{Mimes vigorously}
You ripped my tongue out, huh? Well, that ain't worth a lick! Hyukyukyukyukyokyaa!
Marvellous work, my daughter! That's a top grade for you.
*Presents highest reward to Vampire Schism.*
The only way to improve your performance would be by using the GoatToucher technique.
*Writes a few things down on a piece of paper.*
But, that was not necessary, what you did was exemplary enough.
*Hands the piece of paper to Vampire Schism.*
For your next assignment, I want you to collect data on the Power Rangers universe.
*Looks firmly at Vampire Schism whilst tapping the piece of paper.*
Remember to follow the instructions exactly:
1) List all known and current Power Rangers
I'll start.
Tartan Ranger
Paisley Ranger
Cavalry Twill Ranger
Sanatogen Tonic Wine Ranger
Theorbo Ranger
Macerated Fig Ranger
Battery Powered Milky Pop Ranger
Hyd Ranger
Th
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Knocks Chuck Les unconscious and ties him to a chair.
Splashes him with ice cold water to wake him up.First, you insert the mouth spreader and open the mouth half an inch wider than the person normally can.
Second, you take the barbed pliers and slowly squeeze them around the tongue.
Third, censored
Fourth, censored
Fifth, censoredAnd that is the proper way.
:smiling and sipping a small glass of... something, holds up a gilded placard bearing a jeweled number 8:
I prefer Jupiter Juice myself.
How many tongues does Chuck Les have?
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If he only has one, it is one too many.
Okay! Who programmed the interdimensional transporter?
It sent me to the Power Puff Girl universe.
I've been battling the 3 girls for over a week.
If it weren't for Him distracting them, I never would have gotten back.
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*Goes into a furious rage.*
*Calms down a little, after gutting Pulg like a fish (somehow).*
Right, let's see if I can fix this...
*Types in the correct coordinates on the Interdimensional Transporter, and locks it.*
Here we are, that should do it! You can enter the right universe now, Vampire Schism.
*Double checks the locking mechanism on the Interdimensional Transporter.*
Perfect! Now only I can access it!
Well hello Reindeer Baby! Welcome to the smurfyverse.
Aren’t you glad you double locked the trainspotter?
What you do with trainspotters in your Private Time is none of our business.
Okay. That machine is faulty.
This time it sent me to a universe where lots of people with super powers were being murdered.
I got out of there fast.
Agreed! Also, who were those blue guys talking to?
Cher.
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@Pulg: I thought as much, the woman does tour a lot these days.
@Vampire Schism: Batwing blisters! I'll have to handle this manually!
*Forcibly rips open a dimensional rift to the Power Rangers universe.*
This is quite risky, but it'll definitely work! Brace yourself now, daughter!
*Grabs Vampire Schism and throws her into the dimensional rift before it forcibly closes.*
Done! That was exhausting!
Nope. Still in the Smurfyverse.
We do have blue power smurfs, though.
I did. That uncanny, ivory-white, ageless, immobile countenance! The hypnotic, staring eyes, empty, soulless, and gleaming with an insatiable, unnatural hunger! The crimson-stained lips! The gold lamé mesh bikini!
THEY'D CALL US,
STRIGOI, VAMPS AND PIRES (etc.)
How am I supposed to get back?
blink
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That's it, I'm going to do what I should have done years ago!
*Finally pays the optician so that Pulg and the little blue dudes get their glasses.*
I hope you're happy now, those things cost me a fortune!
*Starts grumbling about losing money (despite having infinite wealth).*
And no getting back until you task is done my daughter, our future army needs it!
I sense via echolocation, but I appreciate the thought. Possibly I can set fire to myself if I lean at the right angle in direct sunlight...
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Transmits through the ether between universes
A nice lady name Rita gave me this information.
I double checked everything before sending this to you father.
Here are the Power Rangers
Jason Lee Scott
The first Red Ranger and the team's first leader. He wields the Power Sword, and pilots the Tyrannosaurus Dinozord and the Red Dragon Thunderzord.
Trini Kwan
The first Yellow Ranger. She wields the Power Daggers, and pilots the Saber-Toothed Tiger Dinozord and the Griffin Thunderzord.
Zack Taylor
The first Black Ranger and the team's first second-in-command. He wields the Power Axe, and pilots the Mastodon Dinozord and the Lion Thunderzord.
Kimberly Hart
The first Pink Ranger and the first Pink Ninja Ranger. She wields the Power Bow, and pilots the Pterodactyl Dinozord, the Firebird Thunderzord, and the Crane Ninjazord.
Billy Cranston
The Blue Ranger and the Blue Ninja Ranger; also becomes the longest-lasting member of the original team. He wields the Power Lance, and pilots the Triceratops Dinozord, the Unicorn Thunderzord, the Wolf Ninjazord, and the Blue Shogunzord.
Tommy Oliver
The Green Ranger; later the White Ranger, the White Ninja Ranger, and the team's second leader. He wields the Dragon Dagger (as the Green Ranger) and the Saba Sword (as the White Ranger), and pilots the Dragonzord, the White Tigerzord, the Falcon Ninjazord, and the White Shogunzord (with Katherine).
Rocky DeSantos
The second Red Ranger, the Red Ninja Ranger and the team's new second-in-command. He pilots the Red Dragon Thunderzord (after Jason), the Ape Ninjazord, and the Red Shogunzord.
Aisha Campbell
The second Yellow Ranger and the Yellow Ninja Ranger. She pilots the Griffin Thunderzord (after Trini), the Bear Ninjazord, and the Yellow Shogunzord.
Adam Park
The second Black Ranger and the Black Ninja Ranger. He pilots the Lion Thunderzord (after Zack), the Frog Ninjazord, and the Black Shogunzord.
Katherine "Kat" Hillard
The second Pink Ranger and the second Pink Ninja Ranger. She pilots the Crane Ninjazord (after Kimberly) and the White Shogunzord (with Tommy).
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Excellent work my daughter, you'll make a fine Empress of Evil some day.
Now, continue your research, document all that you can about that universe.
Speak more with this Rita, perhaps she can help us in our conquest!
Or, if not her, maybe someone else. We need allies to gain control of the Paizo universe!
Uh, you do know the golem has defeated all who have tried in the past don't you???
She's renting dentures from Gnashers4U.co.ro at the moment.
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Damn it! Who deified Wile E. Coyote?!
Alright, here's the compressed air - let's get these goblins reinflated. You too, Fester
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I was able to gather info on the people the Power Rangers fought, but nobody except them know what powers they have and I couldn't get any of them to talk.
Rita Repulsa
Lord Zedd
Goldar
Rito Revolto
Scorpina
Finster
Squatt
Baboo
Master Vile
Lokar
Putty Patrollers
Tenga Warriors
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Good work, my daughter, you have done exceptionally well. You may head home now.
I was able to reach the Power Rangers universe myself, and was able to make an agreement with someone calling himself Ivan Ooze. With his help, I was able to gain access to a place called "The Command Centre" and use the technology within (as well as subjugating some giant -and very annoying- head in a time-loop jar named Zordon) to acquire all the knowledge about the Power Rangers throughout time and space in their vast multiverse I desire.
Now my plans can enter Stage 3 of my conquest...
You will have to bring me home father.
The trans-dimensional recall only works when the machine was used.
May I offer you some of these jumbo sized and unusually shaped scented candles?
Mummy, no!
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Calm down, Juliette was it?, your mother has every right to offer candles.
*Inspects the candles, unable to hide the look of disgust.*
Even if they are the ones you bought for her "something" birthday...
*Gets looked at weirdly by Vampire Schism.*
A gentleman never asks a lady her age, her height or her weight.
Especially if all three numbers happen to be the same.
Not possible, unless it a baby and less than a month old.
starts preparing the VIP guest room.
Assigns the rest to the maids.
Don't say the M Word out loud! You know what'll happen!
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*Greets Lady Blackmoor with a handshake (presumably to be sarcastic).*
Hi, I'm an unrepentant evil vampire lord intent on spreading fear and darkness to all four corners of the world and beyond. Your mother isn't the being from the great plains of evil that I've seen, and nor will she be the last.
As such, I find it quite refreshing to behold such a display of malignant majesty!
And rhen the snakes were turned into trombones.
The snakes were named Rhen?
Sister is not going to be pleased.