2014 Critique my Wondrous Item thread

[Daethor]

Broken Zenith wrote:

Too icky? This was actually inspired by an in-game escapade.

Skinflayer's Scalpel

This may have been too icky for some people, but not me. Honestly, I loved the flavor of it, but a +20 bonus to Disguise checks is too much if it only changes facial appearance and voice. Imagine if you were a heavyset person wearing a thinner person's face (or vice-versa) or if your skin tone was different from the victim's? It would clearly give you away, and thinking of that lessened the coolness of this a lot for me. I think a much smaller (or circumstantial) bonus or a more comprehensive appearance change would have helped a lot.

I'd love to hear that story by the way if you want to PM me :)

[Andrew Black]

DiamondDustDealer wrote:

Hello all,

This was my first year entering the contest. I would appreciate any feedback you might have on my item. Thanks!

Dead Jester's Cap

Welcome to the Contest. I saw your item a few times in the voting and I did vote for it some of those times. The reason: I thought it was creative with a good name. I liked the concept of the jester cap giving powers over the undead.

The reason I didn't vote for it more often is I don't see a lot of use for it in the game. As a DM I don't see a villain with a cap telling jokes to the undead as something that inspires the need for adventures to come and stop them. I also couldn't think of a reason my PC would want to find this in a treasure horde and use it.

I like that you took a chance with this and think you have the begging of something cool. If I had seen this before the contest I think I would have suggested trying to focus on the creepy and less on the charismatic.

I hope you keep submitting Items because I think you might surprise us next year. Thanks for sharing your Item with us DiamondDustDealer.

[zylphryx]

Feros wrote:

Third Page Critiques:

Resonant Tines

Thanks for the feedback Feros. Visually, yeah, a tuning fork is not very overwhelming to be sure. I don't see the extended crit threat as being a hassle (it's temporary, yes, but it would be the equivalent to someone casting keen edge or badger's ferocity ... though those spells get used a bit in the circle I play in so I may just be used to it). The visual impact is something I will need to focus on next year.

Thanks again. :)

[Damien Mc Gurrell]

The Wanted Nail
Aura faint conjuration, faint enchantment; CL 5th
Slot none; Price 900 gp; Weight —
Description
The wanted nail is a 2 inch long black iron horseshoe nail. The nail is activated by kneeling and saying “For want of a knight the battle was lost.” This is a standard action that provokes an attack of opportunity. When the nail is activated, users find themselves mounted upon a noble steed and wearing a set of gleaming full plate. The steed summoned can either be a combat trained heavy horse or a combat trained pony. The user gains proficiency with heavy armor while wearing the full plate. If the user is already proficient with full plate, the armor gains a +1 enhancement bonus. The user also gains a +4 morale bonus to the Ride checks while using the steed. The nail may be used only once. The steed, the armor, and the nail’s effects last for 1 hour.

A paladin or cavalier may use the nail if they are currently without a mount and claim the summoned steed as their new mount. In this case they must say “For want of a horse the knight was lost.” This bypasses the cavalier’s requirement to mourn their previous mount and the 30 days where a paladin may not summon another mount in the case of its death. When used this way, the steed remains as the user’s mount permanently or until killed. A paladin must have the divine bond class feature and have chosen a mount to avail of this new mount.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, heroism, summon monster II; Cost 450gp

[Andrew Black]

Jürgen Hubert wrote:

After reading various comments on the forums, I was quickly realizing that this item probably wouldn't make it. Apart from its cost issues, it's simply not an adventuring item and it's rather hard to make it important to adventures as well. I think it absolutely does make sense that items like this exist in Pathfinder/D&D settings where you have multiple currencies which can be used interchangably for no apparent reason (and indeed, this is why I came up with the concept for my Urbis setting), but this item addresses a genre assumption instead of the needs of adventurers and adventures.

----------------------

Banker’s Monocle

I think your own self assessment is spot on. It is the exact reason that I didn't vote for the item when I saw during the weeks of voting. I agree this would be a neat item to put in the hands of an NPC if it were better explained.

That is the other problem I have with this entry is it tells me about what it does, but not how. The first paragraph tells me it can perceive the "rightness." How does this work in game mechanics? The way it reads, the item is 100% effective. If it is in the hands of an NPC and the PC are trying to swindle or pass forgeries than its a non challenge. PC's should always have a chance, even if difficult, to succeed and putting an item into the hands of NPCs that thwart all attempts make the game no fun. I think this item would be better if it had a bonus to detect forgeries.

I would like to suggest you go and read SKR's auto reject threads. There are a lot of useful tips there and warnings for things to avoid if you want the judges and the voting public to like your item. The second paragraph of this one is all backstory, while it is neat and interesting it is more suited to a campaign setting entry vs. a magic item entry.

Thanks for sharing your Item with us, and keep at it Jurgen.

[Chris Shaeffer]

I'm going to try to comment on as many items as I can over the weekend, but while I'm on break and thinking about it:

Damien Mc Gurrell wrote:

The Wanted Nail

This left an impression on me. Normally, I have an aversion to items that are static and don't actually *do* anything. This could easily be a horseshoe, or a little figurine of a horse, or whatever. If, say, you had to drive the nail into the ground and the horse erupted out of that spot, that would tie the item to its function visually and conjure up a really cool image!

I also normally dislike simple +Whatever bonuses...

BUT, I really liked this item anyway. Something about it screams classic fantasy to me, like some kind of "Sword in the Stone" or "King Arthur" feel. The activation phrases are great (note, though, that normally command words are left ambiguous). The somber, desperate imagery it relays to me is great. The name is classic too.

It's very well-written, easy to understand, and the numerical bonuses make sense, so I hardly even noticed them. It is a bit of a "Mount in a Can", but I like the way it can turn anyone into a knight in shining armor, and the way it interfaces with mounted class abilities.

All in all, I love it. It was among my top picks.

[Andrew Black]

angellus00 wrote:

Stone of Knowledge

I saw this only a couple of times when voting. I liked it, but it lost my vote to items I though had more wow factor. I think it is a neat way to give characters a bonus to skill checks, and I don't mind that it allows a character to use a sill untrained since this is a consumable one time item. This item falls into the "great for a book of magic items" but not Superstar for me.

One of the things I really liked was the use of Knowledge skill ranks in the construction requirements. Typically I don't like skill requirements for crafters, here however it makes me think of the caster imparting some of his/her knowledge into the stone to allow someone else to use it which I think is creative and cool. This tells me you have some design chops and I'd love to see what you can come up with that has more Superstar Pizzaz.

Thanks for sharing your item with us angellus00, I can't wait to see what you give us next year.

[x93edwards]

Feros wrote:

Shears of the Hairless Hag

Thank you for the review Feros. You (and others) certainly raised great questions that I hadn't considered. Good advice to take into next year.

[Jacob W. Michaels]

Damien Mc Gurrell wrote:

The Wanted Nail

Oh, I'm glad you posted this, Damien, because I thought it was really close to being a favorite of mine and it was one of two items I really wanted to give feedback on. (As is, I was a little frustrated, because there were a few things keeping me from liking it unreservedly, though I know I upvoted it some.)

Granted, in some ways it was a class/monster/gear in a can, but I thought the visuals just worked for me. How unexpected would it be too suddenly have your wizard -- out of spells -- in full armor on a charging steed (if only he got a lance and proficiency with that too!). Like Chris, I thought there was something Arthurian about this.

But a couple things did make me downvote it:
First of all, I think you went too much into HOW the item was activated. Most wondrous items don't give the specific command word(s), much less insist you be kneeling (though I sort of get the reasoning behind that latter requirement). I think that hurt you a little.

For me, though, the second graf really hurt it. I felt that was doing too much to remove a specific drawback in a couple classes, and one that made it so players could have a mount that was just an expendable resource to be noted on paper instead of something his/her character would really care about. I understand why mechanically it might be nice to not have to wait that time, but I thought it hurt the role-playing aspects of the game.

[Andrew Black]

Broken Zenith wrote:

Too icky? This was actually inspired by an in-game escapade.

Skinflayer's Scalpel

I saw this item several times and sometimes it did get my vote, but not as often as I passed on it. Too Icky? Yes and No. As a player I don't care for it. I don't see any of my characters, or any of the characters in my groups that would make it or use it. I have no desire to to find it in a treasure horde.

On the other hand as a DM I can see using this as part of a murder/intrigue adventure that has PC's finding faceless corpses and trying to figure who the killer is and why the victims are important. For that reason this is more an adventure hook/plot line than a Wondrous Item for me.

Also this item reminded me a lot of the movie Face/Off staring John Travolta and Nicholas Cage.

Thank you for sharing your item with us Broken Zenith, I hope you submit something next year because I think you have some creative ideas.

[Acre]

Nickolas Floyd wrote:

Acre wrote:

Jar of Imprisoned Echoes

I never saw this one in the voting. It is interesting, but is not something I would be excited to find in a treasure hoard. It has a little too much description for a magic item, but the descriptions are evocative. It allows you to steal someone's voice, but they have to be dead or helpless. Any time you have to hold someone down to use an item on them, it just rubs me the wrong way. Of course, if the character you want to target is not interested in facing you in a fair fight, murder is the other option. I just don't think items that need to be used in this way are good for the game. Great in a novel or a movie, but not in a game.

As you point out it is a spell in a can (or two spells), but there is some mojo that makes it somewhat more than that. Like the fact that it is a spell combo, and that it is consumable to make it last for days. Overall, it is a few steps away from superstar in my opinion. There is a spark here and I wish you luck in coming up with a superstar idea next year.

Thank you for the review Nickolas! It is very helpful to understand the way I pictured the item being used is not necessarily the way the description makes it sound to another (who is reading it for the first time). The intention of being able to use the jar on a helpless creature was actually included for the use of goodish PC's, as they could incapacitate their target and steal their voice without outright killing anyone. While the ability of the jar to steal the voice of a dead creature was included for the use of more neutral or evil aligned PC's (generally speaking). However, I do see you're point, the description and tone does put a slightly sinister connotation on the text about using the jar on a "helpless" creature. It truly is helpful to understand how others actually see the tone and usefulness of the item, rather than what I saw in my mind's eye during design.... i.e. the many games where a failed stealth check botches a would be sneaking game session, and me wishing I had an item to steal the voice of the first guard who happened upon the group, in order to bluff/fool the remaining garrison form coming to check on the large clatter in the next room :)

Thanks again!

[Balano]

Jellyfish Belt – 196 Words
Jellyfish Belt

Aura strong conjuration; CL 10th
Slot belt; Price 34,800 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This translucent belt is composed of a gelatinous substance that is supported by a transparent skin, submerged in water it becomes lightly pink, expands and creates deadly tentacles.

Whenever the wearer submerges the belt in any type of water (saltwater or freshwater), this expands in size and creates huge tentacles of 20-ft.-radius centered on the belt. The tentacles attack everyone (enemies or allies), except de wearer, that enter in this area. The tentacles remain active for ten rounds or until dispelled.

Every creature within the area of the Jellyfish Belt is the target of a black tentacles spell, the tentacles has the following statistics: CMB 15 and CMD 25. If the character is wearing the belt when it is submerged this gains the ability to float on water. The wearer gains +10 competence bonus on swim checks, but cannot dive.

Because the belt only work if previously dry, it is necessary to remove all its water before using it again, the Jellyfish Belt can only be used once a day.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, black tentacle; Cost 17,400 gp

[gbonehead]

Gloves of the Artful Gardener
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 7th
Slot hands; Price 16,200 gp; Weight
Description
Crafted from tough brown leather with deep green canvas backing, these hardy gloves protect the wearer from thorns, nettles, and other similar hazards. Beyond granting DR 2/slashing or bludgeoning, the gloves allow modification of vegetation into forms either practical or whimsical at the wearer's desire.

Three times per day as a standard action the wearer may permanently alter up to 20 cubic feet of living or dead plant matter, including undergrowth, hedges, brush and the like. The modification can be as simple as a passage or as complex as a small topiary garden. Magical effects such as entangle or wall of thorns require a check to succeed (1d20 + gloves' caster level of 7 against DC = 11 + target spell's caster level); regardless of success, a charge is expended.

Large volumes of solid wood and creatures with the plant type cannot be altered, though plant creatures are staggered for 1d4 rounds if they are in the area of effect (Fortitude save DC 15 negates).

Alternately, all daily uses may be expended as a full-round action to sculpt vegetation into a large living topiary (treat as a living topiary with the advanced template). The topiary serves its creator for 7 rounds, after which it reverts to its former state.

Construction
Requirements Knowledge (nature) 6 ranks, command plants, freedom of movement, plant growth; Cost 8,100 gp

[Nykidemus]

Nazard wrote:

Andrew Black wrote:

Nykidemus wrote:

I saw these as well, and felt they were a bit too derivative of channelers in Wheel of Time reading residues of gateways, us such, lost originality points.

Ugh, I've very specifically avoided ever reading wheel of time. >_<

Appreciate the feedback regardless. : )

[Acre]

Feros wrote:

Third Page Critiques:

Jar of Imprisoned Echoes...

Feros, thank you for the reveiw! I intentionally wanted to make an item with relatively simple, easy to understand mechanics. Looking back, however, I can see how this may have backfired a bit. In the end, the jar can easily be taken as bare-bones, so far as mechanics are concerned, which can be a turn off. And, you certainly might be right that I got a bit caught up in the description, and maybe, just maybe, went too far with attempting to make the jar and its effects sound neat-o. In the end, what I take from some of the critiques people have generously written, is that a wondrous item may not the best place for (overly)descriptive language. A lesson for next year.

Thanks again!

[DawnforgedCast]

Treads of Momentum
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot feet; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.

Description:

The wearer of these dark brown leather boots never quite feels perfectly settled on the ground. Upon close inspection a faint change in color is apparent across the sole. Like the opalescence of a sea shell it shifts from pale blue at the top to murky grey at the bottom.

Any round in which a wearer of these boots does not use their full speed in a movement action they may add the difference to their move speed the next round. The wearer must move at least 10 feet for this effect to apply and the bonus speed lasts only for the next round.

If the wearer uses the Bull Rush Combat Maneuver they surge forward as a torrent of water. They may apply their accrued bonus movement to the additional distance they push their target back.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, expeditious retreat, hydraulic push; Cost 2,500 gp

[Damien Mc Gurrell]

Thanks for the feedback so far guys, keep it coming. I was happy with the wanted nail but was taking a bit of a gamble. Its activation refers to a very old rhyme that I really love and I really didn't know how widespread it would be.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/For_Want_of_a_Nail

[Feros]

Fourth Page Critiques:

Chillforge Stein:

I like the story telling here. Very cool. It feels like magic. I think this suffered from being a seen as a programmable spell in a can. Explosive runes is a very common spell, especially here on the boards.

Spoiler:

Explosive runes! >:D

Stormtide Jar:

Interesting idea, but the flavor text about aquatic races doesn’t really work; it doesn’t ring true. I see no reason why they would want such a device when they usually have access to easily replenished water magic. Ultimately it feels like a summoned water elemental rather than a magic effect. Also 6,000 gp for an expendable item? That is far too high.

Coeurl Domino:

I actually kind of liked aspects of this item, but it suffered from two big problems: the image of the tendrils coming out of the ears and the damage against constructs. The first was a little too weird for most people I suspect and the second one didn’t seem to fit with the rest of the powers without some explanation. There was a good idea here, but it got a little overdesigned.

Cloak of Adamantine Chains:

Very expensive and very powerful. The imagery is not bad, but the nova effect of firing off at up to eleven targets within 100 feet for 11d6 damage…this is a bit much even for once per day. Most campaigns end before the characters get to the level where this might be better balanced.

Clarion Cymbals:

This is a very powerful item for the relatively small amount of money it costs. Stunning opponents for multiple rounds is like leading lambs to the slaughter. There is also a guaranteed stunned for one round effect. No save. That is generally not a good idea and many voters would consider it game breaking, especially if this item was worn by someone with a high initiative bonus.

Tatiana’s Turtle Tureen:

Mainly considered a “camping” item in that its sole reason for existing is to provide food while the party is resting. You have to ask yourself: is that effect worth 5,000 gp? This is one of those items that would likely exist in a fantasy world, but is unlikely to be part of an adventure except for back color.

Sewing Form of the Steel Seamstress:

Wearing armor without wearing armor? Neat! But the cost compared with the various bracers of armor can really make you question its value. Ultimately there are better ways to get clothing only protection already in the game.

Fury Powder:

Rather cool imagery for what is essentially a spell in a can. That may have been your downfall; it just didn’t register with enough people to get them to overlook one of the cardinal DO NOT DO suggestions of the contest.

Astral Spike:

I think this has too much going on. It stops teleporting, but it also causes damaging teleporting over short distances. Add in the feat and the banishment, and the item loses too much focus. I’ve been learning this rule of thumb the hard way and I’ll pass it on to you: Focus on one thing only.

Icicle of the Frozen Waste:

This item is not bad, but really lacks the wow factor that most RPG Superstar Top 32 are supposed to have. The visual isn’t all that exciting, and as such the item doesn’t get voters wanting it. Good item generally though.

Venicaan Lantern:

The biggest mistake here was putting in the joke: the Emperor's Medicative Servants (EMS). Yes it is a healing item. Running off Emergency Medical Services was a big misstep, and probably caused a lot of voters to not take your item seriously. In order for a joke to be accepted it has to blow everyone away with its awesomeness. This didn’t.

Witchbane Glove:

Beating a person unconscious to help them overcome a witch’s curse? This went a little beyond. Had you stuck with the ability to capture a hex and turn it upon the foe, this item would have been far tighter and much better IMHO.

Tactician’s Go-Ke:

As I admire the game of go considerably, I liked this item and up-voted it a number of times. Still, turning the battle into a game of go is only going to confuse a lot of people, many of whom have never even heard of the strategy game.

Dragon Skin Cloak:

I like the concept here, but there is a lot going on and so many different things being covered, that the cool aspects of the item were sort of watered down to it being a cloak that absorbs energy and allows the wearer to use that energy. Just not enough innovation to appeal.

Vinculum Vests:

Not bad, but this is yet another item that would definitely do for a collection of magic items but isn’t imagination grabbing enough to be Superstar. There isn’t anything exciting about these vests and that is what tends to win out in this contest.

Imp Stone:

I liked this little item, but the attunment thing has very much become old for many voters in RPG Superstar. It’s fine if it makes sense because of the nature of the powers, but why should this item not be usable right from the start?

Treestrider’s Satchel:

Ultimately what you have here is a safe which for most people would be more expensive than any valuable that would be used with it. The ability to hide it in plain sight or in a forest is neat—as is the ability to recover it from any similar tree—but maybe just not vibrant enough an idea for the judges.

Jingasa of Steadfast Defense:

This is a little off. The brace ability is for pole-arms that can be placed firm against the ground on one end to receive a charge. A firearm doesn’t mechanically fit that unless you are talking elephant gun with a bayonet. Visually it doesn’t really work.

Ashen Ka Shabti:

The name may have done you some damage here, as is the fact that this is one very expensive consumable. 24,800 gp for a single use item? That attacks at a level where 20,000 gp isn’t going to be just thrown away. It does have a small benefit for not being used, but not enough to justify the cost.

Reanimating Battle Bones:

A rather inexpensive item that allows you to continue to function for a short period after dying in battle and possibly survive it. Better than most of the “you have to die for it to work” items we had this year, but it is an item that not many people might want.

Fire sculptors gloves:

One of my keepers! :D I loved the imagery here; shaping fire animals to serve. What’s not to love? Well, all the extra abilities involving absorbing fire, creating fire, and attacking with fire diminish the very cool central concept. A shame, as I really liked the core idea.

Medallion of the Nine Spheres:

There are two problems I see here: first it is useless except when in conjunction with an established magic item and second that it allows an augmentation of the pearls of power and the extra spells they bring.

[mad_mac_hl]

Bizarrely I seem to have lost a copy of my own Wondrous Item to post up for critquing! Could someone either PM or post a copy of "Stone of Elemental Blood" for me?

Thanks in advance!

[Kiel Howell]

Bloody Sheath of the Bravo

I went back and forth on this. On the one hand it has good visuals and it skirts the ick line really well. But at other times it crosses over the line (for me).

I feel like the sentence parsed a little oddly "When a blade is drawn from the sheath, a bravo can choose to either, with a flick of the wrist, launch a glob of blood at an opponent‘s eyes or with a flourish, bring a blood-soaked blade to bear." because of how many commas and interjections there were.

Gob of blood...this is the word that would sometimes drive it over the line for me. Drops or droplets or another word...gob just sat wrong with me personally sometimes.

Drawing a blade always becomes a swift action now? I understand what you mean...but the way this reads can be taken as meaning when you draw your weapon you are either attacking with the glob or presenting the weapon.

The sheathing action just doesn't do it for me...a little extraneous.

Overall, blood is a very enticing trap to fall into. It automatically seems like it has a cool image...but it usually doesn't pan out. I can't really advise you since you've actually made the Top 32 but if you could have made the name really be linked only in image instead of powers then it may have fared better.

[Kiel Howell]

Grips of the Drowning Dark

The name was cool. I really liked it. I actually upvoted this quite often.

Cool introduction.

Grapple rules...YAY!

Automatic prone on your first check...interesting. It makes them prone but it doesn't give the pinned. Very interesting twist.

Ok, second power on a failed grapple check is written with imagery. Interesting drawback as well on a successful save. This probably caused issue with voters because on a successful save they are STILL getting an effect.

Overall, I liked these. I like grappling and such so that makes it a personal thing. I think you lost voters on grapple rules though and on the effects on a successful save.

[LoreKeeper]

Bloodgorged Gloves
Aura moderate necromancy; CL 7th
Slot hands; Price 20,000 gp; Weight -
Description
These supple leather gloves are a deep crimson, akin to congealed blood. When worn the gloves possess a pulse of their own and appear covered in running blood. The gloves grant the wearer the power to control and manipulate the flow of blood. Twice a day the wearer may, as a standard action, activate the gloves to benefit from their power for one minute. While active in this manner whenever a creature within 30 feet of the wearer takes bleed damage, the wearer heals an equal amount of life. This only applies to bleed damage that inflicts hit point loss. The blood lost from bleeding creatures dissipates and forms a maelstrom of red mist around the bloodgorged gloves. While the gloves are active and a source of bleeding is present within 30 ft, the wearer may activate a secondary ability of the gloves: as a swift action the wearer can manipulate the maelstrom of vapors to leash out at creatures for one round. During this time he does not gain any healing from sources of bleeding, but can attack with the bloody mist. This is treated as if the wearer is wielding a +1 deadly wounding whip. For each source of bleeding after the first the whip's reach is increased by 5 ft to a maximum of 30 ft.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Reach Spell, bleed, vampiric touch; Cost 10,000 gp

[Kiel Howell]

Coat of the Eternal Vagabond

Love the name DQ. Really, really love it.

I like the introduction.

The 2nd sentence just jars a little bit...I typically dislike "the other property of" descriptions on the Wondrous Items.

It's kind of a portkey from Harry Potter :)

Overall, I like the theme and it is very cool...for a solo run. You did account for multiple creatures (and a standard party) but this coat has the inherent risk of splitting the party and forcing the GM to do the wearer and the rest of the party separetly. I think most voters likely felt that way...even with your precautions. I like how you made the mechanics for choosing distance and direction...but it's 3 extra rolls for the GM (a lot of people don't seem to like that). I really hope to see you up in the Top 32 one day...I think you've got what it takes.

[Brian L Clark]

DawnforgedCast wrote:

Treads of Momentum

The flavor you are setting up here is actually quite nice, conjuring visions of a restless character with fancy, shimmering shoes who really can bowl them over with a bull rush.

The problem is the mechanics you use for getting the extra movement. First, it is counter intuitive. It's not exactly "momentum" if you go faster by going slower in the previous round. You do manage to avoid keeping the total movement constant, but way you are getting the extra movement doesn't seem to match the feeling you're going for. Second, it is a confusing set of rules to read and probably a bit of a bear to track, round to round, since it sounds like it's an ongoing effect.

You clearly have given the consequences of the increased movement a lot of thought. And you tied the extra movement into the bull rush neatly. I voted for these at least a couple of times in spite of the confusion in the middle. But each time it came up I had to read through it a couple of times to understand how it would work at crunch time.

[Feros]

Fifth Page Critiques:

Coil of Ionic Inversion:

This is more science than fantasy in the theory behind this weapon augmentation device. I don’t mind such things at all and rather liked the concept, but the draining of energy and turning it into paralysation or cardiac arrest may have moved a bit too far from fantasy norms.

Cilice of Shared Suffering:

Reversing some damage back on an attacker is a decent effect, but a device used for self-punishment is a bit of a put off for me. I don’t like the idea in general and this failed to get my votes because of that. There are additional difficulties with this item, but I see you have already figured those out.

Skeleton Orb:

I could almost write a single paragraph for so many of these items I’m reviewing that would read exactly the same: Perfectly good item in and of itself, but not special enough of a concept to win. In this case, I would also add that it is awfully cheap for adding a command extra undead effect.

Mantle of Butterflies:

I liked this item, but sickened by butterflies? That really doesn’t make any sense. Perhaps just straight -2 penalty on all rolls would have hit the flavour better. Also, how does the wearer of the mantle see where he is going? Allowing it to move makes it a bit tricky.

Fierani Fletching Hoop:

A method of easily creating arrows in the wild and giving a bane ability on top of that. I liked this item and voted for it quite a bit, but it really doesn’t have anything spectacular going for it. It is just a good magic item.

Spellsnaring Canvas:

Another really useful and well-made item somewhat lacking in pizzazz. I actually liked the imagery of this piece of cloth with colors representing spell effects that had been snared. I think the color imagery was underutilized in the final item.

Gauntlet of Earth Shattering and Elevating:

One of my favorites and in my keep folder! :D
The only problems I see here are technical. The visuals are great, but there is no explanation as to why the terrain at the edges of the affected area are difficult terrain or why this dissipates.

Gloves of Mercurial Synthesis:

A really solid magic item for aiding those who use unarmed strikes. But this is really more of a game mechanic made into an item. There is nothing here that fires the imagination. It is just a tool to aid unarmed strikers in combat. A really cool effect or visual image is needed to pump this up.

Bauble of the Weeping Fey:

I found the contrasting glows of faerie fire very cool, but was a little disturbed by the creation of this item using a leprechaun eye. The appearance and construction of the item don’t seem to match the cool visual effect that the powers give.

Flawed Pictograms Eat Stuff Much:

While goblins are very disturbing in many ways, I doubt that hearing their recipes would have much more of an effect than nausea. That might have been a better side effect than a Wisdom penalty. The bard performance material sort of works on the confusion side anyway. As it is, it seems an odd collection of functions revolving around a simple theme.

Trickster’s Calling Card:

I like the story that seems to unfold naturally out of this item—steal an item, leave an illusory duplicate that turns into a mocking memento brashly naming the culprit. I think the problem here is that this can already be done with minor spells that don’t require any money spent. 500 gp a pop is a lot of money spent to show off.

[Thomas LeBlanc]

LoreKeeper wrote:

Bloodgorged Gloves

I am being picky and choosy this year, only posting on items I liked or abhorred.

I liked this item. Unfortunately, it prolly got dinged for the blood connotation. I liked the physical description, the abilities, and the formatting. I liked the ability to switch from the healing to the whip. But I am not sure bleed was needed as a requirement and maybe add the (evil) descriptor on the item.

[LoreKeeper]

@Thomas LeBlanc: Thank you :)

[Interesting Character]

I guess all-in-all, besides some formatting errors, I was seeing one thing, and not describing it well enough for others to see the same, and not considering how others might see it either.

I thank you for the critique, though I would like to know just how it comes near the don't do rule #17, as that one is baffling me. If you have the time anyway.

[Jr. Annalist]

First year. If only I'd looked on here just a little before making a submission. Then I would have found SKR's advice thread and avoided doing things that could be viewed as violating spell in a can (#1), effect that another item has (#6), it uses dice (#8), and being interpretable as a joke (#12).

Any other flaws that stopped it from getting past the cull? (A few questionable commas?) Anything positive at all?

Dice of Movement
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 8th
Slot -; Price 6,000 gp; Weight -.
Description
The dice in this pair are usually white with black dots numbering the sides from one to six. The first time the dice are rolled each day, the roller acts as if affected by a haste spell for a number of rounds equal to the total showing on the dice. If the numbers on the dice match, then the dice immediately roll again and the new numbers add to the previous total. If the dice match three times in a row, then no haste effect occurs. Instead, the rolling stops and the roller becomes subject to the effects of a hold person spell with duration in rounds equal to the dice total and no save allowed for the first three rounds.
Rolling the dice is a free action. Picking them up is a move action that provokes an attack of opportunity. Rolling a single die has no effect.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, haste; Cost 3,000 gp

[James Casey]

JollyRoger wrote:

---------------
COAT OF THE ETERNAL VAGABOND

DQ, I'm a big fan of you as a person so I'm going to try and explain why I didn't vote for your item. Remember though, at the end of the day, I'm just some bozo on the internet.

Every time I read your item description, I thought to myself "Man, this is going to make my job difficult." Once per day, my players can completely hop to a new, random location. (I see that you did make provisions to keep a small party together, so I appreciate that.) What is at this location? Are they outside of a village, in the middle of a haunted forrest, or on a white sandy beach? There may be GM's who have a world so fleshed-out that they wouldn't bat at eye at this, but I'm not one of them. I can see this item seriously testing my improv skills.

On the flip side, this item could be in the possession of a villain. He/she could use it to escape from the PCs to fight another day. I can only see using this once, though, which makes it somewhat of a plot device.

I hope this criticism is of some use to you. You clearly put a lot of thought into your item and I wish you the best of luck in next year's competition.

Alright, I want to help DQ out a little bit because I know this comment keeps coming around AND I really liked the Vagabond coat. The whole random effect is what is bothering people; however who says the effect has to be random to the GM? As long as the effect is random to the players that is all that matters. I think a prepared DM can deal with the "random" effect of this item. That being said, I would rather the description not give specifics for determining the randomness, let the GM do this so they have more control.

[Andrew Black]

Damien Mc Gurrell wrote:

The Wanted Nail

I saw this a few times during the voting and I probably voted for it a few times, but i will admit I tended to vote for other items over it.

To be honest I was turned off by the second sentence, for me command words and how to activate items should be left up to individual game masters. Some may not care and gloss over it for the action, other may want to dig deep into the role-play and make the command words fit their characters and/or game world.

I did like the instant knight in shinning armor vibe, especially tied to the horseshoe nail. I liked that you could take a band of adventures and suddenly have a mounted calvary, wizards and rouges alike.

However, I did not like the idea the this item could become a called mount for the Paladin or the Cavalier especial since it bypasses the required mourning and waiting periods. These are important parts of those character concepts and this becomes a fairly cheep way to skip that. A high level character could have several of these and then their mount suddenly becomes a "red shirt" cannon fodder which is not in the spirit of those two classes.

Thanks for sharing your Item with us, Damien. I hope this was helpful for you.

[Kaartus]

DawnforgedCast wrote:

Treads of Momentum

Aura moderate transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot feet; Price 5,000 gp; Weight 3 lbs.

Description:

The wearer of these dark brown leather boots never quite feels perfectly settled on the ground. Upon close inspection a faint change in color is apparent across the sole. Like the opalescence of a sea shell it shifts from pale blue at the top to murky grey at the bottom.

Any round in which a wearer of these boots does not use their full speed in a movement action they may add the difference to their move speed the next round. The wearer must move at least 10 feet for this effect to apply and the bonus speed lasts only for the next round.

If the wearer uses the Bull Rush Combat Maneuver they surge forward as a torrent of water. They may apply their accrued bonus movement to the additional distance they push their target back.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, expeditious retreat, hydraulic push; Cost 2,500 gp

I love the concept of these boots, but I couldn't in good conscience upvote them consistently because they were a little prone to abuse. The effect is simply too powerful - the Bull Rush combat maneuver has a for every 5 points you get to move the target back an additional 5 feet for a reason, which is to prevent potential insta kills in dramatic combat.

I had flashbacks to an adventure path game I ran recently on a dock where the barbarian bull rushed the full-plate wearing boss of the encounter into the bay killing him and depriving the party of his sweet loot. If I had to change your item I would suggest giving a +1 to bull rush maneuvers for every 5ft of stored movement. It would make it less powerful and not open to abuse.

[Kaartus]

Jürgen Hubert wrote:

After reading various comments on the forums, I was quickly realizing that this item probably wouldn't make it. Apart from its cost issues, it's simply not an adventuring item and it's rather hard to make it important to adventures as well. I think it absolutely does make sense that items like this exist in Pathfinder/D&D settings where you have multiple currencies which can be used interchangably for no apparent reason (and indeed, this is why I came up with the concept for my Urbis setting), but this item addresses a genre assumption instead of the needs of adventurers and adventures.

----------------------

Banker’s Monocle

Aura faint divination; CL 5
Slot eye; Price 20,000 gp; Weight -

This thick, gold-rimmed monocle is attached to the wearer’s pocket with a lengthy chain.

Whenever the user looks through this monocle, they are able to detect whether any coins they perceive adhere to the coin weight and purity standards for copper, silver, gold, and platinum coins of a long-ago empire. This does not assist in detecting hidden coins - instead, the user perceives the “rightness” of the coin like they would perceive its color.

After the empire which initially created these monocles vanished, its successor states nevertheless continued to use the monocles so that their own coinage would adhere to those same standards, and even today many nations continue to mint coins with the same weight and purity so that their currency would be regarded as trustworthy by others. This has allowed merchants to use currencies from many nations interchangeably without worrying about exchange rates. Today, these monocles serve as a badge of office for many bankers, and many who cannot afford the real thing will nevertheless wear an unenchanted monocle to keep up appearances.

Construction Requirements: Craft Wondrous Item, discern value; Cost 10,000 gp.

I loved this item but I think others were right. It's a 'slice of life' item - which is very cool in it's own way, but not something that most parties would buy.

Certainly i've run games with party members who would buy this item, but it's current cost is a bit steep (by at least 10k) and it should ideally give a little more bang for your buck. Perhaps appraise bonuses, or maybe a bonus to selling or trading goods?

[Andrew Black]

Balano wrote:

Jellyfish Belt – 196 Words

Jellyfish Belt

I saw this item several times in the voting process and it did earn my vote when it was up against less creative things, however I tended to like other items most of the time.

I liked the image and the use of the item in water, especially that you thought to make it keep you from sinking and providing a swim bonus. However the main power is just a spell in a can re-skinned to look like a jellyfish and it is centered on the user. As a player this turned me off since I have to stay 20 feet away from my allies, unlike the spell that I can target into a specific location to hinder my foes with out slowing down my companions.

Since it's a belt I am assuming that it has to be worn to function, but some of the text suggest that it could be taken off and then submerged in water while the user then goes off elsewhere. I am not sure that is a good design choice for a belt item.

Thanks for sharing your item with us Balano, Good luck in future years.

[Andrew Black]

gbonehead wrote:

Gloves of the Artful Gardener

Congrats on your Item making it into the Top 100. I saw it several times, and voted for it some of them. I thought it was very creative and a unique item but I think it needs an overhaul on the mechanics.

I like the DR to protect you from thorns, nettles, and such that can then apply to other piercing weapons like arrows and darts. I think that's a creative way to give a character a DR bonus.

I am not as fond of the permanently altering 20 cubic feet of vegetation and I think this is where the mechanics need some work. You say it can be used three times a day, but then mention charges are expended. This is different rules language and it confuses me. Can I recharge it and use it more times a day. Do the different effects require different use of charges? How does it charge up? I think you just mean to indicate that if the attempt to alter magical effects fails it still counts as one of the uses, but its unclear. Also how much time does it take to alter a 20 cubic feet of vegetation? Does a simple change take the same amount of time as a complex one? These are things I think you need to clarify to really make this Item solid. I do like that you considered and addressed how this item would work against magical effects.

I think this item does to much, and I like the idea of the third power better than the second. I think it would be cool to have the wearer of the gloves able to sculpt a sudden ally out of the surrounding vegetation. Again the mechanics are not clear here. I may be missing it but I searched Paizo's PRD site and couldn't find a living topiary. As a DM I am unsure what the base stats are for a living topiary to add a template to.

I hope this helps because I think it has a great concept. Thanks for sharing it with us gbonehead.

[Daethor]

Garrett Guillotte wrote:

Soulvine Seed – 296 Words

Totally inexperienced designer here, but here's my take on your item for what it's worth:

Alright, I really wanted to like this item. Psychic type stuff and plants can have a good mixture of flavor, but I can't really understand what you were going for with this.

Honest opinion: It looks like you were trying to be really original with this. And while you succeeded in creating something that was unique, I think you went a little too far. There's nothing to "grab onto" here for me. No connection to a real world phenomenon or fiction from what I can tell, so I found myself unable to answer an important question: what is the theme or goal the author is trying to address?

I'd really like to see a post with an explanation of your thought process with this item. I think that would go a long way in helping people provide even more useful feedback for you.

Keep designing though, because I've seen your other work and I've really liked it! And thanks for all your work (item lookouts, statistics, review tracking, etc.) in making RPG Superstar an awesome experience. It's much appreciated :)

[Andrew Black]

DawnforgedCast wrote:

Treads of Momentum

I saw this item several times in the voting and I up voted it because it is creative, but not all the time because I think it has some mechanical flaws.

I think what throws me off is the name which seems to be the opposite of what it does. The word "treads" makes me think of thick boots that dig in the earth, yet these boots are sea themed. The word "momentum" invokes a building up of speed, which fits with the Bull Rush power, but not the stored movement one.

I kind of like the stored movement, it fits with the sea theme...like the ebb and flow of the tide. (Maybe these should be called Tide Step boots.) I like the idea, but I am not sure the mechanics are clear to the reader.

I also like the Bull Rush surge, but I might be too powerful to allow that much movement to be added to the push. Maybe the boots should just provide a bonus to the maneuver, or give a free attempt at it under a specific condition.

Congrats on the Item making it into the Top 100, it is a cool concept and I hope this helps you for designing something to wow us next year. Thanks for sharing it with us here, DawnforgedCast.

[Scorba]

Feros wrote:

Fierani Fletching Hoop:

A method of easily creating arrows in the wild and giving a bane ability on top of that. I liked this item and voted for it quite a bit, but it really doesn’t have anything spectacular going for it. It is just a good magic item.

I like the fact that most of the people that critiqued my simple item liked it, though a bit mundane and simple. I even had a couple that wanted to add it to their home game ... that is high praise and an honor for me.

Next year I will bring something a bit more flashy. this item was a product of a low-power campaign that I have been running for the past couple years.

thanks for your comments

[Monica Marlowe]

Bryan Bloomer wrote:

Provocateur’s Pamphlet

Unlike so many others, I did not love this item, nor did I vote for it. It is psychic paper with an agenda. Often times we may joke while sitting at the table "I say the perfect thing" making a Wondrous Item that "says the perfect thing" is cheap and cheaty in my opinion.

You wrote it up nicely and I will give you kudos for that, but it's still just psychic paper.

[Andrew Black]

LoreKeeper wrote:

Bloodgorged Gloves

I saw this item many times during the vote. I only up voted it when it was next to something extremely flawed or not extremely creative. I am not opposed to gore or blood items when it makes sense, but in this item I felt it wasn't necessary.

I did like the first power and could get behind an item that let the user gain hp when creatures were bleeding out around them. However I felt the second power seemed way to much Japanese Anime. As a DM i don't feel it fits into my kind of role-playing campaign which I admit is more classic fantasy when I play Pathfinder. As a player I just don't want to use it, again the bloody maelstrom doesn't fit the kind of PC's I typically play. I suspect I am not the only one who feels this way so that is probably why it didn't fair better in the voting.

I think mechanically it is sound, but I think you could probably write it clearer. For instance in game terms we don't gain "life" we increase hit points. I also think your descriptive writing is nice, I can see these gloves in action and that is cool.

I hope this helps, I think you have some creative mojo. Thanks for sharing your item with us LoreKeeper.

[Mikko Kallio]

Acre wrote:

Literally, a spell in a can :)

Jar of Imprisoned Echoes
Aura faint necromancy and transmutation; CL 3rd
Slot none; Price 1,750 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This pale, weatherworn calcite jar is topped by the intricately carved visage of an unnaturally widemouthed, grinning badger. Subtle nuances chiseled into the wooden face hint of a malign, abyssal taint, reinforced by an almost imperceptible moan of tormented whispers escaping the beast’s unmoving, lifeless jaws.

As a full-round action, when the jar is held to the mouth of a helpless creature, an echo of their voice is painfully siphoned and imprisoned within the jar, inflicting upon the creature the caster croak spellblight. Once bound to the jar, the imprisoned voice seeps from the badger’s mouth over a period of 24 hours, manifesting as a murmur of incoherent, tortured whispers until the jar is empty. The possessor may imbibe the captive voice as a standard action, emptying the jar and gaining the ability to perfectly mimic its tone, regional accent, and manner of speaking for 1d4+1 minutes. When used as part of a disguise, the possessor receives a +10 bonus on the Disguise check when trying to fool a listener by impersonating the voice.

The possessor may increase the duration the voice can be mimicked to 1d6+1 days. However, increasing this duration requires the sacrificial destruction of the jar (hardness of 5 and 5 hit points) after imbibing the imprisoned voice.

The jar can be used on living creatures, which receive a DC 12 Will save to resist these effects, and creatures that have been dead for up to 1 hour. The jar does not grant the ability to speak additional languages after imbibing a voice.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, steal voice, vocal alteration; Cost 875 gp

I promised to review your item, so here goes!

What I liked: The name is superb! I also liked some bits of the flavor text very much. I noticed no mistakes in formatting, and the text was easy to read and understand.

What I think kept it from being Superstar: While the core idea (stealing someone's voice) is cool, the mechanics I think needed much more in the creativity department. A skill bonus is perfect for many CRB wondrous items, but not enough for RPGSS. I didn't check what the spellblight is or does, but reusing an effect as-is without adding a creative twist is not very compelling, unfortunately. Also, I didn't get the badger imagery... the qualities badgers are known for are probably tenacity and powerful bite, so the references made me think about something this item isn't.

Ideas for making it Superstar: Besides the usual/obvious RP benefits of being able to mimic someone's voice, I think it has great potential for mischief. An item that allows you to (de)activate someone else's command word items as though you were wearing them sounds like something I've never seen before. Or giving you control over any magical effects that normally allow the target to use his voice to control. E.g. commanding undead or summoned creatures as though they were yours would be kind of cool if not 100% new and innovative. Also, I think an item that actually lets you speak the target's languages would be interesting, especially if you don't gain the ability to understand them...

In short, go for effects that add something new that you cannot do with any other items, spells or abilities, at least not in the same way. If you use an existing effect, add a twist.

I hope this helps, and please ask if you want me to elaborate on any of my points above. :)

[Monica Marlowe]

Damien Mc Gurrell wrote:

The Wanted Nail

I saw this on several keep lists but I never saw it myself and I'm glad to have seen it now. While is it mostly a mount in a can or a mount and can for the rider in a can, it is one of the better written items I have seen. One read through and I felt like I had a strong grasp of the intention of the designer and the narrative of how one activates it is rather romantic, which I liked but might not be everyone's cup of tea.

I think you have the tools you need to give it a go again next year Damien, just reach a little further and stretch your design skills. Good luck!

[Nickolas Floyd]

dmfumbl wrote:

Icicle of the Frozen Waste

The name is ok, but not great. Names are hard though, and now that we have added "verbnoun" names to the lists of don'ts, it is getting even harder. Of course that is not an issue here, but the name is not very evocative and it makes me thing that "Frozen Waste" might be an actual place in the game world. Is it? I wouldn't know. I question the use of the word "icicle," because it conjures thoughts of childhood. Maybe come up with a another term for icicle. Ice shard or ice spike?

Slot should be "none," but this changes from time to time and you might not have known the currently desired mark/term for slotless items.

The description is very plain and doesn't make me think this thing looks cool. Maybe it is "jagged" and misty vapors sublime into the air around it. Something with a better visual than "its a plain old icicle." The line that reads "The item does not melt in above freezing climates," does imply that maybe it melts in freezing climates. Obviously this is counter intuitive, but it looks like a mistake. Instead you should have said something like "does not melt despite the climate" or "in any climate."

Placing it in boiling water is a difficult activation to say the least. You probably should have just said "touched by flame." Anytime there is boiling water, there is likely also flame that it could be up in anyway. You should also state what type of action it takes to put it in the flame. It should probably be a standard action despite the fact that it seems like a sizable amount of time to touch something to a torch. Maybe add a command word to to fix this discrepancy. Since you didn't mention the activation action, it defaults to a standard action anyway, but I feel it is always best to state it. I think this is the place you need to say that the mist does not grant concealment. It is a little bit weird that the effect is centered on the person who activated it, because the icicle disappears and it wasn't consumed or placed onto the user in some way. What if it was thrown into a fire from 15 feet away? Would it be centered on the person who threw it? As the item disappears and it doesn't seem to leave anything on or with the user, I think it should be a stationary effect in the place it was activated.

At first it looks like you are making the damage done in the area two types. It is not half acid and half cold, but both cold and acid. That is different than how most effects like this works, but the next sentence here seems to imply that it is split between the types. There are several existing effects that split damage types and you probably should have copied the wording of one of those. The line about resistances seems poorly worded. "How much damage is resisted" is not determined by the spell, but the amount of energy resistance the creature has. If you said "spells in the area deal half cold damage and half their regular damage type," the way they deal with resistances would be self-explanatory.

The secondary activation should just activate if but in water as the default state of water is not boiling and I see no reason to have two different activations for boiling and non-boiling water. Just "fire" and "water" should have been the activators. And you don't have to mention salt and fresh water, and just "water" covers both. This is a simple spell ability and should just mimic the freezing sphere spell when used on water. I don't see any reason to change it to a one minute duration when an 11th level freezing sphere lasts 66 seconds (11 rounds).

The last sentence is description and should really be incorporated into your first sentence.

Your spells in the crafting requirements should be in alphabetical order.

Lastly, this is a one time use, expendable item, and because of that I think it is way over priced. It is not even very powerful. The most expendable items in the core rulebook are 4,000gp or less. And I would price this one under 3,000. Anyway, I hope this helps and good luck to you next year.

[Monica Marlowe]

Amy Gillespie wrote:

Kana'ti Fetish

Hello Amy! While I know we didn't spend much time writing as we wanted to, I was in no way surprised when you posted that this was your item. I love the concept of the earthy connection between the person and the fetisn. The creative process of the fetish and it's unique user quality is also in keeping with the nomadic nature of the Shoanti.

While I like the back story information, I think you could have included it in a more dynamic manner which engaged the reader more. You have a gentle tone here, I think we may have talked about before, which is great for writing fiction, but this is RPGSS, you need to punch us in the face and make us pay attention to your item. Well, maybe not literally.

I'm not sure this was the strongest way to present your item and I'm not sure this was the strongest item you could have come up with. I still know next to nothing about game balancing so that falls to someone else to critique. I did vote for this a lot because it appealed to me in a quiet way that I enjoyed.

Same thing goes for you, you know where to find me if you want to bounce stuff off of someone else.

[Andrew Black]

Jr. Annalist wrote:

First year. If only I'd looked on here just a little before making a submission. Then I would have found SKR's advice thread and avoided doing things that could be viewed as violating spell in a can (#1), effect that another item has (#6), it uses dice (#8), and being interpretable as a joke (#12).

Any other flaws that stopped it from getting past the cull? (A few questionable commas?) Anything positive at all?

Dice of Movement

Welcome to the contest. Entering is the first hurdle and I am glad you went for it. I am also glad you found the SKR advice...they are great at helping you refine your design skills. Read them again and again. Also go back and read reviews by Clark Peterson and Neil Spicer...they have some amazing insight on how to develop for the game.

As for your Item this year I think your self evaluation is right on the money. I saw this many times and never voted for it. I didn't care for the roll dice in game to see how long haste lasts which just makes it a random duration spell in a can.

I do like that you considered the effects of rolling doubles and making it more powerful, and I liked the third strike and your out hold personeffect. It tells me that you were thinking about the concept of you design theme in a creative way. That is a positive, be sure to remember that....a lot of designers just throw powers and spells together to try and make something their character wants. You picked a theme and built an item around that. You can do that again, and with the benefit of the SKR advice threads avoid (#1) (#8).

Thanks for sharing your item Jr.Annalist, I hope you will enter again next year and really wow us!

[Andrew Black]

themantheycallcris wrote:

I had no idea how to really set the CL, and I changed the price like 3 or 4 times before submitting because I wasn't sure, but...

I'm ready (head turned away, squinting), hit me...

Marrow of borrowbone (ink set)
Aura strong conjuration and transmutation; CL 9th

I think I only saw this once or twice during the voting period. I will be honest, it never got my vote. The first reason, I can't find out what a Barrow beast is. It may be something real cool in your homebrew game but unless I can look it up on the PRD then I can't use it as a DM in my campaign world with out having to invent a new monster.

This is an ink set, however the ink isn't really what the item is. It's just the means to give two characters a permanent ability. So essentially you wrote a new ability not a Wondrous Magic Item.

I see that there is a lot of thought and consideration that has gone into the concept of the pact, and I respect that. There are a lot of role-play possibilities that could come out of two characters choosing to make the pact, hunting down Barrow Beast's to get the bones, selecting the tattoos and the like. I could see this in a Prestige Class write up possibly to for ever link to characters together, but not with this ability.

I am still not a fan of the item swaging. There is no limit to distance, so I could easily link to an NPC who stays home and then always wears my back up magic items so I can then swap out as needed...there is just to much potential for abuse in my opinion.

Thanks for sharing your item with us themantheycallcris, I hope next year you will use the creative mojo that invented borrow beast pacts to bring us a cool wondrous item.

[Andrew Black]

Roy Wagner wrote:

Looks like I got into the top 100 but didn't manage to impress the judges. However I welcome any and all feedback anyone wants to provide :)

Dwarven Songwood

Congrats on getting enough votes to make it into the Top 100. I saw this item many times and i liked it so it go my vote often, but not always.

While I liked the concept behind making the weapons "hardened" I am not certain what that means. Weapons are already made of hardened steel, and using that term to mean its enchanted to detect certain creatures is confusing. Another issue I have is the glowing blades is a bit to much like The Hobbit, and not very original.

Now I like the bardic performance effects the blades affected by the Songwood and think this is the creative crux of the item. However I think It would be cooler if the bardic performance and the weapons were better thematically tied to the bards ability. Weapons in the area of the performance force creatures hit to make an additional save vs the bards use of performance maybe.

I like the description of the relaxing hymn and the heal effect, but that alone is not a superstar item. It seems oddly paired with the make magical weapons power since they are not similar in theme. I think you could have dropped this power and the item would have been a lot better.

[Andrew Black]

Adam Szarkowski 391 wrote:

this was my first item submitted. i'd love some criticism/discussion. i saw that it made a personal list of top 32... thanks for that.

The Frosting Sheath

Welcome to the contest, entering is the first hurdle. There were a lot of frost based items this year and this one fits the theme well. I like the description that you use. I saw it several times when voting and you even got my vote some of the time.

I think the first power is the cool power in this item. I like the idea of a cold snap reducing the movement of my foes. I am not a fan of the drawbacks to use an item, sometimes they fit the theme of an item...usually evil items...and I don't see the need to have on here. If you had stopped here I would have like this a whole lot more.

Adding the extra Icy Burst and Frost powers over did this item for me. I am not a fan of sheath's giving powers to the blades. Adding these to the item only makes it a Swiss Army Knife, but at least you kept that to the Frost theme so props for that. I get that it needed something more since the first power alone doesn't have the pizzaz a superstar item needs, but just applying weapon abilities didn't do it for me.

If you haven't gone back to the past years and checked out SKR's auto reject advice i recommend it. He gives some great tips on how to avoid making SAK's and the like.

Thanks for sharing your item with us Adam, I hope this helps you and I hope you will enter again next year because i like the mojo of your item.

[mad_mac_hl]

Stone of Elemental Blood
Aura faint divination & transmutation [evil]; CL 5th
Slot -; Price 6,500 gp; Weight 1 lbs.

Description
The stone is a perfectly shaped green and red bloodstone sphere approximately 3 inches wide. Its origins are unknown but it is long believed to have involved both alchemical and necromantic expertise. The stone is intended to harvest the innate elemental energies that are a part of certain creatures, for example fire from a red dragon.

Fresh blood (less than 24 hours old) must first be extracted from a suitable creature and placed within a suitable vessel. The stone is then added to the blood and the liquid begins to heat and bubble violently. The reaction takes 1 hour for each pint of blood used and once complete, the stone can be retrieved. The liquid that remains corresponds to the elemental power of the original creature and is equivalent to one of the following special substances: Acid, Alchemist's Fire, Bottled Lightning or Liquid Ice. For example, red dragon blood will result in Alchemist's Fire. A single use of a special substance is produced for each pint of blood used. In the hands of a skilled alchemist, minimum 5 ranks in Knowledge (alchemy), the stone will create one additional use of the special substance per day. The stone may be used once per day.

Blood can be practically extracted from any creature of small size or larger in the following pint volumes: 1d4 (small), 2d4 (medium), 2d6 (large), 4d6 (huge). Creatures of gargantuan or colossal size are assumed to provide enough blood for a full days use of the stone.

Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Alchemical Allocation, Blood Transcription, creator must have 5 ranks in Craft (alchemy); Cost 3,250 gp

[Feros]

Sixth Page Critiques:

Ever Beating Heart:

Strong visual with an interesting combination of positive and negative effects. That said it is a very odd item and definitely in the weird category. Some people may have been put off by the ick factor of squeezing a heart.

Shadowmancer’s Heart:

The image of slowly exhaling on this item to bring a monster to life is very cool! Great imagination and design there. I think the problem with this item was that instead of building it entirely around that great visual, it does so many other things that aren’t very evocative, like the haunting mists. The price seems a little high for something that has save DCs in the low to mid teens.

Teapot of Potion Mixture:

Allowing someone to benefit from three enhanced potions from one drink is a little too much. It essentially allows the casting of three enhanced spells in one action. That would still be acceptable if it was tied to a strong visual, but the imagery is just OK here. Nothing that draws us in and makes us go wow!

Plague Cake:

Unfortunately this is essentially a rather unpleasant spell in a can (summon swarm). For SIACs you need strong imagery and concepts to overcome the simplicity of the mechanic; you have those but they are slightly disgusting. BTW: What's disgusting here is not the rats, but the rotted food item that is the basis of the magic item itself. Why would anyone carry around something that looked and smelled like that?

Shadow Archer’s Gage:

One of the better entries overall. I liked the shadow imagery and the rather cool concept. But all it does is give the wearer a chance to surprise an opponent with a single arrow attack because she has no bow and shadow ammunition when you run out of arrows. Great visual, cool concept, just lacking in a cool mechanical effect to back it up.

Akene Amulet:

Neat idea, interesting visual image, but all it does is send out a false trail while covering one’s own tracks. This is more of a plot device, as most PCs will not be the hunted; they are almost always the hunters. Great for frustrating the party, but not something they would probably use themselves.

Lens of Forceful Concordance:

The visual image here is quite striking and very unique. My problem with this item is why would anyone want to do this? Fitting a large number of people into one square doesn’t seem to have many uses. It’s not a combat effect, and I can’t think of what use it would be outside of combat either. This item needed a better explanation so we could see what it was actually intended for.

Gloves of Suspended Arcana:

A simple magic item that allows you to move around the held spell charge rule for casters. Very good, nice design. I liked it very much. This is one of those items that makes for a great magic items book, but would not really stand out in that volume. It needs something really intriguing, and this sadly lacks that.

Torc of Terran Transformation:

This is very close to being a spell in a torc (elemental body III). Really there is nothing here that cannot be achieved with spell use. Ultimately that is the problem with SIACs: they are fine magic items, but they don’t add anything new to the game.

Green Thumb:

Not a bad concept, although the green thumb image isn’t very appealing. What happens after the 10th use? Does it disintegrate? Can it be recharged? It aids in climbing out of combat and targeted entangle within combat. For 1,500 gp, you would want more than 10 very limited uses of entangle and/or spider climb.

Bucket Hat:

A very specialized item that would work very well against a small set of effects in the game. That all works fine and there is a cornel of a good idea in there, but the visual is just a touch silly. This would look good on a bunch of incompetent and ridiculous looking witch hunters as background color, but not something that many PCs would use their head slot for.

Somen Mask of Shinjitsu:

Yet another solid, useful magic item with a good theme that doesn’t inspire me or wake my imagination. Ultimately these sort of items are safe because of the simplicity. The mask is just a mask; the visual image and concept sort of start and end there. We need something that really draws the reader’s attention.

Fleshless Shroud:

An X-ray cloak that allows you to pass yourself off as a skeleton and helps with healing diagnostics. Not bad, but not all that useful in more than a few situations. As I look through the items, I’m beginning to realize that the more an item can be used in general, the better it appears overall.

Bone Snatcher Bracelet:

I liked this item a bit, but undead grenades is what it boiled down to for me in the end. Further, you had to encounter undead and capture them with the device in order for it to be of use. Why just undead? I could see this being a very useful little item if the scope was widened a bit to other monster types.

Crown of the Murder King:

The visual is striking and unique. I found myself voting for this item more times than not. Most characters wouldn’t be interested in having crows on them all the time, so I’m not sure how popular this would have been. The limit of shiny item retrieval makes the non swarm uses rather dull.