A Message from Aslynn, Queen of all Hags

Up you go as down we throw.
Queen of Hags will end up in bags.
As all our puns will make your children run.
Your end will be just as soon as they are free.
Where are your rhymes? This seems like a crime.
For it isn't a time to be so sublime.

cant wait to see baba reveal she was playing 86d chess while aslynn was playing like 10d chess

I am Teki Stronggut, goblin goddess
-- My Starstone test as yet pending --
But kicking your butt will not be the oddest
Trial I complete before my Ascending
(Don't mess with gods when we're pissed)

Aslynn, our foe crazed and misbegotten
Aslynn, alleged queen of witch covens
Perhaps dear Aslynn has forgotten
What happens to witches in their own ovens?
(Don't worry, you won't be missed)

Also, please tell me that our final fight this season ends with dance off or rap battle! I'm so down for this!

I can't say taunting Grandmother ever struck me as a wise decision.

Goblins burn and goblins tear!
Goblins show you big real fear!
Goblins eat all we have seen!
Goblins sneer at dumb hag queen!

(I guess I should add a stage direction at the end: "dies.")

"Ashlynn, I am sorry to say but your Soup tastes Terrible.

I tried some when you weren't looking, and you seriously need to take some cooking classes or something. I would think someone who is always dragging around a pot of soup would have a better recipe."

I, I ... I’ve heard you’ve got great fame
From messin’ with the Dreamin’ plane
We find you such a bore …

No Way! No Way! You've really got a nasty face
Your magic won’t even share your space
Even slumber starts to snore …

Hex on the run
You're cackling, patron power shuns
It’s runnin’
Why not become a nun
And hide that evil eye away

Hexes on the run!
Go Hexy! 😉
Hex on the run

And hide away ...

~ The Sweet

Also, Hi Teki!

Is this a rap battle? x'D

In the name of Luhar, #### that noise.

Fear not for I mentioned your name to Baba Yaga over tea.

She was puzzled. "Aslynn you say? My janitor you fear?"

This plunger she gave me and words for you, you wannabe seer,

Get back to work! Dimensions Seven and Twelves are still clogged with Elvanna's tears.

When from behind the Lodge I heard such a clatter
I sprung from my cot to see what was the matter
To my window she flew with a terrible cackle
Brandishing a pair of cold iron shackles

And then, with a clinking and rattling of chains
As I ran back inside, my head aching with pain
Reality fades, only nightmares remain
As The Queen of all Hags invades my brain

She was dressed in a jerkin made from the skin
Of an innocent child that she doubtless did in
Her bubbling cauldron dragging behind
With a fearful visage that could strike a man blind

...and so on and so forth. XD

This is worth continuing...

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But Biglock and Mr. Glovely hauling some gear.
With Zykyryz the skull we can never be bored
We'll take your hag and raise you an Arclord!

More rapid than eagles our Venture Captains came,
I hope you don't mind if I call some of them by name:
"Now Kreighton, now Ambrus, now Zarta Dralneen!
"Now, Sebnet and Muesello with wayfinders keen!

Greetings.

Aslann, you have two unheard messages.

Message 1: Regardless of meter or verse, threats to the society will likely be met with lethal force and your violation of security protocols have made you no friends. Please cease all attempts.

Message 2: We've been trying to reach about your vehicles extended warranty. It's an AR 4723 Numerian Pine Box registered in your name.

Whomst?

Is there a reason for this message? I’m confused as to why it is in the blog. Presaging some announcement for the next Adventure Path? Some other release?

Is there a reason for this message? I’m confused as to why it is in the blog. Presaging some announcement for the next Adventure Path? Some other release?

:Hmm waves to OceanShieldWolpf.:

Hey OSW!

I noticed you don't have any Organized Play Characters, so it's a good bet that you haven't been playing Pathfinder Society Season Four. During the ongoing storyline of that Season, we've been having some issues with Aslynn the hag.

This trash-talking blog is here to help us anticipate the opportunity to kick her hag butt later this season.

I hope that helps!

Hmm

Another job for the Vigilant Seal. Regroup, guys.

OCEANSHIELDWOLPF 2.0 wrote:

Is there a reason for this message? I’m confused as to why it is in the blog. Presaging some announcement for the next Adventure Path? Some other release?

:Hmm waves to OceanShieldWolpf.:

Hey OSW!

I noticed you don't have any Organized Play Characters, so it's a good bet that you haven't been playing Pathfinder Society Season Four. During the ongoing storyline of that Season, we've been having some issues with Aslynn the hag.

This trash-talking blog is here to help us anticipate the opportunity to kick her hag butt later this season.

I hope that helps!

Hmm

Your research is stellar as ever HMM. And thanks for the heads up!

Interesting, she did show up in a couple of 1E scenarios as well starting around season 7.

Stop this rhyming now….
I mean it….

In Torag's Name,
This is no game!
By the setting of the sun,
You will know our gun!
We need no title,
to use a rifle!
From pole to pole to Absalom,
We give oury life to guard this, our home!

Stop this rhyming now….

I mean it….

Does anyone want a peanut?

Not on my watch, she won't.

It's "slain" dear.
Isn't Intelligence your primary ability?

Man, I just landed in "Epic Rap Battles of History!"

Time for a performance check:

Yo' ya' silly hag,
Your rhymes are weak,
ya' old nag.

Pathfinders 'll put ya' in blinders
Keep draggin' around that pot, ya' gonna get got
Knockin' over your soup, gonna throw ya' for a loop

Your magic? Its tragic.
Made a nothin' but weak sauce,
Meek sauce,
The only thing it does is reek sauce.

Night hag, Fright hag... Yeah right
Ya' got nothin', no drip,
just rags.

Pathfinder's bling? Ain't never gonna be yo' thing.
So stop tryin', and get to cryin'

--Lem, probably.

Aslynn : starts trash-talking Baba Yaga.

Players : ah, famous lasts words...

I do hope my hag bloodline sorceress gets a chance to tangle with Aslynn someday. She was out of tier for the Season 4 intro...

Harumph. Whippersnapper upstarts.

Please no corruptsessing the Dimension of Dreams right now today, please and thank you... you mean ol' witch of bads, you. So mean.

Dreamthief beep???

*A kobold champion of Apsu in magical full-plate made out of pieces of a pot belly stove brandishing an enchanted longspear* I've slain two hags so far...what's a third.

I've slain two hags so far...what's a third.

This is part of the reason Millicent wants a shot at Aslynn. I chose hag for her bloodline because it sounded more interesting than the typical blaster-type sorcerer. Then, completely by accident, her very first scenario featured a hag as the main villain! She fought another one a couple levels later, which is making her somewhat paranoid about how often this is going to happen. Each new hag just makes her crankier and crankier about her own lineage ("Curse you, Grandmama!"), even as she taps into that power more and more every level.

Roses are red,
Aslynns a hag,
Her stench is enough,
To make even trolls gag.

Penalty Charge Notice
Charge 12billion GP
Registered Owner Aslynn the Night Hag

Dear Ms Hag,

I am required to give you formal notice that a vehicle registered in your name was observed exceeding the speed limit in the skies above Ustalav. I understand you are the registered keeper of a flying vehicle named the Gale's Claw.

Our records show this vehicle was recorded exceeding the speed limit on its approach to the Ardis Scholar's Manor House. If you were not driving the vehicle at the time please let us know who was. Please note we will require evidence as to who the driver at the time was. Mere claims not to have been present are unacceptable.

If you wish to pay your fine you may do so using the forms enclosed. If you make payment within 14 days the fine will be reduced to £6billion GP. Please do not ignore this correspondence. If you do not pay your fine we may well take enforcement action. This may affect your credit rating and result in bailiffs attending at your Electric Castle to seize goods to the value of the fine.