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When Irnk and BBT talk to each other I just picture two Paizo goblins wearing smoking jackets sitting in highbacked leather chairs in front of a warm hearth in a room that smells of rich mahogany and old books
they may steeple their little goblin fingers from time to time in thought and/or also puff on pipes in a thoughtful manner
This guy is in a power struggle with you. There is a payoff of some kine for him and as long as he gets it he will continue to play mind games with you. The problem with mind games is that nobody (and I do mean nobody) can win. The best result is a payoff that meets some sort of psychological need. The best way to "win" is not play at all.
When you answer and he says 'whatever' he is dismissing you. Saying that your opinion and knowledge don't count. Dismiss him back.
Do not anwer his questions. When he makes a comment or question reply
"whatever"
"so?"
"how about that"
"indeed, it has come to this"
Odds are this wont work. Especially when you first try it.
Point out the behavior to others when it occures. If they are there when it happens they will start to see for themselves.
You could take a "vacation" for a week or two and see how both he and the group reacts when you come back.
You will miss the gaming. You won't miss the abuse.
@Lamontius: ok, I didn't snorfl coffee, but my eyes are tearing up now I was laughing so hard.
Actually, I figure it is somebody else's library/study & the fire is from a part of the building burning merrily away as we go 'oooh, ahhh' and wait for it to get close enough we should consider leaving before being caught in the conflagration.
But otherwise, spot on.
Although, like BBT mentioned, mustn't forget the taxidermied dog & horse heads.
I have hard time seeing it as "I am always right, and he is just jealous", for that seems conceited, which is a behavior I avidly avoid.
You should try it some time, it's a quite pleasant emotion.
When you're feeling blue you can always think to yourself how much better you are than everyone around you.
Which issue are referring to?
Also, he is working on an Actor's budget, so I doubt he would bet me anything.
I assume by "Actor's budget" you mean "Whatever he makes in tips at the local Applebees"?
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(This suggestion has basically already been given, but I want to note my support for it by stating it in my own way.)
The 'generic' case between you two seems to be:
He asks a question.
You answer.
He disrespects you and your answer (regardless of whether you are right or wrong).
Since this annoys you, try to avoid this scenario. Since you don't want to leave the group (fair enough), practically you only have control over your answer, so simply don't answer the way you normally do.
Deflect the question to someone else or the book, perhaps, or work out some other way to respond (or not respond).
I'm no more qualified than anyone else on this matter. I'm giving this advice based on some youtube videos I saw.
The situation resembles a "game" from "transactional analysis".
He comes to you looking for help, but then switches to criticism when you supply that help. This switch is the game, where he seems to seize your authority (despite affirming it by asking you in the first place).
Check out this video, if you like. It will help explain my motivation for the advice I'm giving and why I believe it could help.
Transactional Analysis
(This is actually part 2, but it seems to be the most relevant part. If the idea interests you then I suggest watching the other parts as well.
If you are not the GM: Simply tell him that "Please do not ask me about rules. Feel free to use the books we have to look through them instead." Simple as that. You may have to say this a few times, but it will sink in and he will stop because it's no fun. He will try to switch victims, talk to the new guy if they seem bothered, ask them to do the same. Some people have a hard time dealing with limits, and need them enforced from EVERYONE. If this is not done, his behaviour will continue. However, if it's not just you getting hit by it, the others can't ignore it anymore and it's more likely he will be the one quitting.
If you are the GM: Tell him, flat out, that there is too much of this. Since this is not hitting game time but breaks and such, tell him to take it all via skype or SMS or the like. Voila, instant evidence he can't deny. Once you have ten instances or so, you have a pattern. Point to the fact that he ignores your answers and refuse to answer any more until he has understood that if he asks, he needs to accept your answer.
Also, he is working on an Actor's budget, so I doubt he would bet me anything.
So this is perfect, since you don't actually like to bet. He won't take you up on it, which immediately discredits him, because if he was certain he was right, he wouldn't be afraid to bet.
And, worst case, you make $5 once and he cops out next time.
(Don't win the bet and then tell him to keep his money, though. That will just make him like you even less, I daresay.)
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Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, he did not show this session.
I will have confront him next session, on the 20th.
I did mention, to each DM, of each game I am in with the individual, that I will likely be confronting him on the issue.
Both responded with, more or less, this to say: "Huh, I did not notice that. Okay, just be cool about it."
I will immediately update post the results, as they come to be.
Wish me luck.
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Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at it, he did not show this session.
I will have confront him next session, on the 20th.
I did mention, to each DM, of each game I am in with the individual, that I will likely be confronting him on the issue.
Both responded with, more or less, this to say: "Huh, I did not notice that. Okay, just be cool about it."
I will immediately update post the results, as they come to be.
Wish me luck.
Good luck, BBT!
I hope it all works out well.
But if it doesn't, we still want all the juicy details. : )
Jeez, get better man!
Jesus, it's like all the people I like on this forum are getting hurt.
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Okay.
Confronted him last night.
He asked the same thing, as usual, whole group around.
I told him "I don't want answer, because you are just going to disagree, look it up anyway, find out I'm right, then dismiss me, again. I don't know why you do it, and I don't care. If you don't want my answer, then don't ask."
This got some raised eyebrows, and a few smirks from those, around.
He responded, with a "well, geez, sorry man..." and before he could say more, I said "great, glad to get that out of the way, who wants some beer and cinnamon rolls?"
Now, he got some looks, and snickers, from others.
Come to light, others in the group were a little more aware of his actions, then they let on.
Well done!
Or go RAGELANCEPOUNCE on him. The classics are classics for a reason, just sayin'.
Okay.
Confronted him last night.
He asked the same thing, as usual, whole group around.
I told him "I don't want answer, because you are just going to disagree, look it up anyway, find out I'm right, then dismiss me, again. I don't know why you do it, and I don't care. If you don't want my answer, then don't ask."
This got some raised eyebrows, and a few smirks from those, around.
He responded, with a "well, geez, sorry man..." and before he could say more, I said "great, glad to get that out of the way, who wants some beer and cinnamon rolls?"
Now, he got some looks, and snickers, from others.
Come to light, others in the group were a little more aware of his actions, then they let on.
It seems to me....and I hope I am wrong....that this is just some inside joke with the group at you expense. Did anyone support you after this confrontation? Reading this thread I got a sinking feeling of you being used...you have said you provide alot things to this group. Sure I am jaded as all hell when it comes to people in general and have been in very similair experience where I discovered it is all just a big joke to them. Anyway I hope this is not the case.
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It seems to me....and I hope I am wrong....that this is just some inside joke with the group at you expense. Did anyone support you after this confrontation? Reading this thread I got a sinking feeling of you being used...you have said you provide alot things to this group. Sure I am jaded as all hell when it comes to people in general and have been in very similair experience where I discovered it is all just a big joke to them. Anyway I hope this is not the case.
Well, it seemed that some of the more shy players were willfully ignorant of some of his behavior.
Sort of a "I see nothing" response. I am not upset. Some people are just not that good at confrontation.
The important thing, is that the behavior has been called out, and no one can deny it.
This should quell future bad behavior.
RPG Superstar Season 9 Top 16, RPG Superstar 2015 Top 32
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Okay.
Confronted him last night.
He asked the same thing, as usual, whole group around.
I told him "I don't want answer, because you are just going to disagree, look it up anyway, find out I'm right, then dismiss me, again. I don't know why you do it, and I don't care. If you don't want my answer, then don't ask."
This got some raised eyebrows, and a few smirks from those, around.
He responded, with a "well, geez, sorry man..." and before he could say more, I said "great, glad to get that out of the way, who wants some beer and cinnamon rolls?"
Now, he got some looks, and snickers, from others.
Come to light, others in the group were a little more aware of his actions, then they let on.
Great job. I like how you moved on quickly so that the issue couldn't be dragged out, but brought it up in a way that everyone is aware of it and it can be easily addressed later.
The important thing, is that the behavior has been called out, and no one can deny it.This should quell future bad behavior.
Please keep us abreast of the situation from here on out. I think you've accounted well for yourself, but am curious if one confrontation will settle the situation.
Don't be afraid to call on the PMBHS - the Paizo MessageBoard Hit Squad.
I hope it's all okay now, BBT.
You seem to have had more than your fair share of dicks.
EDIT: I just re-read what I wrote. I could have chosen my words more carefully. : )
I'm glad you caught that before some unscrupulous person's mind went straight to the gutter and ran with it.
Not that it would be me, of course. Never me.
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Yes. Much to my enjoyment, we have a new player, who has no problem calling out our little troublemakers bullcrap. Military man.
Also, he is quite versed with the rules, so I have another ally in helping those less versed with the rules.
That is awesome. I think that thanks to you and this newcomer your group is on the good way to recovery :-)