Goofus and Gallant


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Goofus carefully plans strategies so there are as many of his party members as collateral damage as possible.

Gallant makes sure to give all the PCs time to be the main character.


Goofus makes sure to give all the PCs time to praise his main character: Sir Goofusyen the Bold.

Gallant offered some advice to a player who wanted to play a Paladin in Way of the Wicked so they could come to an agreement to create a more fitting character.


Goofus somehow managed to convince all of his players to play antipaladins in his War of the Righteous campaign.

Gallant never goes too far from the party when he's scouting, just in case he runs into trouble.

Scarab Sages

Goofus's scouting forays have taught him something incredible: There's a worldwide network of secret passages ALL somehow leading back to Innkeeper Ivan's House of Refreshment, Whores, and Safety! Imagine that!

Gallant takes an active interest in all aspects of the campaign setting.


Goofus takes an active interest in updating his Twitter feed in the middle of the game.

Gallant always splits the loot evenly with the rest of the party.


Goofus always splits the party to loot everything without other players noticing.

When a player misses a session, Goofus devices a believable way to harmlessly remove the character from the group for a while or roleplays the character himself in the most accurate way he can.


Goofus has removed every character but his own Mary Sue from the game. Now he's playing by his own and faking to be Gallant! (Just check my previous post and you'll see. I mistaked the names)

Gallant knows his player's names and would never mistake them for other players.


Goofus just calls all of his players "Goofus" since it's easier than trying to remember their names.

Gallant's characters develop and grow as people over the course of the campaign.


Goofus' characters are all Goofus, behave like Goofus, and have the personality of a rock.

Gallant agreed with a player who wanted to retire his character so he had a last epic final sacrifice that will be remembered for a lot of time.


Goofus stabbed the character while he slept and looted his corpse before raising him as a loyal zombie servant.

Gallant does his best to help new players learn the game, and gives helpful suggestions about good feats and spells.

Scarab Sages

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Goofus writes "Goofus and His Clone Army: The Guide to the Objectively Best Character That Every New Player Should Read Before They Have Any of Their Own Experience With the Game."

Gallant's campaign world isn't one of those "kitchen sink" affairs that indiscriminately incorporates all published material, but when a player approaches him with an unusual/obscure class, race, or subsystem that Gallant wasn't familiar with, but doesn't feel too inappropriate, he works with the player to find a way to plausibly incorporate it.


Goofus allows his players to play whatever they want, no matter their favor, backstory or viability. They'll all be dead in the first session anyway.

When Gallant joins an ongoing game, he always asks the other players what they are playing and the GM which concepts/characters will fit the group better.


When Goofus joins the game, he always plays a bard, ignoring what is best for the party.

When Gallant kills the big bad in one hit, due to teamwork, he does not insist on claiming all of the Xp since he was the only one who dealt damage.


Since Goofus saw the enemies first, he gets all the XP for the encounter! No take backsies!

Gallant brings enough chex mix, pretzels, and dried fruit to share with everyone.


Goofus brings his own snacks to the game, puts them aside so nobody can reach them, and remorselessly eats all the snacks the other players brought, even the birthday cake that Kileanna made for the birthday of three other players and he ended eating all himself.

(Yes, personal story here with my own Goofus player!)

When Gallant visits the forums, he avoids taking anything as personal and avoids engaging trolls.


Goofus immediately posts about the clear superiority of the fighter over other classes, and how everyone who disagrees with him is a Commie*.

Gallant is willing to listen to his players suggestions about plots they would like to take part in.

[spoiler=obvious disclaimer] No offense intended to our socialist brethren present on the boards.[\spoiler]


Goofus doesn't want to bother adjusting things to fit his players. He picks a module that he hasen't even read at random and gets his players through it. Last time he took a 1st level party to the last book of Rise of the Runelords.

Gallant rewards clever actions and witty thinking from his players.


Goofus rewards stupid stunts, and foolish actions because "they're cool."

Gallant will always make sure that all players understand how to play before selecting a difficult module.


Goofus' favorite adventure to introduce new players to the game is Tomb of Horrors.

Gallant always finds a creative way to remove a character from the game for a few sessions when a player has to be away for a time.

Scarab Sages

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Goofus always finds a creative explanation for the new overstuffed garbage bag in the corner that seems to show up every time a player suddenly has to be *ahem* away for a very long time.

Gallant sings with all the voices of the mountains, and paints with all the colors of the wind.


Goofus thinks the only people who are people are people who look and think like him.

Gallant includes in his game well placed references that players can easily get and enjoy.


Goofus only references character quips from 1985's Otherworld TV show.

Gallant buys all the snacks/drinks for game night and charges no one for the refreshments.


(Add cooking some snacks and it seems I am Gallant xD)

Goofus buys dog chow as a snack and forces other players to eat it. They charges them for it afterwards. My house, my rules, he says.

Gallant owns a big collection of RPG books and he lends them to other players so they can make use of them, specially newer players.


Goofus owns a big collection of RPG manuals, and charges the other players a $5 'reshelving' fee if they so much as touch them.

Gallant gives the living room the group plays in a quick cleaning and vacuuming before the gang arrives, and makes sure the trash is empty.


Goofus has always everything on the table when his players come to his home... because everything is still there since the last session... a month ago.

(Another true story from a player of mine!)

Gallant helps players to develop their backstories when they cannot come up with something on their own.


Goofus has them roll on this bizarre chart to make a quick, and obviously fabricated backstory.

Gallant brings his own snacks if he dislikes the snacks that the rest of the group brings and doesn't insult their tastes.


Goofus puts peanuts in his allergic player's snacks and then he laughs at him for being such a pansy when he's sent to the hospital.

Gallant wrote an online guide with his experience on his favorite class to help other players.


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Paizo Charter Superscriber; Pathfinder Companion, Pathfinder Accessories Subscriber; Starfinder Superscriber

Goofus writes "For a good time call..." and writes the names and phone numbers of his fellow players on every public restroom wall he comes across.

Gallant commissioned a special set of dice for each of his fellow players to commemorate 10 years of gaming together.


Goofus called someone who wrote his phone on a public restroom to «lighten up» the commemoration of 10 years of gaming with his fellow players.

Gallant helps to pick up the thrash and clean up the place after a gaming session.

Scarab Sages

Goofus trusts Bleached Otyugh to take care of that for him.

Gallant studies Old English in preparation for his upcoming Beowulf-inspired game.


Goofus studies common and stereotypical sayings in foreign languages and practices really annoying accents so he can turn all his NPCs into racial stereotypes.

Gallant chooses ambient music for his games to enhance the mood of the story.


Goofus just plays his playlist on random for background ambience. It's quite distracting considering Goofus' taste in music range from Norwegian Death Metal to Enya to Weird Al to the B-52's.

Gallant communicates with his players through e-mails, facebook, and other forms to handle out-of-game tasks that don't require roleplaying, or the other players to sit around bored.


Goofus tells his players what their responsibilities are for the next gaming session the day before they will play. Anyone that fails will be targeted by every group of enemies in the game.

Gallant helps other players become game masters without criticizing their nervous first games. Telling them what he enjoyed, and offering ideas to the new GM that will help make the game fun for others as well


Last person who asked Goofus if he could be GM wasn't seen again. To this day, the police still blame Goofus.

Gallant made sure to build a character that helped the party, and wasn't min-maxed.


Goofus made sure to build a character that helped the party, that meaning that his character tried to fulfill ALL the roles so he could be the only one who did something. Party? Who needs them? He could doeverything on his own. He still doesn't know why his character died on the first session.

Gallant avoids going too far in depicting situations that could be sensitive themes for his players.


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Goofus engages in live action role play to depict... certain scenes.

Gallant advises his players of a campaign's setting is advance, so players do not create nature-focused characters for an urban campaign, or vice versa.


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(Well, what you have said about Goofus is not necessarily bad in the right situations *wink*)

Goofus decided in the last moment to GM WotR instead of WotW (hey, abbreviated they even sound alike) and didn't let his players to build new characters.

Gallant studies in advance the classes that his players will be playing so he knows what the characters can and cannot do, and plans encounters with that in mind.


Kileanna wrote:
(Well, what you have said about Goofus is not necessarily bad in the right situations *wink*)

HARRUMPH!


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I had to google that. I wouldn't think you'd disapprove.


GM_Beernorg wrote:

Goofus changes his homebrew rules every game session just to "keep the players on their toes."

Gallant knows one of his players loves Firefly, so he runs the (awesome) RPG on his birthday to celebrate.

frowns at gallant


lucky7 wrote:

Goofus knows one of his players loves Firefly, so he buys the player a bunch of Firefly memorabilia...

...and then sets it on fire.

Gallant is fun to be around, both in and out of game.

high fives goofus


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Guys I took a trip on memory lane and read these. I was laughing so hard it hurt for many. Thanks guys.


Kileanna wrote:

(Well, what you have said about Goofus is not necessarily bad in the right situations *wink*)

Goofus decided in the last moment to GM WotR instead of WotW (hey, abbreviated they even sound alike) and didn't let his players to build new characters.

Gallant studies in advance the classes that his players will be playing so he knows what the characters can and cannot do, and plans encounters with that in mind.

Goofus bans all the options so all the classes are played the same.

Gallant isn't so narcisistic to answer to his own posts and self quote himself.


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Goofus is such an avid thread necromancer that he lights black candles and dons robes of midnight blue when he sits down at his computer.

Gallant makes sure that each player gets a moment of specific attention every session.


Goofus makes sure that each player is humiliated by his favorite NPCs at least once per session.

Gallant creates interesting NPCs to interact with, making sure they aren't spotlight stealers.


Goofus makes sure his players create bland PCs so they don't hog the spotlight.

Gallant asks a new player to come in earlier so they can go over a few rounds of mock combat to go over the ground rules.

Scarab Sages

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Goofus requires all new players to defeat one of his old players in a pit match to the death. He's no monster, though; he provides the Triskelionese battle harnesses himself, and invites the new player to come in earlier so they can first have an opportunity to teach his old players what it means to love.

Gallant doesn't make simplistic snap judgments about alignments.


Goofus killed a random NPC on the street because the NPC had a mustache. Everyone knows that mustaches are evil!

Gallant makes sure to have plenty of spare pencils on the table so that every player always can grab one easily.

Dark Archive

Goofus has a singularly delightful talent for making pencils disappear....

Gallant always offers his hand when the villain is clinging to a ledge or something and about to plummet to death, even though he knows (I mean, surely he must) that the villain is much more sensible than he is and will betray him the moment it is back on firm ground. It's all convention, you know!


Goofus punches the bad guy in the mouth after said villain genuinely repents. It’s... a convention, I guess.

Gallant doesn’t force his PCs to roll perception checks for every step they take.

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