Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 6
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Dedicated Voter Season 6
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A Prayer for the Fallen (EL 10)
An encounter for four 7th level characters.
Encounter Context
Upon their return to Orunash, the PCs learn of the death of the sage Lewenar at the hands of assassins. Investigation reveals the likely involvement of worshippers of Ereshkigal. The PCs head to the temple of Nanna-Suen to pay their respects to Lewenar and speak with high priestess Enatuma. The cult of Ereshkigal has other plans, however. They have infiltrated the temple and plan to draw it into the underworld, eliminating their rivals. Their agent awaits the PCs arrival before springing the trap, hoping to dispose of them as well.
The Temple of Nanna-Suen
The temple is built on a two-tiered ziggurat near the center of the town of Orunash. Twin pillars in the shape of stylized palms flank the entrance of the temple, symbolizing the entrance to heaven. Within, the austere entranceway of the temple gives way to an ornate interior, lit by charcoal braziers and numerous lamps. Both inner and outer doors stand open during daylight hours.
The central room of the temple is decorated with mosaics, the right side depicting Nanna-Suen's role as bringer of dreams and wisdom, the left his aspect of darkness and nightmares. Towards the end of the room stand a pair of angelic statues, arms outstretched above basins of holy water. Between them, stairs lead up to the altar room.
The altar room contains a golden statue of Nanna-Suen and three low stone altars. The statue depicts a bearded man in a sheepskin robe, seated upon a marble thrown and wearing a crown of bull horns. In his right hand is a bronze rod of office. The altars hold myriad objects of faith.
The main rites of the temple take place in the central chamber, while offerings of food, incense and scented oil are presented in the altar room beyond. Living quarters for the priests and acolytes are in the town below.
The high-priestess of the temple is Enatuma (CG female human cleric 4), a gray-haired woman of advancing years. Her strong right arm is Akurida (CG male human fighter 1/cleric 1). Clean-shaven and bald-headed, he has the look of rough-hewn stone. The priests are served by a trio of acolytes, a man and two women. All three have shaved heads and wear simple robes. A relative newcomer is Hadina (CE female human cleric 4), a traveling priestess who arrived in Orunash three months ago. Like Akurida, she favors wearing plate and shield during her temple duties. Unbeknownst to the others, Hadina is in fact a priestess of Ereshkigal, goddess of the underworld.
Treachery Within
As the PCs enter, Hadina sets her plan in motion. She has already bound temple and priests with a ritual that will shunt the building into the underworld, transforming the priests into monstrosities.
The warmth provided by bronze braziers is a welcome change from the chill autumn air. Ahead is the casket that must hold Lewenar's remains, heaped with offerings to ease his passage into the afterlife. A small group of townspeople are gathered around the casket, paying last respects. Seeing you enter, high priestess Enatuma motions at you from the back of the temple. With her are her fellow priests Akurida and Hadina.
As you approach, Hadina turns towards you, casting a pinch of gray ash into the air with a strange smile on her face. As the ash scatters in the air, the ground lurches and shakes, and as one the braziers and lamps wink out. A pale red glow infuses the air, illuminating the forms of the priests writhing on the floor, all save Hadina, their forms shifting and changing. Enatuma collapses into ooze, a monstrosity with countless eyes and a score of mouths arising from her remains. The flesh melts away from Akurida, leaving a gaunt form dripping with ichor. In place of Enatuma's acolytes stand a misshapen trio of hunchbacked wretches. Beyond the temple doors, where once was bustling town and light of day, is now only silence and darkness.[i]
Divine Aid
Nanna-Suen, while not willing to intervene directly, has delayed the effects of Hadina's ritual, leaving the temple temporarily stranded on a demiplane between worlds. He has also placed his blessing upon his statue. If any PC approaches to within 15 feet of the seated statue of Nanna-Suen, the rod in its right hand begins to emanate a faint blue glow. If a PC stands adjacent to the statue, it animates briefly, presenting the rod with outstretched hands. The rod acts as a [i]+1 holy heavy mace, its powers lasting 5 minutes.
The holy water fonts in the main temple can be used against the demonic assault. Each font holds the equivalent of 6 vials of holy water. A PC standing adjacent to a font can splash the water as an improvised weapon (10 foot range increment), using one vial per attack. An available container can be filled with holy water as a full-round action that provokes an attack of opportunity. In addition, a foe can be bull-rushed into a font and a grappled foe dunked (if adjacent) with a successful grapple check. Either maneuver causes 1d6 damage per vial of holy water remaining in the font (Reflex DC 14 half), emptying it in the process. Note that holy water causes no damage to the gibbering mouther.
Sliding into Perdition
When first brought into the demiplane, the temple is filled with a dim red radiance, providing shadowy illumination. The air grows chill, and outside the gates of the temple is only impenetrable blackness. The demiplane the temple now occupies ends mere inches beyond the walls, blocking any exit. The demiplane is connected to the Astral plane, but not the Ethereal or Shadow planes. Spells that require a connection to the Ethereal or Shadow planes no longer function. A PC who succeeds at a DC 25 Knowledge (the planes) check recognizes that the temple is in a demiplane and that it is being pulled towards the underworld. They learn of the magical limitations as well.
With each death, Ereshkigal's grasp on the temple grows stronger, bringing it closer to the underworld. Even the deaths of Hadina or the transformed priests serve this end.
After three deaths, corrosive vapors fill the air, acting as an inhaled poison (DC 13, initial damage 1 Con, secondary damage 1d4 Con, check once per hour). The demons and gibbering mouther are immune to this vapor, but Hadina is not. The area becomes mildly evil- and chaos-aligned (DMG p. 149).
After six deaths, the energy of the underworld infuses the temple, impeding conjuration (healing) spells and spell-like abilities. To cast an impeded spell (DMG p. 150), the caster must make a Spellcraft check (DC 20 + the level of the spell).
After nine deaths, the temple is brought fully into the underworld. The area becomes strongly evil- and chaos-aligned. Beyond the temple entrance can be seen a bleak and desolate waste, lit by a dim red light with no apparent source.
If the demons and gibbering mouther are dispatched before nine deaths have occurred, the ground shakes anew as the temple of Nanna-Suen snaps back into the realm of the living. The pillars in front of the temple crack, the angelic statues topple, and all within the temple must succeed at a DC 15 balance check to remain standing. Any surviving townspeople spill out into the light, grateful to be alive.
Designer Notes - Spreading Terror
PCs may be used to battling creatures of the underworld, but the average commoner is not. Play up the reactions of the terror-stricken townspeople as the battle develops. Have them beg for mercy from the demons, or cower behind a PC, pleading for protection. Don't be afraid to ham it up a little.
Creatures
The clergy of Nanna-Suen have been transformed into monstrosities, their possessions melding into their new forms. High priestess Enatuma becomes a gibbering mouther, while the others are transformed into demons. Akurida becomes a babau, the three acolytes transform into dretches. The only unaffected priest is Hadina, actually an agent of Ereshkigal. Eight townspeople remain in the temple, terrified but otherwise unaffected.
The dretches are in the main temple chamber with five of the townspeople. The other three townspeople are in the entry chamber. Hadina, the gibbering mouther and the babau are in the altar room.
When slain or knocked unconscious, the monsters decay rapidly, leaving the crumpled form of their host behind. If the monster was dying or dead, the host is in same state, otherwise the host is unconscious with 1 hp remaining. Even with magical healing, the hosts require many days to recover from their ordeal, and are treated as helpless for the remainder of the encounter.
Certain magical effects can restore the host. A successful banishment or dismissal tears the transformed husk away, as does a successful dispel magic or break enchantment against caster level 15. Sending a creature away leaves the host alive with 1 hp and unconscious, as described above. Once the temple has been brought fully into the underworld, banishment and dismissal no longer have any effect.
Gibbering mouther CR 5
hp 42 (MM 126)
AL CE
Unlike a normal gibbering mouther, this creature has the extraplanar subtype.
TACTICS
During Combat The gibbering mouther only begins babbling if both Hadina and the babau are incapacitated. It moves towards the nearest edible foe (including the townspeople), seeking to swallow its target. The mouther aims its spittle at PCs harassing it with spells or ranged attacks.
Morale The gibbering mouther fights to the death.
Babau CR 6
hp 66 (MM 40)
TACTICS
During Combat The babau is unable to use its summon demon ability. It engages the toughest-looking opponent in melee, directing any nearby dretches to provide flanking. It uses dispel magic against any opponent with a large number of active spells. He dispatches any helpless foe within reach with a sneak attack.
Morale The babau fights to the death.
Dretch (3) CR 2
hp 13 (MM 42)
TACTICS
During Combat The dretches are unable to use their summon demon ability. The first dretch to act unleashes a stinking cloud on the PCs, the next two follow up with scare on the nearest visible PC. The dretch nearest the babau grudgingly helps him in battle, the other two seek townspeople to rend limb from limb. They take particular pleasure in slaying helpless or dying adversaries.
MoraleThe dretches fight to the death.
Hadina CR 6
Female human cleric of Ereshkigal 6
CE Medium humanoid
Init -1; Senses Listen +3, Spot +3
DEFENSE
AC 23, touch 9, flat-footed 23
(+10 armor, -1 Dex, +2 natural, +2 shield)
hp 41 (6d8+11)
Fort +7, Ref +2, Will +9
Defensive abilities undetectable alignment; Immune fire (72 points only); Resist electricity 10
OFFENSE
Spd 20 ft.
Melee masterwork heavy mace +6 (1d8+1)
Special Attacks rebuke undead 5/day (+2, 2d6+8), smite 1/day (+4 to hit, +6 damage)
Spells Prepared (CL 6th, +5 melee touch):
3rd--contagion (DC 16)*, dispel magic, prayer, protection from energy
2nd--cure moderate wounds (DC 15), resist energy, shatter (DC 15)*, sound burst (DC 15), undetectable alignment
1st--command (DC 14), cure light wounds (DC 14), disguise self (DC 14)*, divine favor, shield of faith
0--cure minor wounds (DC 13, x2), detect magic, detect poison,mending
* Domain spell. Domains: Destruction, Trickery
TACTICS
Before Combat Every morning, Hadina casts undetectable alignment. Before the PCs arrive, she casts resist energy (electricity) and protection from energy (fire) and drinks her potion of barkskin.
During Combat During the first round of combat, Hadina utters a prayer. She follows up with a sound burst, hoping to stun a foe near the babau. If forced into a melee, she uses divine favor before fighting back.
Morale Hadina surrenders when reduced below 6 hp.
Base Statistics AC 21, touch 9, flat-footed 21; no fire immunity or electrical resistance
STATISTICS
Str 13, Dex 8, Con 12, Int 10, Wis 16, Cha 14
Base Atk +4; Grp +5
Feats Combat Casting, Skill Focus (bluff), Toughness
Skills Bluff +14, Concentration +10 (+14 casting defensively), Disguise +9 (+11 acting in character) , Knowledge (religion) +4
Languages Common
SQ spontaneous casting (inflict spells)
Combat Gear potion of barkskin, scroll of cure moderate wounds, feather token - whip; Other Gear +1 full plate, masterwork heavy steel shield, masterwork heavy mace, cloak of resistance +1, disguise kit, spell component pouch, wooden holy symbol of Nanna-Suen (crescent moon), silver holy symbol of Ereshkigal (half-open gate)
Enatuma, high priestess of Nanna-Suen
Female human cleric of Nanna-Suen 4
CG Medium humanoid
Init +0
AC 14, touch 10, flat-footed 14
hp 25
Fort +5, Ref +1, Will +7
Str 10, Dex 10, Con 12, Int 11, Wis 16, Cha 14
Other Gear chain shirt, light mace, silver holy symbol of Nanna-Suen (crescent moon), spell component pouch
Akurida, shield of the faith
Male human fighter 1 / cleric of Nanna-Suen 1
CG Medium humanoid
Init +1
AC 21, touch 11, flat-footed 20
hp 22
Fort +6, Ref +1, Will +3
Str 15, Dex 12, Con 14, Int 10, Wis 12, Cha 8
Other Gear masterwork full plate, heavy steel shield, masterwork longsword, silver holy symbol of Nanna-Suen (crescent moon), spell component pouch
Acolytes
Male or female human cleric of Nanna-Suen 1
CG Medium humanoid
Init -1
AC 9, touch 9, flat-footed 9
hp 9
Fort +3, Ref -1, Will +4
Str 13, Dex 8, Con 12, Int 10, Wis 15, Cha 14
Other Gear robes, wooden holy symbol of Nanna-Suen (crescent moon), spell component pouch
Townspeople
Male or female human commoner 2
NG Medium humanoid
Init +0
AC 10, touch 10, flat-footed 10
hp 7
Spd 30 ft.
Fort +1, Ref +0, Will +1
Melee unarmed strike +1 (1d3)
During Combat The townspeople try to flee out the gates. After finding themselves trapped, they do their best to hide or seek the protection of PCs. They do not fight back.
Morale The townspeople do not have the stomach for battle, and cower if attacked.
Str 10, Dex 11, Con 13, Int 9, Wis 12, Cha 8
Base Atk +1; Grp +1
Other Gear simple clothing
Treasure
If the PCs foil Ereshkigal's plan and return the temple of Nanna-Suen to the mortal realm, they are rewarded for their efforts. If any priests survive, they gift the party with 4 potions of cure moderate wounds, a scroll of consecrate and a wand of bless (10 charges). The townspeople are similarly grateful, and take up a collection to reward the PCs. A week after the attack, they present the PCs with the sum of 500 gp.
Ad Hoc Experience Award
PCs that succeed in returning the temple to the world of the living gain experience as though they had defeated an EL 8 encounter, in addition to any XP due for foes defeated.
The Adventure Continues
If too many lives were lost, the PCs may find themselves trapped in the underworld with no easy means of return. Fortunately for them, allies can be found even in the land of the dead, and the temple still retains some affinity for the land of the living.
PCs that succeeded in returning the temple are welcomed as heroes for preserving the spiritual heart of Orunash. Even so, each life lost is mourned, particularly those of any priests that were slain. In a few days, dire news reaches Orunash: the attack against the temple of Nanna-Suen was not isolated. Reports trickle in of other temples and holy sites vanishing, leaving only barren ground. It seems Ereshkigal's attack on Orunash was only the beginning.
Encounter Concept (name/title, is it actually an encounter?, design choices, usability?, conflict and interaction?, is it memorable?, part of a larger adventure?, monster choices?): A-
The Good: Cool concept—a temple that slips into the underworld. I like the title. It is an encounter. It is pretty usable and would be a memorable encounter for sure. It works as part of a larger adventure. The monster choices are fun (real fun!). There is conflict here.
The Bad: Isn’t a “shunt to the underworld” ritual a bit powerful for a 4th level NPC? What do we do with the PCs that don’t go in (see below)?
Map (well done?, legible?, encounter keyed to the map?, exciting and memorable location?, well integrated?, all necessary info for cartographer?): C-
The Good: Generally clear and concise with a good key for symbols. A cartographer could make a map from this.
The Bad: No numbers or references is a big problem. Boring layout. Not very exciting. Nothing compelling about the location. Another big problem is that it does not show even suggested initial locations of the main NPCs on the map (let alone all the commoners). I guess I also didn’t understand how the map fit with the two tiered ziggurat. I guess this rather boring temple structure just sits on the top of the ziggurat? Is that it? Why not include a map of the whole ziggurat? In fact, this proves a big problem when you consider that many game groups will not bring the whole party inside the temple. That goofs the whole adventure up, and is a good reason why the map doesn’t show enough. Plus, the small area within the temple is a bit of a problem. There are not a lot of squares on that map for 14 NPCs and at least 4 PCs. That makes for a cramped, and tactically uninteresting fight.
Crunch (mandatory content such as EL, XP, reward, appropriate read aloud text, format choices and organization, stat blocks, monster selections, tactics, etc.): C-
The Good: I really like the stuff provided under the “Divine Aid” heading. That stuff is a nice touch. Oh, and the “Sliding into perdition” stuff is great too (with a key reservation, see below). Great touch with the “Designer’s Notes” part. That was nice. Good treasure and reward and ad hoc XP and “adventure continues” content. The stat blocks are pretty well done.
The Bad: I thought that intro temple part would have been a perfect place for read aloud text, and you didn’t put any there. Plus, I think you make a key mistake in the read aloud text that you did provide. Your text presumes that the party loses initiative and that she can act and do all those things before they get to act. That is a mistake. Granted, it isn’t as big of a mistake as presuming PC reactions or feelings, but still a mistake. I think you should have ended with “…As you approach, Hadina turns towards you, a pinch of gray ash in her hand and a strange smile on her face.” You can say if uninterrupted, she then casts the ash and all that happens and that things then transform, and provide the rest of your descriptive text. What if a PC says, “You know, I’m skeptical of that priest. I ready an action to shoot her if she does anything,” or another PC wants to make a check to see if they can identify what she is doing with those ashes. Presuming she is uninterrupted is not good. She likely will be, but don’t presume it. Players hate that. “Hey wait! I wanted to do something!” is what you will hear.
Another big problem is that you provide a small area for the encounter and presume that the whole party goes inside the temple. And no rules are provided for what happens to those PCs who don’t get ported to this demiplane. Can they interact at all with those inside? The big problem is that you presume everyone goes inside and all the transformations go off as planned.
I’m also not sure your EL is right. Though I concede that would be hard to calculate with all of this.
I also think that, though you did some good things, I think you didn’t find the best format to convey the information for this encounter. If published as is, it is confusing in parts. Needed a much cleaner, better way to present the information. Plus, it was poorly done to wait until so late in the encounter to say how many people are in the temple and where they are. That needed to be up front.
Writing (quality of read aloud text, publishable quality?, over/under-written?, quality of description): B-
The Good: Generally well written and of near publishable quality. Not over done.
The Bad: Its “throne,” not “thrown.” That was a big boo boo. And what is going on with the italics after the heading “Divine Aid”? Did you just forget to end the italics code?
Tilt (did it grab me?, is it unique and cool?, do I like it?): B-
The Good: I really like the initial concept.
The Bad: I don’t think you found the best format for it and the map was way too generic.
Overall: B-
A real good concept with some fun monsters and a neat and dynamic mechanic for slipping into the lower planes, marred with some poor read-aloud text that railroads the encounter, a generic map that isn’t fully labeled and is probably too small, less than optimal presentation format and the failure to account for PCs that don’t go in the temple.
Russ, this was a step down for you. I really thought your prior entries were much stronger—particularly the Darkblight which I thought was amazing. I do wish you luck.
NOT RECOMMENDED
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Kobold Press
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The setup is there, though the rapid-fire proper names is a bit of a blur. In three sentences we get Orunash, Lewenar, Ereshkigal, Nanna-Suen, Lewenar again, and Enatuma. It's a bit much.
The setting information helps immediately. The temple description grounds the encounter in a place and lots of details of the decoration. As a reader I'm not sure, though, why I care at this point. What's the hook? I was promised infiltration in the summary up top... And that theme returns in the very last sentence of the temple writeup.
I think you're burying the lead in the way you structure the text. You have hidden cultists as a hook; why make the DM look through the whole temple architecture section to find them again?
The readaloud assumes the party knows the proper names of three priests (debatable whether they really would), and it's mostly about a transformation into combat. I'm not convinced it's very effective.
Then we get the direct divine intervention, and I sort of lose it. Why is a god intervening to help the heroes? Shouldn't the heroes be doing the heroic stuff? I get that you are trying to set a timer on the PC's actions to create urgency but... how would they know what the timer is? Have they previously been servants of Nanna-Suen? Lots of questions here. I'm not sure I'd keep reading at this point if I weren't a judge.
Giving a party of 7th level characters a +1 mace and holy water seems underpowered. The use of Knowledge (the Planes) to know what's going on may be a poor design decision, because even a maxed-out character will have less than a 50% chance to make that DC 25 check. And the encounter sort of assumes that the PCs succeed, and take action based on that knowledge. This is a point of failure for the design, and most groups will be left confused. A better option would be to have another source for that information.
The notes about spreading terror mention the townspeople, but this is the first we've heard of them. Your sequencing is poor; if there were townspeople important to the encounter (maybe including one who has planar knowledge?), they should have appeared to the PC much earlier and been mentioned in prior text.
Overall, the sequencing and design choices are not bad, and the core concept is an exciting one for an encounter. I like the idea of messing with the underworld in a fairly low-level encounter (why should high-level PCs have all the fun?). But I don't think the execution really carries it off. The flavor is only halfway there, and there are structural, crunch, and logic problems.
Not recommended.
Chief Creative Officer, Publisher
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This submission included a couple of basic grammar/spelling errors that frankly surprised me. There's a missing apostrophe in the last sentence of the first paragraph (not a big deal) and you've spelled throne "thrown" (sort of a bigger deal). Both of those were confidence-shakers, and the fact that they came early did not help the submission.
I think the PCs are going to have a very difficult time understanding what is happening to them when "the lights go out" (so to speak). The beneficial effects keyed to the statue of Nanna-Suen might actually lead to more confusion. While that sort of chaos can increase the tension and excitement around the game table, it can also have the exact opposite effect. I'm not sure which way it would go with this encounter, but I am a bit nervous about it.
As cheesy as it might be, a little canned speech from Hadina might make what's going on a little more clear.
The map is clear enough, but it's pretty simplistic and not very exciting. The tightly packed back room doesn't leave much space for PCs to maneuver, and I wish there was more interactivity with the PCs' surroundings than there is. I think a better map and a more evocative and interesting temple layout would have added considerably to this. I can't shake the feeling that this is more of a "fight" than an encounter, and perhaps this is the reason why.
That said, I don't want to undersell it too badly. The writing here is definitely publishable, and it's really not a _bad_ entry. The concept of the temple slipping toward the Underworld adds interest to the fight, and the bit at the end about more temples and buildings slipping into the Underworld adds interest for future encounters.
But all in all I do not think this is one of the four best submissions this round, so I reluctantly do not recommend Russ Taylor for advancement into the final round of RPG Superstar.
But, as with Joe's submission, I will not be sad if the voters advance Russ to the next round. I think he has been the most consistent contestant in the competition, and I think he has a lot of freelance ahead of him one way or the other.
This is functional and works as an encounter. I'm afraid that it isn't evocative like the other encounters offered. I agree with Clark about some of the roadblock issues if characters do other things from the anticipated.
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Ahh I knew at least one encounter would go this way. The map provided was clearly not large enough to handle all of the action and NPCs described in the text. This sort of thing is what annoys me about some published encounters and therefore I will not be voting for it. This error is compounded (by my admittedly anal view of maps in encounters) by the lack of map scale information, something that should be included on every map where combat may occur. Also, it seemed like you supposed a great number of actions on the part of the PC's. Given the tight confines of the temple, perhaps only one or two PCs would enter at a time while the other's stood outside to keep a watch, await an opportunity to pay their respects or meet with the priestess face to face.
I liked the flavor of having the villagers panic as the battle breaks out and the overall idea is a good one, but these ideas are not enough to save this entry.
Well written? Somewhat
Is it an encounter? Yes
Would I use it? No
1.5/3
Didn't strike me as some of the others did. Nothing really wrong with it per say, just not my cup'o-tea with divine involvement and whatnot. I found it fairly dry, sorry Russ.
the map disappointed me at once. Then when I read on, and noticed that more than 10 people plus the PCs are supposed to fight in there I really didn`t know if that would work out well. And why should the ceremony take place in such small rooms?
The many names confused me too, and if I would run this encounter in my campaign, the players would`nt even know what is going on, since the only hint they have is Hadina smile and that she doesn`t turn into a monster. But neither do the townspeople.
The location turning evil is probably the only thing I would include in my campaign and redo the rest.
When I look at this, my priority is how it would play out. I have some reservations (raised in previous posts), but I picture this playing out as an exciting, memorable brawl.
The encounter starts out with a bang, as the temple is drawn into the demiplane and potential allies suddenly metamorphose into hellspawned foes. There should be plenty of tension, as the heroes find themselves drawn into the underworld.
Additional background information would clear up some of the issues raised by others. As an example, a 4th level cleric doesn't seem a likely candidate to unleash such mayhem, but it becomes more credible if the temple had been built upon the ruins of an older structure, one dedicated to her dark diety. Then she might tap into magic that had lain dormant beneath the site for centuries.
Giving a party of 7th level characters a +1 mace and holy water seems underpowered.
Er, Wolfgang, I believe it's a +1 holy heavy mace plus holy water. That should make a more sizable impact against these particular foes.
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Good concept. Others have mentioned things that I'm not fond of, such as the small room. I like that the PCs have to save the villagers and that they are under some real pressure to do so.
I do not like the ad hoc experience reward. It seems like its rewarding something the PCs would do anyway.
The EL of 10 is showing as correct going by this EL calculator:
http://www.penpaperpixel.org/tools/d20encountercalculator.htm
... but given the effects that deaths have in this room, I'm not sure its appropriate. EL/CR is an art as well as a science. And this is a EL 10 that is harder than average for a "normal" EL 10. There are seven human bad guys here. This essentially means the PCs can only permit two townspeople to die. I did like how you set the townspeople's CON to 13, so even if they fail the poison save after death #3 they don't lose any hit points. That was good thinking.
Again: good concept. I'm not sure it would work in execution with a lot of groups though.
Whoa! Right from the start, the map shows a three-room dungeon. Cool. I like that. Intro is reasonable and easily dropped into a fantasy game (possibly with a few tweaks for deity names/roles).
Now, the “plane shift toward the underworld” is an interesting choice. Hmmm. The divine aid is also interesting, but a bit of a red herring since it only provides a +1 holy heavy mace if the PCs come close to it. The mace thus has a peripheral impact, and is a problem for the DM to remember in the course of the scenario If the mace had more obvious clues and better effects (such as reverse the effect of a death) that would be something. One immediate problem I noticed is that the scenario does not say how many NPCs are present. If nine deaths is finito (and how do the PCs know this anyway?), then is the collateral damage to priests going to guarantee this? Does it require PC deaths? It appears that you can count six NPCs present, one of whom is a cultist, but five of whom are not. (Yet they transform anyway to evil things. Do they still count?) We don’t learn until many paragraphs down that the eight townspeople are present. This information should be up front with a total. Note that this temple is crowded. Now, does the demon or the priestess know how many deaths must happen before the temple finishes the slide? If so, they should just attack townspeople and they almost instantly win.
So points for Rat Bastardy. Kill the transmogrified good guys; move closer to damnation.
The holy water font is not marked on the map. It should be. Banishment is a 6th level spell. How will the party have it available? Dismissal is 4th cleric, 5th sor/wiz. It’s iffy if anyone will have it. Good that you included those effects as well as notes on dispel magic, but bad that everything is against Caster Level 15! The dispel magic info should be first (yes, an editor can fix that, but might not), and the banishment/dismissal details second. The CL should be lower for a 17th level encounter, or there has to be some better explanation for why it’s so high level and thus hard to remove.
Points for noting that the babau and dretches can’t use one of their abilities.
Overall impression? Neat flavor. Massive melee with lots for the DM to remember and track that’s nonstandard. The nonstandard elements would add tension if they were made obvious to the PCs. I think it’s a decent encounter. I reserve judgment on how it feels in terms of ranking until I review the other five submissions. I do think with some tweaking this could be a nice encounter leading into a greater plot or series of events.
For purposes of this review, I did not read other’s comments.
It's hard for me to respond to this entry, You've got great elements in there but moving a temple into the underworld? A bit much for 4th level characters and the fact some of the party might not go in is a sticking point for me.
I like the "travelling to the netherworld" concept. But there's some execution issues. So the biggest problem here is the small scale of the map. It also took me some time to ferret out how many commoners were in here. The order of the writeup was also a little bewildering. But the "save the innocents" is very super-heroish, which is fun. So, in the end, I like this one OK. B.
Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
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But all in all I do not think this is one of the four best submissions this round, so I reluctantly do not recommend Russ Taylor for advancement into the final round of RPG Superstar.
But, as with Joe's submission, I will not be sad if the voters advance Russ to the next round. I think he has been the most consistent contestant...
QFT
I hate to point it out, but the idea of a temple slipping into the netherworld isn't that unique. I think Monte Cook did it in A Paladin in Hell.
That said, I liked it overall. I liked the touch of encouraging the DM to ham up the terror of the commoners.
The map is confusing as all hell... from the description I believe that it shows two rooms and the remainder of the ziggurat, but if so this thing is far from impressive in size. Cramped quarters is doable, but 8 townsfolk is just too many to keep track of. Overall the map is not very inspiring, though the additional possibilities created by the holy water and statue help a little.
What spell is being used here, and how does it work? Why do the priests change but the commoners and PCs are immune? It seems like the little pinch of ash was actually meant to protect them from the spell's effects, but that makes no sense to me at all.
Tying the death toll to the effects of the environmental changes was a nice touch, though I think there are too many townsfolk just lying around for easy kills.
I don't especially like this one, but it has its moments.
This entry suffers a bit from too much going on. As pointed out above the encounter area is way too small for the amount of PCs and NPCs and bad guys that are supposed to be there. No one could get anything done without running into someone else. I do like the concepts though, but I just don't think the concepts outweight the deficiencies enough to vote for it when there are other entries this round that are, in my opinion, clearly better.
I wouldn't be sad if you moved on though. I've enjoyed your other work, especially Darkblight.
Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4, Legendary Games
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Giving a party of 7th level characters a +1 mace and holy water seems underpowered.Er, Wolfgang, I believe it's a +1 holy heavy mace plus holy water. That should make a more sizable impact against these particular foes.
Indeed. Extra +2d6 on every hit could be the difference between winning and losing in what could be a very chaotic and difficult battle for 7th level characters.
I thought the notes about using the holy water as an improvised weapon or bull-rushing or grappling foes into it was a neat concept. Combined with the fact that dretches are Small and not super-strong, you could actually do it. I'm not sure if a PC WOULD think to do it, but it was a nice touch to put it in there as a something available to them.
I also really liked the built-in importance of saving the commoners from the monsters - gave an extra edge to the encounter that would force the party to use different tactics than just a straight-up brawl with the bad guys.
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4, Legendary Games
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But all in all I do not think this is one of the four best submissions this round, so I reluctantly do not recommend Russ Taylor for advancement into the final round of RPG Superstar.
But, as with Joe's submission, I will not be sad if the voters advance Russ to the next round. I think he has been the most consistent contestant...
QFT
I hate to point it out, but the idea of a temple slipping into the netherworld isn't that unique. I think Monte Cook did it in A Paladin in Hell.
That said, I liked it overall. I liked the touch of encouraging the DM to ham up the terror of the commoners.
A Paladin in Hell rocks the house.
I finally got to run it in my last campaign (updated to 3.5) and it was big fun. Amusingly, the PCs ended up parleying with Geryon and pointing out how in the grand scheme Asmodeus had totally screwed him (don't recall if this was in the official adventure or part of some in-campaign context I had tweaked) and ended up trading him the Demonwing for letting them go through Citadel Coldsteel to the temple without further interference.
In the end, the party succeeded in restoring the temple and Geryon took the ship and traveled the planes raiding, essentially becoming the demigod of pirates... :)
RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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I had a huge issue with the 4th level NPC (who later turns out to be 6th level) invoking a majorly powerful ritual like that, alone, in one round, and giving the NPC good clerics no saves for a super powerful effect like that.
To add insult to injury, the PCs are almost never going to be able to save their former friends and allies, since at that level, they're likely to have 1-2 dispel magics available, and against CL 15, it's going to be tough to break the effect. I guess if they use the area version of the spell, they can break a few out. Also, explicitly having a DC 20 knowledge (arcana) check to let casters know that a dispel magic would work would be a good idea, since as a player, I'd probably assume that whatever transformed them like that was beyond the power to dispel. More importantly, not many 7th level character are going to be able to knock these guys out to be able to restore them. Most likely, they'll kill them and be stuck with dead versions of them, and quite possibly stuck in the netherworld.
I think to fix the 9 deaths equals netherworld issue, I wouldn't count the transformed priests, and only count the PCs, the NPC evil cleric, and the commoners. Then, they're only stuck in the netherworld if all 8 commoners die along with the bad guy, or PCs die instead of some of the commoners.
Finally, I was confused why stats were given for the good NPC clerics, since they'll never be used in the encounter.
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RPG Superstar 2013
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka Steven T. Helt
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I like the idea of the sliding temple, it's very dramatic. Having the commoners there creates urgency and there's material here for a very exciting, memorable combat with fun and dangerous monsters.
However, I am really bored with the writing exercise portion of the submission. I keep skiping ahead of all the text looking for meat, for tactics, etc. I keep finding a lot of prose, and then a long-ass list of stat blocks. I prefer the stat blocks become reference when they are first mentioned: The babau enters the fray from this location, slaying a commoner before turning its attention to the PCs. (Babau, MM p58)
You can save yourself a lot of words, and include all the tactics for this one monster in the same place. Also, keying this information to your map (which isn't even half the size it needs to be) helps with comprehension of your encounter. As submitted, you have a ton of random squares full of good and bad guys, and that's a huge mis-step. With carefule placement of your bad guys, you can create tactical advantages for your NPCs or create urgency in the combat (by placing bad people near commoners, for one example). Without careful placement, you have chaos (and not the good kind), which leads to boredom.
A good fix is to submit a map of both levels of the ziggurat and have the encounter take place on both levels. Combat in three dimensions is tougher to pull off, but then the rewards are better. You can describe much better atmosphere as a DM in a three dimensional combat instead of just placing everyone on flat squares.
Congratulations on your success in Superstar. You're in the Top .007%!
I agree with what a lot of people have said already. I like the set up, a temple slipping into the underworld is a great idea, and I very much like the way an increasing number of deaths exerts more pull on it towards the underworld, but unfortunately, I think you let yourself down a little in the execution as others have said.
All that said, still a pretty good encounter, one I can easily see appearing in a published adventure, and one I would be happy to run.
Don't have time to read everyone's posts. But for the record I like the divine intervention a lot but probably would have made the mace something cooler. I'd add that every time someone dies the entire temple spasms, to give a hint that things are getting worse.
I disagree with the interruption thing as presented by Clark. The PC's are walking into "friendly territory" during a ritual for the dead. A priest smiles and picks up some ashes. If my characters attacked or stopped the ritual I would cancel/reschedule the entire encounter and make them look like fools for metagaming. They have absolutely no reason to think something's wrong and what kind of hero interrupts or starts a combat at some respected person's funeral. If the priests she works with everyday didn't realize she's evil the PC's shouldn't in 6 seconds. (edit) After thinking about this a little more I would probably give them an initiative roll to do something defensive if they were known to be especially paranoid (their character, not the player).
I went into this thinking it was going to be boring but I really liked it. Definitely need more room to put all those people in and some kind of trick to try to get all the characters in the building, but if not oh well I'll sacrifice the enjoyment of a single player to keep the realism in the game and not railroad them into the temple. They can always go play playstation or something.
Ragwaine raises a good point. While I dislike a "boxed text railroad" introduction as much as anyone else, is it reasonable for the average party to interrupt at that point? If they have evidence that the temple had been infiltrated by an agent of evil, they might be able to interrupt, but it looks like all that remains to be done is for the priestess to drop some dust.
When an opportunity presents itself, I'd like to incorporate this one into a game. The PC's arrive while a terrible windstorm lashes the village, forcing those who ascend the ziggurat to make a DC 5 Balance check or risk falling down the structure's steep stairway. This should encourage the party members to enter the shrine, rather than waiting in the storm outside.
I'll also incorporate the suggestion that the entire ziggurat slides into the netherworld, making the battlefield larger and three-dimensional.
Ragwaine raises a good point. While I dislike a "boxed text railroad" introduction as much as anyone else, is it reasonable for the average party to interrupt at that point? If they have evidence that the temple had been infiltrated by an agent of evil, they might be able to interrupt, but it looks like all that remains to be done is for the priestess to drop some dust.
That depends. Do they have someone with a high knowledge of the ceremony with them, who might know that it's just changed? Is there something about the priest that alerts someone?
Essentially, any type of encounter like this is a setup. It has to be. Otherwise, you're back to "You enter a room and see 5 orcs."
Now, there's still the point of how does this particular low level acolyte accomplish this. Better explanation and flavor text makes this come together.
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 6
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Dedicated Voter Season 6
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Well folks, my journey ends here. I'm finding it impossible to be upset about making it to the semi-finals, and I'm looking forward to what the finalists produce for the final round. Thank you for your comments and support, and with any luck you'll be hearing from me again!
Well folks, my journey ends here. I'm finding it impossible to be upset about making it to the semi-finals, and I'm looking forward to what the finalists produce for the final round. Thank you for your comments and support, and with any luck you'll be hearing from me again!
Good job Russ, I enjoyed your entries.
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 6
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Dedicated Voter Season 6
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So. A brief follow-up post on my idea, which I have to say I feel I didn't sell :)
I treated the assignment as an except from a larger adventure. I deliberately kept the "linker" text short, since the idea wasn't to frame the whole thing, but rather a piece of it. I also made a decision to try and keep this close to the word count of a two-page encounter layout, figuring that in the true adventure, any excess words I use here take away from those available for the rest. In a nutshell, in a real encounter, what I explain in more detail here may lead to losing elements from the adventure somewhere else.
By this portion of the adventure, the party members have already interacted with the priests of Nanna-Suen (including the traitor), hence the use of their names in the boxed text. This particular encounter just wouldn't happen if Hadina's treachery had been uncovered earlier. The previously good relations with her account for the "boxed text" attack - barring some sort of magic, the party isn't going to be aware of any problem until the ash is already in the air. Starting initiative before she's done anything would just leave the encounter in an artificial "Well, someone must be about to attack us" state.
In D&D, I'm a decided opponent of sizing everything to the battle grid. Some locations are going to be roomy and spacious, some not so much. I went with what I felt to be a reasonable size temple in a small town, laid out the map, and placed the combatants on it as a sanity check. What resulted was a battle in tight quarters, which was what my intent.
The background and setting of the framing adventure was Sumerian, the inspiration for the temple layout as well. Elements that would not naturally occur in a mid-adventure encounter were left out, delibately, such as the question of "Just how is she accomplishing this?". That information would be covered in the adventure's opening text (for the DM) and in later encounters (for the PCs), and ideally foreshadowed in the encounters before the revelation. In this case, the pinch of ash (from the land of the dead, in the rough outline in my head) was a key component of the ritual.
What I had in mind in terms of the adventure is that this was a pivotal encounter for the plot, the point at which the ambitions of the enemy begin to become clear. What seemed to be a simple cult shifts into a scheme by the Queen of the Underworld to steal away the temples (and by extension) power of her rivals. Rather than saying this is happening, the adventure involves the party in one of the thefts.
Anyhow, that's what I was thinking :) I'd say in hindsight, approaching it as an adventure excerpt wasn't the best design decision.
A few more notes on the design decisions:
Divine intervention for me was a bit of a no-brainer. The temple's being taken, something the god of the temple would be aware of. His priests are ensared in the ritual, but the PCs are free agents that he can give an edge to. The non-intervention pact of the gods is something of an assumption, and should have been addressed more clearly.
Various elements that I feel DMs should handle "on their feet" were left out, not because of lack of answers, but because of the afore-mentioned idea that I was writing for space. A prime example would be PCs that are outside of the temple aren't in the encounter. I do wish in hindsight that I'd included a bit of text about just what is that they see, though the concluding text does example that in part (nothing left but barren group).
An element that did not get communicated well was the whole "death" factor. PCs that slaughter the transformed priests are most likely going to "fail" the encounter, because the point of the encounter isn't just to triumph, it's to save the temple. Demons and aberrations aren't immune to non-lethal damage, so a key insight for the player is that they can't slay the demons if they wish to triumph. The dead demons transforming back into dead priests is a clue, as are the changes in the environment. A better clue, one that takes a little luck, is what happens when they reduce a demon to negative hps, and get back a living priest.
If there's any concerns I didn't address adequately, please let me know. I'm hoping this encounter sees some use as a story idea :)
Edit: for the person who asked, the holy water fonts are in the squares with the statues, hence not drawn in on the map.
And Paizo - thank you very much for this opportunity to share my work with your community.
Thanks for giving us a little more detail, Russ.
I didn't see any problems with the set-up of this encounter - there are very few situations where all the PCs wouldn't go into the friendly temple to pay their respects and talk to their contacts (who are in the inner chamber). I couldn't understand why it was considered worth criticising when the set-up for Chase on Charred Ground - get the players to put their characters on the sled - was felt to be fine!
I also saw the slightly cramped quarters (in 3E D&D terms) as part of the encounter. I pictured it like a scene from a disaster movie - the lights go out, the room starts to shift, and the extras start screaming!
Finally, I really gave you credit for making it feel like an encounter from the middle of an adventure. It seemed to me (as it did to you and Jason) that this was required by the rules for this round. Furthermore, I felt that some of the other entries didn't really stick to this requirement, but weren't criticised for it. C'est la vie.
Congratulations for making it this far, and for writing an intriguing encounter!
Well folks, my journey ends here. I'm finding it impossible to be upset about making it to the semi-finals, and I'm looking forward to what the finalists produce for the final round. Thank you for your comments and support, and with any luck you'll be hearing from me again!
Well, I'd guess that with entries you have shown here, you should easily find freelance gigs. Your entries did have a clear feel of professionalism in them.
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Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
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A Paladin in Hell rocks the house.
I finally got to run it in my last campaign (updated to 3.5) and it was big fun.
Awesome. I like your PCs' approach.
I purchased that module off of eBay pretty recently and would love to run it... care to share where you found your 3.5 conversion?
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Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
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Sorry to see you go, Russ. Congrats on top-6-ing it. The PCs in the game I run are getting ready to take a sea voyage, and I may have to steal Seskadrin to give them a proper shakedown and a lesson about why humans should stay on LAND!
QFT
I've been a huge fan of yours the whole way through. I especially loved Seskadrin, Darkblight, and your country. Best of luck to you in all your future endeavors, and I look forward to whatever you submit next year.
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Contributor, RPG Superstar 2008 Top 4, Legendary Games
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A Paladin in Hell rocks the house.
I finally got to run it in my last campaign (updated to 3.5) and it was big fun.
Awesome. I like your PCs' approach.
I purchased that module off of eBay pretty recently and would love to run it... care to share where you found your 3.5 conversion?
Regrettably, it was done by me and more or less cobbled together on the go. Some parts I pre-converted in detail (like the NPC Loviath, who I believe came a low-epic-level mystic theurge the way I drew her up; and I think the rakshasas became warlocks), some parts I just used stock 3rd Ed monsters to swap out, and some parts I really just eyeballed.
The most diabolically fun part (from a devious DM's perspective) was in the corrupted nave of the temple, filled with magma and 2 pit fiends, when one used a magic ring to raise the level of the magma engulfing much of the party. No SR, no saving throw, no nothing - it's just regular magma, suck it up and deal! The party druid was trapped, he could wildshape into a fire elemental and be immune to the damage but wasn't strong enough to make the high Swim check to move through the magma. Or he could go earth elemental and use earth glide to move through it (it is, after all, a type of rock) and suck up the 20d6 per round no save. After a round of being trapped he went with plan B and got outta there. The party returned a little later after having earned more 'victory points' and the battle was WAY easier without all the (in Dr. Evil's voice) "liquid hot MAG-ma."
Probably the most memorable single moment, though, was when the above-mentioned druid, wildshaped into a spinosaurus, SWALLOWED A DRAGON WHOLE! Hey, it's a high-level adventure, and they were high-level characters, and it was plenty harrowing. I added more of an adventure to the actual voyage to Stygia (using the FR planar arrangement, along the River of Blood), and if I recall the party actually figured out a way to circumvent a lot of the 'inside the Demonwing' part of the adventure. I think they ultimately decided they didn't care about the politics down below decks, as long as they got where they needed to go. I think they planned on just abandoning the ship once they got there, but they must have gone far enough into the bowels of the ship to find the spyglass and then later gave it to Geryon to consummate their trade.
Fun stuff. Love the art as well - really, really good. Overall, it's exactly what a super-high-powered planar adventure should be. I actually like it better than Queen of the Demonweb Pits (though that is hardcore good stuff too).
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Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
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In D&D, I'm a decided opponent of sizing everything to the battle grid. Some locations are going to be roomy and spacious, some not so much. I went with what I felt to be a reasonable size temple in a small town, laid out the map, and placed the combatants on it as a sanity check. What resulted was a battle in tight quarters, which was what my intent.
Works for me. And bonus points for the Cthulhu reference.