Hey there! Thanks for doing this!
---------------
Dancing Scarf
Aura: Strong Illusion and Transmutation; CL 17
Slot: Neck; Price: 25,000 GP, 38,500 GP (weapon version); Weight: 1.5 lbs. (2 lbs.)
When the person wearing the Dancing Scarf strikes an eye-catching pose, a gust of wind comes out of nowhere, blowing the Dancing Scarf in a hypnotic pattern with small streams of colors and shapes being discharged off the end of the Dancing Scarf. This wind seems to have an unnatural influence to draw the attention of a crowd to the wearer of the Dancing Scarf whom wants to address the crowd. As the Dancing Scarf dances in the wind, which is now focused around the Dancing Scarf, it fascinates all who lay their eyes on the wearer as a gaze attack with a 75-foot range (Will DC 20 + the wearer’s Charisma modifier negates) for a number of rounds equal to the wearer’s Charisma Modifier. This effect can be used up to 20 rounds per day, broken up however the wearer sees fit. Additionally, the Dancing Scarf gives the wearer a +5 to all Charisma based skill checks.
Finally, the Dancing Scarf has, on rare occasions, been crafted as a weapon with the same stats as a +2 magic Bladed Scarf (Pathfinder Chronicles, pg. 209). As a weapon, this counts as an exotic weapon for weapon proficiencies.
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, eagle’s splendor, gust of wind, hypnotic pattern; Cost: 12,500 GP, 19,250 (weapon version)
---------------------
Ok, so I know what I did wrong with my math, but I was wondering what you had to think of the item itself. Is it a sound idea, what was it's biggest problem? Was I too ambitious with it?
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
|
Stone Baby
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7th
Slot held; Price 39,200 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
A stone baby is the result of a failed pregnancy in which the fetus is not expelled after death and is too large to be absorbed by the mother’s body.
Wow... I didn't catch this on first browse. I think you went right around gross and into creepy/ disturbing, and not entirely in a good way. Your item creates strong emotional response which is good, but goes too far. I couldn't see any game company publishing this and very few groups would use the item.
This item is in a weird position of being a beneficial protective item but you almost have to be evil to create it. "Almost" because it's debatable (like animating a corpse).
As mentioned there is no 'held' slot, it is perfectly valid to say it must held for it to be active though (see the cheerful mug for an example), just don't list it as a slot. Making this is too byzantine and obscure, it requires grave robbing a specific type of corpse...
You turned the disturbing nob up to 12, next year dial it back to 10 and you have a solid item.
|
Re: Az
Perhaps it was a bit set piece, but I know that when I presented it to my Beloved Spouse (Kobold chorus: "We love you!") she immediately wanted one for at least one of our parties to use.
I can totally see the 'plot device' aspect of this, but I also am coming at this from a different angle in that one of the games that I play in recently went in a 'landholder' direction, and as such that PC would totally love one of these mirrors.
Just my 2cp. Would still like to know if I went over word count so that I can either stop feeling stupid or start truly wallowing in it. *grins*
Marathon Voter Season 7
|
Dancing ScarfAura: Strong Illusion and Transmutation; CL 17
Slot: Neck; Price: 25,000 GP, 38,500 GP (weapon version); Weight: 1.5 lbs. (2 lbs)...
First off - your description is far too wordy - it needs severely tightened up. For example. A dancing scarf, when worn and activated, moves on an invisible wind in hypnotic, eye-catching patterns fascinating, as a gaze attack, anyone in a 75 foot range who fails a will save (DC 20). The wearer can use this effect for up to 20 rounds in a day, though the rounds do not need to be consecutive. The scarf grants a +5 bonus to all charisma based skill checks.
That being said, in my opinion the item itself has potential, though I would drop the weapon reference completely. Also, granting bonuses based on the users charisma is problematic as it changes the potential cost of the item.
Protector’s Ink
** spoiler omitted **The most flavorful use of this (and the one most adding to the game) would be a villain using this on the princess he has taken hostage, and showing the heroes that any harm they inflict on him is instead suffered by her. Because now the Characters have to think of a way to defeat the villain without harming the princess ( too much) but this application would be best suited as a plot device.
Thank you for your thoughtful feedback and tons of it – not just for me – but it looks like feedback for everyone who participated! I appreciate it very much.
I may have not have made the final cut but the response I’ve received has been fun. I’ve got a handful of emails from folks who have shared with me that this is more of a plot level device. Although two folks shared that they plan to use it their home games.
My idea when I came up with it was to use it in a game I run with a player (a Rogue) who is always trying to screw the party or NPC’s (in the game, he’s not a jerk in real life) with quick rich schemes. In the game I’m running he needs the group’s help because he agreed to protect the young son of a rich landowner, demanded payment in full and skipped town. But the landowner marked him with Protector’s Ink (which the rogue didn’t take seriously) and now the boy has been kidnapped. :)
In retrospect – the obvious flaw in my coming up with the item is apparent now. But crafting the item and the response I’ve gotten has been fun! And there’s always next year…
I'm tempted to use it as part of a mod pitch for PFS...although I'll make sure to disclose that up front so I am not accused of pulling a fast one!
Thanks again!
... We cant go through all thousand or so items and edit all that out. This process of posting and asking for feedback is the best way to do it.
What if we paid for it? I thought about asking at entry weather the submitter wanted feedback or not. For a small fee the editing could be done, but only for those who requested it. Of course you would have to stop offering all this free feedback, or more likely, Paizo will have to wait until Clark is not judging (RPG superstar 2049?!) *grin*
This process of posting and asking for feedback is the best way to do it.
Agreed, whatever my frustration, agreed, one billion percent. This is the legal-but-quite-cool-way. Do it.
I'm very greedy,
can spend a lot of time navigating to find about *my* item,
while disregarding other "sub-" items that are not mine ;)
How can I do, Clark's thread was a treat, and now it's a ... you jerk ;)
just waiting, still smiling,
think that even if I have no feedback (sorry Jason but you own one non-magical, and since you took so many Attacks Of Opportunity(ies), I can no longer spea to you ;)
guess, I'll do it with something more "exciting" next year, just thought that the gimmick could do it, witout fuss.
just waiting, still smiling.
Gilles.
Stone Baby
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7th
Slot held; Price 39,200 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
A stone baby is the result of a failed pregnancy in which the fetus is not expelled after death and is too large to be absorbed by the mother’s body.Wow... I didn't catch this on first browse. I think you went right around gross and into creepy/ disturbing, and not entirely in a good way. Your item creates strong emotional response which is good, but goes too far. I couldn't see any game company publishing this and very few groups would use the item.
This item is in a weird position of being a beneficial protective item but you almost have to be evil to create it. "Almost" because it's debatable (like animating a corpse).
As mentioned there is no 'held' slot, it is perfectly valid to say it must held for it to be active though (see the cheerful mug for an example), just don't list it as a slot. Making this is too byzantine and obscure, it requires grave robbing a specific type of corpse...
You turned the disturbing nob up to 12, next year dial it back to 10 and you have a solid item.
It could be published in The Book of Erotic Horror...along with other creepy stuff that's best left in certain people's bedrooms.
/shudder
Ah, that would make a nice coffee table book, right next to my Gideon Bible, Origin of the Species, and Catcher In the Rye.
Chief Technical Officer
|
Stone Baby (Yes—I'm skipping a bunch, because the judges' discussion for this one stuck in my mind).
Clark was fighting for you on this one; he thought it was cool. Mechanically, he thought the continuous effect is probably too good, though, and that's something that also made Sean wary.
First and foremost, Sean thought it's gross. And mechanically, it left a bunch of questions. How do you retrieve the fetus to make the item in the first place? What does it look like—a statue, a phylactery, a calcified fetus? The "cradling" thing is also kind of making up a new slot, and the fact that cradling it is more restrictive than say, using a rod, leads to pricing questions.
Wes started out by saying that this is not something Paizo would publish; he feels it's "gonzo for gonzo's sake," and goes too far. And ultimately, it's really just the sum of its spells—if you took away the gross, and made it just a simple amulet that had exactly the same effect, he'd have rejected it for being dull.
I'll riff off Wes, and suggest that next year, focus more on being mechanically interesting and less on being shocking.
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7
|
Hey Vic, I just wanted to say thanks for putting up the judges comments. I'm sure we all can only imagine how swamped they are right now with the contest and their actual jobs on top of it.
Also, I wanted to give a big thanks to Azmahel for the commenting/reviewing machine he is in this thread. Great work and thanks for the feedback. :) I had actually thought of using an illusion function to give the visual of the killing blow (Blood of the Martyr), but axed it for cost considerations. And yes, leaving the wearer at 1 HP would have more of a dramatic impact for the item. Oh, and the little snippet of text that you recommended removing was pulled from two similar items in the PFRPG Core Rules; figured I would include it as continuity text for this style of item. If I had been close to the word limit, it would have been the first thing cut. Thanks again for the feedback. :)
Wicht- sorry to post this here but I didn't find a way to PM you (Does Paizo even have that option on its forums?).
I don't know if you saw it (since you cross-posted with me the moment that I posted the post) but a few pages back, I left a few comments in regard to one of your childrens' items. Just wanted to make sure you saw it. I would not be writing this post if we hadn't cross-posted. Best Wishes.
|
RPG Superstar 2013
,
Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
|
RE Stone bby
Aside from its complete inappropriateness, the stone baby suffers from many design questions. It doesn't have a slot. It is yet another 'screw the undead til no one bothers' item. It uses clunky language. I get some people will accept its grossness as originality, but I don't see shocking as clever, just shocking. I don't mean to insult the author - this is only a cooment on the item itself, but I feel anyone can pick something disturbing and try to attach a few related spell effects and call it a theme. A miscarriage doesn't really even have a relation to negative energy. It's presented as a calcified corpse that might stick to mama's rib cage, but then you have to hold it on one hand to use its ability. It leaves this and several other questions unanswered, and I think its crafting requirements are just poor design.
I think if you want to disturb your audience a little to keep everyone's attention, that's fine. However, I think this goes way too far, and doesn't provide a tightly themed item once you go that distance. I am extremely unlikely to ever go out on that limb with you in my game at home. If I do, the ride absolutely has to be worth it, and this one is not.
Not to pile on, but....
Do you have any idea of the pain that introducing this item could cause to a player? I know that at least one of my players has had to deal with the loss of an unborn child, and there is absolutely no way I would risk invoking that memory in a roleplaying game. No way, no how.
Dancing ScarfAura: Strong Illusion and Transmutation; CL 17
Slot: Neck; Price: 25,000 GP, 38,500 GP (weapon version); Weight: 1.5 lbs. (2 lbs)...First off - your description is far too wordy - it needs severely tightened up. For example. A dancing scarf, when worn and activated, moves on an invisible wind in hypnotic, eye-catching patterns fascinating, as a gaze attack, anyone in a 75 foot range who fails a will save (DC 20). The wearer can use this effect for up to 20 rounds in a day, though the rounds do not need to be consecutive. The scarf grants a +5 bonus to all charisma based skill checks.
That being said, in my opinion the item itself has potential, though I would drop the weapon reference completely. Also, granting bonuses based on the users charisma is problematic as it changes the potential cost of the item.
Hmmmm... Thanks for the ideas and feedback. I figured that I could have gotten too wordy too, but that was a risk. The idea was to have something that makes it easier to convince larger groups to work with you. Something for a politician or speaker or something like that. Not just for a Bard, but for that character that needs to take on that roll if needed. Anyway, thanks for the help and this will help me a lot for next year.
We all felt this was a mess mechanically.
I wrote:
"Is "engaged" a mechanic in Pathfinder? Hit points under 15%?
Save or die? Old school!! Nice!! Oh, wait, no that is one of the bad things from old school design. ;) Same level or greater? Where does that effect come from? Resonate with the rhythmic beats of drumming?
I'm not even touching the nightmare thing. This is a mechanical mess.
This screams "home campaign item." Yeah, I bet this is awesome in your campaign."
No harsh criticism. Just all felt it was a spell in a can with an interesting no memory side effect. Nothing really special to advance it to superstar status. This was a good but not good enough item. Now, if a kid did this then they have my eternal respect. You have adult designers who can't do this. Nice work. Keep it up.
You needed an edit. Spell checking is not editing.
"As long as it least to person wearing and armband..."
Sean and I also discussed the issue of a lack of range.
I wrote:
"Clearly, the exploit here is just to have each party member get a henchman or a friendly cleric in town and buy these and give one to the henchman/friendly cleric; then stick the friend in the local good temple of healing. And voila, each PC in the party gets an additional 30+20+20 hp per day! Too abusable. Same plane is not enough. This might have been ok had it had a range of 100 feet. That would let the party switch hit points. That is less abusable."
Clark, if you could be so kind as to layeth the critique smack down.
The feeling was:
While the effect isn't terrible - though splitting your cure spell's effects isn't fantastically useful - the details seem silly to me. To not be stuck with ghost antler for 9 minutes, I might just tough my way through my 4 lost hit points.
Splitting cure spells isn't a bad idea--though the channel energy mechanic means you'd almost never have to. It's too expensive for what it does, though.
Thanks so much for doing this, Clark! Please let me have it.
Costing was tough and Sean doesnt like pulling from a domain power.
But I had a different issue:
"I would have been ok with this without the wish/limited wish feature. Really, PCs who we would be ok giving a wish/limited wish item to have little need for the reroll feature. This is an example of an item that mixes powers for two different groups. you cant give this to a lower level group that might benefit from the reroll power and thus give them limited wish/wish. you just cant. Bad power mix."
Thanks in advance!
I wrote the Diamond Egg of Marvels. Will post item tonight as I don't have the text on my phone.
Varianor, sorry about this one. We had a strong reaction.
It appeared to us to be an item that lets me duplicate ANY SPELL UP TO 6th LEVEL as a feather token. It's not just a spell in a can, it's all spells in a can. It's not just that, it's also any wondrous item worth up to 45,000 GP! That was too much.
MARBLES OF MISCHIEF
We had issues with the typos. We liked the Aeon Flux vibe, but in the end the amount of checks for falling did this thing in. It just isnt what we wanted in combat.
That combo pretty much means that a GM is going to be constantly rolling Acrobatic checks in damn near every other encounter. Lame. not to mention that the comedic situation this item is going for pretty much undermines any scary villain - Darth Vader looks really lame when he's fallen and he can't get up. If these were single use items, I might be cooler with them, but as is, nuh-uh.
I agreed and wrote:
I like some of this. Nice idea, not bad execution. Unfortunately, Three Stooges combat is not what I want in my epic, heroic fantasy roleplaying. Pass.
Clam of Infusion (lesser):
I was pretty against this one.
"Oh really, aquatic elves make a device that creates thrown pearls? Why, because thrown pearls are so effective under water? See, sometimes backstory shoots you in the foot. There is no way aquatic elves would make magic pearls for throwing underwater because as a practical matter you cant throw stuff underwater.
Come on, people.
Plus, I am not a fan of the "fill it up with what you want" magic item, whether it be a spell of your choosing or an ability from a monster you kill.
The real problem is the fact that it takes a touch spell and turns it into a grenade that affects all in a 100 ft. radius. I can already see clerics using this as a healing bomb. But instead of curing one person it cures all within a 10 foot radius! Uh, yeah, NO! Lets see what else we can abuse, shocking grasp, touch of idiocy, invisibility. Invisibility bombs? Nope.
Abusable"
We didnt think you thought it through all the way.
I noted:
"Oh 300 words. Talk about cutting it close...
Nasty arcane mark in a can. Not bad.
I dont see this as a PC item.
And I dont like the toss in of the fire and law gods at the end.
Plus, I am not sure what the author means by "when the tip is set to a specific arcane mark". Doesnt the brand just use MY arcane mark? Does this mean I can mark a target with the arcane mark of a different person? I think that is just sloppy writing. I think the prior sentence makes it clear that the tip can only form into an arcane brand in the shape of the user's arcane mark. But does this require the user to have placed an arcane mark on themselves before hand? Because everyone theoretically has their own unique arcane mark. So how do you "have your own arcane mark" other than having one cast and placed?
Reject, though I dont mind bad guy items. I just dont see this coming up much unless the PCs are captured and branded, which sounds more like a plot device than a wondrous item.
Reject."
Sean, who is much smarter than me, saw a more direct issue:
"If you can afford 68k for this item, just pay for an item that lets you do a heightened-to-level-9 dominate person once per day, that's only 55k and the spell lasts 17 days each use."
I'm ready for some medicine....
Periapt of the Salamander
Aura strong conjuration ; CL 13th
Slot neck; Price 27000gp ; Weight -
DESCRIPTION
This brilliant emerald dangles from a burnished copper chain. Once the periapt has been worn continuously for 24 hours the wearer automatically becomes stable if his hit points drop below zero and he also becomes immune to bleed damage.
In addition, as a free action three times per week, the wearer may shed any single limb from their body as a salamander sheds its tail. This ability gives the wearer a bonus of +10 on a single combat maneuver check or Escape Artist check to attempt to free himself from being grappled, pinned or to escape from restraints. If the check succeeds, the character gains a +2 bonus to his next attack roll or initiative check due his opponent’s surprise.
The shedded limb cannot be reattached, and begins to rot within one round. The missing limb regrows in 2d10 rounds. If a leg was shedded, the character takes a -6 penalty to dexterity and his movement rate is halved until regrowth is complete. If an arm was shedded,the character must declare which one was lost and the appropriate effects due to the loss of weapons, shields, magic rings and other items on the lost arm. Recovered items can only be used on the new arm when regrowth is complete.
If for any reason the periapt is removed from the wearer’s neck after a limb has been shed, but before regrowth is complete, the limb continues to regrow normally, but takes a full twenty rounds. The character must also make a Fortitude save against DC 19 or be stunned by the shock to his system.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, regeneration; Cost 13500 gp
Dear Clark,
It feels like an age has passed since we wintered in that namless burb outside São Paulo! I know I promised I wouldn't bring it up again, but I can't stop laughing every time I recall your gull impression and how it so offended the locals! Was the ear-lobe re-attachment successful?
At any ways, as you may have surmised, the purpose of this communique is to entreat you to provide your insight on my 2010 RPG Superstar Wondrous Item entry, the Smoker's High Hat. Spare not my feelings; it's hard to take insult from a man you've seen squak whilst dodging coffee beans and hand-crafted rosaries.
** spoiler omitted **
Ah, good times...
We just really ran into issues with this half etherealness.
So it's a top hat that turns you to smoke below the belt. What? The concept feels like a non sequiter, then the effects are all over the board, and then some obvious elements are absent (so can you trip a man with no legs? Can an ethereal creature attack the dude's crotch?).
Honestly I thought it was some kind of inside joke I wasnt getting. I ended with "Somehow I feel I am missing the joke. Limited half etherealness? No thanks."
Here was my item, I feel I may have been hindered by NOT adding Golarion fluff to it.
We all unanimously felt that this is waaaay too cheap for which it does - which is totally cripples every incorporeal creature - even with the time limit. It's also just way too powerful, making some of the trickier creatures in the game pretty much pushovers for any character and severely hampered in their ability to deal out damage. Any group would be fools not to have a few of these with them at all times.
Wes made a good point in another item that some design like players, some like fanbois and some like professional designers. This is designing like a player. If you make something everyone in the world has to have you need to step back and ask if you are making the right design choices. Wondrous items are limited.
I'm ready for some medicine....
Periapt of the Salamander
Out of order but why not
At first we thought:
"You know, the first sentence alone is a fine item. Unexciting, but nothing's super wrong with it per say. But after that it goes crazy. There's just way too many unaccounted factors here. Does someone with one leg take a penalty to his CMD against trip? Does someone with one arm take a penalty to Climb checks? If you have other limbs can you shed those - a tail, a tentacle?"
Then I said:
"See, they must mean salamander the lizard not salamander the evil fire monster bad ass. That, right there, shows the mistake this item makes. This is superstar. If one version of your item is a b~*@~in' fantasy bad ass monster, and the other is dumb lizard, you go with option A. This item is all about option B."
This also, strangely, was not our only limb shedding item and we thought the other one was better.
Sean, as he usually does, then comes up with the real issue. He's just smart:
"The game doesn't define what happens when you lose a specific limb (for various reasons). This item is trying to define something in the GAME. It's like "what if we were playing 2e and there were no trip rolls? let's define TRIP in a magic item in case it comes up."
Basically, a magic item is not the place to define a subsystem that relates to things that have nothing to do with that magic item (say, getting your arm cut off)."
Perimeter Spikes
We dont like camping items that take the risk out of game play.
We also felt this is like three different spells in three different cans, but each can is a four-pack, so it's really like 12 SIAC, with another 8 implied. The only thing it does is lets multiple folks make use of them. The most creative part of this is the Elements part, and that just shelters you from extreme temperatures... and that's not much.
I then noted:
Camp item. Boring. Reject. I'll admit, these would make a magic item book, but just not superstar.
Thanks so much for providing feedback again this year. Below is my attempt. Please don't feel that you need to pull any punches. (And if anyone else has comments, I'd be delighted to hear them too.) Thanks!
[bigger]Shards of the Devil-Mirror[/bigger
This one was easy--none of us like the idea of items that get us involved in adjudicating alignment disputes. That's not superstar.
Sometimes when you swing for the fences, you take your eye off the ball and the bat ends up the third base bleachers.
Thank you again for your time and effort Clark. It is appreciated.
Sometimes when you swing for the fences, you take your eye off the ball and the bat ends up the third base bleachers.
Thank you again for your time and effort Clark. It is appreciated.
I think Sean found the big problem, without a mechanic for missing limbs this thing has problems and a magic items isnt the place to invent a rules subsystem.
I think Sean found the big problem, without a mechanic for missing limbs this thing has problems and a magic items isnt the place to invent a rules subsystem.
When you say it like THAT, it seems so obvious. (He said, laughing at himself.)
Plus, people submitted knowing this would be an anonymous process. No one even needs to know if they entered or not. Opening the threads takes that away. We can't go through the process of asking every person if they want it public or not. Plus, in one thread we may refer to a different item. We cant go through all thousand or so items and edit all that out. This process of posting and asking for feedback is the best way to do it.
That makes even more sense. Okay, you completely convinced me :)
But can I bother you one more time in asking to 'edit' and relay the comments that were received on Chi-Yan's Wondrous Whetstone of Wounding? I already had some good feedback from my fellow posters, but I would really like to know the official reason.
Thanks a bunch!
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 10th
Slot none; Price 16,000 gp (1/week), 36,000 gp (2/week), 64,000 gp (3/week), 100,000 (4/week); Weight 2 lbs.
The wondrous whetstone of wounding resembles a simple whetstone for sharpening swords, axes, lances, or any other kind of edged melee weapon. When it is applied to a magic weapon however, it sharpens it and also imbues it with the wounding special ability. The whetstone does not grant a magic enhancement bonus on the weapon; the weapon must already have a magic enhancement bonus of at least +1. The weapon also gains a moderate conjuration aura. Both ability and aura remain for 24 hours. When this time has passed, the ability and aura disappear and the weapon returns to its state before the whetstone was used.
Depending on the power of the whetstone, it might apply this special ability a number of times per week. Once all uses are expended for that week, the whetstone’s magic becomes dormant and the whetstone temporarily becomes mundane. The number of times such a whetstone can apply its ability depends on the power of the stone; the price is determined based on this number of applications. Different applications per week per whetstone need not necessarily be applied to the same weapon.
Other whetstones exist that can imbue other abilities. Whetstones that apply abilities with a higher base price modifier, according to table 15-7 of the Pathfinder RPG Core Rulebook, take up one price slot higher and allow one less application per week for each modifier point over +1. For example, a whetstone granting speed (+3 modifier) exist in a 64,000 gp version (applicable 1/week) and a 100,000 gp (2/week).
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, bleed; Cost 8,000 gp (1/week), 18,000 (2/week), 32,000 (3/week), 50,000 (4/week)
MARBLES OF MISCHIEFWe had issues with the typos. We liked the Aeon Flux vibe, but in the end the amount of checks for falling did this thing in. It just isnt what we wanted in combat.
That combo pretty much means that a GM is going to be constantly rolling Acrobatic checks in damn near every other encounter. Lame. not to mention that the comedic situation this item is going for pretty much undermines any scary villain - Darth Vader looks really lame when he's fallen and he can't get up. If these were single use items, I might be cooler with them, but as is, nuh-uh.
I agreed and wrote:
I like some of this. Nice idea, not bad execution. Unfortunately, Three Stooges combat is not what I want in my epic, heroic fantasy roleplaying. Pass.
Thanks for the feedback Clark;) Really appreciate it:)
I`m gonna sharpen up my english and design next year then;)Btw: Laughed my ass off at the Darth Vader situation, hehe, should have thought of that;)
Smands
Stone Baby
I don't think I've heard from Clark yet, but I wanted to thank those who have commented so far. I retrospect, I did go overboard on the concept. To anyone I offended, you have my apologies. It wasn't my intention to hurt anyone.
Just so everyone knows, a lithopedia (stone baby) is an actual though rare phenomenon. Vic, a google search of the term will give you some pictures if you want to know what it looks like.
To the other points made. I probably should have just stuck with "Slot -" and left the description to define it's use instead of making up a "held" slot. Without the fluff, it is indeed just 3 spells in a rock. I'll focus on being more mechanically original next time.
Jason, I think you misunderstood. Creating this item would involve grave robbing, not a character being pregnant.
|
|
I retrospect, I did go overboard on the concept. To anyone I offended, you have my apologies. It wasn't my intention to hurt anyone.To the other points made. I probably should have just stuck with "Slot -" and left the description to define it's use instead of making up a "held" slot. Without the fluff, it is indeed just 3 spells in a rock. I'll focus on being more mechanically original next time.
Jason, I think you misunderstood. Creating this item would involve grave robbing, not a character being pregnant.
I was torn on the item, but loved the writing and I was disappointed that you weren't 'golden ticketed' into the next round.
The above leaves me looking forward to seeing what you can come up with next year.
|
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 8
aka Tarren Dei
|
No harsh criticism. Just all felt it was a spell in a can with an interesting no memory side effect. Nothing really special to advance it to superstar status. This was a good but not good enough item. Now, if a kid did this then they have my eternal respect. You have adult designers who can't do this. Nice work. Keep it up.
Yes, Nerrat did this. I served as a sounding board but tried not to give advice so much as ask questions. He worked a lot harder on his item than he did last year, writing multiple drafts instead of just whipping an item out in three drafts. He also prepared more, reading almost everything you said about every other item last year. I swear he sounds like you, Clark, when he talks about the entries. I love the challenge that this contest poses for him and thank you all for making it happen.
Thanks in advance!
I wrote the Diamond Egg of Marvels. Will post item tonight as I don't have the text on my phone.
Varianor, sorry about this one. We had a strong reaction.
It appeared to us to be an item that lets me duplicate ANY SPELL UP TO 6th LEVEL as a feather token. It's not just a spell in a can, it's all spells in a can. It's not just that, it's also any wondrous item worth up to 45,000 GP! That was too much.
Once per day. ;) I could make the argument that it's better costed than allowing a wizard to have the Cohort feat to get a cleric (which costs no money, just a feat), but that would be dragging in different design issues to avoid the point that it's too fungible. Which is really one of the subtexts from this year.
Thank you very much for the feedback Clark (and on behalf of Sean & Wes)! I'm looking forward to next year already.
|
Marathon Voter Season 7
|
Wicht- sorry to post this here but I didn't find a way to PM you (Does Paizo even have that option on its forums?).
I don't know if you saw it (since you cross-posted with me the moment that I posted the post) but a few pages back, I left a few comments in regard to one of your childrens' items. Just wanted to make sure you saw it. I would not be writing this post if we hadn't cross-posted. Best Wishes.
We did see it. Thanks.
Hi Clark. I'd love feedback on my item. Thanks for doing this for everyone.
Aura moderate necromancy [evil]; CL 6th
Slot --; Price 11,000 gp; Weight 4 lbs.
This bundle wrapped in ancient, yellowed skin contains several foot-long shanks of bleached bones etched with runes, the remnants of primeval sorcery.
Three times per day the wielder may take a standard action to toss the bones onto six unoccupied squares of flat terrain in any pattern. The six squares must be continuous. No attack roll or movement is required to toss the bones.
Upon uttering the command word, a solid wall of jagged bones 10 feet high emerges in each square. Each square has 40 hit points and hardness 5. If a creature tries to break through a square with a single attack, the DC for the Strength check is 25. Scaling the wall requires a Climb check DC 25.
The bulwark of bone terrifies others. Any creature that attacks the wall, tries to break the wall, or passes through a square occupied by the wall (including climbing the wall) must make a Will save DC 14 or be frightened for 1d4 rounds. If the creature succeeds on a Will save, it is shaken for 1 round.
A second command word deactivates the wall, and the bone bundle returns instantaneously to the skin wrappings. If the bone wall is attacked or broken during combat, the pieces remain damaged or destroyed for the day, even if the used again later. On the following day, bulwark of bones can be redeployed at full strength.
Undead are completely unaffected by the bone wall, and the bone wall’s squares are friendly to undead for purposes of movement.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate dead, scare; Cost 5,650 gp
Mask of Pure Madness
I see a couple of things wrong with this right off the bat...
first it is basically just a couple of spells in a can with a bonus on intimidate checks and a bit of additional flavor text thrown in.
Second the construction requirements don't make sense... why must the creator have ranks in climb??? (should probably be intimidate)
third you change the name of your item in the description section (going from mask of pure madness to mask of sheer madness).
the second and third points above show the value of editing, careful editing would have easily discovered and fixed those problems.
Other problems are the name, if it is a mask of madness why doesn;t it make people mad (crazy), and the physical description of the item, which is 15 words long and lacking in any real coherent description other then it is a black mask.
Aura faint abjuration and necromancy; CL 5th
Slot throat; Price 1400 gp; Weight —
This small pouch, which holds two tarnished silver coins...
The ferryman's toll enforces the natural passage between life and death, and prevents malevolent spirits from returning. Etc.
This item really caught my imagination, but more from the perspective of adventure building than as a player. A hero who was slain by a vampire and buried with this item. Graverobbers broke in and stole the coins, amongst other things. Now the risen hero is terrorizing the countryside... The possiblities are many and evocative.
This item really caught my imagination, but more from the perspective of adventure building than as a player. A hero who was slain by a vampire and buried with this item. Graverobbers broke in and stole the coins, amongst other things. Now the risen hero is terrorizing the countryside... The possiblities are many and evocative.
Aura faint abjuration and necromancy; CL 5th
Slot throat; Price 1400 gp; Weight —
This small pouch, which holds two tarnished silver coins...
The ferryman's toll enforces the natural passage between life and death, and prevents malevolent spirits from returning. Etc.
I'm glad someone had this idea. Some of these are the reason why i liked it so much ( and submitted it) have fun with it :)
This screams "home campaign item." Yeah, I bet this is awesome in your campaign."
Clark, thank you for your input. I wish it was a home campaign, I havent played a game in many moons :( If I would have this would have been better. The save or die was a mechanic I took from pathfinder on death. oh well :(
EDIT: Did the construction pricing work, or was that a fail as well?
I don't think I've heard from Clark yet....
To anyone I offended, you have my apologies. It wasn't my intention to hurt anyone.
Dont worry about offending anyone. You submitted anonymously. Your content wasnt forced on anyone.
I'm taking this one out of order because it is neat.
I was the biggest proponent to keep the item. I really liked it. I had some serious concerns though and I was worried about the effect.
I wrote:
"I dont hold its grossness against it. My biggest problem is the effect. So you can put the baby in your back pocket or backpack and get the detect effect, but you have to cradle it to get the hide effect. I;m going to have to check that continuous effect. That's pretty pimpy. No need to concentrate or anything. Hmmm."
I then asked the other judges not to reject it without checking with me, because I had half a mind to just hit Keep and possibly golden ticket it. I thought it was bold.
But then the discussion turned to what is and isnt appropriate to publish and the consensus was (and I agreed) that this was literally something that would never get published and we really shouldnt advance it.
We came to this collective conclusion:
This is not something we would publish. We don't really want to be donning the hat of the morality police, but outside the rules two things concern us about just the dead baby part.
First, this is the gross out version of gonzo and down the line it's not difficult to imagine this designer (or others) getting into a rated R arms race with either other competitors or just himself - all of which we're not super interested in. There's a difference between mature content and just sick s!*% and this fell into the latter category for us.
Second, our lesser but still present concern is anyone who wants to make a big deal that, out of hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of submissions, we decided that one of the best was a dead baby. Is the decision defendable? Sure. But that is a problem. And we thought the author (you) put us in a tough position on this.
Those thoughts in mind, we could have just auto-rejected for inappropriateness, but we didnt do that. We went on to form this collective conclusion
Turning to the rules now, I'm not sure any of that is worth it for an item that is exactly the sum of it's prerequisite spells.
We asked ourselves this: Would we have spent this much time on this item if it was just an amulet that did all those spell effects? Nope. We would have just shot it down for being dull. In short, the discussion came from the gross out nature of the item, not the item itself.
And that means the *item* regardless of its wrappings just wasnt good enough. So that, in the end, is why we rejected it.
Thank you very much for the feedback Clark (and on behalf of Sean & Wes)! I'm looking forward to next year already.
For what its worth, I thought you swung for the fences and that is commendable. I personally appreciate guys who take a big swing at this contest. Even if it doesnt work out, you know you swung at the ball and swung hard. Lots of people strike out on pitches. You didnt.
If anybody feels I'm being rude , making fun of their entry or aren't giving it the appreciation it deserves call out to me. I will then come back to you and try to say what I think in a more polite and constructive manner. My reviews below are very “stream-of-thoughts” and are never intended to make fun of or insult anyone or his item.
Azmahel,
Thanks for the feedback on the Pipe of Ineffable Clarity. Having never been a huge fan of Forgotten Realms beyond Salvatore's Dark Elf books, I didn't realize I had duplicated an Elminster trope until I googled "pipe wondrous item"... AFTER I submitted. D'oh.
I agree with your criticism of the ownership aspect of the item, which has undergone rewrites for in-game use. I don't think the permanent concentration bonus is overboard when tied to rightful possession, but the borrowing stuff was probably a bit too much information.
My main reason for not typing the bonus was that I wasn't sure how to classify it. My first instinct was to classify it as a luck bonus, but considering the item's theme, ineffability and luck don't really go together. Maybe I overthought it.
In retrospect, my own submission could have merited from rewrites and touchups, and just wasn't superstar-worthy compared to some of the other awesome things that got in. I hope to use the knowledge I've gained here to better my design in the future, and appreciate the feedback.