Volner Tain, the Thrice-Damned Disciple

Volner Tain, the Thrice-Damned Disciple
Male Human Lich, Cleric 11/Assassin 4

Description
A devoted follower of Iomedae in life, the once-just cleric Volner Tain lost himself to rage when daemons overran his cathedral, leaving no others alive. Plane shifting to Abaddon, Volner charged the gates of the Cinder Furnace in a one-man crusade to kill as many fiends as possible. He should have died there, righteous in his fury, but the Angel of Desolation had other plans.

Captured and bound atop the citadel, Volner stared out through the Great Beyond and watched the daemons’ craft. He saw innocents butchered in war, peasants starving while nobles feasted, skin-rotting plagues, and everywhere, death.

He called on Iomedae for justice. He prayed to Desna for liberation. He begged Pharasma to take his soul. None answered. Only when, overcome by despair, he pledged service to his captors did the daemons end his life – but not his oath. Binding his soul to a shard of black diamond, the daemons returned him to Golarion to do their work.

A hunched seven feet tall, Volner stares down at the world with eyes like glowing coals in pits of ash. He drapes his withered body in patchwork robes, and countless prayer beads and amulets jangle around his neck. When agitated he babbles mangled prayers to gods both real and imagined – not even he knows which he worships anymore.

Motivations and Goals
Volner’s madness hides a terrible guilt over the monster he’s become. He absolves himself by subjecting others to the same torments he once endured: if the whole world cracks before such evil only hypocrites can call him a fiend. To this end he seeks rituals to summon daemonic hordes or unleash plague and famine, and manipulates nations into senseless battle.

The lich saves his true wrath for those who remind him of his former virtue, but who fail to break when confronted by horror. When he learns of such souls he spares nothing to ruin them utterly: he stalks them first, learning what and who they love, then either tricks his quarry into destroying these things or corrupts them beyond recognition.

Adventure Hooks

• Volner’s blasphemous spells and conjured daemons turn the fields and woodlands of Andoran into wastelands of tumors and blight. The native creatures and fey go mad with pain and attack nearby villages, while starvation forces desperate townsfolk to commit terrible crimes to survive.
  
• Volner has captured seven nobles and dignitaries from rival nations across Golarion. He actually killed the whole lot, but has resurrected them after implanting... something inside each of their skulls. One likely contains the lich’s phylactery, as he harries those who rescue the prisoners no matter how far they flee or how often they strike him down. The others could hold anything from mundane gemstones to scrying beacons to fiendish wasp eggs. Do the PCs convince the aristocrats to die a second time for a mere chance at revenge? Can they avoid starting a war in the process?

Initial Impression: The fallen, damned-by-gods holy man and the mad lich clichés combined. Sheesh; were I the unfortunate in those patchwork robes, I’d run around mumbling to non-existent goods, too!

Concept: I’m not seeing originality here, but I am seeing a potentially vivid (and VERY formidable) villain, presented in a way that interests me.

Execution: The second (seven-dignitaries) adventure hook is great; DM-inspiring meat for a long-running campaign. We get a good, vivid origin story and physical description, but too little about how Volner Tain speaks and acts (when not agitated - - and we don’t even really know what will make him agitated). Yet we DO get his inner motivations, so a DM can readily extrapolate and improvise. Yet I’m left wanting more: is Volner a lucid, clever madman? Gloating, cunning, a schemer? Or too often raving to plan anything for long? Or - - ?

Tilt: So his phylactery is a shard of black diamond? No definite confirming language here, nor anything about “their work” that the daemons returned him to Golarion to do; can he stray from it? Can they “step into his head” to control or manipulate him, or advise him of things they’ve seen (such as approaching PCs or PC tricks and traps) but he hasn’t? Does he consider himself their servant, or is he now unaware that they sent him back? Are Iomedae or any of the other deities he called upon seeking his redemption? Or his destruction? Or to manipulate him in some way? Including some definitive lore about this would have either reduced Volner Tain to one-note villainhood, or made him very interesting (and versatile, in campaign terms, to say nothing of far more formidable) indeed. As it is, the reader is left “on the outside, looking in” at Volner; it’s almost more a monster entry than a villain entry.

Overall: Looking this over, I feel as if the cliché factor and what’s missing should override my interest. Yet as I re-read the entry, I get a vivid mental picture of the lich and my designer’s mind is off and running, thinking of ways I can use Volner Tain, and how great a villain he can be. So the entry succeeds . . . just. My heart is overruling my head here.

Recommendation: Recommended (though in a lukewarm manner, I’m afraid) for advancement.

To me, the strength of the lich-as-big-villain is that he's powerful, old, and patient. The crazed lich loses the "patient" element of that, which lessens the villain's appeal.

Nice background, nice description, but a cliché "wants to tear the world apart so it is ugly like him" motivation.

I like the plot hook with the nobles, though I don't know why the lich would put his own phylactery in a place that wasn't safe (i.e., in the skull of someone who hates you).

Recommendation: lukwarm, awaiting more review
Update: There are other entries that I like better, so I do not recommend this one for advancement.

Initial Impression: Cleric assassin lich. Music to my ears!

Word Count: 499.

Concept (name, title, is it actually a villain?, overall design choices, playability): A
The Good: He is not just an evil lich. He is tortured by his past and his origin story. His madness and guilt are wonderful. It’s hard to do a lich properly. They are so cliché. But his description is excellent and his backstory amazing.

Execution (quality of writing, hook, theme, organization, use of proper format, quality of mandatory content-physical description, motivation/goal, scheme/plot, presence of any disqualification criteria): A+
The Good: The writing is phenomenal and the adventure hooks are off-the-charts good. Each of them is an adventure waiting to happen. The second, in particular, is better than many manuscript pitches I get at 20 times the length.

Tilt (did it grab me?, is it unique and cool?, do I like it?, flavor and setting): A
This grabbed me by the throat and shook me until I cried like a baby.

Overall: A
This is a great high level villain.

Recommendation: I DO recommend this villain submission for advancement.

Jacob brought us the dust of weighty burdens, which was a personal favorite of mine! I wish you luck and sure hope you advance. I think you earned that right with this one!

I'm with Ed and Sean on this one: you are doing good work with cliches, but they are still big cliches. And shoveling extra backstory into the description section didn't improve things for me. There's just too much scenery-chewing here.

The upside is that Volner Tain is at least a lich of plans and plots and movitations. But the purple prose and cliches drag it down for me; I suspect that tendency to excess will not serve you well if you advance to future rounds.

Recommendation: Not recommended.

This is the first villian I read. I liked the name. I love the part about "charging the gates of the Cinder Furnace" and how he wears all the religious trappings. This is a really evil, evil guy which means he's scary but has less personality than some of my favorite villians.

Good luck.

He's okay. He's a cool lich, but strikes me as pretty standard lichdom. The "fallen holy man" is a nice angle, but it's just executed as "destroy everything". Now, if he spent his energy in corrupting other priests...

I love the backstory. Sure, it's not the first time we've seen the "fallen cleric" angle, but you've done a really great job with it. For me, the test is: Would I have fun roleplaying this villain? In this case, the answer is an emphatic "Yes!"

This is the first villain that I immediately envisioned building an entire campaign around. Well done.

CR

Reckless Ratings

Concept4
(Is this villain villainous?)
Content4
(Grammar, Format,Spelling, Etc.)
Coolness3
(Would my players be impressed by this? Am I?)
Credibility4
(Does the villain’s motives make sense?)
Clarity3
(How good a sense of how to stat this villain do we get?)

Scores out of 5 and completely based on my opinion only.
Total Score18

Not horrible, but ya like the few above me very cliche, which takes away from the overall cool idea.

I really like the "make the world ugly like him" angle. Cinematically I can really envision playing this villain and get into his head to move him, which I like a lot. I could easily see using this as a far-reaching villain.

But... I'm rewarding cleverness tonight, and there are other concepts I want to see that are a bit more unique.

The cliche of the former holy man now turned to evil and forced to do it's will is just too big a one for me to swallow. I'd have liked to see him LIKING his new role, rather than always regretting it ... just doesn't do it for me, sorry.

You've tentatively got my vote due to some of the evocative imagery, and the 2nd Adventure Hook, but...

...do better next round.

Yeah, that second hook's pretty groovy.

*frustrated pondering of votes*

Normally you'd have me at the mention of Szuriel in his backstory, and that second plot hook is damn yummy (and similar to one that I've used in a campaign before). There are a couple others I'm bouncing between here, but yours is in the running.

grab: yes
useful: yes

Vote: yes, probably

I like his backstory, it is nice, but i am not sure the concept itself is strong enough to carry the weight of the backstory, which is a pity.

It just feels a little hollow. Sorry.

Malevolent madman. Great hook. Sufficient resilience and prowess to evade a one round death. I appreciate the writing here.

I like it. The backstory is a little overdone, but it's all good stuff. The downside of overdoing it with prose within a word count is the opportunity cost of things you then can't fit in that would have been more useful to make the entry fully well-rounded. If your text is good enough, you can carry through (witness Clark's reaction), but if people aren't buying the flavor then you may be hitting the rocks (Sean & Wolf). A lot of folks, of course, will be somewhere in the middle, like Ed... and like me for that matter.

Cleric/Assassin amuses me because it makes me think of 1st Ed. half-orcs. The adventure hooks are great. We could do with a little more specific motivation than "wants to destroy the world" but in general this is a very solid entry and should see you through to the next round. I think there could have been more but I also know how hard this thing is to do, and I think you did fine. I'd take Wolf's advice and dial back a little bit on the adjectives in future rounds to make room for more nuts and bolts or making sure you've used the whole spice cabinet, not just 5 pounds of oregano.

There have been few entries that have played the insane villain card and this one is the only one that I feel that has really given me a reason behind it. I like that he has been bound to do their evil work but he still has enough freedom to go about it his own way and to punish those who remind him of his past life. The hooks are excellent too. The one thing that bothers me is that I really doubt they would have given him his phylactery.

Yeah, this is approachable. The whole 'gone insane from staring at evil' thing is really tired, but with a good DM this villain would be believable and fun to battle.

I like him hiding the phylactery in an animus - except his obsessive nature about them gives away what he's hiding. Not too clever for the lich.

Good origin story, okay villain. I do agree it's the most compelling of the insane villains.

Overall, I like it. Personally, I would have liked to see a bit more attention drawn to a few details; they really seem like his more interesting parts:

- He still wears his cleric's outfit and prayer beads, and he is troubled by some guilt. He destroys to assuage that guilt, to prove he's no more a monster than anyone else who's gone through what he has.
- He is an assassin and will personally stalk victims to learn best how to destroy them. Most other main villains use lackeys or spells for that. But he goes himself, if some pure and virtuous hero catches his attention.

5/10

I liked the setup backstory but then he turned into "generic evil undead guy."

The lich saves his true wrath for those who remind him of his former virtue, but who fail to break when confronted by horror. When he learns of such souls he spares nothing to ruin them utterly: he stalks them first, learning what and who they love, then either tricks his quarry into destroying these things or corrupts them beyond recognition.

ohh this one would hate my Iomedaean Cleric... :P

I really liked Volner and hope it goes tothe next stage, unfortunately I am out of votes and I am unwilling to change them... Volner is good, and covers one aspect that my other 4 choices doesn't... I want to seemore of him.

I'd take Wolf's advice and dial back a little bit on the adjectives in future rounds to make room for more nuts and bolts or making sure you've used the whole spice cabinet, not just 5 pounds of oregano.

Heh, well said. I will endeavor... nay, try! to tune back the overwriting in future rounds. :) I hope the voters will give me a second chance to improve.

Many thanks to the judges and everyone else who's offered feedback. No matter how the vote turns out it's been a great experience.

The "hate what I used to love" thing doesn't seem quite genuine to me, for some reason. I guess I'd be swayed more by a goal to destroy the churches of those gods who did not answer his prayers...

This is the 32nd villain that I have read, and it's turned out to be another madman entry. The backstory given is dramatically tragic but the end result too predictable. If the villain is an insane undead man with a tragic background, then I'm looking for something original to the entry, and I don't think that the details of the way he dresses up, or mutters to himself are quite enough.
The second adventure hook is good - it almost redeems the entry- presumably by the time that he does that the lich is half-hoping that someone will find his phylactery and put him out of his suffering.
The high-level villain without any kind of organisation or minions indicated at all (15 character levels plus the lich template) is not so good, since like a couple of the other high-level villains he is likely to smear most adventuring parties into paste in a personal encounter. Arguably one of his deranged schemes could be thwarted by low-level characters, after he had set one in motion but wandered out of the area, but if the PCs then discover who and what they just thwarted, any sensible ones would want to run and hide rather than risk crossing him again. (Then again, how often are PCs sensible?)

Will this villain cause the PCs grief?
Yes, but unfortunately by likely smearing them into paste.

Edit:
By way of explanation I've finished up by reading Aelfric, Zavanix, and now Volner, who make up at least two and a half fruitcakes between them (and that's assuming that Zavanix gets some benefit of the doubt as to sanity, since Jeffrey specifically states in his entry that the pixie has a specific plan that just looks random) so I'm a little jaded on powerful-but-crazy villains right now.
My current low opinion of Volner may be a result of this, and not an accurate reflection of the merits of the entry.

Rats. Post stolen twice.

OK. You get second "Get Out of My Head" award for having a villain most like the one I was preparing. Fallen good guy and desert druid were my two finalists. If there's a sorceress-bard who kills to stay beautiful and famous forever, I'll start checking my house for bugs.

Tain is most complete villain of the left column to me. He's got flaws, and he could be sexier. Try to remember when you choose an archetypical theme for a villain, it's going to be received as a trope or as a cliche. You need details and charisma to make the difference. You have a lot of origins story - and one that fits well into the Pathfinder setting. But after we get to know him, we're still not in his head, and he desn't stay with us all day as we think of how stoked the PCs will be to get a piece of him.

If I only had one vote, you'd be getting it right now. But remember I feel it's a weak round, and I'm only half through. Here's hoping you make it, but here's also hoping it gets tougher from thispoint forward.

Overall, this is a usable villain that's not completely cliche (as pointed out previously, liches tend to be cool planners more than raving madmen.) In a so far weak round, this one is way better than most entries, but it's not strong enough to instantly grab me. There are a few language issues that just rubbed me the wrong way such as "the once-just cleric". This whole phrase could have been cut.

Also, I'm a little confused by how a cleric of Iomedae got the ranks in disguise and stealth to qualify for assassin. Not that the rules don't allow it, but nothing in Volner's background suggests he was a tricky, stealthy priest. For that matter, I'm not sure what assassin really adds to a cleric/lich. Also, I wasn't aware you could force someone to become a lich. Per the SRD, "The process of becoming a lich is unspeakably evil and can be undertaken only by a willing character." Since this isn't the case with Volner, I'd want to know how this really happened since it's non-standard.

Even with all of these flaws, this entry gives a very playable villain that is quite evocative and has some really cool hooks.

Solid choice for my second vote.

Bonus points for Lich (you can never have enough liches, though any Vampire is one too many...)

Ultimately, the second plot hook and the Cleric/Assassin combo got me. (The latter is nasty enough to cause problems even on his own for a mid-level party and with a bit of support to a higher level one.)

A mad Lich is definately something to be feared as well as unusual to boot. I like the whole idea of him doing crazy things like killing people and forcefully resurrectingly them (somehow) after doing stuff to them to cause more chaos and death.

Now if he could just rid himself of that last trace of humanity with his self-loathing, he'd be a much better...ah, sorry, worse person. He'd have a lot more fun if he just revelled in kicking sand in the faces of Good. (Hell, I know I do...)

Several people have mentioned Liches-as-cold, logical, planners only, but I will riposte with Xycon of Oots fame, who is just as mad - and argueably more evil - and as chaoticially inclined as he comes. I could see Volner (and for that matter, possibly Aelfric the Dream Slayer) acting in a similar sort of manner.

I do like the plots for this character, and think he could have great potential. But I won't vote for him myself, because he's just that little bit over the top, and also because I don't much like liches. His motivations are a bit cliched, too, although that's not necessarily a major problem if the plot surrounding it is good (as to be fair, it may well be, judging from the hooks).

I'm not adverse to seeing this one go through, but it isn't in my top four, and so doesn't get the vote.

Also, I wasn't aware you could force someone to become a lich. Per the SRD, "The process of becoming a lich is unspeakably evil and can be undertaken only by a willing character." Since this isn't the case with Volner, I'd want to know how this really happened since it's non-standard.

I agree. This is one of those "tell us more" moments. Admittedly I don't have as much of a problem with it, since I'm very much a member of the "if it's awesome, to hell with the rules" school of thought. But per the contest and all looking for by the rules design, it's something to address in the future (even if just saying, 'this is an exception because X').

I just realised something about the second plot hook. It's a cool idea, but it doesn't actually work. Per the "bringing back the dead" rules on p. 156 of beta, you can't bring someone back against their will, and a target knows the "A soul knows the name, alignment, and patron deity (if any) of the character attempting to revive it and may refuse to return on that basis." I don't think many of the victims would choose to return if they knew that the dude that just impaled them was trying to return them.

Congratulations Jacob on making it to the RPG Superstar Sweet Sixteen. (applause, applause, applause)

Keep up the good work.

Hmmm. Well, well done on making the top 16.

OK, he's damned - but why "Thrice-Damned"?
I was expecting something like "managed to betray the clergy of three different gods - simultaneously"...

OK, he's damned - but why "Thrice-Damned"?

I was expecting something like "managed to betray the clergy of three different gods - simultaneously"...

...He called on Iomedae for justice. He prayed to Desna for liberation. He begged Pharasma to take his soul. None answered...

In this case 'damned' is supposed to equate to abandoned, I think, only 'damned' reads so much better in a snappy title for a villain...