Make it a singing pineapple and *I'll* make it a star!!!
The pineapple shall be home to Patrick, a starfish of renown.
I've been up all night waiting for the Passover Pineapple.
Nothing really was…
…Anything.
I only eat GoatToucher meals on holidays.
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You snooze, you lose.
Quick as a flash, you gets the trash.
Maybe you’re fickle, and only eats pickles.
Maybe you're fussy.
Who would want to admit him as a parent?
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Oh, there are probanly half a score or so cambions around the place with the distinctive Malodor Squint, but none of them will admit being mine.
Cambions who might be harvested for their valuable portions in order to concoct a curse, spell, or reagent to blight all of your line.
One would do well to be be careful with one's fluids, dear Count. The act that creates progeny is a pastime. Fathering or bearing children is a more notable matter.
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Much as I agree that Alphonse should be far, far more careful with what he's doing with his fluids, I'm not sure it'd be possible for us to be blighted any further. I mean, look at him.
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Cambions who might be harvested for their valuable portions in order to concoct a curse, spell, or reagent to blight all of your line.
One would do well to be be careful with one's fluids, dear Count. The act that creates progeny is a pastime. Fathering or bearing children is a more notable matter.
I wish that someone had informed me of that earlier, after all, it's not always just blood that I'm after when I seek out a young maiden. Combined with the fact that I am several millennia in age and enjoy surrounding myself with pleasurable company, I was bound to sire "ravenous leeches" by the barrel.
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Hello everyone, Dr Albert Wily here - filling in for Count Reiner Heydrich, while he is away on other official business - giving you the latest on the current Blood Bowl match as we still have the Norsca Rampagers taking on the High Seas Surfriders! And what a match it has been. The Norse team's linemen have been getting drunk thanks to their beer boars (how do the valkyries control them?), while the Elven Union's coach has been bribing the referee nonstop!
Right now, the scores are: Norsca Rampagers - 100, High Seas Surfriders - 60!
I expected better of Rampagers. The Surfriders should not have scored a single touchdown.
Myself, I'm looking forward to the Blood Crown Green Bowls tournament.
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*A portal opens up, Count Reiner Heydrich steps through it, carrying a large sack.*
I know that Easter has been and gone, but I just had to do a little egg hunting!
*Tips the contents of the sack out, revealing a bizarre collection of eggs.*
Got these from a universe with a caveman time detective (named Flint, real creative)! These particular beauties are called "Monster Eggs" (although they do sometimes get referred to as fossils), and they hatch into magical creatures known as "Time-Shifters". Each one is capable of extraordinary things and brimming with potential!
Sneaks in and steals one of the eggs. Gets away without anyone noticing.
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*Gets a sneaky suspicion, counts the eggs, gets confused.*
An egg is missing. That's unfortunate, now I won't be able to give one to Cluny the Scourge.
*Shrugs.*
Oh well, I'll still be able to give some to other people.
*Begins sorting the eggs into different piles (turns out, there's three of each).*
This first pile is mine, the second pile is for GoatToucher, and this pile...
*Points to the pile with one less egg in it.*
Is to be divided equally to everyone else (one each, specifically).
If I sit on it for long enough, will it hatch out Jesus?
Enters the scene, wearing white briefs, and a red cape. Begins to sing in falsetto.
“Super strength and termite powers.”
“Super strength! And termite powers!”
“Super. Strength and termite poWers!”
”Termite powers! Yeah, yeah, termite powers…”
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*Hands an egg to Pulg, it's light brown in colour and looks hairy.*
Not sure if it will hatch out that particular individual, but it'll be something really good.
*Gives Waterhammer an egg as well, this one being orange with a silver insect pattern.*
I think that this is one which meets your prerequisites, have fun regardless though.
*Begins passing the rest of the eggs out (excluding the ones for GoatToucher).*
:nods encouragingly to those assembled: Please. Take them.
I made them myself!
:taps fingertips together, watching with barely contained glee:
*After a prolonged period of incubation, what hatches is not, in fact, the son of God, but a large and very disappointed tapeworm*
Nothing here for you, matey - you want someone with a stomach. Sorry!
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Pulg, you misunderstand. Time-Shifters (by default) have a chibi appearance and are able to transform into a bigger (and as such, stronger) form, either a bad transformation (referred to as a "kon" form) or a super transformation (referred to as a "master" form).
*Gestures to the tapeworm looking Time-Shifter.*
This little guy specialises in generating and controlling electricity!
*Hands GoatToucher the pile of eggs designated for him.*
A trade it is then, GoatToucher, I just hope that it's not one I'll deeply regret!
It hasn't been that long since my rebirth, but even I know that you are going to regret any dealings with Senor GoatToucher, even when you come out ahead.
Alphonse, you filthy, wretched boy, pull your britches UP when you're squatting on those eggs, and Juliette, remember that a Lady never hatches her own brood.
Auntie Gertrude is an Abyssal pelican.
Auntie Gertrude did.
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@Countess Clarissia von Schism: I know that I'm going to regret it as well.
Hence why I said that I hope it isn't deep regret.
@ Dowager Comtessa de Malodor: I can see that you and your family are busy with your own set of eggs, so I'll wait for a while to give over the ones that I've picked out for you. Fortunately, you don't need to hatch these ones, they can awaken on their own. And we all know that an Abyssal pelican is no lady!
I didn't know you were psychic Comtesse de Malodor?
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My psionic powers are legendary.
They are. How else could she have found out about Sabrina?
And Roxxxy
And Ruby
And Candy
And Yulia
And Aletta
And Khrysthal
And Myighaen
And Versace
And Petal Kitten, etc etc
Examines the eggs
Hm. Better hurry Count, a few of them are getting dangerously close to being too cold to survive.
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Odd, they've never had that problem before. Maybe it's because they are from another universe, and so are finding it difficult to adjust to the situation right now. Thanks for bringing this to my attention, Dr G House.
*Hands the good doctor a monster egg that is a soft white with a red cross on it.*
I believe that this one is just perfect for you!