Begin Page 10
150) Spelldrinker
The Good: Mechanics and description are clear and well written
The Bad: I really only need links to obscure rules.
The Ugly: You went the spell absorb/stealing route which was one of the year's tropes. I think it hurt your voting as most of those items were poorly designed made the caster useless items.
Overall: 3 stars for a 5 star execution on a 2 star concept. Basically you're stealing spells to do 3.5 arcane strikes... you're better than that.
151) Glacial Crusher
The Good: Great name and cool visual item
The Bad: The ice flecks sticking to the target is a little weird.
The Ugly: HAd to read the mechanci where they shatter, deal cold damage, and lower cold resitence a few times to get it so there's a clarity issue.
Overall: 3.5 stars for me as this was upper end of middling. I liked it but it got downvoted against other items I liked.
152) Quill of the Peacock Spirit
The Good: Item description is solid and you display some wiring chops.
The Bad: Not only back story but back story that reaches too hard for a Goleran tie in...
The Ugly: Over priced since I have to burn a resource to use it's more useful power.
Overall:
153) Heaven's Tether
The Good: Formatting is correct, you took on the challenge of making a staff superstar, and spell selection works.
The Bad: the non spell power this grants is essentially a convoluted levitate
The Ugly: making all those extra clouds would actually ruin the weather.
Overall: 3 stars for a vanilla staff that I don't like or hate.
154) RING OF INSIGHT
The Good: Very good item description
The Bad: DON'T SHOUT THE TITLE
The Ugly: save bonus is essentially a cheaper cloak of protection and you get a 1 a day possible auto miss.
Overall: 2 stars for clunky mechanics that both add more rolling and upkeep to the table.
156) Glitterbane
The Good: Fun name and you gave the gnomes some love which I appreciate.
The Bad: this is a little niche
The Ugly: I have trouble connecting the glitterdust power to the giant power. I was hoping to see a new way to utilize glitterdust.
Overall: 2 stars as this seems like a SAK with a bunch of disconnected powers very loosely centered on gnomes.
157) Knife of the Consummate Chef
The Good: You took a profession skill and tried to make it superstar, I admire that ambition and your mechanics are mostly clear.
The Bad: Not only do we get a backstory but it has hyperbole, first 2 sentences should be cut.
The Ugly: Marketability is going to be a problem here and just say profession Chef instead of letting it be up to the GM
Overall: 3 stars despite being a bad idea, despite doing 2 things I hate, I actually rather liked this. It is not right for superstar but I am intrigued by the designer. I upvoted and downvoted this based on the item pairing so middling for me.
158) Up Chuck
The Good: I've made this item before... It was then and is now still a cool idea. My version was in 2nd ed and based off a spell.
The Bad: The name is jokey and makes it hard to take your item seriously.
The Ugly: The second 2 paragraphs veer away from what makes this cool. Spend more time on making my sling of catapult ammo and less on trying to make it more niche useful to halflings.
Overall: 3 stars for over complicating and sucking the cool out of an idea with serious potential and mojo.
159) Scale of the Final King
The Good: I really like the description of the item and it's powers
The Bad: Name makes me think Tolkein which is not where you want my head going
The Ugly: Sorry to say storing and redirecting energy damage isn't a surprising or overly creative mechanic.
Overall: 2 star for a bad idea that showed you have writing chops... short deadline maybe got you.
End Page 10
Thank you for the feedback. It was much more honest (and harsher) than any of my friends would give me. Too bad I didn't have that advice before I submitted, lol.
I guess I went from boring last year to trying to do too much (and tripped up on something that had become already jaded). Thank you again!
Thanks for the feedback, GM_Solspiral.
145) Fraud's Rod
The Good: Great name and awesome concept, I liked this item a lot.
The Bsd: This isn't a rod though, to me this should be a wondrous item as it just doesn't have that rod feel (last time I'm combining rod and feel in a sentence.)
The Ugly: The price is way too cheap for how it helps with action economy.
Overall: 4 stars as I liked this a lot but it has some issue I couldn't look past for top 32 consideration.
Thanks for the critique, it's very encouraging.
page 12 on, I will get to you guys prolly this weekend but for now we have maps to look at and judge
Begin page 11
160) Rod of Divine Empowerment
The Good: Channeling is a solid design space to choose and shows good instincts. You got the formatting right and your mechanics are clear.
The Bad: No spell level max and channeling dice go to 10.
The Ugly: Basically the core issue is there's a major power level difference between channeling and spell casting so this is actually very very powerful
Overview: 1.5 stars which is to say I want to like it but the balance issues merit the rating.
161) Arcanivore
The Good: Memorable name choice, I dig the choice of a birdache, and the mechanics of what happens with the energy makes sense.
The Bad: No packet loss? Why wouldn't players just take a couple non-lethal love taps to make sure this thing is charged to uber before going into a fight?
The Ugly: The weapon that pulls a 3.5 spell thief thing has been a trope this year though yours is one of the better considered it's still an idea I saw done to death this year
Overview: 2 stars for me as I have balance concerns for the price paid this could well get charged up and nasty without much more than a little inconvenience in mid to high levels.
162) Impenetrable Pelt
The Good: Solid description and I like that you went hide.
The Bad: The temp hit points doesn't really make sense from a fluff perspective
The Ugly: It's armor with a bunch of defensive bonuses none of which are new mechanics
Overview: 3 stars as it was middling for me. Servicable sdesign needs to be more innovative in a way that makes sense to break in to the upper ranks.
163) Covenskein Net
The Good: Loved the name, description, and hag theme
The Bad: Sorry but wither lose the repeating str damage or give me a save.
The Ugly: Another effect with no save? One that feeds the first power? 50% in not enough to offset that.
Overview: 2.5 stars for a 5 star idea but mechanically overpowered execution. Comeback stronger next year.
164) Brother’s Guard
The Good: I like the name and the tanky teamwork spirit in which this idea was forged.
The Bad: The god tie in made it niche.
The Ugly: The reflex mechanic doesn't work for me as how cover interacts with a reflex save isn't clear
Overview: 2 stars for me as I find a shield providing cover bonuses less than creative.
165) Molten Belcher
The Good: Basically a shield that absorbs and redistributes damage as a breath weapon
The Bad: Belching and vomiting is going to lose you some votes
The Ugly: What stops an enterprising adventurer from absorbing a campfire and belching it?
Overview: 4 stars as I liked this a great deal but saw it as just short of top tier...
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Begin Page 12
166) Serpent’s Tongue
The Good: Cool name and I love jack in the box design.
The Bad: you went poison + snake = trope
The Ugly: No item save is the main issue for me this shouldn't auto succeed against a magical potion
Overview: 2 stars as the mechanical issue of no save makes this potentially too powerful
167) Ring of the Medic
The Good: The heal skill is under utilized and this is a great item to push more use.
The Bad: healing items are a tough sell for superstar
The Ugly: This isn't a far cry from an item last year.
Overview: 4 stars for em I like it but not contender like it.
168) Manticore Fist
The Good: I liked it from the first draft as a spiked gauntlet was a cool idea then and it is a cool one now
The Bad: I was worried about it being too scorpion from Mortal Kombat
The Ugly: Dorry I didn't see the pricing issues
Overview: 5 stars but I'm not neutral Andrew is my hommie.
calling it for then night... rest of page 12 tomorrow.
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^ So that was all of page 12... Also I did 167 twice so correcting it here
Moving on to 13
170) SPANWHAMMER
The Good: I think a throwing returning earthbreaker is out ok the box thinking I like to see.
The Bad: I truly dislike the name and it's a bit of a wall of text
The Ugly: Great rule of thumb have a friend read your item once then ask them what your item does. If they can't tell you exactly your text is either unclear or you need to go with something less complicated.
Overview: 2 stars on execution. Dense complicated text does you no favors when you are looking to get a vote in 60 seconds (this is advice that is easier said then done my own items tend to fall into this territory.)
171) Blood Magic Dagger
The Good: I like the core idea of using blood to enhance magic it is an interesting track
The Bad: Blood items set off my SS2013 PTSD
The Ugly: Maybe if this was specific to someone with magic bin their blood like anyone with a sorc bloodline? The damage is negligible and the number of spell levels up that can be ignored needs a limit as there's no cost difference with this item between say quickened and silenced. What type of action is this? free? swift? standard?
Overview: 1 star as the idea has merit but isn't executed well I am sorry to say.
172) Stormcrow Tomahawk
The Good: You got the formatting right and you gave em visuals which is important and on the right track... Because I think you're on to something I'm going to be a little harsh
The Bad: Watch your word count. Perhaps not for thsi contest but as a writer If I tell you a hard limit of 300 I'm expecting something north of 250 words, I'm guessing you were lucky to break 100 here which doesn't show me your writing talent.
The Ugly: The blast of crow shaped electricity is absolutely useless if it doesn't have a different effect then throwing a returning weapon... then the power should be cut or the other powers revised.
Overview: 1 star for me as this had potential (cool name) but demonstrated little with a sparse wordcount and a serious execution error.
173) Tormentor
The Good: I loved the visual here with the oily black ichor, seriously I'd love to game with you just based on that sentence.
The Bad: You're in dangerous territory with a chainsaw
The Ugly: Aaaaand we go straight into a campy splatterpunk theme as this thing screams like a B-movie starlet and causes all the teenie boppers to run.
Overview: 1 star for me as this broke the 4th wall in a bad way as it's just not the type of horror I'd consider playing mash-up with in a fantasy game. The mechanics are fine except the absurd umber of uses (pro tip if you go over 5 daily charges just key it off an ability instead or better yet don't pretend there's a limit.)
174) Staff of the Imperials
The Good: Fun description that sets a high bar as you're promising me dragons, and you take on the tough challenge of a staff
The Bad: formatting issue on save DC of 4th power
The Ugly: The abilities don't feel like they mesh well with ki... Maybe if the fire shot fire shuken the water added some sort fo entangling rhyming power, the air gave a jump spell and the earth gave a bull rush bonus?
Overview: 3.5 stars as I liked things about this but disliked enough to find it upper middling.
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172) Stormcrow Tomahawk
The Good: You got the formatting right and you gave em visuals which is important and on the right track... Because I think you're on to something I'm going to be a little harsh
The Bad: Watch your word count. Perhaps not for thsi contest but as a writer If I tell you a hard limit of 300 I'm expecting something north of 250 words, I'm guessing you were lucky to break 100 here which doesn't show me your writing talent.
The Ugly: The blast of crow shaped electricity is absolutely useless if it doesn't have a different effect then throwing a returning weapon... then the power should be cut or the other powers revised.
Overview: 1 star for me as this had potential (cool name) but demonstrated little with a sparse wordcount and a serious execution error.
Ouch, but I appreciate the harshness in context. I admit to and own up to those errors, and can absolutely "wow" people more next year (or whenever). I did not understand the audience--I should have done more research to see what was being looked for.
My only...ugh, I hate doing this...rebuttal here is that it does do something different from throwing a returning weapon: it allows a true full attack. A returning weapon comes back to you too late to do that, so you need as many returning weapons as you can make attacks, severely neutering the budget of throwers. The alternative is a Blinkback Belt, which screws throwers by eating their stat buffing belt slot--they either need to buy a custom item (slotless, or with mutliple abilities) to function at the high end (and can't do that at all in PFS). Further, the other amazingly great throwing item, the Belt of Mighty Hurling, is also a belt, so, itemization is just ridiculously punitive to throwers in a typical game.
I tried to fix a part of the game I considered broken, which, was a mistake (I've decided items are not the place for such fixes, anyway). I tried to keep it to as few words as possible, for clarity and elegance, which was a mistake (as others felt it had neither). I should have expanded upon the benefits of the ability.
The funny thing is, I actually hate the visuals that many people said were the saving grace of the item. I can cater to the audience next time, though, I'm sure of it (now that I know what they want). This actually reminds me very strongly of a time when I was in college and I made electronic music that I absolutely hated for a class, but it received such high praise from the teacher, I was recommended for a scholarship to some college in Ohio for experimental music.
Ouch, but I appreciate the harshness in context. I admit to and own up to those errors, and can absolutely "wow" people more next year (or whenever). I did not understand the audience--I should have done more research to see what was being looked for.
My only...ugh, I hate doing this...rebuttal here is that it does do something different from throwing a returning weapon: it allows a true full attack. A returning weapon comes back to you too late to do that, so you need as many returning weapons as you can make attacks, severely neutering the budget of throwers. The alternative is a Blinkback Belt, which screws throwers by eating their stat buffing belt slot--they either need to buy a custom item (slotless, or with mutliple abilities) to function at the high end (and can't do that at all in PFS). Further, the other amazingly great throwing item, the Belt of Mighty Hurling, is also a belt, so, itemization is just ridiculously punitive to throwers in a typical game.
I tried to fix a part of the game I considered broken, which, was a mistake (I've decided items are not the place for such fixes, anyway). I tried to keep it to as few words as possible, for clarity and elegance, which was a mistake...
I didn't want to get into that but year I think it's called greater returning... I've seen things that solve that in the past. If you want PM me up, I'm willing to help give feedback for next year. It's gut instinct but despite the rating I do see potential I just think it needs coaxing. For the record I'm actually considering drastically reducing my actual design work to ramp up my role as a developer. I'm good at giving people a push.
Thanks for the review man, I knew it was going to be a bit over the top, and that the chainsaw would be a bit much, but when i saw that in the tech guide I loved it coming in as a big horror fan. I try to be as descriptive as possible, so that's a plus, and I appreciate the pro tip with the charges, I will def take that to heart.
I am always more worried about getting the creative (description-wise) on point. I will def start putting that focus into mechanics...
Thanks again for taking the time!
^ So that was all of page 12... Also I did 167 twice so correcting it here
173) Tormentor
The Good: I loved the visual here with the oily black ichor, seriously I'd love to game with you just based on that sentence.
The Bad: You're in dangerous territory with a chainsaw
The Ugly: Aaaaand we go straight into a campy splatterpunk theme as this thing screams like a B-movie starlet and causes all the teenie boppers to run.
Overview: 1 star for me as this broke the 4th wall in a bad way as it's just not the type of horror I'd consider playing mash-up with in a fantasy game. The mechanics are fine except the absurd umber of uses (pro tip if you go over 5 daily charges just key it off an ability instead or better yet don't pretend there's a limit.)
*tips hat*
Thank you kindly, sir. I appreciate the food for thought.
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175) Rod of Brilliant Steps
The Good: This is well named the mechanics are clear and well written
The Bad: Billie jean is not your lover?
The Ugly: Going for a stroll no matter how useful isn't goign to be superstar
Overview: 4 stars for a good item I didn't quite love.
to be continued
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176) Ring of the Champion
The Good: Love the challenge makes you want to fight more mechanic even if it's a little niche
The Bad: Don't include item history
The Ugly: Drawbacks aren't superstar. An item that needs one is usually over powered
Overview: 1 star for me as there are too many execution issues to merit a higher rating.
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Page 15
177) Ghostspike Longspear
The Good: I really like the crit mechanic on this it is well written and fun
The Bad: description basically says that it looks like a plain spear.
The Ugly: Resist the urge to tell us how to use your item
Overview: 3.5 stars for me this was upper middling core issue is that ultimately this is just a spear that's better then normal at being ghost touch.
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Begin page 16
178) Bodyguard Armor
The Good: You clearly grasp the rules well and this is clearly written.
The Bad: The first interesting power comes up with the aid another ability
The Ugly: Think of it this way you made armor that would go really great on a spell caster's cohort...
Overview: 2 Stars for me as this got into a bunch of minutia I typically glaze over. Part of being a Superstar item is this... be entertaining and this fails to entertain.
179) Scimitar of Dancing Lightning
The Good: Decent description and I love the save vs electricity gives you haste mechanic
The Bad: The arc lightning power isn't really that innovative
The Ugly: The haste power doesn't feel right on a weapon
Overview: 3 stars as I found this middling. There are things to like but it just didn't hold up to a lot of the competition.
180) Ring of the Champion
The Good: Neat idea kind of like a mirror image that can do a little more
The Bad: Name doesn't fit the champion theme to me
The Ugly: Ok so 2 copies that can aid another but no words on what happens if they are targeted... no mirror image in prerequisites... You had like 200 more words to carry this idea into a cooler space.
Overview: 2 stars as a potentially cool idea becomes little more than a situational mechanical bonus.
181) Soulfire Band
The Good: Great opening line and utility on this item is fairly cool
The Bad: I shall load this with the souls of kittens...
The Ugly: It's vastly underpriced for something that prevents a ressurection spell form firing.
Overview: 3 stars for me as I found this middling.
Caught up, Whooot!
I hope everyone found my reviews entertaining this year. I'll keep up with anything new so if you haven't gotten feedback there is still time.
Caught up, Whooot!
I hope everyone found my reviews entertaining this year. I'll keep up with anything new so if you haven't gotten feedback there is still time.
Um...there's more past the soulfire band...
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I'll get to page 17 tomorrow... I did in fact notice it after I gave myself a pat on the back.
Gimmie feedback Solspiral, not sleep, eat, or work, just FEEDBACK!!! Super Kami Guru demands it.
177) Ghostspike Longspear
The Good: I really like the crit mechanic on this it is well written and fun
The Bad: description basically says that it looks like a plain spear.
The Ugly: Resist the urge to tell us how to use your item
Overview: 3.5 stars for me this was upper middling core issue is that ultimately this is just a spear that's better then normal at being ghost touch.
I thought this one had an excellent concept but... is there a means of bypassing the immunity to critical hits that the incorporeal subtype gives, that I'm not aware of?
I thought this one had an excellent concept but... is there a means of bypassing the immunity to critical hits that the incorporeal subtype gives, that I'm not aware of?
The criticism isn't the mechanic the criticism is that the core idea seems to be "I'll take Ghost touch and make it better." Part of what makes a challenge with incorporeal creatures fun is that they are a little harder. Basically this takes a encounter and makes is less fun if a player has this item...
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Yes Lord Guru (I guess I'm Nail in this scenario)
Page 16 continued...
182) Ring of Retrospection
The Good: Cool name and the core idea might work for some games...
The Bad: Craft wondrous item was the least of the worry here...
The Ugly: Free XP is a serious issue as it basically makes adventuring easier/faster. If a GM wants the XP track faster there's actually different XP scales.
Overall: 1 star this was a properly formatted clearly written bad idea I'm sorry to say.
Page 17
183) Ring of Adaptive Weaponry
The Good: Pricing looks ok and the core idea of having an item shift materials temporarily is a good one.
The Bad: The back story was a Goleran tie in but it was also 90% of your description...
The Ugly: How about 1 ring with a pocket you can store a little of whatever material you want in and command to change the weapon? Seems like there were better way to execute this idea.
Overall: 2 stars for a good idea gone wrong.
184) Rod of Bounding Flame
The Good: Solid visuals and it feels like a proper rod (there is no way to comment on a rod that doesn't make me snicker though.)
The Bad: I saw this last year only better and in the top 32
The Ugly: It also feels like a video game attack.
Overall: 4 star for me as it wasn't at all bad just not a favorite
185) Campaign Staff
The Good: I like the concept of going after a war/siege themed item and the staff was a hard challenge to take on
The Bad: The elementals aren't a new mechanic that's just another set of spells.
The Ugly: If used as a bar against a door treat it as an immovable rod, if used as a ram treat the wielder as having a strength of 30 using a giant club, something like that
Overall: 2 stars as there was mojo in there somewhere you just didn't execute on it properly.
186) Ancestor’s Breastplate
The Good: I love the idea of a ghostly warrior helping a hero become better
The Bad: the pharasmian script + spirit of battle didn't mix well for me.
The Ugly: The Dex thing was the real issue... So I can have a 5 Dex and still get max benefit? That makes this broken
Overall: 3.5 stars for me as I still liked this enough to feel it was upper middling.
Now I'm actually current
...Now I'm actually current
WHOOHOO!! :D
171) Blood Magic Dagger
The Good: I like the core idea of using blood to enhance magic it is an interesting track
The Bad: Blood items set off my SS2013 PTSD
The Ugly: Maybe if this was specific to someone with magic bin their blood like anyone with a sorc bloodline? The damage is negligible and the number of spell levels up that can be ignored needs a limit as there's no cost difference with this item between say quickened and silenced. What type of action is this? free? swift? standard?
Overview: 1 star as the idea has merit but isn't executed well I am sorry to say.
Thanks for the feedback GM_Solspiral.
What is SS2013 PTSD?
Actually the type of action is free, because you activate the dagger as part of the same action of casting a spell. Perhaps it should be more explicit.
And there is not different cost because the payment is blood, pretty much like the Staff of the Master.
Super Star 2013 Post Traumatic Stress disorder... there were a large number of blood items that had over the top detail.
For the record: I'm cool with it if folk want clarification on the critiques to a certain extent. I write these very quickly and sometimes I miss a detail or go a little cowboy and shoot from the hip.
In a side message I realized I got carried away on one review after rereading it that was unfair. Something about the item triggered an uncomfortable association with a problem I was having in real life and it carried into the review.
Thanks for taking the time to give feedback!
187) Shield of the Eye
The Good: I love that it's a tower shield and the direction of the design was appealing, I like that it better equips fighters against undead.
The Bad: I find the last sentence very confusing
The Ugly: The last sentence i just one example fo multiple wording issues which hurts your chances.
Overview: 2 stars a likable concept meets a poor execution which is on the lower end of middling for me.
I just realized my thread is the only spot Surveying ordinance requested feedback.
188) Surveying Ordnance
The Good: Neat visual, clear theme, and I love details like the core of this is a crystal ball.
The Bad: In my experience you're playing to niche crowd by going cannon ammo.
The Ugly: A ship that can afford enough of these to be practical can hire a wizard with a bird familiar to do the same only more stealthy.
Overall: 3 stars for being a really fun bad idea item. It would be a difficult challenge to make the concept work better in the setting. There are worlds/settings that this might work better in but I have to judge it by pathfinder rules. t ended up middling for me.
Now for fun... I'm not Nickolas Floyd or Brigg but if you look at their fun threads and think "man I wish I got in on that early" tell ya what! I'll do the first 10 requests for an edit my item or tell a short story about my item (must pick 1.) Bonus I will select 1 to do both!
I would greatly appreciate it if you could do an edit for my Serpentine Stave. Short stories and fiction are awesome, but I'm a bit more interested in improving my item creation skills. Having someone with as much experience as you taking a stab at fixing my item would be amazing.
This is about 30-40 minutes worth of rethinking/working. It's not perfect but it's headed in the right direction.
Serpentine Stave
Aura moderate varied; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 85066 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This staff is composed of intertwining reeds and branches. The head of the staff is roughly crafted to resemble a serpent, fangs bared.
• Neutralize poison (1 charge)
• Poison (1 charge)
• Slay living (3 charges)
As a standard action the wielder of a serpentine stave can expend one or two charges from the staff and drop it in an unoccupied adjacent square to animate the staff for one minute. While animated the staff has the stats of an iron cobra without the find target special quality and with an intelligence score of 0. If two charges were expended, the staff is treated as either an adamantine cobra or mithral cobra. When animated, the staff is automatically filled with 3 doses of black adder venom. The staff is mindless and incapable of acting unless its owner spends a move action to command it in any given round.
While animated, the staff can expend charges stored within it to cast neutralize poison, poison, and slay living as if it were being wielded. The staff uses its own caster level and the relevant casting stat of its owner to determine the strength and save DCs of the spells.
If the staff is reduced to 0 or fewer hit points while animated the staff reverts to an inanimate state and cannot be animated again for 24 hours. If the staff is reduced to 0 or fewer hit points while not animated, it is destroyed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, animate objects, neutralize poison, poison, slay living; Cost 42533 gp
Aura moderate varied; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 85,066 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
This staff is covered in iridescent blue-green scales and topped with a snake’s head crowned with a multicolored fan of feathers. If the staff wielder has the celestial or serpentine bloodline they gain a +1 to the DC of the saves for bloodline spells.
• Neutralize poison (1 charge)
• Poison (1 charge)
• Invisibility (1 charge)
• Freedom of movement (3 charges)
As a standard action the wielder of a couatl stave can expend one two charges from the staff and drop it in an unoccupied adjacent square to animate the staff for one minute. The stave grows and transforms into the likeness and with the base stats of a couatl with saddle. The stave will willing serve as a mount but will not attack or use any of it’s spell like abilities. It can and will however fly
If the staff is reduced to 0 or fewer hit points while animated the staff reverts to an inanimate state and cannot be animated again for 24 hours. If the staff is reduced to 0 or fewer hit points while not animated, it is destroyed.
Construction
Requirements Craft Staff, animate objects, enlarge, freedom of movement, invisibility, mount neutralize poison, poison Cost 42533 gp
I wanted to keep the serpent theme but get away from the obvious poison route, thus serpent became winged serpent a.k.a the couatl. To me the coolest thing this did was animate into the iron/mithral/adamantine cobra but that didn’t make sense with the shift in theme to couatls thus the staff transforms into a large flying mount.
I added the slight sorc benefit for a way to do something different.
Another way might have been to simply be a super snake stave and let it change to a blowgun that poisons and have it capable of being used as a garrott (representing constricting.) I also considered going way further with the interaction with the sorc bloodlines. In my eyes that wanders into rod territory.
I didn’t really do the math to rehash the pricing. In all honesty I get the judges seemed to care but it’s low on my priority list when I look at design unless it’s grossly over or under valued.
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180) Ring of the Champion
The Good: Neat idea kind of like a mirror image that can do a little more
The Bad: Name doesn't fit the champion theme to me
The Ugly: Ok so 2 copies that can aid another but no words on what happens if they are targeted... no mirror image in prerequisites... You had like 200 more words to carry this idea into a cooler space.
Overview: 2 stars as a potentially cool idea becomes little more than a situational mechanical bonus
We have a misunderstanding here as the ring produces duplicates of itself not of its wearer.
But your idea is actually quite cooler than mine ;-)
We have a misunderstanding here as the ring produces duplicates of itself not of its wearer.
But your idea is actually quite cooler than mine ;-)
Then the item was not at all clear to me... I guess I was reading into the "elemental bod" requirement and was like ah neat a duplicate made of elemental energy.
Could this be confusion with another item? I thought there were two items named "Ring of the Champion"?
Could this be confusion with another item? I thought there were two items named "Ring of the Champion"?
There were 2 rings of the Champion I reviewed both and they were not at all similar
Could this be confusion with another item? I thought there were two items named "Ring of the Champion"?There were 2 rings of the Champion I reviewed both and they were not at all similar
OK; I thought so. Just wondering if Black Raven is confusing your reviews.
I'd enjoy seeing how you'd use my Varisian Dancing Chain in a story, if you're game! :)
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I'd enjoy seeing how you'd use my Varisian Dancing Chain in a story, if you're game! :)
Oh I can have fun with that one
Thank you for the notes GM_Solspiral! I'm glad you liked the Lash of Wild Roses, and with new eyes forged from this contest, I can easily see where I went astray.
Thank you for all the effort and advice you've given to us all.
Before I get to writing a short fiction piece featuring Varisian Dancing Chain (I have a character in mind for it already and I'll tease that it's a female dwarven swashbuckler) I have some reviews to get to from page 18.
189) Catapulting Full Plate
The Good: This was one of my favorites in the competition. Every dwarf barbarian that has ever existed wants this...
The Bad: The price makes this unreachable for most campaigns I've played in.
The Ugly: I'd adjust the bit on touch attack to be against buildings and targets of a certain size. You could lower price a bit if you made that attack less easy to abuse.
Overall: 4.5 Stars as I truly would have considered this for top 32 warts and all. I like it and will likely use an edited version in my home game.
190) Staff of the Beast Within
The Good: I love the description on this with the moving paw prints. That is the kind of detail that makes an item special. I liek the choices you made with regards to spells.
The Bad: Ok the outside the normal staff mechanic is how to recharge it... I'd call that functional but not superstar
The Ugly: The name resulted in down votes from me every time I read it. I player in plenty of vampire larps and rand one for 3 years I'm familiar with the Animalism power that inspired this and if you didn't make that obvious with the name I wouldn't have noticed or cared.
Overall: 3 stars as in middling for me. Rename it and you'd get a 4 stars, trade out the recharge for something more interesting that interacts with rage and you might have a 5 star item there.
191) Scales of the Scarab
The Good: I love scarabs and I love the idea of the scarabs eating a corpse as a method of preservation
The Bad: The bit with the reforming letters and what not should be cut as it is both confusing and neither makes em want it more or less.
The Ugly: What kills the item for me is the order and way this is worded. By the second sentence I was rereading the first to see if I missed something by the first read thru I had reread several sections repeatedly because the flow of the piece is not one I'd consider logical.
Overall: s stars for a cool idea you Tarintinoed into wording confusion.
191) Scales of the Scarab
The Good: I love scarabs and I love the idea of the scarabs eating a corpse as a method of preservation
The Bad: The bit with the reforming letters and what not should be cut as it is both confusing and neither makes em want it more or less.
The Ugly: What kills the item for me is the order and way this is worded. By the second sentence I was rereading the first to see if I missed something by the first read thru I had reread several sections repeatedly because the flow of the piece is not one I'd consider logical.
Overall: s stars for a cool idea you Tarintinoed into wording confusion.
Thanks for taking the time to review my item!
A couple of things:
1.) I love Tarintono'ed as a verb.
2.) I actually struggled with weather or not to cut the bit about the scarabs forming letters (notice that almost all of the top 32 were well under word count), but I thought maybe it inspired some cool hooks? Like a swarm of scarabs spelling out "HELP ME" when approached by PCs?
Honestly, every year I feel like my submission is pushing 300 words. It's a problem.
3.) Just out of curiosity, how many stars did you mean by "S Stars?" e.e
I feel like "S" looks more like a "5" than any other number, so I'll assume 5. Yeah. Yeah.
Thanks for taking the time to review my item!A couple of things:
1.) I love Tarintono'ed as a verb.2.) I actually struggled with weather or not to cut the bit about the scarabs forming letters (notice that almost all of the top 32 were well under word count), but I thought maybe it inspired some cool hooks? Like a swarm of scarabs spelling out "HELP ME" when approached by PCs?
Honestly, every year I feel like my submission is pushing 300 words. It's a problem.
3.) Just out of curiosity, how many stars did you mean by "S Stars?" e.e
1) I enjoyed that too.
2) I get that it's a "problem" but I'd rather be close to 300 then under 200 as I see 300 limits as a 250ish target.It was intended to be a 3 sorry typo demons
Dedicated Voter Season 8
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The Ugly: The name resulted in down votes from me every time I read it. I player in plenty of vampire larps and rand one for 3 years I'm familiar with the Animalism power that inspired this and if you didn't make that obvious with the name I wouldn't have noticed or cared.
For what it's worth, I did a quick google search of the name and this Animalism thing didn't come up. I must have overlooked it. I've played Ventrue and Gangrel, but I was always more focused on Dominate and Protean, respectively, and never gave Animalism more than a passing glance.
Otherwise, thanks for the critique.
192) Staff of Duergar Enslavement
The Good: Ok I like the theme (mind control) and the description line a lot.
The Bad: I look at price early as it usually sets up a red flag when I see 6 digits.
The Ugly: Oh I see... So staves can be recharged and that effect essentially would make it pretty easy for Duergar to take over the world. They just have to start with all the wizards.
Overall: 2 stars for me this item was going in an ok direction then it jumped the shark with it's bizarre race/alignment change power.
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In case you thought I forgot...
Varisian Dancing Chain
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot armor; Price 10,250 gp; Weight 25 lbs.
Description
This +1 chain shirt, expertly crafted for maximum mobility, is made up of thousands of delicate and decorative interlocking links. The armor has a maximum Dexterity bonus of +6, and no armor check penalty.
Most significantly, the wearer may, as an immediate action once per round, attempt to reverse an attack of opportunity made against the wearer. When an enemy attempts an attack of opportunity against the wearer, the wearer may choose to make a reflex save with a DC equal to the enemy's attack roll. If successful, the enemy's attack of opportunity misses, and the wearer may instead make an attack of opportunity against the enemy.
Construction
Requirements Craft Magic Arms and Armor, haste; Cost 5,250 gp
Arina Shadowsting's eyes narrowed into a glare at the request. The scrag standing across from her was a specimen among his ilk as he was nine feet tall hunched over. It was enough of a hunch to have his claws lazily drag across the deck when he walked making scratching sounds alternated with clacks. Some fool metal worker had capped it's teeth with mithral giving his sharp teeth a gleaming malice and he had an extra arm that looked to be functional rather than vestigial. Somehow the barnacles he had cultivated across his frame resembled clothing and it was a variety she knew to be poisonous.
"I'll say it again dwarven sow if you want passage this time it will cost you more than the usually herd beasts you give as tribute. We want your prisoners." Gleamtooth extenuated his point with a tilt of his head in the direction of the rail. The waters held a Scrag clan of a dozen or so sea trolls and twice again that number of scraghounds.
A fight would certainly cost her crewmen but the alternative was turning over a dozen or so pirates, many of which had bounties on their heads that would pay the crew and fill her coffers.
Her hands already hovered over her weapons of choice, scorch (a flaming adamantine boarding ax) and her spool rigged hand crossbow. "Yer changing the deal Gleamtooth, though you were smarter then that. Why would I want to make another deal when you're ready to break your word."
Gleamtooth stretched throwing his three arms arrogantly wide intentionally leaving an opening as he spoke, "the choice is yours we can fight or you can meet our demands, either way my clan will feast."
Arina smiled. He had as she intended focused on her while her ship's druid changed into the form of a rat and positioned itself behind the Scrag. She had to deal with the beast swiftly and decisively if she was going to avoid a conflict with the entire clan.
Practiced, near unconsciously swift motions had her boarding ax and spiked buckler in hand faster than an eye could blink. She lurched forward like she was going to charge and Gleamtooth took what he thought was an opening. Thanks to her elven teacher's gift decades ago the magic of her dancing chain activated and her reflexes proved true and her shield met his descending claw.
Using a lunging technique she scored a flaming slice across the beast's chest, Arina followed up by stepping inside the scrag's reach and combining her buckler spike and flaming ax to effect.
Still reeling from her assault her sometimes lover Hrapp the ship's druid warped the planks beneath the scrag's feet robbing it of footing and impaling it in places as it partly fell between decks.
Arina smiled as it gave her another opening which she seized by taking the Scrag's head. Gleamtooth's body was still twitching as it feel below decks. The men below were prepared with tridents to [pin it and torches to finish the job.
With the spiked end Arina impaled the sea-troll's had and held it aloft. "I'll tell ye beasties this only one time..." Her men tossed the first of a half dozen goats overboard, "next time ye send someone they had best honor their agreements."
It's a draft and I'm not 100% satisfied with it but it represents about 45 minutes which is what time I had to spare... I kind fo like her and might revisit her again.
Saltbeard Dwarf Captain with 7 levels of Daring Champion archetype and a level of shadow dancer was about what I had in mind here.
8 spots left for either a redesign or a short story...
I would love a short story or rewrite your choice about my Dreaming Star.
This just tickles my creative itch.
Dreaming Star
Aura strong illusion (shadow); CL 17th
Slot ring; Price 50,000 gp; Weight —
Description
Coalesced from purest ether, shining with a flickering multi-hued corona of palest starlight, a dreaming star resembling a constantly transforming gemstone, rests in a delicate and intricate ring setting reminiscent of the night sky, which channels its unfettered power.
The wearer of a dreaming star may once per day, upon command, evoke from herself or a willing or unconscious subject, whom she can touch, a dream or fantasy which she forces into reality.
For a number of minutes equal to the wearer’s charisma score the evoked fantasy manifests as if created via shades used to emulate create demiplane. Individuals, details, and items within the dream are as if created with persistent image, with the exceptions of adding tactile sensory feedback and operating as they would in the dream rather than to a script.
The wearer of a dreaming star may as a full round action choose to destroy the star while it is manifesting a dream so as to allow her to select one item or person from that fantasy and grant them a permanent form. Items created by this use of a dreaming star may not have a sale value greater than that of the star. Individuals created thus are as created by Simulacrum using the bearer’s level as caster level, with the exception that they maintain their own free will and are only as loyal to the bearer of the star as they were in the dream that created them.
This use of the dreaming star immediately ends any dream or fantasy currently manifested by the star.
Construction
Requirements Forge Ring, persistent image, shades, simulacrum; Cost 25,000 gp
Hmm tough one part of me wants to play with the mechanics of this and give a good overhaul and part of me wants to do a "careful what you wish for" cautionary tale. After all there are spells and monsters that can manipulate a dream, making that a reality can be quite the horror story.
LEaning toward the story but I will let it marinate a bit.
Nice job! Fun story, GM. It's great to see the Dancing Chain in action. Thanks! :)