needed couldn't wrap their heads around the fact they needed a win. Now it's looking more likely that while they can TRY to do that (IE blame everyone but themselves) I think many voters who PUT Trump and the rest in office are starting to realize these guys have no freaking clue what they're doing.
Also, I want to thank Crystal for making my week for the fact Ironfang has some great artwork. :) Hobgoblin Red Wedding for the win!
I definitely get being nervous about the first trip. If you can't get a female friend to go with you for the first time (so you can claim to be holding the stack for her), maybe see if you can borrow some female clothes to wear in order to be a little less conspicuous? I don't know of any particular chains that cater to trans women, but others might.
I actually love corsets, despite having a figure that makes most off-the-shelf ones inconvenient. They take a bit of getting used to, but I like the feel of something supportive around my waist. You definitely get what you pay for with them in terms of longevity and fit/support/shaping, but even the cheaper ones can be fun.
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In regards to the Corsetry, I recommend outreaching to a professional corset maker/shop. Once again, you get what you pay for. VS (Victoria Secret) and other main stream offers are for the bedroom and only worn long enough to be stripped off... But will not shape your body per se not hold up to extended wear. The one I have worked with does so out of her house (converted room to a frick'n tailor/wedding/RenFaire/exotic wear business. Wow! So many things I wanted to try) and a large part of her clientele are in the fetish scene in some degree or another. She makes a decent living if that tells you anything, with a not-insignificant male customer base.
If you want to experience the lingerie effect, anything will do. Want to shape-train or daywear, you really really need to see a professional to schedule a fitting and buy a quality corset that will hold up.
Check out your local offerings.
Are there stores that cater to Trans Women?
There are, but from my experience they tend to be more focused on drag than anything else. You can probably still learn a lot so don't discount them. Just know that going in.
@Bob_Loblaw: I don't do facebook...but I have been thinking of it as late. Are there similar sites without Facebook?
I don't know. You can probably search for something on Google, but I don't really know. I have several friends looking for things that they know I want or need. They have a list of my sizes and pictures of things I'm looking for. Maybe you can go that route. Have someone else use Facebook for you.
Oh what are people experiences with Corsets?
I was given a great corset by a friend, but I haven't had a chance to wear it yet. It's a high quality one. I hope I can wear it soon. I just don't know much about how to wear them or when is the most appropriate time etc.
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*burning bright and warm, making a cozy place for hugs, smiles, companionship and talking, also making tea*
Oh what are people experiences with Corsets?
EDIT: RE: Crystal's comment about 'getting into gaming'.
I don't appreciate the 'exaggerated' female characters in say, WoW some games, but some of the more subtle ones leave me with more ??? than answers.
Thank you for the thoughts along that line, it's given me more to think about.
EDIT2: Took a look at some side-by-side pictures and realized that relatively speaking, WoW is NOT the worst offender by a good mile....
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Holy crap. I'm a science father. Best friend just had a kid. About to see him.
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I love corsets. I love lulu. But you need a master to prepare them for you, a personalized job is far far better than anything you can get in a store. I love lulu.
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*hugs*
Thanks for the support and advice.
So I am thinking of doing a blog about myself and things that interest me...hopefully I can make it interesting enough. I am doing this bring in some extra money (hopefully).
Anybody got any experience writing a blog?
Holy crap. I'm a science father. Best friend just had a kid. About to see him.
What's a science father? Something to do with artificial insemination?
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Holy crap. I'm a science father. Best friend just had a kid. About to see him.What's a science father? Something to do with artificial insemination?
it's like a godfather but for non religious people.
@Rennaivx: Thank you...that is great advice. I will definitely use it in the future. The problem though is the idea of going shopping for this stuff as a guy...makes really nervous.
To get started, go for a few things that you can tell are going to fit (so you don't have to try them on). Simple things like tees. If someone asks who you're shopping for, just say your girlfriend. Once you do that it couple times, you'll have more confidence.
In terms of places to shop, I've always had good experiences at Target. You can find some good deals on their clearance racks.
Thrift shops can be great too. About half of my initial wardrobe came from thrifting. One nice thing is, since they're cheap, you can experiment a bit more as you try to figure out what your personal style is going to be.
And there's always online shopping. You need to measure yourself, and also do a bit of reading on the differences between men's sizes and women's sizes. It's not as much fun as shopping in a store, but you can find some good stuff that way.
And along those lines, when the time comes, it might be difficult bras that are the right combination of band size and bust size, at least when you're shopping in a brick & mortar store. I've found Hanes' Just My Size always has what I need. And they have other stuff too/
Edit to add: On corsets: I've never worn one. No interest in them.
Raid them if they have any closing salesI know what I said before. But as I said goodbye to the staff of one store, I was told that what's left of the company won't survive a second bankruptcy. So I spent some of my Tekko anime money to buy some tools and parts. I figure that if I design and build something awesome with Radio Shack parts, it would be a fitting tribute.
It's really a shame, because I started getting interested in basic electronics and building right when our local (and now long-defunct) Radio Shack shifted emphasis to cheap/common pre-built electronics, battery and cel-phone sales.
Given no Internet worth anything at the time and no access to transportation... it kind of killed any access I had to that sort of equipment, and now I don't have the energy or time to pursue that hobby.
Sometimes wonder if perhaps it was deliberate to prevent people from learning how to build things for themselves...
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This weekend is going to be an odd one for me. I plan on going to see my friend in the morning. This is the same one that I visited last time when I had the panic attack. Then I'm going to visit my cousin and her family for the evening. I will be next door to my bigoted grandmother so I have to make sure she doesn't know I'm there. The next day I will hopefully be visiting another friend and her family.
My fears are that my family finds out because my cousin's son doesn't understand that not everything should be shared. I will be in conservative areas during daylight alone. My cousin's family and the second friend's family have never seen me in person like this. They want me there, but I am still very nervous.
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Rysky, I don't say this because I'm not really the kind of person who remembers to say nice things when I'm supposed to. You are one of the sweetest people I have encountered. Please never stop being so wonderful no matter what happens.
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I also hope everything goes okay. Be safe.
Thanks. There's going to be some things I need to keep in mind that may put a damper on things. Weather and if family may randomly show up at my cousins would be the biggest things.