Official Critique My Item Thread

[R D Ramsey]

I plan to comment on every item in the thread now that I have my map entry done.

There sure are a lot of them! Wheeeee!

[R D Ramsey]

I plan to comment on every item in the thread now that I have my map entry done.

There sure are a lot of them! Wheeeee!

[Thomas LeBlanc]

These were just my thoughts during voting:

Harlequin’s Hurlbat - You have your own thread.

Knife of the Consummate Chef - Boring item using niche skill. History and how-to-use down-checks. Formatting errors. Price/cost incorrect.

Scale of the Final King - Good idea, but poor mechanics. Minor formatting issues. Price/cost incorrect.

Pg 10 Complete

Rod of Divine Empowerment - Mechanical problems. Formatting errors.

Arcanavore - Didn't like the mechanics. Way underpriced. Price/cost incorrect.

[N. Edward Lange]

Thank you Mark and Jacob for pointing that out (I think we've been doing that wrong for a very long time in our home game).

[Lorathorn]

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Knife of the Consummate Chef - Boring item using niche skill. History and how-to-use down-checks. Formatting errors. Price/cost incorrect.

How was the price wrong? And what formatting errors? If nothing else I hope I can fix them for next year... or in general.

[Isaac Volynskiy]

For Arcanavore, I want to say: Great name. Reminds me of the vore-goyfs in MTG, in a good way.
I almost feel like making a Name Rating topic, or just going through all the items on the basis of their names.

[Tripp Elliott]

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Glitterbane - Too niche. Too many varied abilities that don't seem to fit theme.

Thanks Thomas!

[bugleyman]

Mark Seifter wrote:

*Formatting and wording issues. Price/Cost don't match.

*While there's a connection between them, it's still not too much more than two SiaC.

So...you're saying my item is twice the SiaC that most items are? Sweet! ;-)

Seriously, thanks for the feedback.

[naaberle]

Ready for C&C, brutal honesty encouraged and accepted.

Serpent’s Tongue
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 4th
Slot none; Price 22,502 gp; Weight 1 lb.

Description

Using the still writhing tongue of an ancient serpent to create a mold, this +1 mithral dagger looks as if the snake was still alive when the blade was forged. Serpent's tongue feels substantially lighter than it looks as its blade and handle are hollowed.

Serpent’s tongue can hold up to 4 doses of a single poison within itself, and filling the blade is a full round action that provokes attacks of opportunity. The poison DC increases by +2 for each dose of poison in the blade during the attack roll. Failing the initial Fortitude save results in the target being poisoned as normal, as well as revealing the blades more insidious nature. Any potion the victim drinks for the next 4 hours turns into the poison stored within the blade with the Type changed to ingested. Any poison ingested this way acts as though it was applied normally, stacking with any ongoing poisons if applicable.

Those drinking a potion can make a Craft (Alchemy) or Heal check equal to the current save DC to notice the potion has transformed in their mouth before swallowing. A successful check allows an immediate action to spit out the poison. Failing this check leads the imbiber to believe the potion has worked as normal. Neutralize poison removes all poison and effects caused by this weapon.

Construction

Requirements Craft Magical Arms and Armor, Poison Focus, transmute potion to poison, delay poison; Cost 11,502 gp

[bugleyman]

naaberle wrote:

Ready for C&C, brutal honesty encouraged and accepted.

Serpent’s Tongue
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 4th
Slot none; Price 22,502 gp; Weight 1 lb.

Description

Using the still writhing tongue of an ancient serpent to create a mold, this +1 mithral dagger looks as if the snake was still alive when the blade was forged. Serpent's tongue feels substantially lighter than it looks as its blade and handle are hollowed.

Serpent’s tongue can hold up to 4 doses of a single poison within itself, and filling the blade is a full round action that provokes attacks of opportunity. The poison DC increases by +2 for each dose of poison in the blade during the attack roll. Failing the initial Fortitude save results in the target being poisoned as normal, as well as revealing the blades more insidious nature. Any potion the victim drinks for the next 4 hours turns into the poison stored within the blade with the Type changed to ingested. Any poison ingested this way acts as though it was applied normally, stacking with any ongoing poisons if applicable.

Those drinking a potion can make a Craft (Alchemy) or Heal check equal to the current save DC to notice the potion has transformed in their mouth before swallowing. A successful check allows an immediate action to spit out the poison. Failing this check leads the imbiber to believe the potion has worked as normal. Neutralize poison removes all poison and effects caused by this weapon.

Construction

Requirements Craft Magical Arms and Armor, Poison Focus, transmute potion to poison, delay poison; Cost 11,502 gp

First, I liked your item; I'm pretty sure I upvoted it at least once. That said, here are some thoughts (bearing in mind that I've never made the top 32, so take my comments with a grain of salt):

• I'd strike "within itself" from the first sentence of the 2nd paragraph; it seems redundant.

• I would remove the bit about failing the fortitude save revealing the blade's more insidious nature, because it actually doesn't -- though the imbiber's subsequent Craft (Alchemy) or Heal check may.

• I'd also expand on the "Failing this check leads the imbiber to believe the potion has worked as normal" bit -- does that mean the imbiber believes, for example, that if he has drunk a potion of fly that he can fly? Does subsequently falling to the ground disabuse him of that notion? Is the imbiber's misapprehension an illusion? A mind-affecting effect?

• I think the +2 DC per dose, though in line with additional doses dealt separately, is probably a bit high. I suggest going with +1, or cutting down the blade to holding fewer doses.

My final -- and possibly most important -- comment is that I'd happily use this in my game. Thank you for sharing it.

[Thomas LeBlanc]

These were just my thoughts during voting:

Impenetrable Pelt - Good item, not Superstar. Underpriced. Price/cost incorrect.

Covenskein Net - Liked the description, but not the mechanics. Underpriced.

Brother’s Guard - Good idea, but not Superstar. Underpriced.

Molten Belcher - I liked the idea, but wasn't Superstar enough. Price/cost incorrect.

Pg 11 Complete

Serpent’s Tongue - Poison mechanics need clarification. Weight incorrect. Underpriced.

[bugleyman]

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Molten Belcher - I liked the idea, but wasn't Superstar enough. Price/cost incorrect.

I appreciate the feedback. :)

[Nickolas Russell]

Mark Seifter wrote:

Nickolas Russell wrote:

I realize mechanically it's boring, just modifying the spells it casts. Would it be any better if it were more accessible? Removing Reverse Gravity would make it CL 8...

Any critique is greatly appreciated!

Heaven's Tether
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 71,500 gp; Weight 5 lbs.

Description
The reflection of this silvery staff shows only clouds moving rapidly against gravity. These clouds occasionally escape Heaven's Tether and quickly dissipate. Once per day the wielder can still the reflection, calming the clouds and becoming bound to the sky for 1 min./level. For the duration, stabilizing against the effects of a Levitate spell is automatic and does not require a full round, and spells can be cast while falling. Casting a spell during a skybound fall does not require a concentration check. The staff allows the use of the following spells:

Feather fall (1 charge)
Levitate (1 charge)
Glide (Advanced Player's Guide) (1 charge)
Hostile levitation (Ultimate Combat) (2 charges)
Reverse gravity (4 charges)

Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, Feather Fall, Levitate, Glide, Hostile Levitation, Reverse Gravity; Cost 35,750 gp

*Formatting and wording issues.

*I'm highly confused by the special ability. I read it three times, and I can't make sense of it.

Thank you Mark. The Levitate spell, causes the subject to become 'increasingly unstable'. This special ability allows the caster to remain stable and instead only takes a –1 penalty on attack rolls. They can also cast while falling and do not need to take a concentration check to do so. Does that make sense? I've never made an item before haha

And to quote the levitation spell:

Levitate wrote:

A levitating creature that attacks with a melee or ranged weapon finds itself increasingly unstable; the first attack has a –1 penalty on attack rolls, the second –2, and so on, to a maximum penalty of –5. A full round spent stabilizing allows the creature to begin again at –1.

[Thomas LeBlanc]

Lorathorn wrote:

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Knife of the Consummate Chef - Boring item using niche skill. History and how-to-use down-checks. Formatting errors. Price/cost incorrect.

How was the price wrong? And what formatting errors? If nothing else I hope I can fix them for next year... or in general.

Pricing explained by me up thread. Just look at the rulebooks to see how you messed on spells, capitalization, and how a magic item appears. Researching is the most important part of item creation!

[Mark Seifter]

naaberle wrote:

Ready for C&C, brutal honesty encouraged and accepted.

Serpent’s Tongue
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 4th
Slot none; Price 22,502 gp; Weight 1 lb.

Description

Using the still writhing tongue of an ancient serpent to create a mold, this +1 mithral dagger looks as if the snake was still alive when the blade was forged. Serpent's tongue feels substantially lighter than it looks as its blade and handle are hollowed.

Serpent’s tongue can hold up to 4 doses of a single poison within itself, and filling the blade is a full round action that provokes attacks of opportunity. The poison DC increases by +2 for each dose of poison in the blade during the attack roll. Failing the initial Fortitude save results in the target being poisoned as normal, as well as revealing the blades more insidious nature. Any potion the victim drinks for the next 4 hours turns into the poison stored within the blade with the Type changed to ingested. Any poison ingested this way acts as though it was applied normally, stacking with any ongoing poisons if applicable.

Those drinking a potion can make a Craft (Alchemy) or Heal check equal to the current save DC to notice the potion has transformed in their mouth before swallowing. A successful check allows an immediate action to spit out the poison. Failing this check leads the imbiber to believe the potion has worked as normal. Neutralize poison removes all poison and effects caused by this weapon.

Construction

Requirements Craft Magical Arms and Armor, Poison Focus, transmute potion to poison, delay poison; Cost 11,502 gp

*Wording issues (the dagger didn't create its own mold, for instance).

*It's unclear whether the potion's normal effects happen in addition to the poison. At first I was sure that they didn't (which makes this nasty whatever way you slice it, since they might have needed a healing potion and taken a Con poison instead, dying). However, since a failed check convinces the drinker that the potion worked as normal, presumably it would need to have its normal effect? I mean, no amount of bad alchemy checks will convince me that my potion of fly worked if I leap off a cliff intending to fly and fall to the bottom.

*It's an interesting idea, and it synergizes with the other poison abilities.

[Nickolas Russell]

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Heaven's Tether - Staff power, while useful, was not Superstar. Mechanical issues. Minor formatting.

Thank you =) I had no expectation of being Superstar but I'm very glad to hear somebody thinks it's useful!

I'm confused about formatting. Really no idea whats wrong lol, any pointers?

edit I do realize now I didn't italicize Levitate though.

[Lorathorn]

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Lorathorn wrote:

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Knife of the Consummate Chef - Boring item using niche skill. History and how-to-use down-checks. Formatting errors. Price/cost incorrect.

How was the price wrong? And what formatting errors? If nothing else I hope I can fix them for next year... or in general.

Pricing explained by me up thread. Just look at the rulebooks to see how you messed on spells, capitalization, and how a magic item appears. Researching is the most important part of item creation!

Fair enough. Thanks for the input.

[Thomas LeBlanc]

Nickolas Russell wrote:

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Heaven's Tether - Staff power, while useful, was not Superstar. Mechanical issues. Minor formatting.

Thank you =) I had no expectation of being Superstar but I'm very glad to hear somebody thinks it's useful!

I'm confused about formatting. Really no idea whats wrong lol, any pointers?

Spells, look at how they are used in other magic items. Don't capitalize magic item name in item unless is has proper nouns. Could have used the list formatting options when posting the spell list in your item.

[Nickolas Russell]

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Nickolas Russell wrote:

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Heaven's Tether - Staff power, while useful, was not Superstar. Mechanical issues. Minor formatting.

Thank you =) I had no expectation of being Superstar but I'm very glad to hear somebody thinks it's useful!

I'm confused about formatting. Really no idea whats wrong lol, any pointers?

Spells, look at how they are used in other magic items. Don't capitalize magic item name in item unless is has proper nouns. Could have used the list formatting options when posting the spell list in your item.

Cool thanks.

[naaberle]

Mark Seifter wrote:

*Wording issues (the dagger didn't create its own mold, for instance).

*It's unclear whether the potion's normal effects happen in addition to the poison. At first I was sure that they didn't (which makes this nasty whatever way you slice it, since they might have needed a healing potion and taken a Con poison instead, dying). However, since a failed check convinces the drinker that the potion worked as normal, presumably it would need to have its normal effect? I mean, no amount of bad alchemy checks will convince me that my potion of fly worked if I leap off a cliff intending to fly and fall to the bottom.

*It's an interesting idea, and it synergizes with the other poison abilities.

Thanks! And Bugleyman as well. The original intention was your first inkling. The potion wouldn't function, but activate the poison. Should have clarified the "Failing this check..." line. Thanks for all the feedback so far everyone!

[He'sDeadJim]

Mark Seifter wrote:

He'sDeadJim wrote:

Always late...

Here we go with my submission (Minus most of the special formatting).
All I ask is that you be honest and give constructive criticism:

Quill of the Peacock Spirit
Aura moderate evocation; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 58,850 gp gp; Weight 3 lbs.

Description
This weapon is a beautiful but exotic +1 mithral planar totem spear that is unnaturally smooth, warm to the touch, and delightfully quick to wield for its size.

*This is a wondrous item musical instrument shoehorned into a spear.

Okayyyy...

Thanks for the feed back Mark!

Should I have made more reference to the fact that a Totem Spear is a Shoanti exotic weapon (see Pathfinder Player Companion: Varisia, Birthplace of Legends) and is already a musical instrument? All I really did was make it masterwork musical instrument in addition to it being a magical weapon...which I thought made sense to me.

It didn't occur to me that it would have been necessary to clarify that. I was trying to create something wondrous and esoteric...kinda-like the Peacock Spirit itself. Nobody really know what it was, or what its religious tenets were. I was trying to find that same oddness(?) that the religion has and translate to a weapon the group might have created.

I guess I was too subtle/obscure?

[He'sDeadJim]

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

These were just my thoughts during voting:

Quill of the Peacock Spirit - History = down-check. Didn't like activation methods. Formatting issues (very minor during voting, more on the posted version). Price/cost incorrect.

Thanks for the feedback Thomas! I appreciate your honesty.

I was in a hurry when I posted my item here and didn't have time to format much, nor did I know I needed to do so. Can you tell me what format issue you originally had however?

As far as the activation methods go, I was trying to avoid adding "charges/day" or the "Power=#/day" thing. I though since it was an exotic weapon from an semi-exotic region/religion, it should have an exotic activation method. I also thought it would drop the weapon's cost a little bit by doing it that way.

I never could calculate my magic item costs correctly however. I personally wish somebody would come up with and post a real magic item calculator online, and not just for the RPG Superstar contest.

[Thunderfrog]

My ranking scale...

Top “x” (my own persoal ranking), Upper Tier (top 100), Middle Tier (should have at least made cull and was in the upper 50% of items), Lower Tier.

Aegis of the Martyr: Author found his own pricing error. I liked the concept, especially the damage being dealt back to the wielder at the end of one minute. Although this leads to a comical image of all the healers standing around waiting for your shield to gib you after all the baddies are dead, it’s a good touch. The Max HP mechanic is too fluid, what if someone alters their max hp after activating the shield? Middle tier.

Blade of Unabating Wounds: I get what this weapon wants to do, which is make bleeding a viable damage tactic, and it does it well. However, that in and of itself doesn’t make a super interesting weapon, to me anyways. I did vote for this because it was well written and didn’t hug any of this years overdone elements. Middle - Upper tier.

Chakram of Cyclic Existence: I liked the idea here, but the last two paragraphs were clunky. Is the weapons balancing act of positive and negative energy based on a 2 day cycle? Or based on every other activation? If the latter, the example is misleading. Middle tier.

Demonmaw Gnasher: Another earthbreaker, but if any of them deserved to make it on design concept, I think it was this one. Was it intentional that the throw happen no matter what and the wielder had a choice with the drag? I would have made the bite do piercing/slashing/bludgeoning damage, as thats what bites do. I would have changed the throw to make it more interesting, maybe something like “throws the target 10ft in any direction, where it lands prone.” A size limitation on who can be thrown would have been appropriate. Im not quite sure why you priced it like you did. I disagree with MS about the abilities not fitting in with the Hezrou maw. It’s a huge freaking Hulk-Demon. Throwing things makes perfect sense. Upper tier.

Serpentine Stave: This wasn’t a bad staff, it just came up against the really good staves in the competition. Doing the match and just saying that in serpent form, the staff casts all spells at 8th level and treats it’s requisite ability score as if it were an 18 (for example) might have cleared up the brain-fog that comes in at the end. Middle tier.

Staff of Stratagems: No! You can’t modify action economy for 20,000~ gp. The spells were alright, but so many non core spells means a lot of page flipping. Perhaps unfairly, this staff got downvoted both times I saw it, as I couldn’t get past the move-action readied actions. (Thus you could argue that a wizard could ready an action to cast a spell, then use his second move action to ready an action to cast a spell?)

Sarenrae’s Desert Caller: I was getting excited as I read the first paragraph, and I liked the touch of swirling sand. Then I got to “When a worshiper of Sarenrae…” .. so there’s this sand item and ONLY Sarenrae’s faithful can use it? Not worshipers of earth elementals or dieties with the earth domain? That got an instant downvote from me, even though I loved the item on all other merits. You even input the rebuild rules without them looking clunky, though I suspect you should have probably just referenced the page number and source material instead. *edit: you made up the template? Risky. I’m surprised you weren’t just dq’d.* I would have upvoted this every one of the 3 times I saw it if not linked to one god, especially since I eschew all of the Golarion pantheon except Besmara, Iori, and the Dark Tapestry. Top 32 potential with a lower tier restriction and the mistake of creating it’s own template?

Housebreaker Bow: It’s a bow that doesn’t really do anything bowish. Instead it’s like you made a wonderous item and two magical arrows, then glued them together with 5 charges. (which imo don’t belong on weapons.) Lower tier.

Blowgun of the Accursed Serpent: I was like, “Oh, a curse. Whats it do? Oh, it isn’t a curse, it forces a saving throw double-roll.”

“the snake's skull snaps open for an instant, revealing a pair of dripping fangs that imbue the dart with a curse as it speeds out of the weapon. If the attack hits, the target is cursed with bad luck. Anytime the victim of this curse attempts a saving throw against that dart's poison, it must roll twice and take the worse result.” could have been made more succinct. There’s not really a curse at all. Lower tier.

Blade of the Dark Betrayer: If you had only put some definitive stats to the shadow, or said to use the bestiary entry for a shadow, I would have loved this item. You had the word count to spare, too! Lower tier.

Motherly Love: Adapting Bane to whatever hurts you is too strong for the price. That aside, this one was a bit unclear on the mother parts. Do I have to call it mom everyday? Is it intelligent? Too many questions on a nice thought, and the bane thing is over the top sak. Lower tier.

Axle of Sky and Storm: I was out after the variable wind-speed math. Then there’s 300 lbs of stuff I have to come up with as a DM, then I have to figure hardness based on the predominant material? An item shouldn’t make the DM or Player cry in it’s function. Low tier.

Eremite Rod: Not many of the rods seemed to use the item type right, but this one felt rod-dish at least. I liked it and considered it one of the better rods. I would have changed my sentence structure around though, and the ability damage shouldn’t be variable. Pick a damage like con or str and keep it static. Upper tier.

Hammer of Besting: I thought the name was blah. I like getting boons from beating enemies, but the wording doesn’t specify foes. So what stop you from braining your low-hp friend for some easy SR and and Will bonuses (what type of bonus?) while your cleric waits to breath of life him? Idea was good.. I mean, who doesn’t like Highlander? But there were a few gaps in the writing. Middle tier.

Ephemeral Staff: A +1 quarterstaff is always assumed to only have one enchanted end, so you wasted some words in parenthesis. Affect/Effect. If you are holding it, doesn’t it stop being all wivery wavery? The spells aren’t exciting either. It was a decent item, but missing flair when compared to the really good staves from this year. Lower tier.

Staff of the Auraboros: I didn’t super understand why this staff used the verbs and adjectives it did, but I shrugged it off as coincidence. I like the idea, an aura-based staff, and didn’t think it was badly designed. I guess the fact it covers a wonky niche is why it wasn’t better received. Middle tier.

Staff of the Twinned Path: I liked this one actually, and upvoted it a few times. The name could have been a little more imaginative I think, in that you really had to read into the item to see what it wanted to create. I think trading a 3rd level spell for an attack is fair, and would purchase this as a campaign long weapon-staff for an EK. Upper tier.

Cuirass of Distortion: Reading this, I felt like it should be an artifact instead of a regular item. There’s no business having an armor do damage that automatically hits and can 3x per day give you an AoO. This should have been on a weapon in my opinion. It’s also just .. kindve a god-mode item in my opinion. I didn’t like it much. Middle tier.

Energizing Breastplate : Oh man. First, “once per encounter” is so not a thing. So once when I go shopping, once when I fight a bear, and once when a lady of the night propositions me? Anyways, I get what you meant. Then it automatically captures a spell that a wizard anywhere from 5th level to 20th level can cast, with no save or other roll required? Then simulcrums happen. It feels too wonderous and too scattershot. A more narrow focus, both on the ability and in the description, is needed. Low tier.

A lot of people have thanked me for the critiques and opinions (your welcome!), and some have cursed at me for being mean (I'm sorry). I don't mean to offend anyone, I'm just moving through theses as fast as I can while donating as much time to this as I can.

[Thomas LeBlanc]

He'sDeadJim wrote:

I was in a hurry when I posted my item here and didn't have time to format much, nor did I know I needed to do so. Can you tell me what format issue you originally had however?

+1 planar mithral totem spear, Azlanti, other requirements go after spells.

[Jaragil]

Petty Alchemy wrote:

@Jaragil - Raven Leather: Already gave my main thoughts, but noticed in the other thread that Golspiral saw it as a similarity to Prince of Persia. It reminded me of Itachi's crows.

Now THAT I can admit to being inspired by. :)

[Raisse]

Thunderfrog wrote:

Staff of the Twinned Path: I liked this one actually, and upvoted it a few times. The name could have been a little more imaginative I think, in that you really had to read into the item to see what it wanted to create. I think trading a 3rd level spell for an attack is fair, and would purchase this as a campaign long weapon-staff for an EK. Upper tier.

Thanks for the feedback. I'm glad someone enjoyed my item. Part of my goal with this item was to create an item that it would be fun to build an entire character around, serving a character as his iconic weapon.

[quillblade]

Garrett Guillotte wrote:

Norgorber's Lens

This needs to be pointed out: the only place in which ebony is a stone is in the Elder Scrolls games by Bethesda. In real life, and as far as I'm aware in Pathfinder, ebony is a TREE and thus doesn't produce stone, it produces wood. A really dense, heavy wood that sinks in water. If you want a black, glasslike stone, that's obsidian.

Good: This thing has so much flavor - great visuals, a lot of fun tie-ins, plus you made an item that's related to Norgorber that isn't about stabbing and poison! Props for that.
Bad: The mechanics take a long time to spell out what is actually a fairly simple effect. Some issues with clarity and missing information; how many attacks can you make through the lens?
Overall: I liked it. I thought it was creative and extremely cool. Not sure why people keep talking about facing - it clearly states that the effect is a cone. I guess the problem is you said "facing the cone" rather than "in the cone's area/effect". My reading, however, is that the cone goes wherever the player points it at the beginning of his turn. Eye tyrants did the same thing in 3.5.

(I realized I should probably be posting under my actual username rather than my alias, if only to prove that I did indeed do some voting ;))

[Raynulf]

Page 5!

AEGIS OF THE MARTYR: Why hero's defiance? This is 9,170gp of shield plus 9,000gp for a 1/day mass shield other, which is liable to kill the wielder stone dead if they've taken any damage themselves (and if everyone else is, they likely will be too) unless they have a LOT of hitpoints. If the damage was nonlethal… maybe, but as it is, it's suicidal more often than useful IMO. And a lot of bookkeeping.

BLADE OF UNABATING WOUNDS: IMHO, not very creative, and rather overpowered.

Feedback:

* It's a +1 keen super-wounding longsword.
* Given that wounding is a +2 bonus that deals a point of bleed damage per hit, stacking, the profoundly improved version should probably be more than a +1.5 equivalent: It raises the Heal DC by 5, gives the wounded target Spell Resistance 20 against healing (!!!), and can shut down regeneration and fast healing.
* I appreciate that a few devils and other monsters have some of these abilities, but this is brutal, and a bit too much stacked onto one item.
* This actually resembles an indefinite duration CL8 fester on hit, but with no save and is removed if the SR is overcome. Ugh.
* It is also… not that interesting a design, to be honest. Just over-the-top powerful. =/

CHAKRAM OF CYCLIC EXISTENCE: Problems.

Feedback:

1) The majority of channelers are clerics, who are not proficient in martial weapons, which the chakram is.
2) A paladin (who is proficient) should not be trucking with negative energy (or they would have inflict spells on their list). Warpriests, maybe.
3) A chakram has rules about using it in melee, and generally it being a bad idea. You should mention whether or not those rules still apply with using the touch-attack function.
4) The last paragraph is poorly worded. The example should not mention "on each of the last two days", as the item can be used twice in one day, and thus the limit hit within two combat rounds.
5) Is this item actually mithral? If so, you should say, in part because mithral also counts as silver, and that is important for DR purposes.
* The pricing seems about right per the rules… but honestly, the 2/day CLW or ILW just doesn't wow me.
* A simple weapon would have been a better choice.

DEMONMAW GNASHER: This item rings alarm bells with me. What happens with the drag-on-hit when using Great Cleave? Do you move the person, and use their new position to keep cleaving, or their old position? What if you don't want to throw a target over your head? Can an ogre really fit through a 5ft space? Interesting idea, but this item looks like it would halt the action to arbitrate/argue the rules far too much to be worth it.

SERPENTINE STAVE: One staff, many staves. Alrighty then.

Feedback:

* First off, why is snake staff not a requirement?
* Given the slay living, it's clearly intended to be a cleric staff, so lets use those spell levels: 5th (3 charges), 4th (1 charge), 4th (1 charge) adds up to 58,667gp of spells.
* This leaves us with 26,399gp for the special, which is 1 charge for an iron cobra for a minute, and 2 charges for an adamantine or mithral cobra. Reminds of me the rod of the python
* An iron cobra is CR2. An adamantine cobra is CR3. For 7700gp instead of the above, you could have had a 2 charge snake staff which gets you not only better creatures, but more of them and without using your staff as the snake.
* In summary: I get the biblical reference, but unfortunately the staff doesn't come across as very creative (too similar to the existing rod) and the special ability is very lackluster for the price tag.

STAFF OF STRATEGEMS: Underpriced Inquisitor staff.

Feedback:

* First off; The only class that has all of the listed spells is the Inquisitor. Bards get 3/4, Magus get 3/4, Paladins, Sorcerers & Wizards get 2/4.
* Next, pricing: CL8 x 3rd x 400 / 2 charges + CL8 x 2nd x 300 + CL8 x 2nd x 200 + CL8 x 1st x 200 = 14,400 cost, 28,800gp price. Which already exceeds the listed price tag.
* Add in it's also a +1/+1 weapon (2300 x 2 = 4,600gp) and an allowance for the special, and it clearly needs significant boost in price.
* The spells are themed around group combat and battlefield control. I can dig that.
* The special really defines the staff though and… 1/day ready as a move action? Nowhere near ambitious enough, sorry =(
* As an inquisitor weapon, this really should have been actually usable as a weapon. Say a spear. Or longspear to go with the battlefield control theme.
* On that note: Seriously? Staff =/= quarterstaff, just as rod =/= club. I was kinda disappointed with the lack of creativity on magic staff physical forms. What about a bloodrager/magus earthbreaker? Or glaive? Or a druid spear?... I'll stop rambling now…

SARENRAE'S DESERT CALLER: Swords are, by nature, pointy things people buy to stick in their enemies and make them die, not typically to augment their spells. The special ability of this item comes across to me as something that should be a rod. Also: You really, really would have been better off just referencing existing template and putting some visual modifications rather than mechanics.

HOUSEBREAKER BOW: Nitpicking: "Supple" isn't a word one should associate with a bow used for actual combat. It's a rogue-replacement device attached to a +1 shortbow. Not even a composite shortbow someone can but adaptive on to turn it into a worthwhile weapon later. If anything (and I'd personally prefer items like this didn't exist at all), it should be a rod or wondrous item.

BLOWGUN OF THE ACCURSED SERPENT: Base weapon = 8,302gp, leaving 12,000gp for the special, which is a 1/target ill omen for poison saves only, but that affects all saves of that poison, which usually starts at 6 and can be extended by simply shooting them again. If it affected the first save only, that might be balanced, but as it stands it looks way underpriced for what it does.

BLADE OF THE DARK BETRAYER: You've probably realized this already, but 20,000gp to get flanking 3/day is… well… Not very impressive. For that price a rogue could get a +1 shortsword and a ring of invisibility. Also, there really needs to be more actual weapon abilities in this weapon, I think.

[James Casey]

Feros wrote:

Page 5:

Sarenrae’s Desert Caller:
Cool visual, but that is one powerful template to place on all summonings that occur while this item is wielded. Also the weapon itself is just giving a power that fits a Wondrous Item more than a weapon. Weapon features should be attack oriented, not augmenting summonings....

Thank you for the review Feros. If the visual grabbed you, then my item did its job. I have posted a revised item here. Let me know what you think.

Sarenrae's Desert Defender:

Sarenrae’s Desert Defender
Aura strong abjuration and conjuration; CL 9th
Slot none; Price 62,315 gp; Weight 4lbs.

DESCRIPTION
The blade of this +3 defending scimitar appears to shift and swirl like sand on the desert wind. The weapon feels lighter than normal and glowing yellow motes of dust seem to trail in its wake when wielded.

When a worshiper of Sarenrae has the weapon drawn and casts a conjuration spell, a mini-sandstorm erupts from the sword, engulfing the caster’s square. While the sandstorm is active, it provides the caster total concealment against melee and ranged attacks of opportunity triggered by the casting of the spell. The sandstorm does not impair the caster’s line of sight or movement. If the caster moves during the casting of the spell, the sandstorm travels with the caster. The sandstorm lasts for the duration of the casting time of the spell and then dissipates.

CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Magic Arms & Armor, ash storm, shield; creator must be a worshiper of Sarenrae ; cost 31,000 gp

Question & Mini-rant:

That being said I have a question for you, and really it isn't just for you. It's for everyone who had the same problem with the item, and not just my item but others as well.... Why? Why MUST a weapon always conform to the prototypes? As a general rule I understand that weapons by and large have offensive/combat focused themes. I also want to point out that 1/3 of my original cost (+2 defender) is combat oriented and the concealment portion is also combat oriented and in theme with the defender. Regardless, why wouldn't a cleric of Sarenrae enchant their Deity's weapon with non-standard abilities? Especially when those abilities are thematic and can serve the faithful of the deity?

Some context- the idea for this weapon was drawn from an existing character I play that comes from the desert and worships a deity similar to Sarenrae. That character is the party's main healer; however she also wades into combat when needed. She also casts a lot of summon spells, since the party was a small party when we started. While this example is very specific, I can't think it is extremely unique. Nor do I think it is out of character for the clergy of Sarenrae to be wielding scimitars that slice as well as augment other powers granted by their deity. There are a lot of clerics of Sarenrae and I am sure there are even more other character classes that worship Sarenrae. Why wouldn't they enchant their deity's favored weapon with the magics/abilities they use? The answer is that they would.

If I had chosen a different weapon type or eliminated the Sarenrae requirement, I would understand and agree with your assessment that the power did not belong with the weapon. BUT I did include it, for that very reason. I could continue my argument, and am certainly willing to do so, but I want to see what feedback and interest this post gets before continuing, because I believe the argument could be made for other items.

[James Casey]

RonarsCorruption wrote:

Mega-late to this, but if anyone wants to critique my item, I'd love to hear it:

Spoiler:

Impenetrable Pelt
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot armor; Price 12,000 gp; Weight 25 lbs.
Description
Crafted from folds of coarse, black and silver fur, this +3 hide armor twists and slides under the force of incoming blows, but proves nigh-impossible to pierce. As a full-round action once per day, the wearer can transform the armor from its normal, rigid state to a flexible one, lasting until the armor is removed or the wearer returns the armor to its rigid state as a free action. In its flexible state, the impenetrable pelt absorbs blows into it’s voluminous folds rather than deflecting them away, reducing the AC bonus it grants by 5, but imparting to the wearer DR 5/bludgeoning and a pool of 25 temporary hit points that recover at a rate of 1 each round if lost, so long as the wearer remains conscious. In addition, in its flexible state the pelt proves difficult to maintain a firm grip upon, granting the wearer a +5 circumstance bonus to CMD against grapple attempts.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, extreme flexibility, fluid form, persistent vigor; Cost 6,000 gp

I like this item VERY much. It needs a little bit of help, but I like the idea and the visuals. Good work. Keep at it and you will get there!

[James Casey]

bugleyman wrote:

Molten Belcher

Spoiler:

Aura faint abjuration; CL 6th
Slot shield; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 15 lbs.
Description
This round, crimson-hued +1 heavy steel shield is adorned with the bearded visage of a leering fire giant. Once per day as an immediate action when subjected to fire damage, the wearer may command a molten belcher to swallow and hold the first 25 points of that damage. Damage caused by targeted or area effects may be swallowed, but area effects are not negated and still affect other targets within their areas normally. In addition, the shield must reasonably be able to be interposed between the wearer and the source of the damage in order to be effective (the wearer cannot, for example, use the shield to absorb damage caused by being immersed in lava). In any case, the wearer suffers damage in excess of 25 points normally.

Once the shield has absorbed energy in this fashion, the wearer may, as a standard action, release the swallowed energy, causing the shield to vomit forth a gout of flame in a 15' cone. For every five points (or fraction thereof) of fire damage swallowed by the shield, the cone inflicts 1d6 points of fire damage. Targets which succeed at a DC 12 reflex save suffer half damage. The swallowed energy dissipates if not released by the end of the day. A molten belcher remains warm to the touch as long as it holds energy, and though not intelligent per se, some molten belchers have been known to quietly mutter complaints when forced to retain energy for more than a few minutes.

Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, burning hands, magic mouth, protection from energy; Cost 2,500 gp

I realized right away that I had blown the cost (damn it!), but any feedback would be appreciated.

Another one of my favorites. This item was in my top 32. I really liked the imagery and idea. Yeah the price was jacked but we know it won't be published that way and pricing is something that can be fixed. Great job on this one!

[lair-master]

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

Mummer’s Slapstick - Joke item, auto-downvote from me. Price/cost incorrect.

Thanks for the critique, Thomas! The item wasn't meant to be a joke, but it's helpful to know it was perceived as one.

Cthulhudrew wrote:

I really liked this; it was my favorite Jester item by far, and although ostensibly "jokey" it wasn't really a joke item in the sense that some were (puns or tongue-in-cheek items, etc.). The fun of it was that it was completely in character, and I voted for this one whenever I saw it, IIRC.

Thanks for the critique, Cthulhudrew!

Raynulf wrote:

MUMMER'S SLAPSTICK: It's a 24K gold +1 club with a 1/day DC13, 1 round duration, hideous laughter which can be extended by beating on people. Aside from the jester thematic… most players I know would sell it, buy a wand and pocket the hefty difference.

Thanks for the critique, Raynulf!

Feros wrote:

OK, fairly well balanced but the imagery is pure silliness. I have no problem with jokes items as such, but silly imagery does not equate to Superstar.

Thanks for the critique, Feros! Again, I thought it was okay for an item to utilize humor, so long as it wasn't itself a joke. Seems I failed to strike that balance.

Thunderfrog wrote:

Mumners Slapstick: This and the Popcorn staff were joke items that executed better than some of the top 32 imo. I liked it. Upper tier.

Thanks for the critique, Thunderfrog!

Jacob W. Michaels wrote:

Mummer’s Slapstick

The name immediately raises flags for me, as I don’t want slapstick in my fantasy swords and sorcery game.

Your second sentence is all back story. What if it’s created by my bard in his lab during some down time? Because it could be per the game rules.

I think the powers certainly fit the theme well, but it was a theme I just didn’t like at all. Sorry, I just wasn’t the audience for this one.

Thanks for the critique, Jacob! Concerning the second sentence, your comment prompted me to ponder the purpose of such flavor text. Whenever text like this is included in a description, I always interpret it as something used to set the tone and inspire the reader, perhaps offering a possible plot hook. That was my intention. Should a GM use this item in their game, I would not think them limited by this text in any way. If a player wants to craft the item, great! If the GM wants the players to find it in the fighting pits of Egorian, also great!

[Magesmiley]

Well, here was mine. Yes, I'm aware of the extra s at the very end that was courtesy of a last minute edit (I have beaten myself up enough over that already).

Ring of the Medic
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 11th
Slot ring; Price 13,000 gp; Weight -

Description
For those proficient in the art of healing, this simple silver band enhances their use of the Heal skill to allow the wearer to quickly remove an assortment of conditions. A wearer of the ring with at least one rank in the Heal skill may take a full round action (which provokes attacks of opportunity) to attempt to remove one of the following conditions from an adjacent individual. With a successful Heal check that meets the required DC, the condition is removed immediately.

DC Condition
15 Dazzled
20 Dazed
20 Sickened
25 Confused
25 Deafened
25 Nauseated
30 Blinded
30 Stunned

Each successful removal of a condition in this manner increases the above DC values by 3 until the next dawn. This penalty continues to apply even if the wearer of the ring changes.

If the wearer of the ring fails when attempting to remove a condition he or she may attempt to do so again (requiring another full-round action). Different conditions affecting a subject must be removed individually, with each condition requiring a separate full-round actions.

Construction
Requirements Forge Ring, heal, creator must have 12 ranks in the Heal skill; Cost 6,500 gp

[James Casey]

Thunderfrog wrote:

My ranking scale...

Sarenrae’s Desert Caller:

I was getting excited as I read the first paragraph, and I liked the touch of swirling sand. Then I got to “When a worshiper of Sarenrae…” .. so there’s this sand item and ONLY Sarenrae’s faithful can use it? Not worshipers of earth elementals or dieties with the earth domain? That got an instant downvote from me, even though I loved the item on all other merits. You even input the rebuild rules without them looking clunky, though I suspect you should have probably just referenced the page number and source material instead. *edit: you made up the template? Risky. I’m surprised you weren’t just dq’d.* I would have upvoted this every one of the 3 times I saw it if not linked to one god, especially since I eschew all of the Golarion pantheon except Besmara, Iori, and the Dark Tapestry. Top 32 potential with a lower tier restriction and the mistake of creating it’s own template?

Thank you very much, Thunderfrog. If you get a chance, read my response to Feros' post. I totally get why the Sarenrae reference left a bad taste in your mouth. Believe it or not I did that for balance and theme, although your reference to earth deities would make sense as well. As for the template... Yes I did make it up and I guess it did get me DQ'd. Although, I am still waiting for an explanation as to why that would DQ me. I need to go back and look at the rules, I guess. Anyway, I am glad that you liked the item except for that one little thing. I guess I could have changed it to Desert Defender or even Desert Avenger. I also had Dune Shaper as one of my early names.

[Thomas LeBlanc]

These were just my thoughts during voting:

Ring of the Medic - Didn't really strike me as a ring item. Underpriced. CL 11 item, but 12 skill ranks needed to create.

[James Casey]

Raynulf wrote:

Page 5!

SARENRAE'S DESERT CALLER: Swords are, by nature, pointy things people buy to stick in their enemies and make them die, not typically to augment their spells. The special ability of this item comes across to me as something that should be a rod. Also: You really, really would have been better off just referencing existing template and putting some visual modifications rather than mechanics.

There is no existing template that I could find. Believe me, I wanted there to be one. The template took up a huge word count! As for the pointy part- see my reply to Feros.

[Jaragil]

I haven't read many of the other comments yet as I want to offer my initial impressions based on what I thought about the items during the voting. So pardon me if I repeat points from other comments.

11) Dirk of Treachery:

I actually like your thought process in designing this item. I just hope you would have tied this more strongly to the Brutus idea, because using Norgorber makes this seem much more medieval, which muddles the original idea, which has a lot more dramatic flair going for it. Though as a rule of thumb you shouldn't include backstories to your items, but you could have invoked a Roman vibe with how the dagger looks or something along those lines. As for the abilities, the first one is fine, though nothing extraordinary. It basically screams to be used by rogues, which can be problematic. It's the second ability that bothers me. In the hands of an NPC this can work rather well, though the I wish it did more than just pump up the damage, but in the hands of players it encourages backstabbing amongst the group, which is never ok. Never. Games are meant to be fun and if one of your fellow table mates suddenly turns on you, the whole night might get ruined. It's just not worth going there. Keep up trying and remember that it's always more exciting to receive new options instead of doing something old slightly better.

12) Monastic Staff:

The amount of love for monks still astounds me. Though admittedly I can understand the appeal and longing for the superhero monks from wuxia films, and this is not a bad attempt to try and accomplish that ideal. It still feels more like an archetype than a staff, but for a staff it's not bad. It's a touch unclear whether normal wizard for example could even use this item, though I get the feeling that the answer might be no, which again reinforces the archetype impression. The actual spell list is fine, though I'm surprised to see you didn't include air walk there. As a whole I can respect your execution of an idea, it's just the idea I'm not too wild about.

13) Skewer Shield:

The wording of this item needs some work. I have difficulties envisioning how this item even works mechanically. How exactly can you attach the weapon to this shield and what kind of a strap is there that can hold both a thin dagger and a wide scimitar in equal measures. Plus the actual rules talk is a touch vague and open to interpretation. The biggest problem to me though is the imagery. This seem overly comical to me. I hear a cartoon spring sound whenever I read the line about the weapon shooting out of the shield. I can see what you were going for, but it needs to look less odd when you try to imagine it with your mind's eye. A shield that takes in a weapon and then uses its statistics to shoot out a projectile is a valid idea - though I think the weapon should not return - but you need to rethink how you want to do it.

14) Catapult Ring:

This actually has the same problem as Skewer Shield. I simply keep hearing cartoon noises when I try to imagine it being used. I also don't like how it allows for no save, though at least there is a melee touch attack requirement. It also makes no sense how a willing target can try to grab something and land more softly but an unwilling can't. Sure it's a shock to be suddenly flung away, but 60 feet is a long way to fly. Aside from that the rules talk is solid and I like that you try to take different scenarios into account. It would also be logical if you could affect the trajectory somewhat. All in all I can see the appeal, but it's just too Looney Tunes for me personally.

15) Living Copperthread Net:

I probably should have guessed this one was yours. *smile* The imagery and the writing style are full of your customary cheer and I can appreciate that. It seems to me that you would spent a lot of gold constantly repairing this item if you didn't have access to the right spells. I'm also not a huge fan of grappling in general - anticlimactic if you ask me - but that's a personal bias. To me this is a solidly written item that shows a lot of creativity and ability to find new options. Not one of my personal favourites, but I'm glad people have seemed to like it. Keep up the good work!

16) Shield of Compassionate Radiance:

Very class specific item, which is not bad in my books, but can turn some people away. Aside from that, it's a solid item for anyone who can utilize it and would be likely to see a lot of use in combat, which is always nice. The main problem is that it doesn't do anything all that new, it just helps the character do his normal stuff slightly better. Though the extinguishing thing is definitely a step in the right direction. Also, if you're going to use her holy symbol, you might as well reference Iomedae directly. But, all in all I like this item. Not one of my favourites, but it's solid and shows good skill. Focus on being slightly more creative.

17) Jailbird's Sweetheart:

Love the name, overly dramatic though as it is. Dodgy is also a nice word. I'm kind of iffy about how this dagger tries to tell how a player would treat it, but ability-wise it's very solid. A simple ability, but one that would definitely come in handy in most campaigns. I'd be very happy to receive this as part of loot. The attuning thing on the other hand is less good. I get the sweetheart reference, but it's still backstory which isn't needed, especially the last sentence. A simple need for a command word upon activation would have sufficed. Perhaps even something along the lines of "Once per day, by calling for his darling blade and whispering a term of endearment into any keyhole, the wielder can pull the dagger..." That's still sort of dictating roleplaying terms to the player, but it might be less jarring.

18) Weapon Trap Shield:

There's really nothing overly wrong with this item. Disarming shields just happened to be a thing this year, which against this one as well, unfortunately. As a standalone item, I think this one is fine. It's not all that flashy or exciting, but it fulfills its purpose well without being overly powerful. The ability for the wearer to still use his weapon doesn't really mesh well with the fact that the enemy also has only one hand stuck in most cases. It also seems a touch underpriced. The reason why I didn't vote for this more often is that I honestly don't like disarming or grappling, it's a pet peeve of mine. I prefer my fight to be exciting and testing, and both of those combat maneuvers feel like cheat codes to me. But that's just my personal preference. I urge you to keep designing, as you have an eye for the basics and any good game needs that more than most other things.

19) Ragathiel's Regalia:

Love the empyreal lord theme. They don't get enough recognition in my opinion. Also the use of two different materials is a nice touch. Alas the rest of the armor is simply a fly spell in a can. And that, my friend, is not Superstar. Had it done something more, perhaps using the wings for shielding in some fashion, it could have been better, but now it feels like a good base for an item, nothing more. It's also ridiculously expensive. Still, I love the name and the theme, and I'm sure next year you'll have a better grasp of what's expected. Hope to see you then.

20) Perpetual Vortex Staff:

I didn't see this one during the voting, nor during keep list trading. I actually like this one a lot. It doesn't exactly fulfill the requirements for a staff, feeling more like a wondrous item ability-wise, and it's also distractingly futuristic in imagery, but the abilities themselves are really solid. Though some minor complaints: I wish steps of faith could be renewed as a free action and spending of charge, if the wielder to wishes. Throw the first stone should convey what kind of condition is bestows because of being buried, there are rules for it. Now it technically seems that the only drawback is the one dealing with somatic components, although clearly the target should be at least entangled and possibly even approaching helpless. Cleansing vortex is my favourite ability because that bull rush image is just so awesome. I want to use that power. But the swirling discs should bestow either a shield bonus or concealment. -4 penalty is more likely to come from a wind effect or the like, not from a physical barrier. Still, this just made my personal favourites list. Hope to see what you come up with next year.

[Feros]

Page 6:

The Pen of Mirado:

This is a Wondrous Item masquerading as a weapon. It transforms from a weak weapon into an over-kill greatsword for damage for bards. If you have to create your own damage stats and crit ranges, you’ve gone too far down the invention road. Stick to actual weapons and modify.

Motherly Love:

Over protective mother syndrome is not a cool image—unique I will grant you. But guilt and temperamental behaviour in a bow? This weapon really doesn’t work for me at all. And bane given to any foe that damages the archer is a little over powered.

Axle of Sky and Storm:

The imagery here is solid and very unique. Unfortunately the power isn’t that of a weapon, but rather a Wondrous Item in the form of a chariot. Weapon powers should be attack and damage oriented in my opinion.

Eremite Rod:

Thematically tight and the design isn’t bad. But I down-voted this a lot as pain items are not my cup of tea. The mace powers are really unnecessary to boot.

Hammer of Besting:

No cool imagery in the use of this Warhammer. Also it gives spell resistance and a Will save bonus for an hour just by killing something. That is a touch overpowered for my tastes.

Ephemeral Staff:

Interesting idea, but I found the description of the visual power outside of the spells and weaponry confusing. What exactly is meant in the seeing of semitransparent overlays? Can they see into the ethereal plane? This isn’t spelled out clearly and could cause confusion.

Staff of the Auraboros:

This entire staff exists to mess about with auras. Interesting and unique imagery there, but not very exciting. There is little to no direct action from anything with this staff. Ultimately this falls flat because I can only think of a few niche circumstances in which it would be of much use.

Staff of the Twinned Path:

The intent for a warrior-mage build is clear. The main problem is that the spell selection is drab and common. Also an extra physical attack for a surprisingly low cost almost every round is a powerful gift for the price.

Cuirass of Distortion:

Not bad with some cool imagery. The auto-hit on the attacker is a bit much even if it only affects 20% of all hits. The dimension door effect for the armor itself is needless.

Energizing Breastplate:

There was some good imagery here, but I found this item to be overly complicated in execution. Some clearer language in the description and a more interesting mechanic would have been better in my opinion.

[Raisse]

Feros wrote:

Staff of the Twinned Path:

The intent for a warrior-mage build is clear. The main problem is that the spell selection is drab and common. Also an extra physical attack for free every round is a powerful gift for so low a price.

I would agree with you about the free attack, except it's not free. Taking the attack requires an immediate action and a charge from the staff.

[Feros]

Raisse wrote:

Feros wrote:

** spoiler omitted **

I would agree with you about the free attack, except it's not free. Taking the attack requires an immediate action and a charge from the staff.

Yes, but recharging it is easy with the spells in question and an immediate action is a fairly low action cost. Given that combats average about 3 to 4 rounds each, this will be used a lot each day, especially as the characters go up in levels and have more spell slots to burn.

You're right however: I will amend my review to say "surprisingly low cost" rather than free though. :)

[Feros]

James Casey wrote:

That being said I have a question for you, and really it isn't just for you. It's for everyone who had the same problem with the item, and not just my item but others as well.... Why? Why MUST a weapon always conform to the prototypes? As a general rule I understand that weapons by and large have offensive/combat focused themes. I also want to point out that 1/3 of my original cost (+2 defender) is combat oriented and the concealment portion is also combat oriented and in theme with the defender. Regardless, why wouldn't a cleric of Sarenrae enchant their Deity's weapon with non-standard abilities? Especially when those abilities are thematic and can serve the faithful of the deity?

Some context- the idea for this weapon was drawn from an existing character I play that comes from the desert and worships a deity similar to Sarenrae. That character is the party's main healer; however she also wades into combat when needed. She also casts a lot of summon spells, since the party was a small party when we started. While this example is very specific, I can't think it is extremely unique. Nor do I think it is out of character for the clergy of Sarenrae to be wielding scimitars that slice as well as augment other powers granted by their deity. There are a lot of clerics of Sarenrae and I am sure there are even more other character classes that worship Sarenrae. Why wouldn't they enchant their deity's favored weapon with the magics/abilities they use? The answer is that they would.

If I had chosen a different weapon type or eliminated the Sarenrae requirement, I would understand and agree with your assessment that the power did not belong with the weapon. BUT I did include it, for that very reason. I could continue my argument, and am certainly willing to do so, but I want to see what feedback and interest this post gets before continuing, because I believe the argument could be made for other items.

The answer is: it doesn't have to comply with prototypes. But the power has to fit the weapon in some way, usually through the visual of the weapon be used on an attack. That's why the dimension slashing swords aren't getting that much flak for it: slashing a dimensional rift is something that can be readily visualized. Your item could even violate this idea if the power in question is overwhelmingly awesome.

Making creatures out of sand fits Sarenrae a little because of her desert connections, but her main areas are fire and sun not sand. Thus the connection is there, but not massively so; it isn't as obvious to me as apparently it is to you. Those different perspectives result in a different way of looking at what fits and what doesn't.

So from my perspective—and let me say this clearly, that doesn't necessarily apply to anyone else other than me—the power did not flow naturally from the design of the weapon. In the context you have given it works better; but a general item description isn't going to include that context. So there is a disconnect.

I think that is why I rarely thought about this weapon through my voting. I saw it as an interesting concept that just didn't fit. Could the imagery and the weapon have been successfully joined? I don't know. But if you had succeeded in uniting them in my mind through your writing this would have been in my Top 20 easily.

[Feros]

James Casey wrote:

Feros wrote:

Page 5:

Sarenrae’s Desert Caller:
Cool visual, but that is one powerful template to place on all summonings that occur while this item is wielded. Also the weapon itself is just giving a power that fits a Wondrous Item more than a weapon. Weapon features should be attack oriented, not augmenting summonings....

Thank you for the review Feros. If the visual grabbed you, then my item did its job. I have posted a revised item here. Let me know what you think.

** spoiler omitted **

** spoiler omitted **...

Oh, and I'll review the revised scimitar when I get to this page. :)

[quillblade]

James Casey wrote:

Question & Mini-rant

Here are my theories, regarding your question. These aren't aimed at your item in isolation, but refer to a number of entries.

While it would be nice to have a published benchmark to measure against, as has been stated, you can find published precedent for all manner of terrible design. Such classics as the dagger of venom (SiaC) and the luck blade (augments saving throws, grants wishes, and one reroll), were they created for RPGSS, would never become finalists IMO - but they are legacies of an older game that continue to exist because they were there before.

Now, one of the problems inherent with coming up with something unique is the caveat that it cannot be too unique - it needs to be something that a player could conceivably make with the Crafting rules. Or that could be placed into any treasure hoard in any campaign and not feel totally out of place.

Items that reference specific Golarion gods, places, etc are fine if they are to be printed in one of the Golarion setting supplements. However, I've noticed that Paizo try very hard to keep such references out of equipment published in their core series (such as Ultimate Equipment), and thus such references are likely to be cut.

Additionally, something whose description sounds too unique suggests an artifact rather than a weapon.

Now, the original Desert Caller:

Comments:

- Firstly, I should mention that I did like your item. I thought the template was a neat idea. BUT I can see why it was DQ'd.
- For me, this was an issue with adding a monster that isn't there (and yes, a template usually counts as a monster). If there wasn't anything published to work with - well, it's unfortunate, but that should have called for a change of concept/design, not a new monster.
- Weapons that summon things has been done (see dancing wasp, AP#49, possibly others too), but again, they don't create a new creature to be summoned by the weapon.
- The weapon is strongly tied to Sarenrae in both name and description, and the weapon's major abilities only function for a worshiper of that deity. This means that adapting the weapon to suit the more campaign-generic Core rulebook series... would actually require a complete rewrite. That's not work that the people at Paizo care to do for an RPGSS entry.
- I think that there is a LOT of room for creativity of design in the RPGSS. But fundamentally, a magic weapon still needs to feel like its primary purpose it to be a weapon. A weapon whose main purpose is to enhance summons to do the fighting for you... well, that might as well have been a magic stick. (It could even work on eidolons, which means it would have been the summoner's stick of choice.)

Those are the main reasons why I think it didn't work. These are just my opinions, of course :)

[Raynulf]

James Casey wrote:

That being said I have a question for you, and really it isn't just for you. It's for everyone who had the same problem with the item, and not just my item but others as well.... Why? Why MUST a weapon always conform to the prototypes? As a general rule I understand that weapons by and large have offensive/combat focused themes. I also want to point out that 1/3 of my original cost (+2 defender) is combat oriented and the concealment portion is also combat oriented and in theme with the defender. Regardless, why wouldn't a cleric of Sarenrae enchant their Deity's weapon with non-standard abilities? Especially when those abilities are thematic and can serve the faithful of the deity?

<snip>

If I had chosen a different weapon type or eliminated the Sarenrae requirement, I would understand and agree with your assessment that the power did not belong with the weapon. BUT I did include it, for that very reason. I could continue my argument, and am certainly willing to do so, but I want to see what feedback and interest this post gets before continuing, because I believe the argument could be made for other items.

Let me elaborate a little on my previous commentary.

The target audience is:
A) Clerics of Sarenrae;
B) Of those, the ones who like casting summoning spells (uncommon, in my experience);
C) And of those the ones who are willing to drop 30,000gp to make their summons better.

That is a very specific, and very small niche.

The most common user of this item would actually be: Summoners

Summoners aren't divine casters, so their worship of Sarenrae is a simple statement of "I worship Sarenrae", and while not proficient in scimitars, it is easily worth switching it to full defender for +2 AC and holding it in the off-hand while throwing freebie summons out.

Given the item description states "summoned via spell", it may be able to be argued it would work on the eidolon too - It's not clearly ruled out to me at least - and that would draw them to this item like flies to honey.

Hence my comment: It feels like a rod, because that is how it would most commonly be used.

[Vanessa Hoskins]

Curious what you guys think...
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Manticore Fist
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 7th
Slot hands; Price 11,005 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
A dozen 1 inch long blackened spikes protrude from this heavy metallic gauntlet. When squeezed tightly, this +1 adamantine spiked gauntlet can fire off one of its spikes at a target as a ranged attack with a range increment of 10 feet. When fired from the gauntlet, the spikes increase to a length of 6 inches. Because the gauntlet regenerates spikes instantly, creatures capable of making iterative attacks may make as many attacks as they are capable of as a full-round action, or a single attack as a standard action. Spikes fired in this way deal 1d4+1 points of piercing damage and count as adamantine. In addition to ranged weapons, the spikes may also be used in a variety of ways including pitons, door stops, tent spikes, and very large nails. However, all spikes fired from the gauntlet disintegrate into dust after 1 hour, on a missed attack, or when removed from their target.
As a full-round action, the wielder may fire a volley of several dozen spikes in a 15 foot cone dealing 5d4+5 points of damage to all creatures in the area, who may make a Reflex save (DC 16) for half damage. Using this ability halts the gauntlet’s ability to regenerate spikes for 1 hour. Two manticore fists may be used at the same time to fire two different 15 foot cones with the same full-round action; creatures in any area of overlap make one Reflex save against both cone attacks.
The damage listed is for a medium sized manticore fist; adjust all damage dice accordingly for different sized manticore fists.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, abundant ammunition or minor creation; Cost 7,005 gp

[Tripp Elliott]

Raynulf wrote:

Summoners aren't divine casters, so their worship of Sarenrae is a simple statement of "I worship Sarenrae", and while not proficient in scimitars, it is easily worth switching it to full defender for +2 AC and holding it in the off-hand while throwing freebie summons out.

This won't work. One must be actively wielding a defending weapon to get the AC boost.

There's a FAQ

[Thomas LeBlanc]

These were just my thoughts during voting:

Manticore Fist - Like phoenix items, manticore items show up every year. Well done item though. Vastly underpriced, never ending adamantine ammo.

[James Casey]

Thank you for all of the feedback re: my post. I appreciate it and it clarifies some of the questions I had. As for the DQ issue, I went back and read the rules and no where does it say you can't put a monster template in your entry. In fact it doesn't say you can't put a monster in your entry. It says you must enter a weapon, shield, armor, rod, ring or staff, which is what I did.

NOW if I had entered a sword that turned into a monster, even one already created that I could have linked to, then I could understand being DQ'd because at that point the purpose of the weapon IS the monster. I created a weapon that was defending, had a concealment effect to protect the wielder and enhanced their spells. That is what my weapon does. I fail to see how creating a simple template is breaking the rules. Would I have been DQ'd if I had used one of the existing simple templates?

Feros:

I appreciate your feed back and response. I think had I followed Thunderfrog's suggestion I would have met your criteria. I at least appreciate that you found the concept interesting and had my writing been a little bit better, I could have garnered your vote. Of course the short time frame we had didn't help me either. This weapon was actually my second choice for entry. My limited think-tank liked it better than my other choice.

Quillblade:

Quillblade wrote:

Now, one of the problems inherent with coming up with something unique is the caveat that it cannot be too unique - it needs to be something that a player could conceivably make with the Crafting rules. Or that could be placed into any treasure hoard in any campaign and not feel totally out of place.

That actually proves my point. Magic makes things possible. Magic makes the illogical, logical. My weapon was created using all of the item creation rules. The item creation rules don't state a weapon has to do x,y & Z. It doesn't even say a weapon should do x, y & z. WE have attached those ideas with the weapons, and all classes of items. Building on my previous argument, substitute whatever god you want from whatever world you want- it still doesn't matter because their worshipers would create magical items that had a connection to the deity, whether it be the deity's favored weapon, aspergillium (yes I know this is a weapon), holy symbol, or I could go way out there and start looking at their domains and the items associated with their domains. The point is that magic doesn't really limit what people can do. WE limit what we can do based upon pre-conceived notions of propriety or tradition. I am not advocating a wholesale movement of magic weapons that have nothing to do with combat. And I accept that my item's theme didn't resonate with some people. What I don't accept is people saying "Well that is a pretty cool thing, but it doesn't belong on a weapon because it doesn't have anything to do with combat; so DOWN VOTE or "Whoa, that is awesome! What a great idea, but shields aren't supposed to do that; so DOWN VOTE" I am not a fan of auto down voting in the first place, so I guess I need to keep that in mind. As for the rest of your comments, I take them in for processing and like Feros' I appreciate them. They certainly will be logged away for future reference.

Raynulf:

Raynulf wrote:

Let me elaborate a little on my previous commentary.

The target audience is:
A) Clerics of Sarenrae;
B) Of those, the ones who like casting summoning spells (uncommon, in my experience);
C) And of those the ones who are willing to drop 30,000gp to make their summons better.

That is a very specific, and very small niche.

The most common user of this item would actually be: Summoners

Summoners aren't divine casters, so their worship of Sarenrae is a simple statement of "I worship Sarenrae", and while not proficient in scimitars, it is easily worth switching it to full defender for +2 AC and holding it in the off-hand while throwing freebie summons out.

Given the item description states "summoned via spell", it may be able to be argued it would work on the eidolon too - It's not clearly ruled out to me at least - and that would draw them to this item like flies to honey.

Hence my comment: It feels like a rod, because that is how it would most commonly be used.

My response-- :P... J/K

A) My experience indicates there are a lot of clerics of Sarenrae and even more worshipers of Sarenrae, and yes, I used that worshiper specifically instead of cleric or priest. (I didn't want to limit to only one or two classes)
B) Every cleric of Sarenrae I know ALWAYS casts conjuration spells. That is the error I think people are making. The primary objective of the weapon was to protect the healer casting Cure spells while in combat. The summon part was an add on which is why I am interested to see people's reaction to the modified version I posted which removed the template.
C)As for Summoners... yeah you are right. I don't like that class so I inconveniently blocked it out when dealing with the summoning. My mind was more on Clerics of Sarenrae as well as Bards, Druids and other classes that commonly use the scimitar. So I agree with you on point C re: Summoners. I don't agree that they merely want to drop 30,000gp so their summon spells are better. Total concealment while casting cure is pretty desirable to even a high level character and I could see a cleric, druid or bard dropping 30,000gp for that.

[Vanessa Hoskins]

Thomas LeBlanc wrote:

These were just my thoughts during voting:

Manticore Fist - Like phoenix items, manticore items show up every year. Well done item though. Vastly underpriced, never ending adamantine ammo.

Yeah, I labored about the price, but considering the base damage is so small (compared to compound bows) and they disintegrate (so you can't sell them) I figured it was right. Might still be on the low side.

The "manticore" business was me trying to find a good name for it.

Original name: Spikeshot Gauntlet

EDIT: Thank you for the feedback! :-D