Poog moves over to Mogmurch and uses his CLW wand :
WORST POSSIBLE result!
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Poog rushes over to Mogmurch to tab him with his wand. He heals some minor wounds, but stops Mog's bleeding.
Vorka, also bleeding heavily, slashes at Reeta but misses. The frog also attacks Reeta and his tiny teeth grab deeply into Reeta's flesh. "Don't eat them all alone, Longongue!" Vorka shouts.
Poog
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Vorka -28HP
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Mogmurch unconscious
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Frog -14HP
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Chuffy
Reeta
Chuffy maneuvers into flank on Vorka and attacks with his dogslicer, slicing only air...
Looking at the extent of Mogmurch's wounds, and knowing it will take a LOT of healing to fix them, Poog instead decides to re-join the fight :
+1(Bless) = 4
Yeah, pretty sure that's a miss.
Chuffy, still having flank on Vorka, concentrates his attack on her.
With a toothy grimace, Reta opens her maw wide and belches a final gout of flame at Vorka.
"Yeeeeaaaaahhahahahggghghgghhgh!"
Reta unleashes a maniacal roar of glee as the cannibal's smoldering form crumples to the deck. She turns on Vorka's amphibian protector, dogslicer gleaming in the sun. "Now for toad-kabobs!"
Chuffy high-three's Reta then turns his attention to the toad... his eyes narrow as he considers his next attack, should it even be necessary...
Stepping over Vorka's smoldering body, Poog attacks the frog :
+1(Bless) = 20
Reta 's dogslicer clangs to the deck, as she instead draws her bow and carefully lines up a shot at the retreating frog.
Chuffee searches Vorka's body, makes a little pile of any loot he finds except for shinies... those he keeps in his hand since they are tiny things
He shows any shinies to the others, as well as the pile of other loot. Then he'll start looking around the room as well for more stuff to loot.
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Reeta hits the fleeing frog in the neck and the animal slumps into the mud.
Chuffy moves into Vorka's cabin. The air in this cabin is thick and close, stinking of swamp and sweat, with a thick, glistening layer of mud on the floor and swaths of oily fungus clinging to the walls. Even more dangling decorations of goblin bone and animal-part fetishes hang from the ceiling on lengths of sinew here, and what appears to be a nest made of rags, sticks, mud, and castoff bits of clothing lies against the westernmost wall. But scattered amid the filth and clutter are several exotic-looking man-made objects — including a tantalizing red chest.
The man-things—objects that once belonged to the crew of Kaijitsu’s Star but were left behind when the crew abandoned ship — are certainly worth something. The majority of these objects are filthy and broken, but 10 minutes or so of sorting and scavenging turns up some interesting finds. All of these items (broken and functional alike) are strangely decorative, depicting colorful serpentine dragons, towering cliffs, delicate humanoid figures, and strange pagodas — not that a goblin would know a pagoda from a tool shed. Even the filthy or broken clutter here could be worth about 600 gp to the right collector, but as they are mostly made of bamboo, exotic wood, and in some cases paper, they’re probably more fun to burn.
Among the more obviously valuable objects are 140 gp, a bejeweled silver and jade lantern built to look like a coiled dragon worth 150 gp, a dozen masterwork shuriken, an ivory and gold fan depicting a gecko walking amid cherry blossoms worth 80 gp (the reverse side of this fan has been used by Vorka to draw a crude map of Brinestump, not unlike the one Scribbleface created), a long hairpin with a red pearl at one end worth 150 gp, a wand of create food and water with only 2 charges left, and an elixir of love in a crystal vial shaped like a heart (the vial itself is worth 50 gp).
The red chest is unnlocked, it contains several fireworks. The chest itself is heavy and worth 150 gp, and there were obviously once many more fireworks within (Scribbleface managed to steal many of them by sneaking into this room while Vorka was out hunting), but those that remain should be more than enough to satisfy the chief for at least a few days. The fireworks in the chest consist of 14 Desnan candles, 20 paper candles, and seven skyrockets.
"Ooooh shinies! And fire makers!" Chuffy puts the hairpin in a piercing in one of his ears (since he has no hair), divides up the coins with the others (140/4=35). "Chest be heavy. We take stuffs out? or try move chest through swamp?"
"Ah! Reta knows! Wait here!" With that, Reta ties a rope to the deckrail, then hops over the railing. A while later, she returns lugging what appears to be a bloody horse hide. "To pull shinies!"
"Hmmm... Is Moggy dead? We have any more magic poshuns, or should we give him a burny foonoral?"
"If Poog no heal him, me have poshun. I wonder what it worth to him to use it on him. Maybe he have shiney I could have... " Chuffee grinz at the thought of a new shiney for his collection.
Feeling stingy about the number of charges left in his "precious" wand, Poog grudgingly goes over to Moggy and pokes him with it :
now at -4
"Maybe we camp out here tonight, let Moggy rest. He feel better tomorrow."
With time to spare, Reta decides to search the area, climbing the mast to get a better view of the ship and the area surrounding it.
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Reta climbs up to the rigging. Two rickety wooden platforms — crow’s nests — sit on the masts, ten feet above the ship’s deck below. Each is linked by a pair of thick ropes, and additional ropes hang down from the platform on the stern-most mast to the deck.
Vorka used these platforms now and then, and she has absentmindedly left a few valuables on each. The central platform contains two vials of alchemist’s fire, a half-finished bottle of grog, and three Desnan candles. The stern platform contains a masterwork sling and a dozen sling stones.
Vorka carries five potions, a Desnan candle, a leather armor, a scimitar, and 6 darts.
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You manage to get the fireworks back to your village without using them all or “accidentally” setting them off, you return as heroes. A big feast is given in your honor, and His Mighty Girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad decides the lucky Mogmurch should marry his daughter — the fearsomely corpulent and ferociously lusty Gupy Wartbits. Reta becomes Head Village Watcher, Chuffy becomes Overseer of Village Stabbings and Poog becomes Master of the Pig Pit.
A few weeks pass and you were sent to several adventures before one day while you were out scrounging for more fireworks, adventurers came into the swamp and wiped out your tribe. You returned to your home to find it in ruins.
Now homeless, you have decided to travel to the closest tribe of goblins you know about — the Birdcrunchers. Maybe they’ll have room for you to join! Only, now that you’ve arrived in Birdcruncher territory, something seems wrong. The Birdcrunchers appear unusually nervous and frightened, cowering around the entrance to their cave. They aren’t even trying to defend their territory. And now, a wrinkled old goblin with bulging eyes is waddling out of the crowd, approaching you. She’s obviously some sort of shaman — maybe even the chieftain. If anyone here knows whether or not you can join the tribe, it’d likely be her!
"Birdcrunch Shamma! We be great warriors of Licktoad! We come seeking alliance against the longshanks that attacked our village! We be goblins! You be goblins! We be goblins together, and kill longshanks dead!"
Poog couldn't have said it better himself, so he waits for a response...
Mogmurch grumbles something nasty under his breath. He's not happy about not being able to find The Gorge of Gluttons -- which he'd returned to the Big Chief after their adventure -- and suspects the filthy longshanks who raided their village stole it. He's not happy he snapped his own dogslicer in two while trying to pry open a barrel of goblin pickles the stupid longshanks had left untouched, leaving him with nothing but a club.
And he's definitely not happy about joining up with the obviously inferior Birdcrunchers, about whom the Licktoad tribe forever made ribald jokes. But his suggestion to start their own tribe had not been fruitful.
Even though they were The Great Warriors of Licktoad.
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"Well, well! What have we here? Licktoads, by the look of you, and from what I hear, orphans as well, hmm? Looking for a new place to live, I suspect? Well, you might be in luck, because we need new blood. Our own chieftains have been... lacking... in chieftainish ways. But killing longshanks is not what we want to do now. We’ve been having problems lately with an ogre and his fire-breathing boars, you see, and any goblins capable of killing the boars and driving off the ogre... or driving off the boars and killing the ogre... or... or whatever — well, they’ll not only be welcomed into Birdcruncher territory with open arms. They’ll be made chieftains, one and all!"
With that, the gathered Birdcruncher goblins suddenly animate into cheers and song. Eager and excited, they surge out of the cave to welcome their saviors, but suddenly freeze as the old woman shrieks out a command for silence. The goblins freeze in place, and she continues in a softer voice.
"But we can’t just assume you’re the stuff chieftains are made of. You might just be lucky. No, no... before we accept you as our saviors and before you’ll even have a chance to face off against Pa Munchmeat and his pig... I declare we have a Chieftain Moot!"
"How many chieftains do Birdcruncher have...?" Reta mumbles to herself. Her frown of disappointment fades as the old crone speaks of champions being made chieftain. She had been so close – named Head Village Watcher for her role in the defeat of Vorka the cannibal; fat old Gutwad hadn’t much time left, before the he died and Reta would have been Chieftain of the mighty Licktoad tribe! But now... gone; and yet, another chance laid before her.
She nods approvingly as the old goblin calls for the moot.
"You sure talk muchly," Mogmurch says to the shaman disapprovingly. "Like longshanks."
He leans over conspiratorially and asks Reta, "What means 'chieftain moot?' "
"Birdcrunchers maybe make everyone chieftains... so many they all must have one big moot for all?"
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"Only the bestest will be chieftain! You have to go through three dares, the one with most dots on the board will be chieftain." Wise Mummy answers. "And the chieftain is responsible for the tribe's safety, don't forget!"
At this point, you get to spend a day and a night resting and preparing for the next day’s moot. Most of the Birdcrunchers spend the next day preparing for the moot itself (and they’re unusually secretive, for goblins, about what types of dares and trials they’re readying for you).
That evening, a huge feast is held around the cave’s central bonfire. The feast consists almost entirely of various bird dishes — seagull soup, charred grackle, raven’s-eye pudding, vulture-ups, spicy sparrow poppers, and squeaky beakies are just a portion of the often-challenging dishes presented to you during the night.
As darkness falls, Wise Mummy brings out the fabled Crunchy Crown of the Birdcruncher Tribe — a crown made out of bird skulls and bones and wings and twigs. She places the Crunchy Crown near the bonfire, then proclaims that tomorrow, the Birdcrunchers will have a new chief, and this one will be able to kick that ugly Munchmeat ogre out of Ravenroost. She then reveals that whoever can prove her worth tomorrow at the moot will be granted the right not only to wear the Crunchy Crown, but also the right to loot the Chieftain’s treasure chest. At this, the Birdcrunchers oooh and ahhh appropriately.
A greedy smile adorns Reta’s massive face at the prospect of being named chieftain (and the loot chest to boot!) “Tomorrow, then! Tonight we feast!” she declares, sampling a spicy sparrow popper and eyeing the squeaky beakies. What’s is these? Are tasty?
Chuffee tries various birdcruncher delicacies with some interest, but eats lightly... especially enjoying the spicy sparrow poppers and the raven's-eye pudding.
At the thought of being chief, he shrugs as if not terribly interested in the job, but his eyes light up and sparkle at the idea of looting the Chieftain's treasure.
"Bird and bird, what is bird!" Mogmurch grouses. "Good feast be more than bird bird bird!" Mogmurch's pronouncement doesn't seem to slow down his feasting, however.
Poog doesn't say anything to the others, but he's a little worried about the upcoming trials. He doesn't want to be chief, why should he have to do them?
So instead he focuses his attention on the multitude of choices in the feast before him, and on a lark, decides to eat crow.
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The day after the goblin orphanes' arrival at the Birdcruncher tribe, the goblins are ready and eager to begin the moot. The chieftains-in-waiting must endure three dares — the winner is the goblin who earns the most points across these three dares.
The first dare is called the blind bird shoot. The first dare takes place in a valley to the south of the Birdcrunchers’ cave. You are led to the center of the valley, blindfolded, and given a short bow and three arrows each. The Birdcrunchers clamber into trees or sit on rocks that ring the valley while Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh explains the rules to the blindfolded contestants: "I will release three cages of seagulls over the course of a (goblin) minute, and you must shoot down as many of them as possible. The gulls in the first flock are worth 2 points, those in the second 4 points, and those in the third 6 points, but each consecutive flock is a bit farther away than the previous one, making it more difficult to notice."
This dare is more about luck than accuracy. As the dare begins, a few rounds of relative silence (punctuated now and then by goblin sounds) pass before the first cage is released.
Reta’s senses serve her well, and while she pinpoints the general location of each flock, no arrows find their mark. “Stupid game... Birdcrunchers pick chief on luck, not skill? Reta surprised they not all dead log past.”
Mogmurch turns his head side to side, straining to hear birds flying, or cages opening, or walking, or... anything.
"Bah!" he cries when the test is announced over, flinging the shortbow to the ground and agreeing with Reta. "You get that from longshanks? That be muchly stupid game! Mogmurch not even ever use pointy-stick flinger! Me throw bombs, you see there be no birds left. No birds, no Wise Mummy, no forest, just fire!"
The alchemist's eyes glaze over briefly. "Mmm... fire..."
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Yes!
Miss
Miss
0 points
"Hmph! Stoopid test! Who can hit anything blindfolded! Me either not use this thing before! Me use powerful god-magic!"
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The goblins cheer after Chuffy's performance, one of Chuffy's arrows hits Reta's arm. The crowd cheers and Wise Mummy awards Chuffy another 3 points.
The crowd's excitement fades when they see Reta's arrows travel against them. The first arrow hits a goblin in the front row, resulting in one shriek and a lot of laughter. Wise Mummy awards one additional point for this shot. The second shot is miraculous. It hits an entirely different bird that just happened to fly into the range. Mummy Splrattlehars awards 10 points for this lucky shot. Reta's third shot is an entire miss and earns nothing but jeers and insults.
Mogmurch, maybe still drunk from the cider orgy last night, is not able to see the gulls.
Poog detects two of the birds, but both arrows miss. Both of them flie high, but a gust of wind pins the arrows between the goblins in the crowd.
The second dare takes the contestants and the crowd to the west, where a particularly low valley has subsided into a permanent swamp of nasty standing water. A failed attempt by the Birdcrunchers to build a bunch of huts on stilts left behind a haphazard arrangement of wobbly posts protruding from the boggy ground. The goblins have laid wooden planks across several of these posts, creating narrow bridges that stand 10 feet off the ground.
In this dare, the contestants all begin on the southern shore of the bog and are fitted with wide, clumsy, human boots. A single stirge on a 5-foot-long tether is tied to each of the red posts. The goal of this game is to kill as many stirges as possible (preferably by stomping, which qualifies as an unarmed strike, but any method of stirge killing is allowed) without falling into the swamp below. Any goblin who falls into the swamp before the end of the first round is disqualified.
Chuffy moves out and onto one of the 'bridges', weapon in hand, but stops 10' from the closest stirge