GM RePete: We Be Goblins Series (Inactive)

Game Master RePete

Oops, sorry, I seem to have missed that it was my turn! Thanks for botting me.

Alarmed to see himself surrounded by the crazed bride and groom, Mogmurch deftly steps to the side and tosses yet another flask of alchemical fire at Pink.

5' step, draw alchemist's fire, throw alchemist's fire

ranged touch: 1d20 + 2 + 1 ⇒ (4) + 2 + 1 = 7 Yeesh
fire dmg: 1d6 ⇒ 4
miss square, 1 is closest to me: 1d8 ⇒ 8 Red, Pink, and Mogmurch all take 1 fire dmg from the splash - noted with a red star

However, he once again fumbles with the flask, showing no signs at all of what a famed and feared alchemist he will one day become, and drops it right in front of himself and the two bridezillas, mildly singeing each of them. "Take that, longshank wedding monsters!"

Incidentally, I picked up a light wooden shield earlier but I'm not sure whether or not Mogmurch has shield proficiency? If he does he would also wield it, which would increase his AC by 1 to 15.

@Chuffy: Yes you can. Call it a move action to grab the cake and moved you 30ft (with said cake) towards the bride/groom
Nord will try to bite at you as you take the tasty cake away

Squirming out of the cake, Chuffy scowls at the beast. Snagging the delicious mound, he takes off running! Annoyed, the piglet snaps at the air where the cake...and Chuffy once stood.

Botting Reta

Moving closer to the fight, Reta fires another arrow...falling short again.

Poog steps away and chucks a vial at the man. It explodes in a ball of fire as it connects with the foe!

Meanwhile, the supposed fire specialist steps out of the line of fire again and lets go of his vial prematurely. Just as it seems it may land on him, a gust of wind blows it a few feet away. The following explosion scalds all the at once.

Pressing the advantage against Mogmurch, the newly-wed-to-be's sidestep and try to punch him. While the enraged bride plants a solid hit on his chin, the grooms blow again goes wide.

Stepping forward, the man swings his blade again for Poog's skull. The blade catches the goblins ear and rips it wide open!

Nord chases after the fleeing cake and take another bite. (Made the cake smaller to show it's being eaten slowly)

Round 3

Poog (-3)
Mogmurch (-5)
Winnius & Wellma (Pink: -3)(Red: -1)
Corpule & Nord (Nord, -1)(Corpule: -5)

All Goblins Up

"GET AWAY! MINE! MINE!" Chuffy screams as he flees the pig. Unfortunately for Chuffy, his escape route is right into the couple! As the little goblin runs, he trips over an exuberant root, sending the cake flying into Wellma. Raging, tear-filled eyes, he screams bloody murder at the longshanks who would dare take his sweetness away from him.
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Dirty Trick (Charge) vs Red: 1d20 - 2 + 2 ⇒ (13) - 2 + 2 = 13
Charge Red with Dirty Trick. Provokes form Nord with movement and provokes from Red with Dirty Trick since I don't have Improved Dirty Trick.

Additional fire damage: 1d6 ⇒ 4

His action depends if the enemy is up or down.

Mogmurch shrieks with dismay, considers running away, and then steps 5' and throws yet another flask of alchemical fire. Target is whichever of the two is more damaged at this point, unless one has been affected by dirty trick, in which case the target is the other (non-dirty tricked) one.

ranged touch: 1d20 + 2 + 1 ⇒ (9) + 2 + 1 = 12
fire dmg: 1d6 ⇒ 3

Poog, supremely confident that his burned enemy is just barely hanging along, steps in and swings his club at the idiot longshank's kneecaps, "DIE YOU DUMB BIG &*^(*(^*ing &*&%($*&!!"

Melee club + Goblin Bravery: 1d20 - 1 + 1 ⇒ (19) - 1 + 1 = 19 for Bludgeoning: 1d4 - 2 ⇒ (4) - 2 = 2

Reta continues stumbling forward, her desire for the bride's dress and veil overwhelming the abilities of her body to keep up. She catches her feet in the chairs, nearly tripping, and her arrows fly awry in every direction. "MIIIIIIIIINE!!!!" she continues to yell.

As the cake-covered goblin stumbles forward, Nord desperately tries to get a bite and the groom flails wildly. Thick globs of frosting covers the man's eyes. Assuming you were going for blind?

Reta continues firing warning shots as she shrieks as the bride.

Near the barn, the burning man whimpers as Poog whacks him upside the head for good measure. And Mogmurch finally manages to land a blow! The blinded man bursts into flames.

As the flames burn away the frosty bits, Winnius drops to the ground, shrieking and begins to roll around. His bride to be slides over and swings at the fire goblin again...missing her foe.

Looking from Chuffy, to the prone figure, the piglet hesitates a moment. Deciding the cake is easier to reach on the ground, it charges forward. Taking a bite out of the remaining cake, bloody skin peels off with it.
If desired and armed, Chuffy can take an AoO vs the piggy

With a manly squeal of panic, Corpule turns about face and takes off running!
Poog can take an AoO
Even if Poog misses AC 13: 3 fire damage will drop him

Round 4

Chuffy
Reta

Poog (-3)
Mogmurch (-6)
Winnius & Wellma (Pink: -3)(Red: -6, Prone)
Corpule & Nord (Nord, -1)(Corpule: -11, on fire)

All Goblins Up

Reta continues moving forward, her eyes on one target only. Another arrow flies as her yells become almost incoherent. "MINMINMINMINMINMINMIIIIIIIIINE!!!"

Poog cackles with glee as his flaming victim flees into the barn, "BURN BURN BUUUUUUUUURN!!!!" He then wanders over to see if his fellow goblins are all dead so he can claim victory (aka being alive still) in his name only.

Double Move

He is disappointed, but there is still hope!

Unarmed, Chuffy flinches as the pig charges past him, squeezing his eyes shut. When nothing painful happens, he takes a peek, finding the pig has instead gone for the cake! Wheeling on the prone man, he begins to scream. "YOU RUIN CHUFFY'S SWEETNESS! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Pulling his dogslicer, he takes a stab at the man.
________
Dogslicer vs Red (Prone): 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (20) + 4 = 241d3 - 1 ⇒ (2) - 1 = 1 lol
Confirm?: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (15) + 4 = 191d3 - 1 ⇒ (1) - 1 = 0 I think I topped myself as far as the lamest crit goes! XD
Yeah, sorry GM, blind was my intention!

Mogmurch feels a bit woozy but steps back 5' and throws yet another flask of fire at his nemesis, the Pink groom.

ranged touch: 1d20 + 2 + 1 ⇒ (10) + 2 + 1 = 13
fire dmg: 1d6 ⇒ 6
Assuming that hits, they catch fire and take another 1d6 fire dmg on their turn. DC 15 Reflex to put out the fire as a full round action.

Chuffy somehow manages to plunge the hilt of his blade into the mans shoulder as Reta finally lands a shot into the bride.

Poog rushes over to inspect the other goblins, disappointed to see them all upright...he is hopeful.

Mogmurch chuchs another ball of fire at the bride (Groom is red) and her dress catches fire!

Bride xtra Fire: 1d6 ⇒ 6
As the flames flare out, she collapses unconscious to the ground. Her groom to be, leaps to his feet and shrieks "Screw this!" Turning, he runs.
Chuffy - you can take an AoO vs Red

Suddenly a woman holding a frying pan and a dog step out onto the front porch, screaming and waving the cookware, she points to Reta.

Round 5

Chuffy
Reta

Poog (-3)
Mogmurch (-6)
Winnius & Wellma (Pink: -17)(Red: -7, Prone) [/s[
[s]Corpule & Nord (Nord, -1) (Corpule: -11)

All Goblins Up

Huffing and puffing, Mogmurch takes advantage of this momentary lull to quaff an adult beverage. Drinking one of the potions of CLW we found earlier

CLW: 1d8 + 1 ⇒ (8) + 1 = 9

Suddenly he feels *excellent*! "What a fine beberage! Some day I should spend some time 'sperimenting so I can learn how to make such things for meself!"

Reta moves to the unconscious body of the bride, where she begins stomping around on the dress and veil to put out the flames.

Poog moves over towards the smaller dog (piggy) that is now the medium sized dog cause the smallest dog is being held by the mean lady and tries to calm it, "there there doggy, nice and happy eating cake. Won't mind me at all riding you. Nope, totally happy now!"

Double Move and he is technically flanking Nord but currently working towards calming the piggy so he can ride it.

Still in a rage over his cake, Chuffy takes the opportunity to stab again at the groom, but the blood already covering his hand causes it to slip right out of his hand. Seeing the pig keep eating the cake, Chuffy does what he can to gobble up any pieces he can snatch from the ground.
________
Dogslicer (AoO) vs Red: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (1) + 4 = 51d3 - 1 ⇒ (1) - 1 = 0
Full-Round eat cake after my AoO. I'll wait for the armed cook and her dog to come to me before getting swarmed!

Chuffy lashes out at the man, but his desire for cake overwhelms his mind. The blade goes wide.

Reta rushes to the dresses aid and quickly stamps out the flames.

Seeing a chance to get a new doggy to ride, Poog scurries towards the piglet and begins to converse with it. Nord grunts appreciatively at the goblin and licks a few bits of cake off the ground.

Downing one of the alcoholic concoctions, Mogmurch feels refreshed and ready to take on the world!

Standing on the front porch, the baker shrieks some rather unlady-like curses at the group in the common tongue. Shaking a frying pan over her head at the group, she points to the woods several times.

The small dog at her side yips loudly.

Neither approach you - both are still on the porch

Round 6

Chuffy
Reta

Poog (-3)
Mogmurch
Nord (Nord, -1)
"Baker" & Dog

All Goblins Up

Poog takes some of the cake and tries to feed it to new bestest doggy, "you good doggy now! Best doggy! Other doggy dumb and dead now!"

Reta quickly picks up the veil and stuffs it under the strap of her pouch; she turns her attention to the crazy woman on the porch.

I get dress later, after I kill the loud woman!

Move to pick up, move to stow.

Not willing to get too close alone (or maybe because his distended belly is so full), Chuffy moves closer to the duo and tosses his dogslicer between his hands. Chuffy not feeling so good...
________
Move 30ft, readied action to attack.

Mogmurch eyes the frying pan greedily, certain that this is an artifact of great power, and that he is its destined owner. The insane woman on the porch must die, and the artifact must be cleansed of her stench!

double move to move closer

Most of the goblins prepare to find the woman, as Poog chats up the piggy.
Nord seems calmed by Poog - Sadly Nord is small (Pig familiar stats) so riding him isn't really an option right now.

The dog bounces off the porch and rushes for Chuffy. While it misses, the cursing woman marches forward and gives him a solid whack across the head.
Remember to make your readied attack Chuffy

Round 7

Poog (-3)
Mogmurch
Nord (Nord, -1)
"Baker" & Dog

All Goblins Up

Poog pats the new doggy on his head, "good doggie! Imma make you big and strong and then have you trample all my enemies! HAHAHAHAHAHA"

With that sorted out, he turns towards the woman and her little dog too, "YOU NO HIT MY MEATSHIELD! AGHHH!!!" He rushes over behind the other goblin and whispers, "Zarongel heal you soon, just no die yet. Gotta give him time."

Double Move to behind Chuffy. I'll heal Chuffy next round, probably.

If Chuffy is ok with taking 1 point of splash damage?

Mogmurch watches the crazed fat lady smack Chuffy with the frying pan and doubles over, laughing uproariously, until it occurs to him that Chuffy may have dented the pan with his stony head. His eyes narrow with hatred at the thought that Chuffy may ruin the wonderful frying pan that is destined for Mogmurch's possession. "Chuffy, don't you hurt my frying pan!"

Quickly, he hurls a swamp gourd (alchemist's fire) at the fat lady, determined to protect the frying pan before it takes any further damage!

ranged touch, first range increment: 1d20 + 2 + 1 ⇒ (19) + 2 + 1 = 22
fire dmg: 1d6 ⇒ 1
Chuffy and the dog both take 1 splash dmg
The fat lady takes another 1d6 fire next round unless she extinguishes the flames

DOG SO FAST! While he barely manages to juke the dog, his panicked stab into it's side completely misses. To add insult to injury, the woman cracks him right over the head! "OWWW OWW OWWWWWIIIEEEE! Why you hurt Chuffy? Chuffy supposed to hurt you!" he whines. His next stab is only marginally better, the pain in his head distracting him entirely too much.
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Dogslicer (Readied) vs Dog: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (7) + 4 = 111d3 - 1 ⇒ (2) - 1 = 1
Dogslicer vs Dog: 1d20 + 4 ⇒ (8) + 4 = 121d3 - 1 ⇒ (3) - 1 = 2
Mogmurch: Light me up!

Reta thought she'd seen Poog talking to--and maybe even petting!--the nearby pig, so she thinks it may be friendly. But she keeps it in the corner of her eye, anyway... no need to take any unnecessary risks! Staying silent, lest she disturb the pig, she lets loose an arrow at the woman's dog.

Chuffy lashes out, just missing the small dog as they descend upon him. Resetting, he tries to cut the puppy again...this time he manages to shave it's back a bit. So close!

Reta shoots an arrow over the puppy...landing a few feet behind. As Poog moves to assist the bleeding goblin.

Mogmurch lands an incendiary device on the woman, blasting fire outward to catch Chuffy and the dog.

Nord leans towards Poog for some more pettings...and realizes the goblin in no longer there. Looking around frantically, it's eyes fall on the yapping puppy and frying pan weilding woman. With a loud snort, he rushes to assist. The woman sidesteps his maw though, cackling loudly.

The puppy bites Chuffy's ankle, sending him to the ground. Giggling, the baker looks down at the fallen goblin and turns to the new target. Raising the instrument high, she smacks Nord upside the head!

Round 8

Poog (-3)
Mogmurch
Nord (-3)
"Baker" (-1) & Dog (-1)

Poog yells at the stupid goblin at his feet, "lazy bum! GET UP AND FIGHT!" He reaches down to grab the unconscious Chuffy and accidentally casts the spell he was planning to do anyway. With a kazap of healing energy, Chuffy is brought back from death. Poog cackles as he realizes what he has done, "LOOK ON MY WORKS AN DESPAIR! Er... also maybe THANK YOU ZARONGEL!"

Then he wanders over to help his new doggie friend.

Heal Chuffy for 1d8 + 1 ⇒ (6) + 1 = 7, Move 20 ft.

Why they all crowd so close together? Much safer to stay back and fire arrows. Reta have to teach them tactics someday. Reta fires another arrow at the little dog, then moves a little closer despite her thoughts.

Mogmurch hurls yet another flask of alchemist's fire, this time at the puppy.

ranged touch, first range increment, shooting into melee: 1d20 + 2 + 1 - 4 ⇒ (5) + 2 + 1 - 4 = 4
fire dmg: 1d6 ⇒ 3
miss direction, 1 closest to Mogmurch: 1d8 ⇒ 8
I believe this means that Mogmurch, the puppy, the baker, and Chuffy all take 1 splash dmg

"Hey, why you move out of the way of my fire!?!"

@GM, reminder that the baker should have taken another 1d6 fire on her turn from the alchemist's fire.

"NOOOOO NOOOOO!" Chuffy screams at Poog. "Chuffy was Goblin Hero God! WHY YOU SAVE CHUFFY?!" Furious with his fellow goblin, Chuffy tries to take it out on the dog with a vicious jab!
________
Dogslicer (Prone) vs Dog: 1d20 + 4 - 4 ⇒ (12) + 4 - 4 = 121d3 - 1 ⇒ (2) - 1 = 1

Baker's extra fire damage: 1d6 ⇒ 4

Keeping her distance, Reta fires another arrow...while skimming the target, she fails to land a meaningful blow.

Poog quickly calls on the power of the almighty Zarongel and infuses Chuffy with healing energies. He then moves to assist the new puppy.

From his position on the ground, Chuffy sees the dog's underbelly is overgrown. With a quick slash, he trims the hair back up.

Forgetting to release the vial of fire, Mogmurch slams it into the ground right in front of him, flames shoot out catching all nearby.
Yep: Mogmurch, Puppy, Baker, Chuffy

As the fires continue to singe at her ankles, the woman shrieks loudly, points at the dog, and takes off running. Her companion follows behind.

Round 9

Chuffy (-3;Prone)
Reta

Round 10

Poog (-3)
Mogmurch (-1)
Nord (-3)
"Baker" (-6) & Dog (-2)

Goblins up. She provokes from Chuffy, Poog, and Nord. Puppy provokes from Chuffy. Combat is over if you let them go

"Let them go"? Not the goblin way!!!

Mogmurch runs after them, (double move) yelling "Hey, that's my frying pan! Give it to me and I'll only kill you once!"

"AAAAAHHH!" Chuffy yells in frustration as all he manages to cut is fur. Knowing he only has one stab left before the duo likely outpaces him, he stabs again at the dog for what is likely the last time. With space to move, Chuffy slowly gets up and takes in the world around him "Now what do?"
________
Dogslicer (Prone) vs Dog: 1d20 + 4 - 4 ⇒ (16) + 4 - 4 = 161d3 - 1 ⇒ (3) - 1 = 2

Reta takes aim one last time, sending an arrow after the fleeing woman and her dog. She then returns to the downed bride, and begins stripping the wedding dress from her limp form, to pair with the veil she'd already claimed.

Swinging his club wildly as the fiendish monstrous very not nice hoo-man runs past, he then calmly puts his club away, grabs the newest doggie and books it outta there. ”Look what I got!!!”

Melee club AoO: 1d20 - 1 ⇒ (11) - 1 = 10 for Bludgeoning: 1d4 - 2 ⇒ (4) - 2 = 2

A good goblin Raid is one you survive, the best is one you actually return with something gained!

Chuffy and Reta manage to find their marks. Chuffy slices a long gash in the puppies undercarriage as Reta's arrow slams into the baker's shoulder.

Poog swings wildly and grabs onto his new friend as Mogmurch chases after the fleeing combatants.

Confident she's made the right call now, the woman continues to flee. Her and the dog run to the far side of the property and leap into the river.

Round 10

Chuffy (-3)
Reta

Round 11

Poog (-3)
Mogmurch (-1)
Nord (-3)
"Baker" (-8) & Dog (-4)

Goblins up. Mogmurch gonna get them before they are too far gone? I'd let a direct hit of fire hurt them as they are on top of the water, but a near miss would sizzle out in the water.

Mogmurch hurries to catch up and lobs another flask of alchemist's fire high into the sky.

ranged touch, 4th range increment: 1d20 + 2 + 1 - 6 ⇒ (13) + 2 + 1 - 6 = 10 I don't think I've used my GM reroll yet.

ranged touch, 4th range increment, stars: 1d20 + 2 + 1 - 6 + 2 ⇒ (16) + 2 + 1 - 6 + 2 = 15
fire dmg: 1d6 ⇒ 2 She takes another 1d6 fire next turn, though probably not due to being by the water? in the water?

"Give me my frying pan and you can run away with your life!"

Poog shrugs to his allies, "I guess he didn't want to go back empty-handed."

As the vial slams into the woman, she doubles over, plunging beneath the waters. Seconds later her plump form begins to bob in the current, face down.

She's dead and the puppy continues to flee Combat over!

The bodies amassed throughout the farm do little more than excite the tribe as proof of a raid well done! ...though...the evil dog did escape. The tribe takes a full week to come through the compound, discovering many useful and remarkable things.

News of your surviving the raid and finding trinkets of your own spreads quickly through the tribe as your reputation grows in leaps and bounds! It's seems like just a few days ago you were young welps locked in a cage...

Congratulations! Scenario completed!