gran rey de los nekkid's page

270 posts. Alias of gran rey de los mono.


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That was a lot easier. Ascension 16 completed with Silent.

Didn't even need pants.


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My secret ingredient for popcorn is garlic powder.

Being nekkid makes it taste better.


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You want to pilot a space succubus?

Yeah, that sees accurate.


And it could have been worse, in that they could have had more beer. They really didn't have that much. They were just quite slow at drinking it.

Did they drink my pants?


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They say that it takes a big man to admit when he's made a mistake. And it takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut.

Well, that's not what I meant when I said "big".


Apparently they have released a couple of albums since then, but I don't think they've come close to that first one.

You might not want to come close to me until I find my pants.


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lisamarlene wrote:

Well, the tornado moved from ten miles due west of us to just about ten miles north without ever coming close. It's moving away to the northeast and some folks are reportedly getting pretty big hail.

At least I'll have an excuse why my progress reports aren't written tomorrow.

Okay, not a valid excuse, but a plausible lame one.

Tornado ate my homework.

And my pants.


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People keep talking about the giant who threw up today. It's all over the town.

Well, I had to take my clothes off to wash them.


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A baton goes to the annual Walking Stick conference. As it tries to enter, a security guard stops it and says "Sorry. Staff only."

*clears throat* Not that staff.


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And clearly the problem was with Orthos' browser. It somehow misdisplayed my post. There was no editing done. Nope. None whatsoever. I don't think that's even possible on these boards.

Neither is there nudity.


Why didn't Elsa go to the doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.

If your doctor makes you get nekkid for a cold, you might want a new doctor.


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A/C guys are here. Hope it goes smooth and quick, like a shaved buttered monkey on speed.

Of course the monkey is nekkid.


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lisamarlene wrote:
Vanykrye wrote:

LM sent me that a couple days ago. Her answer (since she's travelling) was:

Bilbo: You DO give a F about Frodo, don't you?
Gandalf: Two Fs, as often as I can spare them.

I came up with two spots that I liked.

Celeborn, standing with Galadriel, with that halting/stilted delivery the actor used: And where...the F...is Gandalf?

Samwise, after being pulled into the house by Gandalf's staff:
Gandalf: What did you hear?!? Speak!
Sam (paraphrased): I didn't hear nothin'! Nothing more than stuff about a dark lord, the end of the world, and F all!

We've stopped at a truck stop in New Mexico for dinner.

Here's another:

Treebeard: We have just agreed... [falls asleep]
Merry Brandybuck: Yes?
Treebeard: [wakes up] I have told your names to the Entmoot and we have agreed... you are not f~@!ed.

How about this: Gollum has bitten off Frodo's finger and reclaimed the ring. He falls into the lava and burns to death. The ring melts away. We cut to Sauron's tower with the big eye on top of it. As the tower collapses, you hear an almighty "F************************K!!!!!!"

All while nekkid, of course.

Ah, apparently that snuck through the filters, so I'll self censor it.


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Back in college, I tried to join ever fraternity on campus, but got rejected from every one because I'm circumcised. Turns out, to be a frat boy you have to be a complete dick.

Well, how else would they know if I was circumcised?


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I have a pen that can write underwater.

It can write other words too.

Of course it can write nekkid.


I want to open an Air & Space Museum. It would be really cheap to do. It's just an empty building.

I guess I'm clothed in air & space.


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People got worried about the possibility of 3D printing a gun, but really? I've had a Canon printer for years!

That's not the cannon I was talking about.


I'm working on a Friday night. This is not supposed to happen. I am displeased.

The nekkidity might be supposed to happen.


I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger in a grocery store eating a delicious looking chocolate egg. I asked him where he got it. He pointed and said "Aisle B. Back."

Then we both took off our pants and danced around until the cops showed up. At which point they joined in the fun.


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And I suppose they could have a friend named Han Shot'First.

Probably wasn't nekkid when he shot, though.


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Just out of curiosity, does anyone else pronounce Yuugasa's name like this? Or is it just me?

Also, is anyone else nekkid? Or is that just me, too?


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A friend and I were talking about nicknames. Specifically, the name Dick. He said "It's easy to see how someone could shorten Richard to Rich, or even Rick. But how do you get Dick from Richard?" I said "Buy him a drink".

This seems right.


NobodysHome wrote:
Yuugasa wrote:

Now I'm just thinking about Ogres, you know, the race paizo specifically calls out as rapists for whom nothing is taboo.

*sharpens sword while rocking back and forth, eye twitching*

And I previously thought Goblins were comic relief villains...Ogres... a total genocide of Ogres isn't out of the question is it?

What are the chances of a Drizzt Do'Ogre?

My proudest moment of the AP was when the Elemental (Flame) bloodline sorcerer burned ALL of his remaining fire spells (multiple Fireballs, Flaming Hands, anything... to burn the Graul homestead to the ground after they'd cleared it...

...and the paladin stood and watched and said, "Good job."

Yeah, I think I played the Grauls well...

We still reference them from time to time in our games. Usually along the lines of this:

GM: "The beast is a huge, disgusting, slobbering fiend that makes you sick to look at."
Us: "Hey, it's not as bad as Mammy."

Oh, no. You really don't want Mammy nekkid.


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If you gotta ask, then you don't know.

I don't know how that happened.


A drummer had twin daughters. He named them Anna 1, Anna 2.

I'm not sure who's nekkid here.


Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
Anyone else ever work with someone then they find out you play D&D and they invite themselves to your game? (He's totally not joining my game btw.)
Not exactly. I had a coworker who found out I played and he strongly hinted for a few weeks that he would like to join. I kept saying that it wasn't a good point in the story for a new player (which wasn't exactly true), but he kept trying to finagle an invite so I eventually cleared it with the rest of the group and brought him in. It went okay, but it didn't last long. Within a few weeks he got fired from the hotel and got a job somewhere else that required him to work during our game time. A few weeks later he got fired from that place, and tried to get me to bring him back in, but we never did.
Yeah I don't even want this guy to know where I live. His B.O. Is rough enough from 10 feet away let alone sitting next to me at a table.

Oh, yeah. That's bad. The guy I was talking about was just kind of a spotlight hog. Of course, he was used to playing in very small groups (a DM and 1, maybe 2, players) and at the time our group had a DM and around 7 players.

We only game nekkid on very special occasions.


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Two cows are standing in a field. One asks the other "Are you worried about that mad cow disease?" The second cow says "I'm pretty sure I have nothing to worry about. I'm a penguin, after all."

Cows and penguins are both usually nekkid.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
I have a message for the man in the wheelchair who stole my camo jacket: You can hide, but you can't run.
That one I like but at the same time feels a little wrong.

That sounds about right.

Speaking of things that are a little wrong.


I don't really like trees. I can't explain it. They just seem shady to me.

Sure, that will cast shade too.


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And some people are absolutely poisonous and trying to kill you. Therefore, I am correct.

And nekkid.


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It used to be free to put air in your tires at a gas station. Now it costs $1.50. Why? Inflation.

Please don't insert an air hose into that.


Limeylongears wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
Finished lord of chaos. Whew. intense. Now to take a brek from the wheel of time for some skyward.
For a second I thought you were calling Limeylongears a "Finnish lord of chaos". But that just isn't possible. He's Welsh.

I'm not Welsh. No no no.

As for being a Lord of Chaos, 'BLOOD AND SOULS FOR MY LORD LONGEARS' sounds a bit odd, and I'm not sure what I'd do with a load of blood and souls if I did get 'em.

I gave Pa Longears a book of cello pieces, Ma Longears a yoga block, recieving another sword-fighting manual in return. Sister is in Australia, so that'll have to wait, and brother is coming over tomorrow to exchange gifts

I'm pretty sure you're Welsh. That or Australian.

Just ignore the lack of pants.


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Orthos wrote:
Woran wrote:
Orthos wrote:
The Great Xmas Wrapping Critique-a-thon has begun.

Pfff, Ive given up on fancy wrapping. Most of the family is *rip it off in as little time as possible* when it comes to wrapping.

Of course, I can all annoy them to heck unwrapping everything ever so carefull.

My company's owner is immensely picky and particular about Xmas gift wrapping. And since he passes out all the gifts at the company party, he critiques and criticizes every single one, pointing out the responsible parties by name, as the gifts are shared.

And whatever powers you believe in help you if you dared to get a bag for your present instead of wrapping it.

Wow. He sounds like a real a~+$~@#.

That's somewhat appropriate.


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What do you call a cow who plays guitar? A moosician.

That is not a guitar.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
Buy a new device!

Yeah, no. That did cross my mind, but other than not being able to connect to this one network there is nothing wrong with it. I may still try buying the dongle, but I'm not going to buy a whole new computer.

Probably.

I'm also not going to buy pants.


Just a Mort wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
Just a Mort wrote:
My clothes are simple and unornamented, since I don't care for being ostentatious. Too many decorations will weigh down on my small frame anyway. I think there is elegance in simplicity.
I also keep things simple. Very simple. My wardrobe consists of 2 pairs of blue jeans, 1 pair of denim shorts, a half dozen black t-shirts (with pocket), 2 pairs of pajama pants, 2 pairs of work pants, 2 work shirts, and I don't know how many (but not a lot) pairs of socks and underwear. That's it. Well, one of the shirts might be navy blue instead of black. I don't remember.

You has no underwear?

I have more clothes then you, but if you repeat the same clothes in the same week, as a female, people are going to talk.

Yes I do. I mentioned it in there. Even bolded it for you. And I know I have it easy being a guy, but frankly even if people did talk I wouldn't give a s~$%.

Oh, sweet irony. Talking about clothes while nekkid.


Vidmaster7 wrote:
If I get super powers out of the deal I could handle owning a few cats.

I couldn't. Plus, you need to be careful which powers you get. You might wind up being all nimbly-bimbly leaping from tree to tree but have to lick your b*~*%#&# clean.

You'd probably be nekkid too if you were trying to lick your own b*!*!!#$.


Vidmaster7 wrote:
Gran why do they read the sold out sign then walk in and ask if we have rooms?

Because Han shot first.

And because I am out of pants.


The first person to use a parachute was either very confident or didn't care if they lived or not.

Nekkid parachuting could be interesting.


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Just a Mort wrote:

...

Let's say Gran paid me $1 to bake a cake for him today. (we'll say he never mentions what he's going to use the cake for). He invites Freehold, NH, Vidmaster to his house to share the cake I was supposed to bake with them. I'm a lazy arse who spends my day spamming FAWTL boards and I never deliver that cake to Gran.

Vidmaster, Freehold and NH have not paid me anything. So why should they gain the benefit of being able to sue me when they have not even given me anything? Heck, I don't even know who they are. Nor would I have known that my cake would have been eaten by them.

That's why courts generally only let the parties to the contract sue.

Now scenario 2:

I deliver a spoiled cake to Gran, who shares it with Vidmaster 7,Freehold and NH. Everyone gets a stomach ache. Then everyone can bring an action under me as per [Donoghue v Stevenson], since as a manufacturer I owe a duty of care to my consumers(my cake shouldn't give them a stomachache). But that would fall under Tort, and no longer contract law.

I see one major problem with your scenarios: I don't share cake.

Being nekkid is not a problem.


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It's slightly disturbing that horses run on their fingernails.

I am typically nekkid while riding horses, sure.


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Just a Mort wrote:

*Volunteers to pull Gran the other way to stretch out that pulled muscle*

This will be fun fun fun!

You're welcome to try.

I'm supposed to be nekkid for this, right?


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Nutella is marketed as a spread for toast and waffles, when really any self-respecting adult eats it the way nature intended: licking it from the back of a spoon while hiding in the pantry.

Possibly while nekkid.

(Except for me. I don't like it. Hazelnut, blergh.)


"We learned the 'Explode into Slavery' spell."

We also exploded our pants.


Looks like Vidmaster thinks cheese is grate.

Look at me! I'm nekkid!! Woo-Hoo!!!


Just a Mort wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:
Vanykrye wrote:
lisamarlene wrote:
Vanykrye wrote:
Freehold DM wrote:
The Game Hamster wrote:
In other news, I am 2 hours in on my 8 hour drive back to Tennessee.

that's a long way to go for a date.

Then again, I drove 15 hours to meet Vany, and he didn't even kiss me good night.

Why whatever did I do to make you think I kiss on the first date?

Who doesn't kiss on the first date?

Serial killers, maybe?

I let the lady set the pace for intimate contact for a variety of reasons.

In no way will I let Freehold set the pace.

*sniff*

Just a Mort wrote:
Snowpocalypse sounds awesome but I'd probably freeze and form a cat popsicle

** spoiler omitted **

Man, that is one cat I would enjoy eating!

** spoiler omitted **

Oh Freehold. We had such high hopes for you!

*mock sighs*

I didn't. I expected pretty much exactly that.

Of course I'm nekkid. It's what Freehold would want.


It's all fun and games until someone loses an eye. Then it's just a game, Find the Eye!

That's not an eye. Although it may be looking at you.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
O I thought of one for the bear. You know those rooms they set up where people try to escape them using clues in the room. actually you know what I think I'm approaching SAW territory now I'll just back away.

Bear wrasslin'.

I said "bear", not "bare"!


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FREEEHOLD! QUICK!! Mort's hiding in a bush! And she has a camera!!!

And my pants!!!


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
One day a man tries to take an elephant into a movie theater. The manager says "Sir, I'm sorry but you cannot bring that elephant in here." The man says "It's okay. He's housetrained, and I promise that if there is a problem we'll leave immediately." The manager is unsure, but agrees to let them in. He checks in on the elephant several times during the screening of the film, and is pleasantly surprised that the elephant causes no trouble. As the man and the elephant are leaving, the manager goes up to them and says "I'm very surprised! Your elephant caused no problems at all, and he even seemed to be enjoying the movie!" The man says "I'm surprised too. He hated the book."
Sucks for the guy that has to sit behind the elephant.
Maybe the elephant sat in the back?
Then hes gonna block the projector Gran! now it sucks for everyone. good job.
There's room to the side of the projector!
Its a elephant Gran his ears or trunk are still probably going to block a little.

How small are the theaters you go to?

Hmm...nekkid theater going? That's probably a bad idea.

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