Thank you very much for your feedback! Hopefully I'm improving from the last couple years.
Lastwall Guardian's Scabbard
Aura faint transmutation; CL 5th
Slot belt; Price 3000gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This lacquered wood scabbard is embossed with the seal of the Watcher-Lord. It fits any bladed slashing weapon.
While worn, the duration of all temporary magic enhancements on a weapon sheathed in the scabbard are preserved, remaining at the duration they had when the weapon was sheathed until it is drawn once more.
When a weapon is sheathed in the Scabbard for 10 minutes its hit points and condition are fully restored.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Extend Spell, make whole; Cost 1500gp
Thanks for taking the extra time to help us all improve.
Linnorm Raiding Drum
Aura moderate transmutation;; CL 11th
Slot none; Price 22,000 gp; Weight 20 lb.
Description
The well-polished sides of this large wooden drum are covered in elaborate base-relief depicting Ulfen warriors raiding a coastal town. The tightly laced skin of a Linnorm is stretched across its top. Highly prized by Ulfen longship captains, this magical drum can speed travel by sea and land. If the crew of a rowed watercraft can hear the drum being played, the watercraft’s standard distance traveled in a day is doubled. The watercraft must be rowed to benefit from this effect. In addition, the drum includes two large braided handles to allow it to be carried on the back of a single medium sized creature, so as to be played by another. This allows a group that is traveling, while listening to the deep booms of the drum, to make a forced march without needing Constitution checks or suffering nonlethal damage from doing so.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Mass Bear's Endurance, Tireless Pursuit; Cost 11,000 gp
Hi,
thsi year I hadn't as much time to prepare for this contest as I would have liked to have, so a quick idea and writeup had to suffice. Here's what I was able to come up with on short notice :
Mask of the Iron Facade
Aura faint enchantment; CL 3rd
Slot Head; Price 2,500 gp; Weight 3 lbs.
Description
This plain iron mask covers the whole face of its wearer, modeled to only show a vague, stoic expression to the world.
It always feels chilly to the touch and gleams as if slightly oiled.
When worn, the mask grants its wearer a +4 resistance bonus on saving throws against spells and effects with the emotion descriptor and the DC to use the sense motive skill to get a hunch about the wearer is increased by 5.
However all morale bonuses are halved for the wearer as long as he wears the mask of the iron facade.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, calm emotions; Cost 1,250 gp
Eeep, go to bed, wake up and whoosh 205 posts behind :(
Ah well, here's my effort.
As said elsewhere, no idea where I goofed this time, I was working on execution and tightness this year and was aiming for simplist elegance.
Think I may have stifled the excessive mojo way too much.
(296 words - needed to describe all the actions - yeah this was a tight squeeze).
Proliferating Pocket Purse
Aura moderate conjuration; CL 9th
Slot -; Price 3,000 gp; Weight 5 lbs.
Description
A six inches square purse made of girallon fur.
The starting pocket is always open. Unlike other containers, the contents never spill when the purse is inverted.
The first and all other pockets provide access to individual pockets of nondimensional space, each sufficient to hold small desirables to a total weight of 5 pounds or 1 cubic foot in space.
If you rotate the purse one quarter turn, the current pocket seals and a new pocket opens.
You can rotate left or right one quarter turn up to three times in each direction for a total of 7 pockets.
Changing rotation direction will pass through prior pockets until you pass the first pocket to the other side's pocket set.
With the purse at the first pocket position, flipping left or right by holding one of the top corners and flipping the purse to the reverse side provides another six pockets that can be rotated to.
Finally, if the first pocket is kept empty, you can reach into the pocket to turn the purse inside out, revealing a new first pocket providing an additional thirteen pocket set.
When stowing away, the purse resets itself to the original starting pocket after 10 minutes. Patting the purse side 3 times provides an immediate orientation reset.
The purse always weighs five pounds regardless of contents.
Living creatures placed in a pocket will die after 2 minutes due to suffocation.
Damage to the pocket or placement of the pocket into other nondimensional spaces result in the same effects as for a bag of holding.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, secret chest, pelt of an adult girallon (Pathfinder Bestiary 1, pg 154); Cost 1,500 gp
Be really brutal everyone - this year my confidence has taken such a knock that I really cant see if I have improved or not, so I need lots n lots of where I went wrong.
Well, I think you missed the real problem, though it is astute of you to note the save issue.
The real problem is that your Superstar entry was basically a hairball. That's just not superstar....
Got it, I will definitely be crossing "hairball" off the submission list. Are there any other items I should avoid that would strike you gentlemen as not up to superstar caliber? I'm thinking you guys might not be impressed with an outhouse even if said outhouse took you on ‘Bill & Ted’ like awesome adventures. *scratches ‘Outhouse of the 9 Hells’ off list in advance*
In all seriousness, thank you so much for the extra information and the time you took to give it. I feel much better after getting your detailed/encouraging review. I will definitely take it, learn from it, and submit again next year.
Thank you very much for your feedback! Hopefully I'm improving from the last couple years.
Lastwall Guardian's Scabbard
Not a judge, but I suspect they're getting some sleep so here's my 2p: underpriced and overpowered. Consider the 3rd level spell keen edge, which has a duration of 50 minutes when it first becomes available at level 5. If the average combat lasts only a minute or less, and you engage in 5 or fewer combats per day, this scabbard will maintain that spell for an effective duration of ten days, more likely for much longer. But even worse, lets look at what this item means at high level. A 12th caster could cast greater magic weapon on a sword, giving it 12 hours of +3 bonus... which could last for years due to this scabbard before needing to be cast again.
Far too powerful of an effect for far too little price.
Map of tracking
Aura: Major conjunction/divination: CL: 10th
Price: 50.000 gp
A 1 ½ feet long map roll made of the finest leather. All over the case are imprints of adventures journeys, some of them well know other never told.
The Cap is decorated with a compass rose which always points north.
This map case is very helpful for the travelling adventurer. The case constantly draws a map of the surrounding area (10 mile radius) of the character as long as he is under open sky. This drawing doesn’t include interior of houses, structures or caves. As soon as the player entered a house, cave etc. and is no longer under open sky, the case map constantly draws a map from the players point of view.
The character can withdraw any already drawn map from the case. If the map left the hand of the case holder, it vanished after one hour and return to the case.
One time per week the character can teleport himself and up to six other persons to a place on any map which are drawn by the case. All who should be teleported have to touch the map.
Additional the case can be used as a containment of up to 40 scrolls (spells, maps, etc.), the scroll the player wanted is always at the top.
This item was a gift from the god of travels to a well-known adventurer, who have explored the unknown regions and lead many groups thru dangerous areas. Rumours told that at it’s creation the god of trickery, sneaked into the chamber and imbue his own piece of magic to the case. Sometimes it can happen that the player get a map of a unknown region or, in worsted case, the teleport bring them there.
Construction: Craft Wondrous Item, teleport, commune with nature, know direction Cost: 25.000 gp
Comments & Critics are welcome :)
P.S.: unfortunatly I dont have a copy of the original entry anymore (modified phrasing to get to the 300 word count).
Halfling, sorry but we didn't feel this one.
I was a bit harsh (slightly edited to protect the guilty):
"I already didnt like the vest of seven small bags of holding, which is really all this is, and then the author goes and does the immovable rod thing. Does any other wondrous item (or magic item of any kind for that matter) actually require another magic item as a construction requirement? Uh, no, not like that. That alone is reason to reject it and that is what I am doing. You rules types can tear this up with your rules-fu."
The rule-fu typed did weigh in, and (in addition to my concerns) they found some spell check issues ("afterword") and also some formatting issues with what was italicized and not, and what was capitalized or not. Plus, nearly all items of this type have secret chest in their requirements and you did not, which was considered an oversight. But my reason alone would likely have been enough to get you rejected even if all these things had been done correctly.
I have a hunch...you tell me if I am right. This felt like a first draft to me. Did you really spend as much time on it as you wanted to? I think a couple editorial passes would have helped. Plus the core idea with the immovable rods needed reconsideration.
Hope that helps! Thanks for posting and come back strong next year!!!
Thanks for taking the time to respond, Clark and Neil. This wasn't exactly a first draft, Clark. But you're right, I did submit way too soon and I would have been a whole heck of a lot better off if I'd read last year's critique thread BEFORE submitting this year's item. Aw well... Anyway, I learned a lot.
A couple of thoughts...
--Although the bag of holding uses secret chest as a prerequisite, the portable hole goes with plane shift. I'm not really clear how the judges would decide which is the more appropriate template.
--My misuse of "afterword" is indefensible. But since "afterword" is actually a word, spell check didn't catch it. I am aware that the wrong word is worse than a misspelled word, though, so maybe I'd best say no more about it.
Thanks again, guys--this kind of feedback really means a lot.
Marathon Voter Season 6
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It was hard for me because there were two that I loved but in the end I submitted this one rather than the "clever, exploring new design space one". Zigged when I should have zagged maybe? Anyway, any thoughts are welcome on the below.
Best Regards
Herremann the Wise
Whispering Earring of a Thousand Screams
Aura moderate abjuration and evocation; CL 10th
Slot headband; Price 39,600 gp; Weight —
Description
Beneath this earring hangs a macabre brass medallion meticulously forged into the rounded head of a resentful demon. Left unactivated, this fetish infrequently whispers Abyssal platitudes, aphorisms and other inappropriate guidance to its wearer. The wearer can activate the earring using three different commands.
Commanding, “demon be silent” viciously laces the demonic mouth shut, silencing the earring and preventing further activation for 24 hours.
Whispering, “demon be vigilant” stretches the demonic ears and absurdly bulges the demonic eyes incandescently alert. For the next combat encounter the earring painfully alerts the wearer, ensuring awareness during a surprise round and granting a +3 bonus to initiative. This effect lasts for 10 hours, until the earring alerts the wearer, or until the earring receives another command.
Shouting, “demon be heard” completely unfetters the demonic mouth, releasing a magic-stripping cacophony of tortured screams for 5 rounds or until commanded silent. This acts initially and at the start of each of the wearer’s turns as both a break enchantment spell targeting the wearer, and a sound burst spell centered upon the earring (Fort DC 13 partial). Additionally, once during this entire cacophony the wearer may channel the earring’s demonic rage, purpling the wearer’s face as he or she unleashes a torrent of a thousand screams. This is a standard action and acts as a shout spell (Fort DC 16 partial or Reflex DC 16 negates (object)) except that any creature failing its fortitude save is also knocked prone.
The earring remains stubbornly inert until worn for 48 hours; henceforth the wearer may activate each command once per day.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, alarm, break enchantment, shout, sound burst; Cost 19,800 gp
Dob't believe this was my finasl version but that computer crashed so here's my item. Show me how it got demolished please.
Bellows of Higher Burning
Aura faint evocation; CL 5th
Slot —; Price 11,500 gp; Weight 8 lbs.
Description
Treasured by master smith for their fire enhancing properties, this accordion-like object comes adorned with an hourglass carved into its wooden plate. When blown onto a non-magical fire, as a move action, it causes the flames to intensify greatly. The light from the fire doubles in range, as does the duration in which it burns.
Although amazing, the bellows true calling is to spell casters. Any caster who wields and pumps the bellows while casting a spell with fire descriptor sees the spell pour forth from the bellows' tip and treats the spell as though affected by the Empower Spell feat. However, all the spells casted in this way are at their normal level, not at two levels higher (as with the regular metamagic feat).
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Empower Spell, continual flame; Cost 5,750 gp
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Marathon Voter Season 6
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Eeep, go to bed, wake up and whoosh 205 posts behind :(
Ah well, here's my effort.
As said elsewhere, no idea where I goofed this time, I was working on execution and tightness this year and was aiming for simplist elegance.
Think I may have stifled the excessive mojo way too much.
(296 words - needed to describe all the actions - yeah this was a tight squeeze).
I know what you mean regarding missing that initial rush of submissions on this thread. Unfortunately, things after the second page can kind of get lost. As I've followed your comments over the past bit, I thought I'd chip in with some commentary (direct I hope rather than brutal).
The first few lines are really stilted with not enough flow. You used "you", rather than "the holder", "the wearer" or something similar (although I think when you have an object like this, it does make this particular aspect of wondrous item description somewhat awkward).
The whole pocket rotation thing while interesting to me (I am a mathematician), is seven sorts of confusion for the casual gamer (and perhaps even the non-casual gamer).
In the end, this item holds things. Regardless of how interestingly it does that, that is all it does. Is that Superstar? I'm guessing the judges thought not and perhaps fairly so.
I hate to say it but I think you were in a similar boat to me. You became so absorbed by your item that you over-focused on the good things and completely overlooked the poor ones. In your case, I think you needed something with more mojo and zip. I think maybe start collecting ideas and focus on the ones that encapsulate that real "superstar" element. Chin up, congratulations on submitting your item and better luck next year. I've enjoyed your comments. :)
Best Regards
Herremann the Wise
Yeah, I know, the first draft had like 1,024 pockets through lots of flipping at corners, middles, vertically and horizontally but the word count she say no.
I then reduced it in scope which brought the pocket count down to be lower than similar storage items, so I think I started to get the tightness.
It also had some anti thievery which eventually boiled down to keeping the 1st pocket empty - which thief in their right mind steals an empty purse thought I - which then lead to the turn it inside out flash of inspiration which made my storage comparable favourably with similar items.
Weird how things seem so cool sometimes and become yet another "what was i thinking?" in the cold light of day.
Eeep, go to bed, wake up and whoosh 205 posts behind :(
Well, I ain't a judge, but I'm happy to spend a few minutes with your handy-dandy creation. :)
Macro Comments
OK, this is in the "extra-dimensional storage item" category. That's already a choice I find questionable, since the classic, well-established items already handle this area very well. So if you want to take a crack at this, you've got to bring some new interesting element that'll set it apart from what we've already got.
Most of your "extra element" is the division into lots of little pouches, with a lengthy navigation requirement between them. I don't see how that's a positive contribution - it seems to simply be a vastly less-convenient version of a bag of holding or a handy haversack. Note how the bulk of your description is devoted to detailing the many steps necessary to navigate the purse's pouches. Is that meant to be interesting or exciting? Wouldn't it be simpler to write something on the lines of: ? Because, really, that's the core of your item - and I don't think you really intend for the item, in play, to require players to explain that they invert the purse, fold the corner to the right, and than quarter-rotate it twice. No, they'll just assume they can get back at whatever they put in, and all this detail will go to waste.
Furthermore, compare this item to the handy haversack, which is 1K gp cheaper. The haversack weighs the same, holds a total of 100 pounds (to your max of 5*25=125), can hold items sized up to 8 cubic feet (to your 1), and your desired object is always on the top - whereas with the proliferating pocket purse you've got all those pouches to navigate through, up to the point where I have no idea how long it's supposed to take me to extract something from this maze of a pouch. Under those conditions, I can't see anybody ever preferring this over the haversack.
The visual you're aiming for with this concept is a cute one - it's like an iPhone version of extradimension storage (). That's fun. But (a) that's nothing more than a flavored variant of an existing item, which is a very tough sell as Superstar, and (b) your focus was way off-kilter, zooming in on the precise movements necessary to access each pouch, instead of giving off a more general vibe of somebody handily rifling through two dozen extradimensional pockets to whip out precisely what he needed.
- - Some people don't like alliteration in item names. (I do like it, and this name in general, but alliteration has been called out before, and I'm willing to bet this set you off on the wrong foot with a judge or two.)
- -- This is not a complete sentence. It makes sense in context, but item descriptions traditionally and typically use something more like Look at other entries and at the PRD for plenty of examples.
- - what starting pocket? At the moment, we don't know anything about the item, including what it's "starting pocket" is.
- - This makes no sense. What will they do, then? Just hang there in the air? Or do you mean when the purse is turned upside down (rather than inside out)? The "unlike other containers" is entirely unnecessary - we know what regular purses do.
- - Construction requirements are of the caster; you don't list material components there, as they're assumed to be subsumed into the crafting cost. Also, don't reference the Bestiary by page; if anything, a link to the PRD is enough.
- I'm skipping over the pocket navigation paragraphs. In general, they're clear enough if you want to sit down and make sense of them. But they're not immediately clear (I don't get a good idea of how to use the item just by skimming; I certainly don't remember all the details after a single read), and they're not interesting or flavorful. A couple of lines and my eyes start to glaze over.
Sorry for the negative feedback... but I hope it helps :) My expertise here is nil; my advice is only any good if you find yourself in agreement with some of its points. Lots of luck to you next year, and we'll enjoy the sidelines together this time around :)
Amulet Of Mighty Spells
Aura faint transmutation; CL 12th
Slot Neck; Price 3,000 gp (1 use per day), 7,000 gp (2 uses per day), 15,000gp (3 uses per day), 30,000gp (4 uses per day), 60,000 gp (5 uses per day); Weight -
Description
A boon to spellcasters of any sort, this simple platinum amulet can be found adorned with anywhere between one and five orange gemstones; each gemstone represents one use of the item per day. As a standard action a caster may activate this amulet and spend as many or as few uses per day as they like, to a limit of the amulets maximum, in order to grant herself an enhancement bonus to her caster level equal to the number of uses per day expended. This enhancement applies to the entire process of casting the spell, including overcoming spell resistance, or other caster level checks involved with the spell in question. This bonus lasts until the caster casts a spell or until twenty minutes have elapsed, whichever comes first.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, creator's caster level must be at least three times the amulet's number of uses a day; Cost 1,500 gp (1 use per day) 3,500 gp (2 uses per day), 7,500 gp (3 uses per day), 15,000 gp (4 uses per day), 30,000 gp (5 uses per day)
I had originally created this item because there are only two items in the game that play with caster level, orange ioun stones and the bead of karma. both of which in my experience are things that all casters invest in after a certain point. Looking back there are a few weird provisions in the item in order to attempt to prevent oversight shenanigans; for example that twenty minute time frame on casting a spell was there so casters could boost there CL for spells like permanency but not wait for an off day from adventuring, use all of the items uses and then on the next day basically squeeze another use out of the item.
Also, using uses per day instead of charges, which would have been a bit simpler is actually due to an incredibly specific thing I was trying to avoid with the arcane sorcerer bloodline capstone, which if this item used charges would allow a character to burn a few spell slots to boost their CL as high as they liked. In addition I may have had blinders on to any "meh" factor because I watched a cleric and a wizard get into a fist fight over an item that worked in a similar manner to this one.
On a side note when Neil posted the judges critiques on the Philosopher’s Apple item one of them, I am unable to tell who, seemed to respond negatively the mere thought of a gravity based item, are gravity items one of those almost universally bad items that get submitted every year or something of the like?
Thank you for your time.
Suspension of Reckoning:Aura faint divination; CL 5th Slot -; Price 250 gp; Weight -
Description
Tiny organs of various creatures are suspended in this greasy substance. As a standard action, a vial of the substance may be used to coat a weapon or up to 20 units of ammunition. As part of the same action, the substance must also be applied to the user's face to create a link between the suspension and the user for 1 hour.When a creature is first struck by the coated weapon or ammunition, the suspension grants a +10 competence bonus to the user on a knowledge check as a free action. The type of check granted is dependent upon the area of the face where the suspension has been applied.
Forehead: Arcana
Ears: Dungeoneering
Eyes: Local
Nose: Nature
Temples: Planes
Tongue: ReligionConstruction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item; Cost 125 gp
I'm mostly confused by this. I apply it to a weapon... I hit somebody... and then I get a Knowledge check bonus? That's... extremely counter-intuitive.
Do I need to make the check right then, while I'm hitting the guy? Am I, like, siphoning off the guy's knowledge? (If so, what if he's stupid?) I'm not grokking the central concept here.
I think something's broken with the mechanic as well - can I prick myself with a coated dagger for 1hp and a +10 bonus? How about a teammate? Or a half-dead goblin left over from last battle? A stray cat? It's generally pretty easy to find something to slice at, so this "restriction" isn't much of a restriction.
Lastly, the "area of the face" mechanism feels awkward to me. Do I really need each knowledge type matched to a face-part? Wouldn't it be easier to just write ?
Sorry for the negative comments... I do hope they're helpful, though :) If you clarify the concept you were aiming at, I might have more ideas on how the item might be improved.
...I was working on execution and tightness this year and was aiming for simplist elegance...
Sorry to sound so harsh but:
296 words to describe a bag of holding and you aimed for "simplist[ic] elegance"?!
...I was working on execution and tightness this year and was aiming for simplist elegance...Sorry to sound so harsh but:
296 words to describe a bag of holding and you aimed for "simplist elegance"?!
Don't confuse simplistic elegance with being the same thing as short :P
Its a single idea the mechanics of which was harder to explain clearly. unfortunately, I am a very visual minded sort of person, so I got bogged down in how you got to the pockets and ensuring the number of pockets was clearly defined.
I resisted adding mondo knife attachments.
Yeah, I did over simplify my item and pull reins in too much this year. I maybe should have reduce the maneouvering to each pocket and reinstate the anti theft ideas I had.
But that's all part of the learning process.
What I am chuffed about is no freakin' template issues (apart from adding the girallon pelt with book and page to the construction elements).
Plus I liked it as a player as it kind of lets me organise my double sided a4 list of bag of holding contents into compartmentalised sections.
Some people like this sort of thing, some don't, some like gonzo, some don't, some like mechanics and visuals, some don't - it's quite a balancing act, but I think I am getting there.
Right you are, but Superstar is not about what some people might like.
Your item is a needlessy complicated version of a bag of holding. It offers no advantage whatsoever.
Where is the superstar there?
First time entrant, so be gentle :)
I'm going to figure that it was mechanics and potentially the penalties imposed that really doomed my item, because I know I worried about that after I posted it.
Umbral Cord
Aura faint necromancy and illusion; CL 4th
Slot Neck; Price 10,500 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
This frayed and tattered black hemp rope is tied in the style of a hangman's noose. Once per day as a standard action in dim light, the noose can be placed around the neck and tightened, as if preparing the wearer for hanging. The wearer is then suspended, limp and comatose, his consciousness transferred into his shadow. This creates a sentient shade controlled by the wearer. In this form the shade loses access to any spells or supernatural abilities of its physical form and cannot physically handle or operate objects in any way.
The shade can travel in any shadow that exists, excluding magical darkness, for up to one hour. While traveling in the shadow of a creature with an Intelligence of 3 or greater, the shade can attempt to possess the owner as a standard action, granting it a Will save to resist (DC 16). This is a mind-affecting effect. If the save fails, the shade gains total control over the body for the remaining duration. Any attempt to place the possessed body in a hostile or dangerous environment results in an immediate Will save at a cumulative +2 bonus for each attempt.
A standard action within 5ft of the physical body ends the effect with no penalty. Exposure to direct light while not in shadow, a failed possession attempt, exceeding the time limit or damage dealt to the physical body forces the consciousness back into its physical form, ending the effect. This deals 2 points of Constitution damage and confers the staggered condition for 1d4+4 rounds.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, shadow projection, shadow step; Cost 5,250 gp
Umbral Cord
[[Item description]]
Just as an aside, I was working through an item almost exactly like this in my brainstorming process, down to the possession. The main difference was that you became ethereal, instead of a shadow.
Eerie.
Any thoughts would be appreciated. Thanks!
Phylactery of Urgathoa
Aura moderate necromancy [evil]; CL 14th
Slot wrists, hands; Price 68,600 gp; Weight –
Description
Only wearable by an anti-paladin, this tiny box contains a fragment of parchment with the name ‘Urgothoa’ inscribed on it. The box rests on the bicep, held firmly in place by a cord made of flesh (type varies) that wraps down around the arm and hand. The phylactery and the cord may not be covered by a gauntlet, bracers, gloves, etc.., and the hand retains full usage.
Once per day, as a Standard Action, the anti-paladin can use one of his Channel Negative Energy uses and within a 30’ radius he may control a number of undead equal to his level as per Control Undead. Any undead with hit dice less than the anti-paladin’s level do not get a save. Any undead of equal or greater hit dice receive a Will save to resist the control compulsion. The DC for this Will save is equal to 10 plus ½ the anti-paladin’s level + his Charisma modifier – the difference between his level and the undead’s hit dice.
The compulsion lasts until the anti-paladin or undead are killed or he releases the undead. At any one time, the anti-paladin can control a number of undead with total hit dice equal to his current level plus his Charisma modifier.
Each day that the Phylactery is worn does one temporary Constitution point of damage. When the anti-paladin’s Constitution reaches zero, he becomes an undead creature with all relevant changes. For every day that the Phylactery is not worn, the anti-paladin regains one Constitution point.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, Control Undead; Cost 34,300 GP
I rather suspect I know the reasons why my item didn't make it. I waited to long to get started and just didn't have the time to do it right. But the feedback from the judges and the community are always helpful and will likely see things to improve that I missed.
Cloak of Inspiration
Aura moderate enchantment; CL 10th
Slot shoulders; Price 24,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
A normal grey cloak in appearance, when donned a cloak of inspiration takes on any single vibrant color of the wearer’s choosing and is boldly inscribed with the insignia of the wearer’s respected affiliation, religion, or a symbol of specific significance. This cloak allows the wearer to inspire themselves and their allies to even greater heights than would normally be produced, and may be used as the wearer’s personal banner for abilities that require one. Three times per day the wearer can, as a free action, double the moral bonus provided by a spell or ability produced by the wearer. Only one spell or ability can be enhanced at a time. If the spell or ability has duration longer than 10 minutes or is permanent, this effect ends after 10 minutes.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, moment of greatness; Cost 12,000 gp
Hi. I would love any fedback, positive or negative, and to know which category it fell into.
Butler's Gloves of Silver Service
Aura faint universal; CL 3rd
Slot hands; Price 3,000 gp; Weight -
Description
These white cotton butler's gloves have a pleated back and are a brilliant white. They are used by noble families throughout Golarion to ensure that their house staff always look prim and proper. Any person wearing these gloves is under the constant effect of a prestidigitation spell. The gloves instantly clean any dirt or grime from the wearer's clothing so that they always look presentable. Their shirt is always tucked in, and their jacket buttoned up. If the wearer deliberately untucks their shirt they will find it tucked in the next round. The gloves themselves are a pristine crisp white and never pick up any dirt or stains. The wearer can also control the prestidigitation to perform any of the effects listed in the spell description. This is commonly used to clean and polish any silverware, chill wine, and to re-warm and season a guest's food as desired. While primarily of interest to those performing table service these gloves have more recently started finding their way onto the hands of wily adventurers who have been finding a multitude of uses for them.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, prestidigitation, mage hand; Cost 1,500 gp
I'm obviously not a judge but I think I have a general idea where you went wrong.
It is a SIAC that costs 3,000 gp to let you cast a cantrip, in this case prestidigitation, at will.
I'm also not too sure where mage hand fits into this item. I'm guessing that it did something else, probably letting you serve guests their wine, and take the glasses away, telekinetically to be extremely unobtrusive, but got cut to meet the word count.
Cloak of Inspiration
Aura moderate enchantment; CL 10th
Slot shoulders; Price 24,000 gp; Weight 1 lb.
Description
A normal grey cloak in appearance, when donned a cloak of inspiration takes on any single vibrant color of the wearer’s choosing and is boldly inscribed with the insignia of the wearer’s respected affiliation, religion, or a symbol of specific significance. This cloak allows the wearer to inspire themselves and their allies to even greater heights than would normally be produced, and may be used as the wearer’s personal banner for abilities that require one. Three times per day the wearer can, as a free action, double the moral bonus provided by a spell or ability produced by the wearer. Only one spell or ability can be enhanced at a time. If the spell or ability has duration longer than 10 minutes or is permanent, this effect ends after 10 minutes.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, moment of greatness; Cost 12,000 gp
3/per day moment of greatness. It's a SIAC, except slightly more limited than the original spell. It's also a ridiculously expensive one at that. 24,000 gp to have an item that gives you the effects of a 1st level spell is pretty steep.
I saw that the other alternate put his item up here, so I figured I should too. I'm hoping that I can see some of the remarks from the judges that might help me with my alternate entry for the next round.
I'm jumping ahead to this one to make sure you get as much feedback as we can give you. For some reason, I thought Paizo always made sure they emailed the alternates their feedback. I've also included the commentary from the guest judges...
Gloves of Item Domination
*This is kind of an interesting idea. A pair of gloves that let you handle "hazardous" materials more easily in the form of aligned items and intelligent items with an opposing alignment. I could see some faiths creating such gloves so they could more easily handle, transport, and dispose of opposed items without disabling themselves. Frodo could probably have used a pair of these gloves while carrying the ring into Mordor.
*I'm not as happy with the actual power/mechanics of the item's description. Suppressing 1d4 negative levels is a misstep in my book. I'd rather see it be a static amount and really only suppress 1 negative level. And I think you should go with either the +4 bonus on saves in personality conflicts with intelligent weapons or two saves with the gloves' wearer taking the higher result. Glomming on both of these feels too much like power-creep to me. It smacks of the player who's desperate to always win personality conflicts so they can continue to use an intelligent weapon that wouldn't normally accept them. I do like that they specified certain abilities still can't be invoked (like a holy avenger's power). That's a wise design choice.
*Bottom line for me is that I like the creative idea here. The execution is a little wobbly/poorly-designed, but I might be interested in seeing what else this designer has up their sleeve over the rest of the competition.
*Vote to Keep.
*Very niche item.
*Don't model the same thing twice: either give a +4 save bonus, or let them roll twice, not both.
*I agree with Neil that the 1d4 negative level reduction is weird and should just be a flat number.
*Neat (if limited) idea, poor execution.
*Reject.
*Oh I love this idea!
*The idea is good enough for me to vote KEEP! That they are gloves is perfect.
*Keep.
*This is a magic-bullet, plot-device item that won't be worn except when needed and otherwise will be kept in a bag of holding (rendering its slot meaningless).
*I do not recommend that you vote for this designer.
*I agree with Ryan, I like it but not enough to "golden ticket" it. But still with my comments and Neil's comments I'll hit Keep and sort it into the Keep folder where it will likely die a slow death (and not make the top 32).
*So I will then hit the Keep button. This one may well make an alternate item. It has some spark.
*I found the name intriguing; I really wondered what 'dominating' an item meant. I'd prepared myself for something fairly prosaic, like giving a big bonus to UMD checks or soemthing. You definitely surpassed that, at the least.
*You've managed to come up with an idea that I can honestly say I've never seen before. Considering that alignment-limited and intelligent items have been in the game since first edition, that's saying a lot. In concept, it's really interesting and I applaud your innovation for coming up with it. But...
*...I'm honestly not sure how much use this would ever actually be. The times I've craved to be using evil-aligned items as a good character or vice versa are very few and far between. And while I appreciate your broadening the scope of the item's theme by making it applicable to intelligent items as well, I'm not sure how much use that is to a game either. Basically, as a DM, when you put a sentient item into a game, you either intend it to work in harmony with your players or you don't. And if you don't, if you're playing a device antagonistic to your players, then you'd be unlikely to ever give them an item to override that antagonist. Now, I could see a game where these are used to override the strong-willed evil sword until it can be tossed into Mount Doom or something, but then this feels almost like a plot device.
*To me, it's a neat idea of somewhat questionable value. But don't let my overthinking this get you down; you're in the contest, and that's awesome regardless. If nothing else, the idea behind this shows great creativity; I can see why the judges voted you in. I look forward to seeing that creativity applied to later rounds.
*You've clearly identified a gap and created an interesting item to fill that gap. However, I'm not too sure that this gap needed to be filled. Sure, my inquisitor would love a pair of these gloves, but I feel that the gloves would cheapen his otherwise dangerous courier mission. Frodo would have been a far less compelling character if he had an easier time with the ring.
*However, I cannot deny that you've shown some creativity and ability to spot possible gaps and virgin design territory.
*I'm not a fan of the name, which is too literal. An effect that exists only to negate an interesting preexisting drawback is neither creative nor desirable. Mechanics aren't particularly well-done. Meh.
Elixir of the Snail
*His "members"...squeezing through "orifices"...? LOL.
*At first, I thought I might like this item. An elixir that simulates some snail-like abilities for a bonus on Climb checks, a compression ability, some DR/bludgeoning, and some other effect based on the stickiness of taking on a slimy body would have been kind of a cool item I could see an alchemist pursuing.
*As-written, I'm not sure that's what we get here. I'm also unsure of what it means to have your "members" creep like living slugs up to 5 feet apart. Does that mean they can separate from your body? Is it simply extending your reach? I'm unclear.
*Vote to Reject.
*Grab bag of stuff, not well described mechanically.
*Vote to Reject.
*Rejected.
Umbral Cord
[[Item description]]Just as an aside, I was working through an item almost exactly like this in my brainstorming process, down to the possession. The main difference was that you became ethereal, instead of a shadow.
Eerie.
That, as you said, is eerie. But interesting. If you get the chance I'd like to see what you were working on, might give me some insight as to where I went wrong.
Girdle of the Girallon
Aura moderate transmutation; CL 11th
Slot waist; Price 26,500 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This white, hide belt is fastened with a sturdy horn buckle. Both hide and horn are harvested from the fearsome girallon, well-known for its two pairs of powerful arms. As a swift action, the wearer activates the belt to gain a second set of arms protruding just above the hips. Any armor or clothing worn by the user conforms to the new arms. Though somewhat thicker and hairier, the wearer can use the new arms and hands just as well as his or her own. For example, a cleric wielding a sword and shield could use one of the hands granted by the belt for somatic spell components and the other could hold a wand. Also, once per round, while the belt is activated, the wearer can draw or stow a weapon or item as a swift action. Finally, the extra arms grant a +8 competence bonus on Climb checks.
The girdle can only be active for ten minutes per day, in one minute increments, and the minutes need not be consecutive. A swift action deactivates the item.
The extra appendages do not grant extra magic item slots or any extra actions. Though the wearer can wield more than two weapons while the belt is active, he does not gain the ability to make extra attacks.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, beast shape IV, one arm and one horn of a girallon; Cost 13,250 gp
First time entrant! Had a great time participating and look forward to following the competition. Thanks for any critiquing you can offer. I know now not to use specific items in the requirements. Oh well, next time.
Phantom Glove
*This is just a way to keep an opposing spellcaster from casting (that's all the strangle ability does), at a range, using your own CMB/CMD. Which means a guy who's good at grappling is probably better off just going to the target and grappling, since you can interfere with spellcasting by using grappling or pinning.
*Reject.
*It does seem rather oriented towards the automatic negation of an opposing spellcaster. I mean, they're already weak opponents when it comes to defending themselves against grappling, but now they can't even hide behind their minions without this glove's wearer being able to target them with an incorporeal hand that's almost impossible to avoid or remove once it latches on.
*I get why the designer thought this might make for a good design niche to play around in, but it's really not. This is the type of item that tips the scales in terms of game balance between the classes by taking what's supposed to be an up close and personal CMB and letting you now do it at range without endangering yourself. That's just not Superstar thinking...
*Vote to Reject.
*Rejected.
Apothecary’s Atomizer
*So, this thing lets you apply a potion effect as a swift action. It then gives you the equivalent of four swift actions in a single round to spray four companions? Or, it lets you create a 10-foot cloud that lasts for a round so you can apply the effect of four identical potions to as many people as you can fit in the cloud? Kinda overkill on the potion sharing and economy of actions surrounding potion use. I'm not a fan.
*Vote to Reject.
*I basically don't like items that break the action economy. Potions are cheap, just accept that it's going to be more than a swift action, okay?
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Thieves' Guide
*Brace yourself. Your core idea hit a raw nerve with the judges, because we've specifically cited this type of item as a bad idea before in all of the advice threads.
*No! Not the "tell me where the most valuable piece of treasure this dead body ever had is" item! We've called that one out specifically in the past.
*On top of that, really lousy item name...
*Vote to Reject. Emphatically.
*DOUBLE SLAP.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
That, as you said, is eerie. But interesting. If you get the chance I'd like to see what you were working on, might give me some insight as to where I went wrong.
Umbral Cord
[[Item description]]Just as an aside, I was working through an item almost exactly like this in my brainstorming process, down to the possession. The main difference was that you became ethereal, instead of a shadow.
Eerie.
I'd love to throw the notes at you but, unfortunately, it was mentally developed, and rejected, while I was at work.
Basically to get my version-remove the dim light and shadow prerequisites. Your "spirit" comes forth as an ethereal version of you. You could travel the ethereal plane and attempt to possess folk (their soul gets held in the noose while you were riding). You got shunted back into your own body based on the same criteria, minus the exposure to bright sunlight, and add if your body is attacked/harmed to the conditions, and when you were shunted back into your body, you were just staggered.
My main issue, besides it being an item that only someone who is absolutely bug-nuts crazy would use (ever been strangled? It's very unpleasant), the cost would be stupidly high for something pretty niche since I used ethereal jaunt and magic jar as prerequisites.
Assassin Eye
*You were disqualified. The contest rules require that you also include your item's name in the body text (as well as the title of the messageboard post). As such, it counts toward your total word count. That put you over the limit. Here's what we said in the judges' forum:
*Yet another item that goes over wordcount if I include the title in the submission text. This is what people get for flirting too close to the word limit.
*In addition, it's basically just a remote-controlled, delayed fireball. Yeah, who wouldn't find that annoying at 4,800 gp a pop?
*Auto-reject.
Pharasmian Tomb Stone
*So, it's a ghost touch SIAC. With a crappy name. Meh.
*Should be "tombstone"...
*Vote to Reject.
*Isn't it "Pharasmin" anyway?
*Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Shackles of the Merciful Confessor
*A DC 13 Will save won't be all that difficult by the time someone can afford this item at 25,250 gp. And it's really just an interrogation item. Not all that innovative or interesting.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Every year there are a slew of "tie up the mage and render him or her unable to do magic" items as well as a bunch of "help me interrogate the captive" items. Neither of those design spaces are that Superstar.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
FIREBIRD JESSES
*I never envisioned Spring Attack being used in flight before. Wouldn't a Fly-By Attack make more sense? And doesn't that really just make this more of a Feat-in-a-Can for your animal companion or familiar? Is that Superstar innovative? It doesn't feel that innovative to me. The shadow falcon glove from last year was a more compelling falconry item than this...
*Weak Reject.
*Yeah, it's feat in a can.
*I like the elemental body bit, but it's not enough to salvage the item (especially as you activating it provokes AOOs, but odds are you're hanging back, so provoking is irrelevant).
*Reject.
*Agreed. Reject.
*Rejected.
Thieves' Guide*Brace yourself. Your core idea hit a raw nerve with the judges, because we've specifically cited this type of item as a bad idea before in all of the advice threads.
*No! Not the "tell me where the most valuable piece of treasure this dead body ever had is" item! We've called that one out specifically in the past.
*On top of that, really lousy item name...
*Vote to Reject. Emphatically.
*DOUBLE SLAP.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
I did the smart thing and found the advice threads, and poured over everything on magic item design after submitting the item.
Which covered pretty much everything about my item, and you confirmed my suspicions.
Huzzah!
Thanks for letting me know that I went really, REALLY wrong with it and wasn't just being too hard on myself.
Alchemist's Vest
Aura moderate conjuration and transmutation; CL 9th
Slot chest; Price 4,000 gp; Weight 2 lbs.
Description
This long, black leather vest is stained from years of alchemical experiments. Sewn down the front of the vest there are six flasks reproduced in gold and silver thread, three per side. The flasks appear to be no more than fine stitching, but upon closer inspection the "lids" of the flasks may be flipped open, revealing a pocket.
Each flask-pocket is an extradimensional space that may hold up one dose of a solution. Solutions are considered to be elixirs, infused extracts, mutagens, potions or poisons. This is done by pouring a solution into the pocket and closing the "lid." Filling a flask with a solution is a standard action that provokes attacks of opportunity.
By touching a flask, the solution stored within it is activated upon the wearer as if they had consumed the solution, and the solution is expended. Activating a flask-pocket is a swift action that does not provoke attacks of opportunity. Only one flask may be activated per round.
Solutions that expire or go inert (such as extracts and certain potions) as well as other solutions that are no longer wanted must be emptied from the pocket-flask before it may be refilled. This is done by opening the lid of the flask-pocket and speaking the command word. This vaporizes the solution into an inert gas and leaves the pocket ready to receive a new solution. Emptying a flask-pocket is a standard action that provokes attacks of opportunity.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, touch injection, secret chest; Cost 2,000 gp
This point marks the feedback line for every request on Page 1 of this thread. I'm also having a conversation with Sean and Clark in the judges' forum about doing a deeper dive on all the items that made the Keep folder (including the alternates). Stay tuned for that. We may move that level of feedback to a different thread just separate out the items that were close.
Also, just to make people aware (and Clark or Sean might feel differently), but I generally don't have time to go back and read anyone's justification or follow-up questions on anything I've shared here. In the interests of getting feedback out to everyone who requests it, I'm just pushing through as quick as I can.
As always, the important thing is that you read and recognize the lessons from all of these item submissions and how the judges viewed them. Don't just wait around for your single critique. That's only going to tell you where you went wrong in your single idea. Since you can't resubmit this same item, knowing where it went wrong isn't going to allow you to somehow fix it and become a perfect Superstar candidate thereafter. Instead, you need to apply all of the lessons shared here. Spend some time and do your homework. Pay attention to what the judges liked about some of these items as well as what they didn't like. Then, consider all of that as you work on a new design for next year.
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While I don't have a copy of the final version of my submission on this computer, I was hoping I could get some feed back on it.
please note this is a copy of my second draft of the item. Not the final version I submitted.
Sandals of the Scorched Path
Aura Minor Evocation and Transmutation CL
Slot-Feet Price 6000g Weight 1lb
Description
These tanned Sandles are made from blackned leather. Whenever the wearer casts a spell with the Fire energy type, or uses an item or ability that deals fire damage, the wearer deals one more point of Fire damage. On comand the sandles burst into flames and and the wearer is affected by the Longstrider Spell for up to 8 hours per day (Split up how the user desires). While under the effects of this spell the wearer leaves a trail of buring footprints. The Footprints create no heat and do not consume oxygen and shed light like a torch. The footprints last for 1 hour.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Items, Continual Flame, Longstrider
Cost 3000g
That, as you said, is eerie. But interesting. If you get the chance I'd like to see what you were working on, might give me some insight as to where I went wrong.
Umbral Cord
[[Item description]]Just as an aside, I was working through an item almost exactly like this in my brainstorming process, down to the possession. The main difference was that you became ethereal, instead of a shadow.
Eerie.
I'd love to throw the notes at you but, unfortunately, it was mentally developed, and rejected, while I was at work.
Basically to get my version-remove the dim light and shadow prerequisites. Your "spirit" comes forth as an ethereal version of you. You could travel the ethereal plane and attempt to possess folk (their soul gets held in the noose while you were riding). You got shunted back into your own body based on the same criteria, minus the exposure to bright sunlight, and add if your body is attacked/harmed to the conditions, and when you were shunted back into your body, you were just staggered.
My main issue, besides it being an item that only someone who is absolutely bug-nuts crazy would use (ever been strangled? It's very unpleasant), the cost would be stupidly high for something pretty niche since I used ethereal jaunt and magic jar as prerequisites.
Ah, no worries. Sounds interesting. Yes, there was a bit of dark flavoring going on with the item (strangulation isn't fun, for sure). I figured having your conscience potentially traveling a great distance from your body and then "rubber banding" back doing a bit more than just staggering you, but I confess that my penalties may have been a bit harsh.
Proliferating Pocket Purse
Anthony, looking back I see I forgot to actually put your item name at the top of my critique earlier. So I wanted to make sure you didn't miss it before it gets buried in the critique thread :)
Choking Jar
*So, it's just a long-range suffocation SIAC for 7,000 gp? This is a poor item concept that players would abuse to no end.
*Vote to Reject.
*Agreed. SIAC.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Corsair’s Dream
*This is a major step up from the apparatus of the crab (or Kwalish).
*250,000 gp? We've overshot the normal pricing table for wondrous items. And honestly, this thing is venturing into artifact territory moreso than just a magical ship.
*The designer has some stones to make a try with this thing. How many others would submit a wondrous item for RPG Superstar that you can't actually bring with you in your pack?
*It's an interesting choice, even if I think it's the wrong one. At its core, it's just a magic ship with some spell effects woven into it. There's nothing exceptionally innovative about the choices made with regards the magic in the ship, though. And, based on that, I have to...
*...Vote to Reject.
*This is multiple items grafted onto a ship, not a wondrous item.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Gloves of the Magi
*Meh. Not really all that interesting or innovative of an idea here.
*You can tell the designer strove hard to apply the template correctly and reference something new with the magus spellstrike ability. Even so, I don't think this one is Superstar-caliber. And what happens when you cast a touch spell that sustains for multiple rounds (like chill touch)? Does the residual damage keep stacking...last longer...?
*Vote to Reject.
*I like it. It's simple, and useful, and immediately understandable (though the language as written needs to be edited for clarity).
*If I had a mage or cleric character, and I didn't already have a pair of more useful gloves, I'd have my character wear these.
*Vote to Keep.
*Hmmm. The author does a few good things. Good template. Good idea to work in the fertile field of the magus. Touch spell stuff is fun. Good use of template.
*I don't like the name. There is a staff of the magi, and that is a pimped out super staff. So the gloves of the magi better be on the same level. These, of course, are not. They are the gloves of the magus. I think that is a HUGE name fail.
*I also see Neil's mechanics question, as many of the magus spells are touch spells and there is some serious confusion in my mind (maybe only mine) as to how this item works with that. That needed clarification.
*Weak REJECT though props to the author for doing so many things right.
*It's a nice try. To me, the main fault is there are touch spells that don't deal damage, or don't deal energy damage... so what type of damage bonus carries over to the next touch attack? Heck, Neil's example of chill touch deals Strength damage, not hit point damage, so does Strength damage carry over to your next touch attack?
*What if your next touch attack isn't a damage spell? What if on round 1 you cast shocking grasp on an enemy, and on round 2 you cast invisibility on yourself or an ally? Do you hurt yourself or the ally when you touch them?
*I like that they tried to make something for the magus. But the design hole is too big for me to vote keep.
*Reject.
*Rejected.
Chariot of the Dragonlord
*So, it's like a Cinderella chariot? Does it turn back at the stroke of midnight? Is this Superstar? I'm feeling even less generous about magic vehicles in this entry than the [other one] I just reviewed. How often would a combat chariot come into play anyway?
*Weak Reject.
*This is in the folding boat category (portable vehicle)... and therefore is a variant of an existing item and not Superstar.
*Reject.
*Rejected.