So I just wanted to say thanks for actually reviewing my item. So far (from what I have found) everyone is just speculating on why it got DQ'd (I already know why...) and not offering any comments.
I don't always agree with you, but I appreciate you taking the time to actually read it and offer your comments. Now I've got something to start from trying to get better.
/tips hat
48) Skewer Shield
<snip>
this is also riddled with format errors and logistic issues.Thanks much for the feedback! If you're so inclined: other than capitalizing the item name in the description (which I realized was wrong after I saw the comment in a lot of Liz Courts' top 32 feedback), could you point me at the other format errors? The formatting was one of the few things I felt pretty solid on, so I'd like to figure out what I'm missing.
Thanks again!
I'm not GM_solspiral, but the templating portions look correct (though I didn't look at price/cost at all, just formatting). However, magic items should be lowercase and in italics in the description, so it should be +1 shield and skewer shield. Returning and anchoring should also be lowercase and italicized.
Not sure if Frank has some other things he noticed.
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59) Staff of the Hidden Blade
The Good: It's really original and mechanically sound which I would expect from you at this point.
The Bad: A magic item providing proficiency to itself feels like a cheat.
The Ugly: The sparse description bothers me as I know you have the chops. For me it's the first thing I look at, can I visually see your item, this is too generic.
Overall: 4 Stars for me, almost 4.5 stars but in all honesty it didn't hit my radar hard enough for me to consider it for top 32. I liked it but it didn't stand out and that's because of the lack of descriptive elements.
60) Staff of entwined elements
The Good: There's an inherent cool factor to shifting damage elements of spells and I actually made something like this back in 2nd ed as a character kit for my homebrew. That was a rambling way of saying you were on to something.
The Bad: I see no reason for this to be a +1 quarterstaff
The Ugly: Staff was the misstep... You should have gone with a Rod and made it do something in addition to simply swapping elements... that would have been the way to make your idea a winner for me.
Overall: 3 stars as is I didn't have strong feelings in either direction. The name didn't land but the description was pretty good which is a bonus good and bad for you!
61) Honeycomb Cuirass
The Good: This was on the edge of awesome for me. The name drew me in right away and I was really ready to love it
The Bad: why do I have to be sticky!
The Ugly: Cool theme, wrong execution
Overall: 4 stars because I liked the image it put in my head. Here's the idea that would have had me- when the cuirass is struck a 5ft only swarm of bees invade the square of the attacker for a round.
62) Deadeye’s Shepherd
The Good: This thing was sexy as hell. Me heart raced a little every time I saw it as a voter as it brought together a cool visual and tight theme
The Bad: Lose the wheels
The Ugly: The summons was a serious misstep and you know better!
Overall: 4.5 stars is my honest self assessment as in I truly felt it deserved to be considered for top 32 but maybe should have been edged out for it's execution flaws. :/
63) Rod of Ghost Teeth
The Good: Finally a rod for the dentist from little shop of horrors! I liked that you load it with real teeth and that it's keyed off of magic missile
The Bad:
The Ugly:
Overall:
63) Rod of Ghost Teeth
The Good: Finally a rod for the dentist from little shop of horrors! I liked that you load it with real teeth and that it's keyed off of magic missile. The orbit language thing was a brilliant bit.
The Bad: I'm going to load it with kitten teeth
The Ugly: Ok so I love Diablo 2 which won and lost you points depending on my inherent snark levels.
Overall: 2.5 Stars for me as it suffers from goofy execution issues like it shouting "Beware" and the aforementioned Bad. It is the only 2.5 star item I'm likely to review poorly then want to rewrite and add it to my home game. The Diablo 2 inspiration sort of made this a love hate and cost you a star on this review.
64) Grandmaster's Plate
The Good: I'm going to say nice job on pricing and formatting.
The Bad: 3 years of Voting and I've seen this at least 3 times before I was impressed the first time...
The Ugly: The visual contradicts the statement it looks like various games of strategy which is just one place where this undermines itself in execution.
Overall: 1 star for me as in meets 2 star criteria for poor concept, execution flaws, and breaks 4th wall in a bad way. This is a harsh critique I realize but that doesn't mean I don't think you can do better. The mechanics are not botched...
65) Sightstealer Rapier
The Good: You pulled off an eye themed item without me wanting to throw things at you for it... this is a high compliment.
The Bad: Eye themed item
The Ugly: DC is meaningless after like 8th level or so.
Overall: 4.5 stars for me as this was certainly a contender I considered for top 32 definitely top 100 for me.
I might not get back to this today... thanks to the field for your patience.
Thanks for the high compliment to my Sightstealer Rapier!
Makes me wonder though, what's the issue with eye themed items?
Thanks for the high compliment to my Sightstealer Rapier!
Makes me wonder though, what's the issue with eye themed items?
2 fold they usually go to a dark place and it was a trope from 2012 in the same way earthbreakers are a trope this year
Marathon Voter Season 8, Dedicated Voter Season 9
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64) Grandmaster's Plate
The Good: I'm going to say nice job on pricing and formatting.
The Bad: 3 years of Voting and I've seen this at least 3 times before I was impressed the first time...
The Ugly: The visual contradicts the statement it looks like various games of strategy which is just one place where this undermines itself in execution.
Overall: 1 star for me as in meets 2 star criteria for poor concept, execution flaws, and breaks 4th wall in a bad way. This is a harsh critique I realize but that doesn't mean I don't think you can do better. The mechanics are not botched...
Thank you for the feedback.
48) Skewer Shield
<snip>
this is also riddled with format errors and logistic issues.Thanks much for the feedback! If you're so inclined: other than capitalizing the item name in the description (which I realized was wrong after I saw the comment in a lot of Liz Courts' top 32 feedback), could you point me at the other format errors? The formatting was one of the few things I felt pretty solid on, so I'd like to figure out what I'm missing.
Thanks again!
I'm not GM_solspiral, but the templating portions look correct (though I didn't look at price/cost at all, just formatting). However, magic items should be lowercase and in italics in the description, so it should be +1 shield and skewer shield. Returning and anchoring should also be lowercase and italicized.
Not sure if Frank has some other things he noticed.
I could be wrong but capitalizing your item name I believe is incorrect. It's the same issue repeated about 5-6 times, if I'm incorrect (possible I am writing these on the fly) amend that to don't hammer the name of your item so much it's jarring to read.
Logistic's issues- many one handed melee weapons would make terrible shield spikes (sickle, mace.) If it creates a slot does the magical bonus transfer... I could see a lot of questions needing arbitration.
60) Staff of entwined elements
The Good: There's an inherent cool factor to shifting damage elements of spells and I actually made something like this back in 2nd ed as a character kit for my homebrew. That was a rambling way of saying you were on to something.
The Bad: I see no reason for this to be a +1 quarterstaff
The Ugly: Staff was the misstep... You should have gone with a Rod and made it do something in addition to simply swapping elements... that would have been the way to make your idea a winner for me.
Overall: 3 stars as is I didn't have strong feelings in either direction. The name didn't land but the description was pretty good which is a bonus good and bad for you!
The reason it's a magical weapon is that it's supposed to basically be a +1 [elemental] quarterstaff, with the continual flame on the end taking on the element determined to be most effective against the target of the staff's elemental assessor so that melee follow-ups/attacks of opportunity are also effective. The spells were also picked for, in addition to the elemental variety, utility of different kinds of attacks to be effective against different kinds of opposition: acid fog for control, cone of cold for large numbers or widely-spread weaker foes, lightning bolt for line formations or long range, and scorching ray for individual targets.
I considered fireball, acid arrow, flaming sphere, chain lightning, and freezing sphere, among some others, as possible other forms, but couldn't get everything to line up by elements, spell levels, iconicness of the spells, or simplicity of mechanical adaptation (fireball was the closest, but I couldn't find a good electric alternate).
If there was a lesser elemental assessor, I probably would have used it, fireball, acid arrow, ice storm, and lightning bolt , shocking grasp, or aggressive thundercloud for a lesser version of the staff.
One of my initial ideas was to use elementally-variable spells like dragon breath but I thought picking iconic elemental spells would be more interesting.
66) Thieving Buckler
The Good: There's a charm to your writing even though I'm going to beat you up a bit for some things your writing has a clear voice I look for in bloggers and folk I have writing fluff.
The Bad: which side is the pocket on, of the front...
The Ugly: Bad choices: don't tell your audience the item is quirky show them, if the item tugs its own toward's things, and takes to being worn it starts to sound intelligent which is mechanically bothersome since you didn't make it intelligent.
Overall: 2 stars for me... I can't get past its quirks I guess.
67) Dimensional Skewer
The Good: The writing is solid as it always is with you. The mechanics are clear, formatting and pricing details are well executed.
The Bad: Will save bothers me for this.
The Ugly: Aside form falling into the portal trope trap this would need errata. Point of origin facing in or out? Would that mean someone in front of me get an attack of opportunity while I'm busy using bob the mook to stab the enemy healer?
Overall: 3 stars for me Mark- sorry to say it as you're work tends to be really really solid.
68) Phantom Guardian’s Ring
The Good: Really cool idea and I'd love to mix it with displacement or mirror image
The Bad: the name lacks something
The Ugly: You skipped item description which is something I do not condone. Worse are the errata issues I'd need for this... If I have a martial art's style that provokes Attacks of opportunity can my phantom Guardian ring do the same? what about the rogue trick that lets me flank with an adjacent ally?
Overall: 3.5 stars as in Upper middling for me. I liked it despite the blemishes but I can see headaches for a GM.
69) Mummer’s Slapstick
The Good: Awesome name and a solidly cool idea
The Bad: Don't give me back story
The Ugly: A smart murderhobo is going to kill everything with a poor will save and use it on friends... It's rife for abuse.
Overall: 2 star despite the many times I up voted this it was almost always because I liked it creatively. Mechanically this is easily broken. I liked it but I would never publish it as is.
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Thank you for the review and I'm glad you liked it. I've actually never played the Prince of Persia games, if you can believe it, but now that I googled it, yeah... that's uncanny. Great minds think alike?Oh gods if you weren't riffing on that it's a 5 star, my main beef was that baddie literally breaks up into shadow crows...
It actually reminded me of the raven priests from Bioshock Infinite (2013) combined with the Murder of Crows plasmid, though I usually give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to items; it is very common to independently come up with ideas that others have as well.
Edit: I should add, I quite liked the item, I just felt it was really a cloak in disguise, given it is thematically and functionally similar to the cloak of the bat, cloak of the manta ray and the other shapeshifting cloaks.... they may not use swarms, but the concept of cloaks that turn you into animal themed thingies is well established in D&D.
69) Mummer’s Slapstick
The Good: Awesome name and a solidly cool idea
The Bad: Don't give me back story
The Ugly: A smart murderhobo is going to kill everything with a poor will save and use it on friends... It's rife for abuse.
Overall: 2 star despite the many times I up voted this it was almost always because I liked it creatively. Mechanically this is easily broken. I liked it but I would never publish it as is.
Thanks for the critique, GM_Solspiral, and thanks for upvoting the item despite its shortcomings. Can you recommend how it might be revised to prevent abuse? Between the low Will save DC, ever-increasing Perform check DC, and the fact that laughing creatures hit by the club stop laughing, I thought the chances of abuse were low. Not to mention the wielder has to first hit a laughing creature to make the Perform check in the first place. In short, I did everything I could think of to prevent abuse. Is this simply a broken concept, or is there some way to salvage it?
Thank you for the review and I'm glad you liked it. I've actually never played the Prince of Persia games, if you can believe it, but now that I googled it, yeah... that's uncanny. Great minds think alike?Oh gods if you weren't riffing on that it's a 5 star, my main beef was that baddie literally breaks up into shadow crows...
*laughs* Thanks, though as Petty Alchemy pointed out in the other thread, I was kind of inspired by Uchiha Itachi from Naruto - though I wasn't consciously thinking about it while designing - so I think four stars is still more accurate.
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It's funny how images and ideas from other sources can creep into your thinking. For instance, I didn't make the connection at the time, but I think that my stiletto may have had a bit of the knife-and-forcefield fighting from Dune lurking somewhere behind it.
It took me a long time to remember this, which maybe somehow inspired my item? It's been so long.
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page 2
70) Riftcarver Bow
The Good: Cool name, solid description, bows are a good design space and an earth bow is fairly original.
The Bad: Feels underpriced
The Ugly: The rift carving power is confusing to me, is it only carving a 5ft square? That's a low reflex save...
Overall: 5 stars for me as in I liked this a great deal and worried it was competition for my own item.
71) Rerouting shield
The Good: The concept of redirecting the forces absorbed by a shield is a sound concept with potential
The Bad: fell into the dimensional door trap
The Ugly: Ok I can look past the occasional typo, misspelling, or grammar mistake but I caught 6 on a casual look. This is a sloppy first draft in my eyes.
Overall: 1 star as in the idea isn't strong enough to get me past an error riddled submission.
72) Rod of Illusory Casting
The Good: This is certainly a cool idea for a rod and it fits well in the rod category.
The Bad: I'm confused at how something can be tipped by a shaft of anything as tipped implies an outer layer at the end.
The Ugly: To me if there's a core issue it is that people vote on things they use or can see using and this is a little too niche to collect a ton of votes. I can only think of a handful if times in the past few years where I've seen a spellcraft check to ID a spell matter.
Overall: 3.5 Stars as in this is an exemplary execution on a non-superstar concept. Maybe if this wen a step further by having a consequence for failing a failed id attempt (like a penalty to saves for example.)
73) Dwarven Armor of Exploration
The Good: You certainly thought out some of the consequences of turing into essentially a pile of mud. Mechanics are clear, which is not always easy to do.
The Bad: Hyperbole like telling us who would like or find something useful is a the type of thing you should learn to edit away.
The Ugly: What about this doesn't work for elves or halflings? Using dwarf in the name without it being themed off a dwarf is a misstep, making my inner middle schooler ask the question "what kind of Dwarf are you looking to explore" is another.
Overall: 2 stars as it falls apart a number of ways for me despite having potential. The fact it only works underground or that the interesting ability amounts to a bunch of non combat numerical bonuses despite potentially being useful for combat...
74) Gnome Splat-Pelter
The Good: Plays into a fun design space, weaponizing an ooze has potential as an idea.
The Bad: First there's the issue that this doesn't feel like a Pathfinder gnome item, it feels like something a mech gnome would come up with which is a wrong system issue.
The Ugly: So you're shooting an ooze at someone and all it does is extra damage it's a disappointment, a flaming burst crossbow would be better.
Overall: 2 stars as the execution flaws took a solid idea and dragged it in the mud.
75) BLACK-AND-WHITE SWORD
The Good: I sort of want to game with you as you display some non-linear thinking and I appreciate that with a GM or fellow player... that said I'm going to beat this up a little.
The Bad: DON'T-SHOUT-THE-TITLE-AT-ME
The Ugly: Why the icy burst and why is it quasi real and where should I look for an example of that. If the black part of the sword has a power shouldn't the white? It's a little weird that it gains charges that can cast shadow evocation... how many charges can it store? If I kill a litter of 5 kittens do I get 5 charges?
Overall: 1 star for a gozo concept with too many 2 star execution flaws.
76) Varisian Dancing Chain
The Good: The core idea is cool the name is cool
The Bad: kill the hyperbole, show us don't tell us what is significant
The Ugly: Missed opportunity to make a skill character shine and make this less mechanically awkward.
-Perform dance skill can be used in place or acrobatics to avoid an attack of opportunity.
-When successful in avoiding attacks of opportunity with dance the wearer may elect to take an attack of opportunity. This counts toward the attacks of opportunity that can be taken in a round
Overall: 4 stars as in I liked this but didn't love it. a polished version of the above for me would have been superstar as it gives skill characters a combat mechanic that makes sense. I feel like you were almost there...
77) Springheart
The Good: When an item tells a story with its mechanics and not going into backstory it is something special. The description and mechanics of this item are actually kind of moving, kudos.
The Bad: The price seems low even if it's a consumable. I'd also rather it cost a lot more and return after a day.
The Ugly: The hit point mechanic doesn't quite excite... maybe a morale bonus instead?
Overall: 5 stars as it in retrospect should have been in my top 32 but I honestly forgot about it. The name is likely the cause of that but still kudos.
78) Raw Meat Hook
The Good: Ogre hook is a cool design choice and it does things I'd like in an ogre hook.
The Bad: 20 words to elaborate and apologize for a ho hum name.
The Ugly: When 2/3 words are further elaborating and explaining something else you've written the approach is flawed. If a power doesn't seem clear or needs further explanation after 1 read then it's too complicated for an impatient voter. You also spent none of those words decribing what it looks like.
Overall: 2 star item with 4 star potential in my opinion. A hook weapon that grapples wasn't going to be a superstar idea, execution flaws make this unpublishable...
79) Shield of the Fallen
The Good: I got where you were going with this right away and I appreciate the history that inspired you.
The Bad: The entire last paragraph needs to be cut, it adds nothing of value to the item description.
The Ugly: How to do what you were trying to do without hitting us over the head with a well known quote... [i]Shield of the fallen can be used as a litter to bear a body reducing the encumbrance penalty as a lighten load. Any body born on shield of the fallen is treated as though gentle respose has been cast on it."
Overall: 1 star as in breaks 4th wall in a bad way coupled with a flawed concept in the first place. Items that you have to die to use properly aren't going to gain a lot of votes.
80) Betrayer's Blade
The Good: Formatting is good, I understand your mechanics on my first read, and I'll give this has some originality.
The Bad: Name doesn't do it for me
The Ugly: Ok so Bluff is really easy to get a huge bonus on and I'm not into it replacing an attack roll. This plus that mask that gives a +10 to bluff (stone mask) becomes a near auto hit for more damage and likely for that type of character a SA to boot.
Overall: 1 star for me as this represents a well executed but inherently flawed concept and has possible abuses...
81) Warbreaker’s Staff
The Good: You took on a tough design challenge by going for a staff and had some success in rethinking a stale item type.
The Bad: Don't give your audience an item's history let the GM do that so it fits in their setting.
The Ugly: Most staff wielders aren't going to take on sundering even with all you did to help them... that makes the item very niche.
Overall: 4 stars for me as it is likeable but so darn niche I couldn't put it in top 100.
82) Ring of the Clockwork Sentinel
The Good: I like clockwork things and I know there's a market for that. You provide a description which is something I look for.
The Bad: Less is more...
The Ugly: By the time I get thru that needlessly complicated description this ring boils down to 3 boring powers... will save to steal or disarm, wakes up a sleeping wearer, and a locate item.
Overall: 1 star for me. This is the first time I've read this item thru I stopped reading this during voting every time because it got annoying. It's an overly complex description and there's a number of execution flaws and clarity issue that the wasted word count could have addressed. I wanted the clockwork to do something more interesting then what this does.
83) Talon
The Good: Ok description, solid formatting, neat design space, and an original design.
The Bad: bad name for a bow
The Ugly: Niche for me as typically my archers are hammers dishing damage rather than trying to heal their colleges.
Overall: 3 stars as this was middling for me. I could see specific characters liking it a lot. The name makes me think of a bird of prey and really hurts the design.
84) Celerity Blade
The Good: This was a contender for my favorite sword. Killer details like the quickling's face, the mercury reference, and ability to use as a light weapon made it for me.
The Bad: Dripping mercury bothers me as mercury is poisonous
The Ugly: Last power should have a will save
Overall: 5 stars for me as in I do love this weapon and want it on a character.
85) Outrider's Band
The Good: Clear mechanics and a market as having a mount for medium creatures can be a PITA
The Bad: when I hear limbs are entangled my mind goes to a less PG place which leads to...
The Ugly: you're merging with your mount? Ok so that seems a little creepy and I might be vain but I rarely have characters do things that alter their appearance in a way I do not like. That's a big enough issue but the worst flaw? Mounts are not always equine.
Overall: 3.5 stars as in it is the best mount themed item but goes to a place that makes me a little uncomfortable and assumes a mount type I actually rarely use when I go with a mount.
End Page 2
Thanks for the review! 4.5 is way generous! :D
Haha, I hadn't thought of the implications for a KO'd character, but I actually think it would be a fun situation to deal with!
I agree with limiting the poison in some way. I'll work on that in the rewrite.
Thanks again!
Begin Page 3
86) Sleeper's Vessel
The Good: Cool name and you clearly get the setting.
The Bad: I'm not spending that kind off cash on a disposable item when I can toss a helpless victim in a bag of holding with a bottle of air and reuse both.
The Ugly: You lose me in the first sentence by trying to tell me how the item is useful and name dropping references that a casual pathfinder fan may very well not know.
Overall: 1 star for me as the core concept is too flawed to work with paired with a number of my bugbears.
87) Ring Of Utmost Need
The Good: I like the concept of a ring that brings the player a skill they could use on the fly. Such a ring can solve issues at a game table when no one has the relevant skill.
The Bad: that first sentence starts strong but rambles.
The Ugly: No limit per day use means that skills are now meaningless making this grossly overpowered.
Overall: 1 star for being massively OP and completely stepping on the skill based characters. You can raise the rating to 3 stars by giving it a 3/day use limit and another +1 star by editing that first sentence into 2 well crafted sentences. It would never be superstar as a skill bonus item will never be.
88) Cryohydra's Coil
The Good: I love the name and item description a great deal.
The Bad: +7 to CMB is a bit much...
The Ugly: Where the AOE is for me is a little unclear. I assume it's from the end of the whip by cracking it toward a target, but it could also be interpreted as animating to fire at a target in front of the bearer.
Overall: 5 stars as in I saw this in the top 32... but as you know it's hard to critique your friends. I could see a lower rating based on power level concerns or clarity issues but I tend to look past on rule of cool grounds.
89) Arroweater Shield
The Good: I dig the arrow catch/eating idea and your writing is clear.
The Bad: Gate spell feels like an unfortunate choice
The Ugly: Ok so the hijacking bit with portable hole and bags of holding is logistically annoying to arbitrate and a creative player is going to find a way to abuse that mechanic... Think about it with an arcane archer.
Overall: 1 star for me. It's another likable item I have to give a 1 star review to based on mechanical issues...
90) Thriving branch
The Good: thank you for not making this a staff... solid name, description, and functional mechanics.
The Bad: The entangle power needs work on the wording
The Ugly: I'd have liked to see you reimagine entangle somehow
Overall: 4 stars for me. I might use it in a game as I really like it a lot but I can't say it would have been a top 32 candidate for me.
91) Breakaway Sword of Beguiling
The Good: I like the spirit of chicanery in which this was designed. It could be revised into a printable item that is useful and quirky
The Bad: price and typos likely hurt you
The Ugly: Simple issue a monster can be an opponent then this becomes a really silly object to deal with...
Overall: 2 stars as execution issues paired with a glaring concept flaw takes down what could be a fun item.
92) Shillelagh of Legions
The Good: I'm not a summoner apologist... I love the summoner and I especially love the Master Summoner so you win point for going to a summing mechanic.
The Bad: flanking bonus is awkward- maybe a morale bonus when 2 legion creatures are adjacent?
The Ugly: As a GM having a rift open permanently is a serious fluff problem... the damage bonus bit doesn't land for me either.
Overall: 3 stars for me. I'd go 4 or 5 stars with the proper rewrite.
93) HERMETIC ARMOR
The Good: Good template and for an hour's work this is really a decent concept to draft... But I'm going to beat this up.
The Bad: SHOUTING THE NAME, is the first misstep.
The Ugly: Ok lets start with the fact you're lactating acid out of your studs, then there's the removal of said studs with no regrowth mechanic so I wonder when it just becomes +1 leather. I can go on...
Overall: 2 stars as I cannot overlook the execution flaws.
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Begin Page 4
94) Disruption Disc
The Good: Based on the number of kill the caster items there's a market for this kind of thinking and the idea has some originality/novelty
The Bad: I'm automatically going to think about Captain America
The Ugly: It is not mechanically simple as there are some questions I'm left with like in what manner does this adhere by the edge?
Overall: 2 stars as when I get past execution issues I'm left with a concept I'm not excited about.
95) Traitor’s Blade
The Good: I like lots of little choices here like the bit about angles and planes of attack
The Bad: Traitor is a value laden word for me which turns me off plus it contributed to being confused with 2 other items because it's just too generic a name.
The Ugly: This is a love hate for me. The shadow bit could work but not the way you did it...
Overall: 3 stars as in middling for me.
96) Rod of Resonance
The Good: Sound mechanics are cool, I like the name, fits into rod design space well.
The Bad: I've seen the magical tuning fork before
The Ugly: Ok so 2 metamagic feats one that can be applied to bardic performance at a severe cost discount...
Overall: 2 stars based on creativity. This is well executed but sort of a copy paste job.
97) RHEUMATIC ROD
The Good: It fits the rod category and the mechanics are clear and well written.
The Bad: SHOUTING ALLITERATION
The Ugly: Breaks the 4th wall in a bad way. This is not the worst offender but I'd minimize putting a real world disease or condition in an item.
Overall: 2 stars for the 4th wall issue.
98) Mimic Skin
The Good: Very well executed mechanics, strong description, and all in all executed on the theme very well.
The Bad: that's a really flavorful way to mimic glamored armor property...
The Ugly: The adhesive slime is a logistics issue for me fluff wise as I want to add mechanics that would likely be drawbacks...
Overall: 4.5 stars as this in my eyes deserved consideration for top 32. It is a little underpriced and it had a bizzaro clone that might have hurt you with voters.
99) Norgorber's Lens
The Good: I personally loved this one... The tie in to Norgorber really worked for me as did the description and the first power.
The Bad: Portal design trope worked against you
The Ugly: The second power is a little confusing as is... I want to errata it
Overall: 4.5 Stars as in I had you as an alternate on my list. I liked this a lot and in my opinion the clarity issue on the second power are what hurt it.
100) Thundering Shield
The Good: The description worked really well for me and I like that it both yells and bites
The Bad: Last sentence would be completely cut if I had my editing pen.
The Ugly: The name sets an expectation that doesn't tie in well with the actual function. There is no critical fail/nat 1 mechanic in Pathfinder.
Overall: 3 stars for me as this was middling for me.
101) Ring of forgotten acquaintance
The Good: You got the formatting right and met a deadline. I understand what your ring does which is a win for someone that has never attempted this before.
The Bad: In my eyes you get 300 words you have to use a minimum of 200 of them. Going too far under word count can be as much an issue as too many words.
The Ugly: Level 12 is not correct, the description on how to roleplaying how to use this is a serious misstep, and at the end of the ay this is a +5 skill bonus that's over priced.
Overall: 1 star for being no where near the mark on a superstar item. Keep at it and get more practice.
102) Tempest Bow
The Good: Great name and you almost had me with the striking with the force of a hurricane wind.
The Bad: Feels a little too sparse on word count.
The Ugly: The key thing with a voting public is to show not tell. You had space to make your own hurricane instead of asking folk to look it up (not even a reference note)
Overall: 4 stars for me as I liked but did not love this item.
103) Dynamic Staff
The Good: You took on a tough challenge by going after the staff space and you can write nice clear mechanics.
The Bad: I dislike the word plain in any item description asking to be superstar.
The Ugly: The brutal truth is that this is essentially ring of spell storing the staff edition. This is not going to win creativity awards.
Overall: 2 stars for me as it meets the criteria for a creativity issue. I think you got caught in your own cleverness with the mechanics and missed that by having no specific theme the item became generic. Prolly the only 2 star review I'm handing out to what is otherwise a publishable item.
104) Staff of Thin Air
The Good: you took on the scary challenge of making a superstar staff and it definitely is an interesting design
The Bad: spell choices don't work for me
The Ugly: the javelin staff throw mechanic doesn't land for me
Overall: 3 stars for me as it was middling in my eyes. The mechanics aren't bad but just felt too anime for my tastes.
105) Skywalker’s Cloth
The Good: You did a really nice job describing the item and the mechanics are simple to understand which is a good thing.
The Bad: The name makes me think of star wars which is not where you want a voter's mind to drift.
The Ugly: It's a little boring. It's a spell in a can with rider effects to make high altitudes easier to deal with.
Overall: 3.5 stars as this displays some writing talent but lacks the imaginative spark that would raise it past upper middling for me.
End Page 4
page 2
75) BLACK-AND-WHITE SWORD
The Good: I sort of want to game with you as you display some non-linear thinking and I appreciate that with a GM or fellow player... that said I'm going to beat this up a little.
The Bad: DON'T-SHOUT-THE-TITLE-AT-ME
The Ugly: Why the icy burst and why is it quasi real and where should I look for an example of that. If the black part of the sword has a power shouldn't the white? It's a little weird that it gains charges that can cast shadow evocation... how many charges can it store? If I kill a litter of 5 kittens do I get 5 charges?
Overall: 1 star for a gozo concept with too many 2 star execution flaws.
Apparently the capitalized title bothered a lot of people. It's not something I even thought about posting the item. The template for the contest noted there was no markup in the Title field, so that part of the template didn't really get used. I just pasted the title from a .txt file, as I often do when do when copying to web forms, and it just so happens I had capitalized it for my own purposes. I was meticulous about following the template format, but this (in my mind) minor formatting issue, outside the template, I guess was a faux pas. Mea culpa, mea culpa.
You know, it's a funny thing, I was worried people would think a shadow-themed item might seeme overdone or cliched. Instead, the thematics were apparently very confusing. Quasi-real is a term that appears in some illusion (shadow) and conjuration (creation) spells. It's icy burst because I originally thought about it being blue-silver flames, but that seemed pedestrian. Thematically, it comes from shadow evocation. Despite the name, shadow evocation can actually do things like lightning bolt or daylight that are actually quite bright.
It's a sword that's made of two metals, that deals with Shadow. It's sort of spooky-ish, but not an evil item, per se. That's really it. Shadow evocation is a 3/day spell effect with a special requirement; if I were going to change one thing, I'd rewrite that to make that more clear.
I am Jack's burning sense of regret... I submitted what I thought was a cool item. Now it's "used up," the item fared poorly, and I wish I could have it back. :)
RPG Superstar 2008 Top 32, 2011 Top 16
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Star Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 7, Star Voter Season 8, Star Voter Season 9
aka JoelF847
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page 2
72) Rod of Illusory Casting
The Good: This is certainly a cool idea for a rod and it fits well in the rod category.
The Bad: I'm confused at how something can be tipped by a shaft of anything as tipped implies an outer layer at the end.
The Ugly: To me if there's a core issue it is that people vote on things they use or can see using and this is a little too niche to collect a ton of votes. I can only think of a handful if times in the past few years where I've seen a spellcraft check to ID a spell matter.
Overall: 3.5 Stars as in this is an exemplary execution on a non-superstar concept. Maybe if this wen a step further by having a consequence for failing a failed id attempt (like a penalty to saves for example.)
Thanks for the review and kind words. As to being tipped by a shaft of anything, I was imagining it looking like a traditional cliche stage magician's wand, black with while ends, but made of woods - so maybe I should have described it as capped instead of tipped.
As for when it would be used - almost anytime an illusionist (or caster that used a lot of illusions) wants to case a figment, or often glammers. I specifically used mislead as one of the example spells I mentioned, since I've never seen this cast by an enemy without the PCs making their spellcraft check and saying - oh, he went invisible, lets find him, rather than actually interacting with the illusion left behind. Pretty much any fill in the blank image is easily ignored if the PC casters can easily tell what was cast. And, if you cast a create pit, cloak it as a silent image, and let your foes think it's safe to walk over, they'll certainly be surprised.
I think you're right that having a more subtle, non-visible, effect reduced the cinematic effects of the item and likely hurt it during voting.
Thanks for the review and kind words. As to being tipped by a shaft of anything, I was imagining it looking like a traditional cliche stage magician's wand, black with while ends, but made of woods - so maybe I should have described it as capped instead of tipped.
As for when it would be used - almost anytime an illusionist (or caster that used a lot of illusions) wants to case a figment, or often glammers. I specifically used mislead as one of the example spells I mentioned, since I've never seen this cast by an enemy without the PCs making their spellcraft check and saying - oh, he went invisible, lets find him, rather than actually interacting with the illusion left behind. Pretty much any fill in the blank image is easily ignored if the PC casters can easily tell what was cast. And, if you cast a create pit, cloak it as a silent image, and let your foes think it's safe to walk over, they'll certainly be surprised.
I think you're right that having a more subtle, non-visible, effect reduced the cinematic effects of the item and likely hurt it during voting.
Oh boy is this one gonna hurt... I read it as the illusions were only masking your casting to spellcraft not that you were getting an illusionary rider being cast to along with the spell. That's actually super cool and something I played with as an alternate class (not released yet.) I guess amend the comment to hit me over the head with what your item does in a more obvious manner as subtlety does not translate to voter/reviewer fatigue.
Begin page 5
106) Aegis of the Martyr
The Good: Cool name and I love items that encourage team work.
The Bad: there's some phrasing choices that have a hyperbolic element I like to see eliminated (life on the line)
The Ugly: This could easily kill the bearer if they aren't careful with timing... I'm thinking of a tank with say rage dropping out at the same time. Forces extra work.
Overall: 4 stars as in I like it but I don't love it. It's very functional and is printable but doesn't feel super star. Sorry about missing the masterwork in the price :/
107) Blade of Unabating Wounds
The Good: I like that you thought out the super wounding concept
The Bad: "and painlessly deliver its tenacious wounds" awkward phrasing there's more but that one bothered me
The Ugly: I'm biased against blood items... I'm not alone.
Overall: 2 stars for me as an ok concept meets a slightly sloppy execution.
108) Chakram of Cyclic Existence
The Good: Memorable and interesting item that played with channeling in a way I haven't seen.
The Bad: The balance the energy type restriction feels forced.
The Ugly: There's something video game about this that doesn't quite mesh with my ascetics
Overall: 3 stars for me as it landed very much in the middle. I upvoted it at times because of the creativity, I down voted it at times for the somewhat gonzo elements.
109) Demonmaw Gnasher
The Good: I like the bite and maneuver powers, solid mechanics which is half the battle
The Bad: It is unclear where the "shadowy trailing haze" is coming from and in all honesty I'd edit that bit out
The Ugly: The visual of an earthbreaker being used to drag someone doesn't work for me.
Overall: 3 stars as this overall landed middling for me.
110) Serpentine Stave
The Good: I'll applaud anyone that took the staff challenge and you start in the right foot with a solid description.
The Bad: Staff to snake is not a demonstration of creativity for me.
The Ugly: It got awkward as you elaborated further
Overall: 2 stars for me but I'm guessing it's your first real go at it. If this was your first effort it was much better than mine so keep at it.
...that's it for a couple hours but I'll be back
Page 5 continued
111) Staff of Strategems
The Good: I love tactical items and this one has some mojo.
The Bad: A peeve of mine layout wise- looks better with description then list of spells then rider powers. Just looks better on the page.
The Ugly: Personally I'd have swapped out a few spells, few things are more tactical than a wall.
Overall: 4 stars as I liked this bit not top 32 liked it. This was a better than average staff but it didn't change the way I view staves.
112) Sarenrae’s Desert Caller
The Good: The sand creature template was memorable and risky, it deserved better then the cull
The Bad: too many weapons seem to leave a trail in their wake... what wizard wastes magic on that detail
The Ugly: I suppose you can have the weapon drawn even if you do not have proficiency but it seems to pigeonhole this as a cleric of Sarenrae's item mainly which to me is a little niche.
Overall: 4 stars and I liked this a lot about as much as a weak keep, I do think it was out competed this year however.
113) Housebreaker Bow
The Good: This is well written with clear mechanics and a fun theme
The Bad: the first power feels forced
The Ugly: This is more tool then weapon to me that's a wondrous item
Overall: 4 stars for close but no cigars.
114) Blowgun of the Accursed Serpent
The Good: I like how the curse plays into the poison, great description, and nice clear rules text
The Bad: I agree it is under priced
The Ugly: Poison + Snake themed item doesn't wow me
Overall: 3.5 stars as I find it to be on the upper side of middling
115) Blade of the Dark Betrayer
The Good: Ok so I did the angle of using an enemy's shadow against them that is a cool core concept.
The Bad: wouldn't a light betrayer be more of a surprise? the name is just... no
The Ugly: Ok can I counter this with the darkness spell? How about I use dancing lights to wreath myself in light? IS my shadow from the plane of shadow can I attack it since it is apparently threatening my square...
Overall: 2.5 stars as this was a cool idea but there are lots of holes in the execution I could nitpick at. The bottom line is that the idea itself demands to be complicated and your rules foo isn't quite there yet, keep practicing and return with that mojo.
End Page 5
Start Page 6
116) The Pen of Mirado
The Good: I like bard based items and your mechanics are clear.
The Bad: The formatting hurt you
The Ugly: backstory hurts you and basing you idea on "the pen is mightier than the sword" didn't help
Overall: 1 Star due to a poor concepr met with severe execution issues.
117) Motherly Love
The Good: This one was memorable I'll give you that, I also really liked the choices you made with regards to powers
The Bad: Your restriction is not very much a restriction
The Ugly: There's a serious creepy vibe in a Norman Bates kind of way, isn't there mother? Mother says yes this is a little creepy.
Overall: 4 stars I liked it but not superstar like it. Might appear in a game of mine at some point.
118) Axle of Sky and Storm
The Good: There's swinging for the fences then there's swinging for the fences from a f*cking chariot!
The Bad: Yeah this was a wondrous item I'm guessing
The Ugly: I feel this may be grossly under priced.
Overall: 4.5 stars for me as despite being a slightly gonzo power for a chariot I fraking love it and totally want one. I could have seen this in top 32.
119) Eremite Rod
The Good: Cool name, description worked, mechanics are clearly written, and format is tight
The Bad: visuals are a little splatter punk for my taste
The Ugly: No matter how fancy you package it this is just a mace that does extra damage and a metamagic style rod rolled into 1 item.
Overall: 3 as I found this middling. It likely deserves 4 stars but I have an aversion to splatter punk type items.
120) Hammer of Besting
The Good: Brevity is better then over complicating text
The Bad: throw me a description that's less lazy then rune engraved hammer
The Ugly: Brevity is better to a point... under 100 words is as much a problem as 350 when working with a 300 word limit.
Overall: 1 Star as getting a no limit save bonus and SR for an hour at a time after killing a creature is not particularly innovative then there's the ability to abuse it and hitting half to a third of the target word count.
121) Ephemeral Staff
The Good: The writing and formatting are sound, pricing works for me which is hard to get right.
The Bad: description doesn't quite work for me
The Ugly: I'd cut the last paragraph entirely, rewrite the description, and move the second paragraph past the spell list.
Overall: 2 stars as this didn't really rise to the difficult challenge or reimagining a stff as superstar for me.
122) Staff of the Auraboros
The Good: Description and spell selection works here and I respect the choice to take on the staff this round.
The Bad: "Petting the staff while it pulsates (a swift action)"- I'm not sure I like where this is headed
The Ugly: The name doesn't work for me.
Overall: 3 stars I found this one middling
Headed to bed will resume page 6 tomorrow.
123) Staff of the Twinned Path
The Good: Super cool description, I appreciate the links, and you took on hard mode which I respect.
The Bad: Starts going south when I look at the price
The Ugly: Ok I could look past it being another staff quarterstaff hybrid since you wrote it well... but then we get to break the action economy in 2 ways if the wielder is a magus.
Overall: 3 stars as this fell to middling for me. Breaking the action economy is one thing but it also steps on staff magus archetype hard which is a shame because that was a 5 star description.
124) Cuirass of Distortion
The Good: This is formatted well and the mechanics are clearly written. Name is solid.
The Bad: massively under priced
The Ugly: The attacks auto hitting is broken and the teleport attack of opportunity is broken
Overall: 1 star as the action economy issues are too severe to merit a higher rating.
125) Energizing Breastplate
The Good: Really solid description sentence and the idea of elemental attacks being converted into elemental doubles is cinematic
The Bad: the word simulacrum is indeed where this turns
The Ugly: I'm coming to realize that making something overly complicated isn't superstar
Overall: 2 star criteria of concept issue. Even if this is clear on the first read we are now littering the battle field with elemental doubles that I'm still not 100% clear on what they are able to do other then exist count as a creature and move.
End page 6
Begin Page 7
126) Rod of Gravimetric Attraction
I can't find this on page 7 but the tracker tells me it is there somewhere. I have it in my personal records so...
The Good: I didn't hate this which is saying something because I normally do with gravity based items. Description is solid and mechanics were on the right path.
The Bad: With the number of powers this should have a 6 digit price.
The Ugly: Ok I would consider revising out most of the passive defensive powers from the first paragraph.
Overall: 4 stars as I liked this and it's not far off from publishable (maybe drop the CMB to something more reasonable like +20) But it had a few too many issues for top 100 consideration... Upper end of middling for me.
127) Kudzu Wrap
The Good: This was an early favorite for me that lost some luster as I saw other items.
The Bad: The name set me up with an expectation of a monk/ninja item not a druid/ranger one.
The Ugly: There are elements of design here I'd call unfocused... the arcane spell failure line, the dexterity this is not needed and distracts from core abilities.
Overall: 4 stars, I liked it but didn't love it. Solid design work but you need an editor to bounce off of.
128) Ring of Remembrance
The Good: The second power on this is a really cool idea and I want that to be the basis of your next draft, maybe with another power that ties into it.
The Bad: Should be made of rosemary... sorry couldn't help that.
The Ugly: I can do the first power cheaper and better with 3 pearls of power and leave an item slot free.
Overall: 2 stars for me I'm sorry to say. This just doesn't have the pizazz of a superstar item.
129) Clangoring Chime
The Good: Starts with a cool name and there's a lot to like in execution details like the deafening bit or the bit where it's also a percussion instrument.
The Bad: too good for the price... IMHO this should be closer to the 32k mark but that's an educated guess...
The Ugly: From a RP perspective this thing would be really annoying to carry around.
Overall: 4.5 stars as it didn't make my top 32 but it was really close. PM me sometime if you want a trial run and don't mind getting paid like a sweatshop worker (in other words 3PP standard rates) :P
130) Counter Shield
The Good: Got the format right and managed pricing deftly if I ignore the line about no defense.
The Bad: when a publisher tells you under 300 words generally the target is about 250, too few is almost as bad as too many.
The Ugly: Enemy crits for huge damage and as a free action I get to direct that back at them with no defense? I hope you see the problem with that
Overall: 1 star as this is massively over powered as it can both negate hits and auto succeed in handing those attacks back without restriction.
131) Vestment of the Twin Soul
The Good: As someone fond of having pets in character I appreciate this design space and there's some solid elements to hang your hat on.
The Bad: The name hamstrings the item badly. Vestment implies it's a religious item and twinned soul implies a sappy romantic item.
The Ugly: The keepsakes portion of the description are disturbing to me. Maybe it's because my word association with the word keepsake is stalker then serial killer.
Overall: 4 stars for 5 star mechanics and 2 star fluff. Trying really hard to not look at this as creepy, make that easier for me next year.
132) O-yoroi of the Eternal Flame
The Good: Formatting is on point, item pricing seems legit, mechanics are clearly written which isn't easy.
The Bad: Most games implode before a player character could afford this and even if they could the money is better spent elsewhere.
The Ugly: I've seen the phoenix resurrection thing every year of public voting, the name doesn't work for me, and to be blunt for 244k if you give me flaming wings I had best get flight out of it.
Overall: 1 star for em as this is a borderline artifact with creativity issues (the phoenix thing was even a trope 2 years ago) as I've seen this pulled off only better as a headdress
133) Freebooter's Longcoat
The Good: I liked this a heck of a lot as an armored coat and the name was spot on
The Bad: when a publisher tells you under 300 words generally the target is about 250, too few is almost as bad as too many.
The Ugly: Niche is prolly your problem as few games I get into end up high seas adventures (not unheard of but rare as it can wander to underwater which I hate.)
Overall: 4 stars for me as I upvoted it a great deal but yeah take the advice offered and try for something more easily marketable next year.
taking a break for a bit...
117) Motherly Love
The Good: This one was memorable I'll give you that, I also really liked the choices you made with regards to powers
The Bad: Your restriction is not very much a restriction
The Ugly: There's a serious creepy vibe in a Norman Bates kind of way, isn't there mother? Mother says yes this is a little creepy.
Overall: 4 stars I liked it but not superstar like it. Might appear in a game of mine at some point.
[threadjacking]
Thanks for the review; And yes, memorable was what I was going for, and a mix of a bit of a creepy* vibe with useful and themed powers.
* Honestly, the item didn't come across as that creepy to me, or those in my gaming groups I've shown it to. Then again, I've noticed that people here seem to get squicked by things remarkably easily. Not sure what that says about the gamers here in Brisbane <_<
Glad you liked it, and thanks once again for taking the time for such a comprehensive look at all the items posted.
[/threadjacking]
115) Blade of the Dark Betrayer
The Good: Ok so I did the angle of using an enemy's shadow against them that is a cool core concept.
The Bad: wouldn't a light betrayer be more of a surprise? the name is just... no
The Ugly: Ok can I counter this with the darkness spell? How about I use...
Thank you so much for all the time you're putting in to review all these items!
You totally called it that my rules fu is weak. When I found out about the contest, I'd only played Pathfinder a few times and had never tried making a game item for a table-top RPG so I honestly had no idea what I was doing. :)However, I've learned a TON from seeing other people's items and reading the reviews, and I really can't understate how valuable it's been. I'm working my way through the core rulebook and I will be back next year without a doubt!
Thanks again!
RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32
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Dedicated Voter Season 6, Star Voter Season 8
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27) Mountain Stance Armor
The Good: Description is solidly cool and the mechanics work well
The Bad: I'm doubling down on ugly
The Ugly: I love the book of nine swords too but I wouldn't slap a few pathfinder abilities on a stance and add that to a magic item... yep that was ugly and it's very possible you're unfamiliar with book of nine swords.
Overall: It's either a so-so conversion of 3.5 material slapped onto armor or brilliant parallel design. So 2 stars or 5 stars only you know which one you deserve.
Thanks for the critique!
I had flipped through Book of the Nine Swords for a one shot campaign back in my sophomore year... so 2006/2007, but i can't say the book ever interested me enough to purchase it. If there are any similarities it would be only by coincidence. Heck, I almost want to go buy the book to see what is so similar! :-p
I posted some on my item thread, but the inspiration came when my husband suggested looking for iconic fantasy-adventure moments that I felt were hard to pull off with the current layout of Pathfinder rules and items. My mind thought of the scene of a samurai holding the gate of a castle or a bridge against an oncoming mass of adventurers. Next I listed in my mind all the ways a player or GM might exploit rules to skirt around the warrior, and tried to come up with ways of shoring up those weak points.
Star Voter Season 8
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130) Counter Shield
The Good: Got the format right and managed pricing deftly if I ignore the line about no defense.
The Bad: when a publisher tells you under 300 words generally the target is about 250, too few is almost as bad as too many.
The Ugly: Enemy crits for huge damage and as a free action I get to direct that back at them with no defense? I hope you see the problem with that
Overall: 1 star as this is massively over powered as it can both negate hits and auto succeed in handing those attacks back without restriction.
Thank you for critiqing my item. I've bolded a part as I have seen several people mention it in feedback. The last line of my item description states: "The enemy attacking you can not be the target of this redirected attack."
I wonder if people skip over the last line, thinking they know what the item does, or if my wording is so unclear?
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Marathon Voter Season 8, Marathon Voter Season 9
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130) Counter Shield
The Good: Got the format right and managed pricing deftly if I ignore the line about no defense.
The Bad: when a publisher tells you under 300 words generally the target is about 250, too few is almost as bad as too many.
The Ugly: Enemy crits for huge damage and as a free action I get to direct that back at them with no defense? I hope you see the problem with that
Overall: 1 star as this is massively over powered as it can both negate hits and auto succeed in handing those attacks back without restriction.Thank you for critiqing my item. I've bolded a part as I have seen several people mention it in feedback. The last line of my item description states: "The enemy attacking you can not be the target of this redirected attack."
I wonder if people skip over the last line, thinking they know what the item does, or if my wording is so unclear?
I think what it is is that sometimes people will be reading an item, and they will see something that catches their attention so much so that some details go missing from their sight.
I would assume they got to the point where they read about the free attack, think "Dis item ish borked!! Next!", and move on to read the other item. Then, subsequent times they see the item, they remember that they thought it was "borked" and almost insta-voted the other item.
I did this with the Ghost Moon Bow; easily discernible considering the critique I gave it a few pages back.
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Star Voter Season 8
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130) Counter Shield
The Good: Got the format right and managed pricing deftly if I ignore the line about no defense.
The Bad: when a publisher tells you under 300 words generally the target is about 250, too few is almost as bad as too many.
The Ugly: Enemy crits for huge damage and as a free action I get to direct that back at them with no defense? I hope you see the problem with that
Overall: 1 star as this is massively over powered as it can both negate hits and auto succeed in handing those attacks back without restriction.Thank you for critiqing my item. I've bolded a part as I have seen several people mention it in feedback. The last line of my item description states: "The enemy attacking you can not be the target of this redirected attack."
I wonder if people skip over the last line, thinking they know what the item does, or if my wording is so unclear?
I think what it is is that sometimes people will be reading an item, and they will see something that catches their attention so much so that some details go missing from their sight.
I would assume they got to the point where they read about the free attack, think "Dis item ish borked!! Next!", and move on to read the other item. Then, subsequent times they see the item, they remember that they thought it was "borked" and almost insta-voted the other item.
I did this with the Ghost Moon Bow; easily discernible considering the critique I gave it a few pages back.
Thank you. Its important for me to know. That way I can learn from it and work on rephrasing things differently. Or at least work on where I place certain pieces of information.
Thank you. Its important for me to know. That way I can learn from it and work on rephrasing things differently. Or at least work on where I place certain pieces of information.
multiple points to address:
1) Voter/Critique fatigue- it is very important that rules language can pass inspection on a tired mountaindew addled brain at 4am because games run late and so do voters/critiques2) So I can't redirect to the attacker but I can redirect to another enemy? I'd let myself get flanked all the time when this thing was charged as that's 3 hits I can redirect into enemies. The problem isn't solved by that last sentence at all, the problem is auto success in both negating a hit on you by redirecting it and that the hit in question automatically succeeds in hitting the target ti is getting redirected to.
At the price of just a hair over 8k there's gear out there that will let you swap shields around as something other then a standard action. Why have a good AC for that character after all the easier time an enemy hits you the more often you can redirect that attack into another foe. If it's one enemy that's fine buddy up with your own hammer and have that hammer hit you and redirect those to succeed for free.
3) Another point I'll make is that if you haven't won me by the time I get to the last line chances are I'm already decided and skimming that line at best. This is normal.
I would encourage you to get into a writing circle like the Blazing 9 that usually shows up after the contest is over. Get some practice in.
Start Page 6
116) The Pen of Mirado
The Good: I like bard based items and your mechanics are clear.
The Bad: The formatting hurt you
The Ugly: backstory hurts you and basing you idea on "the pen is mightier than the sword" didn't help
Overall: 1 Star due to a poor concepr met with severe execution issues.
[snip][/snip]
Thanks for the review, GM_Solspiral. I guess my biggest question is what was the "poor concept"? Basing it on the old saying? I'd also like to know why/how you say backstory hurts you, although I've got some insight into that from others, now. And I agree there were execution issues, with it being a Wondrous Item more than a weapon, and the Bardic Knowledge issue.
Thanks,
Phil
@ Phil
was the "poor concept"? Basing it on the old saying?
Yep that and it straddles the line of wondrous item which straddles the line of being DQed.
know why/how you say backstory hurts you
Doesn't hurt me a bit, it hurts your entry with the voting public. Backstory is a frequent complaint in the comment threads and for a good reason. For the most part with a magic item you're either looking to make something that appeals to a broad base (rule book item) or a specific story (AP item.) Implying a backstory in a description = awesome and smart, see springheart for an example of doing this deftly. Actual backstory especially one that comes from an NPC no one has heard of = old edition thinking that has been culled from Pathfinder. You won't find Tenser here, nor has pathfinder tried to reintroduce that concept.
@ Phil
was the "poor concept"? Basing it on the old saying?Yep that and it straddles the line of wondrous item which straddles the line of being DQed.
Hey, thanks again. But I'm still a little confused as to what makes it bad by basing it on an old saying. I don't want to put words in your mouth, so I'll just look forward to your reply.
know why/how you say backstory hurts you
Doesn't hurt me a bit
Heh. Yeah, I thought of rewording that... Good to know the proper approach to backstory.
Cheers,
Phil
@ Phil
was the "poor concept"? Basing it on the old saying?Yep that and it straddles the line of wondrous item which straddles the line of being DQed.Hey, thanks again. But I'm still a little confused as to what makes it bad by basing it on an old saying. I don't want to put words in your mouth, so I'll just look forward to your reply.
know why/how you say backstory hurts youDoesn't hurt me a bitHeh. Yeah, I thought of rewording that... Good to know the proper approach to backstory.
Cheers,
Phil
I can help with one of the aspects of using old sayings - that is - old sayings are used a lot - i.e. they are overused, common, not new and exciting... - or, using the games design/competition term, they are meme.
One example I can think of is mithral - a dwarven super shiny metal - but very over used and very meme. Does it add anything to an item when it is used and results in a reaction of "yawn"? Mithral also is supposed to be very rare and that makes it special, so if we have lots of mithral items, the rareness is called into question and the value and "ohhh shiny" reduces proportionately.
Meme is bad because it means there little to nothing new or novel about what is being used for inspiration. It means an overused solution has been employed.
Going back to the mithral - lets say it was being used to convey a mirror like sheen - now change mithral to being coated in a semi liquid mercury that flexes, moves and swirls with your body - now the imagery is still a mirror like imagery, but it is no longer meme.
(I hope that's a good example >.<, it should be good enough to convey the idea I think)
I hope that makes sense as I am brain dumping with a very tired brain now as I catch up on all the threads.
I can help with one of the aspects of using old sayings - that is - old sayings are used a lot - i.e. they are overused, common, not new and exciting... - or, using the games design/competition term, they are meme.
One example I can think of is mithral - a dwarven super shiny metal - but very over used and very meme. Does it add anything to an item when it is used and results in a reaction of "yawn"? Mithral also is supposed to be very rare and that makes it special, so if we have lots of mithral items, the rareness is called into question and the value and "ohhh shiny" reduces proportionately.
Meme is bad because it means there little to nothing new or novel about what is being used for inspiration. It means an overused solution has been employed.
Going back to the mithral - lets say it was being used to convey a mirror like sheen - now change mithral to being coated in a semi liquid mercury that flexes, moves and swirls with your body - now the imagery is still a mirror like imagery, but it is no longer meme.
(I hope that's a good example >.<, it should be good enough to convey the idea I think)
I hope that makes sense as I am brain dumping with a very tired brain now as I catch up on all the threads.
Hi Anthony,
Thanks for that; yes, it does make sense. I guess another way of saying it is that its cliché. I guess my concern would be that I don't think pens that become swords are as common as mithral items in the game; but maybe it doesn't matter how common the expression (as an item) of the cliché is, if an item is based on a cliché? Now, I'm wondering if I'm making sense!
Cheers,
Phil
One example I can think of is mithral - a dwarven super shiny metal - but very over used and very meme. Does it add anything to an item when it is used and results in a reaction of "yawn"? Mithral also is supposed to be very rare and that makes it special, so if we have lots of mithral items, the rareness is called into question and the value and "ohhh shiny" reduces proportionately.
By my recollection mithral was usually associated with elves in D&D (particularly in "elven chain"), as opposed to dwarves ala Tolkien?... Then again, there's a lot of editions of this game, and they may have changed that at one point or I could simply be misremembering :)
That aside, mithral is rare in the same sense magic items are: most people (commoners) can't afford them, but heroes and adventurers can, and in this context they're not actually expensive. Indeed, by the numbers they should be a lot more common than they are: Why pay 302gp for a masterwork dagger (or cestus, spiked gauntlet, war razor or any other 1 l lb. metal weapon), when for a mere 200gp extra you get a lighter weapon with better hardness, hitpoints and that counts as silver for overcoming DR? It's a bargain.
That's putting aside weirdness of the ratfolk tailblade, where a mithral version is not only better, but cheaper than a masterwork one.
With slightly heavier weapons it's still worthwhile to raise the hardness & hp (lots of things try to break weapons) and grant the ability to overcome DR/silver. With 2-handers... not so much.
With armor, mithral stands out again; For light armor (i.e. chain shirt) its the cheapest and easiest means of getting both AC, MDB (and thus more AC at higher levels) and no armor check penalty, all for merely 1000gp (a fortune for a commoner, but hardly anything for a seasoned adventurer). For medium it costs a little extra (3000gp) but allows you to have your cake and eat it too: AC of medium armor but without the speed penalties or weight, dramatically reduced ACP and the ability to sleep in it without penalty.
Mithral just stands out head and shoulders over most special materials as being amazingly good value, and thus tends to get used a lot as a fairly cheap way of making something simply better.
On an even greater tangent, compared to mithral a great many other special materials are somewhat lackluster. Such as dragonhide, which requires the corpse of a colossal dragon to make a set of full plate... whose market value is double normal and can be worn by druids. Who is farming these colossal dragons? The mind boggles.
@Phil - I'm sorry but I can't really spend more time to further elaborate... other people are waiting to be critiqued and I think Mr Adam got the gist of what I was trying to relay.
@Anthony Adam- Thanks for the assist.
@Raynuff- nice mini rant on mithral, I'd totally read a blog post where you go further into that. Thanks for spoiler tagging it as well.
@Maurice- Don;t worry I haven't forgot you and the line formed behind you. Work was a little to crazy today for me to sneak in a few reviews.
134) Dagger of Dretch Dominion
The Good: You gave me description and the name is pretty cool. Formatting is correct, pricing seems right, mechanics are for the most part clear.
The Bad: Something about that description feels a little rambling... I'd work with you on that to make it 1 clear sentence that does the job of setting a visual.
The Ugly: Niche to a point where you should reference how the demons are being called (gate spell or would this work with monster summoning ect.) Another damming (pun intended) nitpick for me was that you used so few words... If I as a publisher tell you to stay under 300 you had best use something north of 200 hundred words.
Overall: 3 stars for me as there was little for em to love or hate about this it was middling for me.
135) Corpse Thicket Javelin
The Good: This was so fun. Dude you got Groot growing out of your chest.
The Bad: unfortunately this wa the year of "i am groot" items
The Ugly: For me it's hard to not see a tree growing out of a wound as an auto kill which makes me look sideways at the pricing. The Mechanics are not that and it's fine but I worry this would need errata.
Overall: 4.5 stars for em as in if this wasn't in my top 32 I very much considered it close. You got hurt a little i voting by a crowded design space this year which takes nothing away from how good this really is. Might appear in my home game, Kudos.
136) Ghastly Plate
The Good: Template is correct, and mechanics are clearly written, made the short deadline after curve was throw which is commendable.
The Bad: backstory is a no no also if you call it Ghastly I might believe you
The Ugly: Reminds me of Pharasmian Tombstone as in I get it no one wants to shell out or ghost touch.
Overall: 1 star as in the idea was flawed and it fell apart with some execution issue.
@Phil - I'm sorry but I can't really spend more time to further elaborate... other people are waiting to be critiqued and I think Mr Adam got the gist of what I was trying to relay.
No worries; I got that sense. Thanks for at least addressing it.
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137) Rod of Eldritch Horror
The Good: Design space is one I appreciate and I dig that you're amping up summoned critters with a rod. It's a smart design space that I could totally see doing a small release on
The Bad: Drawbacks are a design trap you would do well to avoid. Voters tend to punish items with drawbacks.
The Ugly: Slapping some tentacles on a creature is a lazy cliche way of taking on a Lovecraftian/Dark Tapestry theme.
Overall: 2 stars for a cool idea with a cliched execution. I wanted to like it more :/
138) Dreaming Star
The Good: Templating is on point, prerequisites are good choices, and illusion based items tend to have some mojo.
The Bad: price feels like a lazy guess
The Ugly: Dream based items do 2 things teleport and illusion so it's not really a shocking idea and the execution is muddy confusing overly complex rules language.
Overall: 1 star as this has both creativity issues (dream + illusion = seen it many times before) and it feels like a wondrous item shoehorned into a ring
139) Lash of Wild Roses
The Good: Cool name, description, and a design space that I love. Templating on point and some solid choices with clear rules language.
The Bad: Don't tell me the command words... the quotes are actually kind of jarring
The Ugly: The bit where you water is it a little charming but it's also amateurish and should be cut- this is not a monster with the plant subtype it's a magic item no other magic item does this.
Overall: 4 stars for me. I had it in my top 32 but rereading it I'm seeing a lot more flaws then I remembered in voting. There's a lot to like but it also sets off some of my design bugbears.
140) Foe Stitcher
The Good: Love the name and I dig the silver thread which you use to drag around or otherwise harry an enemy.
The Bad: Just say no- to back story
The Ugly: This might have rated better if there wasn't a better idea/version out there already using a norn thread which was the missing execution element here.
Overall: Still a solid 4 stars from me as I did like this item a good deal. Next time give a little more effort because if this is your bs entry on a game break while a=eating curry I want to see what you can do when you're trying.
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140) Foe Stitcher
The Good: Love the name and I dig the silver thread which you use to drag around or otherwise harry an enemy.
The Bad: Just say no- to back story
The Ugly: This might have rated better if there wasn't a better idea/version out there already using a norn thread which was the missing execution element here.
Overall: Still a solid 4 stars from me as I did like this item a good deal. Next time give a little more effort because if this is your bs entry on a game break while a=eating curry I want to see what you can do when you're trying.
Thank you very much for your words of encouragement.
I will endeavor to give it my all next year.
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141) Ghost Moon Bow
The Good: I really like the name, bow is a good choice, and I like the idea of painting a target with magic.
The Bad: what's with all the italics?
The Ugly: I've seen a pass thru obstacles mechanic before in fact there's tons of ways to do that especially with an arcane archer so I guess for superstar I need to see something more creative.
Overall: 4 star for an item I liked but did not love like a superstar.
142) Sidereal Blade
The Good: I appreciate the links and the name works. The idea was sound and true story. I drew up a dimension door item too.
The Bad: Runes and dimension door hits 2 years of tropes.
The Ugly: damage multipliers without some sort of restriction can become abused with ease.
Overall: 2 stars possible abuse with the damage multiplier account for this because my halfling slayer riding a dog with spirited charge appreciates his 6d6+abajillion times 4...
143) Mithral Shirt of Concealment
The Good: Rogues are my jam ask anyone. I can appreciate catering to the design space and your mechanics are clear which is not easy.
The Bad:this is where I bust your chops on the formatting issue
The Ugly: Ok so a stealth item of being stealthy that gives invisibility and silence. I guess I was hoping for something a little less obvious :/
Overall: 1 star I'm sorry to say. It's just not innovative enough to be superstar, lacks creativity.
144) Rings of Shared Power
The Good: I actually like the idea of sharing aspects of your character sheet with other characters. It's why I like teamwork feats and buff spells, sharing power = teamwork at the game table.
The Bad: If you have to provide an example you're on the wrong path in game design.
The Ugly: Really? Any class feature? Aside from being potentially broken it's a logistic nightmare. Easiest way to abuse leadership feat + 2 sets of these look mom I get 2 class features from that idiot I also got an item that bestows greater invisibility and airwalk...
Overall: 1 star for being a bad idea and mechanically broken.
145) Fraud's Rod
The Good: Great name and awesome concept, I liked this item a lot.
The Bsd: This isn't a rod though, to me this should be a wondrous item as it just doesn't have that rod feel (last time I'm combining rod and feel in a sentence.)
The Ugly: The price is way too cheap for how it helps with action economy.
Overall: 4 stars as I liked this a lot but it has some issue I couldn't look past for top 32 consideration.
146) Broken Gambit Shield
The Good: I like the idea of an item that gains power from hits and tracks an enemy like this.
The Bsd: Ok so where's my gambit? just getting slightly harder to hit does not a gambit make...
The Ugly: Ok what about when this item totally gets the wielder killed because the bad guy failed it's will save and didn't move on after ko-ing the wielder.
Overall: 3 stars for a fun idea with a flawed execution.
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147) Coiling Poison Staff
The Good: Well written description and executes on the theme well
The Bad: hyperbole and backstory
The Ugly: snake + staff = trope, poison theme + snake them = trope, Emerald + snake theme = trope, you basically tripled down on tropes.
Overall: 2 stars for an excellent well designed and executed series of tropes. You're actually talented now go be original. I know that's harsh but I see writing talent you just played this way too safe IMHO
148) Rod of Gravity
The Good: Well written description and clear mechanics despite being somewhat complex.
The Bad: Gravity and soul items tend to raise my inner critic
The Ugly: The gravity well power is something everyone sees coming with this theme, you can do better.
Overall: 3 stars for a hot button theme you somewhat pulled off.
149) Ring of the Deific Caster
The Good: Really strong description and perfect formatting.
The Bad: 2nd sentence is a complex description to set up a boring power in the 3rd sentence
The Ugly: 2nd power is a niche SIAC
Overall: 1 star for a utilitarian item that just provides numerical bonuses in the same way as a couple spells would. The description sentence give me hope for you.
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