Hi all,
I'm looking for four players who want to rise to the challenge of playing as goblin PCs in the upcoming Free RPG Day release, 'We Be Goblins!' For those unfamiliar with this adventure, here's a portion of the product info blurb:
The Licktoad goblins of Brinestump Marsh have stumbled upon a great treasure—fireworks! Yet unfortunately for them, the tribe member responsible for the discovery has already been exiled for the abhorrent crime of writing (which every goblin knows steals words from your head). To remedy this situation, the Licktoads’ leader, His Mighty Girthness Chief Rendwattle Gutwad, has declared that the greatest heroes of the tribe must venture forth to retrieve the rest of the fireworks from a derelict ship stranded in the marsh...
This won't be a first-come, first-served application process. Rather, I thought it would be fun to turn this into a role-playing exercise so you can get your goblin on, as it were. The scenario is this...your would-be goblin adventurer has been brought in front of Chief Gutwad and the whole of the Licktoad tribe to make his case as to why he should be selected to go after the fireworks. In short, it's an audition process. Feel free to get creative with this, but please do include your goblin's name, class (core only please), and a unique physical description. Keep in mind the humor matters a lot, but so do creativity, strong characterization, and party balance. I'll pick my favorite four characters by the end of the week. Note that, if this game is successful, I may consider using it as a prequel for me to run the Jade Regent AP later on (assuming everyone is interested).
Once your goblin has 'auditioned' you may also feel free to post his reaction to subsequent try-outs as well (just keep it in a spirit of fun and friendly competition).
This should be fun, I think. Who's on board?
cartwheeling into the group; a short (shorter than normal that is) sickly yellow goblin with small bones pierced through his ears ends up in front of the great chief Gutwad with a flourish and a smile that left his one broken canine showing.
uh...me Jobu! Jobu good at filling pockets and doing tricks
with that Jobu picks a long gooey booger out of his nose and quickly stuffs in to his mouth before pulling out a big, leg scrabbling beetle which he puts in his greay spiked hair.
i got brains too! mad brains...no bad brains. bad brains get Jobu hurt. hurt Jobu have to hide behind a rock or a tree. we get fireworks? i like when fireworks go boom!
as if on qeue a wet sounding fart blasts forth from his nether regions
hahaha Jobu make joke!
Riding atop his pet toothlizard (baby T-rex), a wretch looking goblin in tattered blood red robes, strides into the middle and presents himself to the Chief. In an incredibly high nasally voice he says,
"Chief Gutwad! I Grimlek Longtrunk am right one for job! I make friends with monster toothlizard! I have much magic and can get fireworks. I know ways of forest and swamp! And last, I am best because all know best goblin have LONG TRUNK!" At this he stands up on his toothlizard and pulls up his robes revealing a comically oversized "trunk" hanging between his legs. Feeling that he has made his point, Grimlek turns around and heads back into the group.
Glob Stinktoe, Bard
A bouncy bounding bard dances into the King's view. Burn marks scorch the ends of all his digits, and fringes of his smoke soaked garb. His hair "dyed" a sticky dark red by smashing red berries into his locks. Seeds and skins sticking to his scalp.
Your Maget-stry, Mez Glob Stinktoe, da one to get ta firebooms! Meza make fire with every parts of me body! I'z goes getz da booms, and brings em all back. Yes, all but one boom back come back. I only blowz up two boom for testing. Yes, all but three come back! I guarantee at least half da boom come back! Jobu make tiny poot soundz. Mesa do better.
Glob ready his instrument. The armpit turmpet, and begins . . .
Glop get boom
booms come back
Gobblers love booms
thats a fact
Glob is hero
Glob is green
Glob goez wiz
in mountain streem.
Dramatic bow to King. Dirty scowl to contenders. Exit stage right.
A completely bald and burned goblin makes his way, moving with a peculiar rolling gait. Now, when we say completely bald, we mean just that. There isn't a hair on his arms, his head, in his ears, or even his eyebrows. His body is covered in an array of burns, shiny and in peculiar shapes upon his body. They seem to be random blobs, slashes, and twists, but they don't seem to harm his ability to move or function.
"Thok Burnskin get colored fire. He control fire, make do his bidding, prevent it from burning skin again. If you no bring Thok, then you know tribe be "Thokked"! Now where that fire smell come from?"
Thok bows to the Chief, turning and leaving. He doesn't notice that the hem of his soot-covered robes, in the back, are on fire.
Really fun posts so far, guys. Keep it up!
hohoho..hehehe..haha....chief pay Longtrunk with peanuts!!!
THUD (first and last name), Barbarian
A surprisingly thick muscle-bound goblin whose body resembles that of a swollen toad staggers in on sinew swollen legs. He is clad only in a strategically placed discarded handkerchief and battered patches of alligator skin that cover his broad shoulders and nearly hide his tiny head. In fact, his head might be entirely overlooked were it not flagged by oversized gnawed looking ears.
In a piping voice, the muscle packed goblin utters these words, ”Me THUD! Me STRONGEST! Me fetch BOOMSTICKS!” He pauses dramatically and then rages running in circles screaming for several moments before rocketing out of the circle still screaming.
A moment later (still screaming) he returns with a 6 foot log vertically balanced upright in his hands. Glowering at Grimlek he pipes, ”BIGGEST log!” Then casually throws it over his shoulder squashing a nearby goblin child as he staggers back out of the circle to collapse gasping.
THOD (first, middle, last and nick name), Fighter
A fragile looking goblin, whose whole body is covered with tiny scars and who wears a taxidermised cat on his head, enters the boss' tent.
Big boss Gutwad, me gonna go to if Thud is allowed to goes! Me the more clever of us, me more clever than any other goblin in da clan!...except da boss, naturally. Me very experienced in using boom sticks, been in Sandpoint during da Raid of 4706, blasted several dogs, cats and one horse!
He points at his pathetic biceps, then at his tiny head and grins a nearly toothless grin.
a tall and hsnsome, in his own mind, goblin stands before chief Gutwad.
He is dressed in armor that appears to heve pounded out of various cooking utencils. He carries a large frying pan and has a wooden bucket held together with two metal bands on his head.
"Oh mighty King Gutwad loved and feared by all the peopled of the world. Your faithfull knight, Braggart Bignose, requests the honor of undertaking this sacred quest! With my mighty, steel reinforced, helmet and my fearsome, cold iron, shield, my bloodsome lance tongue splitter and my noble steed sootskin I will send your enemies felling the battlefield and win the heart of the fair maiden we are sent to rescue.
At this point Braggart's friend Drip rushes out of the crowd and wispers in Braggart's ear.
"....."
Braggart's green skin flushes in embarassment.
'Fireworks, not a fair maiden?'
"... ..... .."
"Couldn't be a pet name at all?"
".."
"You think they noticed?"
"..."
Braggart clears his throat
"As I was saying. Rescuing the fireworks and defeating the foul and cowardly beast that holds them in durance vile. I Braggart Bignose knight of the garter, whatever a garter is. Slayer of the great tounged beast. Hearby and forsooth pledge my life my liberty and my sacred honor to the recovery of these holy munitions! For surely if we do not hang together we will all hang seperately!
Three cheers for King Gutwad!
'Hip, hip..."
Crowd
'Hip, hip..."
Crowd
'Hip, hip..."
Crowd
With that Braggart bows, nearly tips over, and clanks back into the crowd.
Drip, from the back "Hip!... oh sorry"
Thod nudges Thud
Meh, he gonna choose da idiot Braggart aggin...can't stand him...alwaysa gets da nicest females...
This is great reading. Keep up the good work.
Thud sits up glancing around curiously, "Me have GROUPIE?"
Thud sits up glancing around curiously, "Me have GROUPIE?"
'Ah yes Thud, the price of fame.'
Braggart removes his bucket revealing a Don King style hairdo that exactly fills the "helmet".
Thod pokes a finger in Thud's nose...content with what he found, he says
Motha told me to have an eye on u. then he fumbles in his pocket and gets a wrinkled and dried eyeball out
Me is not going to disa...disa...whatever her.
As Thud gives his announcement, there is a stump on the edge of the clearing.
As Thod gives his announcement, there is a stump among the goblins in the circle.
After Braggart give his rousing cheers, there is a stump in the middle of the clearing.
The stump slightly raises and turns till there is a a small knothole facing King Gutwad. A voice comes from within the stump. "Me Singe! Singe in here! Marsh not know I come. Then I get surprise on Marsh. Get Fireworks."
A scrawny arm pokes out where a branch once grew. "Take that Marsh!" A gout of flame sprays out from Singe's exposed hand scattering nearby goblins, igniting the top of Braggart's fro and more importantly catching his old stump on fire.
Singe's feet appear beneath the stump as it rises up and runs from the clearing trailing fire and smoke and cries from Singe. In the distance, there is a heavy thud of the stump falling over and then some splashing in the marsh.
Thud stares fascinated by Braggart's colossal coif mumbling repeatedly in an awed whisper, "big...HAIR" until it suddenly ignites. Then he mumbles repeatedly in an awed whisper with an evil grin on his tiny face, "big...FIRE."
Braggart slams his helmet on to his head smothering the fire and giving him a headache.
"Betrayal! Ever the bane of the stalwart knight!
"Sootskin to me! There are noble deeds afoot!....."
"Sootskin? SOOTSKIN... >whistles<.....
"Now where has he got to?"
Braggard clanks into the crowd searching for his valient steed.
d'oh!! Singe now Sink. kersplash!! gurgle gurgle gurgle.
...Thod is right...uh...Braggart do get lots of females but only pretty ones...uh...and who wants them anyways?...
Jobu waddles through the crowd who is mesmerized by the shananigans of the goblin heroes; filching items from open pouches and flicking boogers to and fro
A moment later (still screaming) he returns with a 6 foot log vertically balanced upright in his hands. Glowering at Grimlek he pipes, ”BIGGEST log!” Then casually throws it over his shoulder squashing a nearby goblin child as he staggers back out of the circle to collapse gasping.
HA HA. Thud must get log from swamp because him not have one between legs. All women goblin say so.
Toothlizard chooses this moment to squat and place a goblin sized pile of dung on the ground. Grimlek looks at it and says
and that for you Braggart! Even Toothlizard think you worth dung!
A massive giant of a hobgoblin appears on the edge of the gathering. Some of the goblins start to scatter until they realize it is only Lucky Bones, an outcast from his own tribe who wandered around the marsh, somehow managing to survive despite annoying nearly everyone he meets. After a few minutes of watching the fun, he grabs Singe's singed stump, put it on his head, and crashing into the opening in the middle, "Bones can help. He like fireworks and can smash goblin thief into ground." To prove his point he grabs the nearest observer, which happens to be Thud, and starts to try pound the poor goblin into the ground with his meaty fist. When all that does is give the goblin a headache, he leaves to find a big club somewhere to do the job better. "I be back to prove it."
uh, oh! did bones say he squish theef? whos theef? thats thod not theef, and over thar is thud. him not theef eever. wheres the theef?!
Braggart returns to the hall astride his magestic Sootskin. That is until Sootskin sees his good friend Thud and go bounding after him. This causes Braggart's mighty lance to catch on the low ceiling at the same time Sootscales skids through the lizard droppings. With a mighty Braggart hits the floor. His cast iron shield flies through the air to fall directly on Grimlek's head. A moment later there are two goblins sprawled out on the hard packed floor.
Ahem.
Oh, I see. So you can tell it's a goblin, because he can't speak properly, huh? He spells words wrong, and often fails to conjugate his verbs, huh? You make me sick.
While I am quite excited to see that Pathfinder is branching out into the world of modules for everybody's favorite race of dashing and debonair demihumans, any advances in the field of goblin-human relations brought about by this development have long been run aground by this "thread" that has quickly degenrated into a disgusting minstrelsy show.
I'm flagging all of you!
Ahem.
Oh, I see. So you can tell it's a goblin, because he can't speak properly, huh? He spells words wrong, and often fails to conjugate his verbs, huh? You make me sick.
While I am quite excited to see that Pathfinder is branching out into the world of modules for everybody's favorite race of dashing and debonair demihumans, any advances in the field of goblin-human relations brought about by this development have long been run aground by this "thread" that has quickly degenrated into a disgusting minstrelsy show.
I'm flagging all of you!
Braggard rises to the strangers challange.
Sirrah! I take this flagging as a personal insult tomy sacred honor! Choose your weapons varlet or be known a coward where you stand!"
At this point Braggard tries to remove his glove only to realise it is too tight.
"Be with you in a moment varlet."
tug....tug....tug....
Grimlek goes crosseyed for a moment when the shield strikes him in the head and he slides to the ground in a heap. Toothlizard starts licking his face and he wakes up quickly. He stands up in a rage. Braggard... you pretty like elf! Grimlek looks very pleased with his insult and begins walking over to laugh at him, when he too slips on the droppings, accidentally hurling his spear into the crowd where it hits someone in the foot.
Singe comes back to the circle soaking wet. "Where is my stump? What! Bones take and wear on head?....oooh...Singe ride on Bone's head. Bones! Bones! Where are you. Let me in stump." Singe runs off to find Bones.
Thud stares after the departing Hobgoblin mumbling repeatedly in an awed whisper, "big...GOBLIN."at least until Sootscale pounces. Then Thud falls on his butt cackling, "He LICK me!"
Thok watches the chaos with amusement. He starts to wiggle his fingers, then stops. "They be funny enough without Thok's help." He pauses, sniffing the air. "Where that fire smell come from?"
The fire on the back of his robe hasn't gotten bigger...possibly cause of all the soot stuck in the robe.
Ahem.
Oh, I see. So you can tell it's a goblin, because he can't speak properly, huh? He spells words wrong, and often fails to conjugate his verbs, huh? You make me sick.
While I am quite excited to see that Pathfinder is branching out into the world of modules for everybody's favorite race of dashing and debonair demihumans, any advances in the field of goblin-human relations brought about by this development have long been run aground by this "thread" that has quickly degenrated into a disgusting minstrelsy show.
I'm flagging all of you!
Glop Stinktoe lets out a trumpeting blast from his armpit, gathering the crowds attention.
Eberyone! Listnz. Listinz wit your earz. Do you hear dem big words. Someone who reads and speaks big words is here. What sayz we burnz him! Her?. It? BURN BURN BURN!
Glop howls a war-cry, then spins in circles confused where to attack.
Wow...I go to work...I come home from work. I have 27 new posts to read.
This may be the most fun recruiting thread for a pbp ever! :D
Loving it, loving all of you. Gonna be tough to pick just four.
I'll sort through things later tonight and try to get a list together of applicants thus far.
I'm glad you guys are having such fun with this...I know I am.
who usa big words? i missed big words...big words only come from big head with big mouth....duh..yah...letz burn big words! who got fire? wheres singe?
|
In comes a goblin decked out in refuse platemail. Complete with a pot for a helmet and a frying pan at his side. Grob'nak, repor..report..here. He takes a moment to survey his competition and will hit the nearest goblin upside the head with the frying pan. When he realizes the chief is looking at him he will hide the frying pan behind the another goblin to his side, smile a wide tooth grin and salute banging his hand against the pot.
Avast, ye miscreants!
It is I, Doodlebug Anklebiter, goblin paladin of Iomedae and Webster (minor deity of spelling, punctuation and conjugation), here to smite you all!
[Takes of metal gauntlet and challenges Toothless Dragon to a duel]
My second and my lawyers will be in touch!
@ Toothless - heres a list of applicants so far -
Joboo Snaggletooth - Rogue
Grimlek Longtrunk - Druid
Glop Stinktoe - Bard
Thok Burnskin - Sorcerer / Fire Elemental
Mung Ho Blimp - Cleric
Thud - Barbarian
Thod - Fighter
Braggart Bignose - Fighter
Singe - Sorcerer
Grob'nak - Fighter
Avast, ye miscreants!
It is I, Doodlebug Anklebiter, goblin paladin of Iomedae and Webster (minor deity of spelling, punctuation and conjugation), here to smite you all!
Thud sits dazed by the torrent of words, his large ears twitching in a confused semaphore. He mumbles repeatedly in an awed whisper "big...WORDS."
A small goblin comes running into gathering, almost trips and falls in his hatse. Quickly regathering himself he screaches
"Silence!"
He gives what he think sis an intimidating stare at onyone still making noise, then tunrs to the chief
"Great chef, i get vision. Ance... anci...ancet....great hero god Zarongel, says Grouber go get boomstick. I protecteded by hero-god. Bad juju if me not there. Chef no want bad juju, no want anger Zarongel. smart chef send grouber."
Each time he says his own name he sticks his thumb into his chest. Finished and pleased with himself , Grouber moves off to th side, then pulls out a dead squirrel and burnt squirrel and begins eating it. He eyes the other goblins closley and keeps checking his pocket. others can see a large lumop and another squirrel tale hanging out of the pocket.
@ Toothless - heres a list of applicants so far -
Joboo Snaggletooth - Rogue
Grimlek Longtrunk - Druid
Glop Stinktoe - Bard
Thok Burnskin - Sorcerer / Fire Elemental
Mung Ho Blimp - Cleric
Thud - Barbarian
Thod - Fighter
Braggart Bignose - Fighter
Singe - Sorcerer
Grob'nak - Fighter
Thanks man!
To that list, we'll add the newest applicant, Gouber - Cleric
Thud sits dazed by the torrent of words, his large ears twitching in a confused semaphore. He mumbles repeatedly in an awed whisper "big...WORDS."
Glop Stinktoe
BigWORDS lead to WRITING. writing leads to BOOKS. books lead to . . . .SUFFERING!
Possibly of interest.
Zarongel is a barghest demigod that is numbered among the four Goblin Hero-Gods that are believed to have created the goblin race. He appears to be the most wolf-like of the four, but has hair composed of magical fire. Lamashtu is said to have freed Zarongel and the other three barghests from captivity by Asmodeus. Zarongel is commonly worshiped by goblins. Some tribes hold him in greater reverence than the other hero-gods or even Lamashtu. He is believed to be the origin of the goblins use of goblin dogs as pets and mounts.
he has the animal, fire, travel, evil domains and dogslicer is his favored weapon.
Oh, and point of clarification...
I think Meowzebub/Singe withdrew from consideration after realizing his idea was pretty much the same as Thok. At least, that's my interpretation of his last post. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.
Possibly of interest.
Zarongel is a barghest demigod that is numbered among the four Goblin Hero-Gods that are believed to have created the goblin race. He appears to be the most wolf-like of the four, but has hair composed of magical fire. Lamashtu is said to have freed Zarongel and the other three barghests from captivity by Asmodeus. Zarongel is commonly worshiped by goblins. Some tribes hold him in greater reverence than the other hero-gods or even Lamashtu. He is believed to be the origin of the goblins use of goblin dogs as pets and mounts.
he has the animal, fire, travel, evil domains and dogslicer is his favored weapon.
Definitely of interest! Thanks.
Avast, ye miscreants!
It is I, Doodlebug Anklebiter, goblin paladin of Iomedae and Webster (minor deity of spelling, punctuation and conjugation), here to smite you all!
[Takes of metal gauntlet and challenges Toothless Dragon to a duel]
My second and my lawyers will be in touch!
With some effort, Chief Gutwad hauls his corpulent mass off his throne and stands to his feet. In a booming voice, he shouts above the chaotic din of his assembled tribe, "Diz guy no true Licktoad, wit' big ideaz and bigger wordz! Special prize to gob who bring me head of Doodlebug Anklebiter!"
BigWORDS lead to WRITING. writing leads to BOOKS. books lead to . . . .SUFFERING!
Thud nods sagely. He mumbles repeatedly in an awed whisper "big...THOUGHTS."
ooh oi! prize? chief say prize for big head with big words then head he get.
drool starts leaking from Joboo's mouth as visions of fat goblinettes and pretty rocks race through his thick head and as he pulls his dogslicer from the rope around his waist and sneaks up on the pompous wanna be licktoad gobo
With some effort, Chief Gutwad hauls his corpulent mass off his throne and stands to his feet. In a booming voice, he shouts above the chaotic din of his assembled tribe, "Diz guy no true Licktoad, wit' big ideaz and bigger wordz! Special prize to gob who bring me head of Doodlebug Anklebiter!"
Thud points a muscle swollen finger at the Doodlebug, "Wizzer! Me kill WIZZER!"
Thud grabs Grimlek's toothlizard by the tail and swinging it overhead charges the big word user!