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I know we don't really interact allot Kjel, but the fact that even in your dark hours you care that others may need support more proves to me that you also deserve that support just as much.
Hang in there man, lady drink may not be my monkey, but we all got one somewhere, hanging off us and making trouble. Don't sell yourself short, and we all deserve a bit of The Light, you included.
(Ok, we talked about being inside my brain Cap...but, good advise regardless :) )
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I know we don't really interact allot Kjel, but the fact that even in your dark hours you care that others may need support more proves to me that you also deserve that support just as much.
Hang in there man, lady drink may not be my monkey, but we all got one somewhere, hanging off us and making trouble. Don't sell yourself short, and we all deserve a bit of The Light, you included.
(Ok, we talked about being inside my brain Cap...but, good advise regardless :) )
That I shouldn't wreck up the place and clear the browser history before you get back.
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C'mon you deserve it! We all deserve it, don't sell yourself short.
We all have vices or hangups we deal with. The trick is to try to be positive when dealing with them. Or some other positive cliche.
Perhaps, I should be a life coach...
This thing is correct!
We're all here to help our friends!
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...I learned that friendly spoiled rich kids are still spoiled rich kids...
Hey! I resent that! I'm not a kid!
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...I learned that friendly spoiled rich kids are still spoiled rich kids...Hey! I resent that! I'm not a kid!
. . . . I think the point is arguable . . . .
:D
But I was not speaking about you. I'd text you to your face if I had anything like that to type! Which I don't.
So there!
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As for my drinking...she's a harsh mistress, one that I've never really been able to tame.
Its been going on and off around 12-13 years now. In the good periods, I've been able to push beyond it and limit it to a bottle of wine or two and a couple of glasses of liquor in the weekends. Unfortunately as soon as things turn south, my drinking increases until I get to the several glasses of hard liquor everyday.
While it might sound like me, waxing lyrically about alcohol, its more of tired sad commentary on the fact, that alcohol has been the a life partner, for me, for longer then most of my friendships and far longer then any relationship with the opposite sex.
Speaking as the board's obligatory recovering alcoholic (78 days sober as of today), the best advice I can give you here is: You are NOT alone.
I, too, was an alcoholic for 11-12 years. At first, it was the same thing: I'd have 1-2 glasses of wine after dinner. On Fridays I'd have a rum & coke. Then I started hanging out with very annoying people. The rum & coke became 2. And so on, and so forth, and forever.
So keep a log of your sobriety. Post it here. You would be amazed how supportive this crowd is, and how much that peer pressure can help. Quitting is almost impossible. The first couple of weeks are brutal. Then come the cravings every week or two. But once you get past the first month, it gets MUCH easier, and you can stand tall and proud and say, "I am a recovering alcoholic!"
I started recovering because I realized I could no longer remember my kids' childhoods. That really alarmed/depressed/devastated me. But with mental training every night (the NYT crossword and a hard Sudoku) and a focus on no alcohol, it seems that every day I'm remembering something new about my kids. And OMG I can't tell you how rewarding that is.
Feel free to PM me or start a "recovering alcoholics" thread. I'll be there, and I'll help with what advice I can. The best advice: Tell EVERYONE. On my first and most-successful quitting attempt, I made it 289 days before my mother-in-law and wife insisted that I drink a single glass of champagne at my stepfather-in-law's funeral "to avoid making a scene". Cue another year of insobriety. So tell everyone you CANNOT drink, even a single shot, and you'd be amazed how supportive everyone is. Heck, I opened a $1200 bottle of scotch and distributed it around a restaurant, and just told the staff and my friends, "Sorry. Alcoholic. Can't drink it," and they were ALL very supportive.
People are good if you give them half a chance.
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This is something that helps me in some dark times so I will put it here
"Sometimes in our lives
We all have pain, we all have sorrow.
But if we are wise,
We know that there's always tomorrow.
Lean on me when you're not strong
I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
'Til I'm gonna need somebody to lean on."
Last time I posted it on the boards, it was for John N and now here he is, helping people. I guess we do know how the circle of Light turns :-)
Kjeldorn, it is not yours to decide that you are not worthy of help. The good people here have decided that you do and that is enough for me. And do not try that "But others suffer greater financial plights" angle. There is no scale for pain and suffering
The plan is for all people to get better and happier. This includes you too and I am not sorry about that :-)
Also what NH said ;-)
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Great! Now I'm going to have that song in my head all day/week/month.
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One of the worst aspects of depression/addiction is the self-flagellation and thinking how unique you are for being so terrible.
Nobody'sHome has it: there are more people than you can imagine on these boards who are in recovery. We're here to stand with you, arms around your shoulders to keep you moving forward, no matter how faltering your footsteps.
And to NH
Oh.my.god. Sometimes the people around you are harder to deal with than your addiction. Asking someone to go against their own best interest to "avoid making a scene"!
I can't tell you how many times I've been asked to stuff down my own feelings so that other people's feelings don't get hurt. That's just plain cruel.
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And to add to that there are those here who have people close to them who suffer clinical depression as well. In my case, my older sister and my boss (a friend I have known almost my entire life). We are just letting you know, Kjeldorn, that we are here if you need us: as sounding boards, support mechanism, whatever.
When it gets difficult, spread the weight around. We all do it for each other and we'll get through things better.
I hope you feel better soon!
:)
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One of the worst aspects of depression/addiction is the self-flagellation and thinking how unique you are for being so terrible.
The rest of your post was super-true, but this is especially worth mentioning again.
Guilt can be a powerful tool when it motivates you to do and be better.
When, however, it turns to that overriding shame that crushes you and makes you think you deserve wherever you are, it's no longer a useful tool - it's become something self-destructive and needs to be excised immediately: yes, there's a problem, and it needs to be acknowledged so something can be done about it; but you don't deserve to stay there for it - you deserve to work hard and get better.
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How does that saying go...
Together we rise (we don't need the other bit, not applicable here...says I)
My wife has anxiety disorder...I have seasonal depression (yeah I know, Kid stuff on my end) but just goes to show, many more folks are in a similar place than it may seem. We do understand, we do care.
"When you can't run, you crawl, and when you can't crawl - when you can't do that...you find someone to carry you"
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This summer I learned that whom ever remodeled the kitchen and bathroom in my house had negative ranks in plumbing. They Frankenstein'd a sink j bend into the piping for the tub, a metal j bend into PVC without a gorram seal on one end (because there was nowhere to put one, fracking BRILLIANT!).
End result, now I have to rip out most of my kitchen and bathroom, all because some Tim "The Tool Man" Taylor wanna be decided he knew how to "make it work."
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About alcohol:
It is an insidious and very unique drug. See, it is a tiny molecule, unlike many of the others. It goes through your blood brain barrier because of that and its polarity. Thus, you can get drunk from it. But worse: Since it is a liquid at room temperature, and easily forms an aerosol, it gets difficult to get away from.
See, when you drink (this is a simplified version), the alcohol receptors on your neurons trigger the complex reaction that comes down to being drunk. AND, the receptors get a bit more sluggish, so you need more alcohol next time. You also get more of them, and you start getting abstinence when you don't drink.
Then you stop drinking. The receptors start signaling a lack of alcohol. Abstinence. But it slowly grows less awful. Give it some weeks, and it is mostly manageable. The longer you go, the less it affects you. The receptors go dormant, and even though there are still a lot of them, you can be at peace as a recovering alcoholic.
But. One day you happen into a bar, or some other place where alcohol is drunk. Or you taste some. Or you clean your hands with alcohol based desinfectant. And you inhale the areosol, the fine alcohol mist. And it goes into your blood in tiny amounts, and it hits your dormant receptors. They wake up, and it's back to square one again.
TL;DR: Don't be anywhere near alcohol as a recovering alcoholic.
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remodel was done possibly 20-30+ years before I bought the place, though by the power of records and the internet, I could maybe find out, though the home owner may well have been the one to do the "piss poor and back ass-ward job" but figuring out which one might be tough, been a goodly number of owners before me, she (the house) was built in 1929 after all.
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I... I didn't think I made Beernorg's house...
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You should see me build.
My wife has generously described it as "Like something from a Doctor Suess book".
Admittedly he had some great ideas.
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I think you are safe Tac, I doubt you are quite that old to have been a residential builder in ol' 1929...unless...
Construction lich...?
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Dang it! Lichdom is once again denied me by sheer technicality!
>:I
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I've always suspected that Tacticslion might secretly be CHRONO-BRICKIE.
I... don't know what that is, and am afraid to Google it, as my children are nearby...
>.>
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Unless it's high grade time traveling Lego porn you're probably alright.
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I think that is the fear Cap...
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Brickie = bricklayer.
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Those guys have it easy.
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Brickie = bricklayer.
Time traveling bricklayer porn then, I'm game as long as they're girls.
"Would you like me to shellack that for you" she said, suggestively.
"As long as you spread it evenly, otherwise we'll have to come back and do it over" he said, completely oblivious.
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Well, the craptacular shoddiness of the average Florida construction crew is legendary. Maybe he's only denying he's a lunch to throw us off the scent...
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If that means that I'm in charge of the time-bricks that hold up reality, we're all in biiiiiiiiig big trouble...
>.>
completely oblivious.
This is me. Like, all the daggum time.
I know for a fact that I've had girls rather shamelessly flirt with me that went entirely unrecognized until, years later, I'm watching some show or something where people are doing something similar and I'm thinking about how dense the guy has to be for not noticing, and suddenly I have a flashback to when someone did the exact same thing to me and I didn't notice.
Or that one time I was praying outside of a mission outreach and a street walker kept soliciting me and I had no idea.
*I'm praying and reading some Bible scriptures; there is a woman standing at a streetlight nearby; I'd greeted her, but then mostly ignored her, as I didn't have any particular thing to discuss at the time*
SW: "You wanna guurrrrrlfreyan'?"
Me: "Uh, well, that's flattering, but I have a fiance."
SW: "I'm not askin' if ya wanna git married, I wanna know if ya wanna girlfrien'?"
Me: "What? I'm sorry, but... as I explained, I'm engaged. I have a fiance."
SW: "That don't- you- how- ... you work for the popo?"
Me: "The... what? Look, are you okay?"
SW: "Yeah, I'm fine, I jus' wanna know if ya wanna girl-frien-d."
Me: "I... am sorry, but no. As noted, I am engaged - that means I have a fiance. She is, in fact, also my girlfriend. It's a really awesome relationship. Is... is that not true for you? Are you in a relationship that isn-"
SW (angry): "Nevermind!"
Me (confused): "Uh... okay."
*after some awkward silence, later, while I read the Bible and pray by the streetlight, waiting for the shelter to open*
Me: "M'am, are you waiting on the shelter to open?"
SW: "Wha- ... no."
Me: "Okay. Are you doing okay? You've been here for a while, and, while I'm waiting for the mission to open, you don't seem to be."
SW: "No. I'm fine."
Me: "Okay. Say, do you know Jesus?"
SW (long pause, worried look, then): "Er... y-... yeeeeeessss..."
Me: "Okay. Great!"
*more awkward silence*
SW: "You gonna be here all night?"
Me: "Well, at least until the mission opens!"
SW: "****. You plannin' on goin' somewhere instead? Got a car or somethin'?"
Me: "Oh, no m'am. Why? Do you need a ride?"
SW: "What? You gonna call me a cab downtown?"
Me: "Uh... sure, if you need one. Hold on!"
*dial up a cab company*
Me: "Yes, I've a lady here who says she needs a cab ride 'downtown' - can you send someone to come get her?"
SW: "You ****in' serious?"
Me: "Yes?"
Cab Company (on the phone): "Yeah, sure, where?"
*give local details*
SW: "You fo' real?"
Me: "Where do you need to go?"
SW (irritable): "... you mean downtown."
Me (to the phone): "She just says, 'downtown' - yeah, sure, she can give you the directions when you get here. That's fine. Thanks!"
*hang up*
Me: "So they'll be here before too long to help you out!"
SW: "What the **** is wrong with you?"
Me: "I don't know? In what way?"
SW: "You really call'd a cab?!"
Me: "Uh... yeah?"
SW: "You askin' fo' a girlfrien' in exchange?"
Me: "Wait, what? No. That... why would I do that? That's... I don't... I kind of thought we'd covered that? I'm sorry; look: I'm going to be married. I asked a beautiful woman to marry me, and we're waiting until I graduate to do so. Do you want to see a picture or something?"
SW: "Nah, I don' need a picher. You jus' called a cab ta give me a ride home?"
Me: "Well... yeah, of course? You indicated you needed one?"
SW: "..."
*I fill the ensuing awkward silence with talking about Jesus and such; finally...*
Me: "Oh, hey! That's probably the cab, down there!"
*SW begins panicking, then, as the cab is slowly getting closer, a truck pulls over at a corner*
SW (beginning to run): "Uh, fine, whatever, don' need a cab no mo', I see someone I know!"
Me: "Wait, really?"
SW: "Uh, yeah, I totally know those people!"
*breathing heavy, she leans on the truck, the cab car stops, she talks to someone, the door opens, she leaps, desperately, into the truck*
Me (to cabby): "Uh... it looks like she found a ride with someone she knows?"
Cabby: "You ****in' me, kid?"
Me: "... nnnnnnoooooo...?"
Cabby: "You seriously called a cab for-"
*he's angry for a moment, then he looks at me, and the now-missing truck - as it had sped away quite quickly - and begins chuckling and shaking his head; after some clarification, he eventually drives off, after declining to charge me for anything*
*I later explain this to the guy that runs the shelter, and he laughed, until he realized I was serious, and just patted me on the back, and then had me lead the ministry lesson that day*
EDIT: This was the super-short version, by the way. There was actually a lot more to this conversation, but most of it involved asking me if I needed a girlfriend and me explaining that I already had one - my fiance. It was really weird.
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Nice shirt, cap!
Well, the craptacular shoddiness of the average Florida construction crew is legendary. Maybe he's only denying he's a lunch to throw us off the scent...
Wait, who's a lunch?
Speaking of terrible construction - I just found a whoooooole lot of cracks in the side of my house when I was spraying for bugs today. They're not big cracks, but I don't like that they're present at all. >:/
Then, of course, I found a hole in my wall with the cords for my cable tv - the cable tv that I don't have. It's entirely unsealed and the cords are just sitting in there. I sprayed for bugs, but... what the heck?! BLARG.
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Kjeldorn,
Please, don't be shy in accepting our support - it is what we can do, even without knowing you in person, beyond what we see on these boards. If ever only the one person suffering the most would 'deserve' support and recognition, this world would be without empathy or hope.
Depression is a sickness, a disease not reliant on whatever life throws at us to swallow - you can seemingly live the easiest, fullest life ever and still slide into the dark reaches of the mind this disease creates.
Talking about it, even on these boards requires courage not everyone can muster. I know I took a long time before telling anybody about my depression, and then it was a close friend who I knew suffered from it, too. It took more time after that until I started entrusting other people with my condition.
That you talked, that you reached out for help with your therapist is the anchor you need and need to use. Try to focus on that when your depression tries to convince you to suffer in silence or to forego an appointment with your therapist.
Talking about your drinking problem is at least as imprtant a step. Alkoholism is, like many addictions not connected to illegal substances pretty good in covering up itself. It is all to easy to convive oneself that there is no problem, that it isn't an addiction/disease. Talking about it helps to keep it real, to confront the problem and keep it in check. Try to inform people in your offline life about it - if you can. That will help you avoiding drinking with friends / family and remind you what you need to fight.
I wish you well and will be here, listening to you if you want to talk.
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feytharn has the right of it, too!
To Kjeldorn, and literally everyone else out there: it takes courage, but it's worth it. You're worth it.
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I took a nap.
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I took LOTS of naps.
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What a cute thread :3
I decided to right a book. I started thinking about how to spread the work load out and how much work I needed to do the achieve this. I considered that according to phineas and ferb I had 104 days, if I wrote 1000 words everyday the book would be longer than I intended so I decided I'd write 3/4 days.
As the summer draws to the close I've found that 1000 words a day was unrealistic in the extreme. My book is only about 17,000 words long so far and chapter 3 is wank.
I've also realised that I'm basically a less creative version of Terry Pratchet with a narrower vocabulary. Although to be fair to myself(something I'm given to understand is a good idea to try to do) most people are less creative than Terry and most people have a narrower vocabulary.
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I wanted to be a writer since I was 13. And now that I'm an (alleged) adult a few years ago I gave it a serious try. I discovered one very important thing; I can't write. I've never read Terry Pratchet but have a very large vocabulary and a thesaurus as back up, but writing makes me so depressed I get sick physically. As much as I'd like to write (I have hundreds of short, pulp era type stories in my head) I just can't do it.
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17000 words is not bad. Go, CD, go! Keep at it. Considering the vocabulary and writing quality of people that DO get published, precisely everyone can do it. Get a copy of 50 Shades of Grey if you don't believe me.
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Or Twilight.
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I learned a lot about the birds in my neighborhood.
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@Cal :( that sucks, I quite enjoy writing (I did a degree in English lit so I'm used to writing a decent amount) I just find pulling myself away from family and forums and video games to actually write something slightly tricky.
Fortunately I have found I can generally see what is wank and what isn't when I read things over again.
@Sissyl thankies I actually discovered this thread stalking you >.> .. or something less creepy.
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Just roll with the creepy Chromantic...let the creepy happen....
own.....the.....creepy..... ;)
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I saw a cousin I haven't seen in over twenty years.
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I was contacted by a cousin I haven't seen since sometime in the late 70s. We've yet to call one another yet, but he found me on FB so it's a start.
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I twice nearly initiated a friends with benefits style arrangement
which is still on the cards.
How I feel about this is unclear.
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We celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary.