Nerrat Dei - Happy Birthday, and props for entering the contest!
"Eyes of the Duergar Prospector: Clark felt permanent blindness was too much for a wondrous item. Clark and Sean agreed that it's basically a "Duergar in a can,"..."
Duergar in a can! Guilty as charged.
Vic, Sean, and Clark, thanks for taking the time to review my item and respond here. Great contest, and support. Thanks!
Well its partially premptive on my part, but also I had surge of creativity around three am last night. And I never ignore my sparks of ideas, first thing I go for the nearest piece of paper or computer I can get my hands on and get it down. Because I have a terrible habit of forgetting those ideas. I don't want to be just left with a tribute
Protector’s Ink: Sean notes it's in the category of "I stay at home while you adventure" unlimited-range healthlink spells, which, the judges feel, are pretty much contrary to the point of the game.
Got it. Thank you for the feedback - I really appreciate it!
Somebody on the board recently suggested making an item every month, so that when next year's contest rolls around, you've got 12 items to choose from when you submit.
Well, one to go and only 11 more to make. hehe...
Gack! Only a week to get my first one written then! ;P
Great work all, and Thanks Az and Vic for your kind contributions of time and energy, I am sure I am not the only one that appreciates it!
Oh,... and GO SAINTS! ;)
Vic, thanks for the help!
And Clark Unlives! Wb
Sorry. RL has me SUPER busy the last few days (and it didnt help that we went up to Canada all day Saturday). Plus I have a couple monster submissions to evaluate. ;)
I would scoff at such excuses if I did not fear the wrath of such a power being. :)
Its alright, I've not been too up on my forum jumping, usually been skimming for a minute and then moving on, very busy. Start of the year always is...that and usually something goes wrong.
Hope your trip our country was good, eh. Its been beautiful weather up here in my peice of the great north, two days of freezing rain, and tomorrow we can expect some snow to hide all natural skating rinks we once called roads. ^^;
Bell of Lost Moments
Spoiler:This would be 72.000 GP so this item is greatly underpriced.
I appreciate more comments on my item. The more, the better!
But I have a question regarding the "greatly underpriced" matter.
How is this underpriced?
Maybe it's underpriced by a 1000, by 2000, but by 10.000+? I'm lost.
Would you please explain why it's underpriced?
P.S My dad helped me a lot with my math, so if it IS underpriced, blame him. ;)
P.S.S I'm 9 BTW.
Edit: Make that 10. 20 minutes ago I turned 10.
Hey, happy birthday, Nerrat!
So for what it's worth, your bell intrigued me. Much like Dennis' Pharasma's Blessing it has a 'oh, that's useful, i guess' main ability followed by a side effect that makes me go 'whoah, now that's cool! It is a bit of a niche item, since it's main purpose would see use in stealth/espionage type games, but personally I think it's fun sounding. Plus I like magic musical instruments, even when they're of a non-bardic nature. (Or maybe especially if they're non-bardic; it makes me look at an item in a different light when it is universally useful.)
But as far as the pricing, I do think it's undercosted too, though admittedly didn't even look at that part till Azmahel pointed it out. Standard pricing for a use-activated item that casts a spell would be caster level x spell level x 2,000. In this case, 13x7x2,000= 182,000. Then the price doubles due to being slotless, so 364,000. But as it's only a once per item, that gets dived by 5, leaving you a final price of 72,800. Then of cours,e there's the memory-blocking effect, which would potentially bump the price even higher. Now, there's still room here to fudge the price lower, I think- it only stays active for 2d4 rounds, which averages about 5, I think? So slightly less than half of what a mass hold person casting would cause. That would come out to about 30K gold, then bump it up a bit because the victims don't get a save every round, plus the memory effect, and I'd eyeball it being appropriately priced at around 35-40K. That's just me, and I'm bad at pricing, so it's very possible your father had something else in mind when you were doing the math to set the cost. Or it's entirely possible that one of the real pricing mavens on the board will point out how wrong I am here and that I'm being way too generous in my pricing guestimate. Anyway, that's just what the math and my best guesses tell me here.
I do think this is a nifty little item at its core though, and that Azmahel had some decent ideas how to polish this up from a 'oh, that's potentially cool' item to a 'ooh la la, I WANT' item. (Though i'm sure his idea about making it a 'freeze time' effect using resilient sphere as a base spell would cause at least one person to complain that time stop should be the base spell because they're feeling hopelessly literal. One thing I'm rapidly learning: you can't please everyone, so don't even try...)
Oh, and the name? Bell of Lost Moments? Really, really works and resonates. (no pun intended.)
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One problem with treating a magical tattoo as a wondrous item is that by default it's not transferable or saleable. You've given a means to deprive the wearer of it, which is something, but at a cost of further departure from standard rules. Typical magic items aren't vulnerable to relatively low-level dispelling and I don't think break enchantment is the appropriate spell to do it.
There are a few different types of empowered tattoos in the Psionics SRD, some of which are universal items, so I'd say the precedent exists for an arcane tattoo as a wondrous item. However, those psionic tattoos have a defined means to transfer them to another person. I think your item needs an equivalent provision.
So if you ask for it, get ready to get it. :)Sure ;)
What about the Easy Jug ?
Sorry, I did not save the BBCoded stuff...
Thanks a lot anyway.
OK, found the text without BBCode niceties,
can anyone give feedback ? Thanks.Easy Jug
Aura: faint (minor) or moderate (medium and major) transmutation.
CL: 5th (minor), 7th (medium), 9th (major).
Slot: neck.
Price: 2,000 gp (minor), 8,000 gp (medium), 18,000 gp (major).
Weight: 1lb.
Description
From this mithral container that can be stored in a backpack, protudes a thin flexible tube that straps to the neck with a collar, reaching the lips of the holder.
Drinking one dose of the contents of the jug requires a standard action that does not provoke an attack of opportunity. A successful Dexterity check while doing so means the action is resolved as a swift action instead.
A check failed by 5 or more means the standard action is consumed without the dose being drank.
Filling the jug with one dose of a potion is a full-round action (provided one has everything at hand to do this) that provokes an attack of opportunity.
Non-magical versions of this item are known to exist. Their usage and creation is left to the GM to decide.
The minor version (DC10) can contain one dose of a potion. The medium version (DC12) can contain up to three doses of the same potion. The major version (DC15) can contain up to three different doses into three distinct tanks and thus has three tubes.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Mage Hand, Haste.
Cost: 1,000 gp (minor), 4,000 gp (medium), 9,000 gp (major).
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Eyes of the Duergar Prospector .. And Sean pointed out that as written, it bypasses invisibility for anyone carrying metal—you may not see them, but you do see their stuff...
I actually wouldn't mind that as a detection or sense (target square only) rather than sight - but not for duergar. From all I've read, they're creatures of toil, not greed. In a couple of ways, it almost might fit better as a cult item for evil gnome worshippers of Urdlen in the default cosmology.
Cheers for the feedback Vic - we appreciate it.
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Aura strong enchantment; CL 13th
Slot ---; Price 19,800 gp; Weight 1½ lbs.
The bell of lost moments is a bronze hand-held bell. Ringing this bell will paralyze all humanoids within 30 feet except for the ringer (Will DC 20 negates). Creatures who cannot hear are not affected by the bell. Those affected gain the paralyzed condition for 2d4 rounds. After 2d4 rounds, those affected cannot remember anything that happened during that period. The bell sounds like a high-pitched chime that lasts for about 5 seconds. The bell can only be rung once every 24 hours.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item; hold person, mass; daze person; Cost 9,900 gpBTW, I have to admit, I thought I had a chance. Please give me your thoughts, and if you need to criticize the item harshly, go ahead. I really want to know what was the problem.
Happy Birthday! ;)
the effect is 1/day hold person, mass. thats : 13(CL)*7(Spell level)*2000Gp(Use activated)*2(Slotless)/5(1/day)
=72,800
This should be the baseline for your pricing. But now the guessing and weighting benefits and drawbacks of this item begins.
The Hold Person effect has both drawbacks and benefits:
Drawbacks:
- duration is only 2d4 rounds. (compared to 13)
- effect must be centered on wearer
Benefits:
- victims don't get a new safe every round (an important addition, because being paralyzed means being helpless means being dead (coup de grace) )
- It is an 30ft area effect. Effectively double the range of the spell (now creatures can be up to 60ft apart and still be affected.)
Weighting benefits and drawbacks I personally think the benefits are greater than the drawbacks, but not by much. so either way the price shouldn't be adjusted greatly. (up or down) considering the alter memory effect ,which is quite limited and rather minor in power ( not flair!) my suggestion for the Price would be between 70,000 and 75,000.
When pricing your item you should also consider at which level a character might realistically possess the item. With 20.000gp this is quite realistic for a 9th level character. Should a 9th level character have the power to cast 1 Level 7 spell per day?
Another thing to consider is comparing the item to existing items.
Is your item better than a +3 weapon?
Horn of blasting?
Cloak of displacement, minor?
Stone of good luck?
Chime of interruption?
Or is it more in line with:
Pearl of power 8th level?
Horn of blasting , greater?
Gem of seeing?
That said, I really like the idea of your item. But paralyzing is a really powerful effect, that can easily solve an entire (difficult) encounter. But even aside from that paralyzing might not be the effect you have been looking for. When you are paralyzed you can still perform purely mental actions (like casting some spells [stilled and silenced] or activating spell-like abilities). But there is a condition that nicely fits the bells flavor: Dazed. this does exactly what you were looking for.
Using the dazed condition the item would be used more for causing mayhem than for slaughter. Which is hopefully what you intended.
For pricing we must assume a daze, mass spell existed. Based on hold person and Hold person, mass this spell would be 4th level and, looking at daze monster would affect humanoids with up to 8 HD , which I think is quite fair.
Based on this spell the prizing would be : 7*4*2000*2/5 = 22400 , which is way closer to what you had in mind. It might need to be adjusted for duration though. in the end 25,000 might be a good price for this.
Good work Nerrat.
Your Item is definitely worth thinking about and I can really imagine this being used in my home campaign.
You have both creativity and "mojo". 2 of the main features needed to be a Rpg Superstar. Everything else is experience and practice, which you will soon have with your early start.
keep up the good work. I'm really excited to see what you come up with next year ( or this month if you follow some of the suggestions here and craft 1 item per month)
" Those affected gain the paralyzed condition for 2d4 rounds. After 2d4 rounds, those affected cannot remember anything that happened during that period. "
This is something i just noticed. ( See, I keep coming back to your item. It's that good!)
As written there are 2 distinct sets of 2d4 rounds. It is just a minor editing glitch, but leads to undesirable results.
Like a creature being paralyzed for 8 rounds , but only forgetting the first 2 of these.
Or even worse a person being paralyzed for just 2 rounds and 6 rounds later they suddenly forget what has happened.
Have we gotten feedback on the items on the second page yet?I am on page two too, for anyone who would like to review it...Blood-stained War Cassock
It is included below under the spoiler button (so as to avoid spamming my item)...
** spoiler omitted **
Thanks,
anthrorobSince you were kind enough to critique my item, I'll be glad to return the favor.
Descriptiveness: could have used more, especially with an inspiring name like "Blood-stained War Cassok". I do like the addition of the wearer's holy symbol after he prays. However, this raises the question of whether or not this symbology is removed when removing the Cassok, or remains until the conditions are met by a worshiper of another deity (I could see a worshiper of Iomedae having a real problem donning a cassok formerly worn by a worshipper of Zon-Kuthon, for example.)
Sacred bonus: does anything else give a sacred bonus to AC? I couldn't find anything. This means this AC bonus stacks with everything else. This could be a big problem. Probably would have been more acceptable as a deflection bonus.
Channel energy: At 6000 gp, this is probably too good. I think you may have wanted to scale this, for example 1 use per day at +1/+2, 2 at +3/+4, and 3 at +5 (or maybe 1 at +1, 2 at +2/+3 and 3 at +4/+5.) I just looked at the Metamagic, Quicken Rod for a comparison and a lesser is 35,000gp. Granted, this is much less versatile since it can be used for only one ability, but, even so, my gut tells me this feature may be what killed it even more than the sacred bonus.
Overall, I like the idea behind the Cassok, getting Clerics and Paladins into the middle of battle. But without changing it, I would want every evil cleric I run in my campaigns to have one, and I'm sure every PC Cleric/Paladin and a good amount of the fighty types would want one too. The 6000gp version at the very least.
Thanks
Stratton
Edit: on the creation requirements: the first two are...
Good points. I really agonized over the pricing as it wasn't clear how to calculate something that affects a class ability. Also, good points on the DF (it disappears when you take it off) and the spell requirements. I wanted it to have a broader use, not just limited to clerics/paladins which is why I included the AC bonus. In retrospect a deflection bonus may have been better.
Thanks!anthrorob
Have we gotten feedback on the items on the second page yet?I am on page two too, for anyone who would like to review it...Blood-stained War Cassock
It is included below under the spoiler button (so as to avoid spamming my item)...
** spoiler omitted **
Thanks,
anthrorobThis is one of my favorite items I have read so far. If it were lessened in power and/or increased in price, it could have been stellar.
I have nothing really to add beyond what other reviewers said; just wanted to mention it was pretty damn cool.
Thanks!
anthrorob
Looks like I'm a bit late to the feedback party! I've been unavailable for the past week or so, so good thing i didnt make top 32!
Anyways, i'd like to post my submission for comments, just to see where I need work. Thanks in advance! :)
Aura Strong Abjuration; CL 16th
Slot --; Price 126,000 gp; Weight 22 lbs.
When these hammers are created, they are created in pair with a gong, drum, or any other sort of percussion instrument. The instrument itself is mundane (but of masterwork quality), but if it is destroyed, the hammer loses all power.
Each hammer of banishment is attuned to an alignment. Whenever the hammer is used to strike a resonating surface (such as, but not necessarily, that of the gong or drum that accompanies it) a banishment (CL 16) spell is cast, centered on the surface (DC 21). The hammer is considered an object the creature hates (+2 to overcoming SR). This ability functions 3/day.
The user may choose to expend one of the daily charges to make the hammer function as a +2 Axiomatic/Anarchic/holy/unholy war hammer for 10 rounds. Striking a creature focuses the banishment charge on to the target. Doing this increases the caster level to 20 and the DC to 24. If the attack lands, regardless of success, the charge is expended and this effect ends.
In addition, each alignment has a unique ability.
Law - Shield of law (CL 16, DC 22) 1/day
Good - The user may use smite evil as if he were a paladin of 10th level 1/day. If the user is a paladin, then this instead grants an extra use of his smite evil ability per day.
Evil - create greater undead 1/day (CL 16)
Chaos - Word of Chaos (CL16, DC 21) 1/day
Requirements Craft wondrous items, banishment, one of the following spells as suitable for alignment: Shield of law, righteous might, create greater undead, Word of chaos; Cost 63,000 gp
Hammer of banishment: Making it a magical weapon is a big no-no. Basically you have a magic hammer with a spell in a can.
You might have been better to just have gone for a drum of banishment and worked from there.
Well, it's only a weapon for up to 30 rounds/day, and at that point it almost can't be used for it's primary purpose, especially since you get 1 attack with it, so it's 30 rounds or 3 attacks/day, i wouldnt really consider this a reliable weapon. It was mainly meant as a way to focus banishment on more powerful creatures.
I considered making a portable gong/drum of banishment, but I didn't like the fluff idea of it, seemed clunky to me.
But thanks for the advice! :)
RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16
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Hammer of banishment: Making it a magical weapon is a big no-no.
Not necessarily, Wicht. It's sometimes a fine line between, say, beads from a necklace of fireballs and +1 flaming burst slingstones.
Hammer of banishment: Making it a magical weapon is a big no-no.Not necessarily, Wicht. It's sometimes a fine line between, say, beads froma necklace of fireballs and +1 flaming burst slingstones.
Also: Maul/mattock of the titans are two SRD wonderous items that are weapons, with some secondary functioning to them.
Another also: 'Grats on top 32 Chris! :)
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and a top32 item :P take a look at it. It has some great ideas going on[Yeah, in Golarion it wouldn't be the Boneyard's toll it would be Pharasma's Blessing :)je that is a better name... again i will be borrowing :P
the Blessing is quite interesting indeed, and while its good for hunter's of the dead, its better in hands of those following Pharasma...
I would have to reconcile both...
besides I am a sucker for roman customs... which i understand are less commen in Golarion.. yet its not to strange a culture taking that... after all the eyes are still the Windows to the Soul.
Below are my thoughts on page 3.
Diamond Egg of Marvels
** spoiler omitted **The rumor part, while being humorous, doesn't do you any good either.
Interesting. I showed this to a couple trusted friends who rather liked that line. Thank you for the review.
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Star Voter Season 6
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Interesting. I showed this to a couple trusted friends who rather liked that line. Thank you for the review.Below are my thoughts on page 3.
Diamond Egg of Marvels
** spoiler omitted **The rumor part, while being humorous, doesn't do you any good either.
<mythbuster>Well there's your problem.</mythbuster>
Seriously, are your trusted friends people you game with? I'm lucky enough that I had two gamers who I don't game with, as well as a lay person check my product (and we all missed amour, so there!) If none of them appriciate the humour, I'm doing it really wrong. If the layperson doesn't get it, then I consider taking it out. Funny doesn't always translate well. It also can make things worse (see: Father Avon).
Seriously, are your trusted friends people you game with? I'm lucky enough that I had two gamers who I don't game with, as well as a lay person check my product (and we all missed amour, so there!) If none of them appriciate the humour, I'm doing it really wrong. If the layperson doesn't get it, then I consider taking it out. Funny doesn't always translate well. It also can make things worse (see: Father Avon).
Yes, they are, and since they are my friends I value their advice. A lay person might not get gamer humor. Not that the line was intended to be humorous. It just flowed out during the writing, and seemed good.
Nor do I think that was the major reason for disqualification. "Spell factory" puts it well. Like most of the items in this thread we've learned how narrow the definition is for what constitutes a Superstar item. Expect more narrowing next year.
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RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
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Star Voter Season 6
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Seriously, are your trusted friends people you game with? I'm lucky enough that I had two gamers who I don't game with, as well as a lay person check my product (and we all missed amour, so there!) If none of them appriciate the humour, I'm doing it really wrong. If the layperson doesn't get it, then I consider taking it out. Funny doesn't always translate well. It also can make things worse (see: Father Avon).Yes, they are, and since they are my friends I value their advice. A lay person might not get gamer humor. Not that the line was intended to be humorous. It just flowed out during the writing, and seemed good.
Nor do I think that was the major reason for disqualification. "Spell factory" puts it well. Like most of the items in this thread we've learned how narrow the definition is for what constitutes a Superstar item. Expect more narrowing next year.
*NODS*
We're always learning from each other. It's why I don't post much in reply to items, I worry that I'm not clear. With the tankard, a couple things popped up that my (former) group wouldn't have caught, since we think enough alike to not abuse holes like what were spotted.Likewise, tone and flavour are important. I find it interesting the number of 'gruesome' items that are floating out there. I mean I know Paizo is a bit more 'mature' than the norm, but really. Can't we have fun items too?
Is it too early to say VOTE <redacted> for round 2? ;-)
You asked for anyone to give feedback, so here are my thoughts...
Easy Jug
Aura: faint (minor) or moderate (medium and major) transmutation.
CL: 5th (minor), 7th (medium), 9th (major).
Slot: neck.
Price: 2,000 gp (minor), 8,000 gp (medium), 18,000 gp (major).
Weight: 1lb.
Description
From this mithral container that can be stored in a backpack, protudes a thin flexible tube that straps to the neck with a collar, reaching the lips of the holder.
I own one of these in real life (well, a cloth and plastic version anyway). As such, it's not very imaginative as a magic item.
Drinking one dose of the contents of the jug requires a standard action that does not provoke an attack of opportunity. A successful Dexterity check while doing so means the action is resolved as a swift action instead.
A check failed by 5 or more means the standard action is consumed without the dose being drank.
A couple of things. I feel you should just pick one. Standard or swift. Also, I'm doing this from memory without the benefit of a book, but I think actions are spent, not consumed.
Filling the jug with one dose of a potion is a full-round action (provided one has everything at hand to do this) that provokes an attack of opportunity.
Non-magical versions of this item are known to exist. Their usage and creation is left to the GM to decide.
These last 2 sentences are unnecessary. I can't think of a single magic item that doesn't also have a non-magical version. In fact, making this very item, but not casting the required spells should produce a non-magical version.
The minor version (DC10) can contain one dose of a potion. The medium version (DC12) can contain up to three doses of the same potion. The major version (DC15) can contain up to three different doses into three distinct tanks and thus has three tubes.
The enevitable question is, what happens when my player pours 3 different potions into the "medium version".
Also, why couldn't you just use the non-magical version to drink your potions. Doesn't a potion consumed from a goblet, vial, flask, or any other container still have the same effect? It's not the container that's magical, it's the liquid. Please don't take this the wrong way, but I'm finding it hard to see what is magical about this item.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Mage Hand, Haste.
Cost: 1,000 gp (minor), 4,000 gp (medium), 9,000 gp (major).
I hope that didn't sound rude. It was intended to be helpful. If you want some revenge, please feel free to comment on my item "Cane of Ages" on page 6 of this thread.
Interesting. I showed this to a couple trusted friends who rather liked that line. Thank you for the review.Below are my thoughts on page 3.
Diamond Egg of Marvels
** spoiler omitted **The rumor part, while being humorous, doesn't do you any good either.
I *liked* the sentence too. It was funny. but you risked two things.
1. Not being perceived as a serious designer, because you sneak puns or humorous statements in your otherwise serious item.
Of course humor has it's place in gaming, but thats more the kind of humor the Goblin skull bomb creates, less word games and such.
2. The sentence might be interpreted as making fun of those who can't resist putting rumors or backstories in their items. Or being a wink at Clark, because he specifically dislikes those.
And if that happens it will too hurt your "serious, professional designer" image, because making fun of your fellow designers or inside puns aimed at your editor are not professional.
But I really think the real problem was the spell factory part.
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Seriously, are your trusted friends people you game with? I'm lucky enough that I had two gamers who I don't game with, as well as a lay person check my product (and we all missed amour, so there!) If none of them appriciate the humour, I'm doing it really wrong. If the layperson doesn't get it, then I consider taking it out. Funny doesn't always translate well. It also can make things worse (see: Father Avon).Yes, they are, and since they are my friends I value their advice. A lay person might not get gamer humor. Not that the line was intended to be humorous. It just flowed out during the writing, and seemed good.
Nor do I think that was the major reason for disqualification. "Spell factory" puts it well. Like most of the items in this thread we've learned how narrow the definition is for what constitutes a Superstar item. Expect more narrowing next year.
*NODS*
We're always learning from each other. It's why I don't post much in reply to items, I worry that I'm not clear. With the tankard, a couple things popped up that my (former) group wouldn't have caught, since we think enough alike to not abuse holes like what were spotted.Likewise, tone and flavour are important. I find it interesting the number of 'gruesome' items that are floating out there. I mean I know Paizo is a bit more 'mature' than the norm, but really. Can't we have fun items too?
Is it too early to say VOTE <redacted> for round 2? ;-)
Was that flavour or flavor? Humour or humor? Armour or armor?
I kid! I kid!
I have a terrible time with apostrophes (I over-use them constantly) and the hardest time spelling lightning (I always spell it lightening, then have to go back and fix it every time).
Cheers! Good luck with the <redacted>!
*drinks from the Tankard and passes it on.
2. The sentence might be interpreted as making fun of those who can't resist putting rumors or backstories in their items. Or being a wink at Clark, because he specifically dislikes those.
It was certainly not intended as a wink at Clark or even an attempt to poke fun at him. I mentally adding "rumor" to the verboten list now along with backstory. Note that many items with backstory made it in just fine this year, contradicting that assumption.
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2. The sentence might be interpreted as making fun of those who can't resist putting rumors or backstories in their items. Or being a wink at Clark, because he specifically dislikes those.It was certainly not intended as a wink at Clark or even an attempt to poke fun at him. I mentally adding "rumor" to the verboten list now along with backstory. Note that many items with backstory made it in just fine this year, contradicting that assumption.
I noticed this too. I feel the backstory thing was hyped a lot, but didn't really come into play much in the judges decisions.
I noticed this too. I feel the backstory thing was hyped a lot, but didn't really come into play much in the judges decisions.
What I've seen is back-story lite. Small snippets that give flavor, but aren't overbearing.
What I haven't seen is something like "This item was first created by Glabfrabex the Mighty during the Mystical Winter of f.b. 2311. Initially used to cause the downfall of Roquesrang III of the House of Thenemas, this item...". I think that's the kind of backstory that isn't really welcomed by the judges.
2. The sentence might be interpreted as making fun of those who can't resist putting rumors or backstories in their items. Or being a wink at Clark, because he specifically dislikes those.It was certainly not intended as a wink at Clark or even an attempt to poke fun at him. I mentally adding "rumor" to the verboten list now along with backstory. Note that many items with backstory made it in just fine this year, contradicting that assumption.
Maybe it wasn't intended this way. But it might have been perceived otherwise. Intention vs. Perception should be everyones main consideration when refining their item. RAI vs. RAW . the eternal war. make clear what and how you intended anything you try to get published.
When I read the sentence I thought: " Why is this here? Why would you hint at a greater version of the item and in the same sentence invalidate the idea it just has sparked? Maybe this is a gag. Maybe he is making fun of Items that include rumors. this might be bad."
but lets not haggle too much about one simple sentence. i like your sense of humor. I would really like to see an item from you , which has a funny, humorous application ( again hinting at the goblin skull bomb) rather than a funny description.
Marathon Voter Season 7
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Hammer of banishment: Making it a magical weapon is a big no-no.Not necessarily, Wicht. It's sometimes a fine line between, say, beads from a necklace of fireballs and +1 flaming burst slingstones.
There are exceptions of course, so maybe I should say that it is almost always a big no-no.
But the vibe I got from the item was that it was a rather clunky +2 aligned hammer of banishment. The mention of the gong, drum etc not being magical but being vital even though you didn't need it seemed rather awkward. You could put the gong in your closet, take the hammer with you and you're good to go. Better just to make the whole thing magical and make the hammer too small to be used as a weapon.
Easy Jug
I hope that didn't sound rude.
Not at all, I'll take my revenge later ;)
A couple of things. I feel you should just pick one. Standard or swift. Also, I'm doing this from memory without the benefit of a book, but I think actions are spent, not consumed.
That's a point. What I wanted to avoid is a character using it when he/she doesn't have any standard action left.
In fact, making this very item, but not casting the required spells should produce a non-magical version.
Yes, right, just for the sake of openness...
Also, why couldn't you just use the non-magical version to drink your potions.
Attack of opportunity...? that's what the mage hand and haste are for.
The enevitable question is, what happens when my player pours 3 different...
Standard rules... If this is not defined (and I don't think it is) in the core rules, it is GM's rules... I think it's not for an item to define standard rules.
Thanks again for your comments. I'll try to comment on the Cane of Ages ASAP.
Hammer of banishment: Making it a magical weapon is a big no-no.Not necessarily, Wicht. It's sometimes a fine line between, say, beads from a necklace of fireballs and +1 flaming burst slingstones.There are exceptions of course, so maybe I should say that it is almost always a big no-no.
But the vibe I got from the item was that it was a rather clunky +2 aligned hammer of banishment. The mention of the gong, drum etc not being magical but being vital even though you didn't need it seemed rather awkward. You could put the gong in your closet, take the hammer with you and you're good to go. Better just to make the whole thing magical and make the hammer too small to be used as a weapon.
I'm honestly unsure of why you think that this hammer seems like a weapon. The hammer only functions as a weapon for 3 attacks a day (or 30 rounds if you never use it to attack, which is kinda pointless), serving as an alternate delivery method for the banishments.
Originally, I had a distance limitation between the hammer and gong to function, but I had to remove it due to word count issues.
The instrument destruction is basically intended as a built in weak point for the item, despite the fact that the hammer contains all the real power. I did this because i enjoyed the concept of a simple weak point, does this seem too clunky?
CANE OF AGES
Hi Jason, that's me up there, just messing between name and alias ;(
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Marathon Voter Season 7
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Hammer of banishment: Making it a magical weapon is a big no-no.Not necessarily, Wicht. It's sometimes a fine line between, say, beads from a necklace of fireballs and +1 flaming burst slingstones.There are exceptions of course, so maybe I should say that it is almost always a big no-no.
But the vibe I got from the item was that it was a rather clunky +2 aligned hammer of banishment. The mention of the gong, drum etc not being magical but being vital even though you didn't need it seemed rather awkward. You could put the gong in your closet, take the hammer with you and you're good to go. Better just to make the whole thing magical and make the hammer too small to be used as a weapon.
I'm honestly unsure of why you think that this hammer seems like a weapon. The hammer only functions as a weapon for 3 attacks a day (or 30 rounds if you never use it to attack, which is kinda pointless), serving as an alternate delivery method for the banishments.
Originally, I had a distance limitation between the hammer and gong to function, but I had to remove it due to word count issues.
The instrument destruction is basically intended as a built in weak point for the item, despite the fact that the hammer contains all the real power. I did this because i enjoyed the concept of a simple weak point, does this seem too clunky?
I'm just giving you a first impression. Which in a contest where the judges have to read 1000+ entries is all you get.
I didn't say it was a good weapon - its a bit clunky and expensive as a weapon, but thats the impression I get from it. I understand its not what you were intending.
Consider this though - If I bought a +2 axiomatic warhammer with the banishing ability (which for the sake of argument we will say is a +4 ability) - the whole thing would cost 128,000 gp: meaning for 2000 extra gp I could have the same thing but have it work all the time.
If I seem to be skipping around, it's because I am. I'm just commenting on the ones that catch my eye.
Re: Brand of the Unyielding Tyrant
I'm both happy and sad to see this item. My backup "almost ran" item was a branding iron. While similar to your item (it also applied Arcane Mark), it was still different in it's other effects. So, I'm happy, because someone else thinks a branding iron would be interesting. However, I'm sad because I was going to submit that item next year, but now I'm not so sure I should. It might be viewed as too similar to your item.
I have not seen Clark review your item yet (I may have missed it), but I saw someone else refer to it as a rod. I disagree. Just because it superficially resembles a rod, doesn't mean the item IS a rod. I felt the same way when someone refered to my cane as a staff, or a confection (top 32) as a potion. Using that same logic, one could argue that the brand is also a club, and therefore a weapon, since you could hit someone with the brand. I think the function defines the item, not a superficial resemblance to something else. I'm willing to call it a misc. magic item.
I think your downfall was that your item wasn't easily used, or very useful, by adventuring parties. NPC's? Yes. But not the players.
That's my 2 coppers. Take it for what it's worth, considering I have no design credits to my name, and I'm not judging this contest.
I'm just giving you a first impression. Which in a contest where the judges have to read 1000+ entries is all you get.
I didn't say it was a good weapon - its a bit clunky and expensive as a weapon, but thats the impression I get from it. I understand its not what you were intending.
Consider this though - If I bought a +2 axiomatic warhammer with the banishing ability (which for the sake of argument we will say is a +4 ability) - the whole thing...
Point taken. I suppose I didn't consider first impressions when making this (which is maybe an area where i need to sheer up some clarification)
Also, didn't a banishing weapon only function 3/day?
Edit: after posting, I think i remembered about banishment. The original print in BoED was unlimited, but the reprint in MIC was 3/day (and i think it was a +3 enhancement in both).
And now I will continue my experiment, which has proven to be much fun and a great learning experience.
Today I'm tackling page 5 and 6, because there seem to be less items per page now.
If anybody feels I'm being rude , making fun of their entry or aren't giving it the appreciation it deserves call out to me. I will then come back to you and try to say what I think in a more polite and constructive manner. My reviews below are very “stream-of-thoughts” and are never intended to make fun of or insult anyone or his item.
Marionette of Mimicry
The name made me expect another scouting item, but this isn't.
While reading the entry I somewhat wanted to dislike it because of the initial impression left by the name, yet the item managed to paint an image of the items use in my mind and I soon have grown on this. ( for some reason the image is one of a druid using this item to convince a towns people to stop cutting down the nearby wood by impersonating the major. Sometimes my mind wanders in strange ways)
Yes, it's a robot and yes, you can use it for scouting / spying. But the impersonation part is so much more prevalent and flavorful I'm willing to disregard the spy-robot claim.
Why can only bards with versatile performance ( not even necessarily acting) use this item to it's full effect? Impersonation is normally covered by disguise and bluff. The disguise part is covered by the item, so anybody with bluff should be able to use it.
I like this :)
Lapidarious Phylactery
First glance ( really. not even reading) is saying: “Swiss army knife and Spells in a gem”
Sadly reading the entry gives me nothing new. A fancy way to produce various spell effects that ore not even really linked by a theme. ( I don't know much about gem symbolism, but I suspect that is the reason for the pairings of gems and spells. But that is not really a theme. )
Noose of Revelations
I'm feeling unpleasantly remembered of the self- strangulation fetish.
An Item that could potentially kill you ( and at the very least will reduce you to 0 HP ) should have something more intriguing to offer than a simple spell that can be achieved without taking this dire risk.
Also too many rolls and checks for my liking. I want an item with a smooth application that can easily integrated in the game.
Chi-Yan's Wondrous Whetstone of Wounding
Marimar Mage Most Magnificent approved!
Weapon ability in a can. Suely this has a place to exist as a wondrous item ( like the scabbard of sharpening) and might really see application. But it's missing innovation and creativity.
Amulet of Mirrorwalking
Yeah. The reference to the prestige class pretty much killed you.
And thats too sad. I like this item.
The teleportation effect is rather bland, but a fixed staple of mirrorwalking. ( whats mirrorwalking without teleporting through mirrors? ) And the gaze and scrying part is a nice touch.
Wrong Slot too. ( I made the same mistake. I won't do so again :) )
Journal of Many Travels
A Journal that writes down what the owner dictates is not a new idea ( It even had an appearance in major Hollywood movies, like Harry Potter). But your interpretation is nice, well thought trough and thankfully low level in effect.
It doesn't try to do too much, which is good.
After all this again is a nice item, thats missing a bit on the creativity side of things. Or as Clark likes to say: “good, but not good enough”.
PIPE OF INEFFABLE CLARITY
Gandalf's pipe!Or is it Elminster's? Or is it Samuel Vimes' cigar as a pipe, or... ?
Great theme, nicely fit. This is an example for a good spell in a can item.
Basically it just allows you to produce some spell effects, but these are intervened with the fluff in such a way that I really don't mind. You had a great theme going and sticked to it.
What I don't like is the “permanent” and ownership part. And to a minor degree that the bonus is untyped.
CANE OF AGES
Problem: Maximum age is a variable, as are starting ages. ( which most characters never determine for themselves)
Problem: -1 size category. Did you have you problems with wordcount?
Suggestion: there is a “young” template in the bestiary. Use it.
“Spellcasters affected by this item do not gain any additional bonus spells for increased ability scores, but the save DC’s for spells cast while using this item may be affected. This item does not alter a character’s skill ranks.”
This sentence can be removed. How temporary bonuses work is clearly described in the book and these bonuses only last 1 hour, that means that they are temporary.
I like that you utilized a rules that doesn't see light very often ( close to never) and I like how the changes in age are reflected in the cane's appearance.
This also has a rod feeling to it. But the line between rods and wondrous items is very thin.
Beckett's Bucket
Morte? Is that you? You damned little floating bastard of a Skull, I know it's you.
Yeah, this seems to be unique. And that means it's either an artifact or an unique creature. Maybe an intelligent item.( like you really suggest in your description)
I don't like effects that only work on DM discretion.
Also the name's bad. With or without your name.
Shard of the Shattered Soul
Hmm. Simple, nice and flavorful. That is good.
There is somewhat a gap in theme between the +5 on mental skill check and channel negative energy.
Also remember that a cleric without selective channeling actually hurts himself when channeling negative energy to harm living creatures.
Gloves of Thieving
An item that gives class features is often neither a good idea nor very creative.
Extra ranks are another no go. And are they still limited to a maximum number of ranks equal to character level?
Stuff being selected by the GM are a pet peeve of me. Don't like that.
Remove “The GM informs the player that” Items are rules, yet pretty near to being ingame ( like most rules however) so there is a 4th wall. Try not to break it.
I like that the gloves are robbing rings etc. from the hands of their owners though.
Spiked Ball
Another item you have to swallow. Oral fixation anyone?
It has already been mentioned that basing an items charges on the attributes of the wearer is bad. ( I blame Magic item compendium) but basing them on the wearers level is definitely worse. Simply make it a lesser, normal and greater spiked ball and price them according to the character levels you had in mind.
Recharging ( possibly infinitely with lesser restoration at hand and some days worth of time) is not good either.
But aside from that it's an icky, yet flavorful item.
LEERING MONOCLE OF THE JEALOUS CRITIC
Nice idea, but that it is not limited in uses per day pretty much kills it for me.( I know there are examples for unlimited use items similar to this one)
I also don't like fixing a rolls result. (with a few exceptions, like the law domains power) The die roll is the basic element of chance in the game and I think that it should remain random at nearly all times. I would have liked a fixed penalty ( like the -4 from bestow curse , or -10 for the average d20) much more.
PIPE OF OSTENSIBLE CLOUT
Heh. I like this. I know some of my characters who would love this. If they would smoke the pipe and if their intelligence was higher than their charisma ( for at least one of them this is true).
The bonus shouldn't be untyped however.
And I'm not really sure if changing key abilities is really wondrous item territory or reserved for class abilities. But this is simply fitting, so I'm leaning in your favor
the item should be more expensive though.
One thing I noticed about naming your item. While some names might be great if standing for their own, they might get different implications when in the wrong company.
My own item might be the perfect example for this:
the Ferryman's Toll
might be flavorful alone and gets one guessing about the implications of the item., but if it shows up in a great list of items:
...
the Butchers Hook
the Watchmen's Whistle
the Ferryman's Toll
...
you might get the wrong idea :)
This is not really a problem, just a funny thing I noticed.