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Sovereign Court

The self styled doctor didn’t say:”Hair it is.” After examining Pulg. Makes me think he’s a quack.


The webbed feet and beak gave it away for me.

Sovereign Court

I'm too dignified for puns, especially the obvious ones.

Beyond that, how are you feeling Pulg? Your wives never called to report on your condition.

Sovereign Court

Too sexy for your shirt too, I bet.


He's entirely wrapped in tinfoil at the moment, so is rather hard to communicate with, and has rejected your pills in favour of manticore deworming suppositories.

Sovereign Court

Typical! Everyone always uses remedies provided by GoatToucher!

Sovereign Court

So, he’s ready to cook?


If you like the taste and smell of baked hair, sure.

Sovereign Court

Baked hare isn't that bad actually, but there's not much meat on the bones.


Not even enough for a mouthful.

Sovereign Court

True, but I'm not too worried. I often settle for a quick bite.

Sovereign Court

Pulg's Wives wrote:
If you like the taste and smell of baked hair, sure.

Baked hare. I think you meant to say. Similar to delicious baked coney.

I could have been suggesting that Pulg would be doing the cooking BTW.


Might we suggest that you throw one of us at the back of his head? That way, he'll snap out of his Infowars-inspired delerium and can make everybody a delicious bowl of nourishing chicken soup.

Sovereign Court

No offense, but it's his own fault for using GoatToucher brand deworming suppositories.

On a different note, Jurassic Bard is going to make a new aliases based on a Power Rangers villian (key antagonists/generals - including Ivan Ooze, but not monster of the week or minions - such as the putties, and I don't see why he couldn't have said this himself) and that he's taking suggestions (Mighty Morphin to Beast Morpheus as Dino Fury is still running). So, fans of the show and beyond, submit your votes! :-)

Sovereign Court

Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:

No offense, but it's his own fault for using GoatToucher brand deworming suppositories.

On a different note, Jurassic Bard is going to make a new aliases based on a Power Rangers villian (key antagonists/generals - including Ivan Ooze, but not monster of the week or minions - such as the putties, and I don't see why he couldn't have said this himself) and that he's taking suggestions (Mighty Morphin to Beast Morpheus as Dino Fury is still running). So, fans of the show and beyond, submit your votes! :-)

I was busy ok?! And it has nothing to do with us being the same person! :-)


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Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:

No offense, but it's his own fault for using GoatToucher brand deworming suppositories.

All the more reason to throw bricks at his head.

Sovereign Court

I like the way you ladies think! Why does Pulg use GoatToucher brand products anyway?


*clack*


Couldn't have said it better myself.


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GoatToucher Brand Deworming Suppositories: The difference is in the spines.

Sovereign Court

*In a voice that seems to be full of sarcasm, but not for definite.*

Very nice, please do tell us what else you have.

Sovereign Court

Going back a few posts, I meant to say Morphers not Morpheus.


I thought you said that you had Beast 'Smores For Us, and was wondering what Beast 'Smores were. Probably another Exciting GoatToucher Brand (tm) Product.

Sovereign Court

*Quickly covers Pulg's mouth with my hand.*

Shush, you fool! Don't wake the monster any more than it already is!


Pulls out "Super Hair Glue" and sprays it all over Pulg.
Spritz

Sovereign Court

Thanks Schism, I was really worried that "You-Know-Who" was going to show up again.

Remember, if you must say his name, only whisper it and pray he chooses to be ignorant.

And for those of you who, somehow, don't know who I'm talking about. It's...

*In a hushed whisper.* GoatToucher.


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GOAT-TOUCHER, GOAT-TOUCHER, TOUCH ME A GOAT!
WHILST RRRIDEEENG A SCOOTER OR ROWEEENG A BOAT,
GOAT-TOUCHER, GOAT-TOUCHER, GO TO THE LAAAB,
EEN YOUR G-STRING, AND GIANT'S FORESKEEN COAT


Roo prooprooproo!

Sovereign Court

Oh no! We're doomed! We're all doomed!

Sovereign Court

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In the beginning there were goats. And the goats did wander in the earth. And there was discontent among the goats. And the goats did say: (in goat speak, of course.) “Let us call unto the universe, that we be granted a touching hand.
And the universe did listen unto their plea, and did grant them a GoatToucher.
And yea, did the goats rejoice?

Sovereign Court

No, of course they didn't! The universe played a most cruel and terrible joke!

But, more importantly, when will GoatToucher strike us?!

Please, if anyone knows it's you! When will he attack us?! When?! When!?

Sovereign Court

Yeah, I know that this is bad, really bad as a matter of fact.

Still, someone obviously needs to take a massive chill pill!


Goats on the menu boys!

Sovereign Court

Are you sure that you want to eat them after GoatToucher has had his way with them?


I'm not sure there'd be much *to* eat.

Sovereign Court

That's exactly the point I was making...

Hold on, you're not speaking with your mouth (as Schism sprayed "Super Hair Glue" all over you).

Are you something of a psychic?

Sovereign Court

I've also just learnt that there's going to be a Power Rangers RPG, it's so exciting! :-)

Sovereign Court

Of all the GoatToucher products, the cheese is the best.

Wanted to say, that it’s very Gouda cheese, but Gouda ain’t goat cheese. So that pun fails.


Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:

That's exactly the point I was making...

Hold on, you're not speaking with your mouth (as Schism sprayed "Super Hair Glue" all over you).

Are you something of a psychic?

I am communicating via Hair Semaphore, and smells.

Sovereign Court

That explains quite a lot actually.

Your wives can't kill you sooner.


The when wrote:

In the beginning there were goats. And the goats did wander in the earth. And there was discontent among the goats. And the goats did say: (in goat speak, of course.) “Let us call unto the universe, that we be granted a touching hand.

And the universe did listen unto their plea, and did grant them a GoatToucher.
And yea, did the goats rejoice?

My goodness, no.


Pulg's Fairy Operatic Tenor wrote:

GOAT-TOUCHER, GOAT-TOUCHER, TOUCH ME A GOAT!

WHILST RRRIDEEENG A SCOOTER OR ROWEEENG A BOAT,
GOAT-TOUCHER, GOAT-TOUCHER, GO TO THE LAAAB,
EEN YOUR G-STRING, AND GIANT'S FORESKEEN COAT

It's surprisingly warm, and feels delightful on bare skin.


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Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:
Are you sure that you want to eat them after GoatToucher has had his way with them?

I am certain that your definition of "had his way with them" and mine are far different.

We're you to find out, you would doubtless spiral into madness, thus becoming much more interesting.


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Mr. Grinch wrote:

No, of course they didn't! The universe played a most cruel and terrible joke!

But, more importantly, when will GoatToucher strike us?!

Please, if anyone knows it's you! When will he attack us?! When?! When!?

Attack? Never. Everything I do is designed to delight all involved parties and is completely consensual...

...eventually...


1 person marked this as a favorite.
Dr. Albert W. Wily wrote:

*In a voice that seems to be full of sarcasm, but not for definite.*

Very nice, please do tell us what else you have.

Some highlights from our fall collection include:

Goat Toucher Brand Otyugh Treats (Now with more Elves!)

Goat Toucher Brand Monkey Grease

Goat Toucher Brand Personal Lubricant (Habanero flavor!)

Goat Toucher Brand Radial Tires

Goat Toucher Brand Luncheon Meat of the Month Club

Goat Toucher Brand Unsanded Wood Speculum

Goat Toucher Brand Cologne: "Bouc Toucher pour THEM", available in sandalwood, lavender, and your parents bedroom, post coitus.

Goat Toucher Brand Unsanded Wood Sounding Rods

Goat Toucher Brand Grape-Flavored Beverage Drink

And Goat Toucher Brand Cotton Swabs: Extra Prickly


GoatToucher wrote:
Pulg's Fairy Operatic Tenor wrote:

GOAT-TOUCHER, GOAT-TOUCHER, TOUCH ME A GOAT!

WHILST RRRIDEEENG A SCOOTER OR ROWEEENG A BOAT,
GOAT-TOUCHER, GOAT-TOUCHER, GO TO THE LAAAB,
EEN YOUR G-STRING, AND GIANT'S FORESKEEN COAT
It's surprisingly warm, and feels delightful on bare skin.

Very possibly. You might have removed the rest of the giant first, though.


Count Reiner Heydrich wrote:

That explains quite a lot actually.

Your wives can't kill you sooner.

No, they can't. The timeslot assigned for Pulg's demise is 12:00pm-15:45, and we must keep to schedule.

Sovereign Court

If that's the case, then why isn't he dead yet?

Sovereign Court

I’m pleased to announce, The when’s Sandpaper Emporium. Seems a lot of the GoatToucher items come unfinished . I’ll be offering a variety of grits for that custom finish.


Well, this is grand. No need to work, or pay rent, and I get to wander around all night sans trousers going wooooooo and walking through walls, or climbing out of medium's noses

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