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To try and get into character, Gurmire has been shifting back and forth nervously while waiting for Ogren to finish his lines. He allows a dramatic pause after Ogren announces that Lastwall is no more, to build suspense.
Then he hops forward and says his lines in what he considers a truly artistic way.
“Is True!” He pauses and poses with chest puffed out and then does a flip of the floppy ears before announcing “Undead!” He adds another dramatic pause before finally making a sweep with his arm and announcing “Everywhere!”
He rearranges his ears again, since one of them feel in front of his face, then looks to Pip expectantly.
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Pip mounts Bailliff and rides on to the stage, trailing ribbons behind her to indicate her rush. At the last minute, she and Bailiff skid to a stop, both bowing before Packet's bucket throne and panting dramatically between the words as if she had just finished running for her life. "But! We! Helped them! Escape!"
Then, as if realizing what she just said, she waits for the goblins to laugh as she reassures the king by pointing to Ogren on his stilts, "The longshanks, I mean! Not the undead!"
She then taps Bailiff to signal he's on, and nods to Lirabelle to get ready.
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Bailiff wags his tail happily as he barks. Running and barking is fun. I'm going to pee next!
The gobline audience, so far, is partially paying attention and partially milling around. I anything is being thrown, it's only half-hearted and lands limply ion the stage floor.
The show goes on…
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Shwurk, her chin high, marches forward. "I found people who appreciate my singing and my affordable, one-of-kinds products!. Here, lemme show ya!" She clears her throat and holds up her book that's been covered in her trademark "greebling" as an example of her "one-of-kinds" products.
The goblins cheer ferociously at this longshanks begging for help, seemingly so nervous in front of such a glorious and true king! It’s clear this Ulthun is awestruck.
But what will King Zusgut say...
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Jumping up and down, the rabbit ears flopping all over the place, Gurmire shouts “We help too!”
Then as if suddenly remembering something, he grabs a still burning piece of goblin critique and takes a pose holding it high above his head.
“We know how to fight undead longshanks!” Shaking the burning item, he shouts “BURN THEM!”
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Pip comes forward, trailing Bailiff. She looks to the crowd, as excited as they are by the prospect of the theatrical fight to come.
"Yes, Mitzi will tear them apart with wolfish fierceness!" Pip tosses Bailiff's favorite cloth toy to the dog. The toy was already falling apart, but Pip had helped the process by slitting a couple of the seams in anticipation of this very line. Then, grinning at Gurmire's improvisation, Pip adds her own!
At the sound of Wolfish Choir, Bailiff howls!
Then he barks with excitement and tears into the cloth toy that Pip tosses to him, sending bits of stuffing everywhere! "Wooof! Wooof!"
I got toy! I got toy! I'm such a good dog!
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”I think we need to hurry; no time for catapults or songs.” Packet, feeling he needs a way to make things feel weighty, realizes he has a throne, but no scepter.
”Prepare for the journey south and into our destiny!” Packet scrambles over and picks up the discarded mop, which he realizes too late is not a mop at all but instead a stick with dirty socks tied to the end. The horror.
”Now, WE be heroes!”
Forcing a smile, Packet raises the dirty socks into the air, and gives them a rousing shake!
The goblins go wild at Pip's words! YES! HEROES! WE BE HEROES!
A single tear rolls down Zusgut's cheek, so happy he is to see his work performed with such enthusiasm.
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Shwurk sees that her last line reading went over well and decides to double down on this one. The businessgoblins take risks! "And I will compose a ware song to fill our hearths with quality products!"
Ogren gives an involuntary groan over the terrible terrible product placement.
He stands to the side as everyone cheers, wanting to join in but realizing he has the one roll that doesn't get to participate.
Pip — Complete
Packet — Complete
Gurmire — Complete
Orgren — Complete
Schwurk — Needed
Lirabelle — Needed
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The audience gives you a standing ovation! Goblins show their gratitude and appreciation by throwing dead flowers at you. Some of the roses are on fire… but that just means they love you even more.
The applause lasts for three curtain calls and constant chanting of WE BE HEROES! WE BE HEROES! until the place seems like it might break out into a sheer riot. Zusgut finally walks out from behind the moldy curtain, slowly clapping and beckoning his people for silence.
Well. That was quite the show!
Ogren, you have distilled the quintessence of that helplessly quivering Longshanks Paladin perfectly! It was just as I wrote, so it must be true.
Packet, you have done well to use a kingly voice such as my own, but sitting on a minimalist prop so as not to overshadow the playwright's own throne. Minimalism is in in the community theater, you know.
Pip, I am glad that your wolf isn't a dog. Ferocious! Your sense of timing is impeccable and your improvised words spoke to the play's very soul! I'll try to remember to credit you in the footnotes, but you know how busy us writers are…
Gurmire, your pantomime, ear-pulling, and hopping were excellent! Movement and physicality is an important part of the theater, and too many forget it.
Lirabelle, you have captured the spirit of Crimsi! If you would, sign and leave that blue-knit crossbow covering for Crimsi when she returns… she would love a keepsake of the performance she missed.
Shwurk, this "product placement" is a novel concept. I wonder if more productions could use it in their shows to make some extra cash…
Zusgut strides slowly back to his throne, which has been wheeled out to center stage by goblin stagehands. He sits on it, and a golden spotlight shines down upon him.
He looks deeply thoughtful. Some Goblins in the audience begin wandering off. But now it’s time for the tough decision. The king pauses dramatically, and from somewhere nearby, a goblin beats a drum in a rhythm reminiscent of a heartbeat.
It’s a difficult choice — heavy is the head that wears the crown.
Zusgut breathes deeply, drawing out the moment. But I have to say that one performance…
He pauses as the drum continues to beat. Rose above the other.
Another pause. Today, the winner is…
He stops again, and now the goblins are all paying close attention.
A cheer swells at his words as if the mercenaries' pathetic showing stood any realistic chance — whether many goblins in the audience already forgot about the other performance, or simply relish some manufactured drama, who can say?
One thing is certain: the spotlight is shining on Zusgut and you are in the dim shadows again. He smiles, glowing in the warm light.
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"Thank you, Zusgut!" Pip bows. "And thanks as well to our esteemed competition, the longshank mercenaries!" She walks over to the longshanks and holds out her hand to shake. "You look like a hearty crew. Have you considered becoming Pathfinders? There's great benefits and tons of opportunities for exploration."
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Ogren jumps off the blocks and then shimmies backwards out of the armor before giving the height enhancing blocks a long look and jumping back on them. Turning a deeper shade of green at the kings lavish praise, he gives a small bow and sheepishly says, "Thank-you my sire."
The little goblin then watches the following announcement with bated breath, getting caught up in the melodrama. He forgets his manners for a second and gives a cheer with everyone else. "We won! I was worried there!"
"Thank you, Zusgut!" Pip bows. "And thanks as well to our esteemed competition, the longshank mercenaries!" She walks over to the longshanks and holds out her hand to shake. "You look like a hearty crew. Have you considered becoming Pathfinders? There's great benefits and tons of opportunities for exploration."
** spoiler omitted **
For the most part, they give Pip a dirty look and slink off! However, time will tell if her words are persuasive… perhaps she planted a seed of doubt in a mind or two. Time will tell!
Zusgut leans down, looking at Packet. The spotlight turns blood-red!
Yes. You seek… The goblins in the audience yammer with fear.
I will tell you, Brave Actors. Far below, in a flooded wasteland where an ancient battle took place, lies a dark cave newly-opened by the mysterious earthquakes. To this place, you must travel! There lies THE BEAST BELOW!
It is very, very big, has a giant mouth, sharp teeth, and is green. Go now, Actors, with the Crookedtoes' blessing! The goblin audience cheers — they believe in you!
He points greeble'd "scepter" offstage, past the dressing room to a set of stairs. They lead down to the theater's basement.
The wooden stairs connecting the main floor and basement are slick and saturated with water. The walls are covered in algae and the ceiling is coated with a fungus that hangs down like corpse hair. The basement is full of old props that lie rotting: decomposing wooden swords, broken chariot axles, soggy costuming, and sagging scrims of battle-scenes splattered with black mold. It looks like one of the last productions here must have been a military-themed opera. This disgusting old basement must be the "flooded wasteland where an ancient battle took place." How dramatic!
Small crustaceans and numerous insects occasionally peek from the detritus or scramble into cracks or the shallow pools on the floor. The smell of rot and saltwater hangs damply in the air.
To the west, a section of the brick wall has been smashed. While a quake might have pushed it further open, it is clear the goblins are also down here "exploring." This is the "dark cave" Zusgut mentioned in another fit of poetic license.
It leads downward to the "beast below" — and to the mysterious and ancient places below the Puddles District that Drandle Dreng asked you to explore!
Gurmire considers the crustaceans and the smell of saltwater. He remembers Dreng mentioning flooding. It looks like this whole room fills with saltwater periodically… all the way up to the ceiling… which means that anywhere below this room will also fill with water. Anyone caught down there at high tide would be hopelessly trapped inside and drown.
Luckily it's low tide right now, and Gurmire thinks you have about 6 hours (give or take) to explore and get out again before you drown.
Shwurk's songs echo in the darkness. It will be impossible to get the jump on anyone, but that's ok.
You enter an ancient sewer system — luckily, the seawater flooding has long ago washed away any filth and now the stone is merely covered with barnacles and the like.
You hear hissing ahead, over the advertisement. Somehow you get the jump on your enemy.
The Beast Below — Bold may act!
Packet
Shwurk
Ogren
Pip
Lirabelle
Very Green, Very Big, Very Sharp Teeth
Very Green, Very Big, Very Sharp Teeth
Gurmire, Scout, Perception