Having realized that Zyren's Thod was not an actual character application either, I have refined the potential list, thusly:
Stiehl9s - Joboo Snaggletooth, Rogue
imimrtl - Grimlek Longtrunk, Druid
Iron-Dice - Glob Stinktoe, Bard
Ganny - Thok Burnskin, Sorcerer (Fire Bloodline)
KenderKin - Mung Ho Blimp, Cleric
voodoo chili - Thud, Barbarian
Poor Wandering One - Braggart Bignose, Fighter
DaWay - Grob'nak, Fighter
Prince of Darkness - Gouber, Cleric of Zarongel
Dodger, the goblin monk...
Seeing all the commotion, Dodger says "Boozun the Hurtface say 'He dat duz fite pallies and hobgoboz gets dah Hurtface'. Hurtface iz bad. We doz bedder livin' wif no Hurtface! My brudders, run and clobber from saftee. No gets hurtface!" Nods, as he knows he has impressed all with his wisdom.
And now...we probably will. Better yet, write it up and join in the fun yourself. :)
Wow guys, I almost think I could forgo the adventure and just make this recruiting thread a game unto itself. Awesome fun, all of you.
That said, eventually I will have to close this thing up and choose my four players. I think I'll give it until tomorrow (Wednesday) night to get any more stragglers on board, and then I'll make my picks. FYI
For truth! [Swings goblin-sized longsword, decapitating a poster posing as a goblin]
For justice! [Parries a clumsy thrust, and ripostes, slashing open an artery]
For a better vocabulary! [Spirit of St. Webster the Well-Spoken infuses longsword, making it a +2 idiotsbane weapon]
Bring it, you odious curs!
Thok stops hunting for the fire smell and looks at Doodlebug. Or more specifically, the longsword. "Thok think fire want to say hi to big word Goblin. Thok wonder if chief take burnt head?" Thok wiggles his fingers, and leaps in a tiny ray from his hands toward Doodlebug.
Grimlek goes running screaming after Thud. "Me Toothlizard! Bring back! Me stop you! Grimlek makes some strange motions, spits in his hand and hits himself in the forehead. Plants rise up and start grabbing at everyone in the clearing. "You no take Toothlizard!
The toothlizard whirling around Thud's head manages to find an unbitten spot on one of Thud's rather gnawed-over ears. Thud squeals in pain and suddenly realizes why they are called 'TOOTH' lizards, then he trips over a vine.
ah..mr big head is almost with in reach
having snuck up on the smartypants without a whisper of noise; then again, who can hear anything beyond his hot air and all the needless swooshing of his longsword? Dogslicer raised with that little neck in perfect view a sly glint sharpens in Joboo's eyes and just when he goes to cut that scrawny neck his hand is stopped cold by grass and vines that seem to have a life of their own.
ahh!!! help! stop the plants! they want prize for them, no fair!
Toe Jam simply watches from the edge of the crowd envisioning his own tribe, and shaking his head at the lack of understanding Doodlebug's wisdom from those around him, while his raven familiar, Swiftwing, takes the opportunity to harangue anyone and everyone involved with the row. "I see poor Toe Jam isn't the only delusional one to think that goblins can somehow rise from the poo they live in." "A goblin trying to use a baby dinosaur as a club. This can't end well. Neither can the goblin who thinks he can actually tame it." "Someone looks like they need a haircut." and more as she flies above the fray, deftly dodging any projectiles, stray or deliberate, that come flying towards her as the scene below descends into chaos.
At his kings words Braggart leaps to his feet with a stray clank as a serving fork falls off his armor. "My leige! Braggart salutes leaps on to his mettlesome steed levels his lance and charges.
At least that is how it went in his head. Outside observers see Braggart climb to his feet, the bucket he wears on his head well down over his eyes. "Mu legh!" is all that can be heard through the thick aged wood. He then stumblens into Sootskin who had found a squiril somewhere. Climbing onto the goblin dog's back and finding an old rag mop that fees a bit like hus lance. Braggart digs his heels into Sootskin's flanks and the animal takes off. Sootskin runs and runs around the edge of the entangle spell for the sheer joy of running. Soon Braggard, his mission forgotten is sharing that joy. Wooping and shouting and spinning his mop if wide circles around his head. The fact that he occasionally brains the odd goblin matters little to him and frankly little to anyone else.
Glop Stinktoe recounts the tale to the assembled masses;
Big words were speak here today
bid words, no true gobbers kno what they say
wez all pounce upon the poser
smash his brains and workz him over!
King gutwad wantz his head on pike
the rest good eatin, cooked just right!
Glob Stinktoe make good small word. Me know what him say! Say hello to me little friends! Grimlek starts making hooting sounds and moving like a monkey. After a few seconds three little monkeys pop up and start flinging dino poo at Doodlebug. Take that, gnome-lover!
Glob Stinktoe make good small word. Me know what him say! Say hello to me little friends! Grimlek starts making hooting sounds and moving like a monkey. After a few seconds three little monkeys pop up and start flinging dino poo at Doodlebug. Take that, gnome-lover!
Ha ha!
As a paladin, I am immune to poo-flinging!
[Stabs monkey]
Ha ha!
As a paladin, I am immune to poo-flinging!
[Stabs monkey]
All the goblins was poo-poo fighting
Those gobs fart fast as lightning
In fact the smells a little bit frightning
But they sling poo with expert timing
Glop Stinktoe's #1 disco hit of the 70's!
Thok stops hunting for the fire smell and looks at Doodlebug. Or more specifically, the longsword. "Thok think fire want to say hi to big word Goblin. Thok wonder if chief take burnt head?" Thok wiggles his fingers, and leaps in a tiny ray from his hands toward Doodlebug.
Nah, I won't be adjudicating any spell results or anything...you guys just go freeform, and have fun with it.
I'll announce the party roster tomorrow sometime. Might be earlier than later, if nobody new joins the throng.
All the goblins was poo-poo fighting
Those gobs fart fast as lightning
In fact the smells a little bit frightning
But they sling poo with expert timing
Glop Stinktoe's #1 disco hit of the 70's!
[Sways back and forth, rhythmically, as I continue to stab monkeys]
All the goblins was poo-poo fighting
Those gobs fart fast as lightning
In fact the smells a little bit frightning
But they sling poo with expert timing
From flat on his back, Thud cannot resist the soulful stylings of Glop Stinktoe..."Whoa-O-O-OOOOOO...Hi-yah!
Whoa-O-O-oooooo..."
ooh oi! today da day we find out whosa gonna be big hero. time to cross fingaz
with that Joboo reaches in his filthy pouch and manipulates the fingers he cut off that skinny human he caught sleeping so that they are crossed of a sorts.
Thud stands before Big Chief Gutwad, chest fully puffed to better display his necklace made of FIVE!!! puppy dog tails.
All righty. I think we've probably got everybody who is interested on board already, so I'll close the application process now.
I'll be making my selections from among the following:
Stiehl9s - Joboo Snaggletooth, Rogue
imimrtl - Grimlek Longtrunk, Druid
Iron-Dice - Glob Stinktoe, Bard
Ganny - Thok Burnskin, Sorcerer (Fire Bloodline)
KenderKin - Mung Ho Blimp, Cleric
voodoo chili - Thud, Barbarian
Poor Wandering One - Braggart Bignose, Fighter
DaWay - Grob'nak, Fighter
Prince of Darkness - Gouber, Cleric of Zarongel
Kryzbyn - Dodger, Monk
Let me know if I've missed anyone, please.
My announcement will come later today!
Gouber suddenly stops chewing on his squirrel, eyes fixed on the lizard. He starts to drool as thoughts of cooked yummy chewy burnt lizard dance in his head. Spitting out the rest of the squirrel, Gouber summons the power of his god, hurling a bolt of fire at the lizard. "Gouber roast lizard, share feast wit big boss king"
Dodger...
Ponders the worries of burntface...
Glop Stinktoe sounders up to King Gutwad,
You maget-ness, none of these gobers is worthy of this job!
Do you kno why?
(long pause)
Because all they want is to be FIRED! HA HA!
Ha . . . Ha
ha?
(crickets chirping)
I'll be waiting over there.
Exit stage left.
Gouber suddenly stops chewing on his squirrel, eyes fixed on the lizard. He starts to drool as thoughts of cooked yummy chewy burnt lizard dance in his head. Spitting out the rest of the squirrel, Gouber summons the power of his god, hurling a bolt of fire at the lizard. "Gouber roast lizard, share feast wit big boss king"
Grimlek screams in rage You eat my Toothlizard I EAT YOU! As he says this a ball of sickly green flame appears in his hand and he hurls it at Gouber. Meanwhile Toothlizard doesn't like being eaten. He always does the eating after all. He roars and chomps down on the next goblin to get in reach.
Mighty Sootskin running pell-mell in a great circle aroung the group suddenly stops and begins smelling the ground. Braggart, his helmet shill firmly in place over his eyes goes sailing through the air 'lance' in hand. He drops out of sight as he flies over the edge of the clearing and down the slow incline towards the marsh.
"CRASH!" .... "Bwah hahahahahahah" "Braggart triumphes again!"
Thud is proudly counting his dog tails in a very loud voice, "One...Two...Three...??...another one..." when the disgruntled toothlizard latches onto his hiney. Thud yelps and runs in circles trying to grab the lizard's tail. Finally getting his powerful digits on the mini-dino's tail, he whirls it overhead and flings it directly at Gouber.
A shrill yelp escapes from Gouber as he darts from place to place, trying to dodge anything thrown his way. Thankfully he's faster than most goblins and soon begins taunting his pursuer. "run run fast you can, not fast nough."
So proud of his ballad, he doesn't notiice his former dinner flying at him, teeth and all. As the lizard clamps onto his arm, Gouber screams and begins flailing about. Unfortunately for the toothlizard, its tale gets too close to Gouber mouth, and he bites down hard.
Braggart comes running up the small incline his helmet askew and one dazed eye visible. As he mounts Sootskin he sees Gouber and the toothlizard biting each other and his mind makes a Cervantian leap.
"Ouroboros!" he shouts. "Dragon, how dare you threaten our mighty king!"
Sootskin's mighty paws pound the floor of the glade as Braddart's mop speeds ever closer to it's target.
With a mighty crash the rather resistible force of Braggart's charge meets the nibbling object that is the toothlizard-Gouber collective.
Gouber goes flying a patch of his tunic ripped free from his shoulder and he lands solidly on Thud Thud.
The lizard was tossed high into the air all the way to the kings throne. The lizard lands comfortably on the great gob's lap where it promptly falls asleep; contentedly chewing on a scrap of tunic.
Braggart wheels Sootskin to strike a dramatic pose before the king. Sunlight shines through the smoke of Thock's burning robe: birdsong competes with the squabbles of the living and the groans of the injured.
"I, Braggart Bignose, have obliterated the beast. This and many other services shall I render onto you oh my king."
Braggart bows deeply from dogback, overbalances, flips and lands solidly on his back on the floor. He lies still. Soon you hear snoring.
Sitting atop Thud Thud, dazed and confused. Gouber does the only sensible thing, He pulls out his last roasted squirrel, and begins eating.
Dodger...
Still pondering, suddenly comes to a conclusion
"Burntface or biteface all doz hurtface!!"
Seeing the carnage around him he just sighs, yet another nugget of wisdom lost on the masses...
Thud jealously watches Gouber eating a squirrel atop his chest and clears his throat. "You got one for THUD?"
Grimlek wails in horror at his Toothlizard's plight and runs to go help him. Unfortunately he slips on the aforementioned dung again and plows right into Braggart as he is lying on the floor, knocking himself out on his armor. They are soon spooning and snoring contentedly.
Yeah, thanks Toothless, thanks for perpetuating racist stereotypes against goblins.
Bones crashes back into the circle, balancing the stump on his head. Singe balances upon the stump.
Singe prods him with a stick, "Go left..Go Left", the whole time pointing to the right. A confused Bones stumbles one way then the other, before tripping over Grimlek and Braggart cuddling on the ground. Off balance, the pair stumble back toward the marsh and end with a big splash.
Glop Stinktoe, stomach rumbling from the faint aroma of charred squrael, reaches into his, um, special pocket for the last bit of dried swamp-cabbage.
Making a cumphy head rest out of Grimlik distended pounch, he gives his final afternoon thoughts to the King.
Siesta la vista, baby.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzz
He's now dreaming of becoming King himself one day. King Conan! Or perhaps something a bit less ambitious.
Tearing off the hind leg of the squirrel, Gouber hands it to Thud. Thud make good throne, eat make better throne.
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Great Chief Rendwattle Gutwad finally bellows, "Dat's enuff, boys!!!" The chief waits for a moment for the ruckus to die down. Sensing that it's not going to happen anytime soon, he sighs and produces a ridiculously large warclub from behind his throne, then proceeds to wade into the throung, bashing open a few heads. "Quiet youz. And youz." At last, the message sinks in, and the commotion subsides to a dull roar.
The chief stamps his club four times on the ground (breaking the foot of one unfortunate nearby gob), and points a huge sausagelike finger at four would-be goblin heroes in turn.
"Glop Stinktoe!"
"Grimlek Longtrunk!"
"Thok Burnskin!"
"Thud!"
He continues ominously, "Youz my guyz to go forth for all Licktoads and get boomstickz...if youz can pazz da test, dat iz..."
Seriously, though, after some long and hard deliberation, based on party balance and general entertainment value, I picked those four. This was a blast, and I commend all of you for your contributions to this super-fun recruiting thread! Please know that it was a tough choice. I wish you all the best.
Watch this space for a link to the Discussion thread, coming shortly. Thanks guys.
Braggart climbs to his feet his mop forgotten. "As you wish my liege, >sniffle<. Come Sootskin." Sootskin approaches the dejected goblin and licks the tears from his face. Braggart pushes the goblin-dog away and walks across the hall.
Sootskin sensing something amiss with his dear master finds Braggart's discarded helmet and brings it to him. "Sootskin what...my helmet. You brought me my helmet. That means my work is not done." Braggart reverently places the oaken bucket on his head. He stands tall. His armor gleams in the winter sunlight. "Yes Sootskin our work is not done. Wherever there are goblins in peril, we will be there! Wherever vicious horses menace the innocent, we will be there! For the glory of goblin kind!" Braggart mounts Sootskin in a fluid motion. "For king Gutwad!" Braggart holds out his hand and from across the room flies his lance Tongue-Splitter and his iron shield. "For Pickles!"
With these words Braggart charges from the room. His vinegary battle cry to resound the length and breadth of the land.
Grimlek wakes up when Chief Gutwad starts laying into goblins. He looks around drowsily. What dis? Toothlizard make breakfast in bed for Grimlek? At this he sees Chief Gutwad pointing at him and realizes hes still on the ground. He leaps to his feet and stands regally, not even caring that he is completely covered in dino poo. TEST?!? No one say nothing bout test?!? Grimlek do it but Grimlek get test anx...anzi...test anztities.
whoo hoo! Glob get to put life on line for the king. And um. . .take a test.
what?
Thud bounces Gouber off his chest and stands to compare the size of his portion of squirrel to Gouber's. "Meat not BIG," he observes and looks ready to pummel Grouber for the rest of the squirrel before is interrupted by the chief' s announcement.
Thud nods as the chief calls his name explaining, "Thud is STRONG."
tongue rolling across his broken canine; Joboo has one of his more sly thoughts
stupid chiefs not pick Joboo. hims better sleep with eye open or throat will be..
with no one paying him any attention he slips off into the woods to plot...and pick boogers.