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This skull-shaped edifice stinks of human misery. Corpselight Feedlot 477 serves as a human cattle farm for the undead of Geb.
Chattel Squares: Creatures automatically take 1d6 nonlethal damage each round. Each round the chattel grapple with a +5 CMB. They attempt to pin successfully grappled opponents in subsequent rounds.
Brian! Welcome back to the mapping round! It's everybody's favorite skill to put to the test, right? I can hear groaning from somewhere, I'm sure. Before I get into assessing your work this round, I'm making it a point to highlight for the voting public what they should be looking for in these map submissions. While some competitors will likely have access to snazzy computer software to produce a map that's almost ready for publication from the get-go, this isn't Cartography Superstar (though it'd be cool if that was ever thing, too, right?). Instead, the goal here is for a designer (someone usually more focused on writing) to pair his vision for adventure and encounter design with the rendering of a map which an actual cartographer can turn into a final map for publication.
That means, the designer needs to get enough into his or her map turnover that the cartographer can make sweet, sweet magic with it. And, believe me, there's nothing more amazing than envisioning a cool encounter in your head, writing it up, and then seeing a cartographer produce an amazing piece of mapping art to go alongside it. To make sure the cartographer can do that, you have to be clear with what you've drawn so they can interpret it correctly. If you're not clear, that makes your developer's job harder, as they have to go back in and correct things...consult with you on what those squiggles are meant to represent so they can inform the cartographer...or, in the worst of cases, completely redraw something if what you've given them is unusable or uninspired.
So, voters! Listen up! Please assess the maps these designers have provided as "first drafts" which a cartographer would then turn into a final map. Look for whether or not all the information is there to inform the encounter or location the designer has given us. Determine if the location would make for cool play at the game table. Rate the creativity behind it all. And, lastly, consider how well the designer used his or her 50 words of additional text to inspire or refine what they've given us. That's what I'll be trying to do in the feedback that follows.
Does the map provide enough information?
Mostly. The compass rose, scale, and legend are all present. We've got some elevation indicators. There are a handful of notes scattered about the map to help explain trouble areas. I'm still not quite sure I understand the flow of movement throughout the facility, though it appears the portcullis control panel and retractable ladders to the overhead trellis and office have a lot to do with it. There's also the feed chutes and the external stairs that lead off to the undead plantations of Geb. And then, there's the swarm of chattel inside this house of horrors. To help matters further, you've provided a three-dimensional side view that's even creepier. So, yeah...way to do this place justice.
Does the map provide a cool setup for a fun encounter?
Yes. Absolutely. It's an undead feedlot with a human cattle farm. Let me say that again. Undead. Feedlot. Human. Cattle farm. On a Geb plantation. This goes a long way in providing some serious character to what that undead-loving nation might be like. Now, imagine what an adventure that included a stop at this place might be like. Moving through the portcullis and up to the second level shouldn't be a piece of cake for anyone. And the threat of all that chattel down below trying to grapple and pin you. Eesh. Don't fall in. Or start running if those portcullises rise when you're not expecting it.
Is the map creative and interesting?
Yes. One of the more creative of the round given the skull shape and 3D side-view. Very inspired and thematically appropriate. It really elevates the piece and gives it some serious character. I think most cartographers would drool over the chance to illustrate this.
Is the designer's extra 50-word commentary inspiring and useful?
Yes. I wasn't completely sure how the chattel areas were going to factor into the mix, but this helps clear it up. Hopefully, the PCs don't have to venture into that swarm-like monstrosity looking for anything.
Final verdict, the premise behind the map is inspired, and the depicted features keep expanding on it. There's still some areas that could use a bit more explanation, and the map legend could have benefited from labeling a few more of the objects appearing inside, but I think most cartographers can roll with it. So, I'll go ahead and say I STRONGLY RECOMMEND this map to advance to the next round. Good luck in the voting, and we'll see what you've can dream up for Round 3.
But that's just my two cents,
--Neil
Hello there! I'll be one of the judges for this round, and I'll be looking at a couple of key points for your map: readability, usability, and how fun this would be to run as GM. For some background, I helped found the Wayfinder fanzine before I started working for Paizo, and have done work as a freelance cartographer.
Readability
It's a little busy at an initial glance, but there's some clear thought into it. Given its structure, I wonder if you actually did the research on how a slaughterhouse works...if so, well done. While I'm normally not a fan of the side profile images, this adds to, rather than detracts from the art.
Usability
This map is for a very specific purpose for a very specific place and really nails how different Geb is. The numeric appellation also gives it that feel, and this place could be re-used for other adventures with some minor modifications.
Fun Factor
It's certainly got an ick factor...and this is the sort of location that's going to stick in the memory for a good long time. Are you aiding the chattel...or the feedlot owners? AoE spells are not your friend here.
Final Thoughts
A good map that manages to capture a part of the world setting very well. I do recommend this map for advancement.
Brian!
That's quite a busy map you've produced. I think it's a good thing, as it gets the point across for what's going on, but it's a little hard to follow the flow of things. One thing that I can't tell is how do the guards or office workers get in? Through one of the loading docks is the only way I can see - which I think is a big problem. You know, the building lacking a way for employees to get in and move around.
I personally LOVE the side-view of the map. I always find it exceptionally useful for anything that's more than one floor, to have some idea what the building looks like at the distance. So, props to you.
This is impressive work, and I look forward to what you put forward in future rounds.
It's an undead feedlot with a human cattle farm. Let me say that again. Undead. Feedlot. Human. Cattle farm.
Yeah, it's awesome.
Love this one. Very memorable, quite readable, thumbs up!
Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9
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Feedlot-CL-477
In Geb, there's a place for the dead
to become what the zombies are fed.
When you walk into here
you will surely know fear
as the zombies reach out for your head!
The name of your map instantly grabbed me! And when I read over what this is all about I was very impressed with what I saw. I'm a little "Meh" about using part of your 50 words to squeeze in something that belongs in encounter text, but that's just a nitpick.
Excellent work!
I have to admit, I wasn't expecting to like this when I read the name. It just feels anachronistic to me. Despite that, you managed to get a good fantasy feel in here.
I tend to like side views with my maps, and yours pays off, I think -- I love the little palm tree. How incongruous.
I like that there's enough open space here to have a good fight -- too often maps are so cramped (especially since a lot of people play with five or six players) that it's hard to move, but there's plenty of available tactical space here.
Ronars -- it looks like there's a door on the bottom right area, I think (the yellow path leads to it). That might be for workers to come and go, though it's not clearly marked.
First of all, congratulations! You made it to round 2! I commend you for being part of this contest. You worked hard and took the risk of putting your ideas out there on display for all to see and critique. I salute you.
I'm no map expert, but I have played and run a few games, and when I look at a map I can tell if it is interesting, if it will be useful/functional in the type of game I'd like to play, and if it's readable. I will judge your entry on those criteria.
I really like this one for a couple of reasons. First of all, this is a far cry from the generic map built of simple geometric rooms and halls. The feedlot's skull shape is interesting and immediately grabs my attention. The creepy description you've provided for the building's sickening purpose holds that attention.
Liz asked if you're aiding the chattel or the owners; I like that it's open to interpretation. Most parties would probably want to free the chattel or help them in some other way, yet an evil group could find themselves here for other reasons.
I'm interested to see what else you have in store for us, so I will probably be voting for you to advance. Well done!
oh dear god this is horrible
...kudos.
Nice choice for a map. I voted for it.
Great map. Including the 'side-view' really hammered home how cool it looks. Once a cartographer got a hold of this, it would be great.
If I saw this place as a player, i couldn't wait to get inside, it really sparks my imagination.
good luck!
It's sort of preposterous, but that's in no way a qualification. Kudos on doing something bold, different, and yes, well-executed. I can definitely see how a cartographer could turn this into something not just good, but striking.
I love the theme, and the fact that the map itself interacts with the PCs. The side view wasn't required, but I actually do feel it was necessary, since I would have had trouble seeing a skull based on the map alone.
This will probably get one of my votes.
Definitely a memorable location. The horror of such a place even existing is enough for that.
The side view is a nice touch, adds to the atmosphere.
I'm not sure I like the flow of it, either for its intended use or for the inevitable combat. It feels a bit too linear in some awkward ways.
The name is a turnoff for me personally. Feels too sci-fi.
Smart use of the 50 word text to talk about the chattel mechanics. Helps us see what you have in mind for the place.
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What. The. Heck.
This is so unnerving. I don't know whether to be awed or nauseated.
The side view was definitely necessary. Whatever reason the players have to come here will surely be memorable.
I’ll start by telling you what I think a good map does. It sparks the imagination of the viewer. It whispers stories of events yet to come and invites a GM to spread their toes in a sandbox of creativity. It presents mysteries that need to be solved and beckons players to open every door, delivering on each area’s promise that more adventure awaits ahead. There are some technical elements that can help.
Is it readable? Yes
Are there multiple choices for the PCs to make? If not, does the map present a path for the action to flow in? Depending on the mission, maybe. The map doesn’t present a lot of choices, but it does have a nice directional flow.
Does the map utilize the space well? Yes
Are the elements presented well thought out and make sense for the environment? Exceedingly! You even included sewage runoff. I’m no expert on slaughterhouses, but it seems that you took extreme care in making sure this place could function. From the guard chambers with prodding poles along a multi-pronged path leading to the pens. You considered that the master of house would want to view new arrivals and made sure there was a clear path from the office to the bars. You have chutes, water tanks, and more. I’m impressed. I want to provide some feedback that isn’t just praise though, so I’ll mention the skull. Why is it a skull? Giant skulls are a tired trope, and while it does fit in the setting, I’m still left wondering if it’s appropriate. I’ve been critical of using recognizable symbols as an integral part of a map before, mostly because they can easily threaten to dominate the design and cause other elements to suffer. If you’re going to use something like a giant skull as the frame around your dungeon, then that dungeon has to work hard to not be less interesting than the skull element. I think you succeeded here, but it is a point worth reiterating.
Is this a map I would like to use more than once? It has a very specific purpose, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t find a reason to visit one of these farms whenever a group of players was near Geb.
So, back to the initial question: does this map spark the imagination? I was looking for a little emaciated Waldo in there but I couldn’t find him. Yes! I want to have my disarmed players herded into one of these pens with no idea of how they’re going to escape. I want them to witness the horrors of feeding time on the plantation. I want to run a role-reversal one-shot where the human chattle escape their pens and the players as undead need to hide in their homes while the humans try to break in to kill them. This place oozes with potential, and other stuff. Seriously, nice attention to detail.
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This is the sort of location Liberty's Edge and Silver Crusade would flock to, to help free the poor souls. The side view really helps explain your greater vision, and makes this place stand out. It would be hard to imagine a group not going here once they found out about it. Well done! I wish you luck, and look forward to seeing what you bring us in the next round!
Star Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9
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My preferred take on this place would be to have PCs there as visiting guests who need to meet an undead who is currently overseeing the whole place. And the chattel, while living sentient beings condemned to an awful fate, are not necessarily good and nice people either. "Do not fall into the pens".
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I can't vote for this
sorry
A very creepy place with many campaign possibilities. It utilizes the source material excellently, showing just how alien and disturbing the society of an undead nation can be.
My first and probably last day to look at maps before voting closes. So here be the short version critique.
Initial reaction: cool!
understandability: +-
visuals: +-
adventurous: +-
inspired: One thing to do here: grapple with chattle. The catwalks will make for interesting encounter before going in, so there is a second thing to do here. The (implied) BBEG room is less than a fireball & begging for spamming. :)
Vote: Competitive maybe
I don't have a long blog-post to connect to for my map round comments, so I'm shooting off the cuff here.
But going to try to comment in three areas for each map. These are totally my opinions, and like with the Item critiques I offered, I think you should feel free to defend your design (AFTER THE ROUND ENDS, DON'T DQ YOURSELF!):
Would it make a good Flip-Mat or Map Pack product?
In a post about Round 2, Owen called these out to be "flip-maps" which in my mind says it could (doesn't need to be) a generic map in either the Flip-Mat or Map Pack lines from Paizo. Would yours?
This is a fairly "specific" place that is mapped out, so it wouldn't likely work well for the "generic" map lines. I can see it possibly fitting in with either City or Town maps.
Is it interesting enough place that I want to play?
Even if it weren't a "generic" map, but also if it is -- is it most importantly a map of a place I would care to play in?
PFW1-K1 posted relevant world information happily.
So, what do I think of it?
Its an evocative place, but as someone points out maybe too much so (do we need to go the the Holocaust-town?). Recent controversies in the "rpg industry" maybe make me more wary than I need to be, but I'm not sure I'd support an adventure based on such a thing, and thus, wouldn't want a map for it. If you don't know to what I am referring, consider yourself blissfully unaware.
Now that the voting round is over, I just want to thank everyone for their support and feedback.
I especially liked the songs and poetry. :) I hope you all enjoy next round's offering as well.
So I gotta ask, why this type of place?
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So I gotta ask, why this type of place?
I feel Geb is an interesting, under-explored corner of Golarion. I would also like to point out, I did not invent this concept. It pre-existed in Golarion, I just mapped it.
I personally like the evil in my adventures to be really evil. It doesn't get much worse than undead farming people. What could be a better excuse to get in there, kill the bad guys, take their stuff, and free the chattel? Or more terrible than being stuck in there and having to get out somehow?
I apologize if I triggered anyone. This had nothing to do with concentration camps, it's modeled off an actual cattle feedlot combined with a living altar to Zon-Kuthon.
It's all good I figured that, it is well done I'll give you that, no worries congrats on making it thru :-)
I probably would've voted for it but my phone's zoom feature worked entirely too well, I love the Skull part my only criticism is maybe a little less detail in the actual map part:-D
I didn't have a chance till after the top 16 was announced to comment on these, but I remember last year really appreciating any constructive feedback I got, so I am trying to return the favor.
Congrats on making it into the top 16 with this creepy, amazing map.
This takes an ordinary idea from our own world and turns it into something gruesome. It makes an excellent site for adventure as well as for PETA propaganda. ;) The map design itself is also clean, understandable, and well engineered. It's definitely something I never expected to see a fantasy map of. I also appreciate while the horror factor is high, it skews away from mere shock value. It's just more inherently terrible.
Your text is to the point and doesn't need to be more than what it is. Adding the mechanics of how the chattel pens work just adds to the horror while also being useful mechanical information.
I would like to see an increase in color contrast -- especially for the greenish bits, which might blur together for a colorblind viewer(a commenter last year made good advice on such things). Your text is a bit cramped in places -- I always find veering on the side of larger is a good thing, though I understand it's a challenge when you're hand-labeling. Mechanically I wonder if the area might be desecrated, which would make sense and would not take long to mention in the description.
This map is so metal. I couldn't quite find room on my card to vote for you, but I definitely liked it. I'm so glad you made it to the top 16.
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RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16
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Marathon Voter Season 9
aka Thrawn007
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"Gebbite Zombie Farm" was on my shortlist of maps I was potentially looking to do for this round. So glad I didn't try to tackle that, as you did it so much better than my first take on it. Love the location, and was very happy to see that someone else was interested in that corner of Golarion.