BLACK-AND-WHITE SWORD
Aura moderate illusion; CL 9th;
Slot none; Price 95,710 gp; Weight 4 lbs.DESCRIPTION
This +2 icy burst keen longsword is perfectly divided down the middle into two halves, one sooty black and the other platinum white. It sheds cool, silvery light when drawn. The black-and-white sword is able to overcome DR as though it were cold iron or silver. The damage from the icy burst property is only quasi-real; objects, and creatures that are immune to illusions, take only a single point of additional damage. If the wielder moves more than 5 feet on their turn, they take on an indistinct, colorless appearance, benefiting from the spell blur for 1 round. The sword has a shadowy power. When it is used to kill a living creature or destroy an undead, it acquires a charge. As a standard action, the wielder may brandish the sword and expend a charge to create a shadow evocation. The black-and-white sword may not collect or expend more than three charges in a day.
CONSTRUCTION
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, blur, shadow evocation; Cost 48,110 gp
I had trouble trying to figure out the theme of this weapon. Its called Black and White but I'm not clear as to why. It is an ice weapon a keen weapon, and it passes DR as two types of special material. It also has something to do with Illusions, and then it lets you use blur but wait it also has a shadow power. To me this quickly became a swiss army knife of abilities which isn't all that interesting. The spell powers that it has are essential spells in a can. It just has to much going on that appear to be an attempt to offer powers that are at the same time opposite and complementary.
Ring of Adaptive Weaponry
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 7th
Slot Ring Price 3,180 gp(Alchemical Silver) 3,500 gp(Living Steel) 3,600 gp (Fire/Frost Forged Steel) 4,000 gp (Elysian Bronze) 4,500gp(Blood Crystal) 5,000 gp (Mithril) 5,500 gp (Cold Iron) 8,000 gp (Adamantine); Weight -- .
Description
This plain ring comes crafted in many materials, the most common being Mithril, Cold Iron, and Adamantine. First crafted centuries ago in Dwarven Sky Citadel of Jormurdun to augment their warriors weapons the secrets to their crafting has be rediscovered by the Wizards of the pathfinder society after walking not only the modern ruins of the Citadel but also the ancient halls during the expedition to recover the Sky Citadel Key Core. Each ring causes a weapon or natural attack in the case of monks to function as if made of the same material as the ring.
Construction
Requirements Forge Ring and Craft Magical Arms and Armor, Versatile Weapon. Cost ] 1,590 gp(Alchemical Silver) 1,750 gp(Living Steel) 1,800 gp (Fire/Frost Forged Steel) 2,000 gp (Elysian Bronze) 2,250gp(Blood Crystal) 2,500 gp
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Varisian Dancing Chain
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot armor; Price 10,250 gp; Weight 25 lbs.Description
This +1 chain shirt, expertly crafted for maximum mobility, is made up of thousands of delicate and decorative interlocking links. The armor has a maximum Dexterity bonus of +6, and no armor check penalty.Most significantly, the wearer may, as an immediate action once per round, attempt to reverse an attack of opportunity made against the wearer. When an enemy attempts an attack of opportunity against the wearer, the wearer may choose to make a reflex save with a DC equal to the enemy's attack roll. If successful, the enemy's attack of opportunity misses, and the wearer may instead make an attack of opportunity against the enemy.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, haste; Cost 5,250 gp*This chain shirt is basically mithral.
*Its other ability will be highly challenging to use (in that often, a character's AC is enough higher than her Reflex save that it will be tough to beat an attack roll that hits with a Reflex save; I suppose it can work on a miss and grant the free AoO anyway).
*Not too interesting
I really liked this one and thought it was creative. This item got my vote many times despite thinking it might not work out with the mechanics. I thought the idea behind it and the theme were cool so with a little work I think this could be redesigned as a super cool item I would love to add as treasure to one of my RotRL games.
I'd love some feedback if anyone has the chance:
Springheart
Aura weak transmutation, moderate evocation; CL 7th
Slot ring Price 850 gp
Description
Occasionally given as a token of affection by fey creatures, Springheart appears to be a dull green caterpillar tightly curled up in a spiral. When placed into the palm of a hand it uncurls, crawls to a free finger, and encircles it. After a few moments it brightens to a lustrous green and gold color. Springheart provides the wearer with 1 temporary hit point, replenished each morning at dawn. On command it begins a 2 round process - on the first round it uncurls, climbs to the end of a finger, and quickly wraps itself in a cocoon; on the next round it bursts forth as an incorporeal butterfly that departs to carry a message to a specific individual as Sending (but without a chance to fail if the recipient is on another plane.) The cocoon then crumbles to dust and Springheart is destroyed, while the incorporeal butterfly returns to the First World after delivering the message.If the wearer should die without having used the Sending power, one round afterward Springheart begins the process on its own, taking the sad tidings to the former wearer's dearest loved one.
Construction
Requirements Forge Ring, Virtue, Sending Cost 425 gp
Okay so this has some really cool stuff going for it. It has a great theme that is executed well and its description is nice...i can see this item in operation and that is a good thing. You should cut the first half of that first sentence, we as players and DM's can figure out the best way to fit an item into our game. I liked that you went for a low powered item however I felt that the items function wasn't all that interesting. 1 temprary hit point and a one shot message spell seemed a let down after the cool visual set up this item inspired in me. This feels more like a wondrous item than a ring in function, though I love the idea of a caterpillar ring giving nature/life giving powers. If the powers had more MoJo I would have given this item more up votes.
Raw Meat Hook
Aura strong enchantment and necromancy CL 15th
Slot none; Price 59,324 gp; Weight 10 lbs.Description
This +2 wounding ogre hook has several wicked barbs along the side, used for impaling foes. It smells of rancid meat, a stench any ogre wouldn’t mind; this also led to its name, a simple one that most ogres can remember.
You gain the ability to grapple by impaling your target with the hook. The wielder can attempt a combat maneuver check to grapple his opponent as a standard action, provoking attacks of opportunity as normal. Due to the weapon's size, you cannot use it to grapple creatures more than 3 size categories smaller than you. You cannot use this weapon to attack while you are using it to grapple an opponent. While maintaining a grapple with this weapon you may only choose to move or do damage. When dealing damage to your grappled opponent, you use the raw meat hook's weapon damage (including bleed damage) rather than your unarmed strike damage. Each round the raw meat hook remains impaled in the target it deals an additional 1 bleed damage, as if dealt by the wounding ability. You are still considered grappled, though you do not have to be adjacent to the creature to continue the grapple.
You may drop the weapon as a free action, ending the grapple, but the hook remains impaled in the target. Removing the raw meat hook is a full-round action that provokes an attack of opportunity and deals the weapon's damage to the impaled creature. While the grapple is maintained, the impaled creature must succeed on a combat maneuver check (DC equal to the opponent's CMD) in order to remove it.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor bleed, hold person; Cost 29,824 gpWill give feedback on others in a bit!
I for one don't think every item in the contest has to be usable by the PC's. DM's want some fun too and I like the idea behind this one and could see some large creatures using this. I think your description is a bit weak and I would suggest just describing it over telling us how ogres smell it or remember its name. The quibble I have with it, orgre hooks are designed to use the trip combat action and I would have like this more if the magic built on that idea instead of adding the grappling effect. Though I do like the idea of an ogre dragging victims around the battle field on the end of a hook. I voted for this several times, but it was not of my top favorites.
Shield of the Fallen
Aura Faint Necromancy; CL 5th
Slot Shield; Price 14,770 gp; Weight 20 lbs.
Description
This +1 heavy bronze shield has a flat face except for an embossed inverted V upon it. On command twice per day, the shield's wearer may use Deathwatch, as the spell except the area is a 10ft. radius emanation centred on the wearer which lasts 10 minutes. This effect ends if the shield is removed.Additionally, if the shield's wearer dies while holding the shield, their body will be held in a state of stasis, as the spell Gentle Repose. Unlike the spell, this effect only works if the person is wearing the shield at the time of the death, and will not work if placed on an already dead body. This effect lasts until the shield is removed from the body.
Originally created on a far flung world by a civilization of warriors known only as Spartans, older versions of this shield have been found with the phrase "Come back with your shield or on it" engraved on the inner side. These shields are now highly prized among warrior families as heirlooms, passed down to progressive generations from fallen parent to child.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, gentle repose, deathwatch; Cost 7,385 gp
I was not a fan of this for two reasons. First it is another item, like many that we have seen this year and in years past that try to avoid character death. To me thats a makes adventuring easy item that tries to skirt the spirit of the game. Just give everyone one of these and then the spell casters don't have to save spell slots to keep the party alive. Second was the reference to Sparta. I can see how the popularity of 300 has influenced this, but for me it didn't fit the genera that Paizo is asking contestants to write for. Either specifically Golarion, or at least something that could fit into any fantasy world like Golarion.
Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9
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I want to take this time to personally thank everyone who took the time to critique the Living Copperthread Net.
I've gleaned a lot from the community-at-large and I'd like to put them in a little list, if I may:
1. Have faith in the players, but be smart about it: It seems the biggest downfall of the net was my fear of repeating existing rules. I did this so much so that I left key elements out in good faith that players could figure it out on their own. This is NOT AT ALL to say they couldn't, but the polite thing to do would have been to repeat the ATK and Damage for the slams and the CMB and Escape DC for the entangling and grappling. It wouldn't have used up THAT many words.
2. As much as people liked the imagery, I need to be careful about imagery: On a few occasions, when people visualized the animated net, they saw the Magic Carpet from Aladdin. One person even equated it to a Pokemon, "Copperthread Net, I choose YOU!"
Now while I do appreciate the nods to the various sources, I need to understand that while it's cute and a little flattering to me, it may seem contrived and hokey to other voters. Personally, I like it. But I should have seen the red flag when a member of my pit crew pointed out the "Magic Carpet" correlation.
3. Monster-in-a-can is STILL Spell-in-a-can: This is pretty self-explanatory. On the bright side, the original design involved throwing the net into an empty space and having it act as a summoned monster. And I'm very glad I had a great pit-crew to point that out.
4. Not everyone will like your item; that's life: No matter what you make; no matter how creative; no matter how visually evocative, there will always be people that just flat-out won't like it. It will happen. And it is a reality. But we all have to be okay with this.
5. This is an incredible community!: The assistance, critique, help, and encouragement that I've felt emanating from this community is absolutely unmatched in comparison to any online community I've ever encountered. Sure, it has its moments, (Top 100 List thread x.x), but we are all human, and we know what we want and like. We also know what we don't want and don't like. But it's wonderful that we can all, ultimately, be a family at the end of the day.
6. I'm entering next year, and nothing is going to stop me!: Also self-explanatory. ^.^
7. Nothing should stop anyone from entering this contest!: So you didn't make top 32 this year. So the critiques you got were not what you would have liked. Why should that stop you. Go back to the drawing board, join the Blazing 9 thread when it comes out. Improve your skills, and win!
8. As far as design goes...I've come a long way from THIS: Yeah, without help from the community and careful attention to the rules, my magic item would have looked like that. So, I reiterate, JOIN BLAZING NINE!! Go ahead, go further into the thread and see how that debacle transformed into a true item with help from the community!
So yeah, that's just a few of the things I learned...but I have to get back to work <.<
Ring of Retrospection
Aura Strong Divination; CL 17th
Slot Ring; Price 50,000 gp; Weight - lbs.Description
A beautiful silver ring with a vertical eye engraving, this item has no effect until activated. When the party is about to engage in a full night's rest, the bearer may activate the ring, a soft blue light emanating from the engraved eye. The wearer chooses one combat encounter from the previous 24 hours (in which he was wearing the ring), and all party members involved share a vision of the battle, reliving their decisions and learning from their mistakes. After the vision, Experience Points awarded for the chosen encounter are doubled. The Ring of Retrospection cannot affect an encounter where any of the party's Hit Points reached 0. Once used, the Ring requires 6 days per party member affected in its last use to recharge.Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, Foresight, Wish ; Cost 25,000 gpTo be honest this was a last minute entry, I only heard of the contest the day of the deadline and only managed to work on it for about an hour before entering it. So the obvious HUGE mistake of Craft Wonderous item instead of Craft Ring eluded me! So besides that DUMB mistake, i'm eager to see what other thoughts people have. Thank you!!
*I dislike this item to a point that it makes me feel bad for being negative.
*I don't like this item either. It's incredibly meta and underspecified.
Ring of Adaptive Weaponry
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 7th
Slot Ring Price 3,180 gp(Alchemical Silver) 3,500 gp(Living Steel) 3,600 gp (Fire/Frost Forged Steel) 4,000 gp (Elysian Bronze) 4,500gp(Blood Crystal) 5,000 gp (Mithril) 5,500 gp (Cold Iron) 8,000 gp (Adamantine); Weight -- .
DescriptionThis plain ring comes crafted in many materials, the most common being Mithril, Cold Iron, and Adamantine. First crafted centuries ago in Dwarven Sky Citadel of Jormurdun to augment their warriors weapons the secrets to their crafting has be rediscovered by the Wizards of the pathfinder society after walking not only the modern ruins of the Citadel but also the ancient halls during the expedition to recover the Sky Citadel Key Core. Each ring causes a weapon or natural attack in the case of monks to function as if made of the same material as the ring.
Construction
Requirements Forge Ring and Craft Magical Arms and Armor, Versatile Weapon. Cost ] 1,590 gp(Alchemical Silver) 1,750 gp(Living Steel) 1,800 gp (Fire/Frost Forged Steel) 2,000 gp (Elysian Bronze) 2,250gp(Blood Crystal) 2,500 gp
My hard drive died recently and this is the most recent draft of my item that I had saved elsewhere. I think it is about 90% written the way my final item was worded. Anyway, thanks for the feedback!
Rod of Bounding Flame
Aura moderate evocation; CL 8th
Slot none; Price 33,920 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This rod looks like a cylinder of fire and functions as a +1 flaming light mace. As a standard action the wielder can extinguish all flames within a single 5-foot square and cause them to leap to another 5-foot square. A creature standing in the target square must succeed a DC 15 Reflex to avoid catching fire. Both the source of fire and the target square must be within 50 feet of the wielder.Three times per day the wielder can use this rod to jump 15 feet into the air and land up to 30 feet away as a standard action. Flames explode around the wielder after landing and deal 4d6 fire damage to all creatures within a 10-foot radius (Reflex DC 15 for half). The wielder is not harmed by these flames. Each consecutive bounding jump after the first increases the radius of the explosion by 10 feet and the damage by 2d6. If the wielder does not bound with her next standard action the radius and damage reset to normal. The wielder must always bound at least 15 feet.
Construction
Requirements Craft Rod, fireball, jump; Cost 16,960 gp
*Price/Cost don't match.
*The increased power for consecutive bounding is confusing. Presumably that means you need to use 2 or 3 of the 3 charges in a row, but I guess it's possible that you can make consecutive bounds with one use by doing a multi-jump? It's unclear.
*The abilities don't excite me either.
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I want to take this time to personally thank everyone who took the time to critique the Living Copperthread Net.
I've gleaned a lot from the community-at-large and I'd like to put them in a little list...
... ...
Great post, Brigg! It's well written and contains some great analysis. If you continue with that approach, attitude, and level of insight for your designs and posts, you'll go far in RPG design.
Wow, Mark Seifter Really disliked my item, so much so he had to say so twice! I do understand though. Thank you and everyone else for the thoughtful critiques. This is how you learn to get better!
Ring of Retrospection
Aura Strong Divination; CL 17th
Slot Ring; Price 50,000 gp; Weight - lbs.Description
A beautiful silver ring with a vertical eye engraving, this item has no effect until activated. When the party is about to engage in a full night's rest, the bearer may activate the ring, a soft blue light emanating from the engraved eye. The wearer chooses one combat encounter from the previous 24 hours (in which he was wearing the ring), and all party members involved share a vision of the battle, reliving their decisions and learning from their mistakes. After the vision, Experience Points awarded for the chosen encounter are doubled. The Ring of Retrospection cannot affect an encounter where any of the party's Hit Points reached 0. Once used, the Ring requires 6 days per party member affected in its last use to recharge.Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, Foresight, Wish ; Cost 25,000 gpTo be honest this was a last minute entry, I only heard of the contest the day of the deadline and only managed to work on it for about an hour before entering it. So the obvious HUGE mistake of Craft Wonderous item instead of Craft Ring eluded me! So besides that DUMB mistake, i'm eager to see what other thoughts people have. Thank you!!
*I dislike this item to a point that it makes me feel bad for being negative.
*I don't like this item either. It's incredibly meta and underspecified.
These aren't my comments I'm posting (or at least, not only my comments). It's an amalgam of all comments from the judges' chambers. So at most one of those was from me.
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Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9
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To be honest this was a last minute entry, I only heard of the contest the day of the deadline and only managed to work on it for about an hour before entering it. So the obvious HUGE mistake of Craft Wonderous item instead of Craft Ring eluded me! So besides that DUMB mistake, i'm eager to see what other thoughts people have. Thank you!!
Gotcha, so all the judges hated my item, good to know I guess! Thanks again!
With all due respect, Mr. Colon, you cannot initially state that you only spent an hour on your item; expect critique; then react in such a way that is perceived by others as you taking it personally and not accepting help. That's not how this works; that's not how any of this works.
Please understand that one of the cardinal rules for item submissions is to make sure your item does not make GMing harder. When I read your ring, I found it an interesting concept. But then I saw it as a GM's nightmare. I don't GM often, but I know from the bottom of my heart that I would not want this ring to see the light of day in any campaign I run.
Don't get me wrong, I definitely appreciate the fact that you fearlessly dove into the contest head-first. It's very brave! But now that you are aware of the contest, it would benefit you to merge in with the community to hone your skills and understand the finer points of competing. Because if your last-minute entry showed us anything, it's that you want to be part of this.
You are doing yourself a disservice by chalking it up to "All the judges hated my item". Join Blazing Nine when it comes out and show us what more time and more careful planning on your part can do!
I'm sure you have a gem inside you waiting to come out!
Thanks for the review on Springheart Andrew!
After Round 2's voting ends, I intend to respond to the (awesome) criticism about my item as well as provide some feedback to some items I voted on or caught my attention. I remember the Ring of Retrospection, so I'll at least give my thoughts about it now. Maybe elaborate why the judges disliked it.
Ring of Retrospection
Aura Strong Divination; CL 17th
Slot Ring; Price 50,000 gp; Weight - lbs.Description
A beautiful silver ring with a vertical eye engraving, this item has no effect until activated. When the party is about to engage in a full night's rest, the bearer may activate the ring, a soft blue light emanating from the engraved eye. The wearer chooses one combat encounter from the previous 24 hours (in which he was wearing the ring), and all party members involved share a vision of the battle, reliving their decisions and learning from their mistakes. After the vision, Experience Points awarded for the chosen encounter are doubled. The Ring of Retrospection cannot affect an encounter where any of the party's Hit Points reached 0. Once used, the Ring requires 6 days per party member affected in its last use to recharge.Construction
Requirements Craft Wonderous Item, Foresight, Wish ; Cost 25,000 gp
1) An item that gives you experience for doing nothing is game breaking in a very unfun, metagaming way. Increasing the price doesn't make an already broken item any better.
2) When designing an item, you need to think of both the players and GM. The item should make the game fun or interesting for both. At the very least, not annoy the GM. This item isn't really that fun for either party. It gives the players a very meta, purely mechanical benefit while taking the power of XP-giving out of the GM's hands. No sane GM would allow this item in their games.
3) An "encounter" is a gamemastering construct, not an actual term in the game. Most game content like items and classes are written as if intended for characters and tend to avoid using metaconcepts. For both these reasons, you won't find terms like "CR," "encounters," and "XP."
4) Another problem with using metaconcepts that only apply to PCs raises many questions about what happens if an NPC uses it. NPCs never gain XP or level up unless the GM lets them. What would such a ring do for an NPC?
5) I do think the flavor is kind of cool. I like the idea of an item that lets you relive a past experience. I'm not sure how that would work without giving the GM headaches. Maybe allowing someone to "visit" a previously visited location to investigate it? Would be great for an investigator. However, this item certainly doesn't live up to the possibilities for such an item concept.
6) There's also formatting errors. Magic items in text should always be italicized and lowercase. The same goes for spells. "Strong divination" and "ring" should be lowercase in the template. In addition to getting the wrong feat, you misspelled "wondrous."
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Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9
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Brigg:
None of my previous posts were written with any sarcasm or defensiveness at all. I was sincere in my gratitude for everyone who took the time to even just say they didn't like the item. Obviously the response from the judges wasn't positive, and putting my item out there just to have the response only be two quotes from the judges on how much they disliked the item seems a little less than, constructive id say?
But in the end it was fun to enter the contest, I totally own up to the fact that this was done last minute, and am grateful once again for the feedback.
Thank you!
My perceiving sarcasm is the classic case of tone not carrying well through text sometimes. ^.^''
My bad.
** spoiler omitted **
** spoiler omitted **
** spoiler omitted **...
Thank you for the notes on the Lash of Wild Roses.
I'd considered an effect where the entangled creatures alignment was revealed by the color of the rose. It would have swelled the word-count, and i'm not aware of the alignments already having a color code, so i'd have to explain it. I could see replacing the entangle effect with something that places a colored rose on the target of a strike, like a corsage.
All of this would only be commonly useful to the neutral aligned fey and druids, so still not Superstar, but I'd appreciate feedback on this variation.
Thanks again, and to all who are providing great feedback!
Thanks for the feedback Mark. My thought during design was the fact you had to choose between cover and the aid another bonus from bodyguard was sort of a moot point because most people who've chosen to go that route were also adopted by helpful halfling...Curious for feedback on my item.
Brother’s Guard
Aura Moderate Abjuration; CL 8th
Slot Shield; Price 9,170 gp; Weight 15 lbs.
Description
This thick +2 heavy steel shield is forged from the strongest dwarven steel. The wielder of the shield can actively defend an ally. As a move action they can grant themselves or an adjacent ally partial cover against the next attack as long as that attack comes before the beginning of their next turn. Additionally when the wielder uses the aid another action to interfere with an opponent’s attack, they can choose to forgo the shield’s bonus to AC for one round to instead grant the ally cover against that opponent’s next attack.
If Torag is the wielder’s patron, the wielder can call upon the Forgefather’s blessing to protect an ally at great personal peril. Once per day when the wielder has granted cover to an adjacent ally by one of the two above abilities and an area of effect attack requiring a reflex save targets both wielder and ally, the wielder can choose to forgo their saving throw as an immediate action. This allows them to use the shield and their body to grant improved cover to the ally against that attack. This must be done before either reflex save is rolled.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, Shield Other or Stone Shield; Cost 4,670 gp
*Given the price of a +2 shield and a +3 shield, this shield offers quite a few additional abilities for its price.
*In particular, however, the Bodyguard feat breaks this shield, since it allows the shield's wielder to use numerous Aid Another actions, each one granting cover.
Aha, that's good information because it means I have one more bit of feedback for you on clarity: I thought that the "instead" applied to the shield's bonus to AC, such that the helping halfling benevolent armor Bodyguard was adding cover on top of all that. But it seems that "instead" applied to instead of the effects of Aid Another. That would be a totally different trade indeed! So to you and to all contestants, be careful on scoping things like anaphora and cataphora. They're super tough (trust me, before Paizo, I was doing AI research that included anaphora and cataphora resolution, and it's even tougher for computers).
No problem, Josh Colon. Be sure to stick around and vote for Round 2's maps and continue to help us crown the next RPG Superstar.
Here's another item I remember encountering.
Ring of Adaptive Weaponry
Aura Moderate Transmutation; CL 7th
Slot Ring Price 3,180 gp(Alchemical Silver) 3,500 gp(Living Steel) 3,600 gp (Fire/Frost Forged Steel) 4,000 gp (Elysian Bronze) 4,500gp(Blood Crystal) 5,000 gp (Mithril) 5,500 gp (Cold Iron) 8,000 gp (Adamantine); Weight -- .
DescriptionThis plain ring comes crafted in many materials, the most common being Mithril, Cold Iron, and Adamantine. First crafted centuries ago in Dwarven Sky Citadel of Jormurdun to augment their warriors weapons the secrets to their crafting has be rediscovered by the Wizards of the pathfinder society after walking not only the modern ruins of the Citadel but also the ancient halls during the expedition to recover the Sky Citadel Key Core. Each ring causes a weapon or natural attack in the case of monks to function as if made of the same material as the ring.
Construction
Requirements Forge Ring and Craft Magical Arms and Armor, Versatile Weapon. Cost ] 1,590 gp(Alchemical Silver) 1,750 gp(Living Steel) 1,800 gp (Fire/Frost Forged Steel) 2,000 gp (Elysian Bronze) 2,250gp(Blood Crystal) 2,500 gp
1) A ring that modifies your weapon attacks actually sounds kind of an interesting design space. I like giving unarmed strikes and natura attacks special material properties, but I'm on the fence whether it's a good thing for normal weapons.
2) No visuals. That's a huge mark against you in a competition where both the voters and judges favor items with cool visuals. For an item like this, it's a big missed opportunity. It would be fun to imagine a creature's claws or a monk's fists have a metallic sheen when they use this.
3) Almost the entire description is pointless background information. You're submitting an item, not a story. No one cares where the item came from. Quite frankly, it's impossible for PCs to know this information anyway.
4) The item needs a bit more to it, especially to be superstar enough to show your design skills. I would have maybe added special abilities depending on the material or something. If you can concisely write the item's description into a single sentence, that might be a sign your item doesn't have enough meat on its bones.
5) Tons of formatting errors. Spells should be lowercase and italicized. The template fields should be lowercase. Why did you capitalize the names of special materials, "wizards," and "citadel?" They're not proper nouns. Pathfinder Society is a proper noun because it's the name of an organization, and yet you left it lowercase. I'm not sure why Craft Magical Arms and Armor is here when it's not a weapon at all.
Well, now that a disaster at work has settled from "mitigation" & "recovery" into "replace things and move on," I want to get my Round 1 entry posted for critique. Sorry for being late to the game, but 7-day work-weeks suck.
Campaign Staff
Aura strong conjuration; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 143,000gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This stout iron-bound oak staff is topped by a fist-sized knob of polished granite, carved so that the entire staff resembles a castle watch-tower of worked stone. Inspired by the fluid nature of magical warfare, a campaign staff allows its wielder to function effectively in both offensive and defensive siege roles via access to the following spells:
- rampart (2 charges)
- move earth (2 charges)
- transmute mud to rock (2 charges)
- transmute rock to mud (2 charges)
- wall of stone (1 charge)
- magic siege weapon, greater (1 charge)
The wielder may also spend charges to summon Medium, Large, or Huge earth elementals to serve as assistants to repair damaged structures, clear heavy debris, or wreak havoc on the enemy.
- 1 charge – 1 Medium earth elemental
- 2 charges – 1 Large or 2 Medium earth elementals
- 3 charges – 1 Huge or 2 Large or 4 Medium earth elementals
Summoned elementals remain for 10 rounds and only one such summoning can be active at any time.
Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, magic siege weapon, greater, move earth, rampart, summon monster VI, transmute mud to rock, transmute rock to mud, wall of stone; Cost 71,500gp
Well, now that a disaster at work has settled from "mitigation" & "recovery" into "replace things and move on," I want to get my Round 1 entry posted for critique. Sorry for being late to the game, but 7-day work-weeks suck.
Campaign Staff
Aura strong conjuration; CL 13th
Slot none; Price 143,000gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This stout iron-bound oak staff is topped by a fist-sized knob of polished granite, carved so that the entire staff resembles a castle watch-tower of worked stone. Inspired by the fluid nature of magical warfare, a campaign staff allows its wielder to function effectively in both offensive and defensive siege roles via access to the following spells:
- rampart (2 charges)
- move earth (2 charges)
- transmute mud to rock (2 charges)
- transmute rock to mud (2 charges)
- wall of stone (1 charge)
- magic siege weapon, greater (1 charge)
The wielder may also spend charges to summon Medium, Large, or Huge earth elementals to serve as assistants to repair damaged structures, clear heavy debris, or wreak havoc on the enemy.
- 1 charge – 1 Medium earth elemental
- 2 charges – 1 Large or 2 Medium earth elementals
- 3 charges – 1 Huge or 2 Large or 4 Medium earth elementals
Summoned elementals remain for 10 rounds and only one such summoning can be active at any time.Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, magic siege weapon, greater, move earth, rampart, summon monster VI, transmute mud to rock, transmute rock to mud, wall of stone; Cost 71,500gp
*Unimpressive SAK staff (the extra summoning power might as well be a set of limited summon monster spells added to the staff).
RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 8
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Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
aka WalterGM
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Similar to David_Bross, any feedback on this would be appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to do this Mark.
Ancestor’s Breastplate
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 11th
Slot armor; Price 14,700 gp; Weight 30 lbs.
Description
Typically passed down as an heirloom, this +2 breastplate is covered in Pharasman script and carries the signs of countless conflicts. When forged, this armor is bound to a spirit of battle. Once per day by shouting a war cry as a swift action, the wearer summons this spirit forth to possess and animate the armor. The ancestor’s breastplate remains animated for one minute before fading.
While animated in such a manner the armor lightens as an unseen force shares the load. This grants the wearer the effects of Armor Training, as the ability of a 3rd level fighter—reducing the armor check penalty by 1, increasing the maximum Dexterity bonus allowed by her armor by 1, and allowing the wearer to move her normal speed while wearing medium armor.
In addition, the animated armor shifts instinctively, helping the wearer dodge blows that might otherwise hit. The wearer is treated as if her Dexterity bonus to AC were the maximum allowed by the armor, regardless of her actual Dexterity score.
Finally, the spirit helps guide the wearer’s hand in combat. Once per round while animated, the wearer gains a +1 competence bonus on a single attack roll.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, guidance, speak with dead, creator must be an oracle with the Spirit of the Warrior revelation; Cost 7,350 gp
Similar to David_Bross, any feedback on this would be appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to do this Mark.
Ancestor’s Breastplate
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 11th
Slot armor; Price 14,700 gp; Weight 30 lbs.Description
Typically passed down as an heirloom, this +2 breastplate is covered in Pharasman script and carries the signs of countless conflicts. When forged, this armor is bound to a spirit of battle. Once per day by shouting a war cry as a swift action, the wearer summons this spirit forth to possess and animate the armor. The ancestor’s breastplate remains animated for one minute before fading.While animated in such a manner the armor lightens as an unseen force shares the load. This grants the wearer the effects of Armor Training, as the ability of a 3rd level fighter—reducing the armor check penalty by 1, increasing the maximum Dexterity bonus allowed by her armor by 1, and allowing the wearer to move her normal speed while wearing medium armor.
In addition, the animated armor shifts instinctively, helping the wearer dodge blows that might otherwise hit. The wearer is treated as if her Dexterity bonus to AC were the maximum allowed by the armor, regardless of her actual Dexterity score.
Finally, the spirit helps guide the wearer’s hand in combat. Once per round while animated, the wearer gains a +1 competence bonus on a single attack roll.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, guidance, speak with dead, creator must be an oracle with the Spirit of the Warrior revelation; Cost 7,350 gp
*Price/Cost don't match.
*Setting your Dex to the armor's max Dex is a very non-Pathfinder design (it's more like an old school belt of giant strength that sets your Strength to a particular amount) in that it gives better benefits the lower your Dexterity is.
If you've posted an item to this point I've critiqued you in my critique thread
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Shield of the Eye
Aura Strong Divination and Transmutation; CL 15th
Slot Shield; Price 107220 gp; Weight 45 lbs.
Description
This +1 ghost touch tower shield has a faint carving of a closed eye, on the front and back, that automatically opens and glows a low red when undead are within a 60-foot radius. While undead are being detected by the shield the wielder can activate it to channel 3d6 positive energy (DC 16) like a cleric for a maximum of three times per day, but only to harm undead. When used to take total cover, the Shield of the Eye, also begins consecrating the ground around it within a 10 foot radius. Additionally once per day when the wielder causes damage to a lich, they are about to discern the current location and object of the lich's phylactery as though they had observed it firsthand.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magical Arms and Armor, consecrate, detect undead, etherealness, locate object, creator must be able to channel positive energy; Cost 53610 gp
Shield of the Eye
Aura Strong Divination and Transmutation; CL 15th
Slot Shield; Price 107220 gp; Weight 45 lbs.Description
This +1 ghost touch tower shield has a faint carving of a closed eye, on the front and back, that automatically opens and glows a low red when undead are within a 60-foot radius. While undead are being detected by the shield the wielder can activate it to channel 3d6 positive energy (DC 16) like a cleric for a maximum of three times per day, but only to harm undead. When used to take total cover, the Shield of the Eye, also begins consecrating the ground around it within a 10 foot radius. Additionally once per day when the wielder causes damage to a lich, they are about to discern the current location and object of the lich's phylactery as though they had observed it firsthand.Construction
Requirements Craft Magical Arms and Armor, consecrate, detect undead, etherealness, locate object, creator must be able to channel positive energy; Cost 53610 gp
*Formatting and wording issues, Price/Cost don't match.
*Tense changes and wording confuse the issue on several of the powers. For instance, the shield "begins consecrating the ground around it". I assume that means it casts consecrate and maybe that the effect lasts for as long as the total defense? I had to make a lot of guesses though. And with the lich, "they are about to discern the location and object of the lich's phylactery as though they observed it firsthand". The tense is even odder, and it's unclear what it means. Is it in an attempt to get around effects like mind blank that normally even foil wish?
Ok, here's my item (without the hyperlinks and minor submission window changes):
Eremite Rod
OK, review time:
Your second sentence doesn't flow right, it needs a re-write, the visuals are ok, but need some tightening.
Reading further, your mechanics also need a re-write in my opinion, I think you need to explain a little bit more regarding the three spells.
I actually don't mind the second paragraph, it meshes with the theme, but it may dilute the strength of the item, not quite sure.
Overall: I think I upvoted the rod a few times, but it didn't impress me that much, it needs more mojo + tighter writing.
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Courtier’s Solitaire
OK, review time:
I don't like the name.
I really like the first paragraph, you give a good description of how the magic works and then in the second paragraph it all goes to hell.
In your second paragraph you lose your item's focus and it becomes inbalanced when compared to the first paragraph's powers, you add Sense motive and Perception bonuses, that is where you lose me.
Overall: keep a laser focus on your item's theme, don't add powers that it doesn't need.
Motherly Love
OK, review time:
Your themes are all over the place.
You are right that I don't care for the mother calling role playing opportunity which isn't even a drawback as it will be glossed over within a session of 2. Your bow is just a swiss army knife and that isn't superstar.
The bane property is appropriate for a bow, the healing is not. That kills you in my book.
Overall: focus focus focus on a theme, I totally get the mother theme, but it just doesn't work for me here. Maybe it should be a different item category (ring)?
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Raven Leather
OK review time:
I like it, but you need to make up your mind: choose one of the powers and swing for the fences. Don't hedge your bets like this.
Overall: very likeable, but focus focus focus
Dynamic Staff
Review time:
1: the staff needs a re-write
2: smart mechanic
3: tracking nightmare?
Your description needs to tighten, I see what you are trying to do here but I am slightly worried about the tracking nightmare it may represent.
This had link's I'm not bothering to restore
Deadeye’s Shepherd
Review time:
Good visuals
Item synergy catches my interest. Thinking about it, I like it more and more!
Lots and lots of powers, hello swiss army knife.
Suggestion: removing the mount and the club powers would have tightened the design more.
Courtier’s SolitaireOK, review time:
I don't like the name.
I really like the first paragraph, you give a good description of how the magic works and then in the second paragraph it all goes to hell.
In your second paragraph you lose your item's focus and it becomes inbalanced when compared to the first paragraph's powers, you add Sense motive and Perception bonuses, that is where you lose me.
Overall: keep a laser focus on your item's theme, don't add powers that it doesn't need.
Maurice you pretty much summed up exactly the consensus on my item. Thanks! :D
Thanks for the feedback, folks! After submitting and during the voting process, I came up with a few changes that I think would improve the Campaign Staff, several of which have been borne out in the feedback threads. While that does me no good in RPGSS15, it *does* indicate I'm heading in the right direction.
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Ok, time for my first 10 critiques in this thread (having recently finished critiquing all of the top 36.
What am I looking for, here, when I judge these items? Well, my crtique is going to be a little different than most others because my primary focus is on rules knowledge, clarity/simplicity, and usability. You can come up with the most creative item on the planet, but if nobody is going to actually use it in a real game, who cares? And it doesn't matter if nobody uses it because it's obviously too strong, too weak for its price, too confusing/complicated to actually adjudicate at the table, or just too niche to have an actual target audience.
What I am generally not looking at is flavor text. Descriptions of your item will only hurt if the item evokes imagery I dislike. I care about theme, of course, but a crow item that blinds and has pilfering hand in it is thematic enough--I don't need to read about different kinds of dark wood were used and how many crow parts are sticking out of it. Honestly, I'm just going to describe your item however I like when I run the game anyway.
Finally, know that I did not read any other critiques of your item yet. These are all my first thoughts based only on the item itself, so, I apologize if I repeat things others have said already.
Now, let's get to it!
Second, I understand that both powers of the weapon use the same 30' path of wind, but because that isn't clear right away, the first use of it makes it seem pointless. Why would it create a 30' line of wind if it only bullrushes the first guy? You don't find out until the next paragraph. I'd have actually switched the order of the power explanations to make it clear why there's a 30' path of wind regardless.
Third, I find it odd that your allies get a bonus when moving along the path in either direction--it seems like, thematically, they should only benefit while moving in the same direction. The way its written, though, it seems like you can send the wind towards them, and they can run towards you with the benefit.
Finally, Bullrush is a weak combat maneuver, and your writing there lacks clarity. Bullrush usually involves movement on the bullrusher's part, for example, and it's not laid out clearly what bonus you use (do you get the weapon's mods for this, or just your own as per a standard bullrush? Do you get to add feats like Improved/Greater Bullrush? etc.).
If my party found this, well, damn, it's crazy expensive for just a +1 weapon. You get bonus points for it being a Scimitar (one of the most common weapons wielded in the game, up there with Rapiers, Falchions, Greatswords, and Earthbreakers), but, 18k for a bullrush + ignoring difficult terrain for one round is just to much.
Oh, and I think the spell requirements are odd--why air step/bladed dash rather than featherstep?
Overall, it was just ok.
If my party found this, I doubt we'd have a use for it. The only negative channelers in a typical game qualify for (and acquire) the Versatile channeler feat anyway, and it hurts positive channlers too much to bother with. The only people I can imagine custom ordering this are evil clerics that want to heal living allies, and even then, there are probably better options.
Overall, almost good, but too much of a downside for no reason means there's no audience here.
1) It didn't make sense to me that the shield spewed chemicals when you got hit, because being hit implies they didn't hit you shield. And it doesn't trigger at all when you bash with it, either.
2) The splash weapon/bomb hits automatically, which is just not done in Pathfinder. There should always be an attack roll or save involved--some way to avoid the effect.
3) The item was clearly meant for an Alchemist and benefits them most (also, to a lesser degree, Investigators, certain kinds of Rogues, and Arcane Bomber Wizards), but none of those classes can use shields without taking a feat just for that purpose. That kills its potential audience--now, you're counting on one of those classes to take the feat or for another class that uses shields to bother with Craft (Alchemy). And in that case, you're still cutting huge chunks of your audience out because it's a Light shield, which is mechanically pointless. If you want to bash or get the AC, you're going to use a heavy shield. If you want a free hand, you're using a buckler. Light Shields are literally the worst of both worlds. So, using one is kind of like a penalty in and of itself.
If my party found this item, we'd think it was really cool until we realized nobody could effectively use it. For someone to custom order it, they'd need to be a really bizarre build I can't figure out. Price doesn't even matter because there's nobody to wield it anyway.
Overall, I'm sorry, but, as cool as it is, it's just too impractical.
Well, that and the fact that Monks are not actually proficient in its use, so they need a special feat just to wield it. And the fact that it ONLY helps monks. It probably should have been a Temple Sword.
If my party found this item, we'd keep it in a second if we had any monks or high Wisdom characters willing to dip Monk. We'd sell it otherwise. This item was made for custom orders, though--people will build characters entirely around this item.
Overall, good, but not great. Still good enough to make my top 32, though.
For example, giving people in the cloud the blinded condition is not really correct. Blocking all vision is sufficient, because there are special powers that let you see through clouds and stuff. Plus, it's only 10' high. What about Huge creatures? They're 15' high, so can they see still, or do they go blind, too?
It's also bizarre that they are specifically making an Overrun maneuver to get out--were you tossing a bone to the people who foolishly bothered taking Improved Overrun? Does it carry the same restrictions? If a large target is wearing the armor, is a small creature unable to escape, since they couldn't normally overrun a large creature? Speaking of larger creatures, if a large creature has two squares in the cloud and two out, can they move or must they overrun first?
There's also an incongruity with the fact that it's just a chain shirt (not even Mithril!), but it relies on your CMD. Characters with the best CMDs tend to wear at least Medium armor (i.e. Mithril Breastplates). Who is this armor for?
And yeah, I dislike daily limits--3/day is just not enough. Plus, the price is pretty steep. It looks like the ash cloud ability is costing 15k of the 19k this costs. That's just way too much that isn't directly contributing to the armor.
If my party found it, we'd think it was cool, but probably ultimately sell it. There's just nobody to wear it (i.e. someone with a high CMD that wants to wear just a Chain Shirt), and it's too pricey anyway. I don't see a practical audience for this item, so, custom orders seem unlikely, too.
Overall, nice idea, but the pieces don't really come together correctly, and the writing is a little sloppy.
Then, you have, well, an evil item, that auto-raises people you kill with it as zombies. I'm not a fan of evil items, but it's not even a very practial evil item. You have to actually kill, specifically a human, with this dagger, and they need to be the last guy you kill in a fight or else you're going to be fighting the rest of the combat without your weapon.
Then you figure a +1 Humanbane Dagger should cost something like 8k gp, meaning you're paying 8.5k for the 1/day Animate Dead. You could probably get a better deal out of a wand of Lesser Animate Dead.
If my party found this item, we'd probably be upset because we wouldn't want to sell such a dangerous, evil item and risk it landing in evil hands, but it'd be a huge 16k WBL sandbag around our necks. I can see this maybe being custom ordered by a creepy evil necromancer that liked getting their hands dirty, but, it's really not worth it in practical terms.
Overall, not very good, sorry.
While technically correct, it's still strange to see grapes called berries. It'd be like if I were talking about fruit and used tomatoes as my example. You also don't specify how many berries are grown each day (just that it's enough for a medium creature), and Goodberry targets a specific number of berries, so it's at least somewhat relevant. I also find it strange that the berries alone (with no magic like goodberry affecting them) can sustain a medium creature--I don't know anyone that could survive solely on berries, they would need other stuff, too, like protein, etc.
The real problem, though, is the cost. I'm not saying you did anything wrong here--the cost could very well be correct while still being problematic because Pathfinder's cost formulas do not always result in something practical for real use. See, you need to be 8th level before you could have this staff by the WBL system, and that's only if you put half of your wealth entirely towards it. Far more likely, you're looking at 10th or 11th. Since your special ability (as nice as it is) affects a 1st level spell when you're able to cast maybe upwards of 6th level spells, it's just not going to be especially exciting or useful. Unfortunately, spells have shelf-lives when they have saves. At the level you can get this staff, you're only using Entangle for the Difficult Terrain, since the actual Entangle effect won't work.
Oh, and you say it works as Selective Spell, but Entangle is not a valid spell for the Selective Spell feat, as it is not instantaneous. Even if this item was a special exception to that, it leaves it unclear as to what specifically they are immune to--the entangle? The difficult terrain? Both?
If my party found this item, we'd find it interesting, but ultimately sell it (not to mention that only a Druid or Hunter could realistically make real use of it). Nobody would bother custom ordering it unless we were in a very specific kind of game where food was constantly scarce.
Overall, it has some nice ideas, but they're not executed well enough and so it ends up kind of "eh."
A +1 Keen longspear costs 8,305gp, so you're suggesting a scaling bonus to critical confirmation and a bonus attack on a crit is only worth 1,000 gp? No way. That's lunacy. However, and here's the real kick in the pants, because these qualities are on a longspear, there're still not especially useful, even so cheap. You have a huge focus on crits, but the weapon itself only crits on 20 at base. It is just not very cost effective to focus on crits with a base 20 crit weapon. Then, you have to consider the sorts of characters that would bother wielding a longspear--um...bards I guess? Maybe Oracles? Rogues that want to use Strength, maybe? It's such a niche weapon, because you need to basically be stuck with no better option to bother.
The actual effects are also ill defined. What does piercing a new creature mean? Do I have to hit a new creature? Do I have to just attack it (but, say, fail to beat it's natural armor)? Do I need to do damage (does it count if I hit it but fail to beat its DR)? It's too ambiguous, and "when combat ends" is not a valid duration, either, because combat does not begin/end like hostility in an MMO. It's something GMs can make judgment calls on, of course, but they shouldn't have to.
Attacking the creature "standing behind the original target" is also incomprehensible in Pathfinder terms. There's no facing, so "behind" means nothing. Is standing an important rules term? Does it fail if (after figuring out what "behind" means) the target is prone or flying? You really should have used language involving a "line" attack instead to get across what you meant.
Finally, this is not technically incorrect, but it goes against convention. In general, Pathfinder items have their descriptions first and their mechanics second. Reading it backwards this way comes across awkwardly.
If my group found this, we'd like the idea of the effect, but it's more likely than not nobody would be using Longspears, so, in context, it's pointless. In its current state, it lacks the clarity needed for custom orders--you want to know what you're ordering, right?
Overall, I think your line of thinking is nice (the idea of a spear that pierces throught people), but there are too many mechanical problems and clarity issues to rate it highly.
For one, let's start with the price. A +3 reflecting suit of full plate should cost 65,650. That means either you thought you could give away all of those extra abilities for 150gp, or you thought you could give them all away for free, and you thought masterwork armor cost 300gp, not 150g. Either way, that's a red flag for me that your system knowledge is weak. Further evidence? Reflecting is a shield only armor enchantment.
"Any creature worshipping a deity with a nature theme may add this armor to the list of armors in which she is proficient."
What does that mean? Worship is not well defined--can I just throw some gold at a shrine and get free armor proficiency? Do I need to attend regular services? Whats the threshold defining worship? Can I worship multiple gods? And what is a "nature theme?" Does Brigh count, since she gets the Earth domain and Earth is part of nature? This is exceedingly unclear.
Then, you get to its special spell stopping ability. It uses its wearer's level? Items don't do that. At least use the armor's caster level. Then, it calls for a concentration check, but never gives the base DC, only the modification (wearer's level). Then, it gives the expeditious quality for an hour (with the bizarre visual of being covered in winged insects that never fly away, get smashed or, well, anything--for an hour). The expeditious quality allows you to do something three times per day for one round at a time. So, you can do something three times (for one round each) during this one hour period? Or was it a clumsy way to suggest it raised your base speed by 10 for an hour? How does this ability actually work?
If my party found this item, we'd probably quibble over what it actually did and who could use it, then likely sell it to save on confusion. It's not Mithril anyway--I've never seen anyone who could afford 66k in armor wearing metal armor that wasn't Mithril--it's too useful. Items without a clear effect do not get custom ordered.
Overall, you were on a lot of keeper lists, so you did something write with your creativity and descriptions, but the mechanics are incorrect, unclear, and impractical, so, I'm sorry to say this did not rate highly with me. I believe you have a shot at winning next year, though, if you clean up your system knowledge.
Inflict Moderate Wounds and Disguise Self feel like bizarre spell choices. I can't think of better ones immediately off the top of my head, but I'm sure there's something that fits more. Oh, and you missed keen edge for the keen property.
There's also some weakness in writing/rules knoweldge. You shouldn't need to list both flat-footed and denied dex--that's redundant. It's an "all squares are rectangles thing," because you are denied Dex while flat-footed. You could have just left it at flanking and denied dex. Which reminds me, "Flanked" is not really a thing in Pathfinder (it's obvious what you mean, I'm being nitpicky and technical). Attackers can be "flanking," but defenders are not "flanked."
You should not, in general, specifically call out that something is up to the GM's discretion in rules text. The job of rules text is to help remove the need for GM's discretion, plus, by default, everything is at the GM's discretion, so stating it is redundant. Finally, specifying that the 2d6 is precision and that it is not doubled on a critical hit is redundant. No precision damage is doubled on a crit, so you could have left that line off. Oh, and it should be "multiplied" not "doubled," since various effects might increase the crit multiplier of the weapon from x2 to x3.
If my party found this item, we'd have no use for it, since it's custom designed for a party-killing d-bag or evil/npc assassin types we wouldn't be playing as, so, easy sell. I could see, with some better rules language, assassin types custom ordering these, as the price is, in my opinion, perfectly accurate. Of course, holding one is a pretty big red flag to any of your friends that can identify its properties...
Overall, it could use some revisions, but it's not bad, merely bland. I still think it'd be a better weapon quality than specific item, though.
Thanks mplindustries (and everyone else who has critiqued the chrysalis carapace)!
I do want to respond to the reflecting quality...I goofed here. But not in that I didn't know it was shield only...I was counting on that being seen as breaking the rules in an acceptable way. From the feedback I've gotten that was clearly not the case and I take that well-deserved beating back to the drawing board!
The same goes for the spell casting concentration check. I realized later that I edited out what kind of concentration check it was (I had a bit about it being the same as being entangled while casting, the butterflies and such at one point were crawling over the caster) which I kicked myself over because then the DC would be clear! Total lesson learned on OVER editing.
Anyhow, thank you all for your critiques so far, keep 'em comin' for all the items (I'll get back to mine when I finish R2)!
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RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 8
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Star Voter Season 6, Dedicated Voter Season 7, Dedicated Voter Season 8
aka WalterGM
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All good points on my breastplate. I think it started out as a unique idea that, as it was being developed, headed in a direction that was rather bland/impossible mechanically. Which is basically what happened with my item last year. The good news is now I know what to avoid for next year.
Thanks!
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Thank you all for taking the time to give your feeling about my item.
I think the keyword there was boring. And after voting in the 1st round I completely understand why.
RPGSS is THE opportunity for awesome and I just missed it completely.
Glad that no one caught that the original idea was for a wondrous item, which I carried through 2 other RPGSS times without daring to compete before this year ;-)
Tell me what you think.
BTW : this is the second item with the same name. The other was presented for critique on sunday by its designer ;-)
Ring of the Champion
Aura faint conjuration; CL 5th
Slot ring; Price 10,000 gp; Weight —Description
A character can wear only one ring of the champion. Once per day, on command, this ring produces up to 2 duplicates of itself. Doing so dismisses any previously existing duplicates of the ring. A duplicate ring detects as magic and takes up a ring slot. As an immediate action and regardless of their respective positions, a creature wearing a duplicate ring may use the Aid Another action to grant half her Aid Another bonus to the next attack roll that the wearer of the original ring makes or to his AC against the next attack that targets him.Construction
Requirements Bodyguard, Forge Ring; Cost 5,000 gp*Odd wording.
*No spell prereqs.
*It would seem that duplicates can make duplicates, if they are actually duplicates, and they would count as originals toward those duplicates, but I have a feeling that the "duplicates" are not duplicates but instead sort of "servant" rings keyed to a "master" ring and meant to have a different power.
*Immediate action AC or to-hit boosts that the duplicates are just going to spam all day long if they don't have a swift class feature are pretty boring.
I wonder about the first 2 comments, as I honestly do not see what the point is about the wording (maybe because I am not a native speaker). I am obviously missing something, but I do not know what.
Do all magic items need spell prereqs ? I might have missed something there too.
Very good and true point about the not-quite duplicates. And the boring thing too