The turkey would have pardoned Goofus, but his crimes were too great to ignore.
Goofus considers the other players to be props, and constantly throws the player with the halfling PC to roleplay his barbarian throwing the halfling.
Gallant will let other players borrow his dice if they forget to bring theirs to game night.
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Goofus lets players borrow his dice, if they sell him their soul, empty their retirement funds, and call him "great and uber attractive super mega kami guru Goofus."
Gallant sometimes lets the princess rescue the dragon, just to throw his players something different and a bit off the cuff.
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Many of Goofus's dice are literal knucklebones, made from the knuckles of those who'd previously made the mistake of touching his dice.
Goofus sometimes throws his players for a loop by having them make it to the dragon's lair, only to reveal he's already been assassinated by f&@#ing ninjas!!!
Gallant designs a whole long litany of sacred flora other than holly and mistletoe for Druids to use as divine foci, with distinctive perks and powers provided by each one.
The only holy plant that Druids are allowed to use in Goofus's game is Weed, with the "perk" being a bunch of lame stoner jokes that everyone grew tired of years ago.
Goofus never forces any of his players to play a certain class that is "needed," like a Cleric or a Rogue.
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Gallant is so devoted to the sacred spirit of Opposite Day that he takes the role of his archnemesis Goofus when it is "needed."
Gallant works hard for weeks to figure out how to design a more workable, sensible, and fun version of the boldly unorthodox Dvati PC race when one of his players expresses interest in it but despairs at ever being able to actually play them.
Goofus has a homebrewed race, the Goofgreatus, which gain a +10 to all ability scores, count all classes as favored, and have inborn psionics. He is highly enraged if GM's will not allow him to play one in their game.
Gallant works with his players to make even the strangest, most off the wall character builds/requests work somehow.
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Goofus learns about the cultures of the world to inspire his campaign ideas by asking his bigoted, racist uncle.
Once the group is organized, Gallant allows 15 minutes for table chatter before calling for attention and getting the group organized.
Goofus does not allow table chatter at all. Any player who makes any remark that he thinks is OOC is dropped through a trapdoor Goofus had installed under the chairs at the table.
Gallant puts together a festive holiday-themed one-shot adventure to celebrate the season.
Goofus titles his holiday one shot "(PC Name)'s Worst Christmas" and spend the entire night abusing the PC in question and his player.
Gallant can read his players, and knows when to be talky, and when to be stabby to maximize player enjoyment.
Goofus miss-reads his players constantly, and always determines they want stabby, so he indulges them. Murder charges are pending.
Gallant avoids stabbing his players, only their PC's.
Goofus is wanted for nerdslaughter in 15 states (and counting).
Gallant makes sure that his pets are locked away before game night.
Gallant makes sure that his pets are locked away before game night.
Goofus doesn't believe in restricting "Hulk," his unneutered rottweiler with gigantism. He loudly insults and throws out any players that complain about Hulk's constant humping of legs or any cracked ribs gained by Hulk charging into them on the basis that his house is not for any 'animal haters.'
Gallant carries a Katana for reasons other than "It looks cool."
Goofus carries a chainsaw around everywere. I mean out of game everywhere.
Gallant decides to run a game at a convention. He sticks to the rules by the book, so everyone knows what to expect coming to the table.
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Goofus isn't allowed inside any conventions, apart from Burning Man which is the only place he fits in.
Gallant gives an epic inspiring speech before he dies.
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Goofus yells at you that you suck, Pathfinder sucks, 5E sucks, and that you should be playing his RPG, Goof-finder 5x1E. Brought to you by Goofo of the Coast Game company.
Gallant created a Elder Scrolls setting for Pathfinder, including new rules and magics, along with a few other cool things he'd taken a good year to do.
Goofus steals Gallants Elder Scrolls: Skyrim TTRPG idea, and shouts at the players, via a megaphone, for effect, cause I AM THE GORRAM DRAGON BORN!!
Gallant obeys all copy write and IP rules when creating 3pp material for PF.
(actually Elder Scrolls: Morrowind is still my personal favorite, put thousands of hours into that one)
Goofus insists that copyright laws are there to protect his right to copy whatever he wants when he creates 3rd-party supplements for Pathfinder.
Gallant always has the plot twists in his campaign make sense.
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Goofus is incapable of making a campaign with a coherent plot, so his games look like one long string of fights against increasingly implausible enemies in increasingly implausible locations with nothing between them.
Gallant shares his gold with his party member so that his party member can buy that one awesome item he wanted.
Goofus names everything in his campaign world after himself, Goofterra is the world, Gooftropolis is the biggest city, Goofus on the Green, etc.
Gallant is able to seamlessly intertwine material from multiple campaign worlds into a lavish and well thought of mash-up game.
Goofus kicks the evil bad guy to his death, kidnaps the maiden to become a prisoner in his own evil lair, and lives happily ever after.
When he sees his players hi-fiving each other after a particularly close and epic encounter, Gallant knows that he's done his job right.
When he sees his players screaming in frustration or crying in despair, Goofus knows he's done his job right.
Gallant offers his couch and spare bedroom to any gamers without transportation, so they don't have to take the bus late at night.
It's a personal rule of Goofus's to leave no creature unpunched.
Gallant tries to provide his players with healthy snack food at the gaming table.
Goofus provides snack all laced with LSD, he claims it "really gets my players in character, cause you know, they are no longer able to tell fantasy from reality."
Gallant reschedules game day when real life rears its ugly head against one of his players.
Goofus prepares extra stat blocks for creatures and henchmen he travels with and/or expects to summon that contain much better stats than they're supposed to have.
Gallant only quotes Monty Python when appropriate.
One of Goofus's players, after having had quite enough, shouted "This reference is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late reference! It's a stiff! Bereft of life it rests in peace! If you hadn't insisted on making it, it would be pushing up the daisies! It's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This is an ex-reference!"
Gallant notices that his players are having a hard time with some of his encounters, and adjusts them accordingly.
Goofus noticed all of his players were having a hard time with an encounter he designed, so he makes sure to ramp it up another 5 CR, and tailor the encounter location to shut down all PC magic. Goofus figures, it is not hard enough until the players cry or go insane, preferable both at the same time.
Gallant describes his adventure locations with exquisite and important detail, as clues to what is ahead and how to better best some of it are always hidden in the silken prose.
As Goofus tells his players, "I made sure to not use any words with more than 3 letters so that you could all understand it".
Gallant makes sure to tell all his players when they have to cancel a session.
Goofus waits for all of his players to arrive before tell them the session is canceled, because then, he gets to shoo them away with a broom, like chickens. This brings Goofus much joy, and broom combat.
Gallant never lets his dragons get stuck fighting in their lair, he lets them fly free, to terrorize and incinerate players in their element, the sky.
Goofus thinks about hooks for the PCs, sticking them into their characters after they awaken in a torture chamber.
Gallant bought his players character pawns for Christmas.
Goofus bought his players special minis from hero forge for each of their characters, thing is, each PC was depicted laying dead and mutilated. He wrapped each with care, the tags read, "To the PC's from Krampus, you will need these."
Gallant never buys cheap dark rum to mix with eggnog for his players, he motto is, "good game, good liqueur, happy players."
Goofus keeps a few "One Shot" adventures in his backpack, which are named "One Shot" because they usually kill all the players in one shot in the first room.
Gallant has never pulled a Leroy Jenkins.
Goofus has a giant shrine to Leroy Jenkins in his gaming room, he pray at it before every session. "Yea though I walk through the valley of TPK's..."
Gallant uses his i-pod to have at hand mood music for any encounter or scene when he GMs.
Goofus thinks recordings of Richard Simmons' "Sweatin' to the oldies" is a perfect soundtrack for any situation.
Gallant organizes a gift exchange, so that everyone only has to buy one gift instead of one for everyone in the group. He also sets a dollar limit to keep things even.
Goofus organizes a gift exchange with no dollar limit. He then drops a smoke bomb in the middle of the exchange and escapes out the back door with the goods.
After finishing a dramatic war campaign, Gallant decides to run a wacky campaign so that his players can try out some of their goofier character concepts.
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Goofus runs nothing but harsh, gritty, terribly realistic war campaigns. The look in his eyes when he describes the alchemist fire burnt peasants running and keening in agony has sent many a player home with PTSD.
Gallant is a master at playing up both the heat of combat, and the mind numbing bordom of waiting for combat when he runs a WWII inspired D20 modern game.
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Goofus's WWII inspired D20 modern game ended, after he made the players role-play sitting in trench by digging a trench and making them sit in it, before having German sorcerers summon Cthulu and deploy him to their current location.
Gallant isn't scared of death.