Clark, Please Give Me Feedback On My Item!


RPG Superstar™ 2009 General Discussion

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RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32 , Star Voter Season 7

Randa wrote:

Well, this submission is by she who has never played DnD in her entire life. So I never expected to get anywhere, and was kind of relived not to. My parents are the DnD addicts, and wanted me to enter. Cause the person in the family who knows nothing about this stuff entering makes sense. lol

Cloak of Deception
Aura moderate illusion; CL 11th
Slot Shoulders; Price 118,800; Weight 1 lb.
DESCRIPTION
This item appears to be a normal cloak, but on command it allows you to become invisible and at the same time an illusionary double of you appears, as per the spell Mislead. The cloak works twice per day.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Mislead, Spellcraft; Cost 59,400

This is a Spell-in-a-can. All it does is cast mislead by command word. Like the cape of the montebank, it's a fine item for a book of items, but not for RPG Superstar.

Also, it suffers from a common source of abusability for slotted use-per-day items: You can use up the two uses, then take off the cloak, replacing it with a fully charged one or a different cloak like a cloak of resistance. The usual mechanic used to address this problem is requiring a 24-hour 'attunement' period where the cloak doesn't work.

As for the cost, it has two uses per day, so it should cost 47,520 by the formulas. The price you're using would be unlimited uses.


Mantle of Subterfuge
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 7
Slot shoulders; Price 30,240gp; Weight 1lb.
The outer shell of this cloak may consist of any suitable material although most often it is found to be a subtle dark cloth. The interior of the mantle is always lined with black silk with no inside pockets. Once the properties of the cloak are known it offers upon command a special magical endowment. As a free action the cloak grants the wearer the ability to open a one foot diameter dimension door on the cloaks interior portion. The destination dimension door opens wherever the character desires within a 100 foot range of the wearer. The doorway remains open for one minute or until it is utilized. It takes one move action to manipulate an appendage through the door. Once through a character can complete one standard action before the door winks out withdrawing the characters appendage back through the door. In order to bring back an object the character must be able to lift it and it must fit through the opening. This power can be utilized twice per day.
Construction requirements; Craft wondrous item, dimension door; Cost 15,120gp

Lay it on me. Thanks for all the effort to us in advance Clark.

Star Voter Season 6

Devotion of Fire and Ice

Aura moderate abjuration, conjuration and transmutation; CL 11th

Slot headband (ears) Price 68,200 gp; Weight; -

Description

This pair of mismatched earrings (one diamond and one ruby) holds two small elementals within each (water and fire). When donned, the wearer is under a continual endure elements spell. Once per day, the wearer may transmute into either a small fire or water elemental for 11 minutes. Twice per day, the wearer may benefit from a resist energy (cold or fire) cast at 11th level. And once per week, wearer can activate the earrings to Plane Shift to either the Elemental Plane of Fire or Water.

These earrings were the work of an old elementalist as a last gift to the small fire elemental that had served him in creating many numerous items over the years. The elemental and a water elemental that had been creating frost pictures on the window directly across from it for decades had fallen in love. They dance their game of love within the crystalline structures of the earrings.

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, endure elements, resist elements, plane shift; Cost 34,100 gp

Hello, Clark. With your previous lists of things you were seeing, I saw some issues right away. However, that said, I don't want to leave it to chance or my assumptions for next year so your constructive criticism will help me on my way to victory next year.

Thank you for the time and effort.

Liberty's Edge

Pathfinder Rulebook Subscriber

Clark, please give me feedback on my item:

PHARASMA’S REPRIEVE
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 13th
Slot neck; Price 182,000 gp; Weight
DESCRIPTION
This amulet is a 1” diameter semi-translucent black sphere with a white spark dancing around inside it. Any time you are reduced to negative hit points, but not dead, if you are wearing Pharasma’s Reprieve you are automatically stable. In addition, if you are killed while wearing it, you are automatically in a state of gentle repose. These effects last as long as the amulet is worn; if it is removed you immediately begin to die or decompose as normal.
If Pharasma is your patron, if you are reduced to negative hit points you are automatically stable no matter what your negative hit point total is. If the amulet is removed while your negative hit point total exceeds what would kill you, you die immediately. This effect only applies to hit point damage; you die normally if killed any other way, including massive damage. This effect only activates once per month - it recharges at the next full moon.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, gentle repose, resurrection, stabilize; Cost 91, 000 gp

Legendary Games, Necromancer Games

Andrew C Gale wrote:
Clark Peterson wrote:

OK, bookmarking here. I think I got all the ones before this post.

Time for (early) bed. Its 12:12. :) That is early for me.

Here's a headache for you when you wake up!

CHALK OF THE TRAILBLAZER
Aura moderate divination and transmutation; CL 12th
Slot –; Price 23,760 gp; Weight

DESCRIPTION
This stick of rune-inscribed chalk is an item prized by many explorers and adventuring groups, assisting them greatly whilst exploring the unknown and forgotten. Chalk of the Trailblazer has two functions:

Portal: When the user sketches a rough, door-shaped rectangle on any wooden, plaster or stone wall and speaks the command word, the sketch lines turns black and the area within the lines becomes a passage up to 15 feet deep; identical to a Passwall spell.

Pathfinder: By concentrating on a particular location and speaking another command word, the chalk animates, acting as a Find the Path spell: The chalk moves with the user, scribbling notes, markers and directions in Common on any surface, indicating the most direct physical route to that specified location. The chalk is attuned to the person who activated it, only moving when she moves until the spell expires or the user reaches her destination.

The chalk allows the use of either function (but not both) once per day.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Animate Object, Find the Path, Passwall; Cost 11,880 gp

If I may start the ball rolling (I want to see if I am right in my self-criticism):
1. one-part Pan's Labyrinth Chalk Item.
2. one part spell-in-a-can.

Lay it on me please, Clark: Any criticism is helpful. I already have an idea for 2010, but I want to see if I am consistently making a number of obvious errors and need to change my train of thought.

Yeah, you got it right. It was one of many "Pan's Labyrinith chalk items" we got. Rejected without much comment. But someone did comment that it was well-written.


Thanks Clark!

Berserker’s Battle Trophy
Aura: moderate conjuration; CL 8th
Slot: throat; Price 4,000 gp; Weight 1 lb

Description

This small war totem (such as a dragon’s fang or beholder’s desiccated eye) is threaded by a thick leather cord and decorated by pictographs painted in dried blood. It is keyed to a particular type (or subtype) of creature, just as with the bane magic weapon ability (see table on p. 346 of the PFRG).

Once per round when worn by a raging barbarian, the totem adds 2d6 damage to a successful strike against any opponent of the appropriate type or subtype. The totem then cackles viciously, providing the wielder with four temporary rage points. These points must be used before the wielder exits their current rage, even if only to extend it, but otherwise act as normal.

Multiple totems may be worn on the same cord, though only one may provide a bonus during any single round. Opponents affected by the bonus damage are instantly aware of the totem’s power and may disarm the trophy (treat it as a well-secured worn item) or sunder it (hardness 1, 2 hp).

Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, summon monster I; Cost: 2,000 gp

****
I think the problems included: (1) should have had rage in the requirements; (2) probably undercosted, and (3) just didn't do enough unique...probably became a "meh" item.

Legendary Games, Necromancer Games

magdalena thiriet wrote:

Oh, we are doing this already (and it's 21st here, at least, so...)

Torment of Wisdom

Aura Strong necromancy; CL 17
Slot - Price 90,000 gp Weight -

Description:
This thin obsidian needle, three to five inches long, is used to store souls of the dead. One needle can hold one soul, and to capture the soul it must be inserted to a corpse less than one day dead; the soul so captured is released only if the needle is destroyed or dispelled, or if the item is not used for ten years.
Thrusting the needle to a living body deals one point of piercing damage initially, and after this it deals one point of negative energy damage every round until removed. The person who has inserted the needle into his body can communicate with the captured soul, who retains all the knowledge, memories and personality it had while living and can learn new things through these communications. More than one needle can be inserted at the same time, and this allows the souls to communicate also with each other.
Some treat these items as sacred relics containing souls of revered ancestors, while others see them as sacrilegious abominations.

Construction:
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, Soul Bind, Speak With Dead; Cost 45,000 gp

Spell names capitalized, and it's more an adventure item than basic set item, what are the other problems?

Sorry to miss yours.

I have to say, I think collectively we didnt get your item. It was one of several "soul capture" items. It was probably one of the creepiest, which is good :) The mechanics were a bit wonky, particulary the "two souls can speak to each other if multiple needles are inserted" part. Also, what happens to the user if he or she is slain by the damage taken from inserting the needle (or the damage thereafter)?

I guess in the end we saw this more as a plot device than a wondrous item. Plus, while it was cool, its use was a bit unclear.


Here's my item. Please don't feel like you have to hold anything back. I want your true thoughts -- nothing candy-coated. I'm a big boy -- I won't cry.

BEDROLL OF RESTFUL SLEEP

Aura moderate conjuration and faint abjuration; CL 9th
Slot ––; Price 7,000 gp; Weight 5 lb.

DESCRIPTION
This finely crafted, woolen bedroll appears quite ordinary. The bedroll only accepts one occupant, their armor and up to 50 pounds of worn gear. It takes a full-round action to enter the sleeping bag which entombs the occupant, leaving only their face exposed. Within the interior of the bedroll is a nondimensional space with twice as much volume as the occupant. Upon entering, the wearer experiences a floating feeling as they are levitated to the center of the area within, making any movement impossible. Regardless of the terrain or objects the sleeping bag is laid upon, or armor worn, the occupant experiences a restful sleep. There is a constant endure elements effect within the bag, and a mental alarm spell in effect in a 10 foot radius around the bedroll.
Unworn objects in the bag instantly fall out of it. To exit the bag the occupant speaks a command word as a swift action, which triggers the bag to immediately retract and roll up at their feet.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, alarm, endure elements, levitate, secret chest; Cost 3,500 gp

Having read the successful entries, I know that my item perhaps was not unique enough, and doesn't have as much flare and interest as the others.

Upon read other threads I'm pretty sure the reasons for rejection went along the lines of, "This is a camping item, and camping items are not interesting, mundane, boring and of limited use." One of the pifalls you noted about camping items is that they "take away the hazard of wildernes travel". My item sort of encroaches on that, but not greatly -- leaving the user lying prone on the ground, but alerted.

I was not aware of the judges distaste for camping items, so I will avoid submitting same in future competitions :)

Legendary Games, Necromancer Games

NJKrosse wrote:

Tattoo Needles of the Vanja Brujak

Aura moderate evocation; CL 7th
Slot —; Price 140,000 gp; Weight

These rune etched tattoo needles are crafted of unknown materials. A closely guarded secret of the nomadic Vanja Brujak, these needles are passed down from master to apprentice. The ‘Art of the Mark’ as the tattoos are called by them is seen as a gift to be used only in times of great peace or great strife.

Creating a tattoo costs the same as creating a scroll of the same spell. The spell tattooed is of the caster’s level and takes 1 hour/level of the spell to create. This results in one point of temporary constitution damage/spell level—the effects of mystical energy infusion into the character’s body.

A tattoo can be used a number of times equal to the character’s undamaged constitution modifier. Activating a tattoo is a Swift Action and is treated as a spell-like ability. A tattoo gives a permanent +2 to the character’s Charisma score. Once the tattoo is used up, the tattoo remains, but the magic fades.

Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, eagle’s splendor, imbue with spell ability, creator must have ranks in Profession (Tattooist); Cost 70,000 gp

Alright, I can't seem to fall asleep as my mind is swimming through the possibilities of my failed wondrous item. So Sir Peterson, at your leisure, feel free to take the gloves off and give it to me straight. I'm a 1st degree black belt and have taken hefty blows to my ego before, giving me +2 to will saves vs fear and intimidation (not that you are either, I just like thinking this). The same goes for anyone else who feels like criticizing my work of 'art'.

I have some criticisms that I came up with and chewed my lip over since submitting, but I'll wait to hear what you have to say first, as you are much more of an expert that I am.

I think in the end we felt what you were really trying to do was create a new prestige class or a new type of magic, not actually design a wondrous item. We thought this was the wrong design vehicle for your concept.

Liberty's Edge

Crimsen wrote:

Here was mine, I'd like to know what you thought Clark sir. I hope this wasn't one of those coin items that the judges saw so many of.

Thanks!

Celestial Starstone
Aura faint evocation and enchantment; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 16,000 Weight -;

i like this one :)

is a way to enhance your favorite weapon, and if you surrender it you don't lose the blesing

RPG Superstar 2013 Top 16 , Marathon Voter Season 6, Marathon Voter Season 7, Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9 aka Darkjoy

Clark, well here is my official entry. I've got some idea's why it didn't make the cut and look forward to your review to see if I am correct about them.

Eyes of Fear and Fire
Aura faint evocation and necromancy; CL 1st
Slot eyes; Price 2600 gp; Weight
Description
These soot colored, crystal lenses always feel warm to the touch. The lenses fit over the user’s eyes and color them pitch black, the user receives a +2 competence bonus on Intimidate checks due to the otherworldly appearance of his eyes. Three times per day, the user can will the lenses to blaze with hellish fire for 10 rounds as a free action, the user gains a +5 competence bonus on Intimidate checks. Two times per day, the user can launch a ray of fire (treat as a ray of frost) from his eyes at a target as a standard action. Once per day, the user can use cause fear (Will DC 11 partial) as a gaze attack. The gaze attack can only affect one target.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, cause fear, ray of frost; Cost 1300 gp

Sovereign Court RPG Superstar 2010 Top 16, 2011 Top 32 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8

Clark, if you'd be so kind...

FRONDEUR'S FLUTE OF ILL REPUTE
Aura faint enchantment; CL 5th
Slot -; Price 8,100 gp; Weight 1 lb
Description
This bardic instrument is a masterwork flute fashioned from the femur of a succubus and trimmed in silver. It can be played as a normal flute, but its true purpose lies in sowing dissent. Once per day, when the name of a specific individual is spoken into the mouthpiece, it creates a discordant tone that causes listeners to think less of the person whose name is spoken. The reactions of NPCs move two steps toward hostile. Listeners may not go as far as to actually preemptively attack the named individual but they will refuse service to them or be inclined to take actions that cause the individual misfortune, such as cutting saddle straps or selling them defective armor. No reason need be given for the hatred; listeners will supply their own reasons and believe them completely. The effects lasts for 5 hours and affects listeners of 3 Intelligence or higher. This is a mind-affecting effect.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, suggestion; Cost 4,000 gp

Scarab Sages RPG Superstar 2011 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6 aka Eyebite

Gray wrote:
Eyebite wrote:


Bloodletter’s Garnet Leeches
Eyebite - I almost submitted an item that is very similar; Black Gord Leeches. I may be a little biased, but I liked your item.

Awesome!

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8 aka Anry

Monster’s Siren
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 8th
Slot neck; Price 17000 gp; Weight ---
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Description
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally crafted by cultists of Lamashtu (pg 21, Pathfinder Beta), this hexagram constructed of ivory and obsidian hanging from a silver chain has become a boon to conjurers. A spellcaster wearing the pendant is considered to be one level higher when casting a conjuration spell.
Also, spellcasters who create an arcane bond with the pendant can augment three summon monster spells a day to summon one additional creature from a lower level list than level of list selected in addition to the creatures the spell would normally summon. For example, a spellcaster casts summon monster IV to summon 1d3 creatures from the 3rd-level list and may also select to summon a single creature from the 2nd-level list to summon at the same time. This ability has no effect on the summon monster I spell.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Construction
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, Spell Focus (conjuration), summon monster II; Cost 8500 gp

Appreciate feedback most definitely. (Note: I've already of thought of ways to make it better, but I still want feedback)

Scarab Sages Star Voter Season 6

Montalve wrote:
Crimsen wrote:

Here was mine, I'd like to know what you thought Clark sir. I hope this wasn't one of those coin items that the judges saw so many of.

Thanks!

Celestial Starstone
Aura faint evocation and enchantment; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 16,000 Weight -;

i like this one :)

is a way to enhance your favorite weapon, and if you surrender it you don't lose the blesing

Thanks for the nice words, I think I see the flaw in my writing though, as the blessing stays with the stone only. Once removed the weapon loses the bonuses. [It will remain black however]

Hrm. I thought that was clear, but I guess it could be confusing. What I liked about it was that it granted a very small bonus to any weapon you weild, and could keep it around at any level and still be effective, and 'attune' it to new weapons when you got an upgrade or a new favorite.

C.


Here we go,

----------

Torc of the Stygian Imp
Aura faint evocation and transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot neck; Price 3,000 gp; Weight

Description

This crude iron torc features a primitive carving of a sleeping imp at the midpoint. The imp is curled into a ball and its head appears to nuzzle at the throat of the wearer. The torc can be activated once per day, at which point the imp’s head twists around, its jaws gape open, and tendrils of inky black darkness stream out and wrap around any light sources within a 120 foot radius. Mundane light sources and magical light sources created with a third level or lower spell are suppressed and do not provide any illumination for 3 rounds or until removed from the area of effect. Activation of the torc grants the wearer 60-foot darkvision for 3 rounds. If the wearer already has darkvision, the range of their darkvision is doubled for 3 rounds.

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, darkness, darkvision; Cost 1,500 gp

----------

I think I've pinned down several things that would have caused the rejection of this item, but I'd still love to hear Clark's comments.

Although it's been said multiple times already in this thread, it bears repeating -- Thank you, Clark, for taking so much time to provide criticism and encouragement. I know that the entire contest has been far more interesting and entertaining for me as a result of the discussion that has circulated around it.

CR


I think I know a few reasons why this item didn't make it into the next round. However, I'd love to know what the official thoughts were on it. MUCH thanks to Clark for taking the time to give responses!

CROWN OF THE ILLITHID
Aura strong enchantment; CL 10th
Slot Helmet; Price 190,000 gp; Weight 3 lb.

Description
This helm is the hollowed out, carved skull of an illithid. It is sized just large enough to fit a medium sized creature, though it must be fitted in each case. While wearing the skull one is able to use the following psionic powers at will: Charm Monster, Detect Thoughts, Levitate, Plane Shift and Suggestion. The save DCs are based on the character's charisma score. Because these powers come from preserving a portion of the illithid's mind, they come with a price. Any time a power is activated the character must make a DC 15 will save, with the DC increasing by two for every usage of a power. Failure means the helmet sends a passive Suggestion to the character telling them to commit an evil act. The save DCs reset to 15 after no powers have been used for eight hours. Additionally, when one of these powers are used, the character may choose to take 1d3 temporary Intelligence damage to increase his DC on a 1:1 basis.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, CL 13th; Cost 95,000 gp

Liberty's Edge

Crimsen wrote:

Thanks for the nice words, I think I see the flaw in my writing though, as the blessing stays with the stone only. Once removed the weapon loses the bonuses. [It will remain black however]

Hrm. I thought that was clear, but I guess it could be confusing. What I liked about it was that it granted a very small bonus to any weapon you weild, and could keep it around at any level and still be effective, and 'attune' it to new weapons when you got an upgrade or a new favorite.

C.

maybe thatis what wasneeded to specify, the famous 24-attunement time

still personaly I liked it as a gift or a trophy from a Good Priest for services rendered, you don't get a new weapon, but a blessing that could be carried with you any time :)

Scarab Sages Star Voter Season 6

Montalve wrote:
Crimsen wrote:

Thanks for the nice words, I think I see the flaw in my writing though, as the blessing stays with the stone only. Once removed the weapon loses the bonuses. [It will remain black however]

Hrm. I thought that was clear, but I guess it could be confusing. What I liked about it was that it granted a very small bonus to any weapon you weild, and could keep it around at any level and still be effective, and 'attune' it to new weapons when you got an upgrade or a new favorite.

C.

maybe thatis what wasneeded to specify, the famous 24-attunement time

still personaly I liked it as a gift or a trophy from a Good Priest for services rendered, you don't get a new weapon, but a blessing that could be carried with you any time :)

I tried to give it Desna undertones without saying so. I think it kinda worked.

:)

Dark Archive RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka FaxCelestis

Third Eye of the Bard
Aura: moderate transmutation; CL 3rd, 8th, or 13th
Slot: Eyes; Price: 7,020 gp (+1), 19,980 gp (+2), or 40,140 gp (+3); Weight: --

Description
This opalescent orb is shaped like a human eyeball, except that the iris is shaped like an apple with a bite taken out. When placed against the user’s forehead and a command word spoken, the eye fuses with the user and transmutes into a complete, functional eye. Speaking the command word a second time reverts the item to its original form.

The vision of a wearer of a Third Eye of the Bard improves: they gain a +1 competence bonus on ranged attack rolls and a +2 bonus on sight- related Perception checks due to their trinocular vision.

The true function of a Third Eye of the Bard, however, allows the bearer to use a bard’s Inspire Courage ability once per day, providing a +1, +2, or +3 bonus (as appropriate). A bard who uses this item instead adds the bonus to his existing Inspire Courage ability.

Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, creator must have Inspire Courage ability one higher than the eye’s bonus; Cost 3,510 gp (+1), 9,990 gp (+2), 20,070 gp (+3)

Now, guesses as to why this didn't pass:

Spoiler:
1. It's a not so subtle jab at a modern item: Eye of the Bard -> Eye-Bard -> iBard.
2. It steals a class feature. I was hoping that taking a small aspect of a larger class feature--and then allowing the item to work better in the hands of those who actually had the class feature--would be sufficient to avoid that trap.
3. Third Eyes, while psionic, are an existing class of items. Adding to them, even in a nonpsionic fashion, could have fallen into the "More third eyes? Sigh." trap. I was considering making it a choker rather than an eye, but then if I were to make a series of these items (Third Eye of the Druid, for instance), I'd need to make different item slots for each item. Also, I like third eyes.
4. The word "trinocular". I mean, seriously. I used that?
5. Pricing. I used some weird math, basing it off of the highest bard spell available at the crafting level. This did, however, cause the upper versions to be pretty pricey.

What I was hoping would be noticed, as potential behind the item (and may or may not have, but I'm not going to inquire if it was):

Spoiler:
1. The item is, at first glance, a precursor of things to come: there are more classes than bards, and certainly each of them could have their own eyes.
2. A villain who, through use of feat or prestige, has the capability to use multiple eyes strikes me as creepy and memorable. For instance: The Black Widow, an assassin who has eight eyes and is trying to find a way to get herself a more spiderlike form, is killing people around town, and the PCs need to figure out who she is.

Anyway, that's my inexpert analysis. I'd like to hear the real analysis: I like learning from my mistakes. :P

Scarab Sages

Any feedback gratefully received (anticipating RPGS2010).

Parliament of Rooks
Aura: moderate divination and necromancy CL: 9th
Slot: Head Price: 14,300 gp Weight: 1 lb
Description
Rooks are strange birds, friendly and sociable but not quite of this world, they keep a weather-eye on the fates and the paths into death. This wooden crown is carved from old polished ash in the form of six rooks, perched and facing outwards. Whoever wears the crown can speak with animals (birds only) at will. After having been worn for an hour three of the rooks begin to look for the approach of death. The wearer can use status, once per day, on up to three companions simultaneously. One rook watches the weather, granting a +5 competence bonus to Survival checks when predicting the weather or resisting its effects. The final two rooks watch the fates and allow the wearer to cast doom twice per day (DC 16 Will negates)
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Doom, Status, Speak with Animals; creator must have at least 5 ranks in Survival Cost: 7,150 gp

Liberty's Edge

Dave Bradbury wrote:

Any feedback gratefully received (anticipating RPGS2010).

Parliament of Rooks
Aura: moderate divination and necromancy CL: 9th
Slot: Head Price: 14,300 gp Weight: 1 lb
Description
Rooks are strange birds, friendly and sociable but not quite of this world, they keep a weather-eye on the fates and the paths into death. This wooden crown is carved from old polished ash in the form of six rooks, perched and facing outwards. Whoever wears the crown can speak with animals (birds only) at will. After having been worn for an hour three of the rooks begin to look for the approach of death. The wearer can use status, once per day, on up to three companions simultaneously. One rook watches the weather, granting a +5 competence bonus to Survival checks when predicting the weather or resisting its effects. The final two rooks watch the fates and allow the wearer to cast doom twice per day (DC 16 Will negates)
Construction
Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, Doom, Status, Speak with Animals; creator must have at least 5 ranks in Survival Cost: 7,150 gp

I have to say... this is one really seems a cut above. I may be swiping it for use in my game! I wonder if it was passed on because it was seen as a spell in a can. The evocative feel of the item seems more than enough to compensate though. I really like this item!

Dark Archive Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

digression wrote:

I think I know a few reasons why this item didn't make it into the next round.

CROWN OF THE ILLITHID

ILLITHID

WoTC owns this, can't use it
big no-no


chopswil wrote:

ILLITHID

WoTC owns this, can't use it
big no-no

I thought WoTC owned "mindflayer" but not "illithid", as in one is a specific term, and the other is a general one?

I figured I'd be auto-disqualified because I didn't think those two things to be the same.... *defeated*

EDIT: Ok, lets put aside the fact that I'm a fool, overlooking something so basic... Clark, can you still give me some feedback about the general function and style of the item?

Scarab Sages

I wasn't, but, can't help myself. I think I know what's wrong. Would appreciate a "pro's" opinion though.

Thanks, Clark!

Veil of the Dead

This unremarkable veil is constructed of dusty, tattered black lace carelessly stitched to a sweat-soaked leather headband. The unmistakable odor of undead flesh emanates from the veil.

When worn with the veil covering the face, the wearer can detect undead as if he had cast the spell of the same name. Good aligned wearers are susceptible to the same detrimental effects of the spell.

Once per day the wearer may either control undead or speak with dead as if he had cast the spell of the same name.

When worn on the face, the lace causes a -5 to visual-based Perception checks and the faint odor of undead flesh causes a -5 to olfactory-based Perception checks.

Aura: Strong Necromancy; CL: 14th;
Price: 107,000 GP; Requirements: Craft wondrous item, speak with dead, control undead, detect undead, creator must be a multi-classed wizard/cleric.

Paizo Employee Director of Narrative , Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9

Ah, why not:

Brain Plate

Aura Moderate Transmutation; [CL] 11th
Slot — ; Price 3,300 gp; Weight

Description
This thick, yet pliant, fist-sized leather patch contains silver and copper threads stitched into designs resembling the convolutions of a human brain. When applied as a standard action to an inanimate object, the plate grants a semblance of life identical to an animated object (MM p13). This newly created object serves the user’s commands. The size of the object determines the duration of the effect. A Huge object remains animated and in control of the user for 8 rounds, a Large object for 4 minutes, a Medium object for 2 hours and a Small object remains animated and under the user’s control for 1 day.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate object; Skill Craft (leatherworking); Cost 1,650 gp


digression wrote:
chopswil wrote:

ILLITHID

WoTC owns this, can't use it
big no-no

I thought WoTC owned "mindflayer" but not "illithid", as in one is a specific term, and the other is a general one?

I figured I'd be auto-disqualified because I didn't think those two things to be the same.... *defeated*

EDIT: Ok, lets put aside the fact that I'm a fool, overlooking something so basic... Clark, can you still give me some feedback about the general function and style of the item?

For your edification:

From the Hypertext d20 SRD (http://www.d20srd.org):

"The following monsters are considered "Product Identity" by Wizards of the Coast and are therefore not part of the SRD:

* beholder
* gauth
* carrion crawler
* displacer beast
* githyanki
* githzerai
* kuo-toa
* mind flayer
* slaad
* umber hulk
* yuan-ti"

And yes, this holds true for the 4e SRD as well. Which kind of sucks for my own campaign world...if I ever decide to publish it, that is. :P

=)D:


OK. I'm interested to know if my rejection was for any of the reasons I suspect. High on my list of problems:
1) Price(too high): I struggled with it, and the choice I made in the end to copy the weakest item with the same spell requirement was probably unwise.
2) Abuse: I didn't think of it at the time, but I suspect potential abuses might have hurt me.

Then again... why critique myself? I'm here to see what the experts think. Maybe it just isn't that cool. Here we go...

CLINGING CALTROPS
Aura Moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot -; Price 20,000 gp; Weight 2 lb.

DESCRIPTION
When spread in a 5-foot square and activated by command word, these mundane looking caltrops attack the first creature meeting any of the following triggering conditions: walking through the square they occupy; flying over the caltrops up to 10 feet above; disturbing the caltrops in any way. The caltrops spring at their target, focussing on the feet and legs of the victim, who is immediately subjected to 10 attacks (base attack: +6; 1d4+2 damage/each). At the start of each subsequent round, the target is subject to 5 attacks as the spines of the caltrops lance and retract, remaining fixed on the target. A full-round action is required to remove the caltrops. Once removed, the caltrops go dormant until reactivated. The victim can only move at ½ movement rate until he receives a heal check (DC 10 + caltrop damage dealt) or until half the damage dealt by the caltrops is treated with magical healing.
During activation, up to 6 persons can be designated as immune to the powers of the caltrops.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, animate objects; Cost 10,000 gp

RPG Superstar 2010 Top 32 aka Madgael

digression wrote:
chopswil wrote:

ILLITHID

WoTC owns this, can't use it
big no-no

I thought WoTC owned "mindflayer" but not "illithid", as in one is a specific term, and the other is a general one?

I figured I'd be auto-disqualified because I didn't think those two things to be the same.... *defeated*

EDIT: Ok, lets put aside the fact that I'm a fool, overlooking something so basic... Clark, can you still give me some feedback about the general function and style of the item?

Doesn't Reaper just call them Bathalians instead to get around that?

Is the term "illithid" still verboten because it is part of the fluff for the non-OGL "mind flayer"?


Thank you in advance for the advice. It's good to have feedback. It's also good to have people kind enough to give it and willing to help those of us trying to get a foot in the door.

Witching Watcher (Lesser)
Aura faint evocation, enchantment (if charged); CL 5th
Slot none; Price 33,750 gp; Weight –

DESCRIPTION

Designed by priests to protect precious temple reliquaries, the Witching Watcher consists of a glass orb and a glass marble.

This small glass orb hovers in a short patrol, etched with an unblinking stylized eye. Whoever possesses the marble may command the orb to patrol a ten-foot square area; the glass orb will patrol until a new command is given. The marble bearer may also charge the orb with up to three spell levels from the Enchantment school. If a person or monster not in the presence of the controlling marble approaches within thirty feet of the orb, an image of the intruder and the location is sent to the mind of whoever holds the marble. If a person or monster comes within the orb’s ten-foot patrol, the glass orb will discharge the stored enchantment spells against the intruder and send an additional mental image to the marble bearer.

CONSTRUCTION

Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, imbue with spell ability, arcane eye, alarm; Cost 16,875 gp


Theodoric The Red wrote:


From the Hypertext d20 SRD (http://www.d20srd.org):

"The following monsters are considered "Product Identity" by Wizards of the Coast and are therefore not part of the SRD:

* beholder
* gauth
* carrion crawler
* displacer beast
* githyanki
* githzerai
* kuo-toa
* mind flayer
* slaad
* umber hulk
* yuan-ti"

Off-topic, but does anyone else find that list a little strange? Not because of what is on it but because of what is not on it...

Why the Beholder, but not the Destrachan? Why are Yrthaks open content, but not Displacer Beasts? Seems odd to me...

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32 , Star Voter Season 7

Madgael wrote:
Is the term "illithid" still verboten because it is part of the fluff for the non-OGL "mind flayer"?

WotC doesn't just own the name, they own the monster. Using a different name for the same monster is no different than republishing a book with a new title.

Liberty's Edge

Eldrick wrote:
Text CLINGING CALTROPS More Text

Yikes! I had a caltrop item VERY similar to this that I decided not to enter. I guess it does not matter which of my items I went with I was not making the top 32.

Still... it is creepy how similar they are...

RPG Superstar 2008 Top 16 aka Sir_Wulf

The version I had saved wasn't the final version that I sent to the contest: In the final version, I added a line that the footlights' visions were often cryptic and fragmented, requiring a DC 20 Knowledge (history) or Sense Motive check to properly decipher.

FOOTLIGHTS OF THE EIDOLIC ENSEMBLE
Aura moderate divination; CL 10th
Slot not applicable; Price 19,800 gp; Weight 14 lb.

DESCRIPTION
This set of seven hooded lanterns is wrought of age-blackened silver with lenses of clouded glass. Tarnished shutters vaguely focus each lamp’s light into a 90 degree arc.

To draw upon the footlights' power, the set must be placed along one edge of a stage, room, or other location no more than 40 feet across, then lit at midnight. As the lamps’ wan light fills the area, spectral figures coalesce and silently play out moments from its history. The psychic impressions present in the location determine what is displayed, reenacting scenes of tragedy, violence, or powerful emotion. Alternatively, the lanterns may be focused on an inanimate object, revealing aspects of its past. The footlights’ visions can last up to ten minutes, but their enchantment functions only once each night, ending immediately if any lamps are moved or refocused.

Each use of the footlights requires rare oils worth 150 gp, entirely consuming the fuel even if only used briefly.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, legend lore, silent image, creator must be a bard; Cost 12,600 gp

To limit possible abuse of the item, I added the oil material component. Because of that, I "tweaked" the materials cost of the footlights' manufacture to 5,400 gp from 12,500 gp (40% of the norm for a legend lore item, with 400 gp added for the silver lanterns. Without the expensive material components, such an item would normally cost 18,000 gp: I reduced that to 14,000 after comparing it to the value of other items.

Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7

I know there are a lot of problems with this item, but I would greatly appreciate anty input.
I flubbed on the format in several ways, and the pricing was incredibly difficult.
Can anyone help with the pricing here?

Mortal Receiver

This small, clay vessel, sealed with tar and worn around the neck by a leather cord, allows the wearer to cheat death, but at a heavy price. Triggered when the wearer dies, the receiver captures their soul then heals and stabilizes their body at -9 hit points. It will not heal again thereafter. The wearer heals normally but remains unconscious until their soul is released. The receiver crumbles to dust and releases the wearer’s soul when their body is healed to zero or more hit points. The receiver must be activated and worn for these effects to occur.

To activate, the wearer must place a bit of their flesh into the receiver and seal it with tar. This sacrifice permanently lowers their maximum hit points by 1d4+2. One day later the receiver is activated, and the wearer loses 1 point of strength, dexterity and constitution but regains these when the receiver is triggered. If the receiver is ever destroyed before being triggered these points are lost forever. A restoration spell deactivates the receiver.

Strong necromancy; CL 17th; Craft Wondrous Item, soul bind, maximized heal, craft (pottery); Price 239,500 gp; Cost 124,750 gp + 9,180 XP.


Pathfinder Lost Omens, Rulebook Subscriber

Thank you for looking at this.

Bracers of the Hermit
Aura faint transmutation; CL 4+
Slot hands; Price 4,000 gp, Weight 2 lbs.

These mottled brown, orange and white bracers are made from the carapace of a giant hermit crab. These bracers grant the wearer the ability to attack unarmed as if they had the Improved Unarmed Strike feat. It is rumored that there are a cursed variety of this magic item which causes the wearer's most dominant hand to grow to a grotesque size while their off-hand atrophies.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, Improved Unarmed Strike; Cost 2,000 gp.

Legendary Games, Necromancer Games

KEEP POSTING EVERYONE! I WILL GET TO ALL OF THEM!

I just want you to know that I wont be getting to them today unless I take a break from the several emergency projects I am working on. So if you say "hey, where did Clark go, why is he not posting his comments" please understand I am buried in real life writing two massive motions that will take me until the wee hours of the morning tonite and likely most of tomorrow.

Dark Archive RPG Superstar 2012 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8 aka FaxCelestis

Clark Peterson wrote:

KEEP POSTING EVERYONE! I WILL GET TO ALL OF THEM!

I just want you to know that I wont be getting to them today unless I take a break from the several emergency projects I am working on. So if you say "hey, where did Clark go, why is he not posting his comments" please understand I am buried in real life writing two massive motions that will take me until the wee hours of the morning tonite and likely most of tomorrow.

Fight the good fight, good sir. We will have patience.


Clark Peterson wrote:
KEEP POSTING EVERYONE! I WILL GET TO ALL OF THEM!

Hurray!

Here we go...

ENCHANTER'S VEIL

Aura faint illusion CL 3rd
Slot eyes; Price 5800 gp; Weight --

This simple-looking mask is a favorite tool of enchanters, bards, and other spellcasters who desire to use their powers unnoticed. While worn, the Veil melds into the wearer's face and provides a continuous magic aura effect, rendering it visible only by true seeing. Once per day, the wearer can cast a spell or use a spell-like ability imperceptibly, by disguising its components with mundane actions. As required by the spell or ability itself, any arcane spell failure chance still applies, the caster must still be able to speak, and the caster must still possess any material or focus components. However, unless the spell or ability has some other noticeable effect, all observers, including the spell or ability's target, have no knowledge that a spell was cast or a spell-like ability was used. If the wearer possesses the bardic performance ability, he may use this item additional times per day by expending a usage of bardic performance each time.

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, invisibility, magic aura, silence; Cost 2900 gp

-Matt

Dark Archive

If you would be so kind to also give me feedback on this item...:

Mohrg Tongue Cocktail
Aura faint necromancy; CL 5th
Slot —; Price 750 gp; Weight -
Description

This bottle holds a thick, dark-purple liquid and is supposedly distilled from a ground Mohrg's tongue. The taste is utterly revolting and most will be inclined to immediately expel the liquid. Anybody attempting to swallow the vile cocktail, needs to make a DC 12 will save to succeed. When consumed, the drinker is required to make a DC 17 fortitude save or become sickened and take 1d2 points of temporary Dexterity damage.

Once the creature's stomach acid chemically reacts with the fluid, it's special properties soon surface. As a move action in the next round, the character may regurgitate up to five feet away. Those hit by the vomit, have to make a DC 17 fortitude save or become paralysed for 1d3+1 rounds and sickened for 1 minute. This also applies for the consumer each round (non-cumulative), if he does not eject the liquid after the initial round. If it isn't thrown up after three rounds, the elixir's power is expended.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Gentle Repose, Ghoul Touch, creator must have 5 ranks in the Craft (alchemy) skill; Cost 375 gp

My personal notes:
1: First thing I noticed after looking it over myself after the winners were announced, is that's it's just a glorified spell in a can. I can't believe I missed something that obvious; especially considering that I listed the spell myself. Ah well. Guess that's what happens if you start only two days before the deadline.
2: It just might not be special enough.
3: Saves require capitalisation.


OLD PROVIDENCE
Aura mild divination; CL 3rd; Slot –; Price 1,000 gp/pouch; Weight 1 lb
DESCRIPTION
Smokers of this magically prepared pipe-weed claim that it bestows glimpses of the future. Many wizards and druids swear by the stuff; others scorn it, calling it “blind man’s baccy”.
Once a day, a character can use Old Providence while preparing spells, making a DC 20 Spellcraft check. If successful, the character may reserve one of his spell slots. The character may then use this reserved spell slot to cast any spell he knows of that slot’s level (or lower) within the next 24 hours. If the Spellcraft check is unsuccessful, the character simply prepares spells as usual.
However, Old Providence can be harsh. Characters rolling a natural 1 on the Spellcraft check witness their own demise. Consequently, the DM may declare that the character is dazed for 1 round during an encounter that day, as the foreseen demise approaches.
A pouch of Old Providence contains enough pipe-weed for 50 uses.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, augury, creator must have 5 ranks in the Knowledge (nature) skill; Cost 500 gp/pouch

Dark Archive RPG Superstar 2013 Top 32 aka Fatespinner

Um... so... crap. I don't know if the judges' boards save the items that were submitted or not but, as I have lost the file I'd saved my item into, I will simply ask Clark if he can "look up" my item in the judge's board.

Effigy of Lost Souls

That's what it was called. It was an item that could be burned to keep undead at bay.

If you can't look it up or don't have the time/inclination/etc. to find it, that's cool. I was just really hoping for some feedback on it and I can't seem to actually find the file anywhere...

EDIT: Gary found it! He c/p'd the contents a few posts down. You rule, Gary!

Star Voter Season 6

Adventure Path Charter Subscriber
Ross Byers wrote:
Madgael wrote:
Is the term "illithid" still verboten because it is part of the fluff for the non-OGL "mind flayer"?
WotC doesn't just own the name, they own the monster. Using a different name for the same monster is no different than republishing a book with a new title.

Two of the protected content monsters seem to be heavily influenced by earlier sci-fi/horror creations

Displacer beasts from A.E. Van Vogt's Couerl, a creature in the Voyage of the Space Beagle.

And mind flayer's inspired by a Brian Lumley cover illustration.

Links for those interested:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coeurl

Gygax on enworld re: Illithid

Also, folks have noted the mind flayer similiarity to Larry Niven's Thrint, but Gygax specifically countered this in the link above.
For the link happy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thrint

RPG Superstar 2012 Top 32 , Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9 aka SmiloDan

Clark Peterson wrote:
Starglim wrote:

Here's an item with spark! Though not, perhaps, the sort that was wanted:

FIREFLINT OF DAZZLE AND SMOKE
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot —; Price 16,800 gp*; Weight

Description

Once per day, as a standard action, the user can strike a spark with this hard, angular, dark gray stone, setting himself alight. A brilliant white flame entirely consumes the user and all items that he carries within seconds, producing a coil of smoke that flows away with magical swiftness.
Anyone within 60 feet, except the user, must make a Fortitude save (DC 14) or be blinded for 1d4+1 rounds. Creatures who succeed in a save, protect their vision before the item activates or are more than 60 feet away are not blinded but cannot see the smoke's movement due to the dazzling light.
The user may fly up to 90 feet in smoke form as a free action (+4 to Fly checks) and can pass through small openings as a vapor. At the end of this action he returns to normal form.

Construction

Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, pyrotechnics, gaseous form; Skill Craft (alchemy); Cost 8,400 gp*

* Double cost since the item's combined effect exceeds either prerequisite spell.

Well, I dont know that I want to post everything I wrote. I was kinda cranky on this one. It was late...

But I think it was collectively felt that this was a bit munchkin. Some liked the fire form. One judge noted it was undercosted "to the point of munchkinism and abuse of the spells he claims for its construction" and that it "should include blindness in its construction line, at a minimum."

I was less reserved. We had just had a string of real sucky items and yours came on the tail end. Did that influence me? Maybe. I dont think so. But I'm only human. Here is the nice stuff:

"Are you kidding me? Blinding, Hiding, Flying, Gaseous form. Hey, maybe it can heal you too and buff your sword to a flaming sword! This is a little too much."...

This actually reminded me of my DQed 2008 Kraken Crown--but with less power and fewer abilities. Both blinded opponents and provided a quick getaway.

And it doesn't require blindness as a pre-requisite since pyrotechnics can blind.


Clark Peterson wrote:
Yeah, you got it right. It was one of many "Pan's Labyrinith chalk items" we got....

You know, Beetlejuice did the whole chalk-door thing waaaaaay before Pan's Labyrinth ever did... :)

RPG Superstar 2011 Top 16 , Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8 aka Anry

lol Part of me feels sympathy for Clark once he gets back from his emergency projects. ^^;


I will also ask for feedback for my item:

Marble of Seeing (Around Corners):
Aura faint divination; CL 5th;
Slot -; Price 375 gp; Weight -

Description
This tiny crystal sphere, after being pressed to one's forehead for a round, allows the user to see through it for ten rounds. This item does not allow magically or supernaturally enhanced senses to work through it, but allows for a 360o range of vision from the perspective of the marble. The marble can be rolled, hurled or dropped, but the connection is broken if the marble is farther then 90' from the user. As a tiny object, it takes a spot check DC18 to be noticed by others. At the end of the duration, or if the connection is broken due to distance, the marble immediately dissolves.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Clairvoyance; Cost 187.5gp;

Paizo Employee Senior Software Developer

Fatespinner wrote:
Effigy of Lost Souls

Effigy of Lost Souls

Aura moderate necromancy; CL 9th
Slot none; Weight 1 lb.

DESCRIPTION
Made from the braided hair of corpses who never received proper burial rites, these effigies serve several purposes when burned. A burning effigy sheds baleful blue light that illuminates the area as a torch, fueled by the essence of the lost soul within who also serves as a silent emissary to the undying. All undead within the illumination are revealed by wisps of harmless bluish-white fire and are rendered completely immobile and helpless (intelligent undead may resist this immobilization with a DC 14 Will save). Attacks made against undead immobilized by this effect anger the spirit within, dealing 2d6 fire damage to creatures within 5 feet as the effigy destroys itself in a violent burst of ghostly flame. An effigy of lost souls burns for 1 minute unless destroyed or extinguished. Once extinguished, an effigy is useless and cannot be reignited as the soul trapped within has gone to its final reward.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, halt undead, detect undead; Skill Craft (doll making); Cost 8,100 gp


Gary Teter wrote:
Some stuff helping Fatespinner

So uh... I just wanted to know if my item actually got submitted. I think I had a stroke of blithering idiocy at the worst moment, and flaked on the submission deadline, but I'm not sure. Any chance you could work that magic and see if there's anything called Abacus of Uncanny Calculations in the archives? Basically I wan't to know if I was not selected because I didn't have what it took, or if I'm just a moronic yahoo who can't tell the difference between GMT and EST.

Thanks.

Liberty's Edge

Clark Peterson wrote:

KEEP POSTING EVERYONE! I WILL GET TO ALL OF THEM!

I just want you to know that I wont be getting to them today unless I take a break from the several emergency projects I am working on. So if you say "hey, where did Clark go, why is he not posting his comments" please understand I am buried in real life writing two massive motions that will take me until the wee hours of the morning tonite and likely most of tomorrow.

thanks Clark :)

we will wait, while we areon that i think we aremaking a party out here :P

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