As a first entry, you should feel proud. The only thing I found "wrong" with your item was the name. It made me think of a comic book amalgamation rather than a cool bow. It might not have made the top 32 because the power is a bit too straight forward - it shoots better. Not much of a surprise there. Solid writing and good template use though. Enter again next year!
Thank you in advance! Glove of the Severed Servant Aura faint necromancy and transmutation; CL 5th
Description
The disembodied hand scurries about freely, using the statistics of a crawling hand (Bestiary 2 59). The wearer directs the hand telepathically, instructing it to perform typical actions including; attacking, making a skill check or retrieving an item. The hand continues this action until given another command. A touch spell can be delivered by the severed hand if the spell is cast before the hand detaches. If the wearer casts another spell before the touch is delivered, the touch spell dissipates and is lost. The severed hand may reattach at any time by simply returning to the wearer's space. Should the disembodied hand be killed or travel further than 1 mile from the wearer, it immediately reappears on the wearer's wrist unharmed. However, the gauntlet loses all magical abilities for 24 hours, becoming a normal spiked gauntlet during this period. Should the wearer be killed, the detached hand becomes an actual crawling hand, reattaching to the wearer only after it is reduced to 0 hit points. Construction
You're killing me Smalls! ;)
The culls are working, as I now have 6 strong keeps, all of varying types. Also, let's take a minute to praise Paizo IT. The contest is working great this year and they deserve a hardy pat on the back. Or perhaps one of the top 32 for their next adventure? ;)
(Lots of great stuff) Wow! I don't know where you find the time and energy, but I thought your rewrite was lots of fun. Thank you for taking the effort to do it and for explaining why you did what you did. It was immensely enjoyable.
Frankly I thought there were a lot of really good items this year. Here is my list of favorites (not including my Bonewarp Chain, as requested), in the order I saw them... Widow’s Web – 157 Words, Net (Near perfect, wish I had written it.) 10/10
If any of the designers of the above items would like me to elaborate, just send me a message with your item and I'll try to recall my original thoughts. Kudos to all!
I'm putting this in a game just to make people say "Loot Lute" out loud over and over again. I may even pair it with a "Shoot Chute" (a barrel extension) and a "Route Root" (a piece of a tree that draws maps in the dirt). Thanks for helping me torment my players! Woot woot.
Also keep in mind... Spoiler: The key is needed to get back out. By the time the PCs realize this, the outer doors should be closed!
The name is okay. I'm not terribly fond of using proper names in archetype names, but for this contest it seems appropriate. On the other hand, the opening flavor text is quite good. I get a real mental picture of what you're going for.
These trades seem fair, and fit the theme nicely.
You're trading AC and physical bonuses for spy related stuff. I guess that is balanced enough, and it sticks to the theme. Others have mentioned making the progression more standard, which I agree with. What's up with the Will save for magic aura though? There is no Will save for this spell. Or are you overriding the DC for any use of Identify (which is normally DC 10 + spell level + Int mod)? If so, that's a pretty good boost in DC. The fact that it lasts a lot shorter than the actual spell might balance though. (This needs to be clarified.) I hate the phrase "This ability otherwise functions as and replaces...", but it's the standard so I won't hold it against you.
Rogue talents as discoveries. Smart way to get a whole bunch of description in very few words. Extracts: Add the following spells... Keeps the theme and another smart way to make a lot of changes in very few words.
More sneaking, but this time for allies. Hmmm, this takes away potions (and weakens potion discoveries by extension), which can do a whole range of things. Perhaps you're starting to specialize a little too much now? Why not just brew a potion of disguise self, or alter self, or the like and give it to your allies/charges? This should say, "At 1st level..." to stick with convention.
Still hiding I see. This feels weaker than what you're giving up since poison resistance increases in power. It's still themed properly though. And then, that's it. All the changes pretty much take place at 1st and 2nd level. That makes me a little sad. Overall: Yeah, it's pretty good. It's not going to make it to the top of my list, but it ticks a lot of boxes. I wish there were higher level abilities or at least some "active" abilities. But you'll be the sneakiest kid on the block. Good luck!
You only needed 78 words, including template, to describe your item. That's a red flag right there. There wasn't anything wrong with your item (other than a minor template oops), it just didn't do anything that Superstar items are supposed to do. I could see this in a generic book somewhere, and it would get used regularly, but it's vanilla in a double-chocolate fudge brownie contest. Keep the ideas flowing and come back next year with a 200 word item.
Mantle of a Thousand Hands There were a couple of mechanical issues here that I pretty much ignored after reading the description. The mental image of unmatched hands bolting in and out at odd intervals sold it for me. It made my top 10. Pair up with a "rules lawyer" and you'll go far.
Does this mean my Tick reference went over everyone's heads? No, it's the first thing that came to mind when I read your description -- the sidekick lounge. Thanks for the grin! ("I am the evil midnight bomber what bombs at midnight" The Tick vs. The Tick)
Just another pat on the back... Not only did I vote for this item each time it came up, but I immediately stole it and dropped it into my current campaign. The characters were supposed to use it to raise a sunken ship (complete with undead sailors), but my players are impossible to predict and they skipped the encounter! I'm saving this for later though. Kudos and well deserved.
This probably goes much deeper than the OP really intended to get, but here's my take: Criteria for a Superstar Item (in order of importance) Usefulness: Above all else, a Superstar item is useful. If it isn’t useful, then it isn’t anything. You can write up the best bread oven ever imagined, but characters aren’t carting around a bread oven. Balance: Anyone can make an item that does everything/anything. But if it breaks the rest of the game, what’s the point? Consumables are the most difficult to balance and match all the other criteria, so think extra hard when making them. Creativity: Adding bonuses is fine, but not Superstar. A Superstar item should make you want to play the game in a new way, or help you to imagine new possibilities, not just grant bonuses. Conversely, don’t slip into the trap of thinking it needs to do a whole array of different things to be excellent. Comprehension: If we can’t understand the mechanics, then we can’t use the item. It shouldn’t take multiple reads or an encyclopedic knowledge of the rules to use an item. Longevity: A Superstar item has playability long after a character gets it. The only exception is consumables, and even then the player should have a tough time deciding to use it as he won’t want to waste it. Accuracy: Use the proper terms and formatting. Don’t make up new terms when standard terms already exist. Do the math, check spelling and grammar, use the layout that is expected. Conciseness: Use only the words you need to describe the item. Describe what it looks (/smells/sounds) like and what it does; not an exhaustive history of its maker and everyone that ever touched it. Refer to well known rules rather than repeating them. But don’t be so thrifty that the item can’t be visualized. Seriousness: A Superstar item can include light-hearted aspects, but avoid jokes or puns. Silliness should be a result of an item, not what it is based upon. Somebody in the game world went to a lot of expense to make the item, so why would it be goofy? Fun: Creating something that is fun to use/own is actually the most important criteria. But, if done properly, fun should be the automatic byproduct of following all the other criteria.
I'm really looking forward to giving feedback for a few items. There were some that I really, really liked (although I couldn't dig up 32 superstar items). There were a few where I wanted to shake the author and ask, "why oh why did you have to make that mistake? You could've been a contender!" A couple items that probably won't make it through had such a terrific theme but iffy mechanics that I suspect they were new players/makers; so I expect to see them back strong next year. Overall, I'm really pleased with this new system. Not only should it make the judges job a little easier, but it will help to illustrate what us as players really enjoy seeing (which, in the end, is the final goal). It's also a lot less likely that a really good item gets skipped because you entered it on a "bad" day, and vice versa. Whoever came up with this idea should get a raise!
No. I entered the contest because I felt I had a superstar idea, not an also-ran. So it was going to take a truly superstar item to beat mine. One that could actually beat the bias I have towards my own item. I'll admit that one item came very close, but in the end I voted for my own item every time. Still, I'll be shocked if a couple of the items mine was pitted against don't make the top 32.
Things that I've seen that I like...
I have seen 12 - 15 really, really good items so far. Perhaps a score or so were nearly there, but had a (fixable) flaw that kept it out of the upper tier. Two items I already stole and will be using in my on-going game this weekend.
I've noticed an interesting trend with entries having "charges". When did this become so popular? I only recall two Wondrous items having charges (Cube of Force and Gem of Seeing), and only one that would recharge every day. Normally an item is limited by hit dice, rounds, targets, etc. As a GM I'm not a big fan of charges since it's bookkeeping across sessions (which players aren't always great at). But I'm old and set in my ways. ;) What is everyone else's feelings on the subject of charges? Is it the wave of the future?
It's 60 seconds. Have we really become so impatient that we can't wait 60 seconds? C'mon folks, pick real problems to complain about.
I have way too many favorites to list, as the included Wondrous Items typically are quite good. However, to turn the question around for a second, I would like to point out something that is missing from the Core Items. It would be nice to have Wondrous Items that improve with character advancement. For (a weak) example: ============
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 8th
Description
1st level: +1 to Combat Manuever Bonus (CMB)
Construction
=============== This solves two big problems:
(Forgive me if this is too far off of the original topic. No thread jacking was intended.) |
