gran rey de los nekkid's page

288 posts. Alias of gran rey de los mono.


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Good game tonight. We were trying to sabotage/disable some troop transports (the one in book 6 of Ruins of Azlant) and while most of the party was being sneaky, I had a different idea. I Dimension Doored to the one farthest from the rest of the party and, after using Knowledge(Engineering) to identify weak points, started writing on those points in Celestial. After spending several rounds doing this, I moved back a bit and pulled an item out of my bag of holding. It was Dagon's Eye, which, among other things, causes all Celestial writing within 40' of it to explode into 6d6 Fireballs. So a series of explosions go off, causing a good bit of damage to the transport - and alerting all the guards in the area. That's where we stopped for the night. But I'm not too worried for myself. I have another Dim Door prepared, as well as a Teleport. It's really a question of if the others can escape, seeing as some of them had already started tussling with the guards themselves.

We were playing online, so I might have been nekkid.


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I have daily sex. Sorry, sorry. I meant dyslexia.

This seems fitting.


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My friend makes money by taking pictures of salmon in designer clothing. She says it's so easy that it's like "shooting fish in apparel."

I guess I loaned her my clothing for a photo shoot.


I was going to go to med school, but failed the entrance exam because of nerves.

The correct answer was the circulatory system.

I'm still not sure if being nekkid was a help or a hindrance.


It's a title, not a name.

And there's my royal scepter.


I am now legally allowed to hide women with a particular name. I got a license for Concealed Kerry.

I don't a license to conceal that.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
Sharoth wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
Sharoth wrote:
The Schooled in Magic series by Christopher Nuttall has been pretty good so far. I am on book fixe and I can't wait to get to the other books in the series.
Sorry, I'm not familiar with New Math. What number is "fixe"?
~rolls my eyes~ Sorry! So sorry! I meant book five. 5. Please accept my apologies for that spelling error! So very sorry!
Just get on to him for not capitalizing his name. I mean it won't do anything but you can do that.

My name is appropriately capitalized. It's not my fault if you don't recognize the invisible letters. (They're like silent letters in spoken words, but written.)

And I am wearing pants. They're invisible pants.


Completly horrified Vidmaster7 wrote:
Well you did it.. Good job... Hope your happy..

You want some more? Try this on for size:

Different group, different GM. We are in a goblin lair, and enter the bedchambers of the head goblin. We start fighting the boss and a couple of his bodyguards. Meanwhile, the boss's harem is throwing stuff at us to distract us. Then the GM gives this lovely bit of flavor text:

I'm gonna spoiler this, just in case.:

GM: "You notice that the random plates and pillows and such that the harem had been throwing at you has been replaced with various, more phallic objects. You" *points at another player* "get hit in the face with a gimp mask. Looking over, you see that one of the female goblins is now naked, and lying on her back with her legs up in the air. Another one is holding her legs, and using them to aim at you at the first begins machine-gunning ping-pong balls at the party."

This is an incredibly appropriate moment to be ToP.


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You wanna know one of my pet peeves? Software that gives you the choice of "Yes" or "Not now", but not "No". The big offender I deal with is the email app I use. It keeps wanting me to give it access to my phone's contact info so it can import all the names and phone numbers and whatnot. I don't want it to have that, because I don't think it needs to, but since I can't tell it "No" it asks me every couple of days. I just want it to shut up.

I'm not working tonight, so I don't need pants.


Can't hurt to do both! And rub it all over your nekkid body while you're at it.


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I was driving when I see a woman run over a poor rabbit. I stopped immediately to render assistance. I notice the woman is hysterical and the rabbit, well let's just say he's had better days. I think to myself "Can I render first aid?" Then it hits me, I can fix this. I go to the trunk of my car and grab a can of spray. So I spray this onto the rabbit and sure as s~+& he jumps up and hops away. As he is hopping away every ten steps he stops looks backs and waves at us! He repeats this until he eventually was out of sight. The women then asks me "what was that can of spray you used?" I show it to her and say "It's hair restorer with a permanent wave."

Let's go with the rabbit being the nekkid one here.


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I watched an Australian cooking show earlier. A chef made meringue and everyone cheered. I was surprised because I thought Aussies liked to boo meringue.

Nekkid cooking shows! Whoo!!


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
You know captain a moat might not be a terrible idea.

Can it be filled with La Croix and White Claw so it will lure in the hipsters? Then the venomous ducks can take them.

Oh, you better believe I'll be nekkid.


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I traded my car for a wagon pulled by a centaur. It's okay, but really slow. I shouldn't be surprised, I guess. It is only a half-horsepower.

I guess I traded my pants too.


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I try never to think about Ben Stiller.

Well, s%@*.


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So now I'm a nekkid zombie?


Ascension 13 completed with Watcher. Is it available on console yet?

Heh, can't get this on the console.


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Today was terrible. First, my wife was run over by a bus. Then, I lost my job as a bus driver.

On top of all that, someone stole my pants!


That was a lot easier. Ascension 16 completed with Silent.

Didn't even need pants.


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My secret ingredient for popcorn is garlic powder.

Being nekkid makes it taste better.


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You want to pilot a space succubus?

Yeah, that sees accurate.


And it could have been worse, in that they could have had more beer. They really didn't have that much. They were just quite slow at drinking it.

Did they drink my pants?


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They say that it takes a big man to admit when he's made a mistake. And it takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut.

Well, that's not what I meant when I said "big".


Apparently they have released a couple of albums since then, but I don't think they've come close to that first one.

You might not want to come close to me until I find my pants.


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lisamarlene wrote:

Well, the tornado moved from ten miles due west of us to just about ten miles north without ever coming close. It's moving away to the northeast and some folks are reportedly getting pretty big hail.

At least I'll have an excuse why my progress reports aren't written tomorrow.

Okay, not a valid excuse, but a plausible lame one.

Tornado ate my homework.

And my pants.


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People keep talking about the giant who threw up today. It's all over the town.

Well, I had to take my clothes off to wash them.


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A baton goes to the annual Walking Stick conference. As it tries to enter, a security guard stops it and says "Sorry. Staff only."

*clears throat* Not that staff.


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And clearly the problem was with Orthos' browser. It somehow misdisplayed my post. There was no editing done. Nope. None whatsoever. I don't think that's even possible on these boards.

Neither is there nudity.


Why didn't Elsa go to the doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway.

If your doctor makes you get nekkid for a cold, you might want a new doctor.


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A/C guys are here. Hope it goes smooth and quick, like a shaved buttered monkey on speed.

Of course the monkey is nekkid.


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lisamarlene wrote:
Vanykrye wrote:

LM sent me that a couple days ago. Her answer (since she's travelling) was:

Bilbo: You DO give a F about Frodo, don't you?
Gandalf: Two Fs, as often as I can spare them.

I came up with two spots that I liked.

Celeborn, standing with Galadriel, with that halting/stilted delivery the actor used: And where...the F...is Gandalf?

Samwise, after being pulled into the house by Gandalf's staff:
Gandalf: What did you hear?!? Speak!
Sam (paraphrased): I didn't hear nothin'! Nothing more than stuff about a dark lord, the end of the world, and F all!

We've stopped at a truck stop in New Mexico for dinner.

Here's another:

Treebeard: We have just agreed... [falls asleep]
Merry Brandybuck: Yes?
Treebeard: [wakes up] I have told your names to the Entmoot and we have agreed... you are not f~@!ed.

How about this: Gollum has bitten off Frodo's finger and reclaimed the ring. He falls into the lava and burns to death. The ring melts away. We cut to Sauron's tower with the big eye on top of it. As the tower collapses, you hear an almighty "F************************K!!!!!!"

All while nekkid, of course.

Ah, apparently that snuck through the filters, so I'll self censor it.


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Back in college, I tried to join ever fraternity on campus, but got rejected from every one because I'm circumcised. Turns out, to be a frat boy you have to be a complete dick.

Well, how else would they know if I was circumcised?


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I have a pen that can write underwater.

It can write other words too.

Of course it can write nekkid.


I want to open an Air & Space Museum. It would be really cheap to do. It's just an empty building.

I guess I'm clothed in air & space.


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People got worried about the possibility of 3D printing a gun, but really? I've had a Canon printer for years!

That's not the cannon I was talking about.


I'm working on a Friday night. This is not supposed to happen. I am displeased.

The nekkidity might be supposed to happen.


I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger in a grocery store eating a delicious looking chocolate egg. I asked him where he got it. He pointed and said "Aisle B. Back."

Then we both took off our pants and danced around until the cops showed up. At which point they joined in the fun.


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And I suppose they could have a friend named Han Shot'First.

Probably wasn't nekkid when he shot, though.


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Just out of curiosity, does anyone else pronounce Yuugasa's name like this? Or is it just me?

Also, is anyone else nekkid? Or is that just me, too?


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A friend and I were talking about nicknames. Specifically, the name Dick. He said "It's easy to see how someone could shorten Richard to Rich, or even Rick. But how do you get Dick from Richard?" I said "Buy him a drink".

This seems right.


NobodysHome wrote:
Yuugasa wrote:

Now I'm just thinking about Ogres, you know, the race paizo specifically calls out as rapists for whom nothing is taboo.

*sharpens sword while rocking back and forth, eye twitching*

And I previously thought Goblins were comic relief villains...Ogres... a total genocide of Ogres isn't out of the question is it?

What are the chances of a Drizzt Do'Ogre?

My proudest moment of the AP was when the Elemental (Flame) bloodline sorcerer burned ALL of his remaining fire spells (multiple Fireballs, Flaming Hands, anything... to burn the Graul homestead to the ground after they'd cleared it...

...and the paladin stood and watched and said, "Good job."

Yeah, I think I played the Grauls well...

We still reference them from time to time in our games. Usually along the lines of this:

GM: "The beast is a huge, disgusting, slobbering fiend that makes you sick to look at."
Us: "Hey, it's not as bad as Mammy."

Oh, no. You really don't want Mammy nekkid.


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If you gotta ask, then you don't know.

I don't know how that happened.


A drummer had twin daughters. He named them Anna 1, Anna 2.

I'm not sure who's nekkid here.


Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
Anyone else ever work with someone then they find out you play D&D and they invite themselves to your game? (He's totally not joining my game btw.)
Not exactly. I had a coworker who found out I played and he strongly hinted for a few weeks that he would like to join. I kept saying that it wasn't a good point in the story for a new player (which wasn't exactly true), but he kept trying to finagle an invite so I eventually cleared it with the rest of the group and brought him in. It went okay, but it didn't last long. Within a few weeks he got fired from the hotel and got a job somewhere else that required him to work during our game time. A few weeks later he got fired from that place, and tried to get me to bring him back in, but we never did.
Yeah I don't even want this guy to know where I live. His B.O. Is rough enough from 10 feet away let alone sitting next to me at a table.

Oh, yeah. That's bad. The guy I was talking about was just kind of a spotlight hog. Of course, he was used to playing in very small groups (a DM and 1, maybe 2, players) and at the time our group had a DM and around 7 players.

We only game nekkid on very special occasions.


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Two cows are standing in a field. One asks the other "Are you worried about that mad cow disease?" The second cow says "I'm pretty sure I have nothing to worry about. I'm a penguin, after all."

Cows and penguins are both usually nekkid.


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Vidmaster7 wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
I have a message for the man in the wheelchair who stole my camo jacket: You can hide, but you can't run.
That one I like but at the same time feels a little wrong.

That sounds about right.

Speaking of things that are a little wrong.


I don't really like trees. I can't explain it. They just seem shady to me.

Sure, that will cast shade too.


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And some people are absolutely poisonous and trying to kill you. Therefore, I am correct.

And nekkid.


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It used to be free to put air in your tires at a gas station. Now it costs $1.50. Why? Inflation.

Please don't insert an air hose into that.


Limeylongears wrote:
gran rey de los mono wrote:
Vidmaster7 wrote:
Finished lord of chaos. Whew. intense. Now to take a brek from the wheel of time for some skyward.
For a second I thought you were calling Limeylongears a "Finnish lord of chaos". But that just isn't possible. He's Welsh.

I'm not Welsh. No no no.

As for being a Lord of Chaos, 'BLOOD AND SOULS FOR MY LORD LONGEARS' sounds a bit odd, and I'm not sure what I'd do with a load of blood and souls if I did get 'em.

I gave Pa Longears a book of cello pieces, Ma Longears a yoga block, recieving another sword-fighting manual in return. Sister is in Australia, so that'll have to wait, and brother is coming over tomorrow to exchange gifts

I'm pretty sure you're Welsh. That or Australian.

Just ignore the lack of pants.

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