Thanks!
I love the work you have done
All i can say is "Wow"
Excellent. I've been looking forward to this coming. ^_^
The new style is looks great!
Looks like fun! Looking forward to the finished product! (+fav)
Congrats Daemonslye on the new format for A Paladin in Hell (Reloaded). Obviously this is a work in progress but rather than just thanks, it’s great, give us more…here is a mass of useful feedback. All well intended to improve your work of course!
It’s interesting the page count has gone from 161 to 109 in the new format. Has much text been removed or is this just from page layout? Of course pages covering “The Temple Besieged” are currently missing in the new doc but included in the old.
Throughout the document we will differ in that you tend to minimalize the number of images used whereas I’d like to include more. I do want to use only the most appropriate and highest quality images available.
Please, please, please remove the mottled background from central text area on each page. While it can be visually appealing it makes text harder to read which is the most important thing. Suggest trying mottled background for left and right margin and have it fade to white after 1cm (i.e. as reaches the text columns).
Reduce the footer height. Does it really need to match the header in height? Suggest removing black background from footer so it is either mottled parchment (as per the left and right margins) or have the current black header on top and place all the fiery red below (no thin red strip left on top).
Header text is inconsistent throughout the document. On each page consider making it “A Paladin in Hell” on the left and <Chapter> on the right.
Thus you have
“A Paladin in Hell” “Background”
“A Paladin in Hell” “Fortress of Emirikol”
“A Paladin in Hell” “Demonwing”
“A Paladin in Hell” “Descent Into Hell”
“A Paladin in Hell” “The Temple Besieged”
Page 1 Move “Pathfinder Adventure Conversion” text up 1 cm and centred on the page. Presumably the current goal is to have it centred over the demon’s head rather than the page. Move “A Paladin in Hell By Monte Cook” text down so it obscures less of the picture and perhaps “By Monte Cook” is in line with “A Pathfinder…18”.
Page 2-4 Remove the fold(?) line that appears ¾ down each page
Page 2 Remove black spot from Paladin’s left and right leg.
Page 3 This page could be deleted or else combined with page 2.
Page 5 Excellent information and layout! Every module should have an advancement track by chapter page like this one. I would move the words “A Paladin in Hell” to the header or else place them above the Paladin’s head in the image.
Page 6 You were right to remove all this text “The Pathfinder Roleplaying Game simplifies…one game system to another.”
Personally I’d use a space on either side of each dash and shorter dashes. i.e. “Divinations – Scrying or Finding” instead of “Divinations—Scrying or Finding”
Page 7 It would be ideal if the brown (holder?) marks could be removed from the right-hand and especially left-hand side of Oerdh Crystal image. It would be nice if the crystal image and words “Oerdh Crystal” were moved up 1cm inside that black oblong.
Page 8 The map is noticeably less cluttered. Suggest moving the red dot of Riverford slightly to the right so it’s not in the river’s centre. Consider cropping the map 1 cm up so the name of “Andoshen river” is visible and perhaps the words “Isle of Kortos/Merciful Bay” are not. This would also make “Riverford” more centred on the map.
It would be good to make text read to the players stand out more than just a font change. Perhaps that text could have the mottled parchment background.
Put “Message for you master” in italics
It would be nice to have the words “I can provide…lost to torment forever.” on a scroll but agreed it would need to look better than the scroll image in previous document. What do you know…simply reuse the scroll image you have on Page 35 - perfect!
It would be ideal to place the crater image (from page 6 on the old format document and missing in this one) to appear somewhere near this text “The Temple has been snatched away from the Material Plane”.
Page 10 “The Metalstorm CR 14 XP 38,400” should be in a sidebar. If you don’t want line borders then a mottled parchment background for this section would accomplish that.
Page 11 Most certainly the words “X POINT HARROW” on the map need to be in red text and either larger or bold. The map is also out of place – it needs to appear on page 9. The image on page 9 needs to be on page 13 alongside “E. The Crystal Spires”.
It would be good to place the rock outcrop image (from page 9 on the old format document and missing in this one) to appear somewhere near this text “Little grows amid these dry stones…”.
Nice presentation of the d% table. This whole section “The Reality Rents CR 14 XP 38,400…” should be in a sidebar. If you don’t want line borders then a mottled parchment background would accomplish that.
Page 12 Definitely a fan of the “in-line creature stat block” format. This presentation is a big improvement over the old format document.
Again, to make “A bedraggled man…” stand out this could have mottled parchment background while the rest of the page text has white background.
Page 13 I would definitely return the excellently appropriate “Steeds of Chaos” image to this page (it has been removed from this document).
The Iron Golem descriptions sound like Slaughterstone Eviscerators. It would be ideal to add a picture of them like this http://www.wizards.com/dnd/images/Monster2_gallery/9.jpg even if you just use ordinary Iron Golem stats rather than enhanced ones modelled on the Slaughterstone Eviscerator base form.
Page 14 Noted you’d removed "Throne of Power", "Prismatic Rod", "Ring of Joining" and Emirikol’s stats blocks and presumably plan to include them in the Appendix. I would definitely place them all in-line instead.
Regarding an unwilling teleport power for the "Throne of Power" note that Pathfinder now has that spell and it’s called “Ice Crystal Teleport” http://www.d20pfsrd.com/magic/all-spells/i/ice-crystal-teleport.
Page 15 I would move Emirikol’s image from this page to just after “I ….. (a smile plays on his lips), am Emirikol the Chaotic.” on page 14.
Page 17 Bravo on finding a truly awesome picture to represent Demonwing!
Page 18 Consider removing the word “Side” from “Demonwing – Top Side View” or change it to the word “Topside”.
Update Demonwing’s stats to take into account Pathfinder vehicle rules found here: http://www.d20pfsrd.com/equipment---final/vehicles#TOC-Warship
Page 19 Consider returning the ‘Spectral Trolls’ image to this page (from page 19 of the old format document).
Page 23 Adding a parchment background to the map is a great improvement.
Page 24 I would place Flerd Trantle state block in-line rather than appendix and put it after “Flerd Trantle (see Appendix X: NPCs)”. Then have “Demonwing Level 1” map page followed by “Demonwing Topside” as the start of the next page after that.
Dretch image looks great in the centre of the page. Close the gap between the words “taunt” and “the” in this sentence: “The dretch will continue to taunt the PCs until it is killed or intimidated.”
Page 26 “The Mother” image looks better in purple than the previous green. You’ve also cleaned it up nicely.
Page 27 Not so sure the merits of removing "Ring of Destiny" sidebar to the appendix but ok.
The addition of Trapped Passage diagram is a great addition!
Page 28 It would be nice to include a Vrock image. Even the one that was previously in the old document format on page 31.
Page 29 Nice change of Demon Giant from “Advanced giant thrasfyr” to “Goristro”
Personally I’d place an extra carriage return between “…lava pool.” and “A towering figure…” and do this for all following monsters.
Page 30 Remove the word “to” from “as part of a treaty to aimed at the destruction of Emirikol.”.
Page 31-34 There needs to be more white space separating each NPC.
A shame to cut out Ginnamar’s image from page 32. I would return the picture you had from the old format document.
Good job finding an appropriate Urdefhan image for page 34. It sorely needs to be moved to page 33. Page 34 I’d return the image for T’ROL, “GISH” from the old document as well.
I understand the tools you’re using make it harder to redo page layouts but it’s what I would do. Why cut the page count? It’s not like we have to pay for printing costs lol.
Page 35 You’ve removed the diagram for Area 11, 11a, 11b that was on page 39 of the old format document. I would most certainly return it and add it here. Suggest changing the “Up arrow” to a “Down arrow” that is placed beside Area 11. It makes more sense as that is the direction PCs will be travelling when exploring these areas.
It would be worth noting in the text that Area 11a (and even more so 11b) would be a great place for PCs to hide or rest in relative safety.
Page 36 The change of “sphere” image is controversial. While it is a better looking picture, your original on page 41 of the old format document is more appropriate.
Page 38 Threakil is a drow. You forgot to darken/grey his face like you did on page 42 of the old format document. The darker colour would also better match his hands. Please redo this touch.
Page 39 Again, I’d personally add the Soul Gem sidebar here and have it in-line rather than in the appendix.
Can you re-add the “Temple of Lamashtu” floor plan from page 44 of the old format document to this one?
Page 40 ”...a map drawn on humanoid skin (see page 00);” Obviously the page number needs to be remembered to be filled in as the document progresses.
Personally I’d move the entire map text from page 45 to appear just after “You can use this ability a number of times per day equal to 3 + your Wisdom modifier.”
Page 41 Ajhani image is on the wrong page. Ideally it is moved to around this area “This snake-bodied fiend has a six-armed woman’s torso” on page 40.
The choice of image is probably an improvement over the one in the old format document. Certainly those two are the best available on the web.
Without question the “Boggard Priests” image you have on page 50 of the old format document needs to make a return as “Grubthup the Old” on page 41. Failing that it could represent a “Boggard Under Priest” on page 42.
Page 45 Place the map image after “...brings a frequent smile to the marilith’s lips.” so the image is in-line (better associated with) “The Map” text. Also consider moving all this to just after Ajhani entry on page 40.
Page 46 Love the addition of “The Prison” map.
Page 47 So glad you kept the risqué Eva Erendez image. Curious how it has had its sharpness reduced. Your copy of the image on page 53 of the old format document is a superior presentation.
Not a fan of moving stat blocks for “Luck Greenbottle” and “Daiyu Gozen” (and presumably their images) to the appendix.
Again there needs to be an extra carriage return between document text the NPC stats, otherwise everything just runs into one another making it harder for the reader. Add more whitespace between…
“…Area 18A.” and “Jiilis appears…”
“…defeat him.” and “Not blessed…”
“…Currently -5” and “Possessed of great…”
Page 48 Be good to have a picture for Scratch. This one is better if you can clean it up http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_Tz9438SseBE/THMDnEFUIqI/AAAAAAAAACE/uQycD2C2zow/s 1600/Osyluth.jpg
Nice improvement for Astirix picture however you could do better by using a wounded dragon pic. The best example that is appropriate and you could clean up easily is here: http://art.shtoikak.ru/images/stories/kerembeyit/Steel_Dragon/Dragon%20Orig ins-%20War%20of%20Dragons%20FINAL.jpg
Page 49 I would return the Babau picture such as the one you had on page 59 of the old format document.
Page 51-52 Good job redoing the Glass Room floor-plans, however the map key on page 62 of the old format document really needs to be returned to page 52 of the new one. To accomplish this, images on page 52 could all be moved further to the left or right. The side view image on page 51 can then be added above or below the May Key text so everything is on this one page.
The order of floor-plans on page 52 would ideally be listed in the order that PCs are most likely to tackle them (i.e. 1st floor, 2nd floor at top and 3rd floor, 4th floor at bottom).
Not a fan of the font used for creature positions, the “G” in particular is hard to make out. If the letters font size is reduced and enclosed by a black circle (much like a miniatures base) that may also be an improvement.
Page 53 I would return the awesome Bebilith image from page 63 of the old format document to page 53 of this one.
Nice replacement of “Male jotunblood giant two-headed troll” with “Jotund troll” from Bestiary III. I’d include the picture from that book with a touched up base as well.
Page 55 Canyon of Insects image has improved. The addition of a grid is nice but too small to be usable. It would be more so if the image took up an entire page.
The ant image from page 70 of the old format document would have some value (possibly reduced in size and/or placed over a rocky background image) on page 55 of the new one.
Page 56 Move Kroth image from page 56 to page 57 and consider erasing bird flock from top right of image. Well done on the colouration – so much better than the gaudy colours in the old doc.
I would return the great Shoggoth image from page 71 of the old document to page 56 of the new one.
Page 57 I would return “The Balor’s tower” image from page 73 of the old doc to page 57 of the new one. It does a great job of indicating the ‘room' layout.
Page 58 I would return great “Retriever” image from page 74 of the old doc to page 58 of the new one.
Page 59 This picture is a nice addition, presumably better position right before “22. The Balor’s Tower (CR 9)” on page 57.
Consider having page 57 end with “hp 47 each (5 HD; 5d8+25) (Bestiary 281)” then page 58 is the image currently on page 59. Then page 59 starts with “22. The Balor’s Tower (CR 9)…”.
Page 63 A great improvement over the image presentation on page 78 of the old doc.
Page 64 Cocytus map is much improved though I’d much prefer having this as a full page image.
Page 65 That’s a great image for “Vehn the Exile” in humanoid form. I’d include the image for Vehn in hybrid form as well (from page 82 of the old doc). Again I’d have his full write-up inline rather than refer back and forth to the appendix.
Page 66 I’d definitely return the shark and diving bell image from page 83 of the old doc to page 66 of the new one.
Page 67 While the image is interesting, the one you had on page 85 of the old doc is more appropriate.
Page 68 The map from page 86 of the old doc is better coloured, larger (always ideal), and easier to read.
Page 69 Gurdansk image is a definite improvement over the one on page 87 of the old doc.
Page 71 Caahn’s lighter-shaded hands and left bicep look much better here than they do on page 89 of the old doc.
Page 73 How cool is that picture! It looks much better than the version on page 93 of the old doc.
Page 76 Light-shaded picture looks better than it did on page 96 of the old doc. Consider elongating the sphere by 1cm to include more of the original picture.
Page 78 Agreed, the image that was on page 97 of the old doc had to go.
Consider a page break after “The granted request will follow the same basic principles of a wish spell.” Then have “Riven – Level 2” map as page 79 (rather than the current page 80) followed by a new page 80 that starts with "Riven - Level 2 It is as cold on Level 2 as elsewhere in Riven.”.
Page 88 The new Squinnamorg pic is awesome. A great improvement over the one on page 112 of the old doc.
Page 89 Consider returning the image of Erihil from page 113 of the old doc to page 83 of the new one.
Page 91 I would return the image of Bleg you have on page 115 of the old doc.
Page 92 I love the new yellow parchment background for maps like this one.
Page 96 I think the Lemure swarm image from page 121 of the old doc could be reused here.
Page 101 It would be good to have NPC survivor stats and pictures inline rather than in the appendix.
P.S. The picture of Vorren Mallorn on page 129 of the old doc is exceptionally good ;)
Page 104 Much better to see more of the picture here. Again though the sharpness and thus enjoyment is savagely reduced compared to that on page 130 of the old doc.
Dotted
I do like what you did with the Lost City!
Really appreciate the work! Will run this for my group after RotRL, since they will be about the right level for it. The treasure from Xin-Shalast will fund some much-needed gear to survive the module. XD
Castle AMber! That was one weird module. :) A group on Rpg.net played through it and took nothing seriously, it was a blast.
I think the file may have been taken down. =(
Does anyone still have a copy of this?
Hmm....BUMP!
Add me to the list of people curious to see if this conversion is still around somewhere. Especially since I've been using elements of this module in my current game anyway!
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Ross - Let me know if people are sharing links or such I need to take down. Thanks for your help.
~D
A question for Ross, Daemonslye, et al. Basically, this conversion cannot be hosted/linked on Paizo at all then? Or was the problem a question of distribution of the converted adventure?
Consider me curious as to what is exactly allowed and what isn't, especially considering I'm in the middle of my own conversion project right now as well.
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A question for Ross, Daemonslye, et al. Basically, this conversion cannot be hosted/linked on Paizo at all then? Or was the problem a question of distribution of the converted adventure?
Pretty much all of the above - They pointed me to the OGL; Check it out: PF OGL;
If you do work on conversions, you need to be careful; Which means the safest route is to keep it to your own game and not share it. Anything more than this is a risk - it's just not clear (legally) how far you can go. Stating up a movie character? Stating up a variant mind flayer? (saying the words "mind flayer"? Oh no, I did it again! Ni!) Using someone's artwork? Emailing conversions around (KotB for example)? Derivative work on a story developed (and protected/owned) by someone else? Who really knows? It's all just different levels of risk. As much as I would want the community, including the companies producing games and art to support this fan-based work, companies are *not* people (sorry, Mitt), and you can't trust they will not act to "protect their property" given their risk of having it taken and mis-used at will. Which is just how things work (not bad or good really; Maybe "true neutral"? Nah, "lawful neutral" then ;^).
Let's not turn the thread into a discussion on IP. Maybe we should just lock it.
~D
If anybody has this file, can you PM me? I'd LOVE to have the conversion!
cast raise dead...
anyone have a copy just the conversion stuff...
Ditto... I have started running this and my players loved it. If a copy of the complete or near complete work exists in somewhere in the multiverse I would be eternally grateful should it find it's way into my inbox...
Ditto for me, please! I emailed Daemonslye about 10 days ago and have not heard back.