Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, hypnotism, at least 8 ranks in Concentration; Cost 14,281 gp
Thanks in advance for your critique(s)!
PFRPG no longer has a concentration skill. That cost you, your item features a few internal inconsistencies: +2 vs +1 bonus to DC.
You may also have overdone the item a little by piling up powers.
I have just finished page 4.
My comments are getting shorter and new sights are getting more rare.
I hope these are still helpful to you all. I'm certainly still learning new things.
This will be the last page for the weekend. during the week I will continue with this experiment, but will have less time to do so ( and will be busy reading the Top32 monsters) so don't expect a new page every day :)
Bone Chains of Torture
That this item cannot be removed makes this more of a cursed item or a graft.
„... crawls out a bone devil carrying the unholy item desired“ - Wait. I did desire an unholy item when I activated this?
What does this item give us? A gruesome , evil way to get another item, which in turn gives +5 to intimidate checks, yet only when torturing and a free willed devil.
Meh. I'd rather buy gloves of intimidation +5 and an amulet of Bone devil summoning.
This item is quite complicated and by trying to get all thats happening right from a rules perspective, the flair suffers.
I think this is either Home campaign item or Plot device (a way for the BBEG to show off with some FX before torturing the PCs. Do you want a detailed and cinematic torturing scene (with your Pc being the victim) in your game? I don't really want that. ( that is not a “no torture” rule, we just don't get into too much detail with thing not everyone at the table will be comfortable with (so “no porn”, but not “no romance”). I think this also should be a maxim to design. Try to avoid things your audience might not feel comfortable with.
Torc of the Sentinel
Scouting item.
One Question: are you player or DM at your table?
I tend to think that players like these items, because it allows them to circumvent ambushes and other nasty surprises their DMs has ready for them. Dms hate these for pretty much the same reason. If they want to keep the players on their toes they need to find a way to fool or circumvent these scouters.
Simply ask yourself: what is more fun? Knowing that there is an ambush ahead and going around it, or being ambushed and fighting your way out? Sure, sometimes having the upper hand and maybe setting up a counter-ambush is fun, but always? And sometimes catching the PCs off guard is an important element for both flair and plot.
That said, I don't like this kind of item, because they tend to lover the overall fun at the table.
(Esp. when you have to figure out where exactly your sensor is and what exactly it can see)
The Butchers Keeper
You yourself say that butchers are using the item. But the game is not about butchers, so any item that explains how they are preserving their meat in a fantasy setting is wasted space, imho.
“your average dagger” My average dagger is a +5 holy shocking burst dagger of disruption. Yours?
Critical hit, not critical strike.
The save of the DC is? 1d3 hardly matters. Esp. not on a critical hit.
So this is a weapon that is not commonly used as a weapon.
This is not a wondrous item.
Wraps of Stolen Swiftness
Cool, but needs some clarifications.
Can you activate it while making a normal attack( iterative attacks) ? Does the touch attack provoke AOO's ?
Are you hasted even if your enemy makes his save?
An additional ongoing effect like a bonus to initiative might have been a nice touch.
The Cold Shoulder
“The Cold Shoulder”? I'm expecting a gag item here.
Spell in a can.
Swiss army knife too.
I don't know about a resist cold spell. ;)
Some of the spell have a nice touch though, but not enough to get me really interested in this.
Nothing new here.
Watchman's Whistle
We had a butcher's item and a merchant's item. now we have a watchman's item. At least the watchman's profession is way closer to an adventurer's so maybe it doesn't solve a problem adventurers don't have.
After all this is a nice idea, but it too closely resembles a horn of Valhalla (which is way more expensive) . And isn't really that intriguing to characters.
So it is borderline on some reasons for rejection:
It does solve problems adventurers don't have.
It is just a new version of an item already existing.
Hag Eye
I like where you are going with this. But it seems to be too low on the price side.
You don't need to explain what ethereal creatures are, or why they are ethereal.
The drawback seems to be a late addition, not really a part of the item. Also its effects are rather negligible.
You are dictating a reaction to noticing the point of light. Everyone who notices it will become suspicious ( of what? ). Better: “can make a perception check against DC 23 to detect a small point of jet black light, which seems to be watching it.”
Amulet of Perfection
A feat granting item? Nothing new.
Oh. It actually lets you choose your feat and change it. That might be bad.
Palanquin of Glorious Sightseeing
Sightseeing? Oh boy.
Glad to see that the bearers are oiled. If this came without oiled, bar-chested bearers it would be soo passé ;-)
NPC item?
While the Palanquin might be a fancy sight on a city street setting and a great way to introduce a decadent NPC . I can't see it being anything more.
Egorian Fetter
It takes a moment to realize, but this is after all just a swiss army knife in a can.
Its also questionable if this really is a magic item and not a creature, spell ,template, graft or something else.
Intrigue Mirror
Again a plot device or setpiece item.
It doesn't say anything about controlling the duplicate in any way.
Does the duplicate register as magic to detect magic and similar effects?
Can you take it's equipment and sell it?
Helm of the Triumphant Charge
Nice theme, nice item. But the 1/day per rank in Intimidate makes it a nightmare to price.
Fragment of the Abyssal Cenotaph
The name alone would be more fitting for an artifact.
Leaving a trail of flaming, screaming souls? Illidan comes to mind.
The damage is quite high considering that there is no save (or does the will save chancel both effects?)
if you cower on the trail, do you suffer the damage every round?
You don't state that producing a trail counts as a use of the item. ( It's obviously intended, but not stated)
I love flametrailing effects. And this is an evil one too. I would love to see a mechanically polished version of this to use it in my game.
Law-zenge of Average Power
An item of average power? But I want something AWESOME! :p
for 4 hours? Thats way too long. An average taking effect becomes boring after just one round.
“You ate the candy? Put aside your dice for the next 4 hours, because everything you'll do will be exactly average. Exited? No? “
Bandolier of Hidden Purpose
An utility belt that makes magical things look mundane.
This fails to grab attention. And seems paranoid.
Spectacles of the Student
You miss-spelled ”Wondrous item”.
It has superfluous backstory.
It's legend lore 2/day, +2 concentration and faster spell preparation.
The only thing innovative here is the ability to fill unprepared slots in combat time. And that is not necessarily a good idea.
CAP OF THE FAIR FOLK
your dashes are not rendered. “preview” helps you detecting these and fixing it.
Random effect items are not well received by the judges ( I don't like them either) and this is random but not really random ( anyway you are at least invisible). So meh!
You had a not so good start with a random spell in a can like effect and then the drawback really killed the item for me. That is not a item drawback, thats a plothook. And so your item becomes a plot device.
Sapling of the Seventh Season
This items last doesn't work well with the existing animal companion rules. But aside from this I really like your item.
Const Wand of Wands
A make your own item item.
I don't think this is a good idea.
Also if your math needs explanation, try to find an easier formula.
Somnolent Statuette
“No random encounter will occur” Ow. I know what you want to do , but this will pretty much have killed you.
On top of being a camping item.
Items with drawbacks seem to be very, very popular ( mine had drawbacks too, so I'm in that crowd)
And now I continue with my “being the Judge” experiment. This time I will tackle page 2 of this thread.
"Scarab of the Sepulcher"
And I thank you for your time and efforts!
I agree that my formula for the HP regained is too long, and I tossed and turned over the formula, or using a standard "X # of HP". I used the formula because I wanted it to be based on the hp of the wearer.
And yes, the only being able to use it once every 48 hours was intentional, because feedback I gathered from friends showed concern that the item might be priced too low, and I figured that limitation justified NOT raising the price.
Thanks again for your time, and best of luck to the 32! I'll be voting!
Sphere of Searing Smoke
Spoiler:“each time the holder would normally take fire damage subtract 20 from the damage dealt”
Why not the wearer gains fire resistance 20 ?
Fog cloud should be in the requirements.
Simple, nice, but not great. At least not great enough.
Thank you for the feed back Az.
In answer to your question (which I have bolded above), the reason I didn't simply say fire resistance 20 is because none of the items that I looked at in the core rule book use that sort of terminology for energy resistances, they always write it out like I did in my entry.
Azmahel: Thanks for your insight. How you're getting through all these I don't know, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who appreciates your efforts.
There was an item in Year 1 that enabled you to make an impression of your dead mate in a shroud which you could use to raise him up later, so I understand your feeling of deja vu. But the core of my item was enabling the player with the dead character to continue playing, albeit with the significant handicap of being a zombie, and I hoped this made my item different enough.
Maybe this was my undoing, maybe it was something else, but your comments suggest it was at least a strike against me.
Did you submit an item, by the way? I'd like to return the favour, if I can.
Azmahel: Thanks for your insight. How you're getting through all these I don't know, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who appreciates your efforts.
There was an item in Year 1 that enabled you to make an impression of your dead mate in a shroud which you could use to raise him up later, so I understand your feeling of deja vu. But the core of my item was enabling the player with the dead character to continue playing, albeit with the significant handicap of being a zombie, and I hoped this made my item different enough.
Maybe this was my undoing, maybe it was something else, but your comments suggest it was at least a strike against me.
Did you submit an item, by the way? I'd like to return the favour, if I can.
No, I mean exactly the same. raising as zombie and all.
My item is the very first in this thread, but i already have received a ton of feedback. So you don't really need to do that.Your feedback will be appreciated though.
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Torc of the Sentinel
Scouting item.
One Question: are you player or DM at your table?
I tend to think that players like these items, because it allows them to circumvent ambushes and other nasty surprises their DMs has ready for them. Dms hate these for pretty much the same reason. If they want to keep the players on their toes they need to find a way to fool or circumvent these scouters.
Simply ask yourself: what is more fun? Knowing that there is an ambush ahead and going around it, or being ambushed and fighting your way out? Sure, sometimes having the upper hand and maybe setting up a counter-ambush is fun, but always? And sometimes catching the PCs off guard is an important element for both flair and plot.
That said, I don't like this kind of item, because they tend to lover the overall fun at the table.
(Esp. when you have to figure out where exactly your sensor is and what exactly it can see)
Thanks for the feedback, Azmahel.
As for your question about my role around the tabletop; I tend to be a DM as often as I'm a player. In fact, out of the three nights a week that I currently play, I'm running for two and playing for one.
Personally, I like tactical items, both as a player and as a DM, as I tend to think tactically in either role. As a player, I like items that promote my acting, instead of reacting to a situation. As a DM, I prefer my players to do the same, as I think it helps with immersion. Good tactical thought, I think, is just as important as good role-playing, as both lend themselves to balanced play. But, like most preferences, this is gonna be a matter of personal tastes and bias.
Basically, if you're thinking like your character would in a given situation, it cuts down on some of the metagaming and promotes, albeit subtle, role-playing. It's not like players should be expected to bebop down the dungeon halls when, normally, they'd be cautious, right?
While I get the worry, it's not like the wearer of the item is always away of things, since the torc takes conscious thought to use and to leave the sensory orb out there. If the wearer doesn't do that, then the sensory focus resets to non-viewing and to the characters location. It's not like the torc allows someone to be omniscient for a large radius around themselves, at all time.
That said, thanks for the critique, it's definitely something to think about.
I did a little editing to the version I submited, but it's basically the same. Please review me! (And thanks in advance)
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Aura faint divination; CL 8th
Slot -; Price 2,500 gp; Weight 1 lbs.
Roughly carved out of wood, this small statuette is shaped like a palm-sized grasshopper with runes carved on its sides. When the user breaths on it while thinking of a well-known or clearly visualized person or object, the statuette becomes a real grasshopper (hp 1, AC 16) and takes flight, seeking it’s target at 30 feet per round (300 feet per minute). The grasshopper flies for up to 40 minutes or until spotting its target, and then returns to the user. Anyone who eats the live grasshopper gains it’s memories, but is considered nauseated for 10 minutes. If the grasshopper is not consumed within 5 minutes of returning to the user, it dies and crumbles to dust. This is a one-use item.
The grasshopper cannot cross into other planes or detect someone under the effect of nondetection. In either case, the grasshopper goes as close as possible to the last place its target was detectable and waits until the total 40 minutes have elapsed. If the target becomes detectable once again, the grasshopper resumes its search.
Requirements Craft Woundrous Item, arcane eye, locate object, locate person; Cost 1,250 gp
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Bell of Lost Moments
Spoiler:This would be 72.000 GP so this item is greatly underpriced.
I appreciate more comments on my item. The more, the better!
But I have a question regarding the "greatly underpriced" matter.
How is this underpriced?
Maybe it's underpriced by a 1000, by 2000, but by 10.000+? I'm lost.
Would you please explain why it's underpriced?
P.S My dad helped me a lot with my math, so if it IS underpriced, blame him. ;)
P.S.S I'm 9 BTW.
Edit: Make that 10. 20 minutes ago I turned 10.
To Wicht:
Cloak of the River
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 5th
Slot -; Price 30,000 gp; Weight 3lbs.
Description
This brown traveling cloak grants its wearer the ability to walk upon water, and a + 10 to base speed.
Construction
Requirements craft wondrous item, expeditious retreat, water walk; Cost 15,000 gp
I know that Clark said he thought this was a joke when he first saw it, but personally I see few issues with it and I think it seems fairly elegant. It seems a lot like a magic item from a computer game like Heroes of Might and magic- simple. Or an item from 1E DnD. Not a superstar quality item, but it's not a terrible item. I could see some people using it in their home games.
I don't particularly see any non-mechanical problems with it. I don't think I would have combined it with a +10 to base speed unless that speed was on the water itself. The key is to add traits that fit an item's theme. It also may be a bit powerful if it is a permanent effect. One consequence of it is that it could allow someone to walk across an ocean- that's potentially game breaking, I would think. You may want to limit it.
It could also use some more flavorful description (see below for an example)
I think Slot should have been neck or something... uncertain without checking, but I think there should be something there.
So based on my comments, perhaps change:
"This brown traveling cloak grants its wearer the ability to walk upon water, and a + 10 to base speed."
to (pending your own stylistic and grammatical corrections, and probably not writing "30 minutes a day" twice... you don't want to repeat yourself- regrettably I don't have time to figure out how to elegantly express that idea in a better way (oops) but hopefully you get the idea):
This brown traveling cloak grants its wearer the ability to walk upon water for a maximum of 30 minutes a day. The cloak may be activated and deactivated countless times during the course of a day through pulling on twin frayed ropes fastened around its collar, but its effects are limited to 30 minutes total. The cloak also grants a +10 to speed while striding on water.
*Weight 3lbs. should be Weight 3 lbs. (with the space)
Good Luck next year. :)
RPG Superstar 2009 Top 32, 2010 Top 8
,
Star Voter Season 6
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Thanks. I used reflex because it's the save you typically use to avoid area effects, but that's a really good point.Eww. But nice. Best item so far. But Ewww.
One Point though: normally sickened is negated by an fortitude save, not reflex.
Fortitude save would also negate evasion. Maybe both saves? one for damage one for sickened? Or would that be the nerf bat.
My only other concern itemwise is as treasure. You can find troll fingers in a badguy's backpack, but this thing, if it's there he's not going to be using it during combat, and if he has it already 'on' then it's not salvagable. I don't know if that went into the judges thought process or not. (won't keep me from using it as a DM though)
Chief Technical Officer
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I'm going to toss out a few summaries from the Judges' comments here, working backwards, so I don't have to worry about whether Clark or Sean have already posted...
Homing Bug: The big problem is that it's just not all that useful. Since the bug isn't any faster than most people, it can only find people who are kind of nearby anyway—but by the time it finds them and gets back to you, and then you eat the bug and work your way back to the spot where the bug found the target, that person may well have moved on anyway. The spells used to create the bug are more effective than the bug itself.
Hello again, I asked for feedback on this a few pages back, but I only listed the name and not my description. In the interests of making review a little easier; I finally dragged up the file:
Thanks in advance again!
Aura moderate varied; CL 7th
Slot neck; Price 13,000 gp; Weight --.
The Collar is applied to the neck with magically imbued ink that is tattooed to the skin. The form the tattoo takes is often left to the discretion of the artist who applies it. The Collar takes up a slot as a necklace.
While wearing the Beastfriend's Tattooed Collar, you may telepathically speak with an animal who you are familiar with 2x/day at a range of up to 3000 feet. Both you and the animal are allowed to share a total of 40 words sending and receiving messages per activation of the Collar. The animal does not have to be an animal companion, but you must have previously interacted with it. A user may choose to speak to a different animal on each activation. Even if a user lacks the ability to speak with animals, the Collar facilitates comprehension by both animals and the user. Only users who can cast divine or arcane spells may use the Collar's telepathic abilities.
The Collar gives all users powerful abilities of command. Even without the use of a lure or food, the Collar permits users to command small or tiny animals within 60 feet 3x/day.
Additionally, the Collar grants a +2 circumstantial bonus on handle animal checks and on diplomacy rolls when dealing with creatures that have the animal type.
The Beastfriend's Tattooed Collar can be destroyed if it is a direct target of a break enchantment spell. Its magic also ends on the wearer’s death.
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, command, sending, speak with animals; Cost 6,500 gp
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Chief Technical Officer
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Prism of the Pervasive Psyche: Clark's generally not fond of hypnotism items, though he was really pretty much ambivalent on this one. Wes felt that the reduced Will save was too big a tradeoff for using the calming effect, and that the whole thing felt a little too New Agey.
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Chief Technical Officer
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Cape of the Wandering Swallowtails: Wes felt it was pretty much just the spells used with some penalties applied. And butterflies, which did not excite him. And you confused "sever" and "severe."
Sean doesn't get why it would make you gaseous—he thinks turning you into a swarm would have been more appropriate. Also, you've left some questions unanswered. How *much* light do the "lucent" butterflies give off? Can the blur-swarm be attacked or controlled? If so, what happens?
Oh! Oh! Do me next! St. Cyr's Cup.
Re Torag's Teakettle: Thanks Azmahel for the bit of feedback, though I don't see how unlimited holy water is an issue especially seeing as making an item that produce 1st level spell effect is continuously/use activated is simple. I figured a easy way to moderate the effect was to include the lengthy preparation time (lengthy at least in a dungeon setting).
THanks Vic for giving more feedback on items. :)
Owner - Johnny Scott Comics and Games
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Hi Clark!
Hope it's not too late for feedback. I'm pretty sure I got the math wrong, but would appreciate any feedback/suggestions for improvement you can provide.
Thanks in advance!
Here's my item:
Name: Poxglove
Aura: faint necromancy
CL: 5th
Slot: Hands
Price: 61,200 gp
Weight: -
Description
This well worn lightweight glove is covered in grime and filth, often with small tears on the fingers and near the wrist. The wearer is immune to disease, although diseases that are active when the Poxglove is first donned still run their course.
In addition, the Poxglove allows the wearer to infect a living target with one disease (per the spell Contagion) 3 times per day as a melee touch attack. The target can negate the effect with a Fortitude save. The DC of the save varies based on the disease (See the table below).
Each Poxglove can deliver a single disease determined at item creation. See below for a list of diseases a Poxglove may contain and the associated Fortitude save DCs to resist the effects:
Disease/ Fortitude DC
Blinding Sickness/ 16
Bubonic Plague/ 17
Cackle Fever/ 16
Filth Fever/ 12
Leprosy/ 12
Mindfire/ 12
Red Ache/ 15
Shakes/ 13
Slimy Doom/ 14
Poxgloves are typically found as a left hand glove to keep the wearer’s weapon hand free, but right hand gloves also exist, so it is possible to use one Poxglove in each hand. When two Poxgloves are used in this manner, the Poxgloves are considered light weapons for the purposes of Two Weapon Fighting.
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Contagion, Remove Disease. The type of disease conveyed by the Poxglove must be determined at item creation and cannot be changed.
Cost: 30,600 gp
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Chief Technical Officer
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Eyes of the Duergar Prospector: Clark felt permanent blindness was too much for a wondrous item. Clark and Sean agreed that it's basically a "Duergar in a can," essentially giving specific racial abilities to anyone with enough gold. And Sean pointed out that as written, it bypasses invisibility for anyone carrying metal—you may not see them, but you do see their stuff...
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Chief Technical Officer
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Clark, could you please provide your feedback on the "Rancid Wreath of the Shattered Jaw"? I appreciate it (although I might have to brace myself).
Yes... brace yourself.
Clark liked the first sentence, but it was all downhill from there.
Giving you powers of the monsters you kill is completely and totally broken.
How do you even know how to price it if you don't actually know what the user gets out of it?
Nothing in the rules ties monster abilities to specific parts of the anatomy, so you're asking for the GM to make judgment calls on every monster in existence. What about a dragon's breath weapon? A gorgon's breath? A destrachan's shout? A howler's howl? A banshee's wail?
You have competence bonuses that stack. Typed bonuses do not stack.
The user essentially gets to make this item, or at least decide what powers it has, without actually having to have any craft skills.
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Chief Technical Officer
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Companion’s Shifting Collar: This gives arcane casters near-instant access to any familiar bonus they want, which is broken, and forcing druids and rangers to recreate companion stats on the fly is not fun. The phrase "an animal that is bonded to an individual by a class feature" raises questions: Does a paladin's mount count? Can this apply to familiars bonded via Improved Familiar? Why can't I do this with my fighter and his dog he's had since childhood?
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Bloodstone: Clark and Sean both felt the writing was clunky, with grammar problems—things like "must willingly dealing" and "possessing a language." Sean pointed out that a bloodstone is a type of gem, and this isn't one.
Thanks for helping Clark and Sean out, Vic. You're an absolute champion.
Excellent points, all. I would like to hear what they liked about the item though. Constructive criticism is all well and good, but I would like to know where they think I'm going right. Ie. Aside from their gripes with the writing, did they like the actual item? Because if it was just the writing quality holding me back, then I'm a shoe-in for next year.
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Chief Technical Officer
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The Helm of Subtle Dominion: Ultimately, it's mind fog with flavor that was considered over-the-top, and at a crazy price. More importantly, two aspects of it just don't work like anything else in the rules: getting +1 armor from a helm, and the permanent Will penalty. The judges felt that you may not have a solid understanding of how things like that are supposed to work.
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Chief Technical Officer
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Bloodstone: Clark and Sean both felt the writing was clunky, with grammar problems—things like "must willingly dealing" and "possessing a language." Sean pointed out that a bloodstone is a type of gem, and this isn't one.Thanks for helping Clark and Sean out, Vic. You're an absolute champion.
Excellent points, all. I would like to hear what they liked about the item though. Constructive criticism is all well and good, but I would like to know where they think I'm going right. Ie. Aside from their gripes with the writing, did they like the actual item? Because if it was just the writing quality holding me back, then I'm a shoe-in for next year.
The down side to me summarizing is that I can't tell you anything that isn't there. Remember, this is a whittling-down process, so the judges are, by necessity, talking more about what's wrong than what's right—at least, until they get down to the short list of candidates, at which point they tend to discuss the positives a bit more. Personally, I'd assume that anything not specifically mentioned wasn't a big problem.
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Chief Technical Officer
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Bloody Bones of the Tribal Champion: Sean thought it was unexciting and overpriced, but overall, not too bad. Clark thought it was good but not good enough. Wes doesn't like items that require you to hurt yourself to use: they have limited appeal, and don't tend to be used often even by those that will use them. He felt that outside of the flavor, it was fairly mundane.
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Chief Technical Officer
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Totem of Manipulative Summons: This raised too may rules questions:
Do I get to pick if the summoned creature is stronger or weaker? How does that happen?
Is there a limit to the number of creatures I can bind to this thing to dodge the cumulative rebellion chance?
Spirit binding is an hour-long ritual that needs a tooth or bone of the creature. But the tooth of a summoned creature would disappear, along with the rest of the creature, at the end of the summon spell...
Wes also noted that he was unclear on a few other things, but since you'd already been rejected by two judges, he didn't elaborate.
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Chief Technical Officer
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Cloth of the Blind Crusader: Exploitable (the quest/geas will be "I swear to X" where X is whatever the party was planning to do anyway...) and underpriced:
Goggles of night are 12,000, and that only gives you darkvision. This gives you BLINDSIGHT for only 20,000, and you *also* get immunity to compulsions—a simple +5 to Will saves is 8000, so even discounting the +50% cost rule we've already matched this item's price. Then, you're also immune to fatigue and exhaustion, and you gain the effects of a ring of sustenance (2500 gp).
Finally, blindness doesn't seem to have an obvious connection to being a crusader.
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Chief Technical Officer
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Portable Orcish Birthing Pit: You can have control of an orc with a +6 magic weapon, and another one with a +2 weapon, for eight hours a day.
The judges didn't say a lot here, but it's pretty clear they were not liking it at all.
Personally, I think you fell in love with your "X" mechanic, which I think is mathematically suspicious to begin with, and didn't really spend much time thinking about balance, or how players would actually use this.
Cape of the Wandering Swallowtails: Wes felt it was pretty much just the spells used with some penalties applied. And butterflies, which did not excite him. And you confused "sever" and "severe."
Sean doesn't get why it would make you gaseous—he thinks turning you into a swarm would have been more appropriate. Also, you've left some questions unanswered. How *much* light do the "lucent" butterflies give off? Can the blur-swarm be attacked or controlled? If so, what happens?
Wow. Thanks for the input. I'm a bit humbled, yet thankful for the critique.
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Chief Technical Officer
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Protector’s Ink: Sean notes it's in the category of "I stay at home while you adventure" unlimited-range healthlink spells, which, the judges feel, are pretty much contrary to the point of the game.
You said "It is worth noting that it is highly likely that if the protected dies - so does the protector." Clark disagrees, and feels that this item would end up getting the most use by high-level PCs protecting low-levels while they power level, essentially unkillable by the threats they face and posing no actual chance of death to the protector.
Don't just think about how your items can be used—think about how they can be *abused*.
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The down side to me summarizing is that I can't tell you anything that isn't there. Remember, this is a whittling-down process, so the judges are, by necessity, talking more about what's wrong than what's right—at least, until they get down to the short list of candidates, at which point they tend to discuss the positives a bit more. Personally, I'd assume that anything not specifically mentioned wasn't a big problem.
Thanks Vic. I suppose that's encouraging. Next year I'll try and knock it out of the park.
And thanks to Charles for taking a swing also - your comments are appreciated, and have been given serious consideration.
Personally, I did what I felt was something of a 'safe' item. Next time, I'll bring out the cool, awe-inspiring stuff. I hope.
I've already started refining an entry for next year myself. Figured I start it while item creation is fresh in my mind.