Judge his entry based on the quality of his prose--the highest this round. Judge his entry on the clarity of presentation--again the highest. Judge his entry on his professionalism; Neil, throughout this contest and in this round, has shown himself to be dedicated, considerate, and responsible. Judge his entry on whether it makes you go, "I wanna DM that" and "I wanna play that". For me, this was the adventure I wanted to play. Finally, judge his entry on whether or not you think he can deliver.
I have to agree here. All the entrants clearly have good ideas and a passion for their adventures and, with a few passes through committee and good editing, could all become publishable adventures. But Neil's is ready for the real thing.
I'll let others discuss the entries from the perspectives of a player, DM, rules maven, or setting expert. But from the perspective of a writer and storyteller, Neil's work really stands out. He has consistently delivered engaging and professional work within the given constraints. He has never reached for the low-hanging fruit; rather he challenges himself -- and often, the readers -- to go beyond the expected and see what's possible.
Neil's writing is confident, literary, technically excellent, and engaging. Of the entries this round, I believe his is the most "ready for prime-time." He kept his adventure appropriate in scope, yet connected to the greater literary tradition (Shakespeare, CS Lewis, Stephen Kings "Mist," Grimms' Fairy Tales were all mentioned; I'd add "The King of Elfland's Daughter" to the list). He uses writing conventions naturally and has avoided careless errors, typos, and grammatical mistakes. Everything "fits" and is enjoyable to read. His body of work shows not only good ideas, but good implementation and competence at every point in the process. If the judges want someone they can count on to jump in right away and deliver high-quality work regardless of the assignment, Neil is their man.
(Although the evil blink dogs are nice. What happens to the rider when they blink, though? And I really see fey as being more cat people, don't you? What about displacer beasts? Anyways... )
Just an FYI, Displacer Beasts are not OGL to the best of my knowledge ;p They're one of the beasties from the MM that WoTC made hands off. It is a shame, as they really are the natural counter to blink dogs ...
(This may have changed, but I found a listing elsewhere of all the beasties that could not be used and pasted it into a file)
Since I feel this is his weakest round, I feel that people are projecting their desires and their fond memories onto the text of this round.
That may be true for some, but I haven't followed this at all until this round.
I'm going to have to agree with Trevor Gulliver/Tarren Dei here. I think it is simply the best on all the counts he mentioned. I'll admit that some/all of these are matters of opinion, but I happen to share that opinion that this module is the best on those counts.
I do agree that I'd like to see the fey "weirded up" in the final module...but the author may have been planning to do so anyway.
Gamergirrl you are correct. Displacer Beasts are not OGL.
(Although the evil blink dogs are nice. What happens to the rider when they blink, though? And I really see fey as being more cat people, don't you? What about displacer beasts? Anyways... )Just an FYI, Displacer Beasts are not OGL to the best of my knowledge ;p They're one of the beasties from the MM that WoTC made hands off. It is a shame, as they really are the natural counter to blink dogs ...
Right you are.
Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8
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Suggestion:
I had an idea, and wanted to share it, good or bad. Maybe it will help decide what could be or what to avoid, but here it is:
Instead of Gnomes on Blink Dogs, How about a war party of Pixies (or generic tiny sized Fae.) riding in a war-basket on top of said Blink Dogs? Gnomes just seem to be kinda...blah for this scene.
I envision it looking like the scene from LOTR with the war elephants, only on a Fae sized scale. Imagine instead a basket strapped to a blinkdog of fae design where they can amass and launch tiny sized javelins, or balista bolts all the while blinking around whooping and hollering curses at the PCs.
This would change the chase scene into a chaotic hell ride when swarms of evil pixies threaten to overbear the PCs and unicorns. Perhaps there are so much that they become akin to a Pixie locust swarm (swarm template maybe?), which is why the unicorns come to whisk the PCs away.
If the PCs stop to try and fight them they may disperse the swarm somewhat, but they will keep coming forcing a retreat. Then you can play out the chase scene when the PCs think they are safe they start to hear sporadic cackles and glee, as the dogs gain ground by blinking in and out getting ever closer to the unicorns.
Pixies trying to board the unicorns flanks, and getting caught in the PCs hair, gear, or whatever as they leap to stop the unicorns escape, can add a comical yet deadly element as they start to weaken the unicorns by stabbing, impaling them with small wounds that will add up over time.
A visual reference that also came to mind was the opening scenes of Underworld: Evolution where the one vampire was on horse back racing back to the keep as werewolves gave chase. They swarmed her on both sides on higher ground, and eventually behind her, then she just barely made it to the keep as archers fired on the wolves. Maybe you can use that for inspiration for this scene.
What do you guys think, worth tryign it out? Too silly? Too hard to implement?
Creative Director
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It's that 'pulled for irrelevence' which could impact this proposal. How often do blink dogs or unicorns show up in Paizo adventures?
Paizo will likely be expanding the dinosaur section of the Bestiary (editor's perogative!) and may be bringing in some creatures from Necromancer's Tome of Horrors.
How far off the bottom of the list of creatures 'endangered' by these additions will blink dogs and unicorns be, unless Paizo have deliberately held back Bestiary space for 'creatures used by the 2009 Superstar'?
What monsters do and don't end up in the Pathfinder Bestiary shouldn't impact too much, especially since this module's coming out a half-year after the Bestiary. We'll certainly be using non PF Bestiary monsters in our other adventures, likely immediately. So whether or not monster is endangered or not doesn't matter, especially since the vast majority of the monsters that are in the SRD will be in the Pathfinder Bestiary anyway.
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I greatly enjoyed reading this adventure proposal! It's a tough decision between this one and "Last Ride of the Mammoth Lords", but in the end this gets my vote because if I saw both adventures on the shelf I'd buy this one first. (Then save up for Mammoth Lords :-).
It seems like a few people have issues with the "chase" scene. It also seems like it would be really easy to make sure some kind of a chase happens: the PCs run into a scout party just ahead of a portion of the Queen's army (heading to the big battle), and standing their ground isn't an option unless they want to face overwhelming forces. Regardless, in a case like this where a portion of a proposal doesn't give quite as much information as one might like, you have to ask yourself if you trust the writer. Since I completely believe that Neil can back up his claim that a harrowing chase will ensue, it's not an issue for me.
Oh, and I really like the Gossamere Wraith. I don't know about the "slaying by a chaos beast" bit, but overall it's a cool monster and there might be a good explanation for the odd origin.
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What monsters do and don't end up in the Pathfinder Bestiary shouldn't impact too much, especially since this module's coming out a half-year after the Bestiary. We'll certainly be using non PF Bestiary monsters in our other adventures, likely immediately. So whether or not monster is endangered or not doesn't matter, especially since the vast majority of the monsters that are in the SRD will be in the Pathfinder Bestiary anyway.
Thanks for clarifying this. I was about to ask about this, but you already gave the answer! Paizo employees rock :-).
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If blink dogs aren't in the Pathfinder Bestiary, then either the scene goes, blink dogs go in the back of the module taking up space, or Sean pencils in a note for DMs 'use the stats for zombie ghoul dogs with the ability xyz'...
Uhhhh.... no.
Remember, the entire point of Pathfinder RPG is to remain backwards-compatible with 3.5. Any 3.5 monster is usable with a minimum of alteration. Off the top of my head, I can't think of ANYTHING in the blink dog entry, except possibly skills, that would need to be changed for PRPG.
And, regardless, the "irrelevant creatures" was referring to the really oddball, specialized, niche critters like Tojanidas. I'm willing to bet you large amounts of cash that I don't have that blink dogs are in the bestiary.
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Loved this one! Would like the Fey to be more Fey and not Shadow... but otherwise very cool. Only criticism for me was the opening where the town is shrouded in mists and a thorn wall rises up trwppin the PCs in this other realm... Almost right out of Ravenloft, but just changed some minor elements. Not bad though.
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Creative Director
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IF this adventure wins...
and IF there are no blink dogs in the Pathfinder Bestiary...
... the likely result will be one of the two developments:
1) We just put in a stat block for blink dogs, updated to the PF RPG from the SRD. No big deal. You can't make an adventure without having any stat blocks, after all.
2) We replace the blink dogs with something similar that IS in the PF RPG that's similar, even if that's just regular riding dogs. Such a change would be made either because we ran into page count issues or (more likely) Me as the Editor-in-Chief really hates the idea of evil blink dogs and worked with the author to replace them with something else that coincidentally only uses a short stat block in the text of the adventure.
Hi, I just wanted to drop in and say you have my axe, um, my vote.
Wish I had some really clever way of expressing it at the moment, but a lot of it is because you write very well and a lot more of it is because your idea really grabbed me this round. In fantasy and folklore, I've always been extra fond of the fey, and always thought D&D never bothered to do them any justice... just relegating them to Tinkerbells and sparkling soppiness.
There's always been more to them than that, and dangit, they deserve better in RPGs. Way back when folklore was current news, people were flippin' scared to cross them! They even made up fancy titles to avoid calling them by name!
Also... you feature a gnome beekeeper who controls deadly bee-swarms. I don't have words to describe how awesome that is.
And logistics aside, a drunk treant is cool enough to come up with loopholes to allow it. ^-^
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2) We replace the blink dogs with something similar that IS in the PF RPG that's similar, even if that's just regular riding dogs. Such a change would be made either because we ran into page count issues or (more likely) Me as the Editor-in-Chief really hates the idea of evil blink dogs and worked with the author to replace them with something else that coincidentally only uses a short stat block in the text of the adventure.
worked here is defined by torture in the Iron Maiden :P
Neil, throughout RPG Superstar 2009 I think you've been one of my consistent favorites (if not my total favorite) and I really like what you've proposed for your Pathfinder Module, and I keep thinking that YES... I would like to GM that/run that module for my group. (Which currently has two gnome PC's as of this writing.) Anyway... after reading all the proposals... and even some of the judges comments (and other comments) I must say that I'm voting for you Mr. Spicer. Good Luck with all that you do, and I hope that come January 2010 I get to have "Realm of the Fellnight Queen" in my hot little hands thanks to my modules subscription.
Well Done.
~Dean; The_Minstrel_Wyrm
Suggestion:
I had an idea, and wanted to share it, good or bad. Maybe it will help decide what could be or what to avoid, but here it is:
Instead of Gnomes on Blink Dogs, How about a war party of Pixies (or generic tiny sized Fae.) riding in a war-basket on top of said Blink Dogs? Gnomes just seem to be kinda...blah for this scene.
I envision it looking like the scene from LOTR with the war elephants, only on a Fae sized scale. Imagine instead a basket strapped to a blinkdog of fae design where they can amass and launch tiny sized javelins, or balista bolts all the while blinking around whooping and hollering curses at the PCs.
This would change the chase scene into a chaotic hell ride when swarms of evil pixies threaten to overbear the PCs and unicorns
I like this...
2) We replace the blink dogs with something similar that IS in the PF RPG that's similar, even if that's just regular riding dogs. Such a change would be made either because we ran into page count issues or (more likely) Me as the Editor-in-Chief really hates the idea of evil blink dogs and worked with the author to replace them with something else that coincidentally only uses a short stat block in the text of the adventure.
I like this too...
Maybe Yeth Hounds flying after the party and baying while pixies in howdahs (perhaps with ear-plugs to avoid the fear effect) rain javelins or arrows down on the fleeing party..
Congrats on advancing.
Here are some random thoughts...
1) I don't like the name Fellnight. It sounded too familiar. Perhaps I am remembering the "Fell Knight" in Final Fantasy IV, except I never played any of the Final Fantasy games. I don't know, but it sounds VERY familiar.
2) The Queen's Crook (sounds like the "Queen's Rook") could be in her posession for 2 reasons. The first is, that she needed it to unlock the prison. The second is that it just happened to be in her posession when she was imprisoned, and she couldn't get rid of it. In either case, I'm ok with her having it, but it does seem slightly convenient.
3) GNOMES GET NO LOVE! I don't know why. They didn't even make it to the 4th edition PHB. Several people here hated that there were gnomes. They are not simply "short dwarves". Gnomes and Dwarves don't even have the same background. Dwarves are from Norse mythology (yet for some reason, most people speak with a Scottish accent when roleplaying them). Gnomes are either German or Irish, depending on which tale D&D borrowed them from. Gnomes are not even the smallest race, but I suspect all the Hobbit and Kender fans out there keep Halflings from getting picked on. LET THERE BE GNOMES! I, for one, am glad that Neil added them, and hope that he does them justice if he wins.
4) While I'm talking about gnomes, can anyone point to the pathfinder reference about Gnomes and Bleaching? I can't find it.
5) More on Gnomes... Neil, I don't know if you are trying to say that Gnomes are fey creatures (Tenzekil went into the first world), but they are not. The Pathfinder Roleplaying Game Beta Rulebook simply says that they are "linked to the fey" and says that some dwell with the fey. They are not fey themselves.
6) Fey get no love (but more than Gnomes). I am glad you included them.
7) I never liked that only female elf maidens could ride unicorns. Requiring three separate variables (race, gender, and virtue) seemed a little extraneous. Kind of like...
8) ...how a Gossamere Wraith requires a) a nixie, b) be killed by a chaost beast, and c) be vengeful after reforming. So, Kudos for allowing PC's to ride unicorns, but bad form for the creation requirements of a Gossamere Wraith. It's too random. Why on Golarion does a nixie get special treatment if it's killed by a particular creature (but only if it's vengeful)?
9) The preferred term for a beekeeper is an Apiarist. But I'm willing to let it slide. Perhaps it was an hornets, I mean honest, mistake. (OK, that pun was a stretch) I'll bee-hive from now on. :)
10) There was an objection to a drunk treant? You say you don't even know if they CAN get drunk? Then what, may I ask, is the purpose of WOOD ALCOHOL (methanol)? :P
Over all, I think you did a good job. It may sound like I'm a little nitpicky (I am), but I just wanted you to consider these things in case you do win, since this is my last opportunity for advice.
I will say that my initial impression was that this was the best submission, but Roguerouge brought up a few points I hadn't considered. I don't agree with all of them, but I do agree that if you "ding" one adventure for a TPK, you have to "ding" them all. Ditto for the liberal use of the term "palace", since that will likely be too ambitious for a 32 page adventure that includes all of the other stuff you mentioned. You are still a contender. I'll have to think about who gets my vote.
1) I don't like the name Fellnight. It sounded too familiar. Perhaps I am remembering the "Fell Knight" in Final Fantasy IV, except I never played any of the Final Fantasy games. I don't know, but it sounds VERY familiar.
Could be Hellknights, too.
0) There was an objection to a drunk treant? You say you don't even know if they CAN get drunk? Then what, may I ask, is the purpose of WOOD ALCOHOL (methanol)? :P
dass wat I sayed. *hic*
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Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Champion Voter Season 8
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I like this too...
Maybe Yeth Hounds flying after the party and baying while pixies in howdahs (perhaps with ear-plugs to avoid the fear effect) rain javelins or arrows down on the fleeing party..
I have a new hatred for Yeth hounds since RoTRL :) that would work well indeed.
9) The preferred term for a beekeeper is an Apiarist.
Ahh, but did you know that the correct plural of "apiarist" is "apiarides"?
(Sorry, just poking a little fun at Trevor! :))
I am amused greatly by the title comments. It seems that if you want to impress people, go with the traditional "X of the Y" title.
That being said, this adventure seems interesting, but looks like a TPK to me (just like Dragonrest Isle, I guess he should have named it "Isle of the Dragon's Rest" to get extra points there too). I think that its a TPK waiting to happen, but could be adjusted.
It doesn't get my vote, but its a good job nonetheless. I like Neil's submissions, I think he should team up with Matthew and they could really create some seriously amazing material.
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3) GNOMES GET NO LOVE! I don't know why. They didn't even make it to the 4th edition PHB. Several people here hated that there were gnomes. They are not simply "short dwarves". Gnomes and Dwarves don't even have the same background. Dwarves are from Norse mythology (yet for some reason, most people speak with a Scottish accent when roleplaying them). Gnomes are either German or Irish, depending on which tale D&D borrowed them from. Gnomes are not even the smallest race, but I suspect all the Hobbit and Kender fans out there keep Halflings from getting picked on. LET THERE BE GNOMES! I, for one, am glad that Neil added them, and hope that he does them justice if he wins.
hey... I don't like gnomes... and I like them here... "I get to kill gnomes for true and justice" only killing halflings is better than that :D
hey... I don't like gnomes... and I like them here... "I get to kill gnomes for true and justice" only killing halflings is better than that :D
The only gnomes that deserve death are a special sub-race of evil gnome. They are hated and despised by all gamers... The "Dice Gnome". They are the ones that walk away with your D8 when you aren't looking. They are related to the "Sock Gremlin" that lives in your dryer.
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hey... I don't like gnomes... and I like them here... "I get to kill gnomes for true and justice" only killing halflings is better than that :DThe only gnomes that deserve death are a special sub-race of evil gnome. They are hated and despised by all gamers... The "Dice Gnome". They are the ones that walk away with your D8 when you aren't looking. They are related to the "Sock Gremlin" that lives in your dryer.
sorry don't know them... i have been accumulating dices for 15 years
the only time i lose a dice was when i changed half a country a way and a friend decided she wanted to keep Rigel... (green emerald 10d)yes.. i gave names to my dices... so what? :P
Neil, happy to say you've got my vote.
I especially liked this leading up to the big finale:
Next, the heroes get to storm Rhoswen’s imposing spine-filled palace. A variety of horrors wait inside. Topiary gargoyles defend the main courtyard. Barbed assassin vines threaten to pull intruders into yawning pits beneath the leaf-strewn passageways. Smoky belkers slip from room to room via tiny gaps in the chitinous, thorn-ridden walls. And deadly traps summon greater shadow conjurations of chaos beasts, shamblers, and Large earth elementals to battle for their queen.
(especially the topiary gargoyles)
Holy heavens, that could be fun!
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Marathon Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7
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hey... I don't like gnomes... and I like them here... "I get to kill gnomes for true and justice" only killing halflings is better than that :DThe only gnomes that deserve death are a special sub-race of evil gnome. They are hated and despised by all gamers... The "Dice Gnome". They are the ones that walk away with your D8 when you aren't looking. They are related to the "Sock Gremlin" that lives in your dryer.
sorry don't know them... i have been accumulating dices for 15 years
the only time i lose a dice was when i changed half a country a way and a friend decided she wanted to keep Rigel... (green emerald 10d)yes.. i gave names to my dices... so what? :P
Hmmmnn.. "acculmulating" you say? I wonder... is Montalve secretly a "Dice Gnome"? I mean... would anyone other than a Gnome keep dice as pets and name them? Sounds pretty Gnomey to me.....
Vote Spicer!
Pros:
gnomes! fey, first world (would love info about this in a module), bleaching
Cons:
having just played in the Carnvial of Tears...and am about to DM it for my Falcon's Hollow based game...corrupted fey...a little redundant
I don't like that ANY creature have have the fellnight template and be automatically considered a fey. Fey are tough little guys, but have weaknesses like really low hit points. mixing racial abilities & stuff makes the fey crazy hard to kill.
I would love to play this. (though a possible TPK at the end isn't very inviting, would probably home-rule it down a little or start the characters at a higher level)
Yay, you've got my vote!
I'm voting for this entry. It's good. And it amuses me.
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RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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I've finished reading all four entries, and I'm strangely uncertain about how I feel about this one. On one hand there's nothing I can find in this that specifically say looks wrong in terms of mechanics, pacing, internal logic, etc. (with the exception of trying to poison the immune to poison unicorns that Jason Nelson pointed out and the final encounter being too high CR for the party. The later is easily fixed, however.)
On the other hand, while there were certain elements and scenes that seem very cool (the bee swarm druid attack and the bleached gnome villain in particular), overall, the adventure didn't strike me as compelling. I don't have an issue with fey as villains, but I think my overall issue is that this doesn't feel too different from many other evil druid/fey romps through the forrest.
Regardless of who wins the Superstar crown, I look forward to seeing lots of Neil's work published in the future. In this case however, I'm going to have to vote for the Last Ride.
I mostly like this, except for a couple things. The first is small and easily fixed: The Queen's weapon is the "Crook of Cihldurine."
It's a fact that when people read scrambled words, they often unscramble them, so I read this as the "Crook of Child Urine." Admittedly this would still be a frightening weapon, but you'd never get your gamers to stop laughing about it.
But that is easily fixed.
The less easily fixed thing is Rhoswen herself. As has been mentioned before, she doesn't seem very fey at all. Yes, she's doing the dark wicked demon queen thing to a T, but her motivations are completely well reasoned, explainable and in proportion to the wrong that's been done her. "You've locked me away so now I will destroy you all!" is a perfectly fine villain motivation for everyone but the fey. Dark fey need something like "You snubbed me by not inviting me to the wedding so now I will destroy you all!" at the very least. And even then it would be more in character to do something like "You didn't invite me to the wedding, so I'll curse your bride to have the head of a bee! And the body of a troll! Enjoy the honeymoon!" And then the PCs go off to best the fey queen since that's the only way to end the curse.
As it stands, the vengeful gnome who lost the honey contest is acting more fey than the queen.
Congratulations, Neil!
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Preordered Products
Pathfinder Module: Realm of the Fellnight Queen (PFRPG) , expected January 2010Thank you for your order!
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Good job Neil!
CONGRATULATIONS NEIL!
Well done, (now go rest :)
Congrats Neil. You blew the roof off the joint.
I got home about an hour ago and spent some time with my kids outside in the nice spring weather...unsure if I really dared check the official results of the contest yet.
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But I'm glad I finally did. :-D
A big thank you to everyone. Really. I mean everyone.
-- To Paizo for hosting such an innovative contest. I really do think this is one of the best things for the gaming industry. Throughout this entire contest, I wanted to keep doing my part to make it successful...while hopefully also being successful in my own bid to win votes and catch the eye of a publisher I've always wanted to write for...
-- To the judges for...well, the spot-on analysis, the encouragement and support, the honest feedback and critiques that made me want to work harder and go further. I observed you guys in action last year (except for Sean and the guest judges, of course), but never really understood how awesome it is to get direct feedback on so many elements of game design until it's actually my stuff under the microscope. It's just been really educational, fun, nerve-wracking, stressful, and wonderful...all at the same time.
-- To the voters...both those who supported and panned my stuff...all of you added value to this experience for me. When I doubted my work, you guys often lifted my hopes. And when I felt comfortable in my work, you guys often gave me a healthy dose of reality where it was weak. All that is super valuable to me. And I sincerely thank you for your comments, feedback, critiques, and suggestions.
-- To all my gaming friends...for their support and encouragement...and votes. ;-D
-- To my co-workers...for taking such an active interest in the contest and cheering me on.
-- To my wife and my family...for putting up with the amount of time I invested in each submission. They probably think I'm crazy for pursuing this...but they love me anyway. :-D
-- And to my girls...for inspiration, really. Much of their fascination with fairy tales fed into my decision to do this type of adventure proposal. They're certainly not old enough to understand gaming just yet. But maybe one day they will and maybe I'll get to run this adventure for them. That would be truly awesome!
Sincerely,
--Neil
P.S. When I come back down to earth and have some time to really put together some coherent thoughts, I'll provide some commentary about the specific adventure proposal and the questions some of you asked.
Neil, be sure to find the congratulations thread.
Neil, be sure to find the congratulations thread.
I'm slowly working my around to it, Mairkurion. ;-D
--Neil
