
gran rey de los nekkid |
4 people marked this as a favorite. |
Hmm...Lawyers.
1. Aren't allowed to lie, but trade in half-truths and misleading language.
2. Obsessed with contracts.
3. Required to follow the letter, but not the spirit, of the law.
4. Excel at exploiting loopholes.
5. Range from semi-helpful to openly malevolent.
6. Spend a lot of their time in "Courts".
Conclusion: Lawyers are Fae.
Nekkid Fae Lawyers? Probably.

NobodysHome |
3 people marked this as a favorite. |

It really is depressing how something as simple as a virus can become political.
I did more research on traveling between counties to get vaccinated, and the general rule is, "For county-run sites, it's a no-no; for private companies, it's fine."
The place we signed up for our shots is county-run and has conflicting language: One page says, "You do not have to be a resident to receive a vaccination," while when you're signing up it says, "I affirm under penalty of perjury that I am a resident."
With so much fuzziness (and not being willing to commit even inadvertent perjury) I went ahead and canceled my appointment and looked for a private company that was doing vaccinations in the area.
And yep, all up and down the 99 corridor, one of the most notoriously-conservative areas in the state, hundreds of vaccine appointments are sitting open, even same- or next-day.
I'm still scheduled for a vaccine tomorrow, but it's still a 3 1/2-hour drive each way, and GothBard wants to call the county site and verify she can get herself and the kids vaccinated there.
Driving 7 hours to get the entire family vaccinated is worth it. Doing it for just half the family isn't.
EDIT: I realize this seems to contradict my previous post where I said there was no, "Are you a resident of Tulare county?" question, but seriously. There was a little disclaimer in the usual 8-point font that said, "I certify under penalty of perjury that the information I am providing is accurate. <More legal stuff>. I certify that I work or live in the area."
So the affirmation that you had to be local was buried in a paragraph of legalese. It makes it all the more likely that either someone forgot to excise it, or when someone said, "You don't have to be a resident," it meant it was because they were allowing residents of neighboring counties to come in (which was what their local paper said).

gran rey de los mono |
2 people marked this as a favorite. |
Hmm...Lawyers.
1. Aren't allowed to lie, but trade in half-truths and misleading language.
2. Obsessed with contracts.
3. Required to follow the letter, but not the spirit, of the law.
4. Excel at exploiting loopholes.
5. Range from semi-helpful to openly malevolent.
6. Spend a lot of their time in "Courts".Conclusion: Lawyers are Fae.
Nekkid Fae Lawyers? Probably.
I wish I was an artist, because right now I want to see a picture of a satyr with Col. Sanders beard and glasses, tucking his thumbs into his suspenders, saying (with a southern accent) "Now I may just be a simple country fae-yer, but..."
(Yes, I quoted myself.)

lisamarlene |

gran rey de los nekkid wrote:Hmm...Lawyers.
1. Aren't allowed to lie, but trade in half-truths and misleading language.
2. Obsessed with contracts.
3. Required to follow the letter, but not the spirit, of the law.
4. Excel at exploiting loopholes.
5. Range from semi-helpful to openly malevolent.
6. Spend a lot of their time in "Courts".Conclusion: Lawyers are Fae.
Nekkid Fae Lawyers? Probably.
I wish I was an artist, because right now I want to see a picture of a satyr with Col. Sanders beard and glasses, tucking his thumbs into his suspenders, saying (with a southern accent) "Now I may just be a simple country fae-yer, but..."
(Yes, I quoted myself.)
gran gets cookies.

Vanykrye |

To give you an idea of how big a property where we're working is, I forgot my sunglasses in our truck so I told my coworker "I forgot my sunglasses in the truck, I'll be back in five minutes.
I think the funnier one was when you sent me the link from Google Maps.
It said he was 2 minutes away from the property while standing on it.

Limeylongears |
3 people marked this as a favorite. |

Note to self: if you are on a festival-related video chat with your partner's rather Catholic mother, the appropriate thing to say is 'Happy Easter, not 'Happy birthday'.
ALL (DE) was on it, too, as was her sister, as were the kids, but they had nothing to say, as they were both eating chocolate eggs around the same size as their heads.

Freehold DM |
2 people marked this as a favorite. |

So it looks like our online gaming group is wanting to split into two, one adults-only game from 9-midnight every other Saturday, and one game for the four kids on the alternate weekends. And no one wanted to run the kids game.
So I'm suggesting running a PF-system homebrew game for the kids following the standard trope of "go through a mysterious drainpipe/tunnel while exploring, end up in a fantasy setting", but toss them into ancient Greece as teenage, more adept versions of themselves and have them end up as supporting grunts for Hercules as he completes the twelve Labors.
I want to make whichever kid ends up the healer of the party a centaur.
the centaur did all the work and let Hercules take the credit.
It it always like that for us.

gran rey de los mono |
5 people marked this as a favorite. |
Not a joke:
Scientists wanted to see if ants count steps to help them navigate. So they made tiny stilts, attached them to the ants, and watched them. Due to the increased stride from the stilts, the ants overshot their destination and were very confused. I don't know what is funniest about this: that someone thought about putting stilts on ants, that someone had to make the stilts, or that the ants walked the desired number of steps and were like "WTF? Where am I?".

gran rey de los mono |
4 people marked this as a favorite. |
I kinda want to play Shadowrun or something similar in order to bring about the following scene:
The ancient and powerful dragon Parnatharnaxarion has always had a tenuous grasp on reality at the best of times. Recently, she was attacked by a large group of mercenaries, and during the fight someone snuck into her lair and stole her clutch of eggs. In her anguish, she "adopted" a 50-story office building full of people as her "kids" and refuses to let any of them leave. Eventually, this happens:
Man: "Oh, great and powerful Parnatharnaxarion, destroyer of kingdoms, devourer of ..."
Dragon: "I told you. Call me 'Mom'."
Man: "Right. Sorry. Mom. We know that you're keeping us here in order to protect us, which we truly appreciate, but we would really like to leave. I mean, it's been two weeks, and some of us have kids we haven't been able to see since you...Wait. Are you crying?"
Dragon: *wailing tearfully* "GRANDBABIES!!!!"

lisamarlene |
7 people marked this as a favorite. |

Today at Miss Daisy's, the kids were asking Grandma Daisy about a pastel portrait of a couple hanging over the sideboard in the dining room. She explained that they were their great-great-grandparents, and went on to tell stories about how great-great-grandma Florence was into juicing back in the 1940s and had a big metal industrial juicer, and also always served brains with eggs for breakfast.
I couldn't help myself.
I need help.

captain yesterday |

Ah, spring.
Temperatures the last few days:
73
77
59
46
68
For us it was:
Monday 65 (and windy as f$$%)
Tuesday 60 (and breezy)
Wednesday 35 (back to windy as f!$# with hardly any sun)
Thursday 37 (and breezy again but sunny)
Friday 48 (but it took it's sweet time getting there).
But, today is supposed to be back in the sixties and then starting tomorrow it's 70+ for at least four days. Which we haven't seen since last September.

![]() |

Woran wrote:Ah, spring.
Temperatures the last few days:
73
77
59
46
68For us it was:
Monday 65 (and windy as f~!@)
Tuesday 60 (and breezy)
Wednesday 35 (back to windy as f&*+ with hardly any sun)
Thursday 37 (and breezy again but sunny)
Friday 48 (but it took it's sweet time getting there).But, today is supposed to be back in the sixties and then starting tomorrow it's 70+ for at least four days. Which we haven't seen since last September.
Yeah, the forecasts are all over the place.

Freehold DM |

Today at Miss Daisy's, the kids were asking Grandma Daisy about a pastel portrait of a couple hanging over the sideboard in the dining room. She explained that they were their great-great-grandparents, and went on to tell stories about how great-great-grandma Florence was into juicing back in the 1940s and had a big metal industrial juicer, and also always served brains with eggs for breakfast.
I couldn't help myself.
** spoiler omitted **I need help.
how is that gross? I would have freaked out as an adult, and actively sought escape as a kid unless someone took pains to explain more to me.

![]() |
5 people marked this as a favorite. |

Ah, spring.
Temperatures the last few days:
73
77
59
46
68
I know most of the people on this thread are in the US and measure everything in Freedom Units, but I don’t think that people who live in THE ENTIRE REST OF THE WORLD should feel obligated to convert units in their posts. Feel free to post Celsius and let us do the work of converting. It’s good for us - like eating our vegetables.

Freehold DM |

Its official. Kamen Rider is 50 years old this week.
I would like to take this opportunity to thank tokusatsu genre for its part in moulding my mind as a little boy. I love robots, real and super, and always will. But sometimes a man has to stand up on his own and quietly fight evil. Preferably with a flying kick of some kind.

Amby's Brain |
3 people marked this as a favorite. |

You know how face masks have those pockets for an air filter in them. Well I'm going to pack mine full of coffee beans.
.
CY: {discovers he can tease out coffee beans from mask pouch with his tongue and eat them} Ooo! <crunch, munch>Bystander: {doesn't know about the coffee beans} OMG, he's eating his own COVID boogers! Ewww! {stays far away}

Unreliable Narrator |
Not a joke:
Scientists wanted to see if ants count steps to help them navigate. So they made tiny stilts, attached them to the ants, and watched them. Due to the increased stride from the stilts, the ants overshot their destination and were very confused. I don't know what is funniest about this: that someone thought about putting stilts on ants, that someone had to make the stilts, or that the ants walked the desired number of steps and were like "WTF? Where am I?".
.
<ominonus music plays, lightning crashes>{piano-sarcophagus slides open, mummified Randy Newman awakens} Ancient Spirits of

![]() |
1 person marked this as a favorite. |

Vanykrye wrote:Sigh. I know. To wordsmith it properly will probably take closer to 3.lisamarlene wrote:I am not, absolutely not going to spend the next two hours writing alternate Objectivist lyrics to You've Got a Friend inYou're absolutely right. Definitely not two hours.Meyou.
Is this so you can sing it in case someone contracts a parasite when playing a game?