gran rey de los nekkid's page

349 posts. Alias of gran rey de los mono.


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Instructor: "Alright, welcome to salsa class. Now who's ready to dance?"
Me: *holding bag of tortilla chips* "Umm...I think I misunderstood what was happening here."

I also misplaced my pants.

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Me: *spits mouthful of blood on floor* "You've clearly become more powerful since the last time we met."
Dentist: "For the last time, the sink is RIGHT THERE!!"

Doesn't everyone go to the dentist nekkid?

Also, they got us a chair for behind the desk, and I f~!&ing hate it. First off, why is it so damn TALL? I'm 6'. With the chair at it's lowest height, the seat is still more than halfway up my thigh. Second, it has rollers, and these rollers are the rolliest rollers that I've ever rolled. You look at the chair, and it rolls away. Forget trying to sit on it. It just rolls away from you. Finally, after managing to sit on it, it is incredibly uncomfortable. Between the slight forward slope of the seat and the slickness of the material, even while sitting absolutely still I keep sliding to the front. Which then causes the seat to try and roll out from under me. So far, the longest I've managed to sit in it without having to readjust myself to be more fully on the seat is 3 minutes. It's better than standing for 8 hours, but not by much.

Sitting on it nekkid would be unbearable.

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Behold, the stamen. Standing tall and proud, full to bursting with life-quickening pollen. Awaiting naught but a gentle breeze, or the touch of an obliging pollinator, to release its gift.

Behold, the pollen. Gently alighting upon the welcoming and waiting stigma. It lovingly gives itself to its partner in order to produce a child.

Behold, the pistil. Ripe and fertile, it envelopes the pollen, carrying it to the ovules, allowing it to combine and bring forth the seeds which carry the next generation.


Or something like that. It's been a long time since biology class.

And of course I'm nekkid for seed porn.

2a) I just checked the hotel's website, and it still says "Complimentary Parking". So, yeah...not so much.

That's definitely not complimentary.

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Well, that was not a fun interaction.

Had a guest come up to me while I was making coffee, and kept asking me all sorts of personal questions. Like "Did you grow up around here?" (I didn't), "Where did you grow up?" (Elsewhere.), "Where did you go to high school?" (A small town you've probably never heard of.), "How'd you end up here?" (Just kinda happened.), etc... He just wouldn't stop asking me these sorts of things, so after 15 minutes, I said - as politely as I could manage - "Sir, I'm sorry, but I don't discuss my personal life with guests." And he got all huffy, called me "incredibly rude", and stomped off. And honestly, I don't think I was the rude one here. I understand that he thought he was being friendly, but I clearly didn't want to tell him anything personal, and he wouldn't stop prying.

No, neither of us was nekkid.

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Final Fantasy games summarized:

Final Fantasy: Four heroes break a time loop.
Final Fantasy 2: Star Wars, but the Emperor dies and then comes back as the devil, and then dies and comes back as god, and then gets killed by Obi Wan.
Final Fantasy 3: Four orphans fight a man who threw a hissy fit over his inheritance.
Final Fantasy 4: Star Wars, but the Emperor is a space ghost on the moon.
Final Fantasy 5: Evil Giving Tree and his gay lover fight a confused harem protagonist and his princesses.
Final Fantasy 6: Star Wars, but the Emperor is killed and replaced by the Joker halfway through. Also, racism is bad.
Final Fantasy 7: Eco-terrorists recruit man with padded resumé, discover corporate greed has caused giant meteor to be elected, hold recount.
Final Fantasy 8: A group of cadets find out that they all lived at the same orphanage. Amnesia to blame. Lead character may be dead.
Final Fantasy 9: Star Wars, but the main characters are all either clones or princesses.
Final Fantasy 10: Daddy Issues, the Real Sports Story, with special guest Christian Guilt Complex.
Final Fantasy 11: Giraffe and friends stop the writer from erasing the game.
Final Fantasy 12: Star Wars, but half the bad guys aren't actually that bad. Except for Judge Bergen. That guy's a dick.
Final Fantasy 13: Being the chosen one will kill your dating life.
Final Fantasy 14: Heroes save the world from bad gameplay, bugs.
Final Fantasy 15: Bachelor party goes very wrong.

No one's fantasy: Me nekkid.

Freehold DM wrote:
lisamarlene wrote:

Eve's boss texted her this morning that "We need DD for the meeting this morning."

She texted back "Dungeons & Dragons?"
"No, Eve, Dunkin Donuts."
What size is your sister?

That's a weird question.

This is awkward.

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Wait...Netflix just put out another season of Tiger & Bunny? Guess I'll have to rewatch the first season and then the new one.

I could watch it nekkid.

Limeylongears wrote:
Now, I like maize or potato based snacks, and I have noticed that the more expensive the maize or potato based snack, the less tasty and satisfying it is. For example, something that describes itself as hand-tossed artisanal hand-tossed celeriac and windmill infused crisps will have practically no flavour or texture, whereas supermarket knockoffs of Monster Munch, or the notorious Space Raiders, especially the pickled onion flavoured ones, will happily melt your face off from the inside.

That's because organic, free-range, artisinal windmills are so expensive that there's no money left for flavor.

Stay away from my flavor.

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"When I was your age, I would have to walk to school, in the snow, uphill, both ways."
"How? That's not physically possible."
"Physics hadn't been invented yet, so we just did it."

Clothes hadn't been invented either, apparently.

Limeylongears wrote:


B) Correlation is not causation, gran.

I know. I just want to make sure that it is correlation, and not causation.

Also, is it correlation or causation that I am nekkid right now?

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"When your minimap takes up half the screen, it's no longer 'mini'. It's just 'map'."

The map's not the only thing that's mini.

Episode 1 finished, and still pretty meh. Especially the fight scenes, not very well done.

I can watch it nekkid if I want to.

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I like the guy who worked second shift today. He seems like a nice guy, and usually does a great job. But when he tells me that he was able to finish up the online training that the manager assigned him, and do a bunch of homework--including writing a 5-page paper--and still spend quite a bit of time sitting around bored, and yet there are 3 or 4 loads of towels in the back waiting to be washed, I get annoyed.

Maybe if I threaten to get nekkid whenever he leaves laundry undone he'll be likely to get it all done.

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Hey Freehold, is this your cat?

Yep, this seems appropriate attire.

The Vagrant Erudite wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:

I'm glad that this man was never my doctor.

(It's the Wikipedia entry for Robert Liston, a surgeon in the 1800s who was very fast at amputations. Amongst his accomplishments are:
1) Removing a 45 pound scrotal tumor in 4 minutes.


That's more than twice the size of my kid!

That's two toddlers dangling from your nuts.

According to the article, the patient lugged it around in a wheelbarrow.

Hmm...nekkid seems appropriate for this.

lisamarlene wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:
lisamarlene wrote:

I thought I was going to get soooooo much done today.

That did not happen.

I ran, I made WW's great-aunt's raisin pecan cinnamon rolls, I packed ONE BOX, and then I took a very long nap.

I might pack a second box before I make dinner. I might not.

The problem is, Monday through Saturday each week, we're working on getting the bedrooms at Miz Daisy's house de-hoarded and deep-cleaned and ready for us to move in, so Sundays are both my only day to pack things at our house and also my only day to rest.

Thank goodness I don't go back to work until August ninth, which is the day after our lease ends at this house.

I didn't have my glasses on when I read this. I was wondering what went into WW's great aunt's racist pecan cinnamon rolls at first.
Given that she and her husband are among the small handful of family members WW actually speaks well of, I'm guessing probably not.

Maybe she only uses racist pecans to try and remove them from the gene pool?

Nekkid gene pool cleaning?

Celestial Healer wrote:
Evening, all. What did I miss?

My confusion as to why second shift said "There was nothing to do all day, and basically no laundry," and yet the laundry wasn't done. She washed and dried one load, then folded 3/4 of it. Washed and dried a second load. Put a third load in the wash. And left 2 more loads waiting to be washed.

If she had been nekkid I would still be upset, but at least I would have gotten something out of it.

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Adventure Idea: You are at IKEA, reading out the strange names they give stuff. Suddenly, you mispronounce something and accidentally summon a Cthulhian horror.

You scared the literal pants off me!

Damn. Nekkid page is over now.

Not the first time, and won't be the last.

I suppose you could try waggling your beard seductively. Maybe he'll go for it.

Maybe if you looked like Woran then Freehold would be waiting to warm you up too.

Woran wrote:
Its actually nice wearing some clothes for a change, was getting kinda cold.

I'm sure Freehold would always be willing to warm you up.

I may not be right, but I might be correct.

I'm not sure thinking is the strong point of this thread.

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"The Americans argued for a week that the assault landing points be named Utah, Omaha, Gold, Juno, and Sword. The fact that this was only five names and there were six planned attack points proved... difficult to address, since the American diplomat responded to such criticism by insisting that the metric system was **** and by god he would not ******* use that communist nonsense.

The Russians stubbornly insisted on taking the toughest landing point so they could have bragging rights of the most casualties.

The Canadians insisted on a no-prisoners policy. This was surprisingly difficult to talk them down from.

China demanded that they be given intellectual property rights on any tech from the shipyards.

The UK didn't have much to say about the invasion, but insisted that the surrender be accepted directly by Queen Elizabeth and that the Arnellians be served tea in chilled porcelain so it would be abysmally tepid by the time they got around to taking a sip.

The UK's other demand, that the Arnellians be forced to use Scottish translators, was dismissed immediately as impossible due to ongoing complications from Brexit."

I love this. It's from a story set in the far future during humanity's first interstellar war with an alien species.

Sure, I'm nekkid. It's no more bizarre than the rest of the post.

Empty calories are the tastiest calories.

Probably doesn't have to be that long.


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WTF? This guy has been sitting in the lobby for like 20 minutes, with his mask on, and now he came up to ask me a question and TOOK THE F$~%ING MASK OFF!!! Then put it right back on as soon as I answered him. I don't think he knows how masks work.

I bet he would have kept the mask on if I was nekkid.

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1. Aren't allowed to lie, but trade in half-truths and misleading language.
2. Obsessed with contracts.
3. Required to follow the letter, but not the spirit, of the law.
4. Excel at exploiting loopholes.
5. Range from semi-helpful to openly malevolent.
6. Spend a lot of their time in "Courts".

Conclusion: Lawyers are Fae.

Nekkid Fae Lawyers? Probably.

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I saw an interesting show about songs through history, and specifically the keys in which they were sung. For instance, battle marches tended to be sung around middle D, Gregorian chants were sung in low to middle G, and most, if not all, pirate chanties were sung on the high seas.

Nekkid pirates singing? Sure, why not.

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Townfolk: "Adventurers! Please help us. Our town's paladin has fallen!"
PCs: "Well, heretics must be destroyed. Let's do this!"
Townfolk: "What heretic? He fell down the well and we don't have a rope long enough to reach him."

And his pants fell off, too!

Do you ever find yourself flipping through the same 4 streaming apps over and over again, hoping to find something that peaks your interest, and you just feel like a tiger pacing back and forth in its cage at a zoo? If so, then you, like the tiger, need enrichment and variety. Try filling a hollowed-out pumpkin with raw hamburger and rolling it around in your enclosure.

And if you're nekkid while doing this, it's even better.

captain yesterday wrote:
I suppose Denny's and Perkins are the other chains open for breakfast.

There's a Cracker Barrel about a mile away, they're usually pretty busy for breakfast. The Perkins less convenient. The Denny's is close by. So is the Bob Evans.

Nekkid breakfast?

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Which, in and of itself, is Sortalawful and Kindagood.

And, lo, I obey the thread rules. And it is good.

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I couldn't give a s~%~ if they trash the banquet hall. We don't have one. Or a meeting room. Or anything like that. So go to somewhere with one of those and leave me alone.

Go away, I'm nekkid.

I tend not to have a ton of relics because I try to avoid fighting elites if I can. Although sometimes I get a long run of question spaces, like 5 or 6 in a row, with several of them becoming treasure chests, so that gets me a few.

While that is certainly a treasure, I better put it away.

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An hour and a quarter later, he came back for the soda. With $1.25 and a mask. Wow.

I'm sure someone is nekkid.

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...An animal companion hunting demon...

Thanks for the inspiration, Vid!

Ooh! I'm very inspired.

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Freehold DM wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
Well, f$$@ me running. Turns out the manager did work a double shift today, so I'm looking at a 7-foot mound of completely untouched laundry. And what am I going to do, complain to him that he didn't do laundry?
If you ease up on the room party policy I will do the laundry for you.

I'll do the laundry. Even nekkid.

I went to the store, and the cashier took a picture of herself holding every single item I was purchasing. I've never going through selfie check-out again.

Aren't you supposed to be nekkid in a selfie?

NobodysHome wrote:

Yeah, maybe it was just that the recipe called for a "formal" bechamel, but spending 35 minutes to make a sauce that acts as a conduit for other sauces seems like a lot or work for mac and cheese. It was 20 minutes to get the roux to the right color, then another 15 minutes after adding the milk. And you have to pay attention the whole time to make sure it comes out smooth.

I'm sure it makes amazing mac and cheese, but it just seems like there are easier ways.

For example, our "standard" lasagna is just ground beef, Trader Joe's bolognese, two pounds of mozzarella, a pound of ricotta, some parmesan, and the noodles. It's really easy, and comes out "very good".

This newfangled one was wilted spinach, minced basil, two pounds of ricotta, 9 ounces of mozzarella, some parmesan, homemade tomato sauce (about 90 minutes), homemade bechemel (about 35 minutes), and the noodles. It was over two hours of intensive labor for a lasagna that was "fine".

If it's not "way better than usual", it's not worth the massive increase in effort.

Now, I don't make bechamel often, it's probably been over a year since the last time I did, but I don't think I ever spent more than 10 or 15 minutes on it. The roux shouldn't have any color, and if you heat the milk before adding it, it should be nice and smooth. I guess I'm not making it "properly", but definitely quicker and easier.

Speaking of quick and easy...

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I don't want to be a downer, but next year is literally called "2020 won".

It won my pants.

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Our GM can't play tonight, so I volunteered to run a one-shot. It's been a while since I GMed, and the adventure I'm running isn't exactly traditional (I have modified a Dark Heresy adventure for Pathfinder), so I'm getting a little nervous. I'm sure it will all go well, but what can I do? I'm a pessimist.

And now I can't find my pants!

"My Intelligence is four?! Outrageous!!

That's not all that's outrageous...

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Freehold DM wrote:
Dammit! We lost Gran. At least he took the arm off that Orion before he went out.

Whoa...Someone managed to kill an Urbanmech? They must have been an elite mechjock.

Speaking of elite...

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I never did get to cast Flesh to Stone on the BBEG again, but I did turn one of his henchmen (aboleth with 15? wizard levels) into a statue to take home and put in the front yard.

It's a celebration, of course I'm nekkid.

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